tanemiduchis

[tanemiduchis]

they finally invented an assignment thats not due tomorrow. but the problem is that my body is a machine that turns assignments into assignments due tomorrow

[tanemiduchis]

can you imagine you go to a fancy italian restaurant and before you go through the doors the doorman stops you and is like Signore Per Fevore, I Simply Must Remove Your Jacket Before You Enter and youre like well if you must, its getting a little shabby anyways and he says It Is My Pleasure Signore and then he smashes you over the head and cuts you up into little pieces for your flavour and aroma. such is the life of the humble garlic

[tanemiduchis]

[tanemiduchis]

Listening to fun cunty pop music in an attempt to feel better doesn't necessarily always work but if nothing else you can realize how fucking funny a situation you're in when you're sitting there with a thousand yard stare while your headphones are like H O T T O G O YOUU CAN TAKE ME HOT TO GO 💃 and once again absurdism wins

[tanemiduchis]

still reeling from this gem

literally screaming.

[tanemiduchis]

lestat somehow ends up having beef with taylor swift because she released the 15th version of her new album the same day the vampire lestat album came out and made it go number two on the charts. his fans are mad and they say she’s not a ‘girl’s girl’ because they think lestat is secretly using she/her pronouns. this causes MAD discourse on twitter because people say lestans (official name of his fandom) are co-opting struggles of real trans/genderqueer artists and that lestat is clearly just a cis white man who thinks his aesthetic is cool and hip with the times but he’s actually super cringe. lestat has killed his pr team so he tweets himself in response to the drama and says that mademoiselle swiftié is a perfectly fine musician but she’s basically a baby compared to his long relationship with music. swifties ratio him on twitter calling him ‘an old queen’ and ‘world’s worst father’ (this is because they read international bestseller interview with the vampire). lestat has an emotional breakdown and cries for three days and he eats his makeup artist for making him look old. his producers are desperate and they ask daniel molloy to fix him because daniel is the unofficial vampire therapist now. vampire daniel’s idea of fixing lestat is to go on a blood bender with him. somehow this works because in between victims daniel tells lestat to stop being a little bitch and grow the fuck up. here lestat understands for the first time why daniel and louis are friends and asks daniel to telepathically call louis for him because he needs him. daniel tells him to eat shit. as they return to lestat’s shack (yes he still lives there when he’s not touring) they find out that swifties have doxxed him and showed up to the shack to ravage it. lestat starts crying again while daniel falls over himself laughing and records everything and posts it on tiktok. armand likes the video 0.3 seconds after it’s posted. throughout all of this louis is on a beach somewhere enjoying a quiet night, he telepathically asks daniel how lestat’s doing and daniel tells him to not even worry about it.

[tanemiduchis]

[tanemiduchis]

God the pink panther theme is so slay. Badum. Badum. Badum badum BADUM badum baduuuuuum. Ba dadada duuuum.

[tanemiduchis]

[tanemiduchis]

she lets me hit because i use his pronouns interchangeably

[tanemiduchis]

the world is so beautiful you can eat rice here

[tanemiduchis]

you don’t need a personality if you have 5,000,000,000,000 bugs

[tanemiduchis]

[tanemiduchis]

no bc fr id give up forever to touch u cause i know that u feel me somehow

[tanemiduchis]

hey guys sorry if i smiled last night. i was happy

[tanemiduchis]

the she in my pronouns is used the same as calling an emo band boy she

[tanemiduchis]

i be like “i’m fine” then shake my leg 138mph