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Valentine’s Day ‘19

Real talk: Derek is the most incredible human being — he’s sweet, he’s funny, he’s kind... But I didn’t always feel that way. For those of you who don’t know, Derek and I have known each other since elementary school, but we didn’t officially meet until high school... I say this a lot and I’ll still freely admit it: if you told me 10 years ago that I’d be dating Derek Manansala, I would’ve laughed in your face. 

He was 14 and childish as hell, and I was 15 and above it all. I thought he was infuriatingly immature and he thought I was an unapproachable snob (though we admitted these things much later). At one point, there must’ve been at LEAST three girls who were crushing hard on him, but whatever they saw, I completely missed (don’t @ me, Shani. I didn’t like him). Even still, he was a part of our friend group and we were cordial. Out of everyone, we were the least close and we both liked it that way. 

Our story is weird, almost farcical. I’ll give you an example: since Derek was a part of my friend group, he has met every single one of my exes. Every. Single. One. I’m not too proud of that, but I also find it hilarious. I hope he does too. In college, we still weren’t friends, but we tolerated each other a lot more. We went to school in different states, but we vowed we’d try to get to know each better and be friends, should we both rise to the occasion (we never did). 

So how did we start dating? A part of me is still unsure. All I know is that in 2016/2017 I was going through a huge transition. I ended a major relationship, was living between San Jose and LA and traveling way more than I should’ve. If I’m being honest, which I have no trouble with apparently, I had no idea what the hell I was doing. At one point, I called every single one of my friends and no one picked up the phone. Finally, I called Derek. I still have no idea why, but he answered. And thus, our friendship began. 

For those of you thinking it was love at first phone call — NAH. Don’t get me wrong, he was a lot more mature than I remembered, but he was DEREK. The Derek I knew since I was 15. A decade later, I still didn’t entertain the idea of dating him. But I did want to get to know him more. Now he was into improv and writing (we bonded over the latter). We bonded over a lot actually: movies, writing, solo travel... But the thing that really bonded us: we both were absolutely jaded when it came to love. So if you’re still reading, hang on just a little while longer. 

If you thought it was weird before, shit gets even weirder. Derek and I became... friends. Like, best friends. We vented to each other about work, lamented about writing, and of course we talked about dating. So much dating. We’d literally talk to each other about our tinder escapades. Like, “Oh, how’s that Berkeley guy?” And “So, did you friend that ballet dancer?” Don’t get me wrong, we were still swearing off love, but we took pride in the fact that we were BOTH above it. We didn’t want to find the love of our lives right now (ew, gross). We just wanted to live our lives without answering to anyone, and yet we did answer — every single text message we sent, every single phone call we made — before we even knew we were answering. 

There are a few noteworthy things I want to include that speak to Derek’s character: like the first time he called me to vent about an improv class he was taking. Whenever Derek called before, he’d normally be drunk trying to get on the L train. Or the bus that was running instead of the L train. I’m really making him sound great, huh? But when he called and told me about his class, I could hear how genuinely upset he was. He was actually being vulnerable. And I let go of whatever misconceptions I was still holding onto about him. This was my person (my friend-person) and I cherished him. 

Okay, one more anecdote that shows what a stand up guy he is. Derek was out with a bunch of our old friends after his improv show in NY (I was in California, far, far away). I won’t go into detail, but one of our old friends said/did something hurtful towards me, and Derek stuck the fuck up for me. If you know me, I grew up in New Jersey. Which means you kinda develop a thick skin about everything. Your friends elbow you in the ribs when you’re down before offering to help you up. It’s just a thing. And yet here was the person I thought the least of growing up fighting FOR ME. I knew at that moment I wanted Derek in my life for a long time. BUT I STILL DIDN’T WANNA DATE HIM THOUGH (but maybe, somewhere deep down, I did). 

This post is getting far too long, so I’ll wrap it up. A few months after that fateful night, I visited NY for the first time in 2 years. When we saw each other again, it would suffice to say, the rest is history. I love you, Derek, Happy Valentine’s Day! Thank you for being my forever-person. And sorry you have to put up with these ridiculously long posts. Though I think, deep down, you might like them too. 

tl;dr love is real and you find it in the most unexpected places (and people)