#zzs is Trying Very Hard not to think hornee thoughts and even harder not to think romantic ones

[verycharismaticdragon]

When did Zhou Zishu fall in love?

Inspired by this post about Qian Qiu's Shen Qiao – but especially by how different Zhou Zishu's situation is, when you begin looking into it 😄

What I need to address first is that Zhou Zishu, as a character and especially as a narrator, tends to not dwell on, or even downplay, his feelings. It is partially a coping strategy, but also seems to be just a general facet of his personality. One of the joys of close-reading TYK is finding moments of unreliable narration on his part – where his actual reactions don't match up to his words and even thoughts, or where his opinions are clearly colored by preexisting bias, or where he is overreacting to things that are genuinely innocuous… so, the short answer to the question of when he fell for Wen Kexing? 

Much earlier than he'd have you think. 

So, let’s start with a moment – fairly late into the novel – where Zhou Zishu fully, actively, physically reciprocates Wen Kexing’s advances: the kiss in chapter 56. It is actually a third kiss Wen Kexing initiates, but the first to which Zhou Zishu responds – and from the way the previous two were presented in narration, you’d think Zishu was forced, except...

...wait. Zishu, my dude, my guy, that was your problem? That you weren’t on even ground?

Like, let’s check back with chapter 17, this is Zishu’s reaction:

[...] Zhou Zishu broke away from Wen Kexing’s grip, ruthlessly delivering a punch to the other’s abdomen, his expression cold. “The joke is not funny, Brother Wen.”

– and 40 goddamn chapters later we learn that what he was actually mad about was not being able to ‘react in time’? 

And I mean, sure, it was pretty obvious he wasn’t that upset about the kissing back when it happened – considering he could’ve disappeared into the sunset and never see Wen Kexing again but instead continued to travel with him – but the way he thinks about it in 56 really makes it sound like he wanted to answer in kind… but all right, let’s not jump to conclusions that fast.

How about… the moment Zhou Zishu first verbally acknowledged his willingness to stay with Wen Kexing? Chapter 51:

Those ‘few days’, by the way, last literal months. Idk, fellas, is it gay to spend the whole winter living together with your “jianghu friend”, all while sharing a bed and raising a kid together..?

But then again, is it such a wonder that Zhou Zishu is willing to fall into that domestic routine when his first thought when an old acquaintance mentions marriage is...

(chapter 34)

And let’s not forget that his reaction to the above line was:

(chapter 33)

Too bad that Wen Kexing took that silence the wrong way and played it off as a joke, huh? Because whatever else, this wasn’t the reaction of a man about to say a definite ‘no’.

Let’s take a moment to allow this to sink in: by chapter 33, someone was already willing to consider what is essentially a marriage proposal.

Getting closer to that kiss back in chapter 17, aren’t we? The theory that Zhou Zishu’s problem was not with the kiss itself is beginning to look less implausible. Actually, there’s a moment when Zishu is reminded of it in chapter 19, and...

[Wen Kexing] specifically wiped his mouth after that, licking at the corner of his lips as if remembering something. Zhou Zishu stared at him in a daze, mindlessly holding a cup to his mouth to pretend drinking, but after a good while of no liquid flowing out, he finally noticed that the cup was actually empty.

– I think we can all agree that this is not a reaction of someone remembering an upsetting event.

(Also, if I had a dollar for every time Zhou Zishu attempted to drink from an empty cup when flustered by Wen Kexing’s actions, I’d have 2 dollars. Which isn’t a lot but it’s hilarious that it happened twice.)

And just before that, in chapter 18, we also have a moment when Wen Kexing unglues himself from Zhou Zishu’s side for a bit, and Zhou Zishu immediately both misses him – 

During the past days, Zhou Zishu had to listen to [big sects’ representatives] until his ears couldn’t bear it anymore. But when he was bored out of his mind, Wen Kexing was nowhere to be seen. It was a bit quiet without the other man’s rowdiness.

– and… well... begins composing cutting remarks about Wen Kexing’s fickleness in his mind:

Internally, he thought Wen Kexing was only mindlessly chasing after him. With the lack of those courtesans with their pretty handkerchiefs, beggars couldn’t be choosers; that was obviously why the man glued himself to him to ramble his ears off.

Actually, there’s something else in this last fragment: you see, Zhou Zishu seems to have a bit of a lasting resentment about them handkerchiefs…

“[...] And regardless of all those handkerchiefs you have, stop with that motor mouth that’s full of gibberish.” (chapter 22)

What’s that about? Well, it all started back in chapter 13. Wen Kexing used a certain embroidered handkerchief to clean out Zishu’s wound, and when Zhou Zishu thought to tease him about “carrying a maiden’s belongings”...

“This is a personal gift from the famous courtesan and gentleman Su Yue from Yang Zhou City, you shouldn’t have asked if you don’t want to make an ignorant fool of yourself.”

So, this is the handkerchief Zhou Zishu will think back to with bitterness. Which... sure is a higher amount of jealousy than one would expect from a guy who literally punched that man for kissing him?

I’m sure by now we’re all on the same page: ‘that early?’ Yep, Zhou Zishu had been showing signs of liking Wen Kexing much more than he lets on that early. Then, what exactly all of that resistance was about?

Well, two reasons: first, Zhou Zishu wasn’t certain about how much Wen Kexing actually likes him (Zishu and trust is… a whole topic), and was worried about investing too much of his own sincerity into something that might not be real – which was probably compounded by the fact that, even trying to hold himself off, he still found himself liking Wen Kexing more and more (remember the reaction to proposal?). And second, of course, that he was rapidly nearing his death – it is no coincidence that he only directly asks about Wen Kexing’s sincerity after knowing he has a chance to survive.

So, yeah – it is not that Zishu takes a long time to warm up to Wen Kexing, it is rather that he is trying to protect his own heart… and Wen Kexing’s too, in a way.

––– tl by: sparkling water translations up to ch.22, wenbuxing starting ch.33

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- tyk meta masterpost -