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take a break while watching this little bunny cross your dash

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Report #48

Written by: Agents Reshi, Suki, Ford, Aevus, and Toprax

To do list

1.Find escaped cultists

2.Talk to Slaad lord Rennbuu – Lord of Colors

Agent Bee also mentioned that a head that past agents were studying had also gone missing. The agents (Reshi, Suki, Ford, Aevus, and Toprax) formed a hag coven so that they might share spells and then were sent out to limbo through Ikea. When they got through, they found themselves surrounded by Slaads of many colors and verities along a lake with colorful lilypads – many which had seemed unnatural – like plaid and sparkly slaads.

Though a myriad of awesome spells and abilities, the group crosses the water and lilypads to find Lord Rennbuu skinning the most colorful of slaads. He proceeds to tie-die the agents clothing, against their wills. However, between Aevus’s pretty words and Reshi’s blueness, he is charmed. He explains that his enemy, Ygorl, had joined up with Vecna and had. He then warns them that his right-hand-toad, Sorel, might be involved. He then gives the agents their blessing – Aevus gets purple snail shell skin, Suki becomes a walking glitter bomb, Reshi becomes a sentient shade of blue, Toprax becomes a pieces of an environment, and Ford became a truck shade of blue. A new salad is changed and skinned to give them a new map to send them on their way.

They proceed to meet and discover that there are slaad mingling with what seems to be cult members, with an odd shadow thing lingering in the corner. The agents quickly start overwhelming the slaad, sending them over the edge into the void of Limbo. It is quickly revealed that the cultists had been transformed into slaads themselves and were currently attempting to murderify the agents. While the agents were duking it out with different slaads, the shadow disappeared with a pop and suddenly one of the death slaads that had been pushed into the void were back. Aevus opens his magical senses and realizes that there is some time magic, just more powerful then he has experienced before and comes to the conclusion it might be a phane.

Suki and Ford watch as several slaads go through the stone and make note of it. And Toprax shot off some very amazing eldritch blasts. After the agents bravely kill the frogs, Reshi rushes to fight the phane, with Suki dropping a moonbeam to help him out, and it just brushes him off and vanishes. The group proceeds to go through the same, warping the world around them so they can continue to pursue the other slaads. They then find themselves in this horror dimension where they are surrounded by slaads, including a very anarchist looking frog - Sorel. They then talk to Sorel and ask to be taken to her leader and she obliges to take them to the place they need to be. And they immediately see the Cult leader and his right hand woman, who had been decapitated in the Valhallelujah mission, alive and well.

There is an epic fight – with Sorel taking notes. The phane does appear after the right-hand-woman is killed and they see a battle scene in Ikea of a gnome ranger who dances and they watch as a rapier appears as the right-hand-woman is blasted away before vanishing. Toprax was unfortunately slaadified. They were able to defeat all except Sorel – who leapt into the void when it looked like she was about to loose and lands on the back of an ancient brass dragon. So, after the fight, they pursue the dragon and they come up with a brilliant plan to magic themselves to the area where they are. Which is covered in strongly gravitational pulling portals. Ford nearly gets pulled in, but Reshi saves him and together all of them cling to the structures around them. Using some fey steps and pure gumption – Suki, Reshi, and Aevus do get close enough to talk to the dragon who seems very odd.

As Reshi talks to him, he starts to become convinced that this thing is a dracolich. It speaks of it’s dead friends and how awful life is. But Suki is able to perceive that this dragon is just incredibly depressed. So very depressed and wants to see the world end. Reshi decides he wants to fight this dragon and it flies off. To which it proceeds to fail nearly all it’s saves, which is pretty in line with it’s mental state but it does cause the phane to have to come and save them, with the right-hand-woman who does in fact die – yet again.

They go back to discuss what happened with Rennbuu, getting an ally to aid the Outer Bureau in it’s fight with Vecna. They are also gifted a plaid slaad skin with a little note card saying “It gladdens me to plaiden your sadden slaad.

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you’ll regret clicking this one.

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Report #47

Written by: Agents Genevieve, Oliver, Sylvanas, Gahar, and Orion

Mission Classified as: The Bleached Mountain

Report:

Agents were summoned by the Core to investigate the activities of the Church of the Beast. Worshippers of Rovagug had been destroying villages on the Pale Mountain, leaving only smouldering ruins. Agents arrived on the site of one of these villages and after some investigation, found that in the ruins of a former Temple of Saranrae, the cultists had stolen a magical artefact from the village. The Agents followed the tracks left by these cultists to a cave built into the mountain; this cave was serving as a base for the Church and was filled with cultists. After fighting their way through the cave, finding several books written by the cult, strange shrines and an inner sanctum where the leader of the cult was expecting the Agents. Despite nearly injuring several Agents, the leader and remaining cultists were killed. The inner sanctum had a ritual site that had recently been used, as well as several paintings on the wall depicting a flaming millipede. With the amulet nowhere in sight and the trail leading the Agents to believe the cultists moved it somewhere outside of the base using magic, the Agents opted to return home with the cult leader's body as well as the books recovered from the base.

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Report #46

Written by: Agents Kayden, Melora, Thyestes, Tanya, and El

Mission Classified as: Bounty Hunting in Heaven

Report:

The Summons and the Quest

A Single Angel Lawyer arrives in the temporal room, summoning Kayden Steelclaw. He informs Kayden that his pact with Viryn, the Hand of Justice, was not freely given power but a binding obligation. Confused, Kayden seeks out Melora, who explains that his agreement mirrors a warlock's pact, requiring them to complete a mission: tracking a fugitive from the god of justice. Realizing the nature of their task, Kayden recruits Thyestes, Tanya, and an unexpected ally, El. They convene for a feast and establish a hag coven to share magical abilities, all while the impatient Angel Lawyer observes, unimpressed, tapping his timepiece.

The Court of Tyr and the Prisoner’s Escape

Stepping through the portal, they arrive at The Court, a realm of Tyr on Mount Celestia, where Viryn presides. Before them, two fiends are judged, their essence examined before they are condemned to the Blind Prison. When Kayden steps forward, Viryn is disappointed—Kayden neither brought in a fugitive nor was aware he was supposed to. Viryn reveals that The Bureau’s interference with timelines and multiverses created an anomaly, allowing an impossible escape: Dr. Dark. Once believed dead after dealing with a Vecna artifact, Dr. Dark’s actions led to the fall of the SCP organization and the founding of The Bureau. The party is tasked with recapturing him, armed with a soul coin to imprison his essence, and sent to Venya, the third heaven, where corruption is spreading.

The Tower of Corruption

Upon arrival, Thyestes casts Feather Fall, and Melora, in the form of a flying dinosaur, carries the team, providing an aerial view of Venya’s pristine lands, now tainted by creeping corruption from the south. At the tower’s base, El and Tanya scout its walls, noting the strange glow emanating from different floors. Kayden, as reckless as ever, charges inside, suffering acid burns upon entering the orange-lit chamber. Infernal writing, an arcane eye, and a sword on a pedestal catch his attention. The inscription reads: He is always watching. Melora dispels the eye, allowing Kayden to retrieve the sword, which matches a symbol on the doorway leading upward. Tanya and Melora follow him to the yellow floor, where infernal tomes yield another message: He is the great protector. Meanwhile, Thyestes surveys the exterior atop his bronze griffon. Unable to withstand the prismatic light’s damage, El flees outside. Kayden retrieves a key from the books and ascends, encountering corrupted fallen angels. Tanya and Melora join the battle, ultimately defeating the empyreans and acquiring a mace that serves as a key to the basement.

The Basement and the Vow

Melora and Thyestes descend, uncovering a portal to the Nine Hells with a Balor standing guard. Thyestes, in his usual flair, commands the demon to dance while El snatches a shield to unlock the fourth floor.

Meanwhile, Tanya deciphers another line hidden beneath a feasting table: I pledge myself to him; mind, body, and soul. Melora, exploring further, finds yet another phrase: When the Whispered One rises, the heavens shall fall.

Drawing inspiration from the greatest wizard she knows, Atreus, Melora deduces that the tower’s painful light is an enhanced Prismatic Wall. By countering it with the correct damage types, they can safely ascend.

Breaking through each barrier, they reach a grim laboratory strewn with branded, dismembered corpses. The final inscription reads: In the shadow of his gaze, all shall kneel, for his will is eternal, his power surreal. The last puzzle—a door requiring a spoken vow. Thyestes boldly recites it, immediately succumbing to paranoid madness. However, the infernal words resonate with power, unlocking the final chamber.

Confrontation with Dr. Dark

Inside, Dr. Dark welcomes them, attempting to recruit them to his cause. Before he can act, Kayden unleashes a devastating attack, seemingly killing him—only for Dr. Dark to rise again. Melora identifies his phylactery, and the team works to destroy it while Tanya delivers the final blow. As Dr. Dark’s soul attempts to flee, Melora traps it within the soul coin. Among the remnants, they discover an amulet of Vecna, notes on lichdom, invasion plans for Mount Celestia, and three enigmatic mirrors. The reflections reveal a realm of spiders (linked to Lolth), a well with a claw (possibly tied to Null), and an impenetrable darkness they cannot place. Taking a rock as a marker for potential return, they depart for The Court.

The Right Hand of Tyr

Viryn blinds, binds, and sentences Dr. Dark’s soul once more. Upon hearing of the planned invasion of Mount Celestia, he removes his glove and presents them with The Right Hand of Tyr, an artifact capable of locating phylacteries and aiding in Vecna’s destruction. With a new mission ahead—the prevention of an invasion and the eradication of Vecna’s lingering influence—their path forward is clear.

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Report #45

Written by: Agents Cashmere, Jaimee, Lukas, and Coral

Mission Classified as: Whispers Beyond the Veil

Report:

At the behest of Dr. Grey agents were sent on a mission to Elysium to find a soul who knew valuable knowledge about Vecna. Stepping through the temporal they found themselves on a rather lovely beach. Cashmere ate some of the sand and dirt and confirmed that they were indeed in Elysium. Jaimee ate some sand as well, which was delicious. Looking around, Jaimee dove into the water to find more information. They found a group of fish, which they led in a dance routine and learned about the storm that brews over the ocean. Cashmere also spoke to an owl perched in a tree to learn more about this plane. They then found a boat and set sail across the ocean to find the isle they were sent to find.

Along the journey across the sea agents spent some time talking amongst themselves. Lukas tried to convince the others to purchase life insurance from his warlock patron, which Coral and Jaimee were going to buy into, but Cashmere was suspicious of this deal and stopped it from happening. And on they sailed til they approached a massive storm with thunder crashing down and lightning sparking across the horizon.

Seeing no other way, they charted a course through the storm with Jaimee at the helm steering the ship. The rain began pelting down, slamming into them, but they suspected this was no ordinary storm. Lukas confirmed these suspicions and dispelled some of the harsher effects of the storm. As they sailed through a fight ensued with a medusa lurking in the eye of the storm. Jaimee tried to steer the ship through the storm faster and away from this creature by conjuring a wall of water to push the ship forward but it sent the other three agents flying off the ship and into the water. After a tough fight with Cashmere becoming unconscious multiple times and Jaimee becoming petrified, agents successfully slayed the medusa and made their way out of the storm.

As the sky cleared and the seas calmed, agents took a moment to rest and dissect the medusa and her snakes. They also went fishing and Coral cooked them a delicious fish meal with fine wine accompanying it.

Eventually they found their way to a small island sanctuary. Docking the ship, the agents set off and found a little mouse sitting on the pier who led them to Lyra, the soul for whom they were sent to speak to.

They found her in a library and a discussion ensued about who Vecna is and what information she had about him. She shared knowledge about Vecna's phylacteries. Jaimee learned that after their strange encounter with the whispered one on a previous mission that they were not a living phylactery of Vecna. Their soul was their own, except for a small piece owed to their warlock patron. No other souls resided in their body. Cashmere contemplated what it would taste like if she licked Vecna’s soul. Lukas also tried selling to Lyra, a dead person, life insurance. Agents were given a few books to take back to Dr. Grey. Cashmere was also gifted the Kiss of the Changebringer for her kindness shown to the animals of the land and her skillful navigation of the path along Elysium to this isle.

They then attempted to return to the Bureau. Jaimee, Lukas, and Coral were ready to leave and stepped through the temporal, but Cashmere was entranced by the land. The dirt was too delicious and she was charmed into staying. Her mind kept refusing to resist the draw of this plane. Jaimee, confused by what was happening, eldritch blasted Cashmere, knocking her through the temporal and into the Bureau, but also knocked her unconscious. Luckily Coral was there and healed Cashmere.

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Report #44

Written by: Agents Phyre Wall, Callie, Kael, Gorath, and John

Mission Classified as: Giant Sized Fun

Report:

Agents are tasked by Alistair Blackwood to go investigate rumors of artifacts on Ysgard. The agent prepares to go on the mission by having Phyre conduct a ceremony of holy matrimony on Gorath and Kael. The agents step through the portal to the plane of Ysgard, specifically Muspelheim. The land is a fiery hellscape, and the agents find themselves near Surtr’s throne room.

In exchange for entertainment, Surtr will tell the agents about the smith he has nearby who makes “artifacts”. The agents participate in a series of contests against Surtr’s fire giants. 1st Kael climbs up a chain faster than the massive fire giant, winning a potion of Fire Giant Strength. 2nd, Phyre Truck carries a 200 pound boulder across 150 feet of lava faster than another fire giant, winning a potion of flight. Lastly Gorath and John stand underneath a waterfall coated in a hardened mud. In the end Gorath’s relentless nature allowed him to win a Quaal’s feather.

Surtr gives the agents the location and means to get to the forge. On the way to the forge the agents see a large adult red dragon engaged in combat with 4 fire giants. Continuing on to the forge, the agents while traversing a broken bridge, are attacked by lava apparitions, and the fire giant Zolheim. Defeating her, the agents rest up before heading towards the forge.

Issuing an infernal challenge, Phyre calls out the Fire Giant Brimskarda, who answers the call viscerally. With a brutal swing of her maul, she drops the Fire Genasi Wall.

The Battle continues until Phyre, rejuvenated, is able to land the killing blow on Brimskarda. Talking to the smith, Theldin, the group learns that giants have been coming to him and the star forge looking for artifacts they believe him to have created. A renowned smith, Theldin can make legendary weapons, but many believe them to be artifacts. Theldin believes someone is spreading false information to attract people to the forge. The agents discuss this with Surtr, who informs them that he and his giants will take no part in the battle with Vecna, but to be warned that Vecna often uses secrets as well as false secrets to do his bidding.

Secret Uncovered: Investigating rumors of artifacts in Ysgard, agents learn through Surtr that the artifacts may be a false trail.

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Report #43

Written by: Agents Natasha, Gahar Ironhand, Hitaka, and Oliver

Mission Classified as: Pest Control

Report:

The Bureau intercepted a distress call from a Sarenite monastery on an island off the coast of Taldor, which found itself under attack by cultists of Rovagug. The Worldbreaker's followers rarely engage in such coordinated strikes, usually preferring to enact mindless violence upon whomever happens to be nearby, so this stood out to us as potentially suspicious. Agents Natasha, Gahar, Hitaka and Oliver were sent to investigate.

Upon arriving at the monastery, agents encountered a mingled force of qlippoths, demons, and mortal cultists. The attackers had already massacred the majority of the monastery, but were still attempting to breach the main temple when agents arrived on-scene.

After a fierce battle against a Wrecker Demon, the party managed to disperse the cultists and recover a diary belonging to one. Using his codebreaking experience, Agent Oliver managed to decode the entries, finding a record of visions and portents the cultist had believed were sent by Rovagug, demanding they seek out information on the 101 pieces of the heart of Kothogaz, a terrible Spawn of Rovagug which was destroyed in ages past.

Conferring with the survivors that had taken refuge within the temple confirmed that the Sarenites there did indeed safeguard such knowledge, but they refused to hand over their scriptures to the Agents despite their gratitude at being saved. Instead, the party helped the Sarenites to safely evacuate the island with their sacred texts, fleeing to the mainland to hopefully remain at least one step ahead of the Worldbreaker's followers.

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Report #42

Written by: Agents Ges, Turduk, Phyre, and Kael

Mission Classified as: Don’t be Suspicious

Report:

Agents were sent on a mission by Dr. Grey after she received a letter from an old colleague, named Lyra, requesting for help and to discuss a particular multiverse menace, Vecna.

Upon speaking to her in her library agents learned a bit more about who Vecna and what he does. They were given a coin with the cults symbol and the passphrase “May his eye watch over us. May his hand guide us” and off they ventured to the lair. Turduk tried several times to convince the group to go drinking instead, but they tricked him into following them to the lair instead. But this did not stop Turduk from getting quite drunk as he brought his own tankard of ale.

Using their keen persuasion and deception skills, as well as lots and lots of bluffing, agents were able to enter and venture deep into the cultist lair, though with a bit of sleight of hand they left behind hints that they were there. Kael hid amongst the doomsday pamphlets he was tasked with writing that Vecna sucks.

Eventually they found a way downstairs, deeper into the lair. The agents faced a few more challenges, including gibbering mouthers and cultists who tried leading them out of an area they were not supposed to be in, but agents were successful in their tasks. And as they went they left not so subtle signs that they were there, including setting a bed on fire, defacing altars with writing that Vecna is horrible, shattering statutes, stealing robes, knocking out guards, and putting insect repellent in the food to poison the cultists.

Then they found a room with a group of cultists in green robes unconscious and another in purple robes chanting some odd words. In the middle of the room was a small glowing orb. Some were momentarily charmed by this odd orb but Kael broke them out of it by casting darkness.

Agents then decided to wake up some of the unconscious cultists to interrogate them. They learned that some of these cultists were merely villagers seeking a place of better employment. A safe place with food and a warm bed. The cultists explained how they were recruited here. They said they were told that the Whispered One foretells the end of times and he shall whisper when the end will happen so his followers may be protected and kept safe. Kael sacrificed one of the cultists and forced them to look through the orb to learn what it was. And as suspected it was a fancy scry ball through which Vecna can see. Quickly dispatching of these cultists agents moved on to the next room.

In this next room they found some sort of arcane circle carved into the ground and a strong sense of necromantic magic coming from the circle, as well as from the mage leading the ritual. Agents tried deceiving the mage that they were merely there for the ritual but a spell was cast trying to ensnare the agents so they could be the sacrifice for the ritual. A fight ensued and Kael killed the mage by casting fireball, though he cooked Ges a bit in the process as Ges was caught in the fireball.

Agents found a note on her body describing how the cult was organized and the names of the person in each rank. It described how a branch of Vecna’s cult is known as an organ and within each group there are several roles. There is a Thought of Vecna who is the overseer of an organ, the Blood who are the hired muscle, there are the Nails and Lashes who are the soulless undead bodyguards, the Fingers who are the trained assassins, the Memories who are the scholars and managers of day to day business, the Teeth who are arcane spellcasters, and the Spawn who are the lowest rank, the common worshippers.

Taking the Thought’s head, agents went back to the library to retrieve a few books that Lyra wanted to give to Dr. Grey. But as they walked down the path they saw the library burning. Stumbling through the smoke they found all of the books burned and Lyra dead, as well as a glowing orb. From the orb a voice rang out, laughing at the folly of the agents' ways and spoke of how it was going to convert all of them to his side or kill them all. The orb then exploded, knocking out Kael. Using his keen detective skills Turduk noticed that there were footsteps leading back up the path from where they just came, indicating that the cult was responsible for these events.

By Kossuth, Lord of the Flames, blessing, to whom Kael was now dedicated through a ceremony cast by Phyre, agents were able to safely return to the Bureau. With them they brought Lyra’s dead body, the decapitated head of the Thought, and the fancy scry ball that Vecna can see through.

Dr. Grey spoke to Lyra through speak with dead. Lyra pleaded: “Please don’t bring me back, but come speak to me in Elysium and I shall share my knowledge with you.

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Report #41

Written by: Agents Gorath, Akame, John, Ges, and Hestra

Mission Classified as: Modron Machinations

Report:

Agents were dispatched to locate a devious Modron, "The Decaton", that had strong telepathic powers. They tracked it to Radian on Mechanus and were zeroing in on it when the locator device they were using exploded and killed the agents and destroyed the nearby buildings. A second set of agents was dispatched to the site to investigate and determine if the Decaton was present. A Formian Myrmarch that agents had helped in an earlier Plane-Demic mission on Mechanus joined the group to use her telepathy and familiarity with the Decaton to locate it.

The Agents were met on Radian by a suspicious Moignos (mathematical spirit) and its humanoid guards, patted down for explosives and then escorted to the bomb site. They encounted the ruins of an Arcane Clocktower and the Myrmarch indicated she felt the presence of the Decaton. They proceeded inside and had to navigate a perilous walkway and flying gears that sparked with lightning and fire to reach a portal into the lab of the Decaton. At first the lab appeared to be deserted but then they were greeted by an evolved humanoid who now had attached mechanical arms and construct brain. One sounded the alert and battle ensued with the Evolved Human Warrior that had eight arms with many weapons... and the Decaton.

Agents and the Myrmarch fought bravely (some were a little foolhardy) and narrowly prevented the escape of the Modron through a quick dispel (via new enspelled armor) of a portal. The Modron was defeated and then after a brief telepathic exchange with the Myrmarch exploded into tiny bits.

The agents learned that a network of cults led by "Eyes" and "Hands" are behind the attempt to disrupt the Outer Planes. In Mechanus' case they have located beings that bristle at the confines of Law, Order and Hierarchies and dangle the promise of better skills and/or human-like qualities to entice these beings to "Evolve" to a better state. The Evolution spell is partially made possible via a green liquid found in the lab that preserves humanoid flesh but also feeds and transforms it into a guided state or ability. What's kept secret is that the Evolution spell also weakens the mind of the affected and makes it easy to Charm and Dominate them.

[the-outer-bureau-daily]

Report #40

Written by: Agents Mirage, Coral, Suki, and Reshi

Mission Classified as: To the Beastlands… and Beyond

Report:

Agents were tasked by Steve, the most amazing Leonin in the Bureau, to go see a contact who requested help by the name of the Cat Lord. Agents Mirage, Reshi, Suki and Coral headed to go meet the Cat Lord and discovered a plot between the Whispered One and Lady Tirimula and the rise of monstrosities in the Beastlands. They were directed to go see the former Lieutenant of Lady Tirimula who had been exiled and see what they discovered.

On the way there agents had a long and winding path to follow but due to the "curious" nature of this group they made a plan to use a delicious smelling Reshi and a pile of food from a Bag of Bounty to attract any enemies. This plan worked so well that they were almost overwhelmed by Underworld Ceberus' and Ironbark Treants but winning their way through.

Upon arriving in the Mushroom Glade they observed Lieutenant Titania being accosted by a group of Chimera's, Night Hounds and Blazebears and breaking through a magical barrier they joined the fight and were able to defeat them before they could kill Titania. She was able to provide some information as to the weaknesses of Tirimula and could teleport the agents to her stronghold. After declining to join her army they set off to confront Tirimula....

Agents assailed the stronghold of Tirimula and it was a strong and intense battle with more and more mimics being summoned through the "gate". There were fierce monsters capable of halting the charge of the spellcasters and Tirimula's Rahkshasa nature kept the battle going. The continued Holy Aura of Suki and her Twilight Sanctuary being the MVP's of the battle keeping the agents alive against all odds. Mirage was able to chip away at Tirimula whilst Reshi brought the Boom and unleashed elemental fury upon the foes. Coral supported with healing to keep them going. A great team effort and at last they discovered that the portal gate was in fact a Gate Mimic named Tiffany who was slain and a magical orb left behind with a message from the Enemy who Must not be Named stating they had been fooled into chasing after this portal and in which Agent Bromm was called out as the desecrator of his mothers corpse and vengeance was sworn when he was able to find the Arch Mage and his Mother's Skull.

Post battle the Cat Lord returned and swore to aid the agents in their fights but alas the rumours of a portal to Sigil were false and twas only Tiffany.

[the-outer-bureau-daily]

Report #39

Written by: Agents Hestra, Turduk, Ehrendil, and Ges

Mission Classified as: Valhalleluja Part 2 Electric Boogaloo

Report: The party went forth, Turduk much more drunk than before and Ges plucked clean of all his feathers - which he had to reclaim by killing all the cultists. They engaged in battle with the basement dwellers and some of the more powerful cultists. There might have been a well timed fireball. One of Hestra's plans fails. They quickly noticed that a lady who was in front of the portal - paying it more attention than them. Rude.

They did notice that a couple of the more professional cultists were doing more damage then they should. After killing the majority of the basement dwellers and a professional, there was a knocking on the portal, shifting the location around them to a shattered plain as slaad started coming through the portal. Another one of Hestra's plans fails.

After some confusion about who was on what side, Ehrendil captured the lady and began to interrogate her. He found out she was the Cult of Vecna and was the reason that things were falling apart at the Church of Ikea. The red slaads to proceeded to turn a professional into a blue slaad. Then Turduk used an eldritch blast to send her and Ehrendil's rapier flying and then the slaads killed her. Ges killed one of the professionals and foiled Hestra's plan - again.

After a bit - Ssendam the Lord of Insanity comes through and meets the agents, after making sure they weren't affiliated with Vecna, she waited for the Lady of Pain and Odin to arrive. Ges realized how powerful she was and that she was Sandas? Sandalam? Salad nir-god in broken common. The Odin and the Lady of Pain arrive and the three of them begin to talk. After some politeness for Ehrendil towards Odin - Odin nudges him towards the Vecna lady's body and they find a tome and Turduk had Hestra go up and pick up the tome and she did. And got some short term madness before Ehrendil shoved a potion of Greater Restoration down her throat.

He also picked up a magical pendent and saw the symbol of a hand and an eye on the Book. Embossed around it is some writing and brought them and the lady's body through the portal.

What was written on the book:

Charm of the Creeping Hand: With my charm - my favored ones can strike harder for a small period of time

Charm of the Eldritch Eye: See your enemies and know their movements.

Then the agents got drunk and partied.

[the-outer-bureau-daily]

Report #38

Written by: Agents Laz’gar, Iris, John, and Erazire

Mission Classified as: Dealing with Devils

Report: The Agents were summoned by the Core to discover the location of a Cult base hidden in the fourth Hell, Phlegethos. Agents were sent first to the city of Abriymoch to pursue a potential lead. A wealthy devil living in the city knew the location of the cult base, and the Agents opted to speak to the devil and hopefully get the location. After some negotiations, the Agents agreed to return a missing artifact that the cult stole from the devil in exchange for learning the base's location.

The Agents proceeded to the base, crossing the barren, fiery hellscape of Phlegethos before reaching the side of a large volcano. After climbing the side, they reached a cave on the side, marked on the map as the location of the base. Going into the cave, they eventually reached the base and discovered that it became the sight of a massacre. Cultists had been slaughtered by hideous, mangled monsters which resembled once living people that would leak a strange balck substance. The Agents fought their way through the base before reaching a room resembling the remains of a lab. There they discovered the purpose of the base.

The cultists had been in this base for over 4 years, experimenting on innocent people in the hopes of creating a new weapon to serve the Cult, named the Hollow Vessel. The process, as described by records recovered from the base, would involve forcibly removing the soul from a body and replacing it with massive amounts of magic. This would create an incredibly powerful undead that would sustain itself using magic, could use the black substance leaking from its body as weapons or to fuel dark abilities, in theory would be nigh unkillable and could be controlled by the Cult's necromancers. In reality, the cult's labour only began to show fruit in the last year. They managed to keep the monsters alive but they would appear mangled and disfigured, unfit to be used as weapons. Later experiments created stronger variants that the Agents found and fought. These monsters were far stronger but still not the final product the cult desired. The final trial entries listed mentioned one final trial involving a cultist named Deimos, who after years of physical and mental conditioning could potentially become the Hollow Vessel.

With this knowledge, the Agents continued their search for the missing artifact which led them into a secret room. Inside they found the surviving cult members performing a dark ritual which they immediately jumped at to try and stop. Sadly, despite their best efforts and an outstanding display of skill, 3 of the cultists managed to escape after completing the ritual, leaving no trace. With the battle concluded, the Agents performed one last search, finding not only the artifact but also records kept by the cultists about the potential location of the Bureau (all of which were false), which the Agents on sight immediately destroyed. The Agents concluded the mission by returning the artifact, collecting bodies of the failed Hollow Vessel experiments as well as the black liquid they created before returning to the Castle.

[the-outer-bureau-daily]

Report #37

Written by: Agents Phyre Wall, Senji, Kael, Callie, Atreus, Thyestes, Cashmere, Melora, Reshi, and Suki

Mission Classified as: Groom, Widow, Kick-Puncher, Phyreman

Agents meet up with a small party of drow. They are followers of Vhaeraun. They tell the agents that they have a device that can destroy Lolth’s portal but they need assistance getting close to the portal to use it. Agents Senji, Phyre Wall, Cassie, and Kael head out to close the portal. Fighting Large spiders along the group find themselves battered and beaten along the way. Seeing Callie and Kael taking a lot of damage, Phyre offers to marry them. The ceremony should bolster their defenses.

Wedding in the Abyss:

Kael and Callie consent to be married, gaining the benefits of divine protection as long as they remain close to each other. Continuing to the base of the platform that has the Portal to Sigil, the agents are greeted by a yochlol who attempts to dominate the Senji, before launching into an attack. As the agents fight the Yochol an ancient deep dragon emerges from the ground beneath them, and unleashes its spore breath upon the group, knocking out most of them and killing Kael outright.

Rescued in the Abyss:

The agents head through the temporal to the demonweb pits. Planning to make quick work, Melora wild shapes into a Pterodactyl and placing the party on her literally she attempts to fly to the portal in view. The thick webs of the demonweb pits snag and restrain her and the party, halting the dinosaur mid flight. Extricating themselves from the webs, the agents rush the Yochol and the Deep dragon near the portal. While maneuvering into the position on the dragon it unleashes a breath of spores upon them, coating them in spores and calling another ancient deep dragon.

The dragon arrives from beneath the feet of Cashmere and attempts to eat her, trapping her in its mouth before unleashing spores from its mouth. In order to free Agent Cashmere, Melora polymorphs her into a gargantuan spinosaurus, shattering the lower jaw of the dragon. In retaliation to the pincer attack, Atreus calls forth a meteor swarm that decimates the 2 dragons, the portal platform, and the portal itself. As the portal shakes and breaks, a large wyrm erupts from it. Launching a breath attack that attacks the psyche of the party, its spores fill the cavern and melt the very ground it touches as the ground softens and snags the agents.

The group begins to whittle down the defenses of the Great Wyrm, despite its best attempts to kill the strong agents. As the fight continues, it soon becomes clear that the agents are too powerful for the creature and the accumulated damage leaves the Wyrm exposed and vulnerable for Agent Thyestes to make a finishing blow. With the threats neutralized, the agents look for the remains for the dead agents they were sent to the abyss for.

Transformed in the Abyss:

Agents, Phyre, Kael, and Callie are easily found, their bodies covered in spores, and unmoving. Their death collateral damage from the fight between the powerful beings. As the agents look at the bodies, they realize that they are missing one agent. Looking around for the monk, they find that Atreus’ meteor swarm destroyed the body of Senji, except for his hands, which were protected by the Wraps of Dynamax. Gathering the dead, the agents realize that most of the agents have been dead for too long, and that they will need assistance in order to resurrect them.

Sending a message to the Bureau for Agents Reshi, and Suki to assist in the resurrection process of Phyre, Kael, and Callie. While waiting, Atreus recognizes that Senji is the agent he recently helped make reincarnation dust with. Searching around they find the pouch of dust secured safely inside the Wraps. The dust was secured underneath and protected from the harmful blaze. Using the dust on Senji, his body is reincarnated from his hands, and Senji breathes life again, although he finds himself to be different. His hardened carapace and other traits of his Simic Hybrid species are no longer there, and he has the features of an earth Genasi.

With the arrival of the clerics, the other dead agents are brought back from the grave. As all the agents begin to leave the demonweb pits, they leave a message with the rescued Vhaeraun Drow, and then leave for the Castle in order to drink till they can no longer stand.

[the-outer-bureau-daily]

Report #36

Written by: Agents Turduk, Alexis, Hestra, Ges, and Ehrendil

Mission Classified as: Valhallehuja

The agents were sent by Agent Bee to investigate a potential Vecna cult infiltrating the Church of IKEA in Sigil, the known location of the Door to Limbo. Agents Ehrendil, Alexis, Turduk, and Hestra arrived in Sigil, in front of the Church of IKEA and its neighbor – a transcendental dance house. As one of them was already drunk, they immediately went to the dance hall and investigated DJ Irelis, the dance floor man. While Hestra cuts loose to wild applause, Ehrendil uses his detect magic and the slightly drunk Turduk uses his tremorsense to feel out secret rooms in his vicinity. Both felt that strange things were afoot at IKEA.

So on their way over to IKEA, they meet and Alexis kills a guilty Vecna cultist. They find a new Christmas card inscribed to Travis from Santa. As Ehrendil, Ehrendil’s familiar, Alexis, and Hestra attempt to surreptitiously dump the body into a nearby dumpster, Turduk makes his way into IKEA. He finds shattered Christmas decorations and displays as well as a feathery blood trail. Meanwhile, after they throw the body into the dumpster – Ehrendil jumps in with him and casts speak with the dead on the corpse. He finds out that the cultist was a basement dweller, joined the cult because it seemed cool to serve some guy called the Master of Whispers, and that he felt incredibly guilty about killing some birds and reindeer.

Hestra joined back up with Turduk and they followed both the blood trail and voices to find more cultists. Turduk did some sick FBI moves to convey his plan before opening the door and shooting at the cultists. Ehrendil and Alexis and a quick battle commenced, with half of the cultists fleeing and hiding after watching their buddies get murdered by the agents. During the battle, a Ges appeared. Both gunshots and vicious mockeries flew wild. Eventually two were captured alive and while one was interrogated, the other was killed by Alexis with some truly vicious mockery. They found out that Vecna was finding cheap labor through the use of fliers and that they were assaulting what seemed to be a Santa’s lair. They tied up the latest basement dweller and went to find out more about their situation.

Turduk followed the cultist’s revelations and found a flock of dead Kenku – and proclaimed he knew about this all along. As they searched, Alexis heard some gospel music coming from down the hall. Hestra and Ges searched the area, only finding some tasty horse meatballs in lingonberry sauce. Eventually, Alexis and Ehrendil joined them and with their mental powers and the effect of Limbo combined, they shifted the flooring into steps to the workshops and dungeon. Hestra, who was now Turduk’s deputy, let him know they were on the move and he joined in.

They saw many workshops and storage rooms and as they went deeper, they began to see toy workshops and eventually stables. Most of the stalls were empty but they did see the sad sight of a couple downed reindeer. Eventually they made it to the doors where the singing was coming from and prepared for battle. After a short but intense fight with much stronger cultists, they freed the surviving Kenku and met their leader, Fogal. He then guided them to a trail room where the agents had to figure out bells, mirrors, and eventually sleep.

[the-outer-bureau-daily]

Report #35

Written by: Agents Aevus, Suki, Cashmere, Folli, and Barbaro

Mission Classified as: Worming Our Way Through Tartar Sauce

Upon opening a letter, the agents were flung through the fabric of reality, hurtling across the Outer Planes until they arrived before a grand portal. On the other side lay a stunning fey garden, awash with vibrant, otherworldly hues. At its center stood a dais, where a silken voice greeted them, summoning them forward.

There, they met Parrafaire, Naga Prince of Secrets, resplendent and serpentine, with eyes like shifting galaxies. He introduced himself as a god of secrets, irked that Vecna received all the acclaim for hoarding hidden knowledge. To spite the Lich Lord, Parrafaire had stolen one of Vecna’s prized artifacts and now offered it to the agents—on one condition. They must perform a task on his behalf: visit his troublesome neighbors and request they cease their infernal racket. The neighbors in question? None other than the residents of the ominous Mausoleum of Pain.

Parrafaire gave strict instructions on how to unlock the mausoleum's portal: knock precisely 42 times, ask for a cup of sugar, and enter. But first, the agents were left to explore his domain, known as the Trickster’s Delight.

Adventures in the Trickster's Delight

Within the Delight, whimsy mingled with menace. The agents encountered a teenage naga painting a tortoise’s face in absurd patterns. Before long, Cashmere, Suki, and Folli succumbed to curiosity, allowing their own faces to be painted. However, the encounter left them feeling oddly... diminished, as though their very intelligence had been siphoned away.

Further along, they met Eliza, a naga who challenged them to a cupcake-eating contest. The prize: a gleaming potion of mysterious origin. Aevus emerged victorious, devouring more cupcakes than anyone else, but not without consequence—he developed an incessant tic, perpetually adjusting his hat as if the sugary excess had rewired his nerves.

The Snakerson Sisters, a trio of cunning naga, offered tantalizing information—if the agents could retrieve a black candle hidden deep within the Mausoleum of Pain. Meanwhile, Cashmere, ever the inquisitive druid, tasted the soil beneath her feet, confirming that despite the garden's enchanting beauty, they stood in a pocket of Tartarus. Speaking with bees in the garden, she gleaned a foreboding warning: heading to the mausoleum would be folly.

Later, the agents stumbled upon three mischievous gnomes who challenged them to a game of high card. When Aevus triumphed, a bizarre transference occurred—Suki, Barbaro, and Folli’s eye colors drained, leaving their gazes hollow, while Cashmere’s eyes absorbed the lost hues, blazing with unnatural vibrancy.

The Mausoleum of Pain

At last, the agents approached the portal and followed Parrafaire’s instructions. The door transported them to a grim graveyard, where tortured screams echoed relentlessly. Before the mausoleum’s entrance, a dragon-shaped door knocker was conspicuously missing. Searching the graves, the agents disturbed slumbering undead Salka, who rose to attack. In a fierce battle, Barbaro emerged victorious, slaying the creatures and retrieving the knocker.

Once affixed, the mausoleum’s doors groaned open, swallowing the agents into its depths. Darkness enveloped them as a horrifying creature clawed its way toward them, impervious to their attacks. Only when Cashmere summoned her dragon did the Scream Thief drain its voice, taking corporeal form. A brutal battle ensued, with the agents sacrificing summoned allies—an air elemental, a Balor, and yet another dragon—until the Scream Thief was sated and could be destroyed. During the chaos, Cashmere transformed into a worm, riding Suki’s back as they maneuvered through the carnage.

Beyond the final doorway, Barbaro and the Balor discovered an intricately carved stone door with a keyhole. In her worm form, Cashmere wiggled through, dropping into a ritual chamber. There, a Banshee Queen and her spectral minions were in the midst of a dark summoning.

The Banshee Queen

The confrontation was swift and devastating. The banshees' wails dropped several agents—Cashmere, Barbaro, and Aevus fell unconscious—leaving Suki to stand alone against the Queen’s enchantments. The Queen’s beguiling aura turned agents against one another, but Suki’s resilience revived Aevus, who in turn unleashed an arcane disruption that shattered the Queen’s hold on reality, sealing her fate.

With her death, the screaming ceased, and silence fell over the mausoleum. Yet, their trials were not over. Above them loomed a swirling vortex, etched with glyphs of summoning. Aevus deciphered the markings, identifying it as the Well of Souls, a portal from which dragons, slain on the Material Plane, were reborn as dracoliches.

Fearing a connection to Vecna, the agents employed Cashmere’s druidic “dirtsense” to locate an arcane eye spying on them. Dispelling the magic, they returned to the Trickster’s Delight, only to find a note awaiting them:

"Thanks for stopping the screams. The real treasure was inside you all along. –P"

Exhausted and exasperated, the agents activated their temportal, returning home to drown their frustrations in ale and reflection.

At least they hopefully stopped the connection with Vecna and the Dracoliches even if the artifact was not to be claimed

[the-outer-bureau-daily]

Report #34

Written by: Agents Fadia, John, Bug, and Gees

Mission Classified as: Formian Irregularity 2

After a brief skirmish against antagonistic Formians outside and aided by a 'normal' Myrmarch and its retinue, agents investigated an aberrant Formian colony. They were surprised by the Chaos they found inside. Evolved. Soldiers and workers gambling in a craps game. Another group of workers on strike for better wages and benefits, and others taking turns at karaoke. Some agents even joined in with their performances.

Delving deeper they found a Myrmarch who was suspicious and through persuasive reasoning was convinced to disclose a strong telepathic mind farther on was behind their Evolution towards freedom. It revealed uncertainty. There was a cost and it mades changes to their way of life. As the Myrmarch agreed to help, it was psionically incapacitated by this unseen mind. This strong mind then overtook the minds of the nearby Formians and battle ensued. Some agents engaged in a pitched battle while others ran ahead. They were surprised to discover a large Modron who was encouraging workers to leap into a maw. A battle of weapons and magic ensued and the large Modron sensing defeat was imminent and escaped through a portal. One agent glimpsed a large building with other Modrons in the background and then the portal disappeared.

The Myrmarch returned, calmed the remaining Formians and then considered what their future might be now that they had no queen and a taste of freedom.