the-void-of-a-soul

[the-void-of-a-soul]

You ever think about just walking down to the beach and swimming until you can't anymore. Like. Doesn't matter if i change my mind while im drowning. No where to go. No way to be saved. Be a pretty shit way to go, scared alone and drowning, but the bitter sweet irony would make it worth it i think.

[the-void-of-a-soul]

“I want to talk about what happened without mentioning how much it hurt. There has to be a way. To care for the wounds without reopening them. To name the pain without inviting it back into me.”

— Lora Mathis, If There’s A Way Out I’ll Take It

[the-void-of-a-soul]

a deep deep deep ache in ur heart ya know

[the-void-of-a-soul]

“Compliment people. If you think a good thing about someone, there’s no harm in saying it aloud.”

— Unknown

[the-void-of-a-soul]

If I constantly want you in my space, that says a lot because I get annoyed and drained by people extremely fast.

[the-void-of-a-soul]

*loses my mind in the most silent way ever*

[the-void-of-a-soul]

“Cheers to the pain we chose to hide.”

—

[the-void-of-a-soul]

i think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy

because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless

and they don’t want anybody else to feel like that

[the-void-of-a-soul]

That's cool you're hot but are you a nice person?

[the-void-of-a-soul]

[the-void-of-a-soul]

i hate that feeling where you’re not necessarily sad but you just feel really empty 

[the-void-of-a-soul]

[the-void-of-a-soul]

[the-void-of-a-soul]

Ik i said my birthday but two weeks sounds too long. But damn i also do not have the savings for paying for body collection and cremation. And ik my family doesn't either.

maybe ill just fuck around and self harm with questionable men again. Ik what they want im not stupid but hey if they're willing to pick me up and take me out and get me drunk at least i dont have to think or feel anything abiut any of this, and im out of the house

but also the very upper parts of my thighs look like a series of red barcodes idk how im supposed to hide that

[the-void-of-a-soul]

[the-void-of-a-soul]

Nothing makes me feel crazier than the fact i sometimes wish i would just have a full blown breakdown. Yelling, screaming, crying, wounds open and bared for the world to see. So theyd see. So theyd know. How much im hurting inside. How much im struggling. "You're so lazy"

"you just need to try harder"

"if you just put in the effort"

im trying so damn hard every day but no one sees it. I hate the idea of being committed and a forced grippy sock vacay but if i was forced and mandated medically maybe theyd actually fucking believe how serious this is, how much im hurting.

but hey, thats just a fevered dream i guess

[the-void-of-a-soul]

“Do you ever have those random nights where your brain won’t shut off, even though your body feels like five hundred pounds of exhausted.”

— Becky Albertalli