the-thoughtdaughter

[the-thoughtdaughter]

— Rudy Francisco

[the-thoughtdaughter]

i wish i wasn't such an easy child.

they don't like it when i express basic emotional needs now. i'm not as "low maintenance" as i used to be. too many demands.

i'm going to kill myself one of these days. take myself off their hands for good. i hope they'll be happy then.

[the-thoughtdaughter]

it's shocking - terrifying - how easily parents forget the things they've said and done to you in your childhood.

the thing that was so fucking insignificant to them that they spew bullshit like "i could never have said" or "i would've remembered if i had done something like that" was a source of emotional trauma that shaped your formative years.

and then they wonder why we all turned out so fucked up.

[the-thoughtdaughter]

i am a terrible person.

i know this because i am genuinely jealous of the babies my mother miscarried. it's all i think about nowadays. one more couldn't have hurt, right?

even if it did, it would have been better than this existence. for both me and my mother. better to hurt for losing someone you love than hating someone you're stuck with.

[the-thoughtdaughter]

i hope i die first. before my parents. i want them to know a life after me so my bitter ghost can rejoice in their guilt.

[the-thoughtdaughter]

i just want a moment of peace and quiet. i've been looking for it everywhere. i'm at my wit's end; perhaps, the only place left to look is in my grave.

[the-thoughtdaughter]

girlhood is the ever-present urge to simply sell yourself - your dignity, your mind, your soul - for scraps of attention.

[the-thoughtdaughter]

[the-thoughtdaughter]

[the-thoughtdaughter]

people will hear you talk about struggling with mental illness and say “you can do anything if you just put your mind to it”. brother what part of the body does the mental illness happen in. what do you think is the problem

[the-thoughtdaughter]

The most terrifying part of having memory issues is when you can feel something from 5 seconds ago be thrown out the window and there's an empty hole where it once was. You remember that you forgot something.

[the-thoughtdaughter]

Someone in an autism facebook group I'm in just asked "How am I supposed to earn enough to make a living without burning out?"

Someone replied: "You're not. Even neurotypicals can't right now in the system designed for them. We're the canaries in the coalmine. When we start failing, they know something is wrong."

[the-thoughtdaughter]

—mothers

ijeoma umebinyuo // hyatt moore // class of 2013 by mitski // i, tonya (2017) // ? // gustav klimt // ? // lady bird (2017) // i remain in darkness by annie ernaux

[the-thoughtdaughter]

being the firstborn daughter of immigrant parents is a nightmare because it’s almost impossible to reconcile the relationship with your father.

you are simultaneously daddy’s little princess,

and the ultimate product of his anger and violence.

[the-thoughtdaughter]

cats are living, breathing proof of pretty privilege because my little princess could tear the whole house apart and she would receive a "stern" lecture (in a baby voice), a thousand kissies, and a nose boop as "punishment".

[the-thoughtdaughter]

( 𝒾’𝓂 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁𝓈 )

[the-thoughtdaughter]

born to experience happiness.

forced to remember it.