that-is-not-my-cow

[that-is-not-my-cow]

[that-is-not-my-cow]

My brother's girlfriend had HPV, so he went to get himself the HPV vaccine. There is a fee to pay (nothing much, something like €87) but it's completely free if you're in one of the "at risk" groups.

"What does that mean," he asks. "It's free if you're gay," he's told. "Ah. Would I have to like, prove it, or...?" "Just put in a check mark here."

My brother is in no way, shape or form attracted to men, but also he's stingy as it gets. So now he's officially gay. Congrats bro.

[that-is-not-my-cow]

We need billboards like this in every city.

[that-is-not-my-cow]

It is ridiculous how much grocery prices have increased

[that-is-not-my-cow]

"i love complex queer identities" you guys couldn't even handle frank n furter

[that-is-not-my-cow]

I am SICK and TIRED of seeing so much hate towards Al! Al hasn't done ANYTHING to hurt ANYONE! Al is harmless!

But I can already hear the Al haters out there!

"Al isn't original!" No shit, Sherlock! That's what we love the most about Al.

"People aren't supposed to look like that!" That sounds like a problem between you and God, and frankly, plenty of people like the way Al looks.

"Al is just too WEIRD!" Have you ever thought that you might be to NORMAL to actually appreciate Al?

I think you all need to apologize to Al right now!

APOLOGIZE TO HIM

APOLOGIZE TO WEIRD AL RIGHT NOW!

[that-is-not-my-cow]

Suzanne Collins gripping my face with her hands: listen listen the first step to evil is dehumanisation, always, the second you start to see people as less than people no matter what they've done to you that's when you start heading down a path of selfish destruction and violence

[that-is-not-my-cow]

[that-is-not-my-cow]

I work at a restaurant and nothing will ever beat the time this woman threw an absolute hissy fit at brunch because we ran out of home fries and all we had were french fries, she yelled at me, she demanded to speak to my manager, and when she’s in the middle of complaining, my manager just stopped her and went “hey do you want a hug?” and this woman went “what?” and my manager was like “you just seem super upset about the shape of these potatoes and I thought maybe you needed a hug” fucking hysterical, I got to watch a human blue screen in real life, absolutely the best way to shame someone for their nonsense I’ve ever seen

[that-is-not-my-cow]

The "My Eyes Are Up Here" hat but with those alien googly eyes bouncing above it

[that-is-not-my-cow]

cleaned my room after 1000 years and remembered that my room is actually really nice when its clean

[that-is-not-my-cow]

*looking for a midnight snack* *gets flashbanged*

[that-is-not-my-cow]

#lovewins

This whole story is actually so insane though people made a plaque

[that-is-not-my-cow]

your teeth are a gift from god and you can sink them into other people's flesh btw

[that-is-not-my-cow]

Absolute biggest bipedal fuck-up is that we can't lie down and look forward comfortably.

Dogs and cats and cows are out there lying down in the grass and just seeing everything and what do we have? Lie on your stomach and fuck up your neck? Lie on your back and shove 400 pillows under your head? Lie on your side and just accept everything's fucking sideways? I hate this fucking evolutionary form