tales-from-the-containment-unit

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

Project moon shitposts brainstormed by me and my friend 13 (Masterpost)

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

dante: what’s the name? the ligmas company

vergilius: it’s the limbus comp– 

dante: ligmas balls 

charon: [drives the bus directly off a cliff]

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

dante and vergilius get divorced and then they kiss and remarry then divorce then kiss then remarry then divorce th

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

Emil Sinclair: I. FUCKING. HATE. THIS. TEAM

My teammates and manager make me dance with the maracas while they stand back and shout go white boy go

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

Roland: How do I tell Yesod that I want him to yell at me like he’s Gordon Ramsay and I'm a poor little chef who just ruined a crème brûlée?

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

Gebura: I just got my bottom surgery!

Yesod: Awesome, my top surgery is in a few weeks!

Gebura: I can’t believe we’re both gay and trans!

Tiphereth: I’m a communist

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

Yesod: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby? Yesod: I want to make him a god. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin a path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us. Yesod: I also want to softhack his circuits. Roland: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again.

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

Yesod: What's this? Roland, hugging Yesod: Affection! Yesod: Disgusting. Yesod: ...Do it again.

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

Roland: I desire moisture. Yesod: Please just say "I want water" like a normal person.

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

Roland: As top in this relationship, I think we should- Yesod: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

Roland: I think I just figured something out. I got to go. Yesod: Aren't you forgetting something? Roland: Uuh...*Kisses Yesod's forehead before running out* Yesod: No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

Chesed: I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Yesod: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal. Chesed, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

Yesod: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve. Roland: I think you mean cards. Chesed: He did not. Yesod, pulling out knives: I did not.

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

Yesod: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something! Chesed: You left me, Roland, and Gebura in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago. Yesod: I did that on purpose, try again.

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

Netzach: Today at 7 am, Chesed poured a Monster energy drink in his coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing. Roland: I watched Chesed brew his coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think he ascended into the astral realm. Yesod: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.

[tales-from-the-containment-unit]

Chesed: Do you want to know your gay name? Yesod: My... my gay name? Chesed: Yeah, it's your first name- Yesod: Haha. Very funny Chesed- Chesed: *gets down on one knee* And my last name. Yesod: Oh- oh my god.