the-hiddenscars-blog

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U

[the-hiddenscars-blog]

Nothing lasts,” she says, and there’s a little crack in her voice. “You think it’s going to. You think, ‘Here’s something I can hold on to,’ but it always slips away.

Tim Tharp (via help-n-quotes)

[the-hiddenscars-blog]

A Letter

This is a letter to the person whom I broke and who later ended up breaking me.

Dear you,

I think I should start off by saying that I am sorry. 

I am sorry for everything that happened between us, sorry for the way I acted and sorry for where we are now.

The things that happened between us will forever be etched in my brain as unfair. I think it is sad and unfair that we had to leave our friendship there and never got to see where it could go.

I could write miles of things I am sorry for, regarding this situation, but I don’t think that would mean as much as me trying to explain it and talk about it. 

I want to thank you for being my best friend for the time you were, I really do. For a long time, you were my light, you were my hope. You were actually the reason I was alive and you were the reason I was looking forward to the next day. You taught me how to laugh after I’d forgotten, you taught me how to smile when all I wanted to do was cry and you taught me to love, not only others but also myself, which is something I’d deemed impossible.

I now regret, more than ever before, that I never told you this when I had the chance to. I really do regret not letting you know how much your love and caring meant to me. Even if I tried to, I don’t know if I would be able to. All I could say to describe to you how much you meant to me is that you made me want to live when all I wanted to do was die.

I want to tell you how wrong I was for doing what I did to you. I realize now that I must have broken you every single day for at least a year and I never knew what I was doing. I realize now that you must have been in just as much pain as I was, but I was too blind to see it.

This is one thing I truly regret in my life. I truly regret being such a bad friend to you. I regret that I caused you so much pain, but yet needed you to fix mine. I regret that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I regret being so self-centred that I couldn’t see outside of my bubble, I couldn’t see you and all you did for me. I regret being who I was back then, because that led to losing you.

I don’t blame you for breaking me the way you did, I really don’t. I’m just mostly sad it happened. I think you are too. I don’t wish that things would go back to the way they were, because then we might end up here again; both having heavy hearts and regrets over a friendship that meant the world to us.

I wish we could turn a blank page and move forward. I wish we could forget the pain we caused each other and try to remember all the joy instead. I wish we could push this joy over to our blank page and start from there. I wish we could start loving each other again without all the grudges and without all the pain. I realize it may not be that simple, but how I wish it was.

I want to end my letter by telling you that I still appreciate you. I still see you as a good person, no matter your actions towards me. I hope you still see me as a good person as well, even though I hurt you just as much as you did me. You will always be my best friend and you will always carry a piece of me with you.

I will always truly love you from the very bottom of my heart, even if you don’t love me.