the-breadwizard

[the-breadwizard]

[the-breadwizard]

imagine if your boyfriend was like I can smell an ant. and started tracking

[the-breadwizard]

I swear to god one of these days were going to see a video of Amaury Guichon and he's going to be making some wings and they are going to look dope as hell, the detail of each feather will be breathtaking, he'll spray paint them to perfection, but as the video goes on, he's not building any sort of winged creature, just the wings. And then there's a human-sized harness (also made of chocolate, somehow, he can do it). And he's attaching the wings to the harness. And he's putting the harness on and he demonstrates how he can flap the wings. And then he'll be off. Out the window and up and up and up. And we'll be looking at the livestream (it's a livestream now) and we'll scream "No, Amaury, the sun! It's going to melt the wings!". But he knows this already. And he is free.

[the-breadwizard]

[the-breadwizard]

aye can i get uh………ingredients on my burger

[the-breadwizard]

when I'm some sort of crab or small fish

[the-breadwizard]

major traffic incident

[the-breadwizard]

People who give pets a bit of chocolate when they know it’s their pets last day are a bit of a funny concept. Imagine being old and friends with an alien who will live ten times your lifespan and they’re like “ah shit he’s dying, well since you’re dying anyway haven’t you always wanted to know what uranium tastes like?”

[the-breadwizard]

twist it

[the-breadwizard]

[the-breadwizard]

reblog to give the prev a hot chocolate with (optional) whipped cream and marshmallows

[the-breadwizard]

Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation

[the-breadwizard]

I love chain lightening what a classic spell. fuck you and you and you and you and you and

[the-breadwizard]

honestly if you’re reading a post about trans women where op clearly is including herself in “trans women” and you they/them op anyway without even trying to look for pronouns you’re lower than a dog. you’re lower than the worms that course the soil and they wait for you to join them six feet under, where your life will, finally, have contributed something to the greater whole

[the-breadwizard]

Redraw