thatantisocialbitch

[thatantisocialbitch]

Your blog may have changed my life

At least the level of cringe and edge is doing some good

[thatantisocialbitch]

God so many people I wish I could unkiss, or unfuck

at least i never kissed you.

[thatantisocialbitch]

“People don't change, Diane, not really. Mr. Peanutbutter's a Zelda. He's happy and he's carefree and he's loving, but you and me, we're Zoes... We're Zoes, Diane. We're cynical and we're sad and we're mean. There's a darkness inside you, and you can bury it deep in burritos as big as your head, but someday soon, that darkness is gonna come out, and when it does, I want you to call me.”

-Bojack Horseman

I thought that it wasn’t true, that people can change. Through religion, lifestyle, therapy or wherever you find your zen...but I don’t think that’s true anymore. I don’t think people change, not really, and perhaps we’re fools to think otherwise. I don’t know.

[thatantisocialbitch]

I feel as if my time in where I am it up, except I’m not quite sure where I am supposed to be.

That restlessness that settles not only in those empty pauses that linger in the silence, but makes itself at home deep within your bones.

And not to say I wish ruin on what I see around me, but a step off in a different direction. Somewhere else. Not here, perhaps not in this world even. Where I’m still me, yet nothing else is what it is, but what it isn’t.

I’m not where I need to be and unsure where I ought to be.

I suppose I’m waiting for my own white rabbit to run by and show me the way.

[thatantisocialbitch]

And you know what? Fuck you man, you aren’t on here but you know who you are. Fuck you, fuck your new girlfriend, fuck your whole fucking family and life dude. You were a tweaking piece of shit who didn’t know a great thing when you saw one. Fuck you.

Fuck your girl for reaping the benefits of you being sober, she wasn’t there, she didn’t go through all that with you. She doesn’t deserve to who you became. Fuck you, man.

Why couldn’t you get sober...I deserved to have you sober. I didn’t deserve the you I got, and to this day I know I didn’t deserve what happened to me, and yet...here I am wishing I had you sober.

I don’t think I even had to end up with you sober. I just wanted you sober for awhile. I wanted the you that played the cello for me and sang to me at night. I wanted the you who smiled across the room at me the first time I met you at honors band.

You wanted you sober. And maybe in the end that is a selfish want. Maybe I never wanted you sober for your own sake. You did have a future ahead of you, you could have done so much with your life had you not took the road you did. And yet I think I just wanted you sober for myself. Perhaps because I’m angry and I had you while you used. I don’t know.

It’s a selfish want fueled by an unforgiving anger because I didn’t get what I wanted. You know it’s sad when to this day that anger still holds me at times because I didn’t get what I feel I deserved.

I just wanted you in the way we deserved to have each other and yet here we are, without a word of each other.

I know it needs to be this way, a sober mind can’t forget what happened. And it’s sort of funny, after all that happened and how we both ended up...there is so much we both want to say, to scream, to be answered. The silence will continue, there really is nothing to be said.

And here I am. Angry and bitter at you. So fuck you

[thatantisocialbitch]

Nah man you know what, I didn’t tell enough people in my life to fuck off

[thatantisocialbitch]

you know niceoutsidenothinginside right? i searched her name and didn't show up, did she change it?

Oh shit I hadn't noticed she wasn't on my dashboard

[thatantisocialbitch]

[thatantisocialbitch]

“I’m sorry to all the people I hurt whilst I was hurting.”

— Unknown

[thatantisocialbitch]

“They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which hey never recovered.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

[thatantisocialbitch]

[thatantisocialbitch]

“You don’t know how little you matter until you’re all alone.”

— Frank Ocean

[thatantisocialbitch]

How to be scary and evil while still bringing joy and comfort to everyone around me

[thatantisocialbitch]

oh i am ABSOLUTELY messed up but it did make me funny

[thatantisocialbitch]

[thatantisocialbitch]

confess your love for me via paypal

[thatantisocialbitch]

I just thought life would have more strippers and ring pops man