talesforthetoken

[talesforthetoken]

Damn, it's been a while since I've been on.

All those feelings about my last boy have been wasted on a single night with my friends. I'm glad I chose them. I'm glad I accidentally banged my friend. I'm glad we're together now and still friends. All my past relationships required me to isolate myself, now I'm part of a group. It's very comforting. It's been a while since I've felt at ease and accepted.

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Marilyn Monroe photographed by Milton Greene, 1953

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Film Photography by Tamara Lichtenstein

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Eclectic Moleskine Drawings by Pat Perry

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[talesforthetoken]

Who the fuck says "eek?"

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Barely posting

Me: I'll make a vlog for my 1,000th post in my main blog.

Me: Just likes everything instead of reblogging.

Me: Gets out camera to vlog a month later.

Camera: I'm dead lol. c:

My main tumblr: I'll just be inactive forever.

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Susan Peters in a publicity photo for Random Harvest (1942)

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[talesforthetoken]

Okay.

Now that I have a stable relationship and I'm able to live comfortably, I feel happier. I am constantly in good company, I am cared for, and of course having the essential materials for living available to me. 

However, this person I have recently connected with is new to me all around. We haven't known each other very long, and I'm afraid that my curiosity is what is attracting me to him. We deeply enjoy learning about each other; we hardly have a moment of silence. But..what happens when we're up to date? When the "newness" wears off?

Also, he is moving soon. It's not that long distance relationships aren't worth it or anything like that, believe me. My problem is that I have played this waiting game over and over again. Obviously, it hasn't been working out for me. Though, this person really has proven his "worth." He genuinely cares about me and loves me. I love him back, but I am not in love. I love that he treats me so well.

I'm terrified of losing this connection. Not to mention my roommate and I still have feelings for each other. Starting something beautiful with someone wonderful, and letting it end due to anxieties and fears... is something I wish to avoid.. 

But...

I don't want to be hurt. 

I don't want to hurt anyone.

I want everything to just be okay..

And there's no way of assuring that everything, will in, fact be okay.

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(Julian Landini)

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7666002 by ~vergvoktre

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That stupid moment where you post pictures on your main blog and leave this one dry.

I'll put up the same photoset today on here (:

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I have a boyfriend.

Okay, so none of my texts on here are positive. Sorry about that, guys. 

For some background: I've dated 1 person for 3 years, another for 3 years, and my last person for 1 year. All of which were on and off at some point, so there were short relationships in between. Now that I understand my sexuality, my gender identity, and my sexual behavior I feel a lot more confident and comfortable in expressing my sexuality. This is a great thing, but I'm also having issues with understanding sex as a sacred thing. I lost the person I lost my virginity to rather quickly (because of parents) and just felt like maybe it didn't matter as much as society makes it out to be.

Because of this I generally avoid relationships. I don't appreciate the bad reps and drama publicly establishing a relationship brings. My partners usually fall before I do and I feel pressured to do the same and can't. I don't like being rushed. I'm pretty good at keeping my feelings out of the way, but sometimes it's impossible.

TL;DR- I hate dating, but I sometimes do it.

I've recently met someone who I can't help but adore. I'm falling in love for the first time in quite a while. It's a little ironic because I previously mentioned being afraid of never falling in love again. Go figure. Anyways, I'm happily monogamous and it's pretty awesome. 

He's a lot like myself and we have a lot in common; more so than I ever imagined. He has all the personality traits that I look for in a mate, not to mention his physical attractiveness.

On our first date, I dressed pretty casually. But, he thought I looked extra good and couldn't stop commenting on it. Like, what the hell is this? A tee shirt, shorts, sneakers, and goggles with my hair and face done? I don't get how that's "dressed/dolled up," however I was flattered. No one has ever complimented me so much when I am literally dressed in a way that I personally like. As in, I liked the way I looked- not too plain but not dressy or anything. He wasn't particularly dressed up either, in a way our  casual and grungy style matched. It was adorable. 

My confidence and ego are 100% boosted. 

Another thing I want to fangirl about is how we've been on 2 dates. Although, we hang out at each other's houses and just do trivial things and have a blast just being around one another. If he looks my way I'll smile, and he'll smile back. It's great to make someone happy by being happy.

Tumblr, I don't think you understand how long it's been since I've had such chemistry with someone.  It has been so long since I've been this happy. 

There is a catch, though.

He's moving in a month.

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This probably is the end of my high-blog.

I'm not planning on smoking anymore, so this blog seems rather pointless. I need to stop and move on with my life. Because I have only uploaded gifs and haven't even bothered to edit the videos, I'll just forget about them. 

Also, I've posted pretty emotional things on here. I suppose I can use this for that purpose. I don't like clogging my main account with my depressing or possibly abstract thoughts.The theme of my blog is dark- the depths of my mind and what I feel. 

Sorry to take the humor out of this blog, but it will still be up just as a place to post my honest thoughts and things of that sort. 

[talesforthetoken]

I have the wrong no