#~there's nothing that I wouldn't do I'll find my way back to you; Brooks | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

armpirate · 2 years ago

Text

UNDER HIS SKIN || JJK || Ch. 18

Pairings: tattoist!jk x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, friends to lovers, tattoo au, virgin reader.

Summary: They say there are two versions for every story, and it's important to hear both of them. Everybody is hearing your side of the story, but it's just fair to get to know his.

After breaking up with his girlfriend, the only thing he wanted was to have fun with no attachment. You wanted to get rid of your virginity, and he wanted to tick you off his list. What he didn't expect was getting so emotionally attached to you that he would regret the deal.

Warnings: Oral sex (Female and male receiving), dirty talk.

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

I park my motorbike near the entrance, placing the stand properly so I can make my way inside with no worries. Although, as soon as I cross the door, Brooke opens her eyes wide, fixing them on my hair.

—New look? —she teases me.

—Hmm —I nod—. Bad decisions you take at shit something in the night —I take a seat at one of the stools over the counter—. I'll probably tint it back to black soon.

—What can I get you? —she raises her eyebrow, while both of her hands rest on the surface and her body bends slightly.

I know perfectly what she's trying to do, leaning slightly so I can see her cleavage. Although my eyes never meet the flesh under her collarbone -actually, my eyes barely land on her as I ask her for a beer.

—Is Tae around? —I move around, trying to look for him myself.

—He left earlier today —she answers, as she serves my drink in front of me—. He said he was tired, and I think he also had a headache, so I'm by myself today. A little help would be fine —she was back at it again—. And since you seem to be spending so much time here lately, maybe you could join the team.

—Sure... I have nothing better to do —I mutter, holding the cold glass.

To be fair, I'm not sure why I've been coming here so often lately. Months ago, I didn't really mind it. I'd come only to pick Tae up, but I wouldn't even bother on getting inside. And I genuinely wonder if it was because I was up to no good back then, and not coming inside was a way to control myself and not ruin something Tae worked so hard for.

I think I ruined his plans enough back in Seoul, to repeat the same thing in New York...

I remember I tried to hold myself back like crazy on not trying to get inside Brooke's pants the first day I met her -and I'm aware of how hard it'd have been for Taehyung to find a waitress at her level if things had gone wrong between us, which would've been the case back then. Although, looking at her now, I can't understand why I was trying to hold back so badly. She really ain't anything special. She's hot and such, but yeah... Not a girl that could drive me insane with just a look. And definitely not someone I would ever plan to settle down with. Not because of anything especially, but whatever attraction I ever had for her only was always reduced to that type of attraction you have with someone random you meet in a bar.

Although flirting with her was fun, and exciting, it stopped being like that at some point, for whatever reason.

—Do you have any plans tonight? —Brooke asks.

—Yeah —I nod.

Sitting here, thinking Y/n could message me at any point to ask for support and help -in case she doesn't know how to do well on her date- is tonight's plan. I could be doing anything, yet here I am.

—Oh, I thought you were free —she giggles—. I was thinking that maybe we could hang out when I'm off...

Although I hear her, I'm too focused on my phone and the possible text I could get to be conscious enough to reply back. I shouldn't even help Y/n if she sends me a text. It's her date, and she should learn on her own with her mistakes. Why would I even need to help?

—Kook? —she calls my name.

—Hmm? —I finally look at her again— Sorry, I'm waiting for a text.

Brooke is almost going to speak, but she gets interrupted by a customer that seems to want to pay for her drink. My eyes go back to the drinks in front of me, filled with all the brands of alcohol that Tae likes. All of them top notch, and that's exactly why I always end up ordering a beer whenever I come.

I feel a vibration on the counter, although at first I think it could be a false alarm, like the other times I've checked my phone when it was actually somebody else's. Although this time, it's indeed my phone.

Cocktease: U awake?

I'm confused by her text. But it makes sense that she's asking that, Y/n didn't know I'd be out and about waiting for a text from her, while trying not to think of her flirting with a random guy she met on Tinder.

Me: Yeah

Me: What you up to

Cocktease: Tryin to get a cab

I frown at her reply. That date was shorter than what I expected. While I thought our conversation would evolve to a list of do's and don'ts, it ends up with me cutting it to get her location.

Me: Ill pick u up. Send location

It seems like the worst timing, too. Because right when Brooke is done with her customer, I get up from the stool and pay for my beer.

—I'll get going.

And I don't say anything else, as I make my way outside, trying to walk through the people that are reunited at the corner of the counter and the rest of people that are trying to sneak inside of the pub.

Y/n isn't too far from where I am, so I shouldn't take too long to get there and pick her up.

I park the motorbike somewhere near the place she sent me, and I look around trying to find her somewhere among all those people. Until I finally find her. She keeps checking her phone, something that makes me smile unconsciously.

She might be waiting for me.

Although I can feel my smile dropping when a guy taller than her stops near her. I guess it's the man she had that date with, because she smiles at him and replies back to what he says. I could wait. Maybe I should wait, and the next thing I'll be getting is a text from her to let me know she found a way to get back home.

Yeah... No.

I start walking to them, getting close enough to hear part of their conversation.

—Do you need a ride back home? —he suggests— I want to make up for what happened.

For what happened?

That makes me start walking faster, trying my hardest to calm myself down. I don't know what happened, so I have no reason to get angry at him.

—Don't worry —I see her shrugging

—It's not a bother for me, seriously —he insists, leaning a bit towards her.

—Shall we go? —I interrupt them, as I stop in front of them.

Y/n's big eyes land on me, surprised to see me -even if she was the one who sent me a text so I could pick her up.

—Yeah —she turns to him again—. Get back home safe.

—Can I text you again?

I hide a scoff when he drops those words, in the most desperate tone I've ever heard in my life.

—You better not —I answer for her, earning a frown from him.

Unconsciously, I wrap my fingers around her wrist, and pull from her body so we both can start walking to my motorbike. Was I too possessive of her, maybe?

—You don't even know what he did —she whispers, when we are far enough.

Of course she's going to play the devil's advocate and justify whatever crap he did back there.

—I don't need to know —I let go of her, stopping next to my back—. But if that shithead did something he needs to make up for, that's enough information.

And he should be thankful I'm not a violent person.

When I say that, I can see a glimpse of a tiny smile from her. But I don't annoy her with that, it's better to let her think I wasn't aware of how much she actually liked to hear that. Because I don't want to acknowledge how much I liked her reaction.

She hugs to my body when she gets on the bike, wrapping her arms around me tight as she lets me take the lead. At first I think of taking her home, and leaving everything there.

But what if that asshole tries to message her again? I know she wouldn't be "allowed" by the deal, but do we actually care about it that much?

It's not like we signed a professional contract, so she's still free to do whatever the fuck she wants.

That thought is even worse, because it only makes the possibility of her retaking a conversation with him bigger.

—I thought you were going to take me home —she mentions, confused, when I start in front of the garage door.

—My place was nearer —I lie—. You can stay the night —I turn my head slightly, looking at her over my shoulder—. Unless you want me to take you home.

And if that's what Y/n wants, I'll leave her there without a problem. Although it's a relief to see her shaking her head, as she smiles shyly while leaning over my shoulder.

—Where's the truck? —she questions, once she hops off the motorbike.

—It's Soo's actually —I answer, after I'm done putting everything into place—. Well, we share it.

More like I only use it when I have to do something for Mark or Soo.

—And what were you doing when I texted you?

Waiting for that text...

But I can't say that.

—The date made you so nosy all of sudden?

Y/n stops, genuinely thinking I was pissed by her question. So I try to find a way to show her I wasn't bothered at all by it, in a way that looks natural enough so it doesn't really seem like I'm desperately trying to comfort her. I hold her hand, not feeling a tight grip around it until a few seconds after -when she's finally aware.

I don't seem to be fully aware of what i'm doing myself until I see our reflection on the elevator's mirror. And that dumb smile on my face that her tight grip caused.

Both standing at each side of the metallic cubicle, we're preparing to an uncomfortable silence -that I can't seem to allow from happening, while my head keeps spinning around what her date told her before I interrupted them.

—What did he have to make up for?

—I thought you didn't want to know —she replied back, crossing her arms over her chest.

—I didn't want to make a scene —I support my back against the wall—. But depending on what he did, I won't hesitate to go back and break his nose.

—I handled it pretty well myself, thank you —that's not an answer, and she knows it—. Well... It was nothing. He just said he doesn't want to be teaching his significant other how to do things.

I shake my head, and breathe deeply as I try to think of what she's just told me. He doesn't want to teach her things? I bet it's not that that he doesn't want to, but he directly doesn't have a fucking idea of what to actually do right. And if he said that, it probably means she told him she's a virgin? And he still managed to shame her for that.

Dumb ass.

—Purple looks good on you —she points out.

I know she's trying to distract me from what she's just said. She's probably afraid I'll end up going back to the restaurant and teach him how my knuckles feel against his mouth. Either way, it seems to be working out, because I look at myself in the mirror, before I look back at her.

—You should keep it a little longer.

Should I?

I don't really say a word when he get to my place, I just head straight to my room to get some clothes for her and hand them to her.

When Y/n comes back, she looks so sweet and cute with her figure hidden under all those baggy clothes. I really can't understand how someone would plan to ruin a date, just by being an asshole to somebody.

—I can't believe he really thought he stood a chance with you, to the point of saying that to you —I say out of nowhere, breaking the silence after she sat next to me on the couch.

I've tried to hold it in, but I just can't.

—I fucking knew you would be on that still —Y/n sighs.

—How could I not? He acted as if he were the big thing, and I'm sure he doesn't even know where his own cock is.

—Why do you care so much, anyway? I'm not seeing him again, so why make all this fuss about it? —she looks at me confused.

—He just saw you as a piece of meat to fuck.

—Isn't that what Tinder is for? —she questions back.

She doesn't say anything else after that question, but I can feel some words are stuck in her throat. She just doesn't say them. Instead, she waits a bit before she speaks again with a more calm tone.

—I'm a virgin, not dumb —she chuckles—. I know what to expect from someone I barely talked to on Tinder, and it's not like I went on that date to find the love of my life. What he said pissed me off, but he apologized. Now, can we move on from this?

Letting out a heavy breath, I move my eyes away from her, just so I can be able to think straight and ease my mind. But I don't last too long without looking at her. And it's a fact that there's something that always pulls me to her. Y/n turns to me as well, as soon as she's aware of my gaze.

—What? —she finally asks.

I look at each detail on her face, lost in trying to memorize each centimeter on it before my eyes fall on her lips.

—I'm just looking at you —I answer, looking back up into her eyes.

—I know, but why?

—Just because —I shrug.

My eyes fall back to her lips when I notice the way she slides the tip of her tongue through them, before she slightly bites them.

—Just because? —she teases me, although the question leaves her mouth with a doubtful tone.

Her lips pout slightly with anticipation, as if she were letting her inner thoughts get a tiny bit of control over her body.

And it's the hint I take to lean over her, linking her lips to mine with no foreplay, no rubbing beforehand, no teasing. Although the kiss isn't enough, I want to feel her closer. With one hand on her cheek, and the other on her waist, I pull her closer to me, until I'm able to feel her rushing heartbeat against my chest.

I'm not able to think straight just by being able to taste her, sliding my tongue in between her lips. And my mind gets filled with thick clouds when her fingers dare to dig inside the collar of my t-shirt, while her fingertips send goosebumps all over my body.

I want to feel her everywhere. I want to get all of her right now.

—I want you so bad —I break the kiss.

Although that comment seems to only encourage her more, and I'm surprised when she takes the lead and stands up. I follow her, just to be caught up in another kiss that will make us stumble all over my place until we reach my room. And the only time we decide to break it, it's because we keep tearing each other's clothes apart.

Y/n grinds her hips against mine, the rough touch of our crotches makes my dick twitch inside my boxers. And I'm afraid I won't be able to go on a little further if she keeps doing that.

She's a fucking menace. Time to switch roles.

I break the kiss again, rubbing my lips on hers, only breathing the air she's exhaling, as my forehead rests on hers. My hands move up all over her body, sliding on her back and making her arch it in consequence. Y/n keeps trying to help me with everything, but it's time for her to enjoy it, while I have my way with her. So every time she tries to sit to help me with something, I push her softly back on the bed.

—Just relax and enjoy —I place a kiss on her collarbone—. I'll make you feel good.

It's the only thing I want right now.

My body can't seem to wait to feel her body squirm, and see her face tinted with pleasure. I lean over her breasts, taking no time to lick her hard nipple, feeling the rugosity of it fighting against the wetness of my tongue. Her breath turns heavy with every kiss, lick and suck I give her. Her hands hold her sheets hard when my lips close around the hard bud, and a gasp leaves her mouth when I set it free, just to go back to the other. Arousal builds over her so desperately that she tries to grind against me again, but I put her back in place by holding her hips against the mattress.

She looks so beautiful like this. Impatient and needy.

I keep going down her body, kissing each centimeter that's available for me, tracing the line of her panties with my lips when I finally get there. I keep going down, letting the smell of her arousal intoxicate me, and making my dick twitch again in my boxers.

Y/n looks nervous and uneasy when she's aware of what I'm about to do, but I still can see how bad she wants this. It's in the way she bites her lips, and how she unconsciously spreads her legs a bit wider to give me more room.

—Move your hips up for me —I whisper, when my fingers tangle on the elastic of her underwear.

She does it with no hesitation, lifting her hips up enough to help me get rid of the only piece of fabric that's covering her now. When I look back at her again, I have to keep myself together and not jump on her like an animal. Her messy hair spread all over my pillows, her hard nipples shining under the intimate lights of my lamps, her shaky breath and the way her thighs are almost closing must be the best image I've had of someone in a long time.

—Do you want to stop? —I ask her.

Her answer isn't formed with words, but with actions. Y/n spreads her thighs a bit wider, inviting me between them. Her glistening pussy is almost screaming at me to dig my lips in her slit, but I hold back. I taste her, all the way from her knee to her inner thigh, ignoring her core to do the same thing with her other leg.

—Eyes on me all the time —I warn her, stopping on her soft mons.

For some reason, she always has problems whenever she gets too lost in the moment to close her eyes. If I want her to enjoy this, I think the best would be to direct her not to close them now.

Both of my hands hold to her thighs, while my lips spread kisses around her pussy. When I finally fix my eyes on it, I can see it glistening right in front of me, slightly clenching around nothing. I feel like a wild animal right now.

—You're so wet for me —I groan.

I slid my tongue through her slit, from her entrance I make my way up with the tip, collecting all of her juices. The metallic taste makes me eager for more as soon as they hit my taste buds. It's the best action-reaction effect.

When I finally find her clit, I spread her lips with two of my fingers, making it easier to tease her needy bud, while moving my tongue up and down. She gasps in relief when she first feels my tongue, but the moment she moans... She couldn't have done anything worse.

I attempt to slide my finger inside her tight channel, but I move my head lower so my tongue invades her. Her walls welcome me, and I can feel every reaction, everything she might want to hide, directly on my tongue. I keep moving it, slowly in circles and up and down, at the same time I move my head so my nose can rub against her clit.

Her legs tense on my finger and around my head. And when I open my eyes, I can see that she's looking at each one of my moves -just like I told her to do. And she only makes that image better when one of her hands reaches to my hair, grabbing some of my locks to keep me tight against her.

—Please, make me cum —she begs in a moan.

Fuck, I need to give her everything.

Two fingers slide into her, at the same time my mouth moves back to her clit. I barely give her time to feel empty, nor to think about anything -in general. I move my fingers up and down, finding the padded spot that makes her squirm and tremble, while my mouth and tongue keep sucking and licking her clit.

Her hips grind against my mouth and her pussy clenches so tight around my fingers, that it seems like she wants to suck them in, before she finally explodes with a loud and long moan.

I slowly give her time to get it back together, before I take my fingers out carefully and crawl over her body again, just to end up lying next to her. Although when I try to kiss her lips, she moves up and kneels next to me.

—Don't look at me like that —she smiles at me—. It's my turn to make you feel good.

I'd be lying if I say I don't want this. I'd be a huge liar if I said this wasn't the image I cummed way too many times.

She's more inexperienced than what I had up in my imagination, which makes total sense. Her moves are clumsy and insecure, as she tries to think how to take my boxers off, or how she should start. Although she starts good, making my cock shrink in the air while she spreads kisses all over my thighs until she's way too close to my crotch.

And fuck, the way she looks at me right now, as her hand wraps around my shaft... She's a fucking menace. I don't care how inexperienced she is.

Her shy and nervous dry kisses, and kitty licks on my length, turn to sensual and slow circles on my already wet tip. And I almost lose it when the warmth of her mouth closes around it, and starts taking me in slowly.

I press my lips tight, feeling her mouth closing more around me and moving faster on my cock, bombing her head perfectly fine. But after three or four times, I feel uncomfortable, like something's scraping my skin down there.

If I don't stop her, this is going to hurt.

—Babe, you're gonna suck me raw —I move her hair away from her face, after I've placed a hand on her arm—. Try doing this.

Trying to teach her how to do it, I cover my teeth with my lips. And, after she nods, I guide her back to my cock. And doesn't it feel good... Every time she moves, she tries to take my cock a bit deeper, which ends up with my tip rubbing against her throat and her gagging on my cock. I'm not even able to look at her right now, it'd be too much.

She is indeed a menace.

—Don't be shy —she teases me, hands working on my cock, as soon as she's aware that I'm trying to hold back—. Let me hear you.

If she learns more things, she'll definitely be the death of me.

The combination of her mouth with her hands, the wet sounds she makes, and how she makes me feel... I feel that hot sensation building up inside, like a volcano that's close to exploding. I think if I don't stop her, I'd end up doing something she doesn't like.

—Babe, stop —I say, trying to push her away. —. Please...

But that doesn't stop her, it only encourages Y/n to go as hard and fast as she's able to. And I'm not able to control my body, nor to be aware of what I'm doing, until it's way too late. Until I feel some of my own load dripping from her mouth, and rolling down my still hard cock, while I see her throat moving after she's swallowed the rest.

—Come here —I say, closing my eyes, while I extend one of my arms to hug her—. This is the hardest I've ever cummed since I met you.

A light weight covers my forearm, and the warmth radiating from her body makes me feel at ease after everything that's happened tonight.

It makes me feel like I won't be able to sleep right if she isn't here.

—Let's sleep —I whisper, knowing perfectly fine what that means..

Her cheeks rise, as she smiles wide against my skin, and moves next to me so she can wrap an arm around my body and hug me, keeping me close to her body.

#fanfic #ff #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkookxreader #jk #bts #wattpad #kookie #smut #jungkook smut #tattoistjk #tattooau #jungkook pov #Under His Skin #armpirate

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lilacsandwhiskey · 3 years ago

Note

Hey my sweet NC girl! Since you allowed me to keep requesting stuff I'll, sure as hell, take you up on that offer right now. Mind you— you don't have to write it if you don't want to, yeah? Okay, so I've been rewatching Love, Rosie last night, bawled my eyes you, jada jada. This just screams for a perfect hometown Drew and Y/N story? Like, them being in love with eachother since they could think, them having moments. Maybe even having that drunk kiss, obviously Y/N not getting pregnant by some random guy but definitely Drew leaving NC to fulfill his dream of being an actor in Hollywood. Y/N staying back because she never thought of herself as someone who could fit in in the Los Angeles lifestyle,— hoping Drew wouldn't find a girl there but the inevitable obviously happened. Y/N tries to distract herself with some guy they both went to college with— you know what I'm getting at, right? No matter how many times Drew finds himself being with a girl that's not her he's always going back to her, in a way. They always find their way back to eachother wether it be a family get together (his and her family are super close because they've been attached at the hip since they were like 3) or some hometown thing, maybe you could incoperate Brooke's graduation or Mack's wedding??? Omg that would be so romantic 🥺 And maybe they actually have their happy ending at the wedding? I hope you even know the movie, otherwise this isn't making much sense. I just know you can do this so well, describe live in NC to a t. Mean Something 10 was amazing, by the way!!! So excited what happens next, love you 💓

okay so you sent me this so naturally i went and watched the movie and can i say I CRIED LIKE A BABY? IT WAS SO GOOD SO THANK YOU FOR THIS REC!!!! also p sure this is one of the longest things i’ve written;-)

Kiss Me

pairing; drew x reader

warnings: language, alcohol, bffs to lovers scenario

seven

The boy next door.

The one who had became so quickly your best friend after your moms bonded over the flowers your mom planted at the mailbox.

Then, the two of you were attached at the hip, lying side by side while doodling, listening to music, running all over the backyard with your hair matted to your foreheads from sweat.

Your parents watched as the two of you climbed trees, fought dragons, and giggled way too hard at the fact one of you was hiccuping to the point you’d puke.

twelve

Middle school was terrifying, and there was nothing more terrifying than middle school boys.

Drew would ask you why you’d hang out with him if all of the other boys were so gross. “Because you’re not like them.” You’d blatantly reply.

The reality was that you were really learning about your emotions, your feelings, all of the things that a pre-teen girl was going through. And with a choppy haircut and all of the scary changes that both of your bodies were going through, you started to like each other… “like-like” you’d write in your diary.

sixteen

Drew pulled up to your house in a beat-up Honda, a squeal eliciting your lips as you trampled down the stairs. “I can’t believe it! You’re driving, by yourself!”

Drew stands tall inside the driver side door, grinning as he taps the top of the faded red roof. “Isn’t she a beaut?” You agree, patting the hood as you slide in the passenger seat. “You’re my first passenger, hold on.”

The two of you had a short lived adventure, leading the two of you to Cook-out and the local Wal-Mart where the two of you shared a tray of food and people watched.

Drew looked over at you as you attempted to suck the milkshake through the straw, complaining about how they were just too thick. He grinned, watching you as you struggled to take the lid off of the cup.

After minutes of struggling, you set down your cup and turn your body to face him. You have a smile on your face. “Okay, I have to tell you.” “Go on.” Drew turns his body towards you. “Grayson… asked me on a date! He invited me to the movies.” You squeal.

Drew feels his heart twist in pain, but quickly puts on a smile. “The-the senior?” “Yeah!” “Don’t you think he’s a little too old? I mean, we are freshmen.” Drew offers. “Oh, don’t get your tighty whiteys in a wad. He’s barely 18!” “And you’re only 15!” “I’m almost 16!”

sixteenth birthday party

Your hair was curled, dress on with heels to make you taller, make up to make you look older. You had every intention - to impress Grayson.

Every thought left your mind when Drew was the first to arrive, present in hand and a smile adorning his face. “Happy birthday, y/n/n! Now you can drive me around.” He wraps you in a hug, and you don’t miss the way the hug lasts a little longer than usual.

He pulls back, taking in your appearance. “You look… wow!” You grin at his reaction. “Do you think Grayson will like it?” You ask. Drew’s face falls. “Uh, yeah. He’d be crazy not to.”

The night passed on with dancing, singing, and more than enough sweets. But there was one thing missing… him.

While you tried to enjoy your night, his lack of his presence didn’t go unnoticed. You kept an eye on the door at all times, making Drew promise that he’d tell you if he slipped in. Drew continued to give a sympathetic smile when you’d make eye contact.

Drew made it his goal to make sure you had a good night by spinning you around in the middle of the living room while your friends danced around you. It seemed with every twirl, you were using it as an excuse to search around the room.

When the night came to an end without so much as a text or call, you finally let yourself cry.

It was supposed to be fun, you were supposed to be having the night of your life, and the one person you dressed up for didn’t even show up.

Drew walked in front the kitchen, after helping clean up the dirty plates and disposable cups, just to find you on the couch with your head buried in your hands.

“He didn’t come.” You struggle to get out. Drew rushes to your side, pulling you into him as you cry into his shoulder. “He’s not worth it, y/n. You deserve better.” He curses Grayson under his breath as he rubs your back. “You deserve so much better.”

prom

Drew watched Olivia from afar as the two of you sat shoulder to shoulder in the library. When you looked up, eyes meeting where his followed, your stomach tied in knots.

Push it away, y/n.

“Dude.” You whisper, bumping his shoulder. “What?” He shakes his head, looking back to you. You force a grin on your face. “I’m sure she can feel a weirdo staring at her.” “Can you blame me?” He asks lowly with a laugh.

You shake your head, leaning over your paper to finish writing your notes. “Why don’t you just ask her to prom?” You say, not looking up. “Because we always said we’d go together.” He reasons.

You sigh. “Leo from English asked me, I turned him down for you, but I’m sure he’s still up for it. Go, don’t miss your chance.” You encourage. “Are you sure?” “Yes, now go.” You laugh as you shove him from the chair, earning a playful flick to your shoulder. “Fine.”

You had to remind Drew several times that he needed a new tie, considering it was going to match yours originally. When Leo picked you up, he hardly complimented you after a few forced pictures.

You gave your tickets to the chaperone running prom, as Leo led you in to all of his friends. Obnoxious and barely giving you the time of day, you stood around, watching others dancing and laughing, regretting your suggestion for Drew to take Olivia.

It hurt even worse when you caught sight of them, dancing like no one was watching closer to the front. You smile sadly, knowing it wasn’t fair for you to be upset, but you couldn’t help the feeling.

Leo grabs your hand, pulling you back into the group before attempting to dance with you. His body comes behind you, grinding behind you to his own beat - you weren’t even sure that the two of you were listening to the same song by how offbeat it was.

“Lookie what I have.” He pulls a flask out of his pocket, showing it off to his friends before passing it around. You take a swig yourself, in hopes that it’ll make the one night you should look forward to in your high school years go faster.

“I’m going to go get some punch.” You say over the music. Leo waves you off as you walk to the table lined with plastic table clothes and scoop some of the punch in the cup.

“Holy shit!” Drew comes towards you. “Look at you! Are you having fun? Where’s your date?” Drew is breathless as he scoops his own drink. You point over to the obnoxious group in the corner. “Where’s Olivia?” “She’s over there.” He points towards her, and it appears she gushing to her friends. You give a small smile. “Glad you’re having fun.”

You’re not sure how much alcohol Leo has consumed or where he’s found it, but you know he’s too far gone and anyone could see that. You roll your eyes at his slurred words.

Your arms are crossed and though you were only tolerating this and were prepared to call your parents for a ride home, the line crossed when his hand moved down to your butt and squeezed. You quickly slide out from his touch, which only results in him getting angrier and more handsy.

“Stop pushing me away.” He grunts, pulling you into him. “No, stop touching me like that.” You protest, attempting to pull him away. His group of friends seem to find entertainment at your struggle and suddenly you’re feeling defeated.

“I said stop!” You yell louder. This still doesn’t gather much attention, but enough for Drew to storm over and grab you from his grasp. “She said stop.” Drew argues, pulling you behind him. “Always coming to her rescue. You won’t be around forever for her, dude. She needs to get a grip.” With a shove to Leo, Drew is pulling you out to the sidewalk.

Olivia follows close behind, and wordlessly stands away from the two of you. “Are you okay?” You ask. “No. I’m just going to call mom to get me.” “No, shh, here.” He shimmies his jacket off, placing it around your shoulders. “I could take you home.” He offers. Guilt swirls in your body when you hear Olivia her throat.

“No, have fun with Olivia.” You assure. “I don’t mind.” He whispers. “I’m fine, Drew. I’ll get a ride home from Nat.” She says, annoyance laced in her voice. “Are you sure?” “Yep.” She walks off, the door to the gymnasium opening to reveal loud music and loud hollering. “Come on, I’m ruining your date.” You whine. “You ruin nothing for me.” Drew mutters, helping you up.

twenty-first

Blind-folded, you walked down what felt like a driveway, hands being held by Drew and your friend, Ana. “Almost there.” Ana says, a grin evident in her voice.

When you climb a few steps, you are ushered into the door and the three of you stop. You feel Drew’s fingers move to work on the tied bandana around your eyes before whipping it off, revealing your friends. Being home from college during your birthday paid off to see everyone you loved together - even your best friends that you’d made on campus.

The night scurried along while you bounced from person to person, thanking them for coming. No one hesitated to slip you another drink, and that’s to say your cup never went empty.

“Thank you for this.” You gushed to Drew who was leaned against the counter, placing more drinks on the counter. “You know I’d do anything for you.” He says with a grin.

You’d had one too many shots and you’d found yourself dragging Drew to the backyard where your friends were lamely dancing around with their alcohol filled systems. You were right there with them. You sang loudly to the music as you swirled around, holding onto Drew’s hand as he moved you back and forth.

You turned around, grinning as Drew pushed your hair from your face. “You’re the best.” With tequila coursing through your veins, you wrap your arm around Drew’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss. Drew eases into it, the long waited moment of his entirety is actually happening. You bust into a laugh, before grabbing his hand to refill your drinks. While his heart is racing, your mind is boggling the lights, music, and people.

The next morning, you wake with a groan, covering your eyes from the sun. “Shit.” You mutter. You slowly place your legs over your friends bed, who must’ve taken downstairs after the party with the rest of the stragglers.

With the sun blazing into your eyes, you almost stepped on Drew who was passed out with a tiny blanket barely covering his body. You grin as you topple down with him, causing him to quickly wake, eyes filled with sleep. “Y/n? You okay?”

“Barely.” You mutter. “Do you need ibuprofen? Water? I can go find some.” “Shhh, no. I just need to rest. I can’t remember a thing from last night.”

Drew’s heart turns in his chest. “Nothing?” He whispers. “Just getting severely fucked up. That’s it.”

moving away

You swallowed hard, attempting to hold back the tears that were welling up as Drew loaded his final bag into the car. You didn’t want him to see you cry, but you still had the drive to the airport and sending him off.

You walked away for a moment to gather yourself, being reminded that this would be the first time you’d been away from each other. Since you were young, the two of you had been inseparable, all the way into college years when you both got accepted into the same university.

Using the tips of your fingers to catch the tears before they started their travel down your face, you turned around at the words, “I’m ready.” You were, in fact, not ready though.

As you got in the car with Drew, his parents driving behind you, he took a moment before starting the car. “I told you, you could always come and we could get an apartment together or,” but that wouldn’t work. That wasn’t your life.

“Drew.” You say calmly. He gives a sad smile. “I know.” “It’s just not my life out there. This is your life. And I’m proud of you, so damn proud of you.” You give his hand a squeeze.

The airport was typically one of your favorite places. It built the excitement of preparing to travel, getting there early to binge on junk, read a book, and buy a coffee or two. But today, it was your least favorite place.

As you all walked into the sliding doors of the airport, you were greeted by the hustle and bustle of those trying to make it through TSA, get outside, or saying goodbye to their loved ones. That was the hardest part - saying goodbye.

You waited patiently as Drew triple checked his flight details and went down the line to say goodbye to his family. They branched away from the two of you as Drew stopped, dropping his bags to fulfill the hug he’d been dying for.

“Promise me you’ll visit?” He whispers, his lips right in your ear. “I promise.” “Just say the word and we can arrange something.” You grin through already free falling tears. “Okay, Starkey.” “I’ll miss you.” “I’ll miss you more.” His arms linger around you, his heart growing more and more sad.

“You gotta flight to catch, Carolina Boy. Go show LA what you’re made of.” You pat his back, but the several kisses he leaves on your temple doesn’t go unnoticed.

the first video call

“… and I’ve met so many amazing people. You would freaking love them.” Drew gushes over the pixelated screen. “I’m sure they’re great.” You grin, situating yourself on the bed to lay forward.

“I miss you, you know?” Drew says with a sigh. “I know, I know. I miss you too. But, it sounds like you’re making some great friends.” Drew attempts to perk up at your words, taking in your appearance through the screen. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“LA looks good on you.” You compliment his fresh tan, the way his hair has lightened slightly, and the way his blue eyes are complimented. “NC still looks good on you, but I think you should come give LA a shot.” “Never gonna happen.” Drew’s heart falls.

getting over her

Drew knew this was where he was supposed to be… right?

The lights flashed throughout the club, his friends teetering on tipsy to almost gone. Only having nursed two beers, he was content with the level of “let-loose” he was.

Ciara, a close colleague from a recent short film made her way into the seat next to him. “I’m thinking I need to get out of her.” She says, breathlessly. A grin adorns her face as she looks up at Drew.

Drew tries to look at his friend differently, tight ringlets, big brown eyes. She was beautiful, no doubt, but she wasn’t you. But - no matter what, it wouldn’t work. It hadn’t yet. So why would it now?

Drew takes his shot. “Yeah, me too. Let’s get out of here.”

meet Ciara

“I have someone I want you to meet.” Drew coos over the phone.

The last time you’d talk to him was over a week ago, not very like the two of you, but you both were busy.

“Okay.” You say, sitting up in your chair at your desk as you push strands of your hair back. “This is Ciara.” Drew looks nervous yet happy as he pans the camera to the woman next to him.

Beautiful didn’t even begin to describe her. She was gorgeous, beyond that. “Hi, y/n! Drew’s told me so much about you.” Maybe she’s just a friend. Hell, y/n, get yourself together. The two of you could never work. Let him be happy.

“She’s uh, my girlfriend.” Drew says to you, as Ciara cuddles into him. “That’s… awesome!” You push out. “I can’t wait to meet you. You are coming to visit soon, right?�� Ciara gushes. “Uh, yeah! Not sure yet, but soon.” You nod.

getting over him

You sat across Ethan at the local Italian restaurant, hunched over plates in low light, sipping red wine. Legs are crossed and your laugh carries between the two of you as you reminisce on short-lived college days, and you’re wondering, why hadn’t we done this sooner?

Ethan is bold, reaching out to grab your hand as you talk. You smile down at your hands. “I’m glad we did this.” He breathes out, leaning back against the black leather, still holding onto your hand.

“Me too.”

visits

Visits between you and Drew became strained as the two of you became more busy. You were both in relationships, busy with careers, you with family affairs.

But then the holidays came faster than you’d anticipated and though your families always had a Christmas dinner together, you found yourself more nervous. This would be the first time the two of you met each other’s significant others, considering the times you’d visited him, Ciara would just so happen be out of town and mention of her was quickly dissipated between the two of you, and the weekends he’d fly to NC, Ethan would be working - though he know him from college.

Drew wasn’t necessarily fond of Ethan, knowing the reputation he’d had in college. Drew saw the way he was at parties, the way he carried himself, and the way he treated girls, and he could only hope that it would be different for you. You deserved it, even if it wasn’t him.

You straighten your red velvet dress, running down the stairs at the ring of the doorbell. Seeing Ethan only seemed to heighten your anxiety, the thought that Drew would be here in mere moments with the girl he’d happened to fall for.

“Hi Ethan.” Your mom says, smiling as he greets her with a hug. Ethan had become the true epitome of what your mom hoped you’d end up with - a man with career, dreams, a family man, all of the above. He checked everything off her list, but you were second guessing if he checked everything off you’re own.

The walk over to the neighbors seemed way too quick. Your parents knock on the door as Judi answers and ushers you in. She’s quick to grasp you in a hug, patting Ethan’s shoulder, as she lets you get in. “Gorgeous as always.” She grins.

Logan, Brooke and Mack greet you, always excited to see you at their door. Since their brother left, you had found yourself hanging out with them more to get coffee when Brooke or Logan was home and the most recent engagement party and excitement for Mackayla.

Last, but not least, Drew and Ciara appear from around the doorway, a grin hanging on Drew’s face. His arms circle around you in seconds, whispering an excited hello. “I missed you.” He whispers. As he pulls away, he holds his hand out to shake Ethan’s, a bored look on Ethan’s face as he grasps his hand. “Ethan.” “Drew.”

You watch as the night unfolds in awkward silences, looks between your parents, and the way Ciara has undoubtedly made it known that she doesn’t care what she says. “You would think Drew is in love with y/n with how much he talks about her.” She throws in as your parents attempt to reminisce on embarrassing stories about the two of you, that they thought would make them laugh.

Your parents share an awkward laugh as you push a smile and excuse yourself to the bathroom.

his heartbreak

The other end of the phone goes silent. “You okay?” You ask, staring up at the ceiling with your arm slung over your stomach. You hear Drew clear his throat. “Yeah, uh, she left.” “What do you mean?” “Decided we weren’t it for each other.” “I’m so sorry.” “It’s okay, I’m okay. So how are you?”

your heartbreak

“Sorry, babe. Gotta work late.” Ethan says on the other line. “I could swing by and drop dinner off.” “No, no. That’s okay. I don’t want to inconvenience you.” He says. “I can bring Chineeeese, your favorite.” You sing-song. “No, babe. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to.” “Okay, fine. I’m gonna jump off here and go find something to eat.” “Okay, talk to you later.” “I love you.” “You too.” You too.

You scroll through your phone, nothing looking very appealing. You decide to surprise Ethan, knowing how hard he seemed to be working late with all of his late nights. You order from the local Chinese restaurant, and go to pick it up to drop it off.

As you pull up to his work, you notice something. There’s not a soul there. And his car definitely isn’t there. Your heart begins to race as you find the gas and gun it to his house.

You see it. You see her. And her car.

You feel sick as you pull into the driveway, the crunch causing Ethan to turn his head. “Oh shit.” You see him mouth. He runs to your car. “It’s-it’s not what it looks like.” “No, we’re done.”

the right time

The string lights create the perfect ambiance through the venue, the way the night sky so perfectly lets the lights have their moment.

You cried as you watched Mackayla walk down the aisle, traces of white symbolizing the love between her and her now husband.

“I never had to question if you loved me.” Mack says. Your heart stops at those words, and you’re not sure if it’s the pregame shot she offered you earlier, the indulgence of love, or the fact you and Drew simultaneously made eye contact at those words.

The reception was quick to start with toasts and excitement. Drew finds a seat next to you, sidling close as he sets a drink in front of you. “I figured I’d grab you one.” “You figured right.” You say with a smile. “I can’t believe this day is finally here.” Drew looks around, watching the way everyone is so effortlessly joining their own conversations, showering the couple in love.

“Me neither. Time flew by.” You say. “It’s funny, I always thought it’d be me first.” “Really?” You look shocked, well aware of his lifestyle. “Well, I guess I just had these plans.” “With Ciara?” You whisper. Drew clears his throat. “No, actually.” You look puzzled as he keeps his gaze straight.

“My favorite people!” Mack says, wrapping her arms around the two of you. You’re sure Logan and Brooke have been coaching her to drink this evening. “You’re a wife!” You stand up the wrap her in a hug. “This could be you one day.” Mackayla says, drunkenly wiggling a finger in your face. “I need a man first.” You joke, catching glimpse of Drew’s eyes widening. “Come on, come dance. You promised you’d dance at my wedding, Drewseph.” “Yeah, yeah.” He says, hugging his sister as the three of you join the dance floor.

Mack holds both yours and Drew’s hands as the three of you turn to the music. Drew holds up his arms as both of you spin, laughter spewing from the three of you. Drew notices the way Mack’s hands drop from his as the next song comes on. “I’m going to go find my husband. Here you go.” She joins the two of you together before patting your hands and walking away. “May I have this dance?” Drew asks, a smile tugging his lips. “I suppose.” “Guess I’m getting that dance I never got at prom.” Drew remarks. Your mouth drops. “You’re the one that wanted to take Olivia!” You argue, a grin appearing.

“Just dance with me.” Drew says.

Well, life is ever changing but I

Can always find a constant and comfort in your love

With your heart my soul is bound

And as we dance I surely know that

Some kinda of heaven will be found

“Whatcha thinking about?” You look up to see Drew’s eyes fixated on you. “Just thinking about life. You know, I just wonder what it’d be like if you remembered your twenty-first birthday.” “Okay, that is the most random thing you’ve ever said.” You said, pulling back. “It doesn’t matter, it’s a secret I’ll never tell.” “You tell me all your secrets.” “Not that one.” “I’ll get it out of you.” You say, moving your hand to poke his chest.

“Do you ever feel like we’re looking for the right person in the wrong people?” “What do you mean?” “Like, you know exactly who you want but it seems so out of reach. But it’s not. At least you hope not.” Your heart flutters. “I know exactly what you’re saying.” You reply. “It may sound stupid, I don’t know.” “Not at all.” You say, rubbing his arm.

“We kissed.” “What?” “Your twenty-first birthday. We kissed. But you were so far gone and don’t remember it.” Drew whispers. “Holy shit, why didn’t you tell me?” “Because I thought you lied, because you didn’t want anything to change. Because you’re my best friend. My constant. I was terrified.”

Your mouth drops. “Drew Starkey. I have went years without knowing this.” “Well duh, why would I tell you?” “Because maybe it would’ve saved us from some heartache.” “What do you mean?” Drew asks, cheeks hurting. “Because it’s always been you. I always look for you in everyone I meet.” “And no one could ever be you. I, just, you’re you and, and…” “Kiss me.” “What?” “Kiss me. We deserve to have it.”

Drew’s heart is racing. His hands move from your waist, cupping both of your cheeks as he pours himself into this kiss. He’s slow, gentle, sets you on fire. Every year and moment poured into this kiss - a first real kiss between the two of you.

“I’ve waited too long for that.” Drew pulls back breathlessly. “You’re telling me.”

“Did I just see what I think I saw? Am I dreaming?” Brooke stands by with her mouth dropped. Drew grins before placing a hooked finger under your chin, pressing his lips to yours again. “I’d like to do this forever.” He whispers.

babes: @pogueslandia @luversgirl @gryffindorpouge11 @lurkymurker @marveloussensations @graysonsbde @k-k0129 @westrnwoods @writingsbehaviour

#drew starkey #drew starkey imagine #drew starkey angst #drew starkey blurb #drew starkey fanfic #drew starkey fluff #drew starkey x reader #drew starkey obx #drew starkey one shot

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hallowcked · 5 months ago

Text

Tyler could tell there was something troubling Brooke's mind. He was usually more observant when it came to all of her little quirks and cues. For the past couple of days though, he'd been caught up in all of their arguments and his own paranoia. The walls they were putting up were stopping them from seeing what they both wanted: each other. Nothing else mattered -- especially not the things they did when they were apart. Those actions weren't really theirs to begin with. They were both grieving and looking for an escape. Tyler wishes he could erase every memory of his life that Brooke wasn't a part of.

"I know something's been on your mind." In order to calm her nerves, he lays a hand against her cheek and uses his thumb to caress one of her dimples. The thought of Hunter still irks him. He shouldn't have been allowed to nickname a part of her body and make it feel special between them. Brooke was supposed to be his. From her dimples to her eyes to every inch of her body.

His mind drifts somewhere else when Brooke tells him she wants him to be happy and healthy. He wants those same things. Maybe they can find them together in New York. Because he wasn't going to be happy in Riverwood. Not while the Vipers are snaking themselves around his ankles. And not while the threat of Kincaid looms over his shoulder. The thought of him and his twisted grin was the reason Tyler jumped when the little girl bumped into his back while chasing her bubbles around. He's been off-center for awhile now but Brooke was just starting to notice. "After we move to New York, I'll be happy." He closes his eyes when she leans in to kiss him, and he frames her face between his hands. If she would have kissed him like this earlier, he wouldn't have needed the vodka. She was his drug and always has been. Becoming intoxicated by her kiss, he wraps his hands around her hips and pulls her closer. If she continues to moan every time he sucks on her tongue, he'll have to slide a hand up her skirt to feel how wet she is. By now, it should have been clear that he has no self-control when he's with her. Any form of restraint becomes a completely foreign concept to him. Therefore, when Brooke pulls away, Tyler feels a molecule of relief. Because it means they won't get kicked out of the festival for all the things he wants to do to her.

He doesn't bother creating space between them after their kiss ends. Every breath he takes falls softly against her lips. "I'm sorry you've noticed." He was referring to his bruised hands and tired eyes even though he's done nothing to hide them from her. Maybe he should have. The pain he was going through was deserved, though. He hurt her and now he has to hurt himself to repent for it. In the orphanage, those were the rules. If you fuck up, you accept your consequences. Which was usually a paddle on the ass. But when the Sisters would get bored, they would find new and creative ways to make the children suffer. "I just keep thinking about all the times I destroyed you and it destroys me. The nightmares started back up after I ended things in your dorm. The only time they stopped were when you were staying with me at Eli's." Tyler didn't want to make it sound like he was guilt-tripping her to get over all of their problems though. Because her emotions were valid and justified. "I didn't tell you because you have every right to be mad at me. My hands will heal. But the things I've done to you are permanent." Little house cats shouldn't be allowed to play with wolves. In the end, he would end up devouring her.

At the start of her confession, Tyler reaches for her hand to hold. Whatever it is she wants to tell him, he knows she's been struggling with it for a long time. His mind races back to the night when he beat Seth unconscious and she wanted to tell him something before Volchok called. Then she brought it up again before the little girl bumped into him. Was she sick? Was she dropping out of school? His mind couldn't accept the fact that she might be pregnant. Even though all the signs were there. Maybe he did know something and he was repressing it; because happily ever after is a fairy tale and he only knows nightmares.

Before she could finish her thought, Volchok and Isadora's presence scuttles in like nasty critters tearing up a beautiful rose garden. Feeling annoyed, Tyler looks up at Volchok through glaring eyes. The kind that read: get the fuck out of here. But then he felt bad because Volchok had been helping him left and right when it came to the Vipers and Brooke. If it weren't for him, he wouldn't have been able to do half the stuff he did. So in actuality, he owed Volchok a lot more than a couple of churros. Isadora takes a seat on the picnic table and crosses her legs, "we should totally do the maze. But we should do teams? Girls against boys? Winner gets to choose what we do next. Even if it's bobbing for apples!" Tyler exchanges a look with Volchok as if to say: we have to win. Plus, being alone with Kev would give him an opportunity to catch up and see if there's anything off between him and Isadora too. Maybe Volchok knows something Tyler doesn't. "Fine. But you have to finish together. So if one of you get lost or distracted...then game over."

As he talks, Brooke listens, turning her whole body inward to face him. She enjoyed watching his eyes light up as he pondered the differences between having a son or daughter with her. It was nice to know the topic didn't scare him off or weird him out. Most guys would've ran at the first sign of their girlfriend displaying any baby fever. Your twenties were supposed to be carefree, not tethered or tied down by a family. It took Brooke awhile to accept that her twenties would look different than her peers. And so would Tyler's. Once he discovered the truth. The more time that passes, the more anxious Brooke gets. She's been acting so crazy lately. And this one thing would explain why that is. The longer she waited, the more mad she risked him getting that she didn't share this news with him sooner. But, she had to wonder if there was any possible way telling him right now would backfire or blow up in her face. "Tyler....." I'm pregnant.

The words never leave her lips on behalf of the child, they'd been previously watching. She ran smack dab into Tyler's back when trying to catch her latest bubble. "Oh my god. I am so sorry! Please forgive us. Aurora, what did I tell you about blowing bubbles near strangers?" The mother of the child continued to apologize profusely before she swept up little Aurora up in her arms and carried her back to their family's table while she kicked and screamed to keep playing. It was only after they were left alone again that Tyler's prior question finally registered. "I wouldn't care. I think I could love both equally. I would just want him or her to be healthy and happy." It seemed like such a cop out answer but it was true. So long as she didn't give birth to an alien she'd be fine. "Our baby isn't the only person I wish health and happiness on, though." There's a pause as she eyes him expectantly. "I want that for you, too." More than anything, Brooke just wished she could take away his pain and absorb it all herself. She attempts to, as she runs her fingers through his hair and leans up to finally return his kiss with fervor. He needed to know that despite their fights and how insanely neurotic she gets, her feelings haven't changed. She hoped by kissing him with the same, usual intensity, that would hopefully drive the point home.

The public display lasted for a few minutes, with Brooke eventually deepening it with tongue. He tasted less like vodka now and more like warm, decadent hot chocolate. "I'm worried about you," Brooke whispers once their kiss comes to a slow stop and her hand crawls up his chest. She meets his eyes only for hers to be filled with sadness. "What you said in texts last night, about feeling like you're drowning.... and finding you this morning hungover.... I'm concerned. Even the other night when you showed up at my party, your knuckles were bruised really badly. They still are." She pauses just to check, running her fingers over the dark purple blotches. "I can tell you haven't been sleeping. Are you having nightmares again? Would you tell me if something was wrong or I could do anything to help make it better?" He just said she saved him but, right now she doesn't feel like much of a savior at all. When she's the reason he's been feeling so powerless and overwhelmed. "I'm sorry about last night. And for being so neurotic these past couple of weeks. If you knew why, you'd understand. And I hope you wouldn't be upset when I tell you that I'm----"

"There you guys are. Please tell Isa, men do not bob for apples." The innuendo alone makes Volchok feel gay, as he sits down across from their friends. "Oh cool. A churro. I'm starving." Without even asking, Kev picks up the long cinnamon-sugar coated treat and takes a huge chunk out of it. "You guys wanna hit the cornmaze? See which one of us makes it out first?"

#c. tyler o'neill #int. tyler + brooke #c. isadora mckenna #int. brooke + isadora #int. isadora + volchok #int. tyler + volchok #th. fall fest

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itsadamcole · 4 years ago

Text

heaven knows

fem!reader x finn balor

(requested by anonymous) “Reader and Finn have been best friends ever since they were at NXT. Reader have a crush on Finn but never express their feelings because she feels Finn only thinks of her as a friend. Until finally the reader dating Dolph and Finn began to realize his feelings. Reader first moved to RAW and started dating Dolph, 3 months later Finn also got a shake up to RAW. Dolph had to move to Smack Down and the reader and Dolph relationship ended because of that.”

word count: 4.1k+

warnings: smutty (that’s about it for warnings ig)

— thank you to anonymous for this request. i had a lot of fun writing it ... this imagine is based on the song “Lost in You” by Westlife —

masterlist || request an imagine here

~ 18+ content below - read at your own risk ~

*** 3 months ago ***

“Finny!” you shout, running up to your best friend. Finn Balor turns around and looks at you.

He smiles and says, “Hey. What’s up? How’d the meeting go?”

You basically shout, “I’m moving to the Raw roster!”

Finn’s smile drops a bit but you don’t notice it. “Raw?” he asks. “I thought ya like it here on NXT.”

You look up at Finn and say, “Ya know that I’ve wanted to go to Raw for a while.”

“I know,” he says. “Ya haven’t been on NXT for that long and I thought ya liked it here.”

You say, “I can talk to Regal and to Vince to get ya moved to Raw with me.”

Finn shakes his head and says, “I’m staying here for a while. I had my time on Raw and they never used me right.”

You pout and say, “I’ll still come visit when I’m home. I’ll be home all the time, I promise.”

He smiles at you and says, “I’m proud of ya for being moved to Raw. Ya will be the best damn announcer that the red brand has ever seen.”

“And I better be the first person ya call after ya win the NXT title,” you say.”

You smile at your best friend and he says, “Of course. Ya will be the first person I call after I win the title.”

“I better be,” you say. “Maybe I’ll come back to NXT eventually but I’ll make sure to watch every week.”

You smile and hug Finn.

When you were told that you were being promoted to Raw, it was a bittersweet moment. You love NXT and you love the roster. Not to mention you don’t want to leave Finn, your best friend and crush since day one in NXT. You’re both from Ireland and have always stuck together. It’s how you became such close friends.

Now you’re leaving and you hate that you are.

***

*** present day - november 2019 ***

You sit in your dressing room, brushing out your long brunette hair. You hum quietly to yourself as you brush your hair.

There’s a soft knock on your door so you get up to answer it. You open the door, revealing your boyfriend Dolph Ziggler. “Hey,” you say, smiling. “I was just about to come see you.”

You have Dolph have been together since you moved to Raw three weeks ago. He asked you out the day you arrived and have been together since.

He kisses your cheek before walking into your dressing room. Dolph says, “The shake up is today and I was just told that I’m moving to the Smackdown roster.”

You look at Dolph and say, “I thought ya told them that ya wanted to stay on Raw.”

“I did tell them but they’re moving Bobby and I to Smackdown,” he says as you approach him. He looks down at you. “We’re going to be on different brands, Y/N.”

You hug him and say, “We’ll make it work, Dolph. We have to.”

He runs his fingers through your hair and say, “I would love to make it work, Y/N. I would love to, but you know what it’s like when couples work on different brands. It rarely ever works out.”

You look up at Dolph and ask, “What are ya saying, Dolph?”

Dolph says, “You know how much I like you and how much I like being with you, but we can’t be together if we’re on different brands. It never works out in the long run.”

“So you’re saying we should break up?” you ask.

He nods in response. “Maybe one day we can reconnect but right now, we can’t be together,” Dolph says.

For some reason, you’re not disappointed by this news. You like Dolph but you’ve always thought that there was someone better for you out there.

Someone like Finn Balor.

You miss Finn. You haven’t spoken in a month because of your schedules. He's been busy defending his title on NXT and you've been busy with being an announcer. You've tried to find time to talk to Finn but either he's busy or you're busy.

Dolph says, "I'll, uh, see you around, Y/N."

"Ya too, Dolph," you say. Dolph leaves your dressing room and you sigh. You go grab your phone and try calling Finn.

Finn doesn't answer, leaving you upset.

There's another knock on your door and you answer it. Triple H stands at your door. "Hi," you say, surprised. "Can I help ya with something?"

Triple H says, "Just coming by to drop off the card for tonight. Pierce is sick."

That's when it hits you. Triple H usually runs things surrounding the NXT brand. You ask, "Is NXT involved in something tonight?"

"Possibly," he says. "If I can get Vince's approval. This is the card with the matches on with that NXT is involved in."

You nod and take the card, reading over it.

Adam Cole versus Drew McIntyre. Lana and Dana Brooke versus Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler. Seth Rollins versus a mystery opponent is slated to be the main event tonight. "Who's Seth's opponent?" you ask.

Triple H says, "I don't know. He's issuing an open challenge tonight. That's all I know."

You nod and say, "Well, thank you for the card." He gives you a kind smile before walking off. You close the door and sigh.

NXT is getting involved and you can't help but wonder if one Irishman is going to be making an appearance.

To distract yourself, you get into the attire that was left in here for you. A lacey black dress that sparkles. Your shoulders and arms are the only parts of your body that can be seen under the dress because the lace is sheer. The dress falls to just above your knees.

A third person knocks on your door as you're about to do your makeup. You answer it, revealing your best friend, Becky Lynch. She smiles and says, "Look at ya. Looking all snazzy. I like the dress."

You smile and let her in. "Thank you," you say. "But I have no control over my wardrobe. The dress is kinda cute though."

Becky kind of laughs and sits down. You do your makeup as Becky says, "I heard Dolph's moving to Smackdown."

"Yeah, he is," you say. "He came in here and said that relationships don't really last when the couple is on two different rosters. Well, he said that it usually doesn't work out, so he ended it." You shrug.

Your best friend squints her eyes at you and says, "Ya don't seem that upset about it."

You do your eyeshadow and say, "I liked Dolph, but I always thought that there could be someone out there that's better for me."

As you speak, your mind wanders to Finn. You wonder how he's doing. You hope that maybe you'll catch a glimpse of him tonight. Maybe he'll be Seth's mystery opponent. You don't know.

Becky says, "Someone like Finn Balor? Because he's calling ya."

Quickly, you grab your phone that you threw on the couch and you answer the phone. "Finn?" you say as soon as you answer it."

"Hey," he says. "There's my favorite announcer. How ya doing?"

You smile and say, "Fine. I'm doing okay. How are ya doing?"

Finn says, "I've been better. I saw ya called and I wanted to see if something was wrong."

Becky points at you and mouths, "I knew it." You wave her off and say into the phone, "Nothing's wrong. I was just thinking about ya earlier so I thought I'd ring ya to see if ya were busy."

He says, "I'm a little busy but I have a second to talk."

"I was just getting ready for Raw but I can stop for a second," you say.

Finn laughs softly and says, "So, tell me about Dolph. Everything okay there? Ya seemed happy the last time we talked."

You say, "I, um, we kinda broke up. He's being moved to Smackdown because of the shakeup tonight."

He's quiet before he says, "Oh, that's terrible. I'm sorry."

You shrug and say, "It's fine. I know there's someone better for me out there." You glance at the time. "I have to go now but can I call ya later?"

"Yeah," he says. "Call me after Raw is over and we'll actually talk for more than a few minutes."

You smile and say, "Okay. I'll talk to ya later then."

You both say your goodbyes and you hang up the phone.

Becky says, "Tell me how long ya have had a thing for Finn Balor. I don't blame ya, by the way. That man is very attractive. Maybe not as attractive as Seth but still attractive."

You laugh and say, "I've had a thing for him since our NXT days. Basically since day one." You rub the back of your neck. "I'm sure he doesn't feel the same way about me though so I never said anything to him about it."

She laughs and says, "Tell him. You're single now and ya said that there was someone better than Dolph Ziggler out there for ya. What if that person is Finn?"

"He's not on this brand either," you say. "He's NXT champion so he wouldn't have time for me anyway."

Becky says, "Well, that's not true. When Seth was Universal Champion, he still had time for me."

You blink at her and say, "You and Seth were champions at the same time, Becky. You traveled together for press and everything."

She thinks for a second and says, "Yeah. That's very true. Okay, anyway. I have a match tonight against Asuka so Imma go get ready for that. I'll see ya out there."

You nod and finish getting ready for the show tonight.

***

There are five matches on the card tonight, plus the main event. The first match was Dana Brooke and Lana versus Shayna Baszler and Nia Jax. Shayna and Nia won.

The next match was Becky versus Asuka for the title. Asuka retained, which left Becky mad.

The third match was a six-man tag match, with three teams of two. Xavier Woods and Kofi Kingston are a team against the teams of my now ex-boyfriend Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode and two members of the Undisputed Era, Kyle O'Reilly and Roderick Strong. It's basically a mini Survivor Series match, minus the eliminations. The stipulation is if the Undisputed Era loses, they stay on NXT. If they win, they get moved up to Raw.

The Undisputed Era wins the match and all four of them are now members of the Raw roster.

The fourth match is Keith Lee versus Braun Strowman. Keith wins.

The fifth match is Drew McIntyre versus Adam Cole. Randy Orton interferes and costs Drew the match.

It's main event time. Seth's music hits and you say into your microphone, "Making his way down to the ring, he is the Monday Night Messiah, Seth Rollins."

Seth gets into the ring. He doesn't have his disciple, Murphy, with him as he's handed a microphone. "So, as you can see, my disciple Murphy isn't here with me tonight. That's because he's a traitor and left me. So, I'm issuing an open challenge for anyone to come out here and prove to me that they have what it takes to be my disciple. Come on, anyone. From Raw or Smackdown, or even NXT. Come on out."

Everyone looks at the stage to wait and see who comes out. Everyone in the arena waits.

And that's when Finn Balor's music hits. Your jaw almost drops, happy and excited to see Finn with his title. The crowd jumps up and cheers. You smile in the timekeeper's area as Finn makes his way down to the ring. He's handed a mic on the way down.

Seth has a smile on his lips as he looks at that title around Finn's waist, who's dressed and ready for a match in his white ring gear and a matching white leather jacket. This is the gear he wore in his last main roster match at Summerslam in 2019 before he went back to NXT in October. The NXT title is now over his shoulder as he steps into the ring.

Finn is looking at Seth. His music fades and he says, "Hi, Seth. So, I heard ya are looking for a match tonight. How's this? Ya and I in the ring right now. If ya win, then ya get my title and I'll be your new whatever ya call it. If I win, I keep my title and ya never can challenge for this title, or any title that I hold, whether it's the WWE Championship or the United States Champion. I think ya get the point."

You look over at Seth and he says, "You're on Balor. Let's get a referee out here and get this started."

The crowd cheers and you're handed a card with something to read on it. You nod and as the guys get ready in the ring. You look up and say, "This match has just been made official by WWE officials. The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the NXT Championship. Introducing first the challenger, weighing in at 217 pounds, from Davenport, Iowa. He is the Monday Night Messiah, Seth Rollins."

You listen as the crowd boos Seth. You forgot how much the WWE Universe loves Finn Balor.

Once the crowd dies down, you talk into the microphone again. "Weighing in at 190 pounds, from Bray, County Wicklow, Ireland, he is NXT Champion. Finn Balor," you say, smiling as the name Finn Balor leaves your lips. The crowd cheers. Finn looks at you and points at you, making your face heat up.

The ref takes the belt and holds it above his head. Someone runs over and grabs it, bringing the belt back to the little area. You look at the gold belt. It looks so pretty with Finn's side plates on it.

The bell rings and the match is underway. Your eyes are on Finn the whole time.

It takes 20 minutes but Finn hits the Coup de Grace and pins Seth, retaining his title. You take the belt and run to the ring, not being able to hold in your excitement. You bring your microphone with you because you have one more thing left to say.

Once you're in the ring, you almost tackle Finn with a hug. He hugs you back and you hand him his title.

"And still NXT Champion, Finn Balor," you say as Finn's music blares in the arena.

He looks down at you and takes your microphone. You stare up at him as he says, "I, uh, I need to say something really quick."

The crowd dies down and you stare up at your best friend. He looks at his title and he says, "This title isn't mine anymore. This title isn't mine anymore because as of this moment, I am on the Raw roster. As a full-time Raw superstar, I cannot hold the NXT title." He puts the title down on the ground before looking at you. "But as a full-time Raw superstar, I can spend all the time in the world with ya. Travel with ya, talk to ya whenever I want. And most importantly, take ya on a date or two whenever we want."

Your eyes widen as you stare up at Finn, realizing that he has feelings for you too.

"If ya would like, of course," Finn finishes with. The crowd collectively gasps as they wait for your answers.

Finn's arm is still around your waist and you're still standing close to him. So, you give your answer in the one way you've been wanting to. You put your hands on Finn's face and pull his face down to yours. Your lips crash to his and immediately begin moving against them.

He smiles into the kiss and drops the microphone, wrapping both your arms around his neck as his arms wrap around your waist.

The crowd cheers loudly as you kiss Finn in the ring.

***

Eventually, you and Finn make your way back to your hotel room. He tells you about what he had to do to get to Raw.

Since NXT was part of the shakeup this year, there was a chance that he could get sent to Raw. It was small because he held the NXT title. So after some negotiations with William Regal, Triple H, and Vince McMahon, he would voluntarily relinquish his title after a match tonight. So that's what he did. He voluntarily relinquished his title and is now apart of the Raw roster.

He also told Vince that he wants a run or two at the WWE Championship, which is held by Drew McIntyre. Vince agreed because he knows the fans love Finn versus Drew. Add a title in there and it makes for a few good championship matches.

Once back at the hotel room, Finn says, "I need to shower really quick then we can watch movies or something for a bit."

You nod and watch as Finn disappears into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. The water starts and you sigh.

It would be really bad if you just walked into the bathroom and told him everything that you've been feeling, especially tonight.

When Finn walked out in the white gear, a little ache formed in your core and you tried what you could to stop it.

Your feet are carrying you to the bathroom before you can do anything. You shed the dress and your shoes before walking into the bathroom.

The shower in the bathroom is a glass stand up shower. Most of the glass is distorted but the top maybe 16 inches aren't so you can see from Finn's chest up. His eyes are closed as he rinses his hair.

Quickly, you take off the bra and panties you're wearing before you open the door to the shower. Finn looks down at you and asks, "Y/N, what are ya doing?"

"Saving water," you say. "Kinda."

He smiles down at you as you close the glass door. You stare up at him and he asks, "Now what are ya really doing?"

You say, "Seeing ya in the white gear tonight made me feel things, Finn. I know I shouldn't just get in the shower with ya, but-" You're interrupted by Finn's lips coming down to yours. You gasp, surprised by the kiss.

His lips move against yours before he pulls back and says, "Ya are telling me ya want me to, what?"

You stare up at him and say, "Whatever ya want, Finn. I just need ya to do something to me."

Finn smirks a bit and his hands come down to your waist. He guides you so your back is against the wall. You stare up at Finn and he says, "Is this what ya really want? I want to make sure it's what ya want one hundred percent."

Your hands rest on his chest and you nod. "It's what I want, Finn," you say. "I've wanted this for a while."

He smiles and kisses you. The kiss is rougher than the kiss in the ring and his hands start to roam. Soft sighs leave your lips. As the two of you share the kiss, Finn moves and presses you against the cold wall of the shower. Your hands are on Finn's cheeks, slipping your tongue into his mouth. Finn smirks against your lips.

The kiss continues for a second before Finn leans down and picks you up by your thighs. You wrap your legs around his waist as Finn pulls back from your lips and he starts to kiss your neck.

A soft moan escapes your lips as your hands slide into Finn's short wet hair. You smile and say, "This has gotten longer since we last saw each other."

Finn smirks and looks up at you, detaching his lips from your neck. He says, "I'm guessing ya like it."

You giggle and nod, saying, "It gives me something to hold onto." He laughs and kisses you again.

He reaches to the side and turns the water off. Carefully and slowly, Finn leaves the shower with you wrapped around him. He's careful not to slip on the tile floor of the bathroom as he leaves the room.

Finn walks out to one of the beds, laying you on your back. The kiss breaks as he looks down at you, eyes wandering all over your body.

"I've imagined how ya looked for weeks and this exceeded all of my expectations," he says, smiling down at you.

You giggle and stare up at him, saying, "I could say the exact same thing." You glance down at his semi-erect member that's poking at your thigh.

He starts to kiss your jaw and he says, "You're so beautiful. I can't believe that maybe you'll be mine after this."

Sighing, you say, "I've been yours this entire time, Finn."

Finn smirks against your neck. You slide your hands down his sides and use one of your hands to stroke Finn's member. He gasps a bit against the skin against your neck. You feel him begin to harden as you stroke him.

"Keep going like that and I won't last as long as ya probably want me to," he gasps.

You leave kisses to his head and say, "We have all night, Finn. And all day tomorrow."

He looks up at you and says, "Good, because I won't be able to stop once I've started."

You reach up, pecking his lips before you say, "Then start."

Finn smirks a bit before he kisses you harder than he ever has before. You sigh softly against his lips as he runs his tip through your already soaked folds. "Finn," you mumble against his lips. "Please. Tease me another time. I need ya right now."

Slowly, Finn begins to push himself into you. You gasp into the passionate kiss.

You're not a virgin but you're not really that experienced in bed. Finn knows this so he's making sure he's careful with you. On the other hand, you know how experienced Finn is in bed. He's never had to tell you. You used to travel with him when you worked for the NXT brand and stayed in the hotel room next to him sometimes. He's not really that quiet, and neither is whoever he's with.

He moves slowly and shallowly at first, making sure that he's not hurting you. The little bit of pain that you feel slowly melts away to pleasure, and you're a little bit of a moaning mess underneath Finn's body. You drag your fingers down Finn's back as he moves.

Every few minutes, Finn picks up speed and thrusts deeper into you. You wrap your legs around Finn's waist again. Your back arches off the bed ooccationally and chase Finn's hips. He slips deeper into you, making you moan and gasp under Finn.

A wave of confidence overtakes you a couple minutes later. You roll so you're straddling Finn's waist with him still inside you.

Finn stares up at you as you begin to move your hips, riding him. Finn intertwines his fingers with yours and helps hold you up. You throw your head back as you bounce up and down on Finn's now rock hard member. Moans escape your lips and Finn grunts and growns beneath you.

Your walls begin to clench around Finn and you moan, "Finn, baby. I'm about to come."

"Come, princess," he gasps, thrusting up into you as you move your hips.

Your eyes are squeezed shut and you release around Finn as he quickly pulls out of you and comes all over your stomach. You collapse onto Finn, your sweaty chests sticking together as you come down off your high.

Finn wraps his arms around your shoulders and you sigh, your ear pressed against his chest. His heart is beating quickly. You feel him leave kisses on your forehead. You smile and look up at him, resting your chin on his chest. Finn smiles down at you.

"So what do ya say?" he asks. "Will ya officially be mine?"

You giggle and nod, leaning up and pecking his lips. "Yes."

#finn balor imagine #finn balor x reader #finn balor fluff #finn balor smut #wrestling imagine #wrestling fluff #wrestling smut #wwe imagine #wwe fluff #wwe smut #nxt imagine #nxt fluff #nxt smut #imagines #imagine #nswf imagine #smut #fluff

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horrorstoryfanfics · 4 years ago

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Summer To Remember: Background and Prologue

Hello! So before you dive into this I'd just like to make some notes.

Okay so first off a MAJOR SPOILER WARNING is in order. If you haven't seen American Horror Story 1984 yet and you don't want anything spoiled I suggest you go, watch it, and then come back to this story. For the most part I will be following the story line almost exactly, except with the simple addition of you. So since you're in there obviously things will change.

Another thing I'm changing is the ages. I'm going to assume that the main characters like Xavier, Montana, Brooke, Chet, and Ray are all in their early twenties. So that'll be about where you're at. That being said...since I based this story on you being Margaret's daughter her age will shift as well. So since she was (I'm assuming) at least 18 in 1970...and the current events being in 1984 it wouldn't make any sense her being your mother since there's only a fourteen year difference between the two. SO, I've decided to take the whole 'Mr.Jingles Massacre of 1970" and place it back a couple years.

"You" being born in 1964, making you twenty in 1984. And the 1970 Massacre now being in 1960. Just to give you some actual time to be born and to deal with your....interesting mother. This making Margaret eighteen in 1960. And her being fourty two in 1984.

I'm also going to change some of the other aspects of time. For example, when the councilors arrive at Camp Redwood it's the night before the kids are going to arrive. Instead I'm going to have it be a couple of days before the kids arrive so it fuels the story and the romance aspect I'm trying to bring. So just little changes like that will filter through out the story.

I hope all this makes sense, I got the idea for being Margaret's daughter from re-watching the season and I just wanted to make it work but then looking at the ages and things it just didn't really work out...so I gave a lot of thought to it and I didn't want to cause any confusion so I decided to make this explanation before the story.

I’m working really hard to make this as great/authentic and angsty as I can so I hope that you enjoy !

Okay. Thank you. I hope that makes sense and I don't confuse anyone further into the story. But if you do have questions or find a plot hole please comment and I'll do my best to explain or fix it !!

Prologue

When I was about eleven everything changed. Not in the puberty way or the switching schools way. In the way of my father was brutally murdered. I remember like it was yesterday.

Autumn was my favorite season. The falling leaves, the smell of cinnamon in the air, the spookiness of it all just drew me in like a magnet. It was two days before Halloween and I had never been more excited. My dad and I were going to go to the store to pick out my costume. After buckets of convincing my overly religious mother that Halloween was okay. Every year she would keep me home but finally, this year was the one.

I skipped up the steps to find the door already wide open. I carefully pushed it further, "Mom? Dad?" I called. There was nothing but silence.

I walked through the living room, into the kitchen, through the hall and up the stairs. Nothing until I reached the top of the stairs. I clenched my bag tighter as I saw the damp red trail leading straight into my parents room.

I took a big gulp as tears stained my eyes, not really ready for whatever it was that I was about to face.

I carefully stepped around the blood and looked around the room, the trail leading into the bathroom. I pushed the door open and froze in shock. There was my father, gutted over the bathtub. His guts spilling all over the tile. Screaming, I turned around and ran as fast as I could down the stairs, out the door and into the lawn. Immediately dropping to my knees and puking onto the lawn.

My Mom's car pulled up and she sped out over to me, "Y/n!?" She screamed as she made her way over, eventually kneeling beside me. "What happened?!"

I looked up to her sobbing, barely able to choke out my words, "D-Dad...Dad's dead."

The years that followed were troubling to say the least. School was rough and I grew into a deeper pit of depression, consuming me as I grew older. My mother pushed me even further, deciding that she had a certain path for me and a certain life that she wanted me to live.

One against what I wanted.

As soon as I turned eighteen I was gone. Moved a couple cities over and decided to live my life my way. I discovered myself along the way and grew. My contact with her dwindled as I only checked on her a couple of times a year.

But then she said she needed me...

Part One

#American Horror Story #American Horror Story 1984 #AHS #AHS 1984 #Xavier Plympton #Xavier Plympton Fanfiction #Xavier Plympton x Reader #Xavier Plympton Smut #Xavier Plympton x Reader Smut #Camp Redwood #American Horror Story X Reader #Self Insert #AHS x Reader #AHS Self Insert #1984

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traegics · 9 months ago

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This isn't helping me, Lorelai. It stung and she knew he was right but then this had been exactly why she had pleaded with Gabi and Bella not to tell him, he could have lived in ignorant bliss of her existence but no blabber-mouth Bella just couldn't keep it to herself, couldn't harbor the secret until Lorelai figured out how permanent being back was or if there was even a way that she could make it permanent. There was something in the way that betrayal had stung, she had always known the pair were close and it had never bothered her before but now, knowing that Bella had been there to pick up the pieces, knowing that she had done the one thing she had asked her not to do- could she even trust her now? "I don't know, okay," Lorelai countered, her frustration evident, mixing with the pain and the heartache. "You shouldn't have even known in the first place. I was trying to protect you from all of this, Brooks."

Brows creased as he spoke again, every word slicing through the already destroyed heart, tears breaking past dark lashes that held them back. She hadn't known the full extent of his pain, thankful that Bella hadn't gone in detail for detail on just how broken he had been but now hearing it from him, she'd have rather heard it from her. Digits ached to reach for him, to calm him, anything to ease the pain he was reliving over and over in his mind but she couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming, the guilt that she had been the cause of all this, the cause of his relapse, the cause of his broken heart. It killed her knowing that she had destroyed the one person that she loved with every fiber of her being. "Please, stop," Lorelai pleaded, begging for the ache in her chest to stop, the knife twisting deeper and deeper within her soul. "I didn't mean- Everything I've ever done, everything that I continue to do, it's to protect you. I never meant to be the cause of your heartbreak, Brooks. It's the last thing that I ever wanted."

She could see it, sense it. The way he was becoming worked up and she couldn't blame him, her own hand still resting against her chest as her heart continued to beat at an increased speed, beating irregularly with every broken word that left his lips. And how she wished to silence them, to silence the words, the thoughts with her own lips, body fighting with mind restlessly. Cerulean hues followed his movements, gaze dropping to the box of cigarettes as he plucked one from it's interior, a habit she had once hated but now had become her own clutch, her own way of allowing herself even a moments silence from her mind. Gaze rises again, finding his as his frame comes closer, both now stood before the window, his scent still the strongest smell in the room and in an instant she was faltering again, melting at his words as he continued and that itch to reach for him grew persistent, twitching at the ends of her fingers.

Ocean hues scan his features, features that she had memorized so that when she closed her eyes at night he would be all she saw, the ones that she yearned to touch, to rid of the frown lines and the sorrow and the burdens the world had left imprinted on his soul. His words were honest, not that she'd ever question otherwise, he never lied to her, not once. The exhaustion is evident and digits twitch once more but she fights it as he flicks the cigarette outside the window and her gaze finds his own and just as she was prepared to succumb to him, his final words leave his lips and she's frozen to the spot, heart shattering as she takes a moment to inhale a shaky breath. Sapphire hues scan his desperately pleading with him within her silence. She can't leave, can't walk away from him, that much was evident when he first arrived, when she saw him that first time in the bar. It just wasn't physically possible, the thought alone made her nauseous. He'd held her, touched her, kissed her. She couldn't be the one to leave, not this time so she had pushed and pushed, anything she could to get him to leave and now she knew it wouldn't work and she knew Bella was right. She was the only one that could fix him, could heal him and he was the only one that could fix her, heal the broken parts that no one else could. "I can't," she finally managed to get out, voice barely audible she shakes her head. "I won't. I won't leave you again, Brooks. I won't- I promise." And she finally reaches for him, pulling herself closer to his frame as her forehead meets his own and her eyes remain trained on his own, digits resting against both sides of his jawline. "I'm here, okay," her voice is a whisper even though they're alone in his apartment. "I'm here, baby, I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'll make a deal with the devil, I'll- I'll do anything I have to to not leave you again, just please- please don't ask me to leave because I can't. I didn't want to then and I don't want to now."

There's something gut wrenchingly permanent about the way she speaks. As if she's already made up his mind. As if she hasn't given him a choice in the matter, yet again. She's decided that they can't be together. She's decided that he was too broken to move forward. But she doesn't understand how awful it was. How frozen in time he had felt. And still felt. "This isn't helping me, Lorelai." He finally breathes out, because what else is he supposed to say? How many times did he have to convince her in their lives, that they were meant to be together? How many times did he have to chase after her, for her to realize that? He's always going to find her. No matter what. Even in death, if it were to come again, he would look for her. "You think pushing me away is going to help? You think telling me that we can't be together, is going to make me unbroken?" There's a shift in the air now, and he's too hurt to think about it anymore. "You dying was the worst thing that has ever happened to me." Tongue pushes against the inside of his cheek, and he can hear his own voice beginning to crack. You could see through the each breath. "But this? Having you in front of me? Talking, smiling-- laughing? God, do you know how many times I laid awake at night, trying to remember your laugh? It fucking broke me. I tried every day to remember you. Pictures, videos, voicemails. Just so I didn't forget the way you sounded when you told me you loved me for the last time. And every night, it slipped further and further away from. I fell off again, I started-- drinking again because I could see you every time I passed out. And then that started to go away too. So I got high-- and finally you were there again. And it tore me apart." His hand rests on his chest, and he's running them through his hair next sucking in a breath. "I kept getting high, until Bella pulled me out of it. And when I was sober again, I felt it all. Every memory. Every haunting glimpse of you. There was no peace for me either."

He could feel his hands start to shake, the way they did when he got too worked up. The way he felt when he'd gone through withdraws. So he takes a cigarette from his back pocket, and tugs it between his teeth, flickering the lighter and inhaling. He'd started smoking again after the second time he got sober-- even that reminded him of her. She hated it back then. He's taking a few steps towards the window, opening it and ashing the bud on the fire escape. His gaze though, it's following her. It's listening. And he wants to reach out for her- fuck, that's all he wants. But she's right-- he wouldn't survive this a second time. "You dying was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But this? This would beat it." And he doesn't mean to sound as selfish as he did. Didn't mean for it to be an ultimatum. "I can't imagine living in a world, moving on, while you're still in it. I couldn't do it while you were dead-- and I can't do it now. I can't. It fucking hurts, Lorelai. Looking at you, not being able to kiss you. Not being able to touch you. Watching you pull away.."

He's taking another inhale now, blowing the smoke outside so that the smell of it doesn't linger. "I hate that you don't think I could understand. I hate that you think because you're different now, that I wouldn't still love you. That I wouldn't love every version of you, on any version of us." He's exhausted, he's pulling and pulling at a tether that was withering with each tug. "You think I'm the best version of myself? You think that the Brooks you were with before, is still here? I wasn't lying to you when I said he died the night you did. But if it means that I get to keep this, if it means that I can be your peace now, then I'll be whoever you want me to be. I'll love whoever you are now. Tomorrow. A decade. It doesn't fucking matter." And before she can speak again, flicking the cigarette to the ground outside the fire escape. "There is no moving on without you. I can't do it. And I can't sit here and listen to you tell me not to love you. Not to be with you when you're right here. If you think I could---" There's another pause, and the regret is already set in his tone. "Then just-- leave." And the new worst day of his life, would start tonight.

#~there's nothing that I wouldn't do I'll find my way back to you; Brooks #~CAUSE EVERYBODY WANTS SOMETHING FROM ME NOW AND I DON'T WANNA LET 'EM DOWN; LORELAI DUNN

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judgement-free-sideblog · 5 years ago

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Ghosts from the rain forest

As I previously stated Captain James Conrad is my favorite character from Tom Hiddleston, and I think I took long enough to write this.

Summary: A simple rescue mission will bring him back to a place full of nightmares, and maybe this time he could find redemption. Situated in 1975, 2 years after the events of Skull Island.

James Conrad x Reader

Warnings: Violence, blood, wounds, mentions of war, cursing.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 1: A Wedding and a mission

The flash of a camera went off and the women in their long gowns smiled, frozen in place before immediately move so the next group of people could get their pictures taken.

"Must be nice to take pictures of flower girl's and bridesmaids for a change" He said to the photographer that seemed pretty uncomfortable in the dress she was wearing but still managed to put a knee on the ground to capture the little nice of the bride and her flower basket.

"What from wild animals and dangerous creatures? Have you seen San Lin this morning when the officiant was late?" Weaver took the hand he offered and stood up "In any case how are you dealing with being back in society, how is the arm?" He instinctively touch the place were a couple months before some vicious fangs almost ripped it off, after that and some days at the hospital Brooks had prevent him to going back to the field and he had ended up as best man in his wedding with San Lin.

"It's better, but I feel I could die from boredom, how is the new job going?" Mason was now part of an anthropology expedition to Etiopia and the recent discovery of Lucy have kept her busy to be around with him or Monarch, it was for the best, she wanted to change the world and lately there was little to no advance in their understanding of the origin of those creatures, so they might as well start trying to understand human's.

"Would it be rude if I said it's amazing?" He grin at her, he was happy she had found something that made her happy, especially since their attempt at being together didn't work out, and he was glad that at least they have managed to save a friendship "I'm meeting so many people and the things they have found, it's just incredible. You should come with me sometime, well if Houston doesn't send you to Antarctica to find more MUTOs, Lin says he wants to talk to you" She pointed behind him and walked away muttering "Good luck" while the groom approached him with two glasses of champagne in his hands.

"Conrad," Houston said firmly putting his hand on his shoulder after giving him one of the glasses, after those years and missions he had grown to respect that men deeply "are you enjoying the pary?" He seemed nervous, as if he was searching for the right way to bring up something.

"Plenty Brooks, I hope Lin and you to be very happy" He said hopping the small talk would encourage him to talk.

"James I have a favor to ask you" He said finally after a big sip of his drink "I understand you are still on medical leave, and in no shape to travel, but this... I mean this is not as dangerous as your previous assignments, and truly I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important" he keep babbling getting nowhere for a minute before James interrupted him.

"Can you tell me what it is? Before you faint and your wife take it on me" Conrad pointed a chair and once both men were sitting Houston spoke calmly.

"Is Randa's daughter, she is lost in some jungle and I need you to get her out of there" He had a desperate look on his eyes.

"I didn't knew he was married or that he had a daughter" Conrad tried to make some sense out of the situation.

"Yeah well after he was discredited for his research on Monarch they grow apart, Y/N, I mean Dr. Y/L/N she goes bye her mother's maiden name" James can understand that, if wasn't because he had actually seen the subjects of said research he would also have said the man was crazy.

"And you said she is lost?" The story was turning interesting for Conrad since Randa never strike him as a fatherly man.

"She worked in the development of agriculture technology, when the Vietnam war started she changed paths and became an humanitarian, so she is in every war zone, or isolated place where she could help people, before we went to skull island Randa was trying to found her, to reconnect with her, and I recently had news that she is lost in the middle of a political conflict in Asia" He said and now Conrad could see where he fit in the story and a had a bad feeling about it.

"Where is she? And why do you need me specifically to find her?" James asked.

"Malaysia" He said and he could feel a strain of pain in his chest about that place, not sure at all if he wanted to go back there. "The last record we have of her is she fled Borneo to carry food and medicine to some villages in Malaysia, and I know is the last thing you want to do, but I don't think there's anyone else who could help me" that was definitely not something he wanted to be doing at his wedding.

"How do you know she is alive?" He asked knowing too Well he was about to make a bad choice.

"We intercepted a telegram about a delivery of medicine in Bandar Seri Begawan, she might be there to pick up things and go back to the forest"

"So she is not lost, just avoiding you?" Conrad was not stupid, but as far as he knew there were no wild vicious creatures in that island so he could actually go there. "Fine I'll go, but it's a favor to you on your wedding day, you can't ever ask for anything else" He said very seriously and Houston knew he was telling the truth.

You look at the post card one last time before turning down your light, there was another week in the forest surrounded by humid nights and mosquitoes before you have to go back to civilization to pick up more medicine, and you couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

That was the last you have known from Randa, a postcard from Washington almost two years ago, it wasn't that wired since he often disappeared for months but the cryptic message on it was telling you maybe this time something have happened to him. "I finally got him baby, you'll see" you shake those feelings out of your head, then you remember the letter you got from some guy in DC named Brooks one year ago, about you needing to come home, and his multiple attempts to contact you. Your heart already knew what had happened to him, but your mind was conveniently avoiding facing it, and you preferred it that way.

You finally fall asleep thinking there was nothing that could actually change your life, nor even your father god knows where in the other side of the world or creepy guys from Monarch.

#captain james conrad #james conrad #james conrad x reader #james conrad x you #james conrad imagine #captain james conrad x you #captain james conrad x reader #angst #adventure #tom hiddleston #kong skull island #kong skull island fanfiction #mason weaver #Houston Brooks

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dukereviewstv · 5 years ago

Text

Duke Reviews TV: Smallville 1x09 Rogue

Hi, Everyone, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews Tv Where We Are Continuing Our Look At Smallville By Talking About Episode 9 Of Season 1, Rogue

This Episode Sees Clark's Secret Being Discovered By Sam Phelan, A Corrupt Metropolis Cop Who Decides To Blackmail Clark, Meanwhile, Lex Works With An Old Flame, Victoria Hardwick (Played By Model Kelly Brook) To Take Over Their Parents Companies...

So, Let's Watch Rogue To See How It All Goes Down...

The Episode Starts At A Gala In Metropolis, Where Clark Is With His Buddy Lex To See Museum's Latest Aquirement, A Jeweled Armor That Was Worn By Alexander The Great...

But It Turns Out That Clark Wasn't The Only One Lex Invited To The Gala As Lana Is There Too With Whitney (Who's Playing The Role Of A Professional Wallflower Tonight Instead Of A Quarterback) Inviting Clark To Their Table, Lana, Lana Goes Off To Rip Aunt Nell Away From The Jewelry Exhibit...

Why? It's Not Like She's A Kleptomaniac Or A Thief Or Something, Oh, Wait...

Going Outside For Air, Clark Runs Into Lex Who Thinks He's Running Away From Lana Which Leads Him To Say That If He Isn't Going To Get Lana If He Keeps Running Away From Whitney, Which Is True But Clark Doesn't See Whitney As His Enemy....

Which Leads Lex To Remind Clark About The Phrase "Keep Your Friends, Close But Your Enemies Closer" But As The 2 Boys Talk They're Interrupted By An Old Flame Of Lex's, Victoria Hardwick Who Lex Would Rather Talk To So He Tells Clark That They'll Chat Later...

Meanwhile, Outside Of The Gala, We Meet Detective Sam Phelan, A Corrupt Cop Who's Hassling Some Hood To Get Him Information From Internal Affairs, Telling The Guy He Has 24 Hours To Do So. Going Out For Air Like He Said, Clark Sees A Bus Go Out Of Control As The Driver Has A Heart Attack...

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(Start At 3:16)

The Next Day, Clark Helps His Dad And Mom With What I Believe To Be A Tractor Engine While He Tells Both Of His Parents About What Happened With The Bus Which His Mom Is Proud Of Him But His Dad Again Worries If Somebody Saw Him...

Meanwhile In Metropolis, Phelan Blackmails A Security Guard To Give Him Pictures Of The Museum Gala To Find Out The Mystery Of Who The Person Who Stopped The Bus Was Only For Him To Discover That He Knows Lex Luthor...

Back In Smallville, We Cut To The Luthor Mansion To That Lex Brought Victoria Back To Smallville Where She Tells Lex The Real Reason That She Looked Him Up...

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(Start At 2:41)

Meanwhile, At The Torch, Principal Kwan Is Having A Problem With The Way The Torch Is Being Run To The Point That He Fires Chloe And Suspends All Issues Until A New Editor Can Be Found...

What The Hell Is Going On With This Town? Someone Tells The Truth About What's Going On And Parents Get Get All Stir Crazy! I'll Tell You What The Real Truth Is...

Lana Promises Chloe She'll Talk With Kwan, But Chloe Doesn't Have Much Hope...

Arriving In Smallville, Phelan Runs Into Lex At The Beanery As He Tells Lex That He's Looking For A Witness To The Bus Accident Who Just So Happens To Be Clark. But Not Happy Phelan's In Town, Lex Tells Phelan He Has No Clue Who He Is...

Which Forces Phelan To Find Clark On His Own, Which Unfortunately He Does, By DROPPING THE TRACTOR ENGINE ON HIM!...

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(Start At 2:13, End At 3:34)

Telling His Parents About Phelan, They Maybe A Little Upset But They're Not Mad At Him As Jonathan Just Tells Clark To Leave Phelan To Them, Later That Night, Lex Drops By The Loft To Talk With Clark About Being Involved In A Police Investigation And That Phelan Came To Talk With Him Which Led Lex To Discover The Investigation Was Already Ended...

Warning Clark To Be Careful Of Phelan , He Tells Clark About His History With Him, Saying That He's Not Only A Dirty Cop But The Type Of Cop That Does Whatever It Takes To Get The Job Done And If He Has Something On Clark, He'll Use It...

Visiting Phelan At The Beanery, He Tells That All He Wants Is Clark's Help To Further His Cause, To Which Jonathan Tells Him No, This Puts Phelan To The Point Of Blackmail Stating That If He Doesn't, Clark's Life Will Be Under The Microscope Which Pisses Off Jonathan....

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(Start At 3:45)

Meanwhile At The Torch, Lana Comes In With Good News And Bad News, The Good News Is The Paper's Reopened, The Bad News Is That Kwan Chose Her To Be The New Editor, Which Causes Chloe To Blow Her Chips Despite Telling Her That It Was The Only Way To Get Kwan To Reopen The Paper And Until They Could Come Up With A Better Plan She Thought Maybe Chloe Could Ghostwrite...

Which Is A Good Plan To Point Clark Thinks It's A Good Idea, Which Causes Chloe To Completely Freak Out Because "You'd Always Side With Lana" No, It's Called You Don't Have A Leg To Stand On Chloe (Hell, You Don't Have A Leg To Stand On In Real Life Right Now) And It's Better Than Nothing (Like King Julian From Madagascar) So, Shut Up! You're So Annoying!

Confronting Clark At The Beanery, Phelan Tells Him To Get In His Car, But Clark Tells Him No To Which Pushes Phelan Him More Saying In His Own Way That He'll Hurt His Family If He Doesn't Get In The Car...

Later That Evening, Lex Has Dinner With Victoria, Who Asks Lex If He's Considered Their Proposal To Which Lex Says That He Didn't Even Have To Go Over It As He Knows Their Real Plan Which Is To...

No, Nothing That Diabolical, But...

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(Start At 2:17)

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Meanwhile In Metropolis, Phelan Wants Clark To Do What He Asked That Other Guy To Do: Steal His File From Internal Affairs, Which Is In A Safe On The Fifth Floor And Says That If He Does This He'll Never Bother Him Again And So, Clark Goes Into The Apartment To Get The Safe, However...

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(Start At 2:07)

See Ya In 25 To Life, Pal!...

Coming In Late Last Night, Clark Tells His Parents That He Was Working At The Torch Which Leads Jonathan To Ask If Phelan Has Contacted Him To Which Clark Tells Him That They Shouldn't Worry As He Thinks That Phelan Is Out Of Their Lives Forever...

But Then Sheriff Ethan Arrives To Search The Kent Farm On Tip From Metropolis PD Where In The Garage They Find A Dead Body In The Barn And A Gun In Jonathan's Car Which Forces Them To Arrest Jonathan For Suspicion Of Murder.

Knowing That Phelan Is Behind This, Clark Tries To Stop Them From Arresting His Father To Which Jonathan Tells Him To Just Be Strong...

Confronted By Phelan, He Tells Clark That He Expected Him To Double Cross Him And That A Person With His Job Comes Up Not Only One Back Up Plan But 10...

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(Start At 2:34, End At 3:17)

Talking With Lana At The Torch, About How Feels Like He's Complicating His Parents Lives, She Tells Him Not To Blame Himself For What's Going On With His Dad As She Tells Clark About A Time She Tried Running Away To Metropolis Only To Be Found By Nell, Who She Asked If She Regretted Adopting Her To Which Nell Said That It Was The Best Thing She Ever Did...

Going To See His Dad In Jail...

(Clark) Now I Know How Barry Allen Feels...

He Tells Jonathan About Last Night With Phelan Saying That He Didn't Have A Choice Saying That He Was Trying To Protect Them And When Phelan Came Back When Jonathan Was Arrested He Wanted To Kill Phelan But He Didn't. This Leads Jonathan To Tell His Son That While He's One To Know About Losing His Temper, Clark But Clark Can't Afford To Lose His Temper Or His Anger Because Once He Crosses That Line, There's No Going Back...

(Clark) Yeah, But What If? And This Is A One In A Million Scenario, Dad Some Crazy Madman Who Looks Like A Clown Ties A Nuke Detonator To The Heart Of The Person I Love Who's Carrying My Unborn Child And Forces Me To Kill Her By Using, Oh, I Don't Know Let's Call It Fear Gas That Has Kryptonite In It So It'll Affect Me And Once Said Person Is Dead, The Entire City Blows Up?...

(Jonathan) Then Fine, You Have My Permission To Kill That Person...

Years Later...

Running Into Lex, He Knows That His Father Is Innocent And Offers To Get Jonathan The Best Lawyers In The State, But Clark Tells Him That He Doesn't Think Any Lawyer Is Going To Be Able To Help Him Which Leads Lex To Believe That It's Phelan Doing This Which Leads Lex To Ask What Phelan Has On Him? To Which Clark Tells Him To Stay Out Of It...

But Saying That He Doesn't Stand A Chance If He Takes On Phelan By Himself Clark Tells Him That Phelan Told That He Has Secrets Which Lex Admits He Does But The One Thing He Doesn't Want To See Is Clark And His Family Get Hurt By Phelan But Clark Refuses Saying That He Needs To This On His Own...

That Night, Clark Is Confronted By Phelan In The Barn As He Tells Him That After Last Night, Phelan Has Internal Affairs Poking Their Noses Where They Don't Belong So He Wants Clark's Help To Pull One Last Job But Clark Says Fine, Tell The Whole World About Me I Just Don't Give A Damn Anymore Which Leads Phelan To Tell Him To Think About His Parents...

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(Start At 4:00)

Getting In The Car With Phelan They're Tailed By Lex As They Head To The Museum Where Phelan Decides That Instead Of Picking Up His Internal Affairs Records, He Wants To Pick Up His Retirement Package By Stealing Alexander The Great's Breastplate By Shutting Down The Security System And Faking A Bomb Threat To Get The Guards Outside...

With Lex Outside, He Notices The Guards Coming Out Of The Building To Check Out The "Bomb" Which Turns Out To Be Just A Damn Clock!

So, With The Breastplate In Hand And Bag, Clark Tosses It Outside To The Guards And Lex..

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(Start At 3:27, End At 4:27)

I Wouldn't Be Shocked If That Happened After Clark Left...

But It Didn't Instead We Get A Shootout With Phelan Getting Shot By The Cops, But When Lex Asks Phelan What He Had On Clark, All He Tells Him Before He Dies Is "Go To Hell, Luthor"...

So, With Phelan Dead, The Charges Against Jonathan Are Dropped As The Kents Wonder What Will Happen When The Next Phelan Shows Up?...

Yeah, It'll Be Sooner Than You Think, Guys, Sooner Than You Think...

Meanwhile At School, Lana Prints A Story Within Kwan's Criteria That Manages To Piss Him Off, Believing Lana Only Wrote It To Get Chloe Re-Hired Lana Tells Kwan She Did It Because Chloe Was Born For This Job...

To Which Kwan Says That He Admires Her Passion, But Her Reporting Lacks Accuracy In Which Chloe Enters To Say That She'll Work On It So, Yeah Kwan Gives Chloe Back Her Job On The Condition That She Doesn't Print What She Can't Prove...

With Chloe Apologizing For Flipping Out On Lana Saying That When She Butted In On The Newspaper, She Thought That Lana Was Trying To Cut Clark Out Of Her Life As It's The Only They Do Together, Which Is A Dumb Excuse...

Yeah, Rational Is The Last Thing I'd Peg You For Right Now, Chloe...

But Saying She Wants To Be Friends With Her, Lana Tells Chloe That If There's Something Going On With Her And Clark, She Doesn't Want To Stand In The Way Of That But Chloe Just Tells Lana That There's Nothing Between Her And Clark And They're Just Good Friends...

Later That Night At The Luthor Mansion, Lex Goes Over Footage From Phelan's Attempt To Rob The Breastplate But All He Sees Is A Black Blur Which He Pauses To See Nothing!

And That's Rogue And It's Okay...

Don't Get Me Wrong, It Seems Like A Good Episode But It's Just Not One Of My Favorites And I Admit Freely That When I Look Back At The Series I Don't Watch It Despite The Story Being Okay And The Regular Characters Being All Right I Just Don't Like Phelan As A Character And Unfortunately We're Not Done With Him On, No He Didn't Survive Being Shot By The Museum's Security Guards But He Does Appear In A Flashback In An Upcoming Episode Called Zero Which Goes Over An Incident In Lex's Past At Place Called Club Zero Which Has Been Mentioned Before This Episode By Roger Nixon In The 4th Episode Of This Season, X-Ray But Even If I Don't Like This Episode I'm Not Going To Stop Anyone Else From Liking This Episode So I Say See It...

Till Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off...

#smallville #the wb #the cw #tom welling #kristen kreuk #michael rosenbaum

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sadgirlrobot · 3 years ago

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Journal Entry #2, 3-4-22

What a day. I meant to write this down yesterday, but it's 1:30am now. I'm having a hard time thinking how best to organize it all. I woke up way too early to string of messages from AM. It's been nice having someone to text back & forth with all day. I seem to surround myself with people who don't realize how great they are. It feels like my life's work - not just to convince them, but ensure they believe it themselves. I made it to work on time...ish. The morning was a flurry of work related items, and I felt productive. Ajia mentioned "...another Brooke mom crisis" at 8:19 and I didn't think anything of it. I thought it was referring to a meme I sent her because Brooke's mom broke one of her vases last night. Around 9:45am, Brooke texts me (and she almost never does) and talks about how crazy shit happened, I should come over "whenever" for "coffee and recap". I knew this was related to her mom but assumed mom was asleep. Then another two texts, "last night a NIGHTMARE" and "I feel like I'm going to be sick." Didn't even think, told my boss I was dealing with a family emergency (Brooke is family). Got to Brooke's 15 minutes later with an ambulance blocking the front entrance. Saw Carla next to it, standing. First thought was fear - is Brooke okay? Then APD pulls up. An officer goes up Brooke's stairs and if nothing else, fuck the cops, I'm going to be a witness. Ask the officer if I can go in, she's a friend. He lets me up and as soon as she sees me, she drops everything and gives me the biggest hug. Starts recapping everything for the officer. Brooke is slightly manic, agitated, but polite and forthright. Her apartment is trashed - broken glass everywhere. Clumps of her hair on the couch. I've watched Carla when she is tripping her ass off - it looks like a psychotic break. This isn't the first time Brooke has dealt with this. Won't be the last, likely. What is it about our parents that makes us continually engage even as they actively harm us? What does it say about me that I wouldn't hesitate to excise them from my life? The APD officer who was speaking to Carla comes up. Asks if Brooke wants to press charges - she doesn't. Says she just wants the police to get her to the airport. I turn to the officer and say if they can't find someone, I'll do it. I guess Ajia tried to get her to leave earlier and she refused. Cops convince her to go. The second cop looks at me, makes small talk. This would be a different situation if they weren't white. Fuck the police. Cop asks if Brooke has any friends who will take Carla to the airport. She starts to mention Ajia, but hey, I'm there. Carla asks where Ajia is, and I start to worry she won't come with me. Chipper and friendly, "No worries. Ajia's asleep. I'll take care of you." Moms love me. She's ranting a bit about everything, but not heated. Moves back and forth between her belongings. I'm not in a rush, let her do her thing and calm down. One of the cops hangs around until I pull away. Carla repeats herself a lot, I nod and make small noises of assent. Talk about how hard it is. We go to McD's, told Brooke I'd feed her mom. Even as she's utterly devastated, she loves her mom, cares for her, acts like the parent - just as she has her whole life. Carla doesn't deserve her love, but she has it all the same. Carla asks me for drugs in the car. Has she been lucid at any point this trip? Have I ever met her sober? Probably not. Drop off was smooth, if drawn out. Get back and Brooke looks lost. Stunned. Relieved. It's after 11:00 now. Maybe noon? Takeke the rest of the day off. Not like I could get anything done worried anyways. Brooke and I talk for a long while. She cancels her wellness coach appointment. We talk - a lot. It's nice feeling closer to her, even if the circumstances suck. Helping felt nice too.

"Hey Brooke, speaking of how shitty Raven is, and how wonderful Ajia is, can I tell you a maybe not so secret secret?" "You're in love with her?" I guess it's pretty obvious. Brooke said she knew from the moment she met me. She even said so to Ajia a few times, and apparently Ajia just blew it off. Ajia is so fucking smart and so closed off, it's hard to know what she really thinks. Broke gave me some advice - ignore her, talk about dates and other connections. Kinda treat her like shit a little? Which I can see working, but that's not me. I spent 14 years trying to be what someone else wanted me to be. I won't again, especially if it means accting in a way that's totally anathema to who I am as a person. I'll content myself with heartache and being her friend if that's the case. Though some of what Brooke suggested is already stuff I'm doing: Allowing more distance, talking about dates. Things I'd talk to a friend about. It's interesting to still feel that ache. I want to see her, spend time with her, be close, emotionally and in proximity. It's settled into dull, though. Bearable. Hopefully it persists through another period of no spoons. Hopefully I can avoid running out of spoons at all. Baby steps, though.

I feel like I'm settling in to "me." I'm not trying to change myself for others. Or at least not for long, anyways. Things with Katie are interesting. Over test she can be hot & cold. I know this isn't a "me" thing - she has a life, & I share a very small part of it. She's always present on our dates, though. She's so aware and introspective. It's so fucking refreshing to be honest.She says so much of her life is hard fought and the awareness and instrospection and honest and communication are all relatively new to her. She's a work in progress, but aren't we all? And she's doing the work herself. She's not a "project" to "fix" or "save". Her maturity level matches mine in a way I find incredibly appealing. And she's so pretty. Last Saturday she was dressed so casually and I still found myself thinking: "oh, this beautiful woman is here to ME." I am so gay. I wonder what her lips taste like. Is she a good kisser? That first kiss is always interesting. Maybe we'll find out Sunday.

#journal #self-discovery #musings #personal #meh #personal post #self

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