terrifictomholland

[terrifictomholland]

“WHAT WE MOURN FOR THE DEAD IS THE LOSS OF THEIR HOPES.”

I never thought I’d make this post. Any time I imagined a One Direction member dying, I pictured myself weathered and grey. This was an eventuality that wasn’t supposed to be actualized until the boys and I had lived full lives. To have to come to terms with Liam’s death—his perpetual absence moving forward—in my mid twenties feels absurd. I wrote a long thing the day after I found out, so I’ve already gotten some thoughts out. I’m going to try and keep this short. I likely won’t succeed.

Liam was kind. If he’s remembered for anything, I hope it’s that. I know he helped out with food banks in London during lockdown because there were photos of him packing boxes, but I didn’t know until now how much money he gave them. £80,000 without any publicity. And it wasn’t a one-time donation. He kept working with various orgs to help food insecure people. In the week leading up to that unfortunate Wednesday, he gave away thousands to fundraisers—primarily set up to help people with severe illnesses. He’d been part of Soccer Aid for years. He was involved with anti-bullying campaigns. He worked with Rays of Sunshine to make hundreds of sick children happy. Over the years, he also donated to nonprofits that help children in Gaza and other places. The T-shirt he designed for Choose Love has garnered nearly £200,000; Choose Love has been working with the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund and Medical Aid for Palestinians to provide desperately needed aid in Gaza. Liam understood the value of his wealth, and what his social responsibility was. He did his part to make this world better.

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[terrifictomholland]

The look of a proud mother...

Her look of pride, of tenderness, of satisfaction, the look of a mother who unconditionally LOVES her child 😥🤍

People were so unfair to him Karen... I'm sorry, you and no mother or father should go through all this hell

[terrifictomholland]

Okinoerabu Island Caves, Okinoerabujima, Japan.

[terrifictomholland]

I don't think we grasp it. Fans protecting Liams dad from the paparazzi to show him we are not here to intrude, we are here to tribute and protect you. Liams's dad, whose going through the worst thing imaginable went down, asked the security to move and looked people in the eye to thank them for coming. He does not view them as intrusive. This has always been a family.

[terrifictomholland]

Just listen to his story.

[terrifictomholland]

if there's one surprising thing I've learned from reading all the tributes and eulogies to Liam- it's that he was in constant contact with SO MANY PEOPLE! People from every period of his life have all said the same thing- he checked on me frequently. We texted constantly. I texted with him the day/ a few days/ a week before he died, like we always did. In all this bad news and sadness, honestly it's a single thing that has kind of brought me joy, it's a sweet thing we didn't know about his life that's actually so nice? I mean idk what he felt... but it paints a sweet picture of someone who wasn't alone

[terrifictomholland]

By the way one direction inspired an entire generation of young teens to become artists, readers, writers, musicians, animators. 14 year olds were hacking into security cameras. Do you genuinely understand how hard that is? I literally have a tech degree and i still view hacking as too complicated. 14 year olds were in literal stem to watch one direction buy a bottle of shampoo. They have genuinely altered the courses of so many people's lives in terms of careers and long term hobbies. It was never just the music. I literally started reading by reading fanfiction. I am now a very active reader of many genres. I got a fucking tech degree because i wanted to see how it was done. Like its so unbelievably crazy. And they were massively bullied by the media and the rest of the world. They were ridiculed by the music industry. They were the biggest boyband on the planet and the only one that went as global as they did and they had them parody their own song 3 seperate times. They were never nominated for grammys as a group. They were genuinely never taken seriously and they changed the courses of young womens lives.

[terrifictomholland]

It was windy today in England and other parts in Europe. Liam really was walking in the wind. Also when he died there was a meteor shower and these days there's another one. He's a little star you can't get rid of little stars.

[terrifictomholland]

After Liam’s passing, today actually hit me the most. I was so numb after recieving the News about Liam until today.

Today is actually the day i cried really hard after Liam´s death. It all feels so real seeing the boys together after decade.

Seeing Zayn and Louis talking after years, all of them in black wearing sunglasses but u can still see they’re hurting.

Louis being brave enough to take them off and let me tell you, when i saw his broken eyes and how he carried the order of service it totally broke me.

Niall searching for Amelias hand and holding her for the first time in the public to be sure he’s not alone and she’s right next to him.

Harry holding his head really low making him seem so small.

Seeing all of his friends and family and the people that loved him.

Seeing Paul guide his coffin one last time to the safety.

Seeing Liam’s coffin being carried for the last time to the church.

And his parents, oh my his parents, i wish them so much strenght for an upcoming years without their son. May they find peace in this world. My heart is crying for them.

Liam, wherever you are, i love you, we love you ! I hope you’re in so much better place. When u died my childhood and teenage years died with you.

Until next time, Payno. Sleep well! ❤️

[terrifictomholland]

we love you liam. in this life and the next. we can't wait to see you again.

[terrifictomholland]

I don’t want to see a single photo from the funeral I don’t want to know a single thing that happened I don’t want to know who attended and who didn’t

I want it to be a chance for friends and family to say goodbye to a close one, not for the world to consume their grief

[terrifictomholland]

Thank you for always making us laugh while watching your videos and making us happy with your music. You will always stay in our hearts and we will miss you forever.

Rest in peace, Liam 🕊️❤️

[terrifictomholland]

New Girl: Nick and Jess

It's always you. I always knew.

[terrifictomholland]

Liam talking about fatherhood.

[terrifictomholland]

1 month since you left us, Payno💔

[terrifictomholland]

I need you people to realize that you can be friends with people older than you. like, much older than you. like, decades older than you. you can be friends with these people. regular friends, just like anyone your age. it is possible.

[terrifictomholland]

Liam visited a sick fan last night x