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All y'all fuckers when you say you ain't gonna vote

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and with your help it can rack up 700k notes on tumblr in 2024

no tumblr this doesnt need tags im releasing it into the wild as god intended

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One of my favorite genres of insane Terminally Online Right Wing posting is *sees a pretty woman* "I am a gay pedophile"

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american chocolate with the puke chemical in it -- it's one of our cultural delicacies. every culture has some sort of insane pickled thing that they've spent centuries honing a uniquely vomitous way to ferment, the united states of america saw that and went hold my locally produced microbrew. I will create a food that tastes like candy to all my beautiful children but reminds anyone else of actual vomit. only we can eat it. it might not be entirely pleasant but we can do it. it is our shibboleth. this is the true test of american identity: can you eat the hershey's chocolate bar.

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every nov 5th forever and ever

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me when i remember

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Stop and smell the flowers

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getting emotional over footage of an amateur scuba diver interacting with a coelacanth. they are hunted by large deepwater predators, and here comes a large creature bearing the brightest lights it's ever seen, making strange noises, but it does not shy away. it hovers, calmly, as the diver reaches out and trails a hand down its back. im strongly against the anthropomorphizing of real life animals but the stupid emotional part of me loudly insists this is because it recognizes us, the alternating movements of its four paired limbs matching the diver's four paired limbs, & it is thinking, "hello, cousins, we missed you these 66 million years, it's so good to see you again. welcome back, welcome home."

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if you hired a galapagos finch as a linecook it would perfectly evolve a beak to optimally smoke cigarettes behind the dumpsters