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kathyprior4200 · 10 months

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Seven Heavenly Virtues of the Halos!

Metatron and Sandalphon – closest to God, supervises archangels, Born-Again Council, and Shem HaMephorash, protects Empyrean/Panangelorium, create music

Michael – Sky Blue/Sun/Sunday/Humility (Halo 1, bottom, closest to Earth and Hell) (Opposite: Lucifer/Pride)

Duty: General of the heavenly host army, supervises Exorcists (along with Adina and Samael) and watches over humanity and saints

Gabriel – White/Moon/Monday/Charity (Halo 2) (Opposite: Mammon/Greed)

Duty: Sends messages to Earth and in Heaven, head of entertainment and communication technology

Camael –Light Pink/Mars/Tuesday/Chasity (Halo 3) (Opposite: Asmodeus/Lust)

Duty: Track and attempt to stop the succubi and incubi from leading mortals to sin, sternly organize marriage, abstinence, relationships in Heaven, Powers leader

Raphael –Light Green/Mercury/Wednesday/Diligence (Halo 4) (Opposite: Belphegor/Sloth)

Duty: Heal mortals and denizens in Heaven, oversees hospitals and medicine, track and attempt to stop plague demons and drugs from entering Earth

Uriel (genderless)– Light Red/Patience/Thursday (Halo 5) (Opposite: Satan/Wrath)

Duty: Spread the light/flame/wisdom of God, bring people to faith, education system, teaches meditation and wisdom and balance, honored as a seraphim guru (like Satan is revered in Hell)

Jophiel (female) – Yellow/Venus/Friday/Temperance (Halo 6) (Opposite: Beelzebub/Gluttony)

Duty: Works with Haniel (female) to spread art, music, love, and creativity

Zadkiel – Light Purple/Saturday/Kindness (Halo 7) (Opposite: Leviathan/Envy)

Duty: Spread kindness, equality, and spiritual harmony to those in Heaven, alchemy

All the angels have a powerful giant angel form with many eyes and wings like Seraphim.

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Archangel Michael/"Mikey": Lucifer's younger brother, second oldest. Typically has a white face, red spots on his cheeks like Lucifer's, short wavy blond hair, sky blue eyes, muscular physique, with blue armor made of indestructible gems. He carries a flaming sword called Excalibur. He calls Lucifer "Luci," much to his dislike and his nickname is "Mikey," by his siblings...he and Lucifer fight the most. Michael was in charge of the Seven Heavenly Virtues, and Heaven's army the Heavenly Host. He was the one who defeated and banished Lucifer in battle. He was sad to see his brother fall, but his loyalty was to his father. After Lucifer's fall, Michael took his place as the head/favored angel. Michael soon worked with his siblings to maintain order in Heaven, even allowing the Exorcists to cleanse and kill sinners in Hell. He and many Archangels disagree with the brutal methods of Adam, Adina and Samael against the demons...but their influence and pride had been effective for centuries. Michael is the head of Security and the Heavenly Army...inspecting angelic weapons and helping to keep heaven safe from invaders and the eyes of mortals. Michael's planet is the Sun, and his confidence and willpower are powerful. Although prideful and stern at times, he cares for his family and God.

Due to his heroic deeds in the Heaven/Hell War, Michael was promoted as the Virtue of the Humility Halo, watching over the saint former humans and also providing protection to mortals on Earth.

Appearance: white face, short blond hair, blue eyes, muscular, masculine, holds blue flame sword and shield, often wears blue and gold armor/suits, God's right-hand man

Michael's favorite instrument is the guitar and he could easily beat Adam in a music contest.

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Archangel Gabriel/"Gabe": third oldest of the siblings, Virtue ruler of Charity, pure and kind-hearted. "Gabe" is his nickname. He has the same white face with red spots as his siblings, though can take on a more human-like appearance. He often has long brown-blond hair, green-yellow eyes, wears white and gold outfits and wears silver crescent moon earrings. Gabriel is destined to blow the trumpet on Judgment Day. He has helped souls into Heaven and sends messages from God to prophets and individuals on Earth. In fact, Gabriel can travel to any Halo and world at will. He is the founder of Communications, technology and social media in Heaven. Gabriel is one of the most powerful and popular Virtues...in Charity he created his own crystal amusement park with a water park added to it. He loves to entertain denizens and displays traits of all 7 virtues. Like Mammon, he is well-known, with a unique entertaining presence. Like his symbols the Moon and water, he is changeable, adaptable and has a feminine nurturing side. His Truth-Telling Trumpet Toys remain a major hit item. His planet is the Moon.

Appearance: white face, long light brown-blond hair, crescent moon earrings, white suits, feminine male with soft face, hazel eyes, often holds lilies, a trumpet and a fancy cell-phone

Gabriel's favorite instrument is the trumpet and he keeps a prized trumpet in his elegant home.

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Archangel Raphael/"Raph": fourth oldest of the siblings and Virtue of Diligence. He is also ruler of the Virtues. He has black hair, green eyes, wears green robes/clothing with emeralds and often has the same white face and red cheeks of his siblings. "Raph" is his nickname. His human-like appearance is a Hispanic man. A master healer, Raphael oversees hospitals, anatomy, medicine, food, and healthcare in Heaven. He carries a caduceus with him, which allows him to heal physical, mental, emotional and spiritual issues. One of his missions is to stop the plague demons from entering Earth and spreading disease and death. He is an anti-drug advocate, always trying to expose Hell's black markets. In this way, he is the opposite of Belphegor on the Tree of Life and Belphegor the drug addict ruler in the Sloth Ring. His planet is Mercury.

Appearance: long black hair, green eyes, Hispanic wears green robes/doctor's garb, carries caduceus/medicine

Raphael's favorite instrument is the flute.

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Archangel Uriel/"Uri": fifth oldest sibling. Sometimes male, sometimes female. Uriel is the angel of wisdom, education systems, study and meditation. Apart from the usual white face and blond hair, in their human disguise, they appear as a Hindu man or woman. Uriel's true form is a flaming Seraphim and his Halo is at the very top. Uriel is the Virtue of Patience and is revered as a guru. Uriel is the head of Heaven's education and spiritual systems. Uriel hates violence, sex, and fighting and prefers quiet contemplation. He wishes Lucifer would come back and see God's side of the story, and often fears another war. Uriel can produce holy flames and fires that can purify individuals and light the way in any kind of darkness.

Appearance: flame face with single eyes - more human appearance is Hindu genderless individual

Uriel's favorite instrument is the sitar.

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Archangel Jophiel/"Jophy": Jophiel has long blonde hair, green eyes and loves to sing like Ariel the mermaid. While originally set to be a Virtue ruler, she decided to travel to all the Halos, inspecting and beautifying them for the benefit of the denizens. She is an architect and artist, using her magic and skill to bring love, happiness and harmony to everyone she meets. In her human-like form, she appears as a French woman. Her planet is Venus.

Appearance: similar to Venus: long blond hair, holds rose, green eyes, white face, wears yellow dresses, French-woman

Haniel: sister, similar looks, works with Jophiel to help beautify and build Heaven

Jophiel's favorite instrument is the violin.

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Archangel Ariel - Ariel can turn into a lion. She has long red hair and loves to sing like Ariel the mermaid. She is the head and healer of Heaven's animals and plants. She helps organize zoos, and is a patron of veterinarians.

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Archangel Zadkiel/"Zack": Zadkiel is the Virtue of Kindness, opposite of Envy in the Tree of Life. He possesses much wisdom, alchemy, mercy, and spiritual power and often wears purple. His violet flame can redeem sinners. His human-form is often a black man. He is the leader of the Dominions.

Appearance: wears purple robes, black man with short dark hair and dark eyes (can shapeshift to look more like Michael and Lucifer)

His favorite instrument is the saxophone.

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Archangel Camael/"Came" Camael is a stern but loving ruler of the Chasity Halo, also the ruler of the Powers. He is the opposite of Asmodeus in the Tree of Life. His planet is Mars, representing his strong sense of justice. He is steadfast in trying to eliminate the threat of Asmodeus' succubi and incubi luring humans to sin on Earth. Camael is a strong warrior who often wears pink, aside form the white face/blonde/hair and red spots on cheek appearance, his human-like form is an Italian man with short black hair. He enforces stern rules regarding marriage, sexuality and relationships, favoring married relationships for procreation. Denizens in Chasity can go to Archangel Barachiel for therapy about marriage and family life.

Appearance: white face, short brown hair, brown eyes, wears pink armor, carries short sword, wears pink/magenta suits

His favorite instrument is the lyre.

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Archangel Cassiel/"Cassie," Stern and observant, he rules over law, justice and karma, his planet being Saturn. His human-like appearance is that of an old man. Very conservative, he doesn't like loud parties, drugs, sex or the like, preferring classical elegance. He frequently works with Samael and Michael to judge souls.

His favorite instrument is the grand piano.

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Archangel Sandalphon/"Sandy" one of the younger angels, in charge of watching over Earth and translating messages from the divine to humans. His favorite instrument is all the instruments, for he is the Angel of Music and maker of instruments. He teaches music and songs to every denizen, sometimes giving mortals advice. He has his blond hair/white face forms but his human-like form is brown curly short hair with brown eyes and white skin. He wears earthly colors like brown, green and gold. Sandalphon hosts parties and musicals and is well-known in holiday celebrations. He also has a knack for pranking his siblings, teasing Gabriel about his trumpet, Michael about his sword, Uriel about his books and Raphael about his sometimes OCD traits.

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Archangel Metatron/"Meta" a Seraph angel and head of the other angels. He has six fiery wings of rainbow colors with eyes on them. He is the Scribe of God and often guards Empyrean, the place where God resides. He often works with Michael to plan defenses against the threats of Hell. He has a Book of Life which contains the information of every soul in existence. He reviews all the plans of the cherubs, the Shem HaMephorash, Powers, Thrones, and others. He is the creator of Metatronics, advanced technology to benefit those in heaven and to spy on the demons and mortals. Metatron has a similar appearance to Jesus but without the laid-back "hippie" personality.

Metatron loves musicals and can manifest music out of thin air.

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Samael: An Archangel "Poison of God" is the neutral good/evil angel of divine justice. He frequently is seen with sleek blond hair, black wings, medals of honor, and weapons. Like Adina and Adam the Exorcist, he enjoys punishing and torturing sinners. He is one of the leaders of the divine purgatory council where souls meet in a separate place and are purified before entering Heaven or are banished to Hell. He is immune to fire and is a skilled fighter.

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Azrael/"Azra": Angel of Death. He has long black hair, a gaunt pale face, wears black and carries a scythe. He somberly takes his duty seriously, reaping souls and providing comfort to the dead. He is introverted, keeping to himself in the dark. He plays music at funerals and sings healing laments.

In Heavenly Boss, Azrael has a wife Flora, and a daughter Quartet.

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Adina: Adina is an angel and villain in Zoophobia and Heaven Hotel/Heavenly Boss. Underneath her glowing angel serene appearance lies a cold-hearted witch who delights in tormenting sinners and demons with their darkest fears. She is a master manipulator, luring people into a false sense of security and manipulating other villains to take her side, like the dragon Fitch, the religious preacher cat Leeson, and the Exorcist Adam. She is a white angel with a glowing teal scarf with Christian Crosses on them that she wraps around demons to trap them. She says discriminatory things such as "There is no mercy for the damned," and "Just remember, it's for the greater good," and "Purging the universe of all sinners and flaws, such is the will of the Lord." She is nicknamed the "Mother of Exorcists", and the "Dragon-Taming Bitch."

#heavenlyboss #heavenhotel #2phelluvaboss #2phazbinhotel

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kathyprior4200 · 4 years

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Heavenly Boss Pilot

“In HEAVEN, elves and cherubs are the lowest in society, but what happens when an elf starts a protection business in a parallel realm? This happens! Follow Docile (the "e" is silent) as he attempts to run a startup protection company, along with his healing specialist Tirred, his mediator Timmid and his receptionist Heaven feline Sunna. With the help of the Bible, they manage to make their business possible. Can they keep their business afloat?”

Heaven was a marvelous paradise that sat proudly atop fluffy clouds of blue, orange, pink and white. It was located on a white planet surrounded by a large glowing halo like a planetary ring. It was located above Earth and Hell. The denizens of Heaven included God, His Archangels (Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, etc.), Adina, Jesus Christ, Mary and many others. Lucifer used to live there until he was banished for disobeying God. Although Heaven seemed like perfection, the elite angels were ignorant to the suffering demons in Hell. To them, the demons were diseased foreigners who didn’t deserve to go to Heaven. Humans weren’t much better…they had to meet near impossible standards of the Seven Virtues to go to Heaven. The majority of humanity was flawed in their eyes, only destined for doom, death and destruction. In addition, white straight Christian men always got front row seats in terms of privilege.

Heaven and Hell each had different hierarchies parallel to each other, plus seven districts or levels, corresponding to the sins and virtues.

The seven Archdemons ruled the Seven Rings of Hell.

Lucifer ruled the first Ring of Pride (red instead of purple), the location of I.M.P., Hazbin Hotel and the only place where sinners could dwell.

Mammon, a greedy wolf, ruled the second Ring of Greed (green instead of yellow), the location of Loo-Loo Land.

Asmodeus a.k.a. ”Ozzie” ruled the third Ring of Lust (dark blue).

Leviathan ruled the fourth Ring of Envy (purple instead of green), the location of underwater Mal-antis (Hell Alantis) and where the von Eldritch family may have come from.

Beelzebub, the fly lord, ruled the fifth Ring of Gluttony (yellow instead of orange).

Satan, the red goat, ruled the sixth Ring of Wrath (orange instead of red), where Moxxie and Millie were from.

Belphegor, the inventor sloth, ruled the seventh Ring of Sloth (pink instead of light blue).

In contrast, the seven Archangels ruled the Seven Halos of Heaven.

Michael, Lucifer’s brother and rival, ruled the first Halo of Humility (teal blue instead of lavender), the location of Holy City, (possibly C.H.E.R.U.B.) and the do-gooder saints.

Camael ruled the second Halo of Charity (pink instead of tan). It was the location of the Woo-Hoo Land theme park.

Uriel, the wisdom angel, ruled the third Halo of Chasity (yellow instead of indigo).

Zadkiel, the mercy angel, ruled the fourth Halo of Loyalty/Faith/Kindness (Light green instead of lime).

Raphael, the healer, ruled the fifth Halo of Temperance (Dark blue instead of gold).

Jophiel, angel of beauty, ruled the sixth Halo of Patience (Indigo instead of light pink).

Gabriel, the messenger, ruled the seventh Halo of Diligence (Earthly forest green instead of teal).

Heaven consisted of the ethereal alien-like Heavenborn angels and the animal-like saints (mortal souls gone to Heaven, opposite of sinners). Both the Heavenborn and Hellborn were of higher class than the former humans. Like in Hell, everyone could transform into higher forms at will. God, Michael and Lucifer alike had inner circles of officials. Heaven had archangels but no overlords. Territory was shared but saints most often resided in Holy City in the Halo of Humility. They were free to have children, pursue jobs and be themselves within limits. The Exorcist weapons could kill demons but not angels unless they were supercharged. Like Hell, Heaven also had mythological creatures that resided. Cherubs, little angels that looked like bees, deer and sheep, helped save human lives and blessed them with love. They resided in the cloudy Cherub Towne.

Holy City was the main capital of Heaven like Pentagram City in Hell. Shining buildings of gold, silver, marble and other materials glinted in the sunlight. At night, the sky was filled with brilliant bright stars and the glowing teal blue Christian Cross hovering over Holy City. The Exorcists, brainwashed angels fitted with body-fitting vulture-like suits, would be busy training in a lower part of Heaven, separate from the rest of society like the military. The denizens of Heaven were both humanoid and had animal-like traits. They were often sheep, dogs, cats, doves, swans and other sacred animals (much like the bi-pedal individuals in Zoophobia). The lesser human/animal denizens had physical features of gems, harps, trumpets, wheels, chalices and other holy instruments. They could take on many-eyed Biblical angelic forms, forms that were ethereal and not human-like at all.

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Not too far away from Cherub Towne lay a beautiful area within the clouds of Heaven. A floating white sign read “Welcome to Elf City: est. 1981.” The sky was blue and the buildings and streets immaculate. The elves were considered to be of a lower class, acting in service roles like the cherubs. Do-gooders (humans who died and went to Heaven) were slightly above them, while the Heaven-Born Angels were considered the upper class.

Elves of various colors and sizes were chatting among themselves, while others walked around with their families. Many of them were hard at work: wrapping presents for Christmas, saving food to give to the homeless, cleaning a nearby park, and caring for the ill. Some of them liked to volunteer just for something to do. Some elves went around saving people’s lives, spreading love or healing their wounds.

The most well-known miracle bestowing company was located in a tall white office building surrounded by a golden halo of clouds. The building was decorated with golden wing structures arching off to the sides. The double doors had harp designs on them. Posted on a door were the words “E.L.F. Headquarters” and on a taped piece of paper, “Meeting in progress” was scribbled on it.

On a white board was a line graph and a bar graph, the line slowly moving downwards from a blue happy face with a halo to a red sad face. “Docile loves you, by Docile” was written off to the side. A white Christian Cross was drawn in the center of the wooden table surrounded by black leather chairs.

Up front, a black, white, and dark teal colored elf paced back and forth. He had large pointed dark teal ears that jutted off between the sides and top of his bald head. He had large eyes of light blue irises, white pupils and blue sclera. The left portion of his face was black and the right side of his face was dark teal. He wore a long white business suit with light blue buttons and purple circles on the sleeves with little white crosses in the centers. White boots with blue outlines covered his feet while white fingerless gloves covered his hands. A white heart-shaped mark lay on his forehead like a birthmark. A little green pin attached to his undershirt had a happy face on it. A white halo with little spikes on it hovered over his head. He also had white feathery wings folded behind him.

The elf was Docile, a serious asexual individual.

Docile looked toward his audience of two elves and a humanoid cat sitting in chairs around the table.

“All right, now I know business has been…a bit stressful lately. We’ve had to keep up demands and during the rush, not everyone can be saved.” He pointed toward the graph. “It seems that more and more people aren’t counting on miracles from angels and God to help themselves feel better. I don’t know how our company will fare if this keeps sloping down. Now it’s no one’s fault, okay? I just think that some of us could…benefit from improving their attitude…like Tirred.”

Tirred raised his eyebrows. The elf had a dark teal face, dark blue eyes, and black hair framing his face on the sides. Black freckles were present under his eyes. He also had white wings and a white spiked halo that hovered above his head. He wore a light blue bow tie and a white business suit similar to Docile’s. Tirred was often grumpy and well…tired, but he took his job as a healer seriously.

Docile continued. “Now does anyone have any bright ideas on how we can get business drumming up again?”

The woman elf, Timmid had short white hair with a black flower spot on it and displayed a row of sharp white teeth. She wore white gloves and a white blouse over a long white skirt. Her eyelashes extended past her face. Like the others, she had a dark teal face, pointed elf ears, dark blue eyes, white wings, and a white wiry halo over her head. Timmid was often timid and was the negotiator between humans and elves. Tirred and Timmid were an on-again-off-again couple, and were from the Halo of Patience in Heaven.

Timmid thought for a moment and spoke softly, “What…about…a billboard?”

“That’s a thought, Timmid, but there are advertisements everywhere in Heaven,” Docile mentioned. Then his eyes brightened and he waved his hands. “Oh. How about a car wash?”

Timmid spoke up. “Um, this is Heaven, sir. Cars are already clean here.”

“Good point,” Docile said. “Any other ideas?”

“We can’t just stick to what we’ve been doing before?” Tirred asked with a yawn, adjusting his large bow tie. “Why not just prove those people wrong?”

“So helpful, Tirred, really glad you’re in the room right now,” Docile spoke fast, rolling his eyes. “Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?”

Docile turned on the TV and a series of clips showed up on screen: Docile bandaging an angel’s wings, Tirred helping a man walk, Sunna, the cat purring at a crying girl, Timmid saving someone using CPR.

Docile held a bowl of popcorn for everyone to eat. Sunna, the brown furred, black stripped cat, wore a white sun dress with a sun on it. She wore a gold cross necklace around her neck. Her mane of hair was lion-like, almost like a hipster’s hair. She was purring contently while sniffing her last leaf of catnip she brought. Her eyes were sky blue and large. A nearby poster showed Docile and his bald elf sister Connie with an award for being the best performers at a choir and at a circus. A banner read “The Amazing Elf Twins” above them.

“Ah, those were the good times,” Docile smiled.

Timmid ate a piece of popcorn on the table, lost in thought.

Timmid sighed. “Yes indeed,” she said to Docile. “But Tirred seems upset about some of your mistakes.”

“Don’t need any reminding, sir,” Tirred grumbled to his boss, “considering you blew most of our salaries to help a rival pharmaceutical company with their advertisement, one that you additionally paid to have us hold their hands and sing for three whole weeks on a channel, everybody watches!”

“Hey, uh excuse me?” Docile looked back, insulted. He stood up. “What’s so “obnoxious” about generosity and a super fun song, alright? It’s a fun distraction when an advertisement’s spitting lies.” He walked across the room.

“People love musicals, sir,” added Timmid with a small smile.

“Exactly, Timmid,” Docile smiled, “and we’re basically doing a musical.” Docile did jazz hands before turning to Tirred. “Are you gonna criticize my musical theater dreams like my dad did?”

“Sir…” Tirred began, but Docile cut him off.

“Because all I see right now is my dad and his angry eyes glaring at me, criticizing my dreams of being who I truly am inside.” He turned his head away.

Timmid leaned in toward Tirred. “Please don’t make him angry, Tirred,” she begged.

“I’m just stating how it is,” Tirred replied, arms folded.

“I thought I knew you,” Timmid said, making a face at him. “No need to be a grumpy pants, dear.” Tirred rolled his eyes in response.

Docile turned back to Tirred, tears in his eyes. “I can’t believe you, Tirred. And after I made you Employee of the Month.” He held up a picture of Tirred with a large grin of sharp teeth.

Tirred threw up his hands. “Okay, sir! I’m sorry, but a commercial jingle and a cheesy song are not comparable to musical theater. Nobody actually likes the jingles.”

“But…I liked it!” Timmid popped up.

Tirred turned to her, arms crossed. “Yeah, sure, take his side, why don’t you?”

0 0 0

In a commercial, Docile spoke in front of purple curtains. “Hi I’m Docile, the “e” is silent and I’m the founder of E.L.F.” On an icon, Docile leaned against the L in the logo, with Timmid and Tirred posing on either side with their hands in prayer. The E.L.F. logo appeared over his hand. Docile continued, “Are you a ray of light that got yourself sent to Heaven?” The picture showed Docile dressed in a superhero outfit with a red cape. “Or are you a conflicted convict who just happened to have your life cut short by someone else?” The next picture showed Docile dressed in a red devil costume choosing whether or not to quit smoking and drugs.

A nearby sign read the angel’s name that hired E.L.F. A winged angel carrying a lamb baby with a male lion’s head spoke with a 333 News billboard in the background, “After defending myself against my psycho brother and preaching about God, you could imagine my surprise when I wound up here, after the coronavirus killed me. I really wish I could help my sick grieving sister and advise my family to kick my brother out.”

Docile continued, standing in a church with Timmid and Tirred in white robes nearby.

“Well, luckily for you, thanks to our company’s special access to the living world, we can help you take care of your unfinished business by blessing anyone who may have helped you out when you were alive!” Docile happily climbed up a flight of golden stairs.

Then the jingle began:

“When your loved one has to die

Does it hurt to say goodbye?

Do you wish they were alive?

So you could watch them thrive?”

“Through the grief and deceased

We can bring you peace

When you feel alone

Know they’re safe at home”

“When you want somebody blessed

And you don’t wanna get all stressed

Call the Efficient Lifesaving Fellows!”

“Whether First Aid or CPR

We’ll make sure you all go far

Efficient Lifesaving Fellows!”

“We do our job so fine

‘Cause we come straight from Cloud Nine!”

“When you’re consumed by grief

We help you find relief

Miracles beyond your belief!”

“We’ll save your husband or your wife

We’ll even help extend your life

The Efficient Lifesaving Fellows!”

“Pets and children live for freeee!”

At the bottom it read: “This company is not to be confused with C.H.E.R.U.B. in the canon parallel Heaven dimension next door. Although nobody really knows too much about E.L.F., it was founded way before C.H.E.R.U.B. in question. Mary had some little lambs and overstayed her welcome.”

Various clips showed E.L.F. saving people: lifting a boulder from a human, comforting a crying human after a car accident, passing out Bibles and food to the homeless, giving money to a school in Africa, humans and angels dancing in a circle…

A brown haired woman stole a guy’s wallet and kicked him in the groin. She ran off and then got shot by police. Yet she only went unconscious. The doctors took her to the emergency room while the elves waited. A doctor walked in on the elves in the waiting room.

“She’s in stable condition, but she’ll need rest and an arrest warrant. Now what kind of insurance do you freaks have?”

“God’s chosen don’t need insurance,” Tirred stated coldly. Docile glared at him.

The elves and the woman were promptly kicked out of the hospital and sent back to Heaven.

0 0 0

Back at the office, Tirred spoke up, hands in front of him. “I’d like to go on record and say that incident was Sunna’s fault. Dispatch is supposed to give the right info on the client. It’s a very simple process.”

“I’m sorry, Tirred, I did the best I could,” Sunna said, unfazed.

Tirred fumed. “’Sorry’ doesn’t cover it…do your job!”

“Hey, now we don’t blame screw-ups on Sunna, okay?” Docile said. “She didn’t do anything wrong.” Sunna happily walked over and embraced Docile in a tight hug, Docile straining to break free.

“Are you kidding me, sir? She’s awful!”

0 0 0

Sunna thought back to the time when she was a receptionist at a desk. The old rotary phone rang, sounding like cats meowing. She picked up the fish-shaped phone.

“Thank you for calling E.L.F. How may we bless you?” Sunna asked, smiling.

Timmid was on the other end, concern in her voice. “There’s a customer ranting about Satan. He wants to commit suicide…”

“Tell him that suicide will not make things better.”

“He wants to rant and curse you, it will be the end of our company for sure!”

Then Tirred added in a harsh voice next to Timmid: “She’s right. We’re all doomed if we don’t enforce harsh discipline on that scum of a…”

“Just got a call on the other line, apologies, worry warts.” Sunna trilled, hanging up the phone. She read her Fancy Feast Feline magazine.

0 0 0

Another memory came back to Sunna, which took place at her house.

“Happy Adoption Anniversary, Sunny,” said Docile. “I got a little something for you.” He showed her a gift in his hands.

Sunna smiled. “Is it a cure for Covid?”

“I…uh…”

“Then I want it!” she exclaimed happily, tearing open the gift and dropping it on the floor. A flock of white butterflies flew around the room and landed all over her.

“I’m sorry, it was butterflies!” Docile looked on in concern. But Sunna happily batted and played with them, her mouth open in a grin. “God bless you…”

0 0 0

There was one other time when Sunna watched Princess Coercia singing/screaming “Inside of Every Angel is a Sinner.” She was in her full Angel form, with black feathery wings and a black spiked halo. Tirred walked over, holding a piece of paper in his hands that read “Moxie 4 U.” His black eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Excuse me um, did you just fax me an ad for weight loss and muscle growth?”

“Yes,” Sunna replied.

“Is it because I’m so handsome already? Better than many of the wimps around here?”

“Come on,” Sunna teased. “Just the opposite.”

0 0 0

Later, Sunna rummaged around, looking for something in the kitchen.

“Who left this tuna salad in the fridge?”

“Wasn’t me,” said Timmid. “It was there from yesterday.”

“Is this yours, Tirred?”

No answer.

“Well, I’m taking it because I have the best feeling right now.”

She closed the door and gulped down the food.

“Now why would you get hyper on a work day?” Timmid asked, nearby.

“I’m happy from this morning, Timmy Tim,” she giggled.

“Don’t call me that,” Timmid said. “I’m not a guy.”

Tirred walked inside. “Isn’t that my lunch? You stole it, you crazy cat!”

“I’m so sorry!” Sunna said, then brightened. “You know what? I’ll just go get you another one before work! Time to enjoy my tenth life!”

Sunna raced outside with a “Wheeee!” and helped an elderly elf cross the street.

0 0 0

“Docile!” Sunna called in the office, “Your privileged authoritarian’s on the phone! Says it’s urgent and wants to talk to you. Sounds a little DTP-y.” (Down to Punish)

“Oh Lord that was one time!” Docile yelled, splashing water on himself in front of Tirred. “We wouldn’t have access to the living world if I hadn’t let myself get punished by that privileged jerk face.”

“You what?” Tirred asked, concerned.

“I stole a Bible after getting whipped for the sins I did. Figured I had nothing else to lose.”

“Docile!” Sunna cried.

“I heard you already!” Docile yelled before stomping into his office to play with bobble heads of himself, Timmid and Tirred.

“So… what can I do you for, Samael?” Docile asked nervously on his cell phone in his office. Inside his office were circus posters and advertisements for church gatherings and “Docile in Choir of Light: one time only!”

The Angel of Divine Retribution lounged in his palace on a golden sofa. He was dressed in a royal red robe, had white skin and golden short hair. His eyes were golden. On the walls were pictures of him wielding a flaming sword and casting demons into fiery lakes below. Several medals of Honor were attached to his clothing. His wings were fiery colors, starting with red orange at the top going to a white-blue at the feathery tips.

Samael was a companion to Azrael, the dark-haired Angel of Death. Samael, Michael and Azrael were generals to the Exterminators/Exorcists who killed demons once every year in Hell. The founders of the Exorcists were God and the merciless Zoophobia angel Adina.

“There’s a politician who’s causing lots of trouble on Earth for a few of my associates. He wants to convince people that the coronavirus isn’t dangerous.”

“Isn’t it?” Docile asked.

“Well, it is, but more people die when no extra precautions are taken. And it gets crowded here.” Samael sighed, his hand on his chin.

“Well that makes sense.”

“You know what happens when I’m stressed, Docy?”

“Oh lord no…” Docile began, flinched away from his phone.

Samael’s hair and wings ignited the more he talked.

“When I’m stressed, I become angry. And when I become angry, I have to whip your back and **** strike your **** with a flaming sword, cast you into a windy dessert, freeze you into ice in the lowest level, make you swim in the lake of fire for 1 million ******hours, hang you on a wooden cross for sins you didn’t commit and leave you begging for His mercy ******* like an imperfect mortal!”

Docile hung up the phone, with a look of fear, broke it in half and tossed the pieces to Sunna. “Here play with these.”

Sunna patted the pieces with her paws in fascination.

“And you know after you put them in your mouth?”

“Yeah?” she asked, eating them.

“Vomit it off a bridge.”

“Ew, no!”

0 0 0

Back at the meeting, Docile continued, “Look, the point is, Sunna is a valued member of our family and we don’t get rid of families.”

“We aren’t a family, sir,” Tirred pointed out. “You are the boss. We are the employees. You treat her like she’s some hyperactive teenager. She’s more like a catnip addicted spoiled woman you let man the phones.”

Sunna hissed at him.

“That is offensive,” Docile said. “Without spoiled people, I wouldn’t have half the joy and laughter I do in this life.” Docile opened the blinds and saw an angel dressed in a golden suit getting his picture taken by a crowd of people. Docile waved at a lovely white-haired teal-faced elf woman wearing a white dress with little white feathery wings on them before closing the blinds.

Tirred crossed his arms and did air quotes with his fingers. “While we’re on the subject of ‘family,’ can you stop finding Timmid and me outside of work?”

“Come on, it’s not that big a deal,” Timmid said.

Tirred’s eyes grew wide. “Excuse me…what?!”

0 0 0

Tirred remembered cooking at their house.

“Hey Timmie, could you grab me some lemons?” he called.

“Sure, sweetie,” Timmid said, grabbing a few lemons and heading to the table.

Docile suddenly appeared from the ceiling, landing gracefully in front of the woman elf. “When life gives you lemons…”

He squashed a lemon, letting the juice fall into a glass. “…the best aide is lemonade.”

Timmid giggled, her smile matching her short white hair.

“What’s so funny, Timmie?” Tirred asked his girlfriend.

“The impressive wordplay,” Docile said, serving angel’s food cake on the table. (Devil’s food cake wasn’t allowed.)

“What the…Where did you even come from?!” Tirred asked Docile in shock.

0 0 0

In their bedroom in their luxury sapphire-walled apartment (a sign above read, “Need a heaven-cat?”) Tirred was woken up by Docile praying for good luck for him.

“What’re you dreaming about?” he asked.

Tirred moaned, “I was dreaming of me disciplining my coworkers and...I’d like to get back to that.”

0 0 0

Timmid and Tirred remembered the song they sang, while Timmid played on an angelic guitar shaped like a swan:

“Of all the perfect elves,

It’s with him, I’m myself

Oh Timmid.”

They noticed Docile glancing off to the side and Timmid told him, “Film us already!”

“Are you bucking serious?” Tirred roared in anger.

0 0 0

Back in the present, Tirred seethed. “Just. Stop. Doing that.”

“I don’t see what the issue is,” Docile said. “Just love good classic romance, future holy matrimony…and the honeymoon bonus scenes. Timmid wanted me to, anyway.”

Sunna rolled her eyes, while Tirred fumed.

“Sir, what you say and how you act is totally inappropriate!” Tirred stood up.

“Calm down, Tir,” Timmid said, pulling him back down. “You’re gonna have another panic attack.”

“I am calm!” Tirred yelled before Timmid rubbed his black head. “Shh there, there,” she said, while Tirred whimpered.

Docile spoke again. “Look I don’t judge what you do outside of working hours, so don’t judge me.”

Veins popped out of Tirred’s eyes. “Oh I do judge you, sir. Quite a lot, actually.”

He crossed his arms while Timmid gasped in fear.

“Tir, he’s our boss!”

“No, it’s fine, Timmid,” Docile mentioned. “Your boyfriend is just…how do I say this without being offensive…bossy.”

“Does overly criticizing me make you feel better about your sad single life?” Tirred asked.

“Not really, but it’s still fun,” Docile admitted.

Sunna added to Tirred, “Even though you can be a grump sometimes, I still appreciate your company.”

“P-Please don’t call him a grump, pussy cat!” Timmid protested. “You know I don’t like him when he gets mad…”

“Do not criticize my assistant that way,” Docile said. “She’s sensitive.”

“Yes I am,” meowed Sunna.

“You guys are all freaking weird!”

Everyone turned to look. A pale spirit of a brown-haired teen girl floated nearby, wearing a prisoner uniform.

“Oh, uh…thank you, kid,” said Docile. “It’s something for you to witness this.”

“Ugh, this company’s such a mess,” Tirred exclaimed. “All that paperwork is bad enough without you guys being a pain in my…”

“Alright, let’s get back to talking about our friendship!” Docile said out of nowhere.

“Nobody was talking about that,” Sunna mentioned.

“Which is why I’m trying to get that ball rolling, so, I think we’re off to a great start, right?”

The spirit pointed her finger at Docile, “It was heaven being able to rest after being shot by police for mugging a guy, but now…I miss my family. I want life!”

“You,” she said pointing to Docile, “I don’t know who you are but you look like one of Santa’s helpers, if Santa were God. No offence.”

Docile held in laughter. “None taken, miss.”

The spirit added to Tirred, “I see you’re a handsome fellow. If I were to feel comfortable, I’d look you in the eye and ask, ‘How in the world did I get here?’ so…how in the world did I get here?”

“You died,” he deadpanned. The spirit looked taken aback.

“That’s my boyfriend you’re talking to,” Timmid said, apologetic.

“Oh? He’s your boyfriend?” the spirit chuckled. “I figured him for an athlete but I didn’t know he’d get even luckier.”

Timmid giggled in response.

And you.” The spirit pointed at Sunna.

“Yeah what about me?” Sunna asked.

“You’re just purrfect. I was never a dog person.”

Sunna purred.

“Wow you really are an amazing ray of sunshine,” Docile said.

Tirred rolled his eyes. “Such a flirt trying to make herself innocent.”

Sunna spoke up. “Hey guys, I just got a text from our client, says she’s the right one to bless after all.”

“Who?” Docile asked.

“Her.”

“Me?” asked the spirit.

“Yep.”

“They wanted us to help an actual convict?” Docile asked.

“That’s what they’re saying.”

Docile frowned. “Well Satan in a heater, I guess there is a Devil.”

He pointed a golden rod at her and she was transported to her other family members in Heaven.

Docile spoke about E.L.F.: “You know folks, with this company, I really wanted to prove that we’re capable of doing the same things anyone else can, like blessing people. So from us here at the Efficient Lifesaving Fellows group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money is…given to charity and you’re never getting it back and you can write us a bad review but we’ll be oblivious to it because it’s Heaven and business is business no matter where you are.”

Everyone wrapped Docile in a hug, while he rolled his eyes. Then he said, “Even though the kid was a convict, she’s still a just a human...or was. It’s important that we’ve handled this going forward, respectfully.” Everyone smiled in the hug.

Back on Earth, Docile dropped down a heartfelt message from the convict Ellie for the surviving family members to read. It was about how guilty she felt after stealing some money…she had been trying to feed a nearby homeless family she knew well. They wanted her back but they were finally able to see her body and get a sense of closure. The family members looked up to see the elves looking down at them.

“You’re welcome!” Docile called with a wave before the portal closed.

#Helluvaboss #heavenuva boss

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