the-ymmik

[the-ymmik]

I think it’s time I do everything I ever wanted

[the-ymmik]

got chased by a skeleton but when they caught me they just gave me a kiss and hug. turns out it was an xoskeleton.

[the-ymmik]

imagine if something gay happened

[the-ymmik]

[the-ymmik]

speaking of the scary ocean, in the Salish Sea we have bioluminescence in the summer. It’s not like in movies where the whole sea glows. The microorganisms which cause it only glow when they’re disturbed. On a warm, still night the sea is black until you stick your hand in and shake it around, then it lights up blue.

anyway my friends and I dive at night and it’s really cool to watch someone from above because they look like a celestial being in the water, glowing blue underwater.

what is deeply UNNERVING is when a Very Large creature passes you at some distance, and you know because you see a blue, glowing mass go by and you think well, that’s just not my business.

[the-ymmik]

[the-ymmik]

Sorry Ryan creamer works at dropout?????

This Ryan creamer??????

[the-ymmik]

we did it tumblr

[the-ymmik]

i really love the phrase “with all due respect” because it doesn’t specify how much respect is due. could be none. bitch.

[the-ymmik]

I’m watching bridezillas and can’t get over this stripper’s name

[the-ymmik]

things i’ll not call you a whore for:

sexual activity

how you dress

things i’ll call you a whore for:

stealing my food 

stealing my lemons

my cat likes you more than me

[the-ymmik]

call me easily amused but i still think it's so funny to go "who said that" after saying something wildly horny

[the-ymmik]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[the-ymmik]

what do you mean i have to go to work today. when i just did it yesterday???

[the-ymmik]

in recent events of that zoo losing the clouded leopard, it reminded me of the time i went to a large petting zoo and there was a free roaming little black sheep. cutest little guy i ever saw, soi went to the zookeeper nearby and said ‘i think its really cute how you have a sheep thats allowed to just walk around. ‘ then the zookeepers eyes widened and he grabbed his walky talky and ran 

[the-ymmik]

I don't want a Career I want to Fuck Around