thaphatfashionista

[thaphatfashionista]

Year 3

For the past 2 years, this time of year has haunted my every thought. All the emotions that ran through my body still felt as real as the very moment I lived it.  I replay every conversation had, every decision that was made, every moment that was spend watching and praying. Losing my dad was one of the hardest and lowest moments in my life. I'm still trying to find my way. I want to relive each moment because it makes me fill attached to a moment when he was still alive. This time that year I had a conversation with social workers about my dad’s care. We decided to try everything we could to save him. What we didn’t know if none of it would have worked. I think I go back to that time, because I did have hope. I had hope that he would pull though. I still have hope that I will wake up one day and it would have been a terrible dream. But I know that it won’t be. What makes it harder is that in all of those stories, my uncles where there for me and now they are not. How in 2 short years we lost them all. My dad my uncles my men. My rocks just gone. I feel so sad all the time. And to be around my birthday. My Uncle helped me walk through waters that I had no idea about. I don’t think he knew just how much he meant to me in all of those moments. No matter when I called he was there. So was my other Uncle. Honestly.... My auntie and uncles are the best people I know. And they have lost so much. From losing their mom so early in life to loosing most of their siblings in the span of 4 years. I lost my uncle 03/27... My dad 04/02... My auntie 04/19.... My uncle 06/23... My uncle 06/21.... 

Just say a prayer for us all... We are going through a LOT

[thaphatfashionista]

You wanna know the funny part to all of this... I did it to myself... THIS is what happens when you force a square peg into a round hole no matter how many times God removed it. You find yourself shitting on the toilet as a getaway from the maddness. I am disappointed in myself for allowing this.. But considering my track record.... I'm not surprised 🤦🏾‍♀️

[thaphatfashionista]

Like how selfish can you FUCKING BE???? I NEEDED YOU TODAY. I needed you like you needed me. It just sucks that I really need someone to talk to (my counselor)but I can't get ahold of you. I listened to you all weekend talking about staying with SOMEONE ELSE but you didn't even once check on me today. See how I'm doing... Its like because you don't need to talk about you and your girl, we don't talk. You took me on a rollercoaster fucking RIDE this weekend. And now.... NOTHING.

[thaphatfashionista]

Random Thoughts!

[thaphatfashionista]

#ScreenshotChronicles All that I want to say but can't... #memes #memelife

[thaphatfashionista]

Screenshots Chronicles... All the things I wanna post on IG but can't! SOOOOOOO here it is... 😎

[thaphatfashionista]

The Year 2017

What can I say about the year 2017? A whole-fuckin-lot!!!! This year has not only been a game changer but a life changer. My life was turned upside down, inside out and on top of it’s head. But it became a beautiful mess and taught me a great deal of lessons. From January to March was just as normal as any new year starts out. I had a great paying job that I was completely unhappy in and were I felt like I was dying on the inside. This is also a job that I should have left a long time ago. But I was comfortable. I also was not living up to my potential. Then April 6th, 2017 came. This is the day my new life began. This is the day that my life as I knew it would be forever different. This was the day I walked into my great paying, unfulfilling job and was told that I no longer had it. I was being laid off. I had never left a job unwillingly. I didn’t know how to feel. And this happened a week before my 34th birthday and the day before I left for my birthday vacation. I took a while to get over the shock. The feeling of getting laid off felt like being in a relationship and out of nowhere being broken up with and the only explanation you get is, “It’s not you, its me.” I was not in a great mental space to deal with it. I had to get there. But I prayed all the time. I got closer to God then I had ever been. It renewed my faith and made me walk by faith and not by sight. I had to have the faith of a mustard seed. I went on interview after interview and nothing. All the doors were closing in my face and nothing was going the way that I wanted or needed. But there were blessings along the way. I was able to be there for my dad while he transitioned to a new normal for his life. I spent a lot of time with my mom and aunt and had time with them I otherwise would not have. I didn’t travel but that is because I wanted to be smart with my money. I will be better now. I had to let go of the old things in my life to be blessed with the new. When I was too comfortable to let it go, God took it from me to give me better. I finally let go of Nate. I know that I am worth much more that what I can get from him. I am thankful. Now I have a new job with the government and I am walking into 2018 with a great mindset. Life is a gift and it is not meant to be taken for granted, I will live my life for Christ and what he has for me, no one can stop. I will move in silence and rejoice with the ones that love me. 2018 will be amazing not because its a new year but because I will make it so! I always feel better when I write.

[thaphatfashionista]

Love EVERYTHING about this! #happyfeet

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A post shared by Isha Blaaker (@ishablaaker)

[thaphatfashionista]

Beyoncé & Kendrick Lamar Freedom Live at BET Awards 2016 HD

[thaphatfashionista]

The Old 2011 Me...

Today has been a crazy day for me. I cried, fussed, complained, prayed, wished and dreamed all within one hour. Luckily the day is almost over. I am at a crossroad in my life. I'm not really sure how I got here which is making the path of getting back to right even that much more of a challenge. I know who I wanted to be when I grew up. I has a vision... I had a dream. I knew what I wanted to do. I knew that I wanted to be in entertainment. I wanted to share my shine with the world because I knew although I wanted to make millions and for everyone to know my name, I didn't want them to know my face. You see, I wanted to be wealthy not famous. Fame is not a lifestyle that I wanted. At first, I wanted to be a syndicated morning radio show host. The female version of Tom Joyner. But why not just a radio talk show host? Because I knew at the age of 10 that there was no money to be made if you were not on in the morning or syndicated unless you where in a huge market that embraces their public radio.... Shout Out to Power 105 in NYC and KMEL in SF/Oakland/Bay Area!... I would take my Mr. Microphone and tape songs from the radio and then tape my voice introducing the song. While most kids were planning to become the next doctor, lawyer or president, I wanted to entertain you through your local airwaves. But I knew that I would have to grind from the bottom and work my way up to the top. Could I deal with having to move all over the USA for a job because the life of a radio personality is that of a Nomad... At the time I was a momma's girl and the thought of leaving home made me sick. I wasn't ready. So that went on the shelf of dreams. Next up would be my attempt to stage a takeover on the print publication world.Standing atop of my bed with my arms reaching the sky I proclaimed "I will take over the magazine world!" You see, I had a conversation with a gentleman as I rode the bus to and from school to chose a career that best represented my dreams and passion. He told me, "Take what you love to do and make it your living." Well I LOVE magazines. I would take my little part time jobs checks and but the latest Seventeen Magazine that would hit the self. I even learned the publication cycle. After the 1st of the current month count 9 days and you can buy it at the local bookstore. I would sit and look at different magazines and say "I would love to be on the 4th page writing my editor's notes to my reader. To give them my thoughts and visions and hope that one day a young girl would look at me the same way I looked at them. I would look at the different styles and say "This is what I want my magazine to look like." Of course it would have to have a twist. I knew what I liked. I love music, fashion and art. The Hip Hop Culture is a hybrid of all that combined. But I was also turning into the biggest girly girl so I couldn't part from my Cosmo and Glamour. I thought surely I'm not the only one to feel this way.. So I got to thinking.. And out came Flavor & Flare... my magazine. A Complex style magazine that combined the elements of magazines like The Source and XXL with Cosmo and Essence... But would it be better than VIBE. This would be a Hip Hop Magazine aimed toward woman. I looked up to the editor in chief of the old Honey Magazine. She went on to become the first African-American female editor it chief of a major mainstream magazine publication. Also to Kim Orosco, the then editor in chief of the Source, the major hip hop magazine. Here was a female running a magazine in a male-dominated genre and running it well. As a side project I made a mock magazine with everything that I would want in my mag. I decided to go to school for it changing my major from CIS to Journalism/marketing. Then I thought, Can I write? I'm good when the juices are flowing but could I do it long enough to get to where I wanted to be? So like the first dream, that went on the shelf too. But the thought of the publication world and journalism still intrigued me so instead of print, I went public. As in public relations because let's be honest, I was the queen of spin. I could make anything look and sound goo. I was the queen of omitting. I could make even the darkest moments rays of sun. Then I wanted to be a video editor. Let's just say, I had a lot of paths. So how did I end up here? Life choices and decision. My mother always says, "In life you have two options when it comes to making decisions. You can either make the right decision or you can make the decision right." That is the mission statement for my life... And those are words to live by...

[thaphatfashionista]

The follow up to the controversial IG Mac post..

[thaphatfashionista]

This is when social media goes really wrong!

[thaphatfashionista]

At the end of the day, Black Twitter is just another social community online. I don’t think it’s particularly different than say 4chan, or subreddits on Reddit. It’s definitely not representative of all black people. There’s a lot of arguments within it. Black Twitter almost never agrees with itself.

Dexter Thomas

[thaphatfashionista]

Just in case you have been hiding under a rock for the past three weeks, here is the full video to Formation.

[thaphatfashionista]

http://www.thewrap.com/25-best-beyonce-moments-from-formation-music-video-gifs/

[thaphatfashionista]

This week in media...

There has been a lot of topics covered this week in my #MCO435 Social media class. The topics most intriguing to me are the most thought provoking ones. On February 6, 2016 Beyoncé dropped a surprise video for a song named “Formation”. The song immediately created buzz and conversation throughout social media. Many were calling it a new black women’s anthem. Some were saying it was great to hear Beyoncé finally embrace her black heritage and a few were actually looking into the deeper meaning of the lyrics of the song and the imagery used in the video. That conversation went into overdrive less than 24 hours later when Beyoncé took Formation to one of the biggest nationally televised stages, Super Bowl 50. But it wasn’t the song itself that brought made the performance controversial. It was the dancers she brought dressed in Black Panther inspire attire that caused a stir I think people were still trying to figure out what the song represented and seeing that imagery gave them an idea of what it could be. Instead of it being a self-love anthem, it is seen as a black power, screw anything that’s black notion and that is not the case.