thatcurlyqueen17-blog

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Setting Boundaries & Choosing You 4/23/2020

I wanted to read some passages from Alicia Keys’ book, “More Myself” and kind of build with you on them and what I’ve taken from them. And also it feels like we’re at a place with passages where we’re going through our own set of passages and where that’s leading us and taking us. I really like this one and it’s from Chapter 9. It was right after she came from Egypt and she took a really long break and she went somewhere significant and it really taught her a lot and changed a lot in her. And the fact that she did it alone was a big deal. So here’s what it says: “Most of us take about 16 breaths per minute. That means we typically breath 962 times an hour or around 23,000 times a day. During my two glorious weeks of silence, I had more than 322,000 opportunities to breath my way into a new existence. One exhale at a time, I let go of the urge to twist myself into a pretzel; trying to live up to others’ expectations. I let go of the belief that if I stepped away, nothing would be there when I returned. And in place of that notion, I inhaled liberation. I inhaled the boundless brillance and the boundlessness that once guided the Egyptians, encrafting monuments of greatness. That’s what 14 days of solitude can bring; space to breathe, time to reflect, a chance to reimagine what your life can look like. When freedom tapped me on my shoulder, I answered loud and strong. Back in New York, my team immediately noticed a shift in me. ‘I need two weeks off to myself before and after every tour,’ I announced. And when ahead of a press day in Japan, my manager showed me the proposed schedule, itwas crammed with wall-to-wall interviews, I pushed back. ‘I need a 15 minute break every hour to keep from turning into a robot,’ I said. I began using the single most powerful word a pleaser can ever speak, ‘No’. It took practice. When pleasing has become your M.O., it’s tough to consistently begin holding your boundaries. But it gets easier the more you do it. You start to realize that the Earth doesn’t fall off it’s axis because you turned down a speaking engagement or even a movie role. The world keeps right on spinning and the gift you give yourself, is more energy to do the work you actually want to be doing. Saying no doesn’t make you less of an artist or a human being, it makes you a stronger and more purposeful one.” I really liked this and I wanted to recall this especially during this time when so many of us have this moment to take, to think, to reflect, to decide what is it that we want to start implementing in our lives? What have we been missing? What boundaries do we need to put in place? What changes do we need to make? How do we find the bravery to actually continue doing it and to continue honoring ourselves? For me, that still remains really hard. Even right now, being home with my mother, sister, brother, and pet, doing work, making sure my hygiene is in check, and feeding myself, and all this other stuff going on. And it’s just like when will I have time to read? When will I find time to dance? When will I find time to sing? When will I find time to sleep? So just continuing, I’m even thinking now and thinking how do I want to keep showing up for myself and creating boundaries that I need, so that I can become a stronger human being, a better sister, a better daughter, a better student, a better Ayanna. So I just want to leave you with that and have you think a little bit about what might you want to do and what boundaries you might need to set and don’t feel about setting them and about sticking to them; creating a time for you and telling everybody, “This is what I need to be happy and healthy and to be mhyself.” So good luck, because I know sometimes it’s tricky to put that in and to find the strength to keep it in, but I wanted to remind us both that we can do it.

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4/21/2020

I’m “talking” to someone new right now, but I feel as if I’m getting annoyed with him right now. He can come off a bit clingy and my lifestyle right now is not up to par with someone who needs attention anytime they aren’t working. I have too much work from my classes to have someone like that in my life on a daily basis. This is specifically why I decided to busy myself with hobbies and new activities and routines that I haven’t done before because if I hadn’t then I would’ve been bored like most people are my age during this quarantine and would feel the need to rely on someone else to entertain me and keep me company.

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Day idk even know anymore

I think I’m going to just stop counting how many days I’ve been quarantined because what’s the point really. Anyway, I found this news article titled, “Why teens may never be the same after the pandemic” by Scottie Andrew from CNN. In the article, Andrew talked about all the things the seniors of 2020 won’t be able to do because of this pandemic like walking down an aisle to receive their diplomas, prom, the amount of work online, etc. He states in the article, “...as everyone settles into new routines inside, at home, teens are feeling angry, anxious and reticent. Their identities are fracturing in isolation, and the people who love them, teach them and study them fear they’ll wear the effects of the pandemic for years to come.” This articles was really interesting to read, but for me personally, it was just even more evidence for what I already knew; that this pandemic is putting a toil on everyone affected by it, but especially the youth because we feel as though (for those of us that are seniors and juniors) our last couple of years or months of being a kid are being ripped away from us and we have no say in the matter. Here’s a link for the article if you’re interested: https://www.cnn.com/2020/04/16/us/teens-coronavirus-coping-wellness-trnd/index.html 

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My Coronacation Day 27

Yesterday was my birthday and I celebrated with my mother, sister and brother. My grandmother came over for a little while, but she didn’t stay for long out of fear of somehow getting sick or getting herself sick. She doesn’t have the coronavirus, but because we don’t know specifics of how people are getting it or where it even came from, everyone is taking serious precautions. We made a lot of food and I got my father to make some food for us as well, so that we wouldn’t have to be making so much food because we didn’t really have that kind of time. We had rotelle and chips, honey gold wings, pizza, Hawaiian rolls, strawberry cupcakes, and fruit with fruit dip. I was so full afterwards that I immediately went to sleep.

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My Coronacation Day 25

My birthday is tomorrow and even though we’re in quarantine, I’m still excited to celebrate it. My mother, my sister and I are all going to be making food and desserts. On the day of, we’re going to watch the first Iron Man since neither nor my sister have watched it before. Wish me luck!

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My Coronaction Day 24

I just did research on this interestind mental disorders. I’ve always loved pschology, even when I was much younger. These particular disorders that I looked up are actually what I’ve been looking for what seems like forever. They’re quite unique, so it’s really hard for a person to just put them in these categories. I’m gonna do more reasearch on them.

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My Coronacation Day 23

Yesterday, I had a really rough day. I litterally balled my eyes out. This Quarantine Time is really giving me the blues and it is NOT CUTE!

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My Coronacation 22

I’ve been really slacking on my self-care. I have no more energy for anything else.

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My Coronacation Day 21

Today, I’m going to have a day where I just relax. I’ve been working my butt off for the past couple of days; lacking in sleep and even doing my basic essential needs like eating and bathing myself because I’ve just been so busy trying to finish these assignments as quickly as possibly. I’m just going to read a book, eat, do a face mask, bathe, listen to music, sing, dance, exercise, etc. I’m claiming my life back! Take that COVID-19!

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My Coronacation Day 20

My name is Ayanna and my thoughts on the effects of the coronavirus is that it has made such a drastic change with every aspect my life and many others in a negative way. It makes me really appreciate the little things that I had and could do before more. Even something as simple as going to school and receiving homework from teachers and seeing the class clowns make everyone laugh.