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[the-dc-blogitician]

District Departure

April 23, 2015

This week I say goodbye to DC. Over the summer, I’ll be trekking to a very different kind of place, where life’s comedy could be a Mile High. With this, the nation’s capital will soon be one blogger down.

But fear not. The Metro Runners will sprint on. Political staffers will flash their badges. Everyday oddness will occur at Union Station. Food trucks will dish out delightful treats. And the bars will spring open for that special time of day.

Thanks to all my followers for riding alongside me, even through the Metro delays!

Cheers,

-The DC Blogitician

[the-dc-blogitician]

Platter Up!

April 22, 2015

Quarry House Tavern is alive! Head to its transplant bar before they start crossing out more stuff on this sign.

8402 Georgia Avenue in Silver Spring

[the-dc-blogitician]

Truck Stop

April 6, 2015 (post amended, in DC fashion, on April 17, 2015)

Think traffic in DC is rough? Well, food trucks will really cause a lunch time jam. Today I went to Señor Taco in Farragut Square. I was leaning toward picking this truck, but when the cashier behind her mobile countertop offered me some free guacamole, I made my order official.

As the hat wearing taco lady waited for the cooks to prep my food, I saw her nervously eyeing the other side of the park. I didn’t catch all her words, but she muttered “Peruvian” while restlessly tapping a pen. Sure enough, a Peruvian food truck sat across the grassy field. Her arch nemesis.

I sat on a bench in Farragut Square with my white rectangular box that could’ve either been holding a prom corsage or a burrito. I looked around. Across and to my right sat a bald man wearing a brown suit, thick-framed glasses, and a red and white Dr. Seuss-like bow tie. He was snacking on something from Devon & Blakely. ...Wait a minute, I thought. Devon & Blakely wasn’t a food truck. The mealtime mercenary’s lunch came from 18th Street! The wheeled food peddlers would be disappointed in this man. Especially Señor Taco’s embattled cashier. Scanning to my left, I spotted a woman sunning with her translucent Nordstrom bag. Eating wasn’t even on her mind. Also to my left was a man snoozing away on his bench. He could’ve been imagining any of the surrounding food trucks in his sleep, like anatomically incorrect Hungry Heart, exotic-sounding Kimchi BBQ Taco Korean Grill, or straightforwardly labeled DC Greek Food (I don’t feel they really put much effort into that one, but hey, I’m not behind the wheel.) With 15 trucks bordering the park, the sleeping guy had a lot to dream about. 

As lunch hour nears and the masses arrive, a lot more than food gets eaten in DC. People crunch their way onto the sidewalk between the trucks and a rope-gate sanctioning off the patchy grass. Seating space gets devoured, too. If food truck eaters can’t find a bench, they’ll handily scale the David G. Farragut statue anchored nearby. I’m convinced people would straddle the sculpture’s concrete cannons if it meant diving into their Feelin’ Crabby sooner.

Spring’s here in the District. Get out and enjoy!

[the-dc-blogitician]

Branching Out

April 1, 2015

A casualty of this year’s Blossom Kite Festival?

[the-dc-blogitician]

Gorgeoustown

March 25, 2015

If you’ve lived in DC, you have been to it. If you’re not from around here, you are probably going to want to visit it. Today I write about the gorgeous Georgetown. No train will get you to this waterside neighborhood. In fact, you’re more likely to reach this location by paddle. I call it the “Abercrombie and Fitch of America” because of the affluence it represents to visitors. But don’t worry about getting to Georgetown or how expensive it is there. Focus on what you’ll do when you arrive.

This part of Washington is associated with the university of the same name, in addition to the explore-worthy M Street leading up to campus. If you were to walk from end to end of M through Georgetown while making irresistible purchases at Pinkberry, Banana Republic, and Paper Source, cash would flow from your wallet as smoothly as water streaming through the nearby Potomac River.

Though you could easily become indigent by spending a day here, you don’t have to spend any money in Georgetown to see cool stuff. For example, it’s totally free to check out a narrow stretch of steps. Yes, I know that sounds like a pretty pedestrian experience, but this isn’t just any staircase. You may recognize them as the steps from The Exorcist. Hopefully, you manage yourself better on the steps than one of the characters from that film.

I get it. Steps won’t have everyone jumping out of the bus, which is the vehicle you’ll have to take to land in Georgetown if you don’t want to traipse cross a super bridge. For people who aren’t of the horror film variety, I’ve got a different tourist idea. Would you like to see a really antiquated building? If the answer’s yes, stroll into the Old Stone House. It’s exactly as it sounds. This house also hosts the expected addition of a gift store. What’s so great about this place? I won’t tell you here, but I’ll throw you a hint: it should be called the Oldest Stone House. The same can’t be said for its gift store companion. That would be a bit much. Can you imagine what a souvenir mug might look like from the 1700s? “No imitation filler. Our mugs are always made with REAL mud from the local creek.”

Yes, Georgetown is expensive, but looking around this beautiful neighborhood can be a free experience. There’s no municipal “vision tax” or anything. Yet.

[the-dc-blogitician]

New Weather

March 14, 2015

…and lots of people probably dancing in the rain, too!

[the-dc-blogitician]

Bethesda Blockade

March 1, 2015

Don't step into this pillar's personal space.

[the-dc-blogitician]

Right Leaning Politicians

February 20, 2015

I snapped the below picture of a mural earlier this week near the Adams Morgan neighborhood (during one of DC's snow days, no less).

It seems that after brick brushing a couple presidents onto the right side, the artist started making these famous leaders lean on each another. At this rate, the winner of the 2016 presidential election may crash into Barack Obama’s dazzling blue velvet suit.

[the-dc-blogitician]

Step To It

February 17, 2015

Where can you find a Supreme Court Justice pining for a fellow bench associate? Or the Vice President of the United States strumming a guitar while musically discussing his political shortcomings? Okay, nowhere. Not seriously, anyway. Humor lovers, come together, there is a way around this.

In The DC Blogitician, I highlight funny situations that naturally unfold around the nation’s capital. But if you’re in the mood for a little formal comedy, head to the Capitol Steps!

No, I’m not talking about the physical structures connected to the dome with its scaffold covering. I’m talking about the live performance. Located in the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center, the show will give you a completely new look at political goings on. Unlike the skits of Saturday Night Live, the Capitol Steps show centers mostly around musical humor. Its scenes are inspired by well-known 60s or 70s songs, where the cast amends the lyrics in atypical DC fashion. A personal favorite of mine is an adaptation of “Lyin’ Eyes” by The Eagles, cleverly transformed into “You Can’t Hide This Biden Guy.”

The cast is always changing—just like the political make up of DC—so it’s hard to say who you’ll watch in a given night. The songs update, too, according to current events.

To get stepping to this show, visit www.capsteps.com. Just as many politicians run for re-election over and over, you might find yourself headed back to this performance many times!

[the-dc-blogitician]

The State of Union Station

February 7, 2015

Earlier this afternoon, I spent some time at DC's Union Station. Here is some of what I witnessed:

-A family posed for a picture next to a garbage can in the food court. The backdrop? A closed Burger King.

-A couple (presumably husband/wife orboyfriend/girlfriend) was at a kiosk where the seller had hats. The girl was wearing one of these accessories, and the guy said, “I like the hat, I just don’t like it on you.”

-A souvenir store had oval-shaped Chris Christie 2016 magnets for sale. I flipped one of them over to check out the cost. $1.99, down from an original $3.99. Did this place adjust prices based on polling data?

[the-dc-blogitician]

Train Strain

January 8, 2015

Waiting passenger: "What's the problem?"

Metro employee: "Eight degrees."

[the-dc-blogitician]

Beware

December 23, 2014

It’s not worth going to jail for listening to an '80s boombox. And nobody wants to face a stiff-arm penalty for releasing palm-sized diamonds onto train platforms.

Whatever strange rules you must follow for travel this season, have a marvelous time along the way!

[the-dc-blogitician]

Sweet and Greet

December 21, 2014

Yesterday I met the White House's former Executive Pastry Chef! I unexpectedly ran into Roland Mesnier, a true "Superman of specialty food," and got to ask him some questions about attending to presidential ambitions of an edible nature.

So how did Mesnier find himself at arguably the most desirable kitchen in the United States? The pastry chef said he decided to don an apron at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue after being convinced by then-First Lady Rosalynn Carter, thereby shedding his previous reservations about joining the team. Another fun fact: of all the U.S. Presidents who enjoyed the chef's baked goods, Bill Clinton presented the greatest challenge (a need to avoid certain food ingredients was the culinary culprit for the 42nd President). Finally, Mesnier told me he put a self-imposed limit on the number of times his food creations were available for tasting. Since he insisted that each of his desserts were to only be served a single time, it made everything from Mesnier's kitchen a doubly rare form of mansion brand dessert.

If you're so inclined, do your passion. It could have a pretty sweet payoff.

[the-dc-blogitician]

Packaging

December 6, 2014 (post amended, in DC fashion, on April 17, 2015)

If I brought you a three-tiered cart and said, “Get ready to do pack ‘n stacks and red bags,” you might start to really wonder about me. In reality, the above descriptors are commonplace at Food & Friends, a DC nonprofit where I volunteer on weekends.

Because Food & Friends has many meals to deliver, the organization requires a handful of Saturday volunteers to make its nutritional nucleus more efficient. Burgundy Crescent Volunteers dispatches a fleet of people to help fill the order, ensuring that Food & Friends operates as it should each month. 

There’s a coding system invented by a food-minded fellow or two, and it determines which edible items get placed into which bags. Does a bag labeled with text like Heart Healthy/Soft/Diabetic, Glucerna, and SNP sound hard to properly create? Like maybe you need to do a banana split out of the building and into the parking lot? Don’t worry, successfully packaging this combo isn’t too daunting. In fact, once you know what you’re doing, the process can be as simple as eating a chicken patty. 

Brown bag production can be microwave-your-dinner fast or syrupy slow, depending on if you have the necessary items to continue working. If you hit an obstacle, it can lead to a situation where you have a bunch of mostly guys standing around like a group of frozen Pac-Man figures. Either way, it’s a lot of fun.

To food. And friends.

[the-dc-blogitician]

Sound Bound

November 13, 2014

Arms swayed, forming an energetic sea anemone from below. Beams of light glided, offering vibrant ‘hellos’ to lookers-on. Speakers towered, blasting audio waves against already buzzing skulls.

“DC, make some noise out there!” shouted Zac Barnett, lead singer of American Authors, before getting into “Trouble” during Monday night’s 9:30 Club show.

Let's wonder. What if the actual attendees at this concert had switched out in favor of the city’s nearby political folk? Mid-act. Me, replaced at the scene by our Secretary of State. My friend, swapped on the floor with a U.S. Senator. Would it have been the same old song and dance, so to speak?

[the-dc-blogitician]

An Electoral Joke

November 6, 2014

Q): What did the impatient voter say to his broken voting machine?

A): "Oh, poll-ease!"

How many "Yea" votes does that joke get? Either way, happy belated Election Day!

[the-dc-blogitician]

Metro Gets a Tracklift

November 1, 2014

I think it’s time to rework some of the slogans and announcements brought to you by Metro. Do my proposed ideas make more sense than the originals?

A slogan…

Original: Metro opens doors

Proposed: Metro opens doors. And closes them, too, so move your ass.

A posted sign…

Original: “Faregate out of service”

Proposed: “Faregate unfairly closed”

An initiative…

Original: Metro forward: a better ride for you

Proposed: Metro inert: catch a bus

Also, enjoy one of the system's notices below. No work of fiction here!