tc-oceaneyes

[tc-oceaneyes]

My last post

So I’m in college now. I never really got to say goodbye to him but I was busy with work and such that I didn’t have time to visit the school once my results were out.

I heard on Monday however that he’s engaged so uh, I guess it’s over. Of course I’m over the moon happy for him but there’s still that stupid part of me that wishes I could have got something.

I’m studying the subject he taught me in college. Still don’t know why. I think I’m afraid to let go of him and forget him.

But this basically means that I have no reason to be on here anymore. It was such a wonderful space for me to be when I couldn’t stop thinking about a man 14 years older than me with a perfectly crooked smile and the most gorgeous blue eyes I think I’ll ever see. I’ll never be able to truly get him off my mind. I really did love him. But it’s over now. I need to move on with my own life, finally.

Good luck to everyone who sees this. You’ll all most certainly survive all this if I can.

So long ❤️

[tc-oceaneyes]

Me: I’ll shake off this feeling it’s fine

Also me: sees him again

[tc-oceaneyes]

Lol I sat the subject he taught me yesterday and I fucked it up. I didnt learn the right thing that came up because Im an idiot. I was so upset and sobbed on my friends shoulder for like half an hour, fully ugly crying. I came out of the exam early and I expected him to ask me why but he just said hi to me and probably knew that I was upset and wanted to give me space. He didnt speak to anyone else about the exam tho as far as I know unless they went up to him first so thats probably why he didnt ask me. I was sitting behind him with his back to me and when my friend came back from having a cigarette I started crying the second I opened my mouth. I could see my tc turn around to see but I put my head down bc I didnt want him to see me I looked really bad okay.

But basically, I needed to get a good result, not just to impress him and make him proud but to get the college course that I want. I dont know if Im gonna be able to do that now bc I wasnt able to answer a 80 mark question 🙃 Im not confident in how I answered everything else too. I was way too upset to go and talk to my tc yesterday about it and its probably for the better that he left me alone. But if Im feeling really adventurous or if he asks me if I see him again then I’ll speak to him about it. Ultimately, I’m going to look at my paper and how it was marked when I get my results and he will be looking at it with me so I’ll get to speak to him then but that will most likely be the very last time I see him.

Im living in the same place for college, I cant afford to move away or anything so of course I may still see him around and stuff but it wont be the same. It’ll never be the same. But its all over now. I ended everything in the same place where everything began. And I fucked it all up in the end. Every single ounce of myself that I invested in him and in his subject just wasnt worth it in the end.

Idk if I’ll ever have a reason to post here again but if I never do, I just want to thank everyone whose ever liked any of my posts, bothered to read any of the shit that I have written and just bothered to listen to another story of a girl in love with a man 14 years older than her who she’ll never have. Thank you.

[tc-oceaneyes]

So here was me thinking I’d never even see my tc again after a few weeks ago but here we are

Im doing exams atm, like the BIG ones. These determine if I go to college basically. I had English paper 2 today which is fairly stressful as it is but it actually went pretty well!

However

Im doing my exams in my tcs classroom and for some reason in the middle of the exam he came into the room and swapped with the supervisor. Idk if youre techically allowed to do that, but he did. Im sitting near the door and he seemed to need to get something in the room so thats why he went in. Obviously I was too busy with the exam to really pay attention but it seemed he just walked in, picked up something and read it, then left when the supervisor came back. Its worth noting that before the exam, the door was open and I kinda caught him looking at me from outside the door bc Im directly in front of it. And, when he came in, I started furiously fucking blushing bc Im an IDIOT but this fucking man STANDS RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY DESK. FOR A LONG TIME. LITERALLY SILENTLY TAUNTING ME. UGHHHH. I HATE HIM IT ACTUALLY CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD SO MUCH

Then after the exam he was standing on his own being all cute and when my friends left, I was sitting on my own. Directly across from him. Literally saying COME OVER HERE AND TALK TO ME as much as I could. He still stood there and was probably looking at me and tbh I should have looked at him which may have made him come over but then he randomly left again. I was talking to my old english teacher about the exam when he came back and he started talking to another girl about how it went lol

He probably would have ended up talking to me if I had stayed longer bc there wasnt many people left but Im ultimately too much of a fat chicken to say anything to him. I sit the subject he teaches me tomorrow tho and Im so scared but it means I’ll have an excuse to talk to him 🤪 hell yeah

[tc-oceaneyes]

Please reblog, this is so important.

[tc-oceaneyes]

After this summer I will never see you again

But your hauntingly beautiful smile will forever be burned into my memory

I cant help but see it every time I close my eyes

And wish things could have been different.

[tc-oceaneyes]

I still remember the first time he ever caught me eye. I was like 13 and sitting on the floor in a ball real early in the morning and I saw him walk into his classroom. I didnt think he was cute or anything, he just caught my eye. 6 years later and Im hung up on the bastard

It’s so weird thinking back to when you first met someone and that moment you had no idea they would have such a big impact on you

[tc-oceaneyes]

I havent spoken to him in like two weeks and im drinking wine and i miss him

My exams also start next wednesday

Im gonna die

[tc-oceaneyes]

Me thinking about the life me and my tc could’ve had together under different circumstances

[tc-oceaneyes]

Send asks plz

✨asks✨

1. when did you first meet your tc?

2. what’s your tc’s relationship status?

3. what’s the age gap between you and your tc?

4. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done/said to your tc?

5. How old are they?

6. Do your friends/family know?

7. What’s their favorite color?

8. Describe them using only emojis

9. What HP house would your tc be in?

10. what subject do they teach?

11. have you ever heard your tc cuss?

12. are they tall or short?

13. what’s the most intimate thing you’ve ever done with your tc?

14. are they serious or silly?

15. what music do they prefer?

17. have you ever gotten in trouble with them? was it serious?

18. have you ever dreamed about your tc?

19. had your tc ever complimented you? how so?

20. do they play any instruments?

21. do they have neat or sloppy handwriting?

22. have you ever heard them sing? was it good?

23. do they dress well?

24. have you ever cried in front of your tc?

25. what’s their best feature?

[tc-oceaneyes]

I’ll make myself easy to find for the rest of my life, just so you can find me. But you’ll never appear, will you?

[tc-oceaneyes]

Me: Hi!

My TC:

[tc-oceaneyes]

The problem is, I haven’t been able to get you off my mind ever since I first laid eyes on you

[tc-oceaneyes]

My heart breaks because I know that you weren’t made for me…And that we weren’t meant to be.

[tc-oceaneyes]

Ok, let me see...😖 & 😊?

Thanks for the ask babe! Love your blog 💞

😊- Favourite memory/Memory that makes you smile:

My *new* fave memory with him is actually only from a couple of days ago. He asked me to see him that morning because I needed study tips about a certain topic that my usual technique wasnt working for. So obviously I went to him and he went through various things with me and gave me a few things (which I never asked for but he got for me SO SWEET) and seeing as classes have finished up I thought it would be a good time to give him a ‘Thank You’ card I had gotten for him. He was so pleased and appreciative and it was the cutest thing ever. His voice changes slightly when he’s smiling and happy and it was the best feeling in the world to know that it was because of me. He mentioned he never got too many cards from students and that he really appreciates mine and it made me feel so special 🥺

😖- How are you going to say goodbye?

Tecnically, many people would class the above as a goodbye. However, he emphasized that Im more than welcome to see him before and during exams so that isnt going to be the last time I see him. Im in school for the next two weeks studying and he’ll be around for when I sit the exam for the subject he teaches and the day where I get my results hopefully so depending on if I need to get my exams appealed, August 15th roughly will be the last time I see him. I’m still trying to figure out how I’ll say goodbye and going back and forth on whether I should tell him how I feel. But I’ll most likely tell him how great I think he is as a person and a teacher and how much I enjoyed his classes over the years. And I’ll probably cry lol. I’m not looking forward to it :(

[tc-oceaneyes]

Plz!!!

Ask about my tc with emojis

👄 Describe their voice

😞 what is a horrible memory you have with them

😊 what is the best memory you have with them

💕 what made you fall in love with them in the first place?

🚶‍♂️ Describe the way they act during class

🙏 are they religious

👱‍♂️ what’s their hair color

👁 eye color?

😊 one memory that makes you smile

👌 any moles/ birthmarks/ scars?

♌️ zodiac sign?

😖 how are you gonna say goodbye

💏 relationship?

🖋 how do they write?

👀 age gap?

🤙 siblings?

🤝 do you have nicknames for them

💓 are you in love with them

👦 do you know about their childhood?

✌️ favorite physical thing about them

🖖 favorite thing about them personality wise

🥰 if you could, would you want to be in a relationship with them?

[tc-oceaneyes]

I only have one more class left with him. Im actually quite upset about that because I am in love with him. I’ll still see him again but I’ll never be able to look into his eyes and look up at him as my mentor guiding me and teaching me about something he has made me love.