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the-community-mascara · 5 years ago

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Year 2 Part 3

~ (the line)"Damn fog."

"What did he say?"

"Damn... Fog?"

"Oh it sounded like you said Damn Fuck."

~ "please let me say fuck."

"No it says blast but this is America so we are saying screw-"

"But I've already said both my grandma doesn't have to know! She'd say 'that's what my boyfriend says in his rap songs'"

"What"

"Yup. They met at the prison when she worked there. He was in the phsyciatric ward for killing his parents, then they started dating and then she got fired and he got out and now he's a rapper."

"Oh god."

~ *crew member walks by in pink pajama pants with ice cream all over them*

"I want your pants."

~ "you just licked it! I don't know what's been in that mouth of yours!"

"Plenty, I'm sure."

"OH"

~ "oh I'm gonna look like Dr. Doofenshmertz!"

"No I said like my nose!"

~ "ow my chesticles hurt"

~ *across the auditorium* "HEY HALEY YOU WANT SOME HONEY MUSTARD?"

"No?!" *honey mustard is thrown, the guy who threw it's brother comes over* "it semi exploded"

"Ok Google, Caleb what the fuck?"

~ *a few minutes after the honey mustard thing, Caleb is cleaning it up* "don't you just love the smell of honey mustard on the floor?"

"Not particularly"

~ "ugh it feels like a shaved nut sack"

~ "guys if I just like fall over and pass out just leave me because I just took some medicine I've never had before."

~ *on stage someone forgets a line that interrupts someone else's*

"Oh gee I could go on forever about the window iF oNlY SoMeoNE wOuLD StOp mE"

"I get it I get ithang on"

*a few minutes later, roles reversed*

"Oh gee I could go on forever about the finger prints iF oNlY SoMeoNE wOuLD StOp mE"

"Don't use my words against me."

~ *someone forgets a line and everyone tells him* "I know I know hang on I was playing Animal Crossing!"

~ "I love your accent it sounds like you are holding a sausage on a fork."

"I like that I know what he means"

~ (the line is "she's fifteen years younger than you are") " She's fifteen youngers than you are."

*everyone loosing it*

"What?"

"she's how many youngers than she is?"

"OH"

*EVERYONE DYING OF LAUGHTER AND MAKING FUN OF YOUNGERS*

~ "are you watching the price is right?"

"... This is Rupaul's DragRace you uncultured Swine!"

~ "yall are saucier than an Italian restaurant."

~ "we love being mermaids"

~ *the show ends with a stabbing and we are trying to figure out a good song to end it with* "STAB HIM ONE MORE TIME"... *three seconds later* " STAB HIM AGAIN" "AND AGAIN" "ONCE MORE" "TWO MORE TIMES"

~ "You guys act like I know what I'm doing but I really don't."

~ *balance a script binder on her head, in full judge garb, walking in a line* "I'm a Cinderella. A pretty pretty princess"

~ "Frick frack train track what do I do?"

~ "You look like a librarian in a porn video."

~ *the director to an actor playing a girl the main guy is cheating with* "you're sexy, not thirteen!"

~ "oh there's hentai in here"

~ "oh I forgot to put on a bra this morning"

"It good man no one cares if you have your lines down. Titty out titty in no one cares."

~ "she's so sick she forgot her pants"

~ *last day of tech aka Crew Onsie Day*

~ *a girl is saying ppls names and asking how they are doing* "hey Will. How you doin?"

"I lost your sprite"

"WhAT?!"

~ *chairs fall during a scene during last day of tech*

"*gasp* it's an earthquake"

~ "What's that smell? Burning hair and popcorn!"

~ "You don't how wrong you've been doing it (((MAKEUP))) until she touches your boobs"

~ "So I was living my best Home Depot life-"

~ "chill your beans"

"No. Beans are best served hot!"

~ *actor fudges up a line really badly and improving is shit* *about a dead woman* "she's—well she was a bit racist"

"oH!"

~ "WOW GUYS I GOT BOOBS NOW!"

"Oh my god my lesbian just jumped out."

~ "you need Jesus. Like. Get a turkey baster and like squirt holy water all up in that cooch."

"Oh my god"

"Oh wow that would hurt!"

"Not if you get one small enough."

"Anything is a dildo if your brave enough."

~ *after talking about someone's boyfriend who threw a guy so high he hit the ceiling* "maybe if he joined the cheer squad we'd get higher than ninth place!"

"Ooh! That shade!"

"Love that tea!"

"Ooh who said that?"

"It was the ghost!"

"Did it go sunset in here because it just got SHADY!"

~ "you know, sometimes in life, spaghetti."

~ "you know. You look like milk."

~ "You may have heard of Vincent van Gogh but have you heard of his Dizzy aunt? Vertigo?"

~ "we found this place above the teachers' restrooms where we just sat."

"Oh hi we call this the cave of piss"

"I love Aladdin"

~ "I am a cultured human being I don't just eat Oreos I have a five pound bag of sour patch kids."

~ "give me that volume, mommy."

~ "TLC stands for Tiny Luigi Company."

~ "Don't turn green while I'm drinking or I'll cry... I was talking to a traffic light."

~ "yes it's a puddle it's raining and asphalt doesn't soak up water idiot."

~ "I want Mozzi Sticks."

"What the fuck did you just say?"

"MOZZI STICKS"

"WHO THE FUCK CALLS THEM NAZI STICKS??"

~ "you make fun of me for drinking chocolate sauce and you drink the cheese?"

"I drank my ranch too."

~ "guys who wants to do a prayer circle with me?" *in the circle* "who wants to say it?"

"I will!"

"Ok go!"

"Dear Daddy—"

"NOpE!"

~ "Michael I swear to God this is molestation. Please remove your elbow from my boob."

~ "GIRLS night. Uteruses no duderuses."

~ "you're Princes. You are stuck up without knowing how stuck up you are. Think of Prince Charming and Gaston, and fuze them."

"So we are Douche Bag Nice Guys™ got it!"

~ *crab walks off stage*

*monotone* "Get back here. We need to be couply. Those were her exact words."

~ "Did you know girls who wear Crocs have the best toes?"

"... I've never felt more uncomfortable."

~ "I've never been to Starbucks, but there is a truck stop that has really great coffee."

"That is the most Kentucky™ thing I've ever heard you, or anyone, say."

~ "a way to not be a douche bag is to not act like a douche bag."

~ "there is too much joy in this room right now."

~ "Hang on this joke has staging." *walks behind curtain before walking back on, without bending at the knees* "walks into your line of vision like this. Comes up to you. And say Karen took the kneecaps. And walk away."

~ "I thought you were about to eat my finger and I was scared."

~ *sneezes seven times in a row* "goddamn are you a cat?"

~ "hey do you wanna be the best man at my wedding? I'm getting married to cheese!"

".... Who the hell is cheese?"

~ "anything is a snack if you try hard enough."

~ "hey how did you die? Oh, you know, I was just eaten by my friend who is a cannibal."

~ "I'm pretty sure you just broke my boob."

~ "I hate to break it to you but I have a vagina."

"It's good man I go both ways."

~ "OH MY GO—I just about profained!"

~ "oh guys there's a swastika under this."

"Ooh love that."

~ "Despacito, my fellow sluts."

~ "you know the Princess and Beast? I'm the beast."

"You mean Beauty and the Beast?"

"Shut up."

~ *the lights get turned on when we were all previously in the dark* "oh Lord my optic nerves are crying."

~ "I'm gonna watch Criminal Minds tonight and probably go to a Mexican restaurant I'm excited."

~ *screaming in the hallway* "well someone is getting murdered."

~ *the line is "he must pay the price"* " He must pray the pice!"

Our director-"Oh yes I do that frequently."

~ *two guys are playing around backstage, guy 1 is threatening guy 2 with a tape dispenser and guy two is armed with 1/4 a 2 liter of diet coke*

1: "I won't hesitate!" *gets ready to hit 2 with the tape dispenser*

2: *hits himself hard in the face with the 2 liter*

1: ".... Oh never mind he's crazy" *he drops the dispenser and walks away*

~ "I've gotta POOP!"

~ *in a bad Scottish accent* "me pantaloons! They's fallin! And me petticoat ain't helping! What is this accent? I don't know! But it's coming out! Me pantaloons!"

~ "oh guys this is the Holocaust cabinet"

~ "I want the fucking undergarments."

~ *a girl* "I just want some fucking tightie-whities for my tiny hiney!"

~ "don't break my stick it's my neighbor's curtain rod"

~ "so we have Mamma Mia, Glease—"

"Did you just say Glease?"

"Closs enough, I'm selectively dyslexic."

~ "we need to work on spacing!"

"Fuck the spacing!"

Shit Theatre Kids Say!

Hello, here are some of the random shit I've seen/heard/said/done at rehearsal or backstage during shows. This is by no means all of them. Just some of them, about my first year of doing theatre's worth, which was two years ago.

~"You are predictably dickish"

~"Wait I thought sausage was from cows!!"

~"Singing? In a MUSICAL? Never"

~"Just for your information I have a very small penis"

~ A girl to our choreographer-"Where is your black shirt, sister?"

Our male and very gay choreographer-"Laying on my bed right next to your boyfriend"

~"Ow I just hit myself in the head with a noose!"

~"Gets on stage face totally brown but body looking whiter than Uncle Sam on a cracker"

"What?" *hysterical laughter*

"That's my thing now, like I am whiter than Uncle Sam on a cracker"

~(To the tune of What I've been looking for from high school musical) "This feeling's like no other. I really want sleep! I've never had somewhere I really want to be, LIKE MY BED!"

~"Who's Betsy Ross's husband?"

"Jesus"

~"if you're fat, what am i? A beluga whale?"

~"I can't even! I can only odd!"

"What the fuck"

~"It's a beautiful day you guys!"

"It's a beautiful day for a murder"

"True"

~"You're a chill dick?"

~"My favorite human is probably Mickey Mouse"

~"...Beating her husband?!"

"I thought she was a lesbian!"

~"I need some MILK"

~"You have all that business to mind and you're still in mine?!"

~ *at Larosa's for a cast party* *one guy puts a very tiny dinosaur in the parmesan cheese shaker*

~ "wow you guys its brighter than all of our futures in here!" (We had just gotten into school on a Saturday and every light was off)

~"Unlock the door before I use my epic Vagina muscles" (We were locked out of the dressing rooms on a Saturday show)

~ "I'm so hungry can (our director) get here soon?! It's half an hour past when we were supposed to be here! I'm so hungry - you know what, fuck it. I'm eating this dandelion." *she then eats the dandelion and not five minutes later our director pulls up* "THERE IS A GOD"

~ "I wanna fuck the moon"

~ "Keegan you are literally an abortion fail. Shut the fuck up."

~"Almost all the guys here are adorable, but like, no hetero"

~"Why did you get me started on babies? I fucking hate babies"

~"That curtain just wiped me clean bro! It went straight up my backside!"

~"Old people blood is different it's dusty"

~"That's not blood! It's a thong!"

~"Eggrolls"

~ one of our warmups is that one episode of Spongebob (First you do this... Spin around... STOP!) and the first show our senior who leads us in starts it and another senior just "I FUCKING HATE SPONGEBOB"

"GET OUT LYDIA NO ONE LOVES YOU" was everyone's response.

~ our cast is going through warmups and our last one is putting our hands in "what team? Wildcats!" And well this happened

"WHAT TEAM???"

"WILDCA-"

"guys the audience can hear you!!!"

*very hushed voices* "what team?"

"wildcats!"

~(one of the dresses in the dressing rooms looks like it belongs in the 17/1800's probs cuz it does but one girl put it one bc she didn't have one) *spins around* "Betsy Ross who?"

~ I had to get chased through multiple scenes and everytime I got off stage, heart racing, I'd lean over to the nearest person and whisper- "I do more running on this stage than I ever do in gym class"

~ one time when I was running off stage I ran straight into this one kid who was technically in eighth grade but still part of our cast bc we needed guys.

~ the guy who chased me always fucked around with different runs

~ "my blood is basically Wendy's"

~ between shows on Saturday me and a few friends went to Wendy's... Then a few more people showed up... Then it was an impromptu cast party. No one said a name for our orders so the lady just put "Drama"

~ literally everybody but our Larkin running lines for her songs. And Larkin wanted to murder them all.

~ "I'm sorry you guys, but the air con broke in the backstage hallway and the auditorium. So we have box fans. If you guys wanna risk it, go get the haunted fan from the band room."

~ while at Wendy's the ice machine started randomly pouring ice and we all just looked at each other. "Sorry guys, the ghost followed us." Was uttered to the workers

~ "literally the only reason I'm still alive is because I really wanna do a show about lesbians in the 1930's but I cant do it next year if I'm dead."

~ "what's up there anyway?" (Asked about the loft where students are forbidden to go)

"Oh that's the suicide ladder."

"Why??"

"Our director fell off of it a few years back and nearly died. We aren't allowed up there."

~ "I hate to say it you guys but we have to use the pillows from the sex couch"

"why do you guys call it the sex couch?"

"Long story short, it glows under a blacklight and that means either blood or semen and let's face it, this is high school."

- before everyone needs to start getting ready we have a lip sync battle through the sound system.

~ "you guys I just realized that our A.P. Gov. Final and Opening night are the same day. I'm gonna die."

~ "CAN I KEEP THE GOBLET OF FAILURE?!" (In reference to a goblet our lead threw on opening night that then shattered)

"If you want to"

~ the entire cast had to fall down during one of the dances at the end. This lead to many "paint me like one of your French girls" Scenes. So many, that the line got banned.

~ an in depth conversation during intermission about three porn videos one of the leads has seen. 1) instead of moaning normal things, the girl moans "oh my goodness" Super fast, he didn't finish it he was laughing so hard. 2) it's in an art studio, and the guy is tickling the girl with a paint brush, then shoves it in - not her vagina, but her urethra. He didn't finish that one. 3) the guy spit, directly into the girls asshole. He finished that one.

We were laughing so hard, that we nearly missed it when the overture started.

~ "it is so hot my sweat is sweating"

~ "are you dab fanning me?"

~ "WHO MOVED MY SHARP THINGY?"

~ "get me my letter!"

~ "bro"

~ *everyone mouthing the lines the people on stage are saying*

~ *over exaggerated lip syncing to songs happening in front of a curtain as we all wait behind the curtain*

~ "where is the person helping me strip him?"

~ "Kroger is just nicer people's Walmart"

~ *everyone getting ready and quoting vines*

~ "free sh- fre sha va cado"

"What?"

~ "who's stepping on my shoes?! Who- oh it's me."

~ "I have to get home! I have a wife and kids!"

"You're 12"

"SIMS"

~ *the boys dressing room prank calls random restaurants*

~ *I have my legs up while I'm sitting on the dressing room table* *my friend slaps my bare leg* "that's a nice slab of meat ma'am"

~ " Can someone explain why it's called Buffalo Wild Wings if Buffalo don't have wings?"

"It's Buffalo sauce on chicken wings, Cayenne."

"Oh!"

~ "OOH draw me as a furry!" (Said by a twelve year old)

~ "Maddi... Draw me a chicken!"

~ (there is a stool in the girls dressing room that is so falling apart the seat is all duct tape and it comes off, it looks horrid.) "Hey guys look! It's the butt stool"

~ "hey gals the fun has arrived!"

(Everyone at the same time): "the fun has been here"/"Where is she?"

~ "someone just dropped their foot! I mean their shoe!"

~ "you only have 3/4 leg to shave and 1 and 1/4 leg to not shave"

Feel free to add on with the weirdest shit you guys have heard theatre kids say!

#theatre memes #theatre production #theatre kid #theatre #high school theatre #highschool theatre #theatreblr #shit high schoolers say #shit theatre kids say #weird shit kids say #theatre class #community theatre #highschools theatre #theaterlife #theater kid #theatre kid shit #theatre problems #high school theatre problems

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the-community-mascara · 5 years ago

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When Jo comes on the stage during "That I Would Be Good" She (he/they it's implied that Jo is not female-aligned, or at the very least EXTREMELY BUTCH and I never know which pronouns to use) is wearing a bright pink sweater that the audience saw her mom try to talk her into wearing to church, or out. Don't remember.

In Mary Jane, the dad, who's name I can't remember at all rn, right before the song starts says: "do you remember when we were young and partying and we joked about going into rehab? *deep breath* *small jazz hands* you did it."

At the beginning it opens on MJ writing the Annual Christmas Newsletter to send out to everyone and says that Frankie is hanging out with Jo, and something about female friendship and shit and "upstairs" Frankie and Jo are making out.

At the very end of the show, before You Learn (literally right before) MJ is writing the next Annual Christmas Newsletter, and back hands everyone with "I'm a recovering opioid addict, blah blah blah, fuck you all." And everyone comes to the couch where she's writing it and then they sing a little bit and at "walking around naked in your living room" The kids flinch and then Frankie dares her to send it and she does, and says "Merry Christmas Motherfuckers" At one point during the newsletter she mentions that the dad is learning the guitar but "he only knows two Alanis Moresette Chords" And the theatre RIOTTED

The dad is a blatant porn addict, it is mentioned in the beginning and then right after Not The Doctor when MJ and him are still at the counselor and it went something like "blah blah blah porn and blah blah and redhead and MILF—" And then he cut her off and there was something before redhead but I can't remember lmao.

Right before or right after Hand In My Pocket a white girl comes up to Frankie and starts assaulting her hair and gets pissy when Frankie tells her it's disrespect. (I believe the girl asked if her hair was real).

Right before All I Really Want MJ berates Frankie for wearing shorts when her sweater is literally "on backwards and inside out" Hence the line in the show.

In Unprodigal Daughter Frankie runs off to New York and then calls Jo to come get her, which is when Jo sings You Outta Know.

In Forgiven, while MJ is at the church and you hear the ensemble call her a sinner, witch, and whore, she is standing back to back with Kathryn's character (I can not remember names for the life of me rn) and she is facing them when they say whore (they are in a semicircle around the two).

There is a line somewhere in the show between MJ and Frankie about something And MJ mentions making Blondies and Frankie says something like "of course, because with you even your brownies have to be white."

In You Learn, Phoenix sees Jo right as he sings "I" And his voice goes up as if it is cracking and he makes the funniest face. And then the "recommend putting your foot in your mouth at any time" Is a reference to the previously mentioned "we have biology and dissected an earthworm" Fiasco.

Facts about Jagged Little Pill

I just watched the show live the other day and so here is my contribution to the fans. Spoilers, obviously. Trigger warning for drugs and sexual abuse.

In Smiling, everything moves backwards. It starts with Mary Jane buying street drugs and an ensemble member brings out a trash bag, she picks it up and the set moves to the kitchen and she puts the bag in the trash can and pulls out a receipt, then grabs bags and goes to the store and everything moves backwards its so cool.

When MJ actually overdoses, the lights flash in and out and every time the lights come up its different and they move so fast and god it's like my favorite part of the show.

When Jo walks in on Phoenix and Frankie having sex Phoenix jumps up to sitting and says basically "hey I'm Phoenix he have biology we dissected an earthworm together!" And then when Steve and MJ walk in you see Frankie pulling on her shirt and there's some dialogue then Steve says "there was a boy here you had sex" (Jo told him) and Antonio Cipriano is running through the audience holding his clothes and desperately trying to pull up his pants while waving awkwardly to the stage and to the audience.

I got to stage door (my first time ever stage dooring a show) and I got to compliment every one who came out, including telling Antonio that he has pretty eyes and he said "aww thanks you no one's ever told me that before" And yea I just wanted to share that.

The orchestra deserves the world, and every award, being made part of the show, on stage, and generally amazing.

The ensemble seriously carries the show. Without the ensemble it would be totally different. There is so much dancing and set moving and it's all so well choreographed and I live for it.

In Uninvited MJ is alone on stage on the couch with an ensemble member, I think Heather Lang, wearing the same clothes and they have a beautiful routine of them fighting and it's so beautiful I wish I could describe it.

In the party scenes John Cardoza is shirtless with BeaSt written on his chest (the S is also backwards) and a bear mask.

During Hand In My Pocket when Jo says the line "one hand in my pocket and the other is holding a peace sign" Frankie says "a peace sign? What is this the 60s?" And Jo replies "what? We need it now more than ever."

Because the songs don't really tell the story as much on an album as they do seeing it on stage, during No there is a part were ensemble members are singing/talking one at a time about being assaulted, half the ensemble is stand-in arounding them holding protest signs and the other half is touching them and it's really a theatrical masterpiece.

Also in No, some of the signs included are:

Rape effects all genders

My silence is not a yes

Clothing doesn't matter

And I'm drawing a blank because it's a few days later but I loved all of the signs. It carries such a great message I wish it was conveyed better in the music.

As I remember more I will share.

#theatre #jagged little broadway #jagged little pill #jagged musical #theatre production #theatre class #community theatre #theatre kid #high school theatre #highschool theatre #highschools theatre #theatreblr #broadway #jagged little pill musical #jlp broadway

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the-community-mascara · 5 years ago

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I miss doing shows so much. We only have a video of one of our shows and I just watched it and I'm now sobbing I love that show so much and I wish we could do it again and get more out of it than two shows and a boat load of disappointment but there were nine of us and five were seniors so we can't bc it wouldn't be the same but DAMN I MISS MY SHOW

#theatre #theatre production #theatre class #community theatre #theatre kid #high school theatre #highschool theatre #highschools theatre #theatreblr

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the-community-mascara · 5 years ago

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Year 2 part 2!

~ "GIVE ME BACK MY REDBULL YOU LITTLE BITCH"

~ "who's your step mom?"

"How could you miss her?"

~ "Y'all know that feeling when you have a grandma that's actually just ants?"

"No Aaron what the fuck?"

~ "Did you cheat on me when I specifically asked you not to? "

~"me and your brother accidently matched on tinder "

~ "do you have anymore Disney Channel bops?"

~ *all girls banging out to Disney Music*

~ *takes pants off and change falls* "OH NO MAH CHANGE I forgot I went to McDonald's..."

~ "did someone piss in your dance tights?"

~ "I THINK I JUST STARTED MY PERIOD IN KATIE'S VICTORIA SECRET UNDERWEAR!!"

~ *a lead doing an entire fucking show in the "hewwo" Voice™*

~ "I love being covered in glitter in a none kinky way"

~ "ok Dave is gone now I'm emo"

~ "this tastes like detergent."

"That's a shirt."

~ "the Empire State Building. The forbidden butt plug."

~ "Teddy don't you dare put your hand in the broken plug socket"

~ "go get a janitor to open the dressing rooms also we can see your whole ass through those jeans."

~ "those aren't boobies those are my butt cheeks."

~ "y'all are weird. Sitting like normies."

"Did you just say 'y'all are weird?' You are sitting on the side of the wall and you are CALLING US WEIRD?? I'm joking you're fine."

~ "guys the community mascara is missing" (Yes this is the reason behind my name)

~ "Just because his mom is in my mom's Bible study, doesn't mean I'm gonna be PG. I'm gonna tell him he's being a dick bag ass face"

~ "ASMR Roleplay: Tinkerbell Does Your Makeup"

~ "I don't want my mom to buy me a dildo."

"My brother bought my dad a dildo as a gag gift. My dad was like... No thanks.. So my brother took it. It's name is Mr. Dil. You can often find Mr. Dil on the couch, watching t.v."

~ "do you think I could penguin slide down the stairs?"

~"20 years ago I died at the age of 13."

"You're 20?!?!"

~ "I know you are a good driver and everything but I could not comfortably get into a car you are driving and not have a panic attack."

~ "would you consider yourself potty trained?"

"Most days. You?"

"He would not consider me potty trained."

~ "listen here you rich fuck you probably have airpods"

"I have Android"

~ "I BOUGHT A WHOLE FUCKING GALLON OF MILK"

~ "if you wanna cry you gotta ask me first"

"She said fry but alright"

"Oh"

~ *a person is walking down the auditorium on the seats rather than the floor*

"Why are you like this? Why can't you do anything normally?"

"Damn she just roasted you."

Shit Theatre Kids Say!

~"You are predictably dickish"

~"Wait I thought sausage was from cows!!"

~"Singing? In a MUSICAL? Never"

~"Just for your information I have a very small penis"

~ A girl to our choreographer-"Where is your black shirt, sister?"

Our male and very gay choreographer-"Laying on my bed right next to your boyfriend"

~"Ow I just hit myself in the head with a noose!"

~"Gets on stage face totally brown but body looking whiter than Uncle Sam on a cracker"

"What?" *hysterical laughter*

"That's my thing now, like I am whiter than Uncle Sam on a cracker"

~(To the tune of What I've been looking for from high school musical) "This feeling's like no other. I really want sleep! I've never had somewhere I really want to be, LIKE MY BED!"

~"Who's Betsy Ross's husband?"

"Jesus"

~"if you're fat, what am i? A beluga whale?"

~"I can't even! I can only odd!"

"What the fuck"

~"It's a beautiful day you guys!"

"It's a beautiful day for a murder"

"True"

~"You're a chill dick?"

~"My favorite human is probably Mickey Mouse"

~"...Beating her husband?!"

"I thought she was a lesbian!"

~"I need some MILK"

~"You have all that business to mind and you're still in mine?!"

~ *at Larosa's for a cast party* *one guy puts a very tiny dinosaur in the parmesan cheese shaker*

~ "wow you guys its brighter than all of our futures in here!" (We had just gotten into school on a Saturday and every light was off)

~"Unlock the door before I use my epic Vagina muscles" (We were locked out of the dressing rooms on a Saturday show)

~ "I wanna fuck the moon"

~ "Keegan you are literally an abortion fail. Shut the fuck up."

~"Almost all the guys here are adorable, but like, no hetero"

~"Why did you get me started on babies? I fucking hate babies"

~"That curtain just wiped me clean bro! It went straight up my backside!"

~"Old people blood is different it's dusty"

~"That's not blood! It's a thong!"

~"Eggrolls"

"GET OUT LYDIA NO ONE LOVES YOU" was everyone's response.

~ our cast is going through warmups and our last one is putting our hands in "what team? Wildcats!" And well this happened

"WHAT TEAM???"

"WILDCA-"

"guys the audience can hear you!!!"

*very hushed voices* "what team?"

"wildcats!"

~(one of the dresses in the dressing rooms looks like it belongs in the 17/1800's probs cuz it does but one girl put it one bc she didn't have one) *spins around* "Betsy Ross who?"

~ one time when I was running off stage I ran straight into this one kid who was technically in eighth grade but still part of our cast bc we needed guys.

~ the guy who chased me always fucked around with different runs

~ "my blood is basically Wendy's"

~ literally everybody but our Larkin running lines for her songs. And Larkin wanted to murder them all.

~ "I'm sorry you guys, but the air con broke in the backstage hallway and the auditorium. So we have box fans. If you guys wanna risk it, go get the haunted fan from the band room."

~ while at Wendy's the ice machine started randomly pouring ice and we all just looked at each other. "Sorry guys, the ghost followed us." Was uttered to the workers

~ "literally the only reason I'm still alive is because I really wanna do a show about lesbians in the 1930's but I cant do it next year if I'm dead."

~ "what's up there anyway?" (Asked about the loft where students are forbidden to go)

"Oh that's the suicide ladder."

"Why??"

"Our director fell off of it a few years back and nearly died. We aren't allowed up there."

~ "I hate to say it you guys but we have to use the pillows from the sex couch"

"why do you guys call it the sex couch?"

"Long story short, it glows under a blacklight and that means either blood or semen and let's face it, this is high school."

- before everyone needs to start getting ready we have a lip sync battle through the sound system.

~ "you guys I just realized that our A.P. Gov. Final and Opening night are the same day. I'm gonna die."

~ "CAN I KEEP THE GOBLET OF FAILURE?!" (In reference to a goblet our lead threw on opening night that then shattered)

"If you want to"

~ the entire cast had to fall down during one of the dances at the end. This lead to many "paint me like one of your French girls" Scenes. So many, that the line got banned.

We were laughing so hard, that we nearly missed it when the overture started.

~ "it is so hot my sweat is sweating"

~ "are you dab fanning me?"

~ "WHO MOVED MY SHARP THINGY?"

~ "get me my letter!"

~ "bro"

~ *everyone mouthing the lines the people on stage are saying*

~ *over exaggerated lip syncing to songs happening in front of a curtain as we all wait behind the curtain*

~ "where is the person helping me strip him?"

~ "Kroger is just nicer people's Walmart"

~ *everyone getting ready and quoting vines*

~ "free sh- fre sha va cado"

"What?"

~ "who's stepping on my shoes?! Who- oh it's me."

~ "I have to get home! I have a wife and kids!"

"You're 12"

"SIMS"

~ *the boys dressing room prank calls random restaurants*

~ *I have my legs up while I'm sitting on the dressing room table* *my friend slaps my bare leg* "that's a nice slab of meat ma'am"

~ " Can someone explain why it's called Buffalo Wild Wings if Buffalo don't have wings?"

"It's Buffalo sauce on chicken wings, Cayenne."

"Oh!"

~ "OOH draw me as a furry!" (Said by a twelve year old)

~ "Maddi... Draw me a chicken!"

~ (there is a stool in the girls dressing room that is so falling apart the seat is all duct tape and it comes off, it looks horrid.) "Hey guys look! It's the butt stool"

~ "hey gals the fun has arrived!"

(Everyone at the same time): "the fun has been here"/"Where is she?"

~ "someone just dropped their foot! I mean their shoe!"

~ "you only have 3/4 leg to shave and 1 and 1/4 leg to not shave"

Feel free to add on with the weirdest shit you guys have heard theatre kids say!

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the-community-mascara · 5 years ago

Text

Year 2 of theatre part 1!!

~ "I would make very tender love to that man"

~ "soccer isn't a sport. Go kick them out and daannnccceee"

~ "you see the older you get the more wrinkly your balls get because pee is stored in them and the older you get the more you pee so it's like a deflated water balloon."

~ "so I turned my head and the wind blew my hair-"

"We are in a building"

~ "Freddie Kruger is finger fucking my insides"

~ "I just ripped my pants! Second pair in two years. It's the only thing I'm good at."

~ "he's just a kawaii angry face"

~ "why is she the definition of aesthetic?"

~ "Wisconsin. That's where the cheese is made"

~ "dang nabbit. I really want a bagel."

~ "have I ever told you about the time we almost burned down the florist?" (She meant forest but I heard florist)

~ (the line is "mermaids?! With tails?!" Then "oh such long tails") "Mermaids?! With Tails?!!"

"No. With crab claws."

~ "hey! No Nut November!"

"It's my birth month. I do what I want."

~ "who the fuck invited you? Get outta here before I super glue your dick shut so it stops bleeding."

"It already stopped."

~ "I follow Santa on Twitter."

"That is the most 2018 thing I've ever heard you say."

~"Excusith me but where for art thou shoulder covers?"

~ "the last person to have a mental breakdown wins."

"Then you uh, should be pretty scared. I'm pretty stable right now."

~ "where is my home?" *said in the most monotone voice possible*

~ "MCKENNA IS GONNA STARVE TO DEATH AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

~ "it's one big orgy in a kids show."

~ "I'm not gonna finger the ice cream"

~ "flowers. Dumbass"

~ "just gotta cut off my feet for the show"

~ "oh don't worry I'm probably bleeding out of my leg but it's fine"

~ *a very lengthy discussion on whether or not someone (many ppl) should eat Crayola finger paint*

~ "crayola finger paint is the best face paint in the world. Change my mind"

~ "apparently my Crocs are too ugly to wear as a mermaid"

~ "where is *person*??"

*random mic feedback in person's voice* "I just feel-i feel like my ass is tucked up!" *laughter*

"Was that *person??*" *person appears*

"Sorry guys-"

"Yea we know your ass was tucked up"

"What"

~ "I love your hook! You should shove it up my ass" *actually tries to shove it up ass* "whoa!"

~ *mic feedback from a characters costume due to a fall* "ooh I love this ASMR"

~ "y'all know when you are shaving your nipples and you accidentally cut one?"

~ *very badly sung country version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star*

~ "I'm just glad that the blood on my tights isn't noticeable in the stage lights"

"Wait you were actually bleeding?!"

~ "your hair is like a cranberry dark"

~ "it's like a concert in my ears"

~ "I forgot to get pregnant. That just screwed me up"

~"you look so cute. You look dead inside, but cute. "

~ "bandaids are terrifying"

~ "pour that Monster in your ear and let me drink it"

~ "you look like Christmas threw up on you"

~ "that's a nice Christmas dildo you got there"

~ "it's the dressing room. There is always at least one person naked all the time"

"It's usually me"

~ "hey I'm a mess."

“we know "

~ "why do you have hummus?"

"Why do you not have hummus?"

~ (about bad curtain call outfits) "I'm wearing bright ass yellow"

"You look like Winnie the Pooh"

"Ok that's it I'm taking off my pants"

~ "glitter is herpes"

~ "hey. Life Hack. If you don't wanna curl your hair again, just don't brush it out before you go to bed or take a shower."

~ "you look like the molester moon emoji"

~ "I'm gonna fart just so y'all know"

"K"

"No!"

"Well then get out"

~ "ooh Captain Hook? More like Daddy Hook"

~ "HEY WHORE LADY AND THE TRAMP THIS TORTILLA CHIP WITH ME"

~ "y'all just ever drink too much water and then jump and you can feel the water slosh around?"

~ "he's like my brother"

"Ooh I moved up. Used to be her son, now I'm her brother. Oh that sounded weird"

~ "I'm not God"

"Yes you are"

"Oh ok"

~ "Glitter in my hair. Glitter on the stage. Glitter on my face. Glitter all over the counter. Glitter on my backpack. Glitter gets around faster than tea man."

~ "who got highlighter all over the girls dressing room?"

"Will."

"Oh ok"

~ (in the dressing room after a show) girl 1 *to girl 2*:"um excuse me why do you have a hickey? Hey! Why do you have a hickey?"

Everyone: "What?!"

Girl 2: "what?" *looks in mirror* "where?!"

Girl 3:"It's lipstick!"

1:"Oh I know I just wanted to see your reaction you were like 'um I've gotta what now??'"

~ "hey guys not gonna be at school Monday going to my grandma's funeral"

"Ok-oh oh I'm sorry"

"Nah it's fine it's my great grandma and she was a douche"

~ "I heard slut my interest is peaked"

~ "get your hook out of my ass"

~ "if you don't like Falsettos you're lying"

~ *trust fall dominoes at intermission*

~ *on a Saturday we didn't have a matinee, just an evening show* "y'all I slept straight til 2 and I still feel like shit."

~ "where's my hanger who took my hanger if someone took my HANGER SOMEONE IS GONNA DIE!"

"Katie chill it's on your costume"

"Oh oh ok we cool."

~ brace yourselves this one is long

Ok so we were doing Peter and Wendy only our director updated it to hold more than 9 characters, adding mermaids and John and Micheal and Fawn and Silvermist, etc. Well we had prop wooden swords for John and Micheal to have a sword fight with like in the movie. Well. John's kept breaking. Here is a list of what happened each time it broke during the show.

*break* *silence*

Micheal: "come on John. Keep it together!" *John attempts to fight with a stump of a sword.*

John: "you can't use your sword! Mine's broken!"

Micheal: "alright" *tosses it down* *the pair fist fight*

John: *goes to say the scripted line 'I'll slash you to ribbons'* "I'll slash you to ribbons... With my hands!?!*

*break*

John: *groan*

Micheal: "Again, John? Really?"

*break*

Micheal: "John you may need to tone it down." (Then Mr. Darling comes in)

Mr.D: *looks at the broken sword* "for Christ's sake John stop breaking those swords"

*break*

M: "John come on I told you to not break the swords and what do you do? You break them!"

(Mr.D enters)

M: "Oh no father I wasn't talking to you, I was speaking to John. John's a pirate captain, as you can tell by the fact that he keeps breaking the swords!"

Mr. D: "Really John? Quit breaking those swords! I paid good money for them! Fifteen Shillings!"

~ "ASMR Roleplay: Sonic The Hedgehog Beats You Into Unconsciousness"

~ "we are playing Hangman!"

"Communism"

(Two minutes later)

"North Korea"

(One minute later)

"Kim Jung Un"

"Why are you so into North Korea who got to you?"

"Communism got to me"

~ "Kim Jung Un is my daddy"

~ *crew member sliding across our very beat up stage* "ow fuck splinter up my butt"

~ "I am a strawberry. See me spin!"

~ "y'all, Texas is homegrown Yee Haw. Kentucky is homegrown Hee Haw. Get it right"

~ "how did the date go?"

"He shook her hand for 5 minutes"

~ "you paid money to sit in a restaurant AND EAT FUCKING CHEESE AND CRACKERS!"

Shit Theatre Kids Say!

~"You are predictably dickish"

~"Wait I thought sausage was from cows!!"

~"Singing? In a MUSICAL? Never"

~"Just for your information I have a very small penis"

~ A girl to our choreographer-"Where is your black shirt, sister?"

Our male and very gay choreographer-"Laying on my bed right next to your boyfriend"

~"Ow I just hit myself in the head with a noose!"

~"Gets on stage face totally brown but body looking whiter than Uncle Sam on a cracker"

"What?" *hysterical laughter*

"That's my thing now, like I am whiter than Uncle Sam on a cracker"

~(To the tune of What I've been looking for from high school musical) "This feeling's like no other. I really want sleep! I've never had somewhere I really want to be, LIKE MY BED!"

~"Who's Betsy Ross's husband?"

"Jesus"

~"if you're fat, what am i? A beluga whale?"

~"I can't even! I can only odd!"

"What the fuck"

~"It's a beautiful day you guys!"

"It's a beautiful day for a murder"

"True"

~"You're a chill dick?"

~"My favorite human is probably Mickey Mouse"

~"...Beating her husband?!"

"I thought she was a lesbian!"

~"I need some MILK"

~"You have all that business to mind and you're still in mine?!"

~ *at Larosa's for a cast party* *one guy puts a very tiny dinosaur in the parmesan cheese shaker*

~ "wow you guys its brighter than all of our futures in here!" (We had just gotten into school on a Saturday and every light was off)

~"Unlock the door before I use my epic Vagina muscles" (We were locked out of the dressing rooms on a Saturday show)

~ "I wanna fuck the moon"

~ "Keegan you are literally an abortion fail. Shut the fuck up."

~"Almost all the guys here are adorable, but like, no hetero"

~"Why did you get me started on babies? I fucking hate babies"

~"That curtain just wiped me clean bro! It went straight up my backside!"

~"Old people blood is different it's dusty"

~"That's not blood! It's a thong!"

~"Eggrolls"

"GET OUT LYDIA NO ONE LOVES YOU" was everyone's response.

~ our cast is going through warmups and our last one is putting our hands in "what team? Wildcats!" And well this happened

"WHAT TEAM???"

"WILDCA-"

"guys the audience can hear you!!!"

*very hushed voices* "what team?"

"wildcats!"

~(one of the dresses in the dressing rooms looks like it belongs in the 17/1800's probs cuz it does but one girl put it one bc she didn't have one) *spins around* "Betsy Ross who?"

~ one time when I was running off stage I ran straight into this one kid who was technically in eighth grade but still part of our cast bc we needed guys.

~ the guy who chased me always fucked around with different runs

~ "my blood is basically Wendy's"

~ literally everybody but our Larkin running lines for her songs. And Larkin wanted to murder them all.

~ "I'm sorry you guys, but the air con broke in the backstage hallway and the auditorium. So we have box fans. If you guys wanna risk it, go get the haunted fan from the band room."

~ while at Wendy's the ice machine started randomly pouring ice and we all just looked at each other. "Sorry guys, the ghost followed us." Was uttered to the workers

~ "literally the only reason I'm still alive is because I really wanna do a show about lesbians in the 1930's but I cant do it next year if I'm dead."

~ "what's up there anyway?" (Asked about the loft where students are forbidden to go)

"Oh that's the suicide ladder."

"Why??"

"Our director fell off of it a few years back and nearly died. We aren't allowed up there."

~ "I hate to say it you guys but we have to use the pillows from the sex couch"

"why do you guys call it the sex couch?"

"Long story short, it glows under a blacklight and that means either blood or semen and let's face it, this is high school."

- before everyone needs to start getting ready we have a lip sync battle through the sound system.

~ "you guys I just realized that our A.P. Gov. Final and Opening night are the same day. I'm gonna die."

~ "CAN I KEEP THE GOBLET OF FAILURE?!" (In reference to a goblet our lead threw on opening night that then shattered)

"If you want to"

~ the entire cast had to fall down during one of the dances at the end. This lead to many "paint me like one of your French girls" Scenes. So many, that the line got banned.

We were laughing so hard, that we nearly missed it when the overture started.

~ "it is so hot my sweat is sweating"

~ "are you dab fanning me?"

~ "WHO MOVED MY SHARP THINGY?"

~ "get me my letter!"

~ "bro"

~ *everyone mouthing the lines the people on stage are saying*

~ *over exaggerated lip syncing to songs happening in front of a curtain as we all wait behind the curtain*

~ "where is the person helping me strip him?"

~ "Kroger is just nicer people's Walmart"

~ *everyone getting ready and quoting vines*

~ "free sh- fre sha va cado"

"What?"

~ "who's stepping on my shoes?! Who- oh it's me."

~ "I have to get home! I have a wife and kids!"

"You're 12"

"SIMS"

~ *the boys dressing room prank calls random restaurants*

~ *I have my legs up while I'm sitting on the dressing room table* *my friend slaps my bare leg* "that's a nice slab of meat ma'am"

~ " Can someone explain why it's called Buffalo Wild Wings if Buffalo don't have wings?"

"It's Buffalo sauce on chicken wings, Cayenne."

"Oh!"

~ "OOH draw me as a furry!" (Said by a twelve year old)

~ "Maddi... Draw me a chicken!"

~ (there is a stool in the girls dressing room that is so falling apart the seat is all duct tape and it comes off, it looks horrid.) "Hey guys look! It's the butt stool"

~ "hey gals the fun has arrived!"

(Everyone at the same time): "the fun has been here"/"Where is she?"

~ "someone just dropped their foot! I mean their shoe!"

~ "you only have 3/4 leg to shave and 1 and 1/4 leg to not shave"

Feel free to add on with the weirdest shit you guys have heard theatre kids say!

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