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taiessence · 3 years ago

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Beauty or Brains

Tonight, I yelled at a young man that has a deep crush on me. He is young, rude, and 22 years young. I didn’t have to yell at him like I did but for one, I’m 38. 2. These young men talk really crazy. It’s like they think they own you. Well is that a men thing? Tonight, I didn’t want to be bothered and just wish to walk my dog without any interference. But here is a male vying for my attention. He’s gonna talk to me anyway he see fit and say anything to get my attention. “Let me see my DOG” “OH you not talking.”.

This is a young man that I have reached out to and he don’t take my offers. I text him and he leave me on seen yet when he’s outside with the bros, he got some smart shit to say to me. Oh gawd it grinds my gears. Just simple people.

I know if I looked my age these young men would respect me more. Gift and curse thing. I decided to take my picture off of here because immediately I get a DM. I have military sexual trauma and going to the VA hospital without sexual harassment is rare. So cat-calling, men trying to talk to me in a “oh your’e so Hooot”, really triggers some PTSD for me. Men that talk to me like I’m a human is what I go for. You know, a “Hello” or “what’s up”, is okay for me.

Most people think I’m in my late twenties. It’s a gift and curse. Men from 16 to 75 has hit on me in one day. Now I’m no freaking Naomi but hey they like it and love it. I just like to be left alone or engage in enlightening conversation or laugh. Pretty much it. I love to flirt and really miss flirting. I was a HUGE flirt in my twenties and today I rarely flirt. I think it’s somewhat sad. Covid-19, plays a part, my absence from facebook and IG too.

I’m very introverted on top of lack of trust with people makes me the type that always carry my Airpods to block out people talking to me, tonight I wish I had them.. I like to call them men blockers. Anything that can distract me from not being distracted by them. Tonight I lost my cool and not happy about it. I don’t like my space to be terrorized by a foreign enemy, I mean person with toxic energy. I love a great convo and a simple Hello.

I wrote on here one time and became discouraged. I wish to be taken seriously and all aspects in my life. When I was in my twenties I used my beauty for an advantage. I was taken advantage ALOT, used, and most people believe that pretty people are just plain stupid. Did I turn down the bartender job at the strip club because I felt I was better? Yes. Do I regret it? Yes. Damn I was young and wished I did it but I was living for people back then. Different periods in my life I would try to hide my beauty to be taken serious. Then I learned that my beauty can help with many things like a promotion at work and making friends.

I became increasingly popular during these years and I participated in what many others wanted. I wasn’t around a group of people that worked on personal creative goals. These types was the type that go to work and that’s it. I mean when your’e making 6 figures and a comfortable life in the DMV what can you say? I partied, shopped, ate at lavish restaurants and tried to travel as much as I could. I was deeply miserable and wasting money left and right.

I could not write a sentence from scratch if I needed to. My creativity was lacking. The same years I went through my creativity surge was the same years I stop worrying about being popular. I remember my phone literally screaming Friday nights with at least 20 people asking me what the hell I’m doing. Now I think maybe 10 people check on me possibly quarterly to see if I’m alive because I’m on my no social media kick. When in reality I’m on reddit, twitter, and here. Just a place that I can hide out and don’t have to live up to any one expectations.

Back then, every step was made to ensure my friends, associates, and some random neighbor next door was pleased with me. The years went by and reaching my early thirties the social fauxness of it all was suffocating. Now today, at 38, I know my beauty and youth is here for a little while longer and thank GAWD I am a proud indigenous copper toned woman. I have seen some signs of age especially by my chin and mouth area but hey I’m learning to accept. We all have to accept age if we’re blessed to get to it. I’m more into my wisdom, leaving things behind for my kids, and also dealing with my own issues. Let’s not say we don’t. I have my strengths and my challenges are my issues.

So now as I grow and self reflect on my own, the men issue has became worse. This guy tonight, mouthed off, “YOU ARE NOBODY,” repeatedly. Like he really believed him chanting that was gonna make me go in my house and say, “I’m nobody”? Wow. Funny. What is funny is this young man tried to break me down because in my scarf, oil stained shirt and baggy jeans I walk around like I’m Queen Me, because I know I am. That is something that has nothing to do with looks or beauty because self confidence is a strength.

I hate how 90% of men talk to women. I’m single and talk to one guy that takes it slow and guess what? He knows how to talk to me. I have a small circle of friends and don’t need to popular. Never liked being popular because I can’t think. My career will carry without exposing myself. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a good bootie shot selfie. I’m a Libra dammit. But with my art, I want to be heard or be distracted by anyone trying to hit on me and not read a damn word I wrote. I take brains for the win.

#beauty brains women selfconfidence

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