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my bf is always making fun of me for being short but my roommate is letting me borrow his bighuge platforms and now im 6’2... the tables are about to turn little man

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No one:

Cats when they love someone:

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my perfect crime? I memorize the entirety of the macy’s store inventory. I then go on aliexpress.com and find exact replicas of every single purse in the store. I break in at 3am, and replace every purse with a cheaper version of the purse. I take my real purses home and open up an online store on the darknet featuring fake purses. I then sell these real purses as fake purses, making it so that when the feds catch on to my antics, they spend countless years trying to figure out who can replicate purses this well, and who is selling them. Soon an entire division of the FBI is dedicated to finding me and figuring out how my “fake” purses appear to be real. 45 years later they finally trace my ip address and break into my villa in texas and shoot me right in the leg when i attempt to flee. While this would normally not be a fatal wound, due to my constant devotion to my online fake real purse storefront i have suffered an iron deficiency for 35 years. My blood can’t clot and I start to bleed out. Turns out the woman who shot me was a girl who i made out with once in college, and she holds my dying body in her arms and asks me how my fake purses were so real. I spend the last moments of my fleeting life telling her about how every five years i break into a different Macy’s and replace all the purses, and that the purses I have been selling online for a severely discounted price were actually all real, and I have been doing this purely for the gag of it all. When my former college girlfriend gets home from work after rightfully murdering me for my crimes, she goes into her walk in closet, looks at the 13 gucci purses she owns, and realizes that they’re all fakes.

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the hot new tv trope…bottom storage.  

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Oojka wamma po Jen'kiwi. Biig Woopa slemmy dengo peet

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me thinking up an insane plot element and hyping myself up for the nonexistent cartoon that lives in my brain

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bro come get ur boy he just said "confuzzled" in front of the hoes

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imagine water didnt reflect shit n was clear always and you could look at the ocean from above and see literally every huge fucky looking thing that lives in it no matter how deep. you fly over the pacific once and never sleep again for the rest of your life. its really the little things that make this planet habitable huh

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A PSA 💖💜💙

(Last image via @fuckyeahbiguys)

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what is your most controversial video game hot take? 🎮🎮🎮

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2020 will be a good year

Cause it's two natural 20s and that means whatever you'll do, you'll do with success

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Literally any continuity “error” that involves Spock can be explained away by the fact that he is a fucking liar

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They removed mymble for no good reason and i won't forgive them for it

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top 5 tumblr raps of the decade

5. cowboy rap

4. underwater monk

3. slurp on my gurt

2. bone removal, without approval

1. my dick don't work

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We think of Donald’s anger as his defining trait, but truly it is his kindness