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You seem like the type of person to get your armor trimmed

and what about it??? smh let a person be aesthetic in peace SOME of us must bring the panache

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i just KNOW dick grayson loves chappell roan

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Hell yeah magic

HELL YEAH MAGIC!!!!!!

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okay today my favourite person sat me down for my first ever Magic game. And OH MY GOD i think I’ve been indoctrinated. 

I was confused as hell and asked some stupid-ass questions but it was so so much fun. 

all your advice was very crucial for me to WINNNNNN :D [plus the generosity of my opponent but shhhhhh] (don’t ask about the un-set match we had after that—it was swift and devastating and felt like public abashment like SURE OKAY I JUST GOT A GRIP ON THE BASICS LETS RUIN THAT smh)

but for real—it was amazing and I really look forward to my future in Magic :)

PS, my Magic Manager, my Gathering Guide—thank you for your patience with my many gasps of awe and wonder, and with the steep learning curve I fully face planted on <3

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I was on a roll at this social function and had begun this exaggerated bit about not shutting up bc I need to be funny and make it everyone else’s problem. this bit entailed me explaining (with full charades) how I’ll keep going, keep digging, until I hear SOMEONE laugh or wheeze. [I mean let’s be so real the whole concept of ‘not going out on a loss’ and ‘don’t stop the winning streak’ coexisting SO applies to winning the metaphorical room over and garnering reactions and collecting them like cool rocks] but yes. acting as a little jester.

and they all had the AUDACITY to all go Ha HaHa. John Travolta Style on me. like DAMN OKAY GO BE FUNNIER AT MY EXPENSE. And Damn. if I hadn’t become the jester I made myself out to be.

however I did take the opportunity to dramatically die Willy Shakes style so I didn’t really leave on a loss

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Other shit:

Creatures can't attack the turn they come in to play

All your dudes attack the other player at once. You gotta declare attackers all at once. Attacking taps your dudes.

You attack the other player, not their creatures.

They get to declare blockers (multiple guys can block a guy)

Untap all your stuff at the beginning of your turn every turn

If your life hits 0 thats bad.

And that should basically be enough to get you running. Like there are a billion rules, but those are the fundamentals

you’ve turned me into an 80’s protagonist with an epic education curve montage and HOO BOY I bet the soundtrack is unreal

thank you for taking the time to be my grizzled mentor :)

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You're a super wizard trying to kill the other super wizard

Play a land a turn

Turn lands sideways (tapping) for a temporary resource called mana that isn't represented by any card or token

Spend mana to pay the cost of the cards in the top right

Play that card

If it's a creature you can use it to attack the other player. If it's an artifact or enchantment it hangs around on the battlefield

Sorceries and instants are one and done

ohmygoodness!!!! thank you SO so very much for being a Super Wizard that goes above and beyond your scope of wizardly obligations

may your likeness find its way onto a Magic card <3

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can someone PLEASE explain mtg to me.

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For about 6 years now I've had a running gag with one of my cousins where, once every like 6 months or so, I'll find a way to insert a certain mental image into the conversation. The mental image is "a pile of toilets in an elevator, which closes and then goes up." I do this as naturally as possible. I'll construct an entire scripted conversation path with the express intention of leading into an opportunity for me to say "a pile of toilets in an elevator, which closes and then goes up." I have talked other people who aren't me into integrating the phrase into their conversations with him just once. He fucking hates it. He has threatened to kill me about it. I let so much time pass between instances that he never sees it coming. Because he knows that the only way to see it coming is to integrate into his brain the expectation that at any point, any conversation may suddenly turn out to be a toilet-elevator trap. And that's a fucking insane way to live.

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At first I’m like AHHH I’M EXPERIENCING THE HORRORS!!!!!!!!! But then it hits me; Woah! I’m experiencing things! (I mean, yeah, duh, THE HORRORS)

But it’s all the part of the being-a-person package! We are what we experience. And it’s better to experience The Things than nothing at all. I get Wizened, get good, and get good stories. I learn more about what it means to be human and how to be a better one.

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it took me a full DECADE to join this site. in the last several hours i have already been overwhelmed with the cultural icons and influences i've stumbled across that i was exposed to in my previously non-tumblr-ed life. it's like. being in a cathedral and going oohhh that's some lovely stained glass scenes there and then reading the biblical texts the depictions are derived from. NOT that i am calling this site holy or anything btw. i've already picked up that much.

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Hiiiiiiii :3

I LOVE this question!!!! Hi!!!!!!!!