the-raccoon-empire

[the-raccoon-empire]

me and the gang

[the-raccoon-empire]

alligators bellow in water to attract mates

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NOBODY FUCKING MOVE.

[the-raccoon-empire]

hc that every couple months jason texts tim like "hey r you going rogue yet?" "no" "alr lemme know if you change your mind" until one night tim gets this text while he's having an absolute shit week and goes yknow what? why not and suddenly the internet is filled with news that red hood teamed up with an unknown associate to cause chaos(stealing from corrupt billionaire type chaos, not mass murder of innocents type chaos) and said associate randomly shows up again every couple months

[the-raccoon-empire]

Jason has Ghost Rabies

(This is a copy of my post in the DPxDC community)

That's it, that's the post. Ghost Rabies.

(Except it wasn't. Thanksgiving sucked, so I wrote more.)

Danny is just minding his business in Gotham, trying to balance sleep and earning his doctorate, when he stumbles across this otherwise normal mortal who's showing clear signs of Ghost Rabies.

Most living people can't see the symptoms, of course. Frothing at the eyes, ectoplasmic discharge from the ears, spectral fire around the hands and legs. For a ghost, it means hallucinations, aversion to positive emotions, and an over-alertness towards perceived threats. Thankfully since they're already dead, it's not fatal the way mortal rabies can be if left untreated too long - so long as they eventually see a doctor, a ghost will be no worse for wear.

Danny has no idea why this living guy is infected, or what kinds of unseen mental symptoms he has, but it cannot be good for him. It might very well be fatal to humans!

So he grabs this beefsteak of a man out of the crowd, drags him to an alley with the intention to knock him out and drag him off to Frostbite, and -

- the guy fights back.

Normally mortals can't even give Danny a bruise these days, but this guy damn near breaks Danny's jaw with a single punch.

And Danny knows, rationally, it must be the Ghost Rabies giving this mortal supernatural strength. But his instincts are telling him that this grown-ass ghost just sucker punched him, and now he needs to teach a bitch a lesson.

And well, Danny hasn't let a ghost get away with shit like that in years.

By the time he gets himself back under control, Danny has one broken arm and the other wrapped around the tanky mortal's throat, there's smoking craters of ectoplasm pockmarking the street, someone is redirecting traffic around the "rogue fight," and there is a Very Concerned Looking group of rich assholes hovering just out of the blast radius.

So Danny scoops up his prize - who looks a little bit concussed, but is still squirming and trying to smack him - and, figuring his cover is already blown anyway, just straight up teleports them both to the Far Frozen in a swirl of green fire and stardust.

Fuck Gotham, anyway.

[the-raccoon-empire]

It's the zombie apocalypse! Or, it's trying to be?

"Go to college!" Bruce had said, "You won't regret it!" he had promised, "Just go for one semester!" he had begged.

Well, as Tim watches the Chemistry lab across the hall become a horrifying chaotic mess of people turning into straight up zombies thanks to an experiment gone wrong, he hopes that Bruce realizes how wrong he was.

This?

Not worth it.

But the zombies...stop attacking?

They're all circling another student, staring intently and...trying to lick his hair.

Tim leans closer to the window in the door, ignoring his classmates behind him trying to pull him down to cover. They're overreacting; the door is locked and the zombies are no longer showing aggression, it's fine.

He instead focuses on the kid that's successfully stopped the zombie apocalypse by...becoming what appears to be a salt lick. For the zombies.

It's Daniel Fenton.

The kid hiding the fact that he's a meta.

They're in the same study group together, and it looks like Tim just found out what Danny's powers are; calming the undead.

Danny, however, just looks like he's on the verge of tears and exhausted.

Or; One of Danny's Chemistry classmates decides to go supervillain, and turns most of his Chemistry class into zombies. But halfas are only half alive, and register as...not prey, to zombies. More like something to investigate? Definitely not to bite, though. Danny, however, knows they're licking the ecto in his sweat. He also knows he can't be turned into a zombie. Ugh. Ew. So... Fine. So Danny is forced to stand, in his Chemistry lab, getting licked by the zombies of his ex classmates while the living ones escape and call for help.

[the-raccoon-empire]

[the-raccoon-empire]

Okay I don't know who needs to hear this but I have seen a few people joking about it and it's not good.

If the results aren't what you had hoped for, do not kill yourself. If you're feeling suicidal because of the stress, go drink some water, turn on some music you like, and relax. It will be okay.

If you're one of the people who are talking about hurting others if the results aren't what you want, you also need to relax.

[the-raccoon-empire]

To all the trans people who see this tonight, no matter what happens, we will survive. Trans people will still be here 4 years from now and 10 years from now and 100 years from now and tomorrow. We have always existed and we always will. The world cannot unlearn about us; we are too public, too loud, too beloved, too present. Ill be here tomorrow. Please stay here with me.

[the-raccoon-empire]

oh!

that’s not good! 😃

[the-raccoon-empire]

ITS JUST THE RED MIRAGE ITS JUST THE RED MIRAGE ITS JUST THE RED MIRAGE

[the-raccoon-empire]

I have a twelve hour shift tomorrow

My family turned waiting for the election results into a drinking game. The only bad thing is I'm surrounded by six Trump supporters who think I voted for Trump. I'm drunk rn and am laying in bed because I'm more of a lightweight than others in my family lol. How are other people doing?

[the-raccoon-empire]

Oh no I'm gonna find out about very important news when it comes to the state of the country I live in while hungover. Fuck.

My family turned waiting for the election results into a drinking game. The only bad thing is I'm surrounded by six Trump supporters who think I voted for Trump. I'm drunk rn and am laying in bed because I'm more of a lightweight than others in my family lol. How are other people doing?

[the-raccoon-empire]

My family turned waiting for the election results into a drinking game. The only bad thing is I'm surrounded by six Trump supporters who think I voted for Trump. I'm drunk rn and am laying in bed because I'm more of a lightweight than others in my family lol. How are other people doing?

[the-raccoon-empire]

*Tim being thrown back in time and deciding to not get attached to past versions of his family*

Also Tim: *somehow ends up with baby Jason following him around like a duckling*

Tim: ...well fuck

__

fic: A Family History Rewritten by MysticMalady, TheBestTinyDragon

[the-raccoon-empire]

Tim for literally no reason: Hey Jason do yk where I can get some cocaine

Jason: Why tf do you need cocaine

Tim: I'm a teenage CEO why tf do you think I need cocaine

Jason: Fair enough. But I'm still not selling you cocaine

Tim: Why not? I just want to hang out with the other young finance bros

Jason: Hey dick head, tell your brother I'm not giving him cocaine

Dick: Tim are you okay? do you want to talk about this??

Tim: Uhg I'm fine. You're the one ones who said I should stop drinking coffee

Jason: and you thought this was a good alternative???

Tim: Come on I'll only do a little

Dick: Is this coz we spoiled the ending of wolf of Wallstreet

Tim: Why can't I just have some? You do!

Jason: No I don't

Tim: You're a crime lord

Dick: Yeah isn't it like part of the job

Jason: WHAT NO Stereotype much. I've never even seen cocaine up close

Tim: YOU'RE A CRIME LORD

Jason: Yeah not a drug dealer THERE'S A DIFFERENCE

Tim: I should have known your not cool enough to have drug dealer connections

Jason: OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA BUY A FUCK TON OF COCAINE AND DO IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU JUST TO RUB IT IN

Dick: Woah woah that's enough both of you. No one in this house is doing drugs. If anyone talks about cocaine again I'll tell Bruce you said you want to start a new crack epidemic. He'll make you sit in at strangers AA meetings and read through old case files of ex dealers and their autopsies. Don't. TEST. me.

Tim: ............

Jason: ............

Tim: Can you sell me meth?

[the-raccoon-empire]

I just remembered an idea I had where a bunch of DC characters who are kinda like 2 people in 1 body get temporarily separated, without any of the consequences that would normally come with that. They are then put into sort of game show to see how well they work together with their ‘other half’, and it is broadcasted across the world.

People like Etigran, Two Face, Creeper and more all get seperated. Some challenges they face include the newly wed game, three legged races, and various other cooperative games.

There’s tons of arguments, fighting, and a general lack of beating any challenges.

Billy and Captain Marvel work together so beautifully that whoever started the whole thing decided they didn’t need to keep playing so they spend rest of the game narrating together like those sports announcers. Billy’s a radio host and has great chemistry with Marvel so they’re extremely entertaining.

Occasionally they will take a few minutes to roast the contestants kind of like those old muppet men. It’s great and the viewers love it so much they forget their shock over the whole ‘Captain Marvel is using a young boy as his host/anchor to this realm’ thing.

Multiple contestants try to kill their other half. When they fail Billy and Marvel say “Womp womp” in sync.