the-jaded-botanist

[the-jaded-botanist]

sorry for disappearing like that yesterday guys

something urgent came up....

[the-jaded-botanist]

He thought he was...? No! That wasn't right at all! It was you...!

"N-no Dave... You're not.... You're not...."

You curl up on him, clinging to his shirt for dear life. You didn't want to lose him. You didn't want him to leave again. You just...

"I shouldn't have snapped at you like that... I'm sorry.... I made you cry...."

Dave: Show up at an inopportune moment ||TW: Suicide.

[the-jaded-botanist]

writing tip #700:

your characters are like geodes

if you want to see what they’re really made of

you must break them

[the-jaded-botanist]

Your hand had missed him. He was gone.Except he wasn't.... He was still there. Tripping and-

Oh god!

You don't even realize you're moving as you dive to cover his fall, your powers kicking in automatically to teleport the both of you to the softest landing you knew about: Your bed. Clinging to him, you start shaking again, but this time it was the fear that he no doubt felt when he first entered the room.

"Are you okay, Dave?"

You look up at him, jade eyes lit with concern and fear. Fear that he would leave you again. Fear that he nearly could have died. Fear about a host of other things.

"Please don't go...."

You mutter in a much smaller voice. You really didn't want him to go. At all.

Dave: Show up at an inopportune moment ||TW: Suicide.

[the-jaded-botanist]

You look at his frantic attempt to get away with a certain amount of pride, but you instantly shove that away. No. You don't want him to just leave again.... That is the exact opposite of what you want.

So you rise with him, making a grab for his arm.

"Dave...! Don't go.... Don't leave again....please...?"

Your voice is layered thick with desperation. A plea.

"I don't want to be alone anymore.... don't....Don't leave again, Dave...."

Eyes closed against the tears that still stream down your cheeks. You didn't mean to blow up at him like that... You didn't mean to make him want to leave again.

You should have just kept your mouth shut.

Dave: Show up at an inopportune moment ||TW: Suicide.

[the-jaded-botanist]

You want to turn. You want to just take hold of him and never let him go again. And that only makes you cry more.

"I don't know what's worse... The fact that you seem to expect me to just accept it when you leave..."

You turn to look at him, the pent up pain showing. Suddenly you look a lot older than eighteen. Your eyes are dull.

"Or the fact that I actually will...."

And you're up and walking over to him, kneeling before him and wrapping your arms around him.

"You're a fucking jackass for doing this to me, I hope you know that. But I'll still accept you. I'll still forgive you."

You pull back slightly to look him in the eyes.

"Have you figured out why, yet?"

Dave: Show up at an inopportune moment ||TW: Suicide.

[the-jaded-botanist]

The voice makes you freeze. It's him. He's here. He's home. He's back. You have a split second of gratitude and relief before all the anger you've held in for so long comes out and you take your fist and drive it as hard ar you can into this face.

"Where the hell have you been?! Why the fuck do you keep disappearing for months on end and expect me to just accept it without a word?! What the fuck are you thinking, Strider?!"

The tears were no longer sadness, but anger. Anger and pain.

"I wait. I sit there in that stupid little shop and I wait for you! I talk to you for five minutes, and for those fie minutes, everything is fucking wonderful. But then you just disappear! And you come back who knows how fucking long later and expect me to be okay with that?! LET GO OF ME DAMMIT!"

You shove with all your might against his chest, forcing yourself free of his grasp and standing above him.

"Why, Dave? Why do you constantly, and consistently insist on fucking abandoning me without a word? What makes you think that doing that is fucking okay?! Tell me, so I can know the next time you just disappear. Tell me, so next time you and I make plans, I know not to take them seriously, because YOU WON'T FUCKING BE HERE."

You step away from him on shaky legs. You're still recovering from death, and overcome with emotion. You collapse on the floor a few feet away, sobbing again.

"Why do you always leave, Dave...? What about me isn't worth sticking around for...? Tell me so I can change it..."

Dave: Show up at an inopportune moment ||TW: Suicide.

[the-jaded-botanist]

Something was touching you. Instantly shy away. No. You didn't want to be touched. You didn't deserve it. No. Get off.

You fall forward onto whatever had hold of you as it pets you like some sort of dog and-....kisses your forehead.

No.

Push away. You didn't want this. You didn't deserve it. Nobody wanted you around, remember? Push. Push away. No. Stay away from you. Your tears fall on it's chest as you fight to pull away. Didn't it understand how worthless you were? How much you didn't deserve to be here?

No. Let go!

Dave: Show up at an inopportune moment ||TW: Suicide.

[the-jaded-botanist]

Tick.

Just.

Tock.

Heroic.

Tick.

Tock.

For how long it judged, there was no telling. There never was in Paradox Space. But for you, it was a matter of minutes after Dave had shown up, unbeknownst to you.

Tick.

Tock.

Stop.

Your body is surrounded in a harsh, white light as life is forcibly breathed back into your unwilling body, and your consciousness returned with some degree of difficulty, simply due to the fact that you really did not want to come back.

Coughing as you opened your eyes. The light faded away and you ended up staring at the ceiling. Your ceiling. It hadn't worked. You couldn't even do the world the service of removing yourself.

Tears start to well in your eyes as you come to the realization that no matter what you do, you will never do the thing you want most of all as of this moment.

You cannot die. And that thought hurts you more than the abandonment ever did. You curl up in on yourself, shoulders shaking as you're wracked with violent fits of sobbing. Why couldn't Paradox Space just let you have this one thing? why couldn't you just sink into oblivion?

Why did you have to suffer like this?

Why you?

Dave: Show up at an inopportune moment ||TW: Suicide.

Read More

[the-jaded-botanist]

Jade: Take drastic measures ||TW: Suicide.

You used to have narcolepsy, but after the Game, it turned into insomnia. You're only supposed to take one....

You down the whole bottle, taking a long drink or two of water to help them go down.

You lie down on your bed, and you wait. You slowly feel yourself slipping. It feels just like sleep, this cold, welcoming dark. You try to smile, but your muscles can't seem to move. Oh well. That's not so bad, you think.

You call up one last memory. The only memory that ever really mattered to you lately.

You remember Dave's smile.

And you stop breathing.

[the-jaded-botanist]

just one of those days i guess...

i will just be lurking and posting on my vent blog to save you the trouble of scrolling past my bullshit.

aren't i so fucking considerate?

[the-jaded-botanist]

this is totally ooc btw

ok so since i just hit 1k followers (amaze) i wanted to do something special

because i want to thank everyone who has made the year and a half ive had this blog so great seriously you guys are hella rad i love my rp blog because of the people i rp with every day you guys are great i cant even

so im doing! a giveaway!!

a real one this time not a joke one lmao

ok so here is what you could win

!ONE (1) full dave god tier outfit!

the winner of the giveaway will receive daves full god tier outfit in their size including a cape hand sewn by yours truly to your exact specifications

here are some examples of mine if you want to see what thatll look like

and heres where you can look at everything i sew if youre interested for some reason idk

this giveaway is for the outfit only so that means pants shirt and cape no accessories or shoes sorry B(

the winner will be given a few extra choices for how they want their outfit made too so it doesnt even have to be exactly the same as my stuff wow

ok anyway sorry i talk a lot let me get to the point heres the rules

1 reblog and 1 like only please thanks

you dont have to be following me

giveaway and sideblogs are ok

please have your inbox open so i can message you if you win

be prepared to give me measurements so i can make the outfit

id prefer to ship only to the us but if the winner is from outside the us we can probs work something out

please give me some time to make your prize i sew everything by hand and i have a lot of projects going on so it might take me a little bit and youre getting it for free ok so im not gonna forget i promise

ok thats it

winner will be picked randomly on saturday february 15

[the-jaded-botanist]

acancerously-red-family replied to your post:acancerously-red-family replied to...

KARKAT: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!

it means that you and i are not synced up chronologically.

and also that you are still a shithead that is going to give me a headache with all your bullshit if i speak with you for long periods of time.

[the-jaded-botanist]

acancerously-red-family replied to your post:acancerously-red-family replied to...

KARKAT: THE LAME PART, OBVIOUSLY. (( pretty much current and same up until Jane happened, ish.))

oh well that explains it.

okay.

[the-jaded-botanist]

acancerously-red-family replied to your post:acancerously-red-family replied to...

KARKAT: …UH, YES.

oh for crying out loud....

where in your timeline are you even?

[the-jaded-botanist]

acancerously-red-family replied to your post:acancerously-red-family replied to...

KARKAT: SOMEWHAT. I NOTICED YOU WERE ALSO BEING BORED AS FUCK AND SUCH SO I MADE AN EXECUTIVE DECISION THAT I SHOULD COME TALK TO YOU.

.....an executive decision? are you still on about that?

[the-jaded-botanist]

acancerously-red-family replied to your post:acancerously-red-family replied to...

KARKAT: …YEAH.

so what brings you my way?

or is it just sheer boredom and lack of literally anyone else to talk to?