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Lakeith fully being my hero at Union Station.
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Everything that glitters IS gold.
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Asian Mothafucking excellence, yall.
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Other top lewks of the night. I had no shame cropping out the basic women & gowns Miguel and Kobe Bryant came with. I’m here for Kristin and Brad Goreski. Lastly, all white everything giving me life before Easter Sunday.
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Men stole the show at the Oscars this year. The women did not take any risks on the red carpet with their lewks. The men came to play.
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Worst dressed at the Oscars, hands down. Although I dig the confidence to pose down on the ground. Doesn’t make up for the couch material. She just like Transformered into a couch on the red carpet.
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The Last Jedi: BTan Review (Spoilers)
Here it is: I decided to write everything out because I obviously have too many feelings to process lol #allthefeels. A movie that has already proven to be a fairly polarizing 2nd (or 9th, if we're really counting) entry into the Star Wars metaverse deserves some cathartic play-by-play analysis. After all, that's more than half the fun (and point) of being a SW fan, is it not? Obvious disclaimer for SPOILERS, and I only saw the movie once - Thursday premiere night. Without further ado... here I go. *deep Lamaze breaths.
Comparison: Empire.
Let's be honest: with an ominous title and precedent-breaking RED Star Wars logo, it was inevitable that this second entry in this trilogy would illicit endless comparison to it's predecessor - namely, Empire, the 2nd SW movie ever in the OG trilogy, which has a darker tone and is widely regarded as the "Best" SW movie ever by fans - arguably, I might add. (IMO, A New Hope is the best SW movie of all time. BUT I DIGRESS) Considering how much TFA was designed after A New Hope, for better or for worse, it would be no surprise that The Last Jedi would mirror, borrow, or dare I say steal from Empire: major elements, settings, plot lines, et al. Fans and I alike were simultaneously loathed and relieved to find that this was both true and... not true, in this case.
Let's break it down via Empire lines:
Hoth: Empire/Rebel stand-off with low-rising ships and AT-AT fighters in a cold-climate planet with snow and winter-y creatures? Check. (this time at the end, not the beginning! what a twist.)
Yoda/Luke on Dabogah: Mentor/mentee jedi "training" period that transports a main character away from central Rebel action for the majority of the movie? Check.
"I am your father": Said main character is only to return for a climatic confrontation on an Empire ship with the main villain and discover parentage? Check.
Rebel characters engage in a cat-&-mouse run from a Empire ship that tracks them (A la Boba Fett & the Worm monster in the Asteroid fields)? Check.
Reunion-Hopeful end scene: With some medical care, hand holding, smiling, and small sliver of hope left just by still being together despite all the odds? Check.
Puppet-Yoda. period.
Thankfully, nobody's hand was severed or body was carbon-frozen. (Let's not get all Starkiller Base on us again.) Elements were certainly borrowed, but I don't think it was a hammer over the head in the same way that TFA was to A New Hope. A lot of the reviews are citing how "different" and "surprising" the plot twists and storyline went, and I will give Rian Johnson credit there. This was certainly not a carbon copy of Empire because, while borrowing fairly obvious major elements - Yoda/Luke and Luke/Rey being the most - it does its own thing with them....that doesn't always work out for the best, however.
1. Dagobah vs the Island (Ach-To, or whatever.)I think a lot of us expected (and were ready for) some head-on Yoda training of Rey. Give us a training montage. Knock her to her feet, do handstands, and make her lift that X-fighter from under the ocean (Did anyone catch that down there!?). OK - we don't need the whole she-bang, but give us something. I get that Luke is in no way the same master or teacher as Yoda, and he was going through this whole crotchety old-man complex and didn't actually want to train her. But when he and the movie actually got around to it... what even happened, really? We were treated to, frankly, weird and beautiful but unexplained cinematographic sequences (life! death! balance? and a dark seaweed-y dark tunnel?... ultimately leading to fun with mirrors? so many Reys, so few parents). My issue with them is this whole "training" period - which is a significant if not major crux of the whole movie - is that she's not really trained at all. Luke is basically like, "You're scary, Rey. ...OK, I'll watch you swing around my light saber." Like, what? I feel like the trailer gave the same level of impact of Rey's whole training on that damned island. She goes there, she gets trained eventually, and then she's a stronger Jedi - excuse me, er, "Force User." The movie really dragged its feet with this, and not in a satisfying way to me.
In Empire, you were on Dagobah forever but were enraptured by Luke's fear, frustration, and mystery over the force and his training (not to mention the charm of puppet-Yoda, bless him). Here, I couldn't wait to get off the island. I feel like I was stuck on LOST. Nothing was happening, the main mystery was "What Did Luke REALLY DO to Ben?", Rey talked to Kylo Ren a lot, Rey and Luke stalked each other... and - perhaps most insulting of all - our entertainment/comedic relief was pulled out of admittedly cute but pretty ridiculous creatures. More on all the creatures below, but for now: I'm anti-porg (hated all the random noise placements), and pro-caretakers - cute and funny. BUT - do you see what I mean? How was this adding to anything? We were charmed and entertained by Yoda and Luke all on their own as characters - their dynamic, struggles, values taught, etc. Here, it was like... welcome to the Island! We're, here... on the island. There are cute things and some mysteries. Train yourself Rey and leave as you like. See what I mean? Similar to Empire, but... not really, or at all, a better or improved version just by being different from it.
The saving graces are Daisy and Mark Hamill, who deliver strong and captivating performances as expected. Sadly, it's the writing and script here that fail them. Point is: this is a major/the plot point of this movie, Rey's training and answers as a Force User. Sure- what's happening with the Resistance is important, but the mythology and magic of this SW story is getting built with Rey. While necessary to bring her to the island with Luke, I just think our time there was a bit wasted. Too much "lemme follow Luke" ... "lemme follow Rey"... "oh look, another Porg!" *holds head in hands.
2. Rebels vs The ResistanceMeanwhile - because this movie, as SW movies are apt to do, requires a lot of Meanwhiles - the Resistance is stuck. They're out of fuel, tracked by the Empire after a mission, and getting clipped down. ...totally sounds familiar, right? In Empire, they run and hide - but get caught. They had the benefit of a budding romance with Han & Leia, and chemistry between them all - Chewie included. Here: they try to run, but are stuck. My issue is what they do to make it different this time, instead of Astroid Fields and a Cloud City: I guess they went with "A Codebreaker" and "Political Mutiny."
I have to admit: it must be really challenging to figure out to do with the Rebel/Resistance story arc. I'm sure when they sat down to write this script, they thought "OK: while Rey is off being important, what can we give the Resistance to do and make it fun, compelling, and just as consequential?" -Sadly, I think they really struggled here. It becomes the major middle of the movie, which just drags. Here was their solution: Introduce 3 new characters; go on adventures; solve the problem, and combine the plotlines. go.
First, as I'll discuss below with the Crowded Cast, the new characters (with the exception of Kelly Marie Tran) don't really amount to any new, exciting chemistry. It's less of a family, and more of a clusterf*ck to figure out what to do next... and then some.
Second: The Go on Adventures part was, simply put, random. Finn and Rose's romp to the casino land was a great plug/opportunity for a Mos Eisley Cantina - feel, not to mention pretty incredible wardrobe and set design. I felt mesmerized watching that first long shot of the casino: over the top, significant attention to detail, and fabulous. I do like the backstory we get on the planet's riches from sales to the Empire. Still, those are the highlights, but its all... random. and very quick. I don't want something to just "be a highlight" - it should have some purpose and add to the story. Otherwise, we're in prequel territory (Naboo is beautiful! ...so what?) The rest: "Find the Codebreaker" mission, randomly given by Maz - just seemed silly, and they didn't even manage to make contact with mustached Justin Thoreaux - settling for Benicio Del Toro in jail. Again, all random, and all just kinda like... ok, *shrug*, I'll just go with this? I know that's the spirit of SW - being a ragtag crew that just "figures it out" as you go. Here, however, they give a lot of twists and turns that your head is in a tailspin. They're in the casino, then in jail, but now they're riding creatures, but they got caught, but DJ saved them, but then he sold them out...? You're left feeling like, Wow. what was the point of that at all.
Meanwhile... Mutiny is afoot! Admiral Holdo vs Poe for control. Like I'm saying, it's all just like... so what? They're stuck in space and they need a solution, so Poe waits on one while Holdo pursues another one. It really feels like a placeholder, one that I think they just didn't need to develop all that much- yet, develop they did. They threw in so many twists into this plotline that felt unnecessary: we're abandoning ship?! oh - there's a planet down there? wait - leia's awake? no, wait - they're shooting us all down?... it felt like a waste of time. Sure, show them in struggle against the Empire, but let's move on. (Here, I'd like to note this movie is 2 hours and 30 minutes. that's LOTR territory, yall - not in the good way. Like, yikes.)
To summarize the Empire talk, I think they borrowed many checkpoint facts but didn't change them in truly effective ways. Let's be honest: the Empire framework is one we were all thinking about going into this. Below are more reasons why I think this movie's approach was successful... or not.
Crowded Cast.
Any true fan will tell you why the OG trilogy is the best: chemistry. Carrie, Mark, and Harrison had on-screen spark that continues to last 40 years later. All they had was droids and a walking carpet in Chewbacca as successful, impactful sidekicks (...forgetting the Ewoks, mind you.) We didn't need more. Even when Lando shows up, it's not a big deal - because it feels natural.
Characters aren't just being thrown in and added just for the sake of more characters. (If they are, it's for some plot point or twist that really pushes things along. Lando case in point: Empire needed a double-agent to get Han carbon-frozen & bring Luke out of Dagobah to encounter Vader, get hand cut off, hang from a Cloud City antenna, etc.)
I really thought in TFA, we were building to just that kind of "family" power. In our trio this time around, I think it was a solid effort at re-emulating what once was - The jokes and "banter" in TFA was believable, and you liked them as a crew. A family.
Unfortunately, this is less like a family of a cast than ever before; It's more meta, like: Here's this conflict in space that obviously involves hundreds of characters. Let's give each of them a little spotlight. There really is just too, too much going on character-wise. I'm just going to go at this bullet style with all the ancillary characters, because I have all of the complaints.
General Hux: admirable attempt to emulate Tarkin, but given way too much screen-time as if he actually matters. I think he's funny in the "evil" role - but that encapsulates my problem with it entirely. you should not be funny, or "evil" with g-d quotes around it. (Also, he's Bill Weasley. Like, just train your dragons.)
Snoke: NO. Why? Where's his story? Who is he? WHAT is he? He's just an <insert here> CGI bad guy from nowhere? What - were those scars that looked just like Anakin's head scars just to F*** with SW fan theories?! There are plenty of bad guys in the SW universe that have Force powers and came out of nowhere. Like, who is Count Dooku, even. But I'm even fine with Dooku. This is like decades after the Emperor has fallen, and now "Snoke" rules the world... we def need a little more than just a gold f***ing kimono.
Captain Phasma: Fail. What an absolute waste. She could've been a cool, deep, fun character. Give her way more screentime over Hux. Instead, we get two lousy fights and a shot of Brienne's eye... like, *applause for your death?
Emo Kylo Ren. Sorry, reviewers: this is NOT a spectacular show of acting. This is bratty, brooding boy turned young man all wrong. I get it, I know -- this shows how darkness is complex and conflicting and not one side of the coin, I get that. Despite that, he still comes off as an impish child. Like, King Joffrey status. (Does that change anyone's mind?!) I don't care that he has great hair and "broods" well. Snoke's dialogue with him is the only thing I like about the two of them: "Take that stupid mask off your face." "You're nothing but a child." Very, true. That's the character. I shouldn't be able to make fun of the darkest evil and now supreme leader in that way. (...then again... Trump.)
Overall, I have been incredibly disappointed with the dark side in this new trilogy. Not menacing, threatening, or even "dark" at all. Throwaway characters. The fact that it can basically be made a joke - Emo Kylo Ren on SNL; Hux's ridiculous flailing and fails - is telling. Now, the light side:
Admiral Holdo: more like Who, doe? Laura Dern is an incredible actor, and she was very underutilized here. Very few lines of dialogue to sink her teeth into, and the whole Mutiny situation all passed by in what felt like an inconsequential flash. I feel like her inclusion was not necessary at all. It felt very Battlestar Galactica-y: commander of a rival ship comes, creates political conflict. She's also completely out of place with that hair and wardrobe... I get you commanded another ship, but aint nobody else on the Resistance looking like that. She looked more suited to the casino.
DJ. again, who? Benicio Del Toro, another fantastic actor, underutilized in a way that demonstrates he prob shouldn't have been used at all. His stuttering was pretty insulting and not charming like I guess they thought it would be. I'm guessing he has some double-agent turn to play in episode 9 (I guess as the Lando addition), but he certainly didn't add any value to this cast or story whatsoever.
Maz Katana: Well, that was funny, but random. Another wasted resource in Lupita Nyongo.
Rose. saving grace of the movie! Anyone knows I'm the first to shout about inclusive representation in entertainment; giving an Asian-American nerd such a highlighted role was fantastic. and not just b/c shes an Asian-American Nerd; just because she was fantastic in it. She's also 28, so she's just like me. That's empowering and awesome to see. Totally emulated the Rey, Finn, Poe trio dynamic-chemistry we got in TFA. Sadly, she's the only one we really got it from, other than:
Finn and Poe. sorry, they go in together because they really didn't give me much this time around. A lot of snappy dialogue and jokes that mostly landed. I'm disappointed, because I was ready to see that TFA chemistry continue and build. It mostly just remained stagnant, which isn't development to me. Also, I guess they're supposed to be main characters, but why didn't it feel that way? In TFA, they had an excuse - this was all just starting, and they had star power in Harrison, Daisy and Adam Driver to share screen time with. Now, I really feel like I needed them to step up as movers in this story - the same way Han was. Sadly, script and writing spread their power potential across far too many others.
Basically: it's crowded. It's like double the cast with half the punch. It's part of why I criticized Rogue One: ensemble cast that seems thrown together, just for the sake of being together. I think Laura Dern and Benicio Del Toro, hands down, just should not have been added. I'm hoping they can revitalize the familial feel we got in TFA in episode IX; I think we will, now that we got that reunion scene and JJ will be back.
Separately, the OGs:
Leia. the movie did an incredible job bidding her adieu. Luke's reunion with her sends chills down my spine. "No one's ever really gone." She's reportedly not in IX at all, so I'm sure they'll have her pass peacefully.
Luke. By contrast, I think his death was anti-climatic.
Puppet-Yoda: was skeptical on his re-appearance, but leave it to Frank Oz to put you back at total Yoda-zen ease. His lines on failure particularly hit home for me, and it def maintains the heart of SW here: the empathy and hope, in the face of loss and despair, really is what matters.
Is this still Star Wars?
One of the more shocking allegations by angry twitterverse is that this movie "RUINED" SW, and that this "isn't a SW movie at all." Especially saying this is worse than Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones! Can it be? I ultimately have to disagree. There are light sabers, the Force, Luke and Leia, spaceship battles, and droids. Also, it splits characters/storylines up in stupid ways on "adventures" that all eventually pull together and make sense (we guess). it's DEF still SW.
I do see their point, however. SW is a space battle/family drama, but you can't help but feel it's pull into different territories on this one. For one, I mentioned the Crowded Cast issue. My most immediate comparison on this one is Battlestar Galactica: stellar ensemble cast & chemistry, with very similar cat-&-mouse chases from the bad guys in space. Sadly, I just don't think SW is built for this kind of meta-character building. That's my main critique for this feeling less "SW".
Second: The chemistry. The humor, comedic relief, and jokes. I mean, where are we going with these? I'm mostly okay with a lot of the "easier" funny moments, because there are a lot of those in the OG trilogy; all it took was one Chewie growl to get us going. I'm glad they didn't do away with them completely - this is still mass entertainment after all. However, I do think they simply went overboard on this one. Ex: The milked BB-8's abilities way too far; is he really capable of taking out multiple humans? It felt a little like Guardians of the Galaxy but with a lot less natural comedic punch. Again, I credit that to chemistry and the crowded cast: there wasn't a lot of opportunity to build much on what was created in TFA. We got it out of Rose, Poe and Finn in limited doses; not much else. Otherwise, we were given a lot of Porgs. Please, let Jar Jar and Ewoks be a lesson of late.
The Last Jedi is totally a SW movie; however, it does admittedly feel different. I would say it feels stretched. Strained. A little frenetic & confused. It does all find itself by the end, but rather than all that being "Ah, The Plan All Along," it feels more like... "Oh, thank god they got there."
Action Sequences
One way it is totally SW, however, and I'm glad they did this justice: epic light saber battles. This struck a golden, perfect balance between the aerobatic, choreographed prequel fights to the more raw, emboldened OG trilogy fights that focus on face and grit. The climax fight is one to behold and is going down in the pantheon as one of the best, likely a top 5. Snoke's chamber and that red backlight is fantastic - ominous, bloody. A little shocked by how good those guards were; where the hell did they get trained? I'm sure we'll get more Kylo vs Rey in episode IX. Rey, thank god, has stepped up her game - treating it like an actual sword instead of a heavy hammer to drag. (But do you see what I mean about there being too much going on this entire movie? I totally forgot that Kylo Ren even had a crossguard lightsaber. like, completely.)
The space sequences are, as predicted, breathtaking and exciting. Wouldn't expect less. In the middle "we're out of fuel!" part of the movie, it does just feel like being stuck on a chess set piece; that's claustrophobic, but not really in the captivating way here. Not like Gravity. More like... I got tired of playing chess and left the board overnight & forgot it was there for a week. and i dont care.
Cringe-worthy.
There were truly a lot, like a lot, of cringes here. These are undeniable, in fact, and simply cannot be done away with. The movie lives with them forever. *sucks teeth*
Floating Leia. NOOOOO. (please send me every meme ever). This is obviously a very polarizing decision. Personally, I think they should've cut that entire segment and left it on the cutting room floor. Kylo Ren doesn't need to get close to shooting her; she doesn't need to be asleep; hell, there didn't need to be a Laura Dern or any Mutiny, imo. She could've hit her head in an explosion and been in a brief coma, if ANYTHING. Idk. It was a lot. Esp considering Carrie has passed, it felt... super, really, uncomfortably weird. Therefore, I will rewind that scene x100 times. (It's up there with "Anakin, you're breaking my heart! You're going down a path in which I cannot follow!" also, I cannot believe they killed Admiral Ackbar with such little grace as that. Offended.)
Blue Milk. What might be a charming easter egg to some was really just a funny-disturbing, horrifically-cringey moment. Luke Skywalker on his knees, sucking down milk from the Tittie-Testicles of a bantha creature in its crotch, spilling it onto his scraggly beard. humiliating. this is not the master jedi I'm looking for. I want to unsee that immediately.
Mirror, mirror. maybe some people thought it was cool. maybe its deep, insightful, or artistic in some way idc to know about. I just dont care. It was giving me Mirror of Erised vibes from Harry Potter, which felt stupid and went totally unexplained. *snap, snap!
Emo-Bitch Moaning: on behalf of Hux and Emo Kylo himself. So many lines, I can't even dredge up from memory just yet, they're that painful. Greatest hit: Kylo bitching "YOU SHOULD BE!" or something equally bitch-worthy to ghost-Luke during their fight. groan.
Benicio Del Toro's stuttering: painful and offensive. of no value.
Rose's "kiss" of Finn. Ouch.
-Creatures
There were, simply, a lot of creatures this time around. Here's some reactions to the greatest hits:
Porgs: I'm decidedly anti-Porg. I wish Chewie ate that roasted one in front of their crying faces. I also can't believe they started burrowing into the Falcon; the disrespect! Please swat them off the drawing board for episode IX, JJ. Unlike Ewoks and even Jar Jar, they added absolutely nothing to the story. Keep it purposeful, not random, please.
Caretakers: cute and hilarious. random.
Canto Bight riding creatures: They look like Voldemort. Actually a cross-breed of Dobby/house elves and Voldemort. Disturbing. (also, why all this Harry Potter crossover!?) random.
Ice Foxes: Cute, pretty, again very random and barely added anything of value.
One can't help but see the commercial angle in throwing the kitchen sink in with these creatures: they're automatic money machines to cash in on Christmas plush toys, not to mention drawings, books/resources to develop in on their stories/backgrounds, etc. Creatures are also a hallmark of SW. Again, though, you can't help but feel like it was a bit overdone here. I hardly remember any creatures from TFA, other than the octopus. (See? That was a fun adventure - and we met Han that way.)
Cliffhangers/Theories
It just seems hard to believe, however, that Rey and Kylo aren't TWINS to Han and Leia. How could they be otherwise connected so strongly and randomly? Just one fight in the snowy woods, and they've got psycho-powers to each other? I guess it could just be a coincidence of their Force powers. High midichlorian count, holla.
I'm still banking on the Kenobi theory myself: why else bring Ewan and Alec Guiness's voices from the grave for her TFA dream? Help us Rey Kenobi - you really are our only hope.
Conclusion
If you read this far, you need to get a life - much like myself. Ultimately, my word on The Last Jedi is: B. OK. Idk! I think there was a lot riding on this movie: It was going to determine how a huge leg of this new trilogy was going to continue and be as an identity, really. TFA did a beautiful job building the legwork, and Last Jedi was both a surprise and let down in many ways. You can't snuff the highlights that made it shine: Canto Bight's casino, the light saber duels, Daisy and Mark, and Kelly Marie Tran. It just needed a lot of editing, which it clearly didn't get enough of at it's running time. The Cringes shoot down at this film significantly.
Most importantly to me: Part of what makes SW fantastic isn't exploding ships and sword fights; plenty of movies have just that. What makes us fans is the draw of their mythology, continuing/evolving story, and feeling like we're on-board with the "Family" of characters we love the whole way through. It's why I love many installments of Final Fantasy, LOST, Battlestar Galactica, and GOT: it's character-based, character development that gets breathtaking. I think Last Jedi may have lost the heart of that, by nature of feeling random, sloppy, and going too long without going much of anywhere. I'm certainly glad to be off the island and out of that awful Chess-like impasse between their spaceships. Moments with Yoda and Luke separately were strong and kept the heart of SW. Still, there were just a lot of choices... too many polarizing choices. the kind you can't come back from, and that really get the movie off the swing of things.
I will obviously be re-watching and contemplating for weeks to come. Ah, to be a SW fan! Feels good. (and a little sad, but good all the same).
#star wars#the last jedi#star wars the last jedi#sw#swfan#episode iii#star wars review#the last jedi review#swnerd#swfanatic#star wars fan#star wars fanatic#daisy ridley#adam driver#mark hamill#the force#may the force be with you#the force awakens#millenium falcon#movie review#film review#the last jedi reaction#porg#kelly marie tran#rose tico#rey
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name a more iconic top 3. i’ll wait.
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current mood... ugh.
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d’oh.
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current mood.
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that hair is literally peRFect
Roger Federer by Mauricio Paiz.
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