tbh-i-miss-u

[tbh-i-miss-u]

Its been so long

Its been so long. Why do I still look out for you? I'd look around more when I'm in your estate, thinking if you would be near me. I would look for your sihoulette in a crowded area and think to myself: could it be.....?

Im pretty sure this has hurt me more than you. I'm pretty sure that we would never be friends again. Hoq did we get to this point? If you had cared more and was less selfish.

Regardless of how you have hurt me in the past, you still mean a lot to me, enough for it to be so impossible to forget you.

[tbh-i-miss-u]

Have you thought about us?

Have you thought about us?

Of course, would I not? Isn't it an obvious question?

Is it not obvious that I've been avoiding it the whole time?

Is it just to start of the conversation about it?

Then why would you leave right after asking me that?

Yeah no shit fam, I've been thinking a lot about us as much as its much easier to cope this time round. As much as I'm growing and learning and becoming a better person, no shit it hurts. I feel so empty and keeps trying to distract myself.

Why would you start the conversation and leave me hanging like this?

"Out of the 3 years of our friendship, we's stopped talking and talked for an equal amount of time."

I know that, but what are you trying to say? Why are you telling me this?

.

.

.

I need more time.

[tbh-i-miss-u]

Why have I never thought that you will never like me the same way as I like you? No wait I'm wrong, I have always thought about it. Just that today I've reached an epiphany where I realise that no matter what I do it will amount to nothing.

[tbh-i-miss-u]

1. No. 2. I dont even know what to feel already because I was so used to her hurting me. 3. Cat. 4. To get my mind straight and focus on whats important in my life. (Lowkey wna stop being a loser and have a partner so that I dont look like the lonely lil bitch in my clique) 5. Yes. Very. 6. Yes. 7. I think so? Yes. My cousin. A guy. 8. One of my favourite k-pop idols. 9. Four…. beds….? My bed, my sissy’s guest room bed, my cousin’s bed, ….. my army bunk bed….? 10. Yes! Its new I love it. 11. I guess some what here and there…. it could be better…. but im not complaining. 12. My good friend’s new number. 13. I dont know shit about dog breeds in general but I would like to have a dog in general. 14. Emotional, physical pain twkes it away. 15. Art museum…. zoos are smelly. 16. Yes. Constantly. Who isn’t? 17. 20 years. My mum. 18. Fuck no shit. 19. No exes but if that fling is considered….. No. 20. No kisses cuz im a loser in life who dont deserve love. 21. No because I domt believe in marriages. 22. Again no kisses cause im a loser in life. 23. Erm… no…? 24. Fashion don’t just exist…. blah blah blah… jk, i dont live by quotes because I live by what I believe in. 25. How the fuck am I going to focua on my goal in lice if im constantly desperate for a partner. 26. Would like to have some. 27. Used to be lime green but i kinda think teal green and turquoise are pretty nice nowadays. But never giving up on anything pink. Pink apparels. 28. Wtf…. depends on the context obviously? 29. No one actually. I had confused feelings about my texting buddy and I confessed about my feelings so we aint talking atm. 30. Enough with the kisses gdi. 31. I think so. 32. Way too many. 33. Obviously not. 34. No but a guy said I have pretty nice legs. 35. Well fuck seriously. For the fucking last time. 36. Erhhh yes for this year because I was busy and stressed out and my emotions were messed up. Had a great valentines day last year though, even though I’m not friends with one of the girls anymore. 37. Ok fucking enough sia. 38. I dont want to disclose my name here because a lot of people know my official nickname…. some even call me by it. So Daru/Ru wld be fine. 39. No? It has been a great week my niece was born and shes an angel she farted on me the moment I carried her for the first time. 40. Yes. 41. I dont remember. 42. I dont remember. 43. I dont remember but defin8tely happened before…. maybe at home or school. 44. My dad I think. 45. Yes definitely! My new pumas. But my supras has beena long time winner. 46. My hat collection is ridiculous and yes I wear caps 70% of the time, used to be m9re though. 47. Would I ever go bald for army? I have no fucking choice. 48. Erm…. i make breakfast? 49. Erm yeah no shit. 50. Fuq.com, Youtube, google i guess…? 8 dont really use the com unless its youtube and i watch porn on my phone. 51. Many. 52. Everywhere. Especially since I just ran in the morning. 53. Really hard. 54. Coconut juice. Was with my collegues n tried to get d fresh ass coconut meat but i splashed coconut juice all over myself. 55. Rough, frizzy, but ok in general. 56. Morning routine which I’m changing to make running and cooking come first before anything else. 57. I hope so. 58. I was fucking 9 yeah so no shit. Is this post made for old people cuz I’m 20. 59. Green. 60. I guess when I see my guy friends that I dont usually meet. Close guy friends. 61. I wish I’m out of the army. 62. I dont know most prolly my fam but if its personal text I guess its Sheryl. 63. At work suffering. 64. 20 minutes to 8 good job. 65. Yea of course. My best friend. It was pretty weird but we got over it. 66. Both my best friends Sheryl and Mu. 67. No. 68. I wna masturbate but I want emotional connection with someone so desperatedly I want to cuddle with someone at night that is not my bolster I want someone to be there for me like I would for them. 69. I guess so. Dont remember but yeah. 70. My com is off.

[tbh-i-miss-u]

Im not even suppose to be this triggered. Not suppose to. It has been fine for the past month which cant it continue to be this way? Whats wrong with me?

[tbh-i-miss-u]

Its been 2 weeks since i told her. Everyone has been concerned about me pretty thankful for that and Im coping well.

But for the first time she posted something directing to me and i.... i dont know. I dont kmow what is this feeling, i just cant stop thinking about her.

I know that its exactly the same shit i said back a few days ago. Im just craving companionship. But how these stuff happen is that I've placed my friends on a pedestal and viewed them as ideal partners, even though i know that no one wants me that way.

Im as desperate as Tia, but I dont show it like she does and I condemn those feelings. I treat it as if it was those feelings that caused me to have feelings for them. But no. It was all me. It was all my fault for putting them on a pedestal. Viewing them as ideal partners just because we are good friends and me liking them a lot. I kept thinking about how good it would be to be together with them.

I still haave a lot to learn and grow and mature. I hope i do that fast enough to be immune from the pain.

[tbh-i-miss-u]

How do you get rid of feels

[tbh-i-miss-u]

What the fuck, Daryl, WhAT tHe FuCk

[tbh-i-miss-u]

As if a long day of doing minutes and dreaming about minutes is not tiring enough, both of them have to text me at the same time. I'm really tired. Really really tired.

[tbh-i-miss-u]

How could you just steal my heart and take it all for yourself.

D.F

[tbh-i-miss-u]

I don't feel good when she calls me. I don't feel good when she doesn't call me. What the fuck do I want. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT.

[tbh-i-miss-u]

I don't know why I'm dragging. I don't know why it hurts especially much today. I don't know what am I to her.

[tbh-i-miss-u]

☝ - How tall are you?

173cm

✔ - Sexual Orientation

Straight, but gay for jimin

🚬 - Do you Smoke?

Nope

🍷 - Do you Drink?

Everydsy

♒ - Do you Take Drugs?

Nope

😳 - Age you get mistaken for?

56

💉 - Have Tattoos?

Nope

✏️ - Want any tattoos?

Yes

✂️ - Got any Piercings?

Used to, closed

✌ - Want any piercings?

Yes

👌 - Best friend?

Cheryl and chermine

♥ - Do you like anyone?

Yes

🎤 - Top 5 favorite bands?

Big bang A Pink BTS GFriend

🎶 - Top 5 favorite songs?

Blood sweat tears, if you, crooked, any halsey songs

😒 - Biggest pet peeve?

Old people who don't give a fuck about being in your way even tho they know you are there and can move the fuck aside

📝 - Story from your childhood.

I was locked in a classroom when I was 6 and kids usually get scared but I was happy and played the monkey bars for 1/2 hour before calling my mum who was at work using the phone in the classroom

💬 - I wish…‼️ - Something you’ll change?

I wish to stop giving so much

💦 - What makes you horny?

Thigh high socks with short skirt

🌟 - A wish you’ll wish for?

To stop falling for the wrong people

🔥 - Something spicy you like?

Char kuey teow

👃 You hate the smell of ….

The toilet at my office

👊 - Something you hate?

Being betrayed but still having attachment issues with that person

🚶 - Are you single?

Yeah obvs

💬 - Can we text?

Who u

💌 - Fan mail me?

Yeah right as if

💍 - Marry me?

-

💘 - Be my tumblr crush?

-

💭 - Favorite foods?

Prawn noodles (vegetarian)

☀ - Story about your day.

Had close to 15hrs of sleep today thats an achievement

💘 - Top 5 celebrity crushes?

Seol hyun eunha yerin naeun jimin

🎥 - Top 5 favorite movies?

Black panther war of the planet of the apes

📺 - Top 5 favorite TV shows?

Futurama family guy rick and morty B99

✏ - Random fact about yourself.

I wna be a fashion designer

✈️ - Where are you from?

Singapore

🚀 - Where do you wanna visit?

Venice

😍 - Do you have a crush?

Yes

😷 - Something you hate eating?

French beans. Petai beans

🙈 - What makes you shy?

Girls teasing me when they are more open than me

💃 - Can you dance?

I guess

💏 - Do you love anyone?

Many times

👟 - Favorite shoe(s) to wear?

My new pumas

🌴 - A island you would visit?

Any private island with very little people

🌎 - A country you would visit?

France

🌀 - Favorite type of weather?

Gloomy, rainy and a lil stormy

🔮 - Do you believe in luck?

Yes

📱 - What kinda phone do you have?

$38 oppo phone never forget

📅 - Favorite time of the year?

When I'm not liking anybody and am happy single

📚 - Career goal you want?

Top fashion designer in singapore and to change the local industry

🍴 - Favorite food(s) to eat?

-

🍭 - Favorite Candy?

[tbh-i-miss-u]

I can't wait to tell her, but then it would be guilt tripping her. She's oblivious to everything that's happening. I'm pretty sure. It would be a huge blow to her.

[tbh-i-miss-u]

I wish that I can tell myself that it's ok. I really wish so. I wish that I wouldn't be so triggered everytime I see her texting him and I wouldn't fedl so alone, so abandoned. I'm doing everything for her and this is the first time I actually expect and want to have something in return. It hurts.

[tbh-i-miss-u]

Last night. Last night I dreamt of her. I dreamt that she questioned me why and I didn't know how to reply. Maybe I do miss her after all as much as I felt it was the right decision for me.

[tbh-i-miss-u]

me, logically: it’s never gonna happen the tiny hopeful goblin in my brain: but what if it did