that-one-malereader-enthusiast

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

WISDOM TEEF GONE, BUT THERES FOUR HOLES IN MY MOUTH, IM ON HEAVY PAIN KILLERS AND STUFF SO APOLOGIZES FOR NOT BEING AS ACTIVE THIS MONTH GUYS

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

SIGHS BECAUSE WHY DO I HAVE SUCH AN ACTIVE IMAGINATION

I'm trying to do request and I'm listening to Die With A Smile by Bruno Mars and Lady Gaga and ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS ALTERNATE SILCO AND ALTERNATE MALE READER

IDEA BELOW!!! ↓

[Spoilers for ARCANE S2 EP 7 : Pretend Like It's The First Time - under the cut ]

======================×

So idea is, Male Reader came to Ekko for help after figuring that the entirety of the Undercity is getting ready for war, that he needs help with the firelights. What they don't expect is Heimerdinger. Via the actual story line, they break into the lab, encounter Jayce, ECT. They go to the Hexgates only to get fragmented by the anomaly.

You end up in the alternative timeline where there's unity between Piltover and Zaun, and Silco...he's alive. The love of your life is alive and apparently you two are truly together! You can't understand or comprehend it, knowing somethings off, but seeing everything so...dangerously perfect. You want to stay, be selfish for once in your life and enjoy your life with Silco, the domestication and love you wanted for so long. You were tired of fighting.

But then, Ekko finally appears, and you're torn between staying, or leaving back to the world that may need you.

UGH BRO YOU GUYS DONT UNDERSTAND IM BITING THE FUCKING WALLS RN I NEED TO WRITE THAT AT ONE POINT FUCK, AFTER, AFTER SOME REQUEST. I NEED TO FOCUS GRR

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

I just realized I might not be able to post soon because I have oral surgery to get all my wisdom teef pulled, UGH

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

So the schedule for this week is some request from last month and some arcane brainrot. Keep an eye out. I normally post during the night or evening CST soooo 6pm — 2 am is my NORMAL times. Unless I have horrible brainrot. Anyways! :3 ✌️

get ready for some sweaty stinky Jayce obsession as well, that puppy turned into a whole mutt in s2, he needs to be SCRUBBED CLEAN

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

Me getting ready to pump out a ridiculous amount of content text week, lots of Viktor brainrot and Lestat. Sighs.

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

Authod, where is the Viktor fic you promised us? Not meant to be rude by the way

I'm cooking as fast as I can,,, I swear, I just want it to be good—

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

˚⊹◖𝐀𝐫𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ◗₊˚⊹

You find yourself in an endless void of darkness, hands reaching out to try and touch something, anything. It wasn't warm nor cold, the floor being the only surface in the overwhelming darkness. Your head snaps towards a pillar of light, its origin unknown, yet it beams down almost like a spotlight.

Basking in the light stood a statue of yourself, roughly carved out, chiseled, grinded down in places to become the art it was, coming down to the details of your hair — pattern, texture, length — face — whether sharp or soft — and even your body, height, shape, even posture. It was an uncanny reflection of your current self, even with the current attire you wore.

Just as you stepped close enough to stand at the edge of the spotlight, another appeared, and yet another statue of you, but different.

This time, you wore attire unfamiliar to your current body. You were dressed in a uniform that was unknown to you, a weapon carved into your hands and a stern look up on your stony face.

Another light appeared as yet another statue of yourself, this time, more somber. A cloak smoothed over your head, face hidden away in the shadows of the smooth stone that looked veiled across your stony image. Your face was carved to show some trait of sadness or sorrow.

Another pillar of light appeared and the statue was much larger, scary even. The facial traits looked like yours, but the body, everything that came with it, looked like a monster. Something you barely recognized.

More spotlights and statues seemed to make a circle around the original and around you, all different with emotions and bodies that varied. Some brutish looking, bullish, scary, others feeble, normal, almost heroic as well. They were all different, but they were all some version of you.

A voice rumbles and rattles through your skull, a string of multiple merging into one singular voice.

"Whatever you choose to be, live that life without regret. Live it boldly and freely. Your paths are limitless."

꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Arcane Masterlist

last updated | 12.12.14

· request open

Yes, I do Jayvik x Male Reader

Yes, I will do Zaundads x Male Reader

** = explicit/nsfw

Yes, I will do request for Season 2

yk the drill MDNI

꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

𝐀𝐫𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐞

ׂ╰┈➤ series

𝐔𝐩𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠

ׂ╰┈➤ A Glance at Greatness | Kiriman Male Reader

ׂ╰┈➤ Shield of Zaun | Arcane x Male Reader

𝐄𝐤𝐤𝐨

• no works here yet! feel free to request!

𝐕𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫

• no works here yet! feel free to request!

𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐜𝐨

ׂ╰┈➤ drabbles

ׂ╰┈➤ oneshots

ׂ╰┈➤ series

𝐉𝐚𝐲𝐜𝐞

· Mini Series | ¹Broken Bones & Broken Hearts | ²Best Thing I Never Knew I Needed**

• no works here yet! feel free to request!

𝐕𝐢𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐫

• no works here yet! feel free to request!

𝐎𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 / 𝐄𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐬

· This includes any other characters not listed down

꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

a/n : will edit visuals later

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

Current Game Plan

→ Write the Viktor / Male Reader Insert | Personal

→ Create Prologue Post for Arcane Series

→ Continue Request Queue from November

→ Try Not To Burn Out

→ Then Draft up that one Hot AF Toji idea yessir

× Make a To Do List To Help Me Focus

✓ Make a List So That I Remember

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

ADD brain : wants to write out the five arcane ideas all at once even though it takes hours to day for me to write, then suddenly gets my IWTV BRAINROT AGAIN

me : I'm eepy and unmotivated, maybe later...or tonight...or tomorrow...

UGH

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

Re listening to The Line from Arcane and God my heart continues to hurt. Just the memory of Skye and Viktors last true conversation being, "I will miss our talks." And her true reply, knowing what this would do to him, knowing how he truly felt about her, she answered brutally truthfully. "No. You won't."

The prior rejection from Jayce, then him seemingly having had humanity, knowing that taking from Vanderwick would leave nothing of him, after doing everything to help claim them back.

A man, a machine willing to reach the peak of greatness and evolution, giving Jayce multiple times to give in on his own accord, never wanting to force him. Just as he never forced Viktor into alight he didn't wish to be in.

UGH I WANT TO WRITE ABOUT THE ASCENDED TWINK, I WILL, I SWEAR. THE A D D GO BR GUYS

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

Gonna actually write some Silco content later when my heart stops aching, im in my emotions rn GUYS ITS NOT FAIR

I will give you ACTUAL Silco smut content, I just have to give it some thought.

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

𝐀𝐫𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐞 · 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐞𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

ׂ╰┈➤ ◖ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈 𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐊𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐈 𝐍𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐝 ◗

𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐜𝐨 𝐱 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

cw : MDNI - S2 Arcane Act III [spoilers], parallel universe, alternate male reader, alternate Silco, slightly suggestive, top male reader, old man yaoi, mentions of nudity, chem-baron male reader, crime boss male reader, mentions of alcohol abuse, mentions of suicidal tendencies & thoughts, mentions of injuries, bitter sweet ending, open ended, fluff, angst, proofread. wc : 1.6k

__________________

now playing : What Have They Done To Us (from the series Arcane League of Legends) - Mako, Grey

꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

prologue · epilogue ←

overview · With Silco dead and gone, it seemed as if all your strength, your will to fight, will to live — it all disappeared with him. It was as if your entire world had fallen apart all at once, that you'd been forsaken or damned by some higher power to simply live a life of constant cruelty. Just as it always has been, just as it always will be — toiling in misery as the place you once called home seemed to be burning before your eyes.

Or maybe, just maybe...it was all nothing but a bad dream.

꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

You woke with an abrupt gasp, a cold sweat clinging onto your body after waking from a less than pleasant dream. Your breath stuttered as you fisted against the sheets to ground yourself to reality. As your vision slowly adjusted to the darkness, it was only then that you realized you were in bed within your allotted room. As the sheets stirred beside you, a slender hand moved to run itself against your bare, scar riddled body — starting at your stomach and slowly making its way up your chest — before finally settling against where your heart resided.

“You alright?” Silcos' voice cut through the quiet air of the room, now able to hear your sudden laboured breathing. He was just barely awake at the time, but the moment he not only heard, but felt you wake in such a panic, he didn't hesitate to come to your aid. The way your heart seemed to race under his touch only worried him that much more about your current state.

“Yeah, no, I just…I just had a weird dream, that's all. Nothing to worry about, just wasn't too fond of it since, well, it seemed so real. Call me crazy, but everyone we knew was there.” You wiped a hand against your own face, still half awake yourself. One hand went up to overlap the others while another went through your hair, combing it back with your fingers balling up towards the end. After a moment or so and being able to catch your breath, you laid yourself back down, resting against the pillow propped under your head.

Silco huffed out, doing his best to sit up, maneuvering a pillow behind his back as he moved positions. “Is that so?” He knew that you were prone to having vivid dreams every now and then, and when it was something intriguing or something that kept you up, he didn't mind letting you ramble on when recalling said events.

“I was some sort of…crime boss and so were you. But you were much scarier than me,” you started, only to snicker at the thought, practically hearing the other playfully roll his eyes at your active imagination. “Though, I will say it got really depressing rather…rather fast. Lots of people got hurt, people I cared about dearly. You, you were there, and suddenly…you weren't.”

“Darling,” he called out for you, though in the moment of recalling what felt like years worth of memories shoved into one dream, you couldn't help but to continue your rant before the thoughts completely disappeared from the forefront of your mind.

“You and Vander, god,” you sighed out, brows furrowing and eyes glancing about the ceiling, as if you were trying to find the image. “You two were up in arms against each other, and I…and I just sat and watched as everything burned. Like I was helpless to it all. The kids, they — Silco, bad things happened, left and right and it was as if the world was against you, us…me? And Powder, damn it, she was so…lost, so broken, and there…there was nothing I could do to—”

Your head snapped down to your arm as you felt a hand slip into your own, squeezing it reassuringly. Your head then tilted up, looking back to your companion with a slight pout on your lips.

“I'm not going anywhere, you know that. I'll always be beside you, understand?” Silco croaked out.

You gently smiled in turn, twisting to where you were laying on your side before reaching out to cup and caress against their face. “Just as I’ll be here next to you, unmoving. My love, unwavering,” you say onto him. Your thumb gently rubbed against the scarred skin of his face, tender touches under the discolored eye you'd come to adore, all before leaning in and tenderly pressing your lips against his own.

Silco reciprocated immediately, tilting his head as his own free hand came up to the nape of your neck, slowly threading his fingers through your hair before giving it a gentle tug, humming as he felt you groan into his mouth.

Regretfully pulling away, you looked at him through half lidded eyes. Your heart throbbed within the confines of your ribcage as he looked at you with the same look he always gave you, the look that makes you fall harder for him everyday.

The look of absolute love, devotion, and admiration — the type of love you couldn't find anywhere else, the type you thought you never deserved.

But Silco knew you deserved more. You deserved the world and he'd give it to you the moment you asked, no hesitation.

Before long, the sheets were moved and your bodies were entangled. Your lips were quick to spoil and praise his skin, pressing hot, heavy kisses against his neck, slipping down to his collar, nipping away while he called your name in such a sultry tone. You practically melted. Your hands drifted to his sides, playing against his bare skin while his hands dipped and diverged, one against your back — brushing against the many scars you'd earned throughout the years — the other threading through your graying hair.

You were once again breathless, but for all the right reasons. A warmth surged through your body, swirling around your core as Silco egged you on.

Leaning up, you found yourself stealing a kiss, your tongue swiping along his bottom lip before slowly pulling away, his teeth catching your bottom and tugging it shortly after. As you two parted, you couldn't help but to stare. Oh how you adored this man, would break the world for him if he asked or demanded it. What wouldn't you do for the man you loved. “I love you…”

Peering into his heterochromic eyes, he looked back into your own, just as he looked at you across the bar all those years ago. “I love you too darling, more than you'll ever know.” He pressed his lips against your once again.

“And nothing will ever change that.”

₊˚⊹ ₊

Your eyes shot open and your body lunged forward, gasping for air as if you'd been choking on fumes. You hacked and coughed before slamming yourself back against the brick wall you laid again, groaning as pain surged throughout the entirety of your body and a harsh banging against your temples. You could barely think in the moment, but you were awake enough to notice that you were somewhere shoved in an alley, slumped against one of its many grime covered walls.

Before you could even attempt to move again, there was a searing pain that seemed to occupy the entire left side of your body. Slowly turning your head, you gazed upon the rather harsh and horrific burns that were in your skin. A pained yell let loose from your lungs as you tried to sit up straight, the pain making your vision flash white.

The Lanes had gone to hell, devastation around every corner, and what was left for you?

Despair, destruction, it all came down and brought back nothing but misery. Something you'd been all too accustomed to.

“What a fucked up dream,” you sneered, wincing with every breath you took.” Maybe…Maybe just one good thought of him before it's lights out.” In the corner of your eye there seemed to be an eerie green glow that lit up the darkness of the Lanes. It caused you to weakly turn your head towards the product of such a glaring light. Only then, could you remember where you truly were, what you'd done.

You could do nothing but sit and watch as The Last Drop was engulfed in flames, the fire lapping at every entrance, window, and wall. You could still feel the flames that nipped at your flesh, eating away as you slumped yourself at the bar in those final moments. Everything started to make sense to you, watching Jinx as she lit the place a blaze, watching her shadow, foreign without her long hair.

The memory was too painful for her, and you didn't blame her.

You could never blame her.

You could never hate her. After all, she was your forsakened daughter, whether you acknowledged it or not. The last thing you could have imagined was her harming Silco, but in the end, you knew she couldn't have done such a thing on purpose, not when she missed him so dearly. Just as you did.

You wanted your suffering to end there, as sad as it seemed, you saw it as a means to an end. One last drink before a final goodbye.

The three people you held dearly, all three of them, gone. Only you remained, to suffer in their silence.

You couldn't remember if you dragged yourself out, or if someone else did, but as you closed your eyes, you could hear his voice encircling your mind.

“You aren't just a mutt fighting for scraps anymore. You're a hound willing to fight for what's yours. You aren't pathetic enough to put yourself down, nor has anyone had the strength or audacity to kill you. So do what you do best…and fight.”

It was as if he was right in front of you.

“Keep fighting, or I swear I'll take everything you care about and watch it burn. Keep fighting. For me…”

As the blaze that once was the Last Drop continued the burn, you couldn't help but to think rather fondly of the dream you had. “Maybe in another life, yeah?” You muttered to yourself. Staring off into the flames, you could feel the darkness seeping in, ready to take you down into the depths of unconsciousness once again.

“Maybe…what could have been.”

꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

a/n : thank you for suffering with me, arcane gripped my heart and I'M STILL HURTING— anywho, don't forget to like, comment, or repost! Arcane requests are open! <3

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

𝐀𝐫𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐞 · 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐞𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

ׂ╰┈➤ ◖ 𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬 & 𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 ◗

꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐜𝐨 𝐱 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

cw : MDNI - S2 Arcane Act I & Act II [slight spoilers], events after the last ep in S1 Arcane Act III, chem-baron male reader, crime boss male reader, heavily occurring dark themes, mentions of blood, mentions of self-loathing, mentions of suicidal tendencies and thoughts, cutting, mentions of drugs, mentions of depression, mentions of Vander, mentions of alcohol abuse, smoking, slight one-sided love, obsession, Arcane is allergic to happiness, I'm still coping, if I must suffer, so will all of you, angst. wc : 3.7k

__________________

now playing : Wasteland (from the series Arcane League of Legends) - Royal & the Serpent

꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

When a tree falls over in the forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

You'd call bull.

But when one of the pillars of Undercity topples over...the whole of Zaun goes to shit. And everyone can feel it, see it — hell, hearing it isn't even the half of it.

For the masses, chaos ensured as there was now a massive power vacuum for the spot he once held. Things were going belly up, both under and topside. It seemed almost as if it was the end of the world, just as it felt like a bad dream — no — a damn nightmare. For the Undercity, it was utter madness and a power struggle. For Topside, it was mourning and brewing with panic as well as sadness after an attack on their pinnacle of life — the sudden attack on their councilors.

For you, it was as if the world stopped. As if the oxygen in your lungs was suddenly taken.

For you, the world was truly ending.

With the only person who even cared about your pitiful existence gone, what was left for you now?

꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

The doors of the Last Drop swung inwards as your shoulder bashed against it, knocking them open with reckless abandon. You knew that set of doors had been through far worse in its days. Still standing the test of time and against every sober man ready to get drunk, business Zaunite, outsider, or enforcer pigs that pushed through them.

Stumbling your way to the bar, you looked worse for wear with every step you took. Blood stained your clothes, some fresh and dripping off your fingers, most sinking into the fabric of your clothes and sticking to your skin. Some of the ruddy fluid even flecked against the side of your face, either from someone you injured — and most likely killed — or from your own injuries that could barely be seen past the layers of dark clothing you wore.

Anyone who'd laid eyes would stand back and away from your battleworn form, as you looked to be in no mood to speak with the likes of anyone that was still there at those ungodly hours.

Whatever hazardous music that blaring from the jukebox sounded like sirens howling in your ears, an irritable grunt leaving your split lips. You had half a mind to stomp over there and kick the damn thing down, but what would be the point?

You barely wanted any more attention drawn to you as it was. It wasn't as if you were going to stay mingle, not with hell practically brewing on the horizon and spilling into the Undercity every minute of the day now.

You could care less for whatever poor sod that was shoved or knocked over while hobbling your way over towards the bar, you weren’t in the mood to deal with any more problems, your plate already overflowing as is. Your body swayed, nearly tipping over as you snagged a bottle from the countertop — whether the bartender left it out or someone who was ransacking just forgot about it — it was now yours for the night.

Making your way past the bar, you stumbled to get up the stairs, shoulder knocking into the wall with every small trip before you finally got to his office door. Slowly lifting your dominant foot up, your grime coated boot made contact with the door, kicking it in, now finding yourself in the somewhat lit room known as Silcos’ office.

A shot of pain seemed to surge through your abdomen — a subtle reminder of your current injuries — as you hobbled over towards the chair in front of the desk, pulling it back before plopping yourself down in it.

You slumped back, one arm lazed over the back of the chair and the other holding the bottle of booze, hanging loosely between your legs. Your bloodshot eyes scanned the desk in front of you, looking at the various tools and objects scattered along it, including a rather colorful ashtray, a mug, the mapping of Zaun and its regions, and a turned shot glass.

You could hear the slightest squeak come from the spinning chair in front of you before a voice came into focus. “You look a mess. I don’t pay you to lead a trail of blood to my door.”

“You don’t pay me shit, don’t fuck with me today. Not in the mood,” you sneered, taking a swig out of the bottle as your eyes gazed over the back of the ruddy colored chair. Leaning back into your own wooden chair, you could feel the freshly stitched skin on your waist start to stretch, a fresh dose of pain making your eyes flutter. “Bozos’ out there are rioting at this point. Can’t even get a handle on my own fucking people now with these petty turf wars.”

“And who’s fault is that?”

“Yours damn it!” You yelled out, standing up faster than your mind could register. Slamming your hand down against the desk, lightheadedness took over before you stumbled back, catching yourself on the chair as you slumped into it once again. 

The world started to spin and a wave of nausea hit you like a train, a familiar buzzing flaring behind your eyes. You clutched against the neck of the bottle you were now nursing, lifting it up to your lips before letting it go down like water. The taste alone was starting to become a numb sensation, the burn you once felt against the back of your throat and the warm that normally swirled and swarmed in your chest faded a long time ago.

Your eyes felt heavy, as if you were going to pass out at any moment. The pain that not only surged through your stitched abdomen, but tore through your shoulder seemed to keep you grounded. Your free hand came up to touch against your left shoulder, finger dipping into what felt like a hole just below your collar and near your armpit. You taken plenty of bullets in your day, though the one currently in you was causing you more misery.

But in a sick way, you wanted it to stay. The pain nothing but a reminder.

The suit on your body looked tattered and torn, noticeable even with the dark colors you happened to adorn. The tie around your neck was undone and the fabric torn, your collar messily put together, just like the rest of you. Your vest was singed as well as part of your dark dress shirt, the straps against your chest and over your shoulders with your gun holsters tucked under your arms, were dirtied and worn. Your face was just as badly roughed up as your clothes, maybe worse.

“You’ve let yourself go.” There was a sigh at the end of his voice, sounding with disappointment. “You let a matter so feeble practically turn you into a stray mutt begging for scraps, yet biting any hand that offers.”

“You didn’t complain when this mutt was fighting for you.” The tension that seemed to settle in the front of your head was making it much harder to concentrate, a groan leaving your lips.

“And yet you ate out of my palm like a domesticated beast. I am not complaining, I’m stating a fact.”

You rolled your bloodshot eyes as you looked down at the bottle in hand, the neon lights refracting into the bottle, giving it a mirror like glare that shone back at you. In the garbled reflection in the bottle, you could see your completely disheveled hair, out of place, stray strands falling in front of your face — some your natural hair color — some with streaks of gray from either your continued age or stress. For all you knew, it was the combination of both. There were dark lines under your eyes, eyes that seemed to no longer hold any light like they used to.

Your tongue ran over your split lip, tasting the once dried blood as you grinned at your reflection, giving off a half hearted chuckle before gripping the neck of the bottle even tighter, the veins in your arm bulging and your knuckles growing pale from the stress of skin being stretched.

The chair gave off a small squeak again, the flick of a light barely getting your attention. “Seems you have found comfort in a bottle. For a while now, I assume? You say, ‘just one drink to get me up’ then it’s, ‘just one drink to get me through the day’, which turns into…”

Suddenly the sound of glass shattering filled the room, your chest rising and falling with extremes as you glared up towards the chair. “You don’t get to judge me! No, no — you, you don’t get that right! Not any more!” You once again stumbled to your feet, practically leaning over the desk, one hand holding the edge while the other reached into your locking before pulling out a switchblade.

He let out a scoff of a laugh as he heard the blade flick open. “Your temper will get you nowhere. You bare your teeth, but you wouldn’t dare bite me.”

“My fucking temp— as if you ever cared about that before!” You slammed the blade into the desk, embedding it within the wood before practically snaring. “This is all your damn fault! I’ve…I have done so, damn, much to keep everything from falling apart! Yet here I am back here asking for your help!” You couldn't help but to let out a harsh laugh, your words slurring. “Damn it, even Sevika is out here charging into the front line to defend you a…and your damned beliefs!”

“I never told you to carry this burden.”

“I know!” You cried out, slamming your hand into the desk yet again, the throbbing now surging through your palm nothing in comparison to the pain that seemed to ache in your chest. “I never asked for this! This…This responsibility! This was your shtick! This was your idea, of…of Zaun, to finally be this independent city of fuck all! And yet you up and…and just leave us when shit hits the fan! Why!” Your voice slowly started to shake, breaking away from it's normal stern, bold state. “Why did you suddenly up and leave when you know I need you!”

Silence came in response.

You looked down and balled your hand up, trembling as it pressed into the desk. “Why,” you croaked out quietly, the power that once filled your voice disappeared as the polluted feeling that fogged your heart started to seep into your lungs yet again, taking your breath away, as if you were being deprived of oxygen.

“I don't...I don't understand.” Your head low, staring at no spot in particular as you drawlled on. “You were…always, always careful. Maybe a little in over your head, but who isn't down here. Everyone knew the price to go against you, so why? What…What happened?” Your question seemed to fill the room with a stale silence that was there from the beginning, desperately waiting for his voice to come, for that chair to spin and for him to reply with some strong winded monologue. 

But there was nothing.

Your heart took another blow, aching in a way that made you want to carve it out of your chest with the very blade you wedged into the wood. To crush it with your own hands. At least then you wouldn't have to worry about the feelings that were overwhelming your drunken form. “Why…” You echoed. Your voice seemed to go dry as you questioned again, your vision blurring for a moment before a stinging warmth dripped down your cheek, splashing down into the map below.

You stood there, frozen, hunched over the desk while slowly moving a hand up to your face before gliding your fingers across your skin, feeling the wetness yet again.

Were you crying?

It started as a small laugh, a hiccup, growing into a small wheeze and snicker, all before your laugh escalated drastically. Your voice rang through the room as you belted out an almost hysterical fit of laughter, blinded by my tears in your eyes as your laugh turned into broken sobs. “The first time in years! I cry…over you!”

You laughed again, pushing yourself off the desk before falling back into the chair you were once in, nearly tipping back completely as your legs kicked and sprawled out before you.

You felt as if you were drowning, unable to surface no matter how hard you tried. The water around you suffocating you, choking you till you were completely deprived of air, constricting your lungs and flooding it with poison, toxins that flowed in the waters within the Lanes. The filth you were born in, the fire you'd die in.

Your hands went up to your face, the heels of your palm pressing against your sunken eyes to stop the sudden flow of tears, like acid against your skin.

Your arms then fell limply to your sides, as if you'd gone boneless. Your eyes drifted towards the ceiling, childish laughter echoing in the back of your mind as soft blue streaks blink in and out of existence.

“We…We are so fucked.” You'd closed your eyes, wishing that darkness could consume you whole in that very moment, that the pain would suddenly come to an end. It was as if the whole world was against you, all at once. Only he knew how to handle situations like this, always there to see over the Undercity, always keeping things in line.

He kept you from falling apart.

And yet here you were.

In a hole that you were unable to climb out of, fragmented and shattered.

“Sevika is doin’ her best. You know that, she's one of your best after all. My own people are going off and indulging in these dumb turf wars with the other barons while I'm trying to pick up the pieces that you left.” Your hand brushed against a broken shard of the bottle you'd destroyed, the liquid still sticking to its surface.

“Smeech, that dirty, ugly looking weasel. Trying to act like a big shot now. They know not to mess with me but…I don't know. The fight you saw in me, it's just…just gone.” You then cursed out, a sudden reminder that flashed in the forefront of your mind.

“And Jinx, god—” Your heart ached even more for the poor girl. You knew the relationship those two had, and as much as you tried to keep yourself from forming a bond, you were practically there from the beginning. 

When she was born, when she lost her mother on that bridge, when she lost her entire family, when she gained a new one. 

It was a shame that you knew she'd seen you as father figure as much as Silco was, maybe even more. Growing up, she'd gotten the normal lectures from Silco but you inspired her, helped her with her gadgetry. But when she was older, bolder, you knew she wasn't that little girl anymore. The nights she cried and screamed in her sleep, nightmares about that dreaded day, etched into your mind. Crying out for her sister, of all people.

“She's your…She's your daughter! How could you damn it!” The heat in your eyes seemed to get worse as more tears wanted to rise and fall down your face, but you refused to shed more tears. “I can't take care of her! I mean — I know, she's grown up! She can take care of herself, but you know she can't do this without you! You were her everything!” You could feel the anger rising in your chest yet again, making your vision turn red.

Was this your punishment? For sitting back and watching as her world was destroyed? For not stepping in when you knew Silco had taken it too far. Him and Vander, they were practically brothers, the same ideals, fighting for the same cause just as you did. Wanting freedom from the trenches, from being treated like scum compared to Topside.

And yet everything went to hell after she died. After Powder's mother was killed. Her kids…those kids...they deserved better. Vander deserved better.

Silco deserved better.

If this was your punishment for turning a blind eye, for ignoring the blood that had been on your hands for too long — this was too much for you to bear alone. Too ruthless of a punishment to last.

“She's a mess without you…you know that. I don't know what to do, I'm not…I'm not like you. I'm not a good role model, hell you turned out to be a really great father. How could I top that? I…I don't know what to do, what to say to her—”

You bit against your lips harshly, tasting your own blood against your tongue yet again. “You were always the better one of us when it came to speaking. Hell, even holding a conversation. At least you normally had the last words.” The silence was deafening.

You knew you were using her name as nothing but a scapegoat towards your actual feelings, not ashamed, but feeling unworthy of claiming them. Just as you felt unworthy of him.

Gripping onto the shard in your hand, you brought it to your face, looking at the sharpened point before looking down at your arm. At first, it was a simple line, feeling like nothing more than a paper cut, but you'd started to put more pressure on the shard. The slow drags raised your skin, splitting it and blood bubbling up to the surface. 

You didn't stop, ignoring the stinging bite that came with it as the piesce of glass twisted and turned. Once you were done, you watched the blood tilt in the direction your arm did, looking at the bloodied word now etched into your skin.

“If only it was this easy, y’know? To numb the feelings you left me with. The pain…you left me with. This fucking burden — of emotions I never, never asked for.” You were tempted to make another line, to cross out the — his name — entirely, but the strength in you was completely gone.

What was the point of continuing?

Everything around you was already burning?

Why not sit and burn with it?

You could feel yourself blurring in and out of consciousness as you once again called out for him.

“Please…say something, Silco. I don't…I don't know what to do! Everyone is talking, whispering, saying shit that doesn't make any sense! But, to hear that you're gone? That…that you might be somewhere dead?” You scoffed. “Call me crazy, but I'd rather hear about you running away like a coward than dead. But that isn't you, is it?”

You laughed an almost sickening laugh before muttering to yourself. “Just like…Just like Vander. Vander went on a long trip, away from here, with his kids, never to be seen again…”

Sitting up, you couldn't help but to stare at the unoccupied desk in front of you, your eyes drifting up to the empty chair once again. You stared, blinked and stared at that fucking chair, all before letting out the most gutteral, painful, ear piercing scream you could let out. Your lungs burned as you let out every bit of rage and pain and suffering you could, your mind flashing with images of him.

By the time your scream died down, your own ears were ringing as before slumped over once more, your vision starting to dot with black spots from how hard you'd pushed yourself in those few moments.

You sniffled lazily wiping against your nose as your eyes fell shut, too heavy to lift as you desperately clawed towards unconsciousness, for darkness to take all what light remained, leaving you with nothing.

Just as it currently was, just as it'll always be. 

You could still smell him now, the scent alone making a small smile appear on your face. The cologne he wore in mix with the cigars he smoked, clinging onto his clothes and practically staining the room in his scent. 

“You know better than to take such a pathetic way out. You've got too much fight. I should know…” His voice settled in the back of your mind as you felt his arms slip over your shoulders, tilting your head over as his hands gently framed against your jaw. “You are not a helpless mutt, you got around just fine without me before. What difference is there now.” The ghosting feeling of his touch made you shudder, breath hitching and your heart racing.

“You've become my weakness…” You muttered, eyes still closed as your head gently bobbed up and down, trying to keep balance so as to not tip or lean out of the chair. Your eyes only cracked some, the world coming in twos.

His voice curled around your ear, speaking to you in the only way you knew how. “You've truly convinced yourself so far, when really, we both know you feel nothing.”

“You feel nothing.” You echoed.

“You feel nothing.” He repeated.

“You feel nothing.”

Your eyes peeled open to an empty room yet again, the phantom scent still burnt into your nose and the voice echoing in the back of your mind. Your eyes were  dull and liifeless as you stared at the chair once again. “I swear Silco…I swear, I'll find whoever did this to you. To us. I'll make them pay for the suffering they've caused all of us...” The aching in your chest seemed to fade, though the physical pain still lingered.

You took a cigar out of your breast pocket, one that he'd given you the last time you'd shared words together, a drink together, before seeing his — your daughter, half dead on the bridge you'd all once fought on together. Seeing her in such a state, it felt like the cycle of hurt was never ending. That the suffering seemed to continue.

You'd never seen Silco so distraught, panicked, desperate. And once again, you turned a blind eye to others pain. You knew that he'd went to the doctor, and you knew Singe would do more damage than good — from the man who made Shimmer, such a drug that even you fell victim to just to forget. To forget the pain, to forget the struggles, to forget him. 

You'd then taken out the lighter, a familiar click ringing in the air. It was a trophy, something you'd borrowed from Sevika from time to time, Finns lighter being one of the few things you liked about him before his timely death. A deserved death. A vulture trying to pull a lioness like Sevika to betray Silco. It was truly his loss, blindsided and put down like the damned dog he was..

The flame lit up the end of the cigar, the embers burning with a mix of a purple and pinkish hue as you took a long drag. You could feel the a wave of power course through you, burning in your lungs but dulling the pain in your body. The high you got from shimmer from even the smallest amount was enough to sustain you, sobering you up enough to think. Your eyes seemed to glow just the dimmest of violet hues before returning to their normal state. Letting out a huff of smoke from your mouth, you spoke aloud once again.

“For her…for fucking Zaun.”

You then stumbled your way out of the room that you'd wreaked havoc in, closing the door gently behind you. You knew you'd barely make it out the front door, better to pass out downstairs than out in the streets. Not like anyone would be looking for you in the basement.

But what you were acutely unaware of was the person sitting with her back against the beam in the rafters, a hand over her mouth as her violet eyes watched your form finally leave the room.

Oh, the misery.

꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

a/n : SUFFER AS I HAVE—

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

AUTHORRRRRRR RELEASE THE VIK FIC AND MY LIFE IS YOURSSSSSSSSSSSSSS *tears up my white wife beater vest and turns into a howling wolf*

Don't worryyy, I will soon I swearrrrr

right after my heart stops hurting because ahsusjsu Arcane FUCKED ME UP AND I NEED AN OUTLET FOR THAT PAIN, I NEED OTHERS TO FEEL MY PAIN, THEN I WILL GRANT YOU YOUR AWAITED ASCENDED TWINK FIC—

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

Vibrating bc I wanna try a new format but I don't want it to look like someone else's because it literally happened before and I wanted to nuke everything—

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

Arcane is allergic to happiness so just know most of my Arcane related post are just gonna be angst with bitter sweet endings because IM GONNA MAKE IT EVERYONES PROBLEM TO BE SAD TOO DAMN IT—

[that-one-malereader-enthusiast]

PAPA me want more MOVIE [silco] 🙏🙏🙏👀👀

DO NOT WORRY, I AM HERE TO PROVIDE