tamraisthinking - Tumblr blog

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“Acceptance”

tossed by symptom waves powerless but still I thrash except we are one

6 months into this maddening illness!

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KEXP

sound explodes into color, hope, sacred presence. i am not alone

For Cheryl Waters and all of the inspiring KEXP DJ’s & crew! And of course inspired by Sound and Color by Alabama Shakes because Brittany Howard is incredible :D

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Maranatha

with breath I summon sacred space, already here, i am being breathed

inspired by principles of Centering Prayer and by wonderful free yoga nidra from Ally Boothroyd!

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2 AM finds me exhausted but not sleepy come day, it’s all worse

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i can’t believe how time melts the days one by one rests and breaks from rests

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buried in endless fatigue and nothing to do but wait for healing

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undefined

I’m so sorry, I wish you weren’t stuck. The espresso brown moth hangs in a thick, sticky web trap. I’m stuck too. I whisper to her. Trapped by an invisible illness that COVID left binding and suffocating my nerves and brain. 

Like the moth beating her wings ferociously, I fight and claw at the tightly clinging illness. There has to be a way out of this. But the harder we try, the tighter our trap grabs and clings at more and more of us. Her wings tearing apart with her effort. My energy hemorrhaging with each desperate attempt for freedom and health. I’m so sorry, I wish we weren’t stuck. 

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how i feel is 💩 Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, 💩! can’t believe this 💩

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Bright fruit tickles tongue Pineapple and blueberries Sticky sweet smile beams

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Ideas splinter Creativity cries out Smothered by brain fog

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Restless but wiped out Thoughts tumble into thick fog How do I rest here

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Working on this project helped me sit with the loss of my job as a family medicine doctor and huge destabilization in my life that I'm experiencing due to long COVID/postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS). And to cultivate hope! My concentration/focus is limited due to symptoms of brain fog so I'm really thankful I was able to work on this in my better moments.

I also like the idea of this stethoscope as a broader symbol of composting much/most of the medical industrial complex into something that is nurturing and healing for all of us. Including marginalized folx and BIPOC people, and healthcare providers and caregivers, and integrative, holistic medicine. Instead of primarily nurturing insurance companies and pharmaceutical corporations at the expense of the health and wellbeing of the healthcare workforce and many patients.

With love and hope for the future and an open heart to keep sitting in the shit, Tamra

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Family

I am held by you When invisible illness Tries to drag me down

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i nourish the trees tethered in luscious breath bond and they nourish me

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Dear Body

Nourishing, holding Gentle care and attention Listening to you

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Do I feel normal? Most days it’s so clearly: NO But how will I know?

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Forgetting normal Now just foggy and broken My body hijacked