tessaboo101 - Tumblr blog

[tessaboo101]

Your words cut me so deeply last night. I keep replaying what you said over and over in my head. I don’t think I can get over what you said to me. Your eyes didn’t even meet my gaze when you revealed to me you are no longer in love with me. It was like you were looking right over me. Your eyes were cold and dead. My heart completely sank. I think this is the lowest moment of my entire life. I can’t stop crying. I’m honestly considering just shutting the world out of my life.

[tessaboo101]

I’m here, but not really

It feels silly but I wear you ear to ear

Stuck with this fear, I can’t show

How low I am deep down inside

I bide my time until I’m alone

I’m here, but not really

Continually I feel my lack of presence here

I lear between growing and succumbing

Debating if this is real or my imagination

Contemplation is the only place I feel safe

I’m here, but not really

Abnormally, I’m here I guess

Aimless, I am at best

Rest is what I desperately need

But I proceed while trying to forget...

I’m here, but not really

[tessaboo101]

It’s been forever since I’ve posted on here and I don’t really know why. A lot has changed since my last posts.

I graduated from UT Austin in 2015. Lived in Austin for a while, until I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1. I now live back in my hometown Lubbock, Texas to be closer to family even though they drive me crazy.

Everything is new but it’s somehow old.

New Job

New Dog

New Boyfriend 

I guess it’s probably because I have the same attitude towards life. As much as the people around me try to convince me therapy will help, I remain unconvinced. I’ve been down that road. I was sexually abused and developed severe OCD. I went to therapy and guess what? It didn’t help. I still struggle with the same shit. I just keep piling it on hoping my back doesn’t eventually break.

This right here seems to be the only thing that gets me through. Writing my heart out even if no one is reading or cares.

[tessaboo101]

In my life I don't think there has ever not been a time when I did not feel lost and consumed by the fear of the unknown.

Tessa Meriwether

[tessaboo101]

We are all women and we are all beautiful in our own way.

[tessaboo101]

Cat got your tongue? 

[tessaboo101]

Mary and I at CMA Fest!

[tessaboo101]

What An Awesome Week

This week I got to go visit Mary in Nashville. I had so much fun just hanging out with her and going to the CMA (Country Music) Fest. We got to see artists like Miranda Lambert, Lady Antebellum, and Jason Aldean. Miranda Lambert was probably by far my favorite her stage presence was just unbelievable. Mary and I also got to go to some really awesome eating places and had some amazing ice cream at Maggie Moo's (such an adorable little shop).  I am really going to miss Mary! I might not get to see her again until Thanksgiving but I will definitely be Skyping her often! I just wanted to thank Mary's mom for getting me my plane and CMA tickets and Mary for opening her home to me this week. It has been a week I will cherish forever and never forget!

[tessaboo101]

Wow this is amazing! Have you written music to this yet?

Aww thank you Mary and no I have not. 

[tessaboo101]

I loves you girly! its not a question though.

Awww I love you too! =]

[tessaboo101]

Thanks for following me

No problem thank you for following me :)

[tessaboo101]

Time doesn't heal all it just makes me miss you more.

[tessaboo101]

Buried in Grief

I wrote this a few months after my brother passed away. I hope this helps anyone out there who has ever lost anyone to know that no matter how alone, helpless, or worthless you may feel you are never truly alone...just look up at the stars.

How to fill this hole

I don’t know

I just keep on writing

Hoping that these words will somehow string together and fill this space

This empty feeling that was left when you escaped

I just don’t know of anything that can take your place

I know I need to be strong

But that’s hard when you’re the one that’s left alone

I can see you up there looking down

Down that’s where I’m at

Down on my luck and thinking about giving up

My heart is young

But it’s weary and it aches

Just wishing I could see you one last time

I slowly fill this hole you left with dirt

I bury myself in grief

Just another place I lay alone

[tessaboo101]

YAY! Orbit started making minis =]

[tessaboo101]

OMG she finally went into her rock. =D

[tessaboo101]

ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?

Robots of course!

[tessaboo101]

Oh and I finished my playlist for my page. Most of the songs really remind me of my brother and the other songs are some that my brother probably would not like but we kind of had different tastes in music. Anyway hope you enjoy it!

Tessa Meriwether