taylornhall

[taylornhall]

Recent Events

Bombs away, the walls are down. They came down crashing but not making a sound. I didn’t expect it to happen like this, how could such destruction come from one little kiss? I’m terrified and hopeless, blissful and reckless. The last time this happened I was left vulnerable and alone. I worked so hard to rebuild these walls to my secluded home. I was comfortable with myself and the isolation I created, I didn’t know after three years the bricks I used would be outdated. And then there came you, crashing through without a clue what you do to me and how you make me feel like nothing could ever be better than simply being in your arms. And I know with my whole heart you would never mean any harm but I am scared still of the possibility of history repeating. My heart tries to reassure but my brain proceeds. “What if? What if?” Trust is something I don’t freely give so convincing myself to do so has been quite the tiff. But bombs away, the walls are down. I am sitting here thinking aloud of what we are and what we could be and all the other endless possibilities of you and me. <3

[taylornhall]

[taylornhall]

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[taylornhall]

I can see, can you?

I can see, can you?

Can you see all the anguish in the room?

You don’t have me fooled and you never will. You’ve never been happy even though you promise me still that you are, you always have been without me. My skin might be thick but my mind is not and I know that you glance to my left every time you lie a lot.

I can see, can you?

Can you see yourself and the image you try so hard to prove?

You poke fun and you tease. You deny all the “ridiculous” acusees that say you’re not over it not even after all these years, You deny there’s been any heartbreak or tears but that’s not the truth. And I would bet on my life that if you were to admit the truth it’d send you through the roof.

I can see, can you?

Can you see it’s really not me, it’s always been you?

The mind and mouth of an abuser will never be understood but you play it so well you almost had me fooled that it was me that was much worse off but I can see now it’s you thats miserable and full of self doubt, I don’t have to be weighed down by your games and your tricks because I can see that these years I’ve been arguing with a wall of bricks.

I can see, can you?

Can you see you made me braver and more true?

You gave me a lesson only torture can teach, that ugliness and evil can be disguised as sweet as a peach. But i’m not a young girl anymore and i’m no longer naive, I now know all the tricks you pulled from your sleeve, It was never my fault and it never will be and because you taught me that I am now free.

Thank you, I can finally see.

[taylornhall]

Cigarettes

All my life I heard people say that smoking kills you.

But it has kept me alive.

Instead of thinking of all the people I’ve let down or the worthlessness that I feel, I focus on inhaling the sweet menthol smoke. I imagine how beautiful it looks in my mouth. I imagine it traveling through my lungs slowly, then quickly escaping as I let go. I focus on how peaceful the smoke is as it floats from my mouth and silently greets the open air like an old friend. I pay close attention to the ashes slowly growing and when I flick them too into the open air, I feel as though I’ve set them free. Free from all thoughts and worries, just as I have while I take drag after drag until I’m forced back to reality.

Yes, the smoke may one day take over your lungs and your throat.

But it also took my troubles far away from my mind. A mind that didn’t really belong to me after all.

[taylornhall]