terminatedeve - Tumblr blog

[terminatedeve]

[terminatedeve]

vk dudes back then didn't gaf. truly what a tribute to miss yukiko okada. honestly one of my favourite tracks of all time

[terminatedeve]

house

[terminatedeve]

I used to have a lot of films on this pc but I thought it particularly poetic and in character that this is the selection I left for myself: Pretty Village, Pretty Flame (1996), Infection (2004), Noroi: The Curse (2005), Guinea Pig 6: Mermaid in the Manhole (1988), The New God (1999), Peep "TV" Show (2004), Downfall (2004) and, of course, Bright Future (2002) LOL truly the best of the best and an incredible selection all together like that

I actually had the experience of watching Downfall at the cinema when I was back home, and I have to say, even the 100th time seeing it... it was incredible, what an experience. I need to do a post or something detailing all the films I've seen at the cinema, because it's actually so interesting to have your very first experience of an older release be like that. I did genuinely transcend body when I saw Iphigenia (1977) for the first time like that, and I think it really was one of the most significant experiences of my life

[terminatedeve]

I really dislike this modern insistence of just telling people to 'go to therapy' if they're exhibiting crazy behaviour.

Even ignoring the glaring issue of it not being affordable for many, even in places where you can get /something/ for free... ultimately, therapy will do Nothing and will be a waste of your time & the therapist's time if you don't want to get better. Wanting to get better in the first place is probably like 80% of therapy and its ultimately what its success hinges on. Nobody has to want to live. It's just stigmatised to want to call it quits on your life, and it's difficult to even have a space to speak about it in... that's why people turn to spaces online to express themselves. Why would I talk to a therapist who would immediately shit themselves and threaten me if I ever let it slip that I have plans? People are cagey enough about euthanasia for terminally ill patients in a controlled environment... they're (understandably) extremely bothered by people who, after reflecting on their lives, decide that living for much longer isn't a good decision. I just hate how I'm always immediately dismissed when I express that there is no reason for me to keep going, as if it were always something irrational and nobody can ever possibly come to that conclusion when in a healthy state of mind. I get it when it's people close to you, but I really dislike how suicide is discussed online. I don't expect it to change but this is my only space to express myself and I can do what I want LOL

[terminatedeve]

It's 2007 as far as I'm concerned

[terminatedeve]

quick study

[terminatedeve]

"it is sad and embarrassing" lol to not have something as complicated as someones personal sexuality entirely figured out? acting like people dont realize or come to terms with their sexuality when they are in their eighties or never. anon is a sick fuck! i relate to a lot of what you say and post, you dont have to reply to this or anything please keep creating stuff thanks

I wouldn't say they're a 'sick fuck' myself, since I think they don't come at it from a place of cruelty, but it is confusing to me that somehow it's strange that a person might have a complicated relationship to their sexuality and find it difficult to understand. I find it's especially common for women, since we grow up inundated with sexualised images of other women & many of us feel broken or sick because we don't perform our sexuality as we are expected to do in our environments. It's quite common I think, and can manifest in unique ways. Add to that early exposure to pornography, and it's going to take a while to find out what your feelings 'really' are. That's why I tend to pay more attention to what people actually /do/ rather than how they present themselves online.

With anon, I assume it might push their buttons for personal reasons and/or they just find me pathetic/self-absorbed/etc., so it's okay, and I'm sure they'll forget about it quickly and move on, as will I.

I'll keep making my stuff, so hopefully others can find comfort in it in the future. Thank you for the message, I appreciate taking the time to send it.

[terminatedeve]

Going to an already marginalised person, and potentially further alienating them by insisting they stick to a label that makes them easier to understand and more pleasant... It would be laughable if it weren't also such a sad thing to do. I truly don't believe you intend to humiliate yourself or to piss others off when you come on here. It's the most human thing to want to leave your own mark on the world, with all which that implies. Personally, i think you're on the right path in that sense. Have a good day

Thanks anon, I appreciate it. I do think it's a natural response for people to have when they see me say stuff that doesn't align with their worldview. I get why people are hostile, and I understand that when I post my thoughts online, I should expect backlash... but also, I absolutely don't do it to be provocative. I have 100 followers & I don't post in visible tags for a reason.

I don't really get their mindset either, I'm not sure what they expect me to do. When I see others using labels, they get backlash for not being 'enough' xyz label either, so it's just how the internet works. I'm old enough to know it's how it is, and it doesn't really mean anything. It's all okay. I'm going to keep doing my own thing regardless, the unfollow button is free after all. Thanks for the message! I do appreciate it, honestly

[terminatedeve]

[terminatedeve]

[terminatedeve]

[terminatedeve]

[terminatedeve]