the-7th-sky

[the-7th-sky]

Why does everybody have to be such a bitch, I just wanna have fun. I try to be happy for once in my entire life and make an action that will make me happy, people support it until it's realized and then they shit on you with no hesitation. I at least try not to make unnecessary negative coments and when I do im the fucking problem but it's fine when everybody makes them about me. I'm literally so fucking done with this bullshit. And if you think im whining fuck you, that's the whole fucking point.

[the-7th-sky]

Why does everyone around me act like they're 3 steps ahead of me, like they're maturung faster and more quickly than me, people older than me by a year and people younger than me by a literal month. Or if they don't act that way and literally are, then am I the problem? When I come to a conclusion or a emotional or spiritual one they have to act like they knew that, and then I feel like a 12 year old child around them figuring out that the planet revolves around the sun. Idk maybe I'm over-exaggerating and have a warped perception of the situation(s) but still, it hurts. Why can't i be better at something, and when i am why am I not acknowledged for it. Why does everyone insist on making me look like a dumb little baby. I know I can be more reserved in showing this more sensitive side of me to people, the realer side. Because people always show their best side and act like they have no flaws. But, the same people i show this side to are "pro-sensitivity" and "fuck the social rules and fakeness", and I know it's mandatory to show that side of youself and preach the other shit at the same time but when i show that part of myself and you act like a great, flawless human being leagues above then I feel stupid and betrayed. Idk, I'm just tired of people and society and everything. If socialising is a mandatory part of life that you have to do every day than i don't want any of it, if after waking up and 1-2 hour after you have to socialise than i don't want to wake up, just let me sleep forever in a never ending empty dream, like those nights where you fall asleep and the next thing you know you're awake and realise that you didn't dream that night. I kinda feel like that's what death is like, falling asleep forever, not dreaming, no consciousness, just pure sleep.

[the-7th-sky]

I've always had a hard time communicating with people, I don't pick up on social cues, and I kinda make everything in the open surrounding them. For example if we were to enter a discussion about something that I started and we continue to talk about it and maybe I'm furthering the conversation and the other person/people are trying to hint... well maybe not hint but make it so... or like seem... I lost my train of tought but what I was trying to say is that they, through social rules and cues, say that they don't what to continue the conversation about that topic I wouldn't... or more like couldn't pick up on it. Then I would probably stop myself regardles if they hinted or whatever and say out in the open; "if this conversation is troubling you we can stop". And I know by the invisible and imaginary rules of society that I'm not supposed to say that but... idk I just feel like it removes the hassle of figuring it out yourself and hurting or annoying the other person/people. Idk i guess if this is a normal part of society then just a badly made human or I guess a monkey. A bad monkey. I'm a bad monkey.

[the-7th-sky]

[the-7th-sky]

I've been seeing all these tiktoks and posts how people get intrusive toughts and how drastically they react to them (I know that they're probably exaggerating, maybe idk, or if they're not then I'm scarred for myself), like "killing a person" or somethig of that nature and of course you're not gonna kill a person but they make it seem like such a big thing and that's kinda weird to me bc I don't think twice when I get those kinds of thoughts, idk I just kinda internilize them and idk if thats bad or really bad, to make that, what I learned is not the "most normal", a part of my character or self or whatever and just accepting it. But idk, I... in a way... like those thoughts, I think that they make me feel like a human like it's a part of nature. But now i feel kinda bad and weird for not letting those thoughts bother me. Am I even sane? How can I even know that, insane people in some cases don't know they're normal. Or are they deemed not normal by society by expressing their toughts without a filterm, kinda like I'm doing right now. Then are all people insane in their minds or are there people whose thoughts align whith whats expected of them by society so they have no fear expressing them. I don't think those kind of people exist amd that we're all a little bit insane, then whats the point of the lable of insanity (or a ting or emotion that im trying to express that i lack the vocabulary to express) if it's "normal". Is it a soicial construct? Is it a line that keeps people inside their boxes so that chaos wouldn't insue, peole like to place themselves in a box to keep order and balance. Are they afraid, is it a natural thing, why would you like to keep yourself bound, well I guess I'm doing it also but is there true freedom in chaos, a true and "desired" form of being? Are humans even capable of that? Undbinging their chains to achive truth? Is that what they would even like? Are they... I mean we... (well I) scared? I got really derailed and this got philosophical really quickly. Well anyway, for now im insane to me.

[the-7th-sky]

Hey! Idk how long I'm gonna keep this up but, I've just reinstalled tumblr bc i wanted to post my (usually) late night toughts on here as... idk some kind of teraphy or something. I wanted to do this on tiktok and I feel like this type of stuff fits better there but i already have this account that I don't use, and I didn’t want to go trough the hassle to create another tiktok account where my irl friends don't follow me so... I guess it's just lazyness on my part. So yea...

(if anyone actually reads this, I'm sorry for my grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language)

Idk if this is gonna last, for all i know... this could be my only post. I have a tendency not to "complete" stuff, for a lack of a better word.