thatonechoaticdumbass

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

I wanna talk about the scene with Hannibal and Bedelia after Hannibal’s sees Will say he forgives him. Cause I have a lot of thoughts and most of them are *incoherent screeching*

So a while back I made a post talking about the scene where Will said it wasn’t “good” to see Hannibal. And how I think he said it because good is a word that just doesn’t do the emotions he felt justice. Because their relationship is far more complicated than good and bad.

And I just realised it parallels this scene:

“It was nice among other things”

They both understand that what they feel is much more complicated and conflicting than good or nice.

But the difference is Will is still wearing his person suit. He is still repressing what he is and along with/because of that he is denying his feelings for Hannibal. So he completely denies the word good. Because he doesn’t allow himself to associate anything positive with Hannibal. He knows good isn’t the right word so he doesn’t want to give it any space at all instead of acknowledging that good is just a part of what he’s feeling.

But Hannibal fully accepts every part of himself, including his love for Will. So even though he also understands the complexity of their relationship and he understands that nice just doesn’t cut it he doesn’t outright refuse the word. Because nice is still part of the bigger picture, nice is a part of the beautiful and complex emotions Hannibal felt when he saw Will. Hannibal is okay with letting himself associate positive feelings with Will, he is okay with letting positive feelings coexist with the negative.

I also think that this is also the scene where Hannibal finally understand that they are well and truly doomed to each other.

Hannibal understood that even after a separation Will still understood him enough to know where to look. And Hannibal understood that he wanted Will to look and find him.

And it’s also the point that I think he understands that he can never forgive Will and Will can never forgive him. Not really. They have inflicted too much pain upon each other.

Hannibal realises that forgiveness, both his forgiveness of Will and Will forgiving him, doesn’t matter to him. Forgiveness is meaningless to him. What he and Will did to each other is unforgivable but what they feel for each other is beyond forgiveness, is above whatever they have done to each other. But Hannibal doesn’t know how to process that. He doesn’t know how to process his unconditional love, his willingness to close his eyes to their past, to overlook everything they both did and so he tries to take back that control in the only way he knows how. He reverts back to what usually makes him feel powerful, to what makes him feel in control - cannibalism. That’s why he decides to eat Will.

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

Sometimes I watch the show and try to think of Hannibal’s perspective and it’s a total trip. Like. Imagine you’ve been able to control and pick and choose your emotions and reactions your whole life, due to being somehow psychopath-adjacent. And the only time you couldn’t was when you were little with your baby sister, and it’s probable that as your brain matured, the possibility of feeling and forming connections like that dried up entirely. You read the psychiatric journals, and occasionally there’s something about a man who can connect with others so deeply he can become an echo of them. And then you meet this man, and he mocks your comment about eye contact while holding yours.

An understanding passes between both of you that you have hidden depths. Instead of killing him, you bring him breakfast, and make him dinner, and serve him drinks. Instead of being able to toy with his mind without a care, you think of him and your chest clenches, and your gut swoops, and his face and voice and his rude little barbs invade your mind like glittering parasites that you can’t remove. These feelings are alien, and they’re also yours. You know, deep down, why you’re letting him live, why you stare after him, why you toe the line of risking it all for him. But you don’t want to face it. It’s terrifying, this horizon of who you are and can be that looms before you with no choice of your own.

Framing him presents a convenient opportunity for ridding yourself of this thing he brings on in you, this total lack of control, this fever-dream surrender that breaches the walls of your mind and the tics and tells of your body so effortlessly— but you miss him. You don’t miss anyone, and the one person you do is more of an imago that never was able to grow into her own real person. But the you you’ve helplessly become certainly does. You’ve become an addict. You cannot let him rot when his presence gave your monochrome world color, you can’t quit the drug you’ve always shunned. This is all a devil’s bargain, certainly, but you’ve already damned yourself, and all that’s left to do is plunge further. Oh and by the way. The infuriating man in question looks like this:

Like okay then, good luck not having the crashout of the century 😭

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

I will have to assume one of the funniest things in the world for Will is watching Hannibal judging cooking shows. Like come here visualize this with me- they are just chilling on the sofa, Will's head is on Hannibal's lap and Hannibal keeps making comments like "the pasta is overcooked and the garlic is undercooked, what are we even paying the cable tv for?" or "he just killed the beef for a second time, that dish is just a funeral itself" or "alright, good start, no, what are you doing, don't- why would he add that? It's over, it can't be saved." And Will is just having the time of his life

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

Y'all!!! What if after Jessica got burned on the ceiling she became a ghost somehow and got to go on hunts with the brothers or something.

This idea has probably been said before but i just think it'd be really interesting and Jessica deserved more than what the show gave her.

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

sam winchester with noise cancelling headphones going through lore

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

Aaaahhhhh I’m so emotional rn, I’m reading the official Merlin book and FUCKING FUCK FUCKERY, IT’S SOOOOOOOO GAY. I ALMOST CRIED!!!!!!!!!!!! Arthur keeps looking for Merlin in the crowd when he’s fighting in the tournament and THEN HE WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW MERLIN WAS THE ONLY FACE HE WANTED TO SEE. NOT HIS FATHER’S, OR MORGANAS, OR GWEN’S!!!! And then when he finally found Merlin, THE BOOK SED THAT THEY STARED AT EACH OTHER. STAREEEEEED. until Merlin finally broke it by grinning really widely. Fuuuuuuuckkkk. AND THIS IS THE SECOND. EPISODE. SECOND!!!!!!!! U can’t tell me that on the last one they aren’t gayer than gay pornOH MY FUUUCKING

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

SPN time travel au lets go

Supernatural time travel au where the world ends.

Chuck wrote a failsafe into the universe when he realized that Sam and Dean were getting too competent for their won good, so when Jack kills Chuck, the failsafe triggers and whipes everything out.

The only ones left standing are Jack, whom is the new god and therefore a little more powerfull then the rest, and Sam, because of a spell Rowena put on him. Before they both die, Jack tells Sam that they can still safe everyone by going back in time. If Sam can rally hell behind him, and Jack rally's heavens angels, they can together kill chuck. If Jack can transport them to before Chuck made the failsafe, they can make this right.

And thus, Sam dies, and then wakes up roughly 19 years in the past, on the day he's supposed to leave for collage. And he does. He recons that he only has a few weeks at most to rally all of hell behind him and he cannot do that with a 22 year old Dean hanging on his shoulder, trying to protect him. (not to mentions his shitty father whom is also there and holy shit Sam hasn't thought about him for a while, but his day just got from bad to worse)

Anyhow, he wakes up in cold sweat, trows up into the toilet, and tries his very hardest not to get weepy when he sees is 22 brother for the first time again. He's so young. He's practically a baby. His eyes are full of light and he hasn't seen hell yet. Hell, he doesn't even know hell exists yet. He's still innocent and the worst thing he's ever faced is Azazel. Sam would do anything to keep him that way.

So, he leaves. he tells dad about collage, they fight. Sam has to surpress his urge to punch is father out because holy shit the man is being childish, but he manages to get away after his father punches his instead. Dean comes between them and Sam almost laughs. He had forgotten that his father punches like a bitch. He's been tortured by the devil, he died like, 8 times. that was nothing.

he doesn't go to Stanford. Or well, he does, but only to see Jess. She doesn't see him, of course. Azazel told him she was doomed to die the second she laid eyes on him, and he will not let that slide. She's so young, so innocent. Still a child by all accounts. Sam almost feels like a creep. He was almost 40 by now, even though he doesn't look it. He still loves her, he always will, but he can't love her like he used to anymore.

He leaves campus without ever checking in. He was never there to begin with.

After finding and more or less recruiting the rest of the special children, It's surprisingly easy to take over hell.

Hell is a mess.

Crowly is sort of in charge, but not really, Hell has become a lawless land in Chucks relative absence. And well, by manipulating Azazel, and killing a few demons that are not with the program, he quickly establishes himself as king, with the rest of the special children as his generals. At once, they march onto heaven. He gives strict orders to only go for Chuck. Leave the angels be, Only kill god.

And they do. With the angels, demons, Jack and Sam working together, Chuck dies, and Jack takes over.

Sam himself starts revamping hell for it previous purpose: punishing the wicked. Not only that, but punishing them with severity to their crime. Sure, theft is a sin, but you shouldn't get tortured for forever just because you took a TV that wasn't yours, you feel me?

At this point, Azazel realizes that his was a bad idea, Sam is now ultimate ruler of hell and nothing is going as planned. First and formost, he has absoulutely refused to even go near the idea of becoming the vessel for lucifer, and secondly, he's powerfull enough to actually be king of hell without him. there have been several uprisings, but sam has squashed them all down with little effort.

it's starting to become concerning.

before he can do anything about it tho, sam straight up murders him. No drama, no fanciness, Sam just striaght up stabs him in the back "That's for ruining my life you sicko" and he's dead. He doesn't deserve better.

The demons that disagree with sam start to flee at that point. trying to usurp him isn't working, but if they regroup in the mortal world, sam would be too busy ruling hell to come after them.

But no, Sam makes a deal with Crowley, Crowley becomes his official regent and rules with Sam's rules in Sam's absence, and in exchange, Sam gets Crowley's soul, just to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid like take the power for himself or something.

So now that hell is fixed (he did that in like, roughly one earth year, so 12 hell years) he can go above ground, to kill the demons that are escaping to earth and thus terrorizing human mortals.

he quickly makes a name for himself in the hunter ranks. None of them understand how this 19 year old kid is able to kill this many demons in this little time, yet every time someone has a demon problem, it's Sam who shows up, and straight up kills them, which is notoriously difficult.

Some even claim that the demons seem to fear the youngest Winchester. One or two are spreading stories that a demon called Sam 'your majesty' but nobody believes that. And that's without speaking about the other people that seem to occasionally hover around, clearly his friends, but they seem to listen to him, like he is their leader.

All in all, the hunters aren't sure what to make of him.

And then the bunkers start showing up. Safehouses all accross the country, where hunters can relax, restock and heal from injuries. It's crazy. Nobody knows where the bunkers come from, but they seem old.

Meanwhile, John and Dean have no idea what is going on. John is being his antisocial self and none of the hunters have any rush to tell the volatile man that they all think his youngest son (his pride and joy that left them) has gone completely sideways and is now terrifying. They are straight up minding their business and just avoiding them like usual.

Bobby knows. Sam explained it to him, well part of it anyway. About hell, and god and the devil. Bobby didn't take his word for it at first, but when Sam showed him hell, it all became a lot more believable. He begs Bobby not to tell his brother and father. That this is his fight and he doesn't want his brother in this mess. Bobby promises.

I will write a part two with a reunion at some point, if you want me to tag you in it, reply to it!

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

okay yeah but WHAT IF supernatural just gave into the “boy king sam winchester” arc and he ruled hell?

WHAT IF sam started drinking demon blood again during his soulless arc?? hmmm?

complex characters and storylines?? heartache and betrayal???? DESTIEL??????? nahhhh, they instead decided to change it up every season for the last half of the show and then kill god

and god. sams hallucinations of lucifer is the cherry on top of what they DID do and they still let it fizzle out and left me hanging

i was robbed

GOD FUCK. AND SIBLING RIVALS?? THE POTENTIAL,,,IM FUCKING GRIEVING

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

Sam Winchester was the outcast brother who left family because they couldn't accept the way he wanted to live his life. He summoned a male crossroads demon (you know, those who take the body of someone the summoner would desire) TWICE. He flirted with bartenders. He shipped himself with Castiel and created a pairing name for themselves. He never denied it or got angry when Dean called him gay for showing his emotions. He used gender neutral pronouns to refer to the people he dated. He knew gay slang. Don't worry mr winchester. I saw ur queer coding

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

i wish they kept sams psychic powers/visions, ESPECIALLY in s4!!! i want sam to have a vision of a hand rising from a grave WELL before dean rises and for him to run to deans burial site in pontiac, only for deans grave to remain untouched as it was before. i want sam to have visions of killing lilith, which is why he’s so sure that it’s him who has to do it and that dean can’t. i want sam to have visions of lucifer rising taken out of context, this all encompassing light, and i want sam to have hope. to believe that is a sign of the good, the holy.

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

This is my design..

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

I think its really evident how the show neglects Sam as a character in the way that we get so many tidbits about dean, the mommy blogger thing, ronda hurley, Taylor swift, etc etc that flesh out dean in a way beyond his assumed character. It doesn't feel like it hits the same way for Sam, or that the show really tries to do that for Sam. Especially in "side story" episodes not related to the main plot, like s14 e15, it's so rare to have a sam standalone episode with another character without dean.

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

Hannibal rewatch s1 e8 fromage..... this episode is That girl

I wish I could have better more articulated thoughts, but the only thing that matters to me is this is THE hannigram episode, at least for Hannibal. the moment where he sees Will again for the first time after thinking that he died is so precious to me, the way his eyes shine and he's genuinely choked up over it... life changing.

Hannibal is used to playing with lives, but for the entire episode you see him struggling with his desire to have companionship versus the solitude that is necessary to maintain his life style. but the second he's given an opportunity that isn't Will, it clicks that he wants more than just a fellow murder, but a true partner - something he really only desires out of Will. The idea that his test for Will, the prey he gift wrapped for him, might have killed Will instead is clearly upsetting to him. This episode is when he realizes how much Will means to him, and it's clearly a surprise to him!!

I also think this episode is what makes Hannibal frame Will. He was already planting evidence, and he was definitely already in his "wind him up and watch him go" phase with Will and his encephalitis, but what were vague plans for the future become Current Needs, as a way to reassert control over his life and emotions - something he feels Wills presence in his life takes from him.

it's even very hannigram centric for Will. he may kiss Alana as a "clutch for balance" but its Hannibal he leans on, both with his kissing Alana and with Wills hallucinations. Will is clearly also desperate for companionship! he's making overtures all episode to both Hannibal and Alana. But in the end Alana can't see Will as anything but damaged - not a partner but a patient. In Wills mind, even when being vulnerable with Hannibal, Hannibal treats him like an equal.

basically these bitches so fucking gay, this episode is so gay

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

“Is it bad that I used to watch over you while you slept?” Cas asks. He nestles up closer to Dean in bed, wrapping his arm around him.

“Mmm? Nah, I mean I know I always said it was creepy,” Dean mumbles. “Probably, it was. But I kinda got a kick out of having my own guardian angel. Even back in the beginning.”

“I don’t mean when you could see me.” Cas frowns, giving Dean his best mournful gaze, asking apology. “I mean, when you didn’t know I was there.”

“Oh…?”

“Uh…not always,” Cas says. “But when things were going very badly, I’d stand centurion and wrap my wings around you for protection. Especially if you were sleeping in the car. You didn’t know I was there.”

“You wrapped your wings around me?” Dean whispers. He traces a finger up and down Cas’s arm, hardly aware he’s doing it. “While I was sleepin’ in Baby?”

“I don’t know if it made any difference.” Cas kisses his shoulder. “I was always so worried about you, I didn’t know what to do with myself.”

“Do wings…?” Dean chuckled shyly, resting his hand on Cas’s arm, his thumb grazing back and forth. “Can they protect…like...your mind?”

“They can offer a degree of psychic protection,” Cas said. “Not commonly. But…with the bond we’ve shared…”

“I just wonder… I didn’t get all the nightmares about hell I thought I would,” Dean says. “Sometimes, I did. And then a lot of times, my sleep was so peaceful. Like when you came into my dream and I was fishin’ on the lake.”

“That was me,” Cas murmurs. “I was always afraid to tell you. It seemed invasive. But I didn’t think you’d accept the help.”

“Probably not.” Dean takes his hand, and kisses his palm. “Thanks.”

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

I love the idea of Sam and Castiel sitting in silence together but I feel what often goes overlooked in the autism4autism discussion is that Sam is a rambler while Cas is more quiet. Doesn't talk as much unless he feels there's something important to say. So there would be bouts of comfortable silence between them but there'd also be moments where Sam rants about some very specific topic and Cas listens in endearment and absorbs all of the information that Sam is dumping

[thatonechoaticdumbass]

Fuck Becky, disrespectfully