the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist - Tumblr blog

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

I can't be autistic bc I'm actually great at understanding social cues!

[Cut to my POV, a Terminator-style overlay analyzing word choice and body language while over everyone's head a bar labeled Are They Mad At Me shows varying levels]

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

Fifteen year old me, deeply in denial: Im sure all girls wanna look like that

That:

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

You have no idea what I’m capable of. I don’t even know what I’m fucking doing.

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

fasjhghajf got a new firefox addon that lets you set themes to automatically switch to between specific times, set it to switch to Scary Red at 1am to scare me into going to bed and it works I got startled so bad when it suddenly changed to thsi fajgghasfj

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

Sometimes the rats in my brain come together and start yelling “YEARNING” and in trying to appease them I ask “FOR WHAT” but they are too small so all they can say is “YEARNING” which is a very big word for such a tiny creature, even collectively

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

I got 1 task done today. I emptied the big trash can in my bedroom. That's one less fork to deal with.

I have severe executive dysfunction. I've been dealing with it by having myself do one small task a day. So far it's helped a lot. By doing it this way my brain doesn't freak out trying to tackle everything at once.

I got my inspiration for it from this Donald Duck comic:

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

This too shall pass but like holy fuck

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

Stuck.

(it’s 2am, and according to your therapist, you have “a whopping case of ADHD”

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

asking "wait so what do you think I'm saying" mid-disagreement will replenish years of your life actually

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

I feel like I've had tinnitus for my entire life but that's just bc I'm the kind of autistic who hears electric screaming from TVs (even modern ones but CRTs are the worst) and grocery store freezers and automatic opening doors and shit but I do have tinnitus and don't know when it started bc I've always heard the angels screaming and I don't know what life without it is like and can never understand where people had "average" hearing and then developed the screams. The screams were always there, you can hear them now

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

dear people with OCD: the next time you have spiraling & intrusive thoughts, what-ifs, or catastrophizing scenarios, I am sending a cardigan-wearing 46-year old NYU professor directly into your brain and he says "Aaaaand scene!!!" and he claps his hands slowly. and he says "Wow. Wow. Powerful stuff. Evocative imagery. A little bit post-modern, a little bit hysterical realism in the vein of Don Delilo but let's pause right here." and you will recognize your thoughts as a perplexing avant-garde film shown to an audience of 15 liberal arts students who are now trying to get a good grade and sleep with their professor.

[the-one-to-show-to-my-therapist]

i would be soooooo powerful if i wasn't so deeply afraid of people and places and also things