teetow

[teetow]

Ode to Startup Culture

we need to boost growth numbers all hands on deck think outside the box ethical guidelines have been suspended we know your places of residence nobody's safe hiding is futile it is too late for me save yourselves 5% KPI Mother must feed 200M MAUDAU growth is our purpose all hail Xenu

[teetow]

[teetow]

A thing that actually happened

Me, walking into the newly opened Sony store in 2003

SONY: hey fellow youth! You know that $100 mp3 player you have?

ME: yeah

SONY: we made a better one

ME: how

SONY: it's $400

ME:

SONY: and plays the best music

ME: ok

SONY: like Grammy-award winning music group Backstreet Boys

ME: um

SONY: and you know what's even better?

ME: does it fire lasers

SONY: ha ha

ME: ha ha

SONY: no

ME:

SONY: it doesn't play mp3:s

ME: sorry, did you say "better?"

SONY: it plays ATRAC

ME: ATRAC

SONY: it's like mp3 but it's ours

ME: so, you're saying

SONY: yeah we give you software to convert them

ME: oh good

SONY: for free

ME: fantastic! I'll take five!

SONY: really?

ME: bye

*** store closed three months later

[teetow]

BORIS: you see Ivan, when press button on sputnik, sputnik apply distort effect IVAN: but Boris, what use is distort effect BORIS: interrogating American infiltrators. Is unpleasant, no? IVAN: not as unpleasant as drinking cold borscht in Gulag, ha ha BORIS: ha ha IVAN: for serious though, I fail to see how this improve our spy satellites. you're not sticking to five-year plan. BORIS: sounds more like you problem IVAN: BORIS: shall I press button again

[teetow]

[teetow]

I... I actually don't hate this. I really think, if we're to be brutally honest here, that the best that can happen right now is for Birdapp to become so unapologetically übermonetized, unhinged and "muh free speech" that we just forget about the whole fucking thing and return to group chats and link aggregators. 

The consensus would then be that social networks were just a bad idea, a novel flash in the pan that were always just an echo chamber for psycho billionaires, just like "imma build the biggest ship" in the 1800:s.

Wow! Elon Musk introduces tiered check system to Twitter

[teetow]

Someone trying to do important research and this is what they get

nvm Google won't let me have fun anymore