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gluion · 1 year ago

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just received the nicest (and first comment) on ao3 and just felt like i needed to immortalize it on here. if user elixirs sees this… thank you so much ❤️‍🩹 i did reply back to your comment 🥳

if you care about spoilers, please do not read this review!! they specifically comment on certain lines (thank u ❤️‍🩹) so :]] thank you again!!

[part one] of linked arms and bruised hearts (you are the reason i keep on going) ➵ ji changmin

non-idol!ji changmin x reader, slight non-idol!jacob bae x reader

you and changmin have been best friends since high school, having seen each other at their best and worst. now in your second year of university, you are given the opportunity to work with the unattainable 5th-year you have had a crush on since—jacob bae. with your best friend on the receiving end of your rambles, you could only hope for something to come out of your time working with jacob. that is until changmin decides he wants something more out of his relationship with you.

genre/warnings ➵ friends to lovers, slow burn, so much FLUFF, afab reader (they/them pronouns), drinking, expect a lot of sentimental talks and bantering between changmin and reader, a lot of publication talk (sorry i am a writer), sunwoo is a shithead (and a terrible wingman), slight chanhee x hyunjae (very minimal though), you used to have a crush on sunwoo by the way and now your friends like to laugh about it, sweet angel jacob with his SIGNATURE SMILE!!!, also he may not be unattainable after all???, changmin and reader are so lucky to have each other, slight suggestive dream at the end

word count ➵ 18.8k words (currently... more words to come once i write the 2nd part)

parts ➵ [part two coming soon]

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @winterchimez

a/n ➵ i am so glad to finally have this baby out!! i worked on this a few days after i published my sunwoo fic so :DD was debating whether this would be a changmin or jacob fic but the stars just pointed and my kyu <3 this is very slow burn so i hope you guys will stick with me all throughout! and please be kind if i fail to deliver the 2nd part asap </3 i have other writer duties </3 i would really appreciate it if you could take the time to like and reblog this.

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

There is something frightening that comes with growing up. First, you come into the world with hands too small to carry anything and a mind unable to grasp anything. And no matter how many years you continue on, you never know what to expect from a fickle thing called life. It is as if you impart on a dangerous journey; your knees get wounded; your eyes get tired; your heart gets bruised. Yet, there must be something in the end that makes all the injuries worth it.

The universe had many instances to give you reasons to believe that all the ups and downs you go through are worth it. Instead, you are given three demons that crashed into your feeble life—you cannot seem to get rid of them even if you tried.

“Y/N-ah!” A boy you have grown too familiar with over the years calls out to you while you were exiting the stuffy classroom filled with unknown faces.

You roll your eyes and shake your head. “Sunwoo, have you not gotten tired of me? Can’t last a few hours without me?”

“Yah! I’m only here because you owe me.”

Kim Sunwoo—the reason why you have not known peace since… forever. You got to know him back in grade school where you shared the unfortunate fate of being classmates throughout the years. The shy boy was consistently your seatmate which forced you two to interact. What became casual seatmates turned into best friends that would stick together for every break time.

Somehow, you and Sunwoo have stuck together like glue since then. As the years went by, you have been present for every soccer tournament while he has been present for every competition. And somehow, you found yourselves in high school still joined at the hip. Your friendship has contradicted the popular belief of “losing your grade school friends when you enter high school.” You wish you knew how your friendship continued to survive in college waters.

“I owe you? Doesn’t the favor I asked from you make up for the one you asked from me then?” You frown as you walk with him.

Sunwoo nudges you and says, “That is not what we agreed on.”

“You are literally going off on your own terms, be for real.”

“C’mon Y/N! Don’t you love your best friend of 12 years?”

You give him a side-eye. “I cannot believe you are trying to play that card right now.”

“I always play that card.” Sunwoo shrugs, smirking as he walks with you. “I mean, I wouldn’t like to play the old crush card.”

You gasp at his statement and smack him. “I told you that in secret, you little shit!”

“See! So treat me now!”

Since you two grew up together, it was inevitable for you to harbor some form of infatuation towards the one boy you found yourself sticking with. It was an embarrassing period in your life considering how weird it is to think of Sunwoo under that light now. Thankfully, you got over that crush once you found yourself getting into K-Pop idols and streamers.

“You are so frustrating, Sunwoo.” You rest your back on the wall. “Can’t I just treat you another day? I do not have enough money to buy us both food.”

Sunwoo takes his spot beside you as he stares at the closed door opposite you two. “Fine! But don’t forget.”

“You always seem to make it a point to remind me.” You roll your eyes as he nudges you once more.

“Hey, I’m just trying to get back what I was promised. I mean, do you know the lengths I had to go to somehow get Ja–”

You place your hand on his mouth before he could say more. “Yah, Kim Sunwoo! You cannot be saying that shit out loud,” you whisper in the last sentence.

He grabs your hand and pushes it off his face. “I’m just saying! I’m not trying to spill your secret for everyone to hear. Do you have no faith in me?”

“You’re really asking me that?” You furrow your eyebrows.

“... Point taken.” Sunwoo gives a sheepish smile. “But it was hard to make it all work! You should be glad that I’m good friends with your little publication team.”

Before you could comment, you notice the door swing open as university students make their way out. You pushed your iPad down into your bag as you stood beside Sunwoo.

“Yah, Changmin!” Sunwoo calls out as he raises his hand. As you tiptoe, you notice the boy who you have grown to love and hate all throughout high school. Once he catches sight of you two, he smiles and makes his way to you.

“Yay! You guys did wait for me,” Changmin says as he quickly stores his glasses away.

“Of course we did. You would scold us if we didn’t,” you say as you roll your eyes.

Sunwoo laughs. “Nice one, Y/N.” He gives you a high-five.

“Hey! You would get mad if I didn’t wait for you.” Changmin shakes his head as he latches onto your arm.

You chuckle and say, “Yeah, I would.”

Ji Changmin—what could you say about this one? Despite the chaos he brings to your world, he seems to be the one person you could handle in big doses. You love Sunwoo but the guy will not get off your ass.

Thanks to Sunwoo, you met Changmin in high school. When Sunwoo decided to look into other extra-curricular activities, he found himself falling in love with dance. And dance brought him to Changmin. The two shared a love for dancing as they found themselves on the dance team representing your school. With all the times Sunwoo and Changmin got along, Sunwoo felt it was only best to bring you and Changmin together.

It is funny to remember how you two first met. At first, you thought you and Changmin would just be friendly—only interacting if Sunwoo planned something among you three.

At first, you did not feel particularly happy about hanging out with Changmin. When you say this, you can only imagine the way people would react. Everyone seemed to love him just at first glance. You though… you were terrified of the guy. Maybe it is because there were not enough instances for you to get to know each other. It did not help that he was two years above you.

Sunwoo seemed to be the glue to keep your friend group of three together. However, it was only when you first joined your high school’s publication team that you got to see Changmin without Sunwoo. It came as a surprise to you then—seeing one of the best dancers in your high school do something that is not dance (minus studying, of course).

At first, you two were awkward as you worked without Sunwoo there to be his usual self. However, the more instances you worked one-on-one with Changmin, the more you realized that there is nothing to be afraid of. With his photos and your writings, you two became an unstoppable team in the publication.

You could remember when Sunwoo first noticed the change in dynamics between you and Changmin. What started off as jigsaw puzzle pieces that did not fit together turned into peas in a pod. Though you never expected that Changmin’s bantering with you could be worse than Sunwoo’s.

“Changmin, you never hold onto me,” Sunwoo says as he glares at you two.

“Because every time I do, you run away from me,” Changmin throws back as he shakes his head. “And Y/N never gets sick of me from holding onto them.”

The three of you started to walk side-by-side. “Where’s Chanhee?” Changmin asks.

“He said to meet him in the ramen place across the athletics building,” you answer as you try to fish out your phone from your pocket. You look down at your phone and send a message to Chanhee as your two friends talk.

y/n: we are on the way xP nyuging 🐧: okie! i got us a table already nyuging 🐧: don’t forget we need to work on the small businesses coverage after y/n: yessir! i’m free after we eat nyuging 🐧: are u fr? man, i have lit class right after the interviews nyuging 🐧: with mr. choi 😭 y/n: NOOOOOOOOO who tf am i gonna stay with nyuging 🐧: not my problem xP nyuging 🐧: you could actually stay with mr. bae 💗😍 y/n: STFUUUU

You groan over Chanhee’s message. “Why?” Changmin looks over at you.

“Chanhee can’t stay with me after we finish up the interviews, and I have to wait for my meeting around 5 PM.”

Changmin sighs and says, “Sucks to be you.”

“Nice one, Changmin.” Sunwoo laughs as he high-fives Changmin.

“Yah! Changmin, you don’t want to stay with me?”

“I have other important things to handle.”

You glare at Changmin and shrug his hand off your arm. “I’m not offering to drive you around anymore. Get used to walking.”

“Yah, I’m just joking!” He jokes around and attempts to grab onto your arm once more.

Sunwoo whines. “Why don’t you bother to ask me?”

“Because I know you’re going to use that time to bother me about how I still owe you.” All he could do was giggle.

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay with you because I know you can’t survive without me.” Changmin smiles as he brings you closer to his side.

You side-eye the boy who manages to rile you up even more than Sunwoo can (maybe it is because you are used to Sunwoo’s antics). “You are so annoying.”

“Yah! Keep that shit up and I’m actually going to ditch you.”

“HEY! Don’t say that! Please, you know I’m never going to get any work done if I’m left alone.”

Changmin scoffs. “Exactly. That is why you need me.” You roll your eyes over his words.

It seems to always be like this with Changmin—sometimes warm, oftentimes cold to you. You did not mind the dynamic you had with him. If anything, it felt perfect since you learned to see how he shows his appreciation towards you without outright saying it. Regardless of the banter, you always find yourself being more sentimental with him compared to your other friends.

Before you could say anything, you hear someone call out your name. “Y/N!” As you whip your head in the direction of where the sound came from, you see the guy of your dreams. Jacob Bae—the unattainable 5th-year in your publication.

The first time you met Jacob was when you got accepted into your university’s publication. Being the only fresh recruit in the Features staff, your editor, Moon Kevin, decided it would be best to get you acquainted with the small crew. Jacob was a senior when you first got to meet him.

Despite usually being terrified of those who were a few years older than you, there was something about him that made you feel at ease. Whether it was his smile or his soft-spoken tone, you always found yourself smiling over the thought of him. Although you never got the opportunity to work with him, you can only hope it would change this year considering your staff was short on manpower.

Your mouth goes dry as you freeze in your place. “Oh my god.”

“Oh no, please act cool,” Sunwoo mumbles as Jacob makes his way to you three.

Changmin nudges him and says, “You know they will not act cool.” Before more words could be shared, Jacob arrives in front of you with that soft smile that never fails to make your insides all mushy.

“Hey, Y/N!” The way he says your name almost has your knees go weak.

A beat of silence passes. You did not know what to say to the senior you had the biggest crush on. It is only when Changmin nudges you that snaps you out of your trance.

“Ah, Jacob! It’s so nice to see you. W-where are you headed?” You squeak out as you give an awkward smile.

“I’m headed to meet with Kevin. I have an article to cram so he’s going to make some edits while I write.”

You gasp and say, “Oh god, good luck. I feel like I’d be too pressured to write anything.”

“Thankfully I’m used to it.” Jacob takes a look at Sunwoo and Changmin. “Hi, I’m Jacob. I’m on the same staff as Y/N.”

Once he puts his hand out, Sunwoo immediately grabs and shakes it. “It’s nice to meet you, Jacob hyung. I’m Sunwoo. I’m also friends with Kevin hyung.”

“Ah, you’re Sunwoo! Yes, Kevin has mentioned you.” Jacob gives a sheepish smile before he takes a look at Changmin. “And you are, Changmin?”

Changmin’s eyes go wide, shocked at Jacob knowing his name. “Yes, that’s me. How did you know?”

Jacob chuckles. “I know it because I have some friends from the Sports staff who cover a lot of stories about the dance troupe that you and Sunwoo are part of. Also, I’ve heard Y/N and Chanhee talk about you.”

Changmin smiles at you and pretends to hold his heart. “You talk about me? Awe, you two really cannot live without me.” You only elbow his side so that he could stop embarrassing you in front of Jacob.

“Anyway, it’s so nice to see you again.” You smile once more at him.

Jacob giggles and says, “Good luck with your coverage of small businesses. I wish I could’ve worked on that with you. I’ll see you later at the meeting?” You only nod to which he smiles.

“Bye Y/N!” And with that, Jacob walked away from you, leaving you with a heart so mushy.

“You seriously need to get better at making your feelings less obvious,” Changmin breaks the mood which only has you elbow him once more.

“You were literally embarrassing me in front of him!” You quietly exclaim as you three continue to walk to the restaurant.

Changmin hugs you and puts his whole weight on you, making your pace slower. “I’m just flattered that you think about me all the time.”

“You know damn well that Chanhee and I are complaining about you.”

Sunwoo laughs and says, “I can’t believe I’m the safe one here.”

“Yah, you are in no way safe. Tell him, Y/N.” Changmin attempts to argue as he stops hugging you (though his arm remains linked with yours).

You sigh and say, “Sadly, he is. I’m used to Sunwoo’s antics and I don’t spend as much time as I used to with Mr. Popular. You, however… I am getting sick of you. Chanhee is too.” Changmin gasps at your words.

“Yeah, I’m ditching you.”

“Changmin, I’m just joking! Please don’t leave me alone.”

It is 2:23 PM. You were with Chanhee as you were wrapping up your interview with the owner of the restaurant, Mr. Lim. The small business has a cozy feel whose dishes focus on the fusion of Korean and Filipino food.

“Thank you so much for letting me interview you!” You and Chanhee bow down to Mr. Lim.

He only shakes his head and hands out a small bag of thin butter cookies. “Please, it’s my pleasure. I look forward to reading that article! Enjoy these lengua de gato.”

“Ah, thank you so much!” Chanhee smiles. “We’ll make sure to visit you again, Mr. Lim!”

As you bid your farewells, you two made your way out of the restaurant. You and Chanhee walked while looking down at the notes and pictures taken.

“How are your pictures?” You ask as you peer over Chanhee’s shoulder to look at the viewfinder.

Chanhee lets out a hum as he scrolls through the photos he took. “I just need to do some minimal edits, but everything looks pretty good. Is your recording good?”

You nod at him as you play a snippet of the recording to him. “It sounds clear. I just hope that it doesn’t get corrupted like last time.”

“God, I remember when your recording got corrupted—in your first coverage too!”

You groan as you quickly stash away your phone and notes. “Don’t even remind me! I felt so bad because you were working with me too. Do you even know how embarrassed I was?”

“Of course I did. I could literally see the anxiety ooze from you when you were still a first-year student.”

You met your third devil, Choi Chanhee, in the publication. Although he is part of the Photos staff, you had the opportunity to work closely with him during your very first coverage for the university’s paper.

You remember it clear as day—you were tasked to cover the rise of artificial intelligence programs, specifically on the benefits and harm of these in the academe. He accompanied you to your interview with one of the professors since he was tasked to take pictures. However, your recording got corrupted and you were left with minimal notes. That is when you first learned the importance of taking note of everything.

Chanhee has been the nicest one out of the three devils you know. So far, you were always paired with him for all of your coverages. With so much time being spent together, you formally introduced him to your two best friends who seem to bully him in the same way they do with you. It helped that he is in the same batch as Changmin. Now, your friend group has expanded to four.

“I swear, I remember how much I cried to Kevin that day because I felt so bad,” you admit as you shake your head at the memory.

You two continue to walk until you finally arrive at Morning Roasters—the cafe you seem to frequent with Chanhee. He introduced you to this cafe when you had to cram an article on drag queens who studied at your university for June.

“Why don’t you find a table and I’ll get our drinks?” Chanhee asks as he grabs his wallet. You nod and take a look around the packed cafe. It seemed as if every table was taken. However, when your eyes land on a familiar boy who was focused on his laptop, you could only smile.

“Changmin-ah!” You exclaim as you make your way to him.

When he looks up from his work, he rolls his eyes at the sight of you. “See, I told you I would stay with you.”

You take a seat beside him and lean your head on his shoulder. “Thanks. You know I wouldn’t have gotten any work done if I was left alone.”

He only hums as he continues to type away. “How was the interview? Did it go well?”

“Yeah, the owner is really nice. He gave us a bag of cookies,” you say as you place it on the table.

“Mr. Lim is nice. We should really eat there one day.”

Changmin stops typing and grabs the bag of cookies. As he attempts to open it, you elbow his side which he yelps at. “You’re not even going to ask if you can have some?” You scold him as you lift your head up from his shoulder.

“Can I have?”

You only roll your eyes. “Whatever, go.”

“The only reason he does that is because you react that way,” Chanhee says as he appears in front of you two with a cup of iced matcha for you and peach iced tea for himself.

“That’s true,” Changmin says before he finally grabs himself a cookie. As he takes a bite of it, he lets out a small moan at the taste. “Hey, you need to try this.”

Curious over Changmin’s reaction, you and Chanhee grab yourselves a piece and take a bite. “Oh shit, that’s good,” You say as you take one more bite of the milk cookie.

Chanhee takes a look at the time. “Oh shit, I need to go! I’ll see you in the meeting later!”

Before you and Changmin could say bye, Chanhee was already out of the cafe.

“Well, time to get to work,” Changmin says as you open your laptop.

As you peer over at Changmin’s screen, you notice that his screen was opened to a site you have not seen in a while.

“Oh my god, is that our high school publication?”

Changmin hums and says, “Yeah, I was just looking at some of my old photos. It’s crazy because I look at them and I feel a part of myself cringe. Like, why is it so bad?”

You laugh as you open the document that had your draft. “You would think that being accepted into your high school’s publication meant that you were a good writer or photographer. I feel like I have learned so much more now than I did then.”

The reality is that you only continue to learn—to grow in the work that you do. While growth may never be linear, it is a journey. Although Changmin found himself giving up on photography, you never let yourself give up on writing. But you two understood that he only wanted to invest more time into another hobby turned passion.

For a moment, it is silent between you two. As you continue to type away, you notice that Changmin is still looking at his old articles. When you take a look at his face, you see that he is deep in thought.

“Hey, what’s up?” You ask which breaks him out of his trance.

“Sorry, I was just… thinking.”

“You want to share?”

For a moment, Changmin does not reply. It is usual for him to not want to share his sentiments. You never held it against him, but there are times when you wished he would feel safer to open up to you. You remember how easy it is for him to hide what he is going through.

“I… I was just thinking about how I managed to balance dance, the publication, and my studies back in high school. Now, I feel like I barely have time to keep up with dance or my work.” You only hum at his words.

“I think I just miss photography but not to the point where I would join the publication again. I don’t have the time anymore, but I do miss it, you know?” Changmin asks to which you nod.

“Yeah. I never realized how much time I had back in high school. Now, I feel like I’m drowning in… everything, really. I can only imagine it seems harder for you because you have the thesis to worry about.”

Changmin groans and says, “Oh god, why did you have to remind me!” He rubs his eyes. “I am literally suffering from this alone! At least I don’t need to deal with crap groupmates.”

You only laugh as you type away. “Well, you could still do some free-lancing while you’re working as a preschool teacher.”

“That is if I graduate on time,” Changmin purses his lips as he finally exits his old articles and looks at his thesis.

You nudge his shoulder. “Hey, I believe you can. And if you can’t, you’ll be fine. It’s normal.”

Changmin takes a good look at you as you continue to add some new information to your draft. “Yeah. Thanks, Y/N.” You only smile at him before you two decide to go back to work.

It is 7:32 PM. You were exhausted from your meeting with the Features staff and some people from the Photos staff (though it was still nice to see Jacob). Kevin spent a lot of the time going through what story pitches could be pursued for the rest of the first semester. Your brain felt exhausted from it all. However, there was something good that came from the meeting.

“Y/N, you will be working with Jacob on the coverage of K-Pop student idols here at our university.” You immediately look up at Kevin whose eyes are still focused on the iPad. “You two will also work on drinking culture amongst students and hustle org work lifestyle. Chanhee will be your assigned Photos staffer, as always.”

Your eyes land on Chanhee who has a small smile as he looks down at his camera. For a moment, you are scared to look at Jacob.

“Me? Really?”

Kevin hums as he finally looks up from his iPad. “Yeah. Since we’re short-staffed, I thought it would be good to just have some more collaboration articles to streamline all the work.”

You take this chance to look over at Jacob who seemed to be looking at you already, that godforsaken smile on his face. Your heart does somersaults at the idea of him looking at you without even noticing.

“Y/N?”

You snap out of your daze and finally give Kevin a nod. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

He smiles at you and says, “Well, that settles it. Jacob and Y/N will work on those three pitches while Seungcheol and Yunjin on the beauty standards and Halloween culture coverages. Lastly, Chaeyeon will work on the polyamory pitch.”

As everyone agrees with the assigned pitches, Chanhee nudges you. “Jacob hasn’t stopped looking at you.” Once he whispers those words, you feel your eyes drift over to Jacob who still had his eyes set on you.

You had no idea how you managed to get through that meeting without freaking out over that new piece of information. It sounded weird when you phrase it that way, but you are no better than a high schooler in love whenever you were thinking about him.

“That meeting felt a little too long,” Chanhee groans as he stretches his back.

You two were seated by the benches near the athletics center, admiring the starry sky. “I know. Kevin is stressed though so I can understand that he really wants to fix everything.”

With your staff smaller than last year, the Features staff could only pursue a few pitches. For Kevin, he cares about the well-being of each member which is why it made sense for him to have a meeting to ensure everyone was alright with their assigned workload.

“At least you’re gonna work with Mr. Bae,” Chanhee teases you which makes you elbow his side.

“Chanhee! Be quiet.”

Chanhee whines. “Oh come on! Don’t you want to talk about it?”

“I do but not here!”

“You’re so boring.” You only glare at him for a moment before you tilt your head back and close your eyes.

For a moment, you wanted to let yourself rest. It is until you feel someone tap your shoulder. “Chanhee, can’t you just–”

“Hi, Y/N.” Your eyes snap open as you see Jacob looking over you.

You quickly sit up straight and say, “Ah, Jacob! It’s so nice to see you.”

“Yeah. Are you waiting for Sunwoo and Changmin?”

Chanhee nods. “Yeah, I think they’re just wrapping up.”

Jacob hums for a moment as he looks at the athletics center that is still lit up. “I’m also waiting for my friend. I don’t know if you guys know him but it’s Juyeon.”

“Of course, we know Juyeon hyung. He’s just as good as Changmin when it comes to dance,” Chanhee answers.

Jacob chuckles and says, “Kevin, Juyeon, some other friends, and I are supposed to be catching dinner. What about you guys?”

“Same here.” You scratch your arm. “But also because I’m going to be dropping them off at their place.”

“Oh, you drive? That’s cool.” You nod as you look down at your lap, shy over Jacob’s words.

Chanhee scoots further away from you. “Jacob hyung, do you want to take a seat?”

“Oh, thank you!” He says as he quickly moves to take a seat beside you. You feel yourself hold your breath over the distance between you two. You hated that you felt this way about this guy.

“Y/N-ah.” You look up from your lap and look over at the guy beside you. “I don’t think I ever got to tell you this but I’m excited to work with you. I’ve seen your articles from last year and they’re really good.”

You cannot help the smile (or blush) that creeps up on your face. “Please, I am so honored to work with you. I mean, I’ve seen your byline how many times on articles I really loved reading.”

Jacob softly nudges your shoulder. “I’m glad that we’ll have our bylines beside each other.”

As a writer, you felt yourself die inside. You have heard poets speak of love in a way you could never utter. Yet, hearing Jacob say a phrase just as simple as that had you reimagining what love should be.

For a moment, you do not know what to say. Your eyes remain on him as he continues to look at students finally making their way out of the athletics center. You notice Chanhee peering over and mouthing the words “Bitch, say something.”

Before you could say anything, you hear someone call out your name. “Y/N! Chanhee!” You whip your head to see Sunwoo running up to you guys with Changmin following behind.

“You would not–oh? Jacob hyung? It’s so nice to see you,” Sunwoo says as he tongues his cheek.

Changmin’s eyes widened at the sight of you and Jacob seated side-by-side. “Ah, Jacob hyung! Hello again.”

“Hi again. I’m just waiting for Juyeon actually.”

“Oh, he was just with us,” Changmin says as he looks back only to see Juyeon running to you four.

Juyeon pants and says, “Sorry! I just had to handle something real quick.”

Jacob gets off the bench and stands beside him. “First off, this is Juyeon. Juyeon, this is Chanhee and Y/N. They’re both from the school’s newspaper also.”

Juyeon’s eyes go wide. “Oh, you’re Y/N! Jacob hyung has mention–” Jacob quickly elbows him before he could say more to which he yelps. You feel your eyes go wide at the information.

“Ow! Jacob hyung, you didn’t need to hit me,” Juyeon complains as he rubs his side.

“Anyway, it’s nice to see you guys. Y/N, I’ll see you soon,” Jacob gives his signature smile before he walks off with Juyeon.

For a moment, you stay seated on the bench as Changmin, Chanhee, and Sunwoo look at each other.

“Did Juyeon just say… what I think he just said?” Sunwoo finally speaks out.

“Yah!” Chanhee smacks your arm. “Did you hear him?! Jacob has talked about you!”

You cannot help but smile at the events that just played out. “Ah, look at that smile,” Changmin says as he shakes his head.

Sunwoo chuckles as he grabs your arm. “C’mon, let’s talk about what happened over dinner.”

It has been a few days since you first got paired with Jacob. You still cannot believe that the only reason that you finally get to work with him is that Sunwoo somehow spilled your secret to the one person you only hoped would never find out.

“What do you mean you told him?! Are you serious?!” You reacted as you stood up from your seat with your hands planted on the table.

“In my defense, Kevin hyung somehow connected the dots and would not believe me every time I denied it,” Sunwoo says as he raises his hands in defense.

After a long day, your friend group found themselves in Changmin and Chanhee’s place with boxes of Chinese takeout in each person’s hands. While you were talking about the events that transpired during the meeting, you noticed guilt prominent on Sunwoo’s face.

“Sunwoo! I only asked you to invite Kevin and Jacob to Eric’s next party, whenever that may be,” You groan as you find yourself collapsing back into your seat.

You feel someone bring your head to their shoulder as they rub on your arm. “You had one job. How could you have possibly fucked it up?” Chanhee asks as he shakes his head.

“Oh c’mon! I really tried to convince Kevin to bring Jacob to Eric’s Halloween party. I think it’s because he knows I don’t know Jacob at all. And he knows I’m best friends with you! Won’t you cut me some slack?” Sunwoo pouts as he tries to reach out for your hand.

You only scowl at him and cross your arms. “I am never asking you to be a wingman for me. I should’ve just gone to Changmin or Chanhee for this.”

“There’s no way Kevin didn’t connect the dots earlier with how you act around his best friend,” Changmin jokes after he takes a slurp of his black bean noodles.

You frown at him as you raise your head from Chanhee’s shoulder. “Be so for real right now. There’s no way he noticed because it’s not like I interact with him enough for Kevin to even see if I have a crush on him.” You nudge Chanhee which causes him to choke on his noodles. “Back me up here.”

“Are you kidding me?” Chanhee coughs out before he wipes his mouth. “I was literally eating.”

“Just back me up!”

He rolls his eyes. “Sure, I guess.”

Changmin smiles at Chanhee’s words. “See! Clearly, Kevin noticed.”

“Chanhee just said he agrees with me!”

“I really don’t. I just want to eat my noodles,” Chanhee says, which causes you to smack his arm.

You groan and say, “You all suck. Even Eric is nicer to me and we barely interact.”

“Yeah, but you love us.” Changmin winks at you. “You can’t survive without us three.”

You only scowl since he was pointing out the truth.

Now that you know that Kevin is aware of your silly crush on Jacob, you have been on edge. You were afraid that he might have told Jacob since it seemed like something he would want to mention. That is why you were with Changmin as you anxiously waited for the arrival of the one 5th-year student who seemed to make you hyperaware of your own actions.

“I’m so scared.”

“You’ll be fine.”

You groan as you keep staring at the door. Currently, you and Changmin were at the university’s outdoor area with enough picnic tables for a hundred students. Although you two had your laptops out, only one was clearly focused on their work (clearly, it was not you).

“Changmin!” You exclaim as you finally reach out to the guy beside you, gripping his arm. “Do you think Kevin told him?”

Changmin rips his eyes away from his thesis document and gives you a good look. “Yes.” Once you let out a whine, he only laughs as his eyes set back on the unfinished document. “You will be fine! All you need to do is act natural… if you can.” As he mutters those last words, you smack his arm.

“Oh god, what if he just ditches on the meeting?”

“You are seriously overthinking this.”

“I mean, I would ditch a meeting if I found out someone younger had a crazy crush on me.”

Changmin looks at you and gives you a frown. “Are you really that unprofessional? Do you really think Jacob hyung would be that unprofessional?”

“No, but he could still surprise me,” you say as you look at your opened document that showed your possible list of interviewees for the K-Pop idol students coverage.

Changmin scoffs and says, “Yeah, just give him the benefit of the doubt. Also, I could never imagine anyone younger having a crush on you��let alone anyone liking you that way.”

You gasp and shove Changmin to the side. “Ji Changmin! How could you say that!”

“What? It’s true though!” You only frown at his words and look back at your document.

“Yah, leave now. I hate talking to you.”

“I’m just joking!” He hugs you. “Those who don’t think of you as someone crush-worthy are just blind.” You only hum as you continue to type away. “Though, it would still be weird to even imagine it.”

“Yah!” You shove his arms away as he only laughs.

You sigh as you look at him and back to your document. “I can’t believe I have put up with you for 5 years.”

“Yeah, remember when you used to like Sunwoo?” You shove him once more which only has him erupt into giggles.

“What? It’s just funny to think about,” Changmin admits, which makes you roll your eyes.

“You used to like Sunwoo?” Both yours and Changmin’s heads whip up to see a confused Jacob.

Your lips part open. “J-jacob! We didn’t notice you got here.”

Jacob chuckles as he scratches the back of his head. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. It’s just that while walking to you two, I overheard that part of the conversation.” He then takes a seat across from you two.

“Oh.” You scratch your arm. “It’s nothing like that. It was just a small crush then because we grew up together. But when I look back at it, it’s just so silly! Like, me liking Sunwoo? So weird, am I right?” You elbow Changmin which only has him yelp. “Right, Changmin?” As you look at him, you give him a smile that only says “Say something.”

“Y-yeah, it was a weak moment for them. It’s something the group laughs about because they got over it so quickly,” He says as he smiles at the guy older than him.

Jacob laughs as he takes out his laptop and says, “I get it. Sometimes, it gets hard to really tell whether you like a friend because you see them as a potential partner or you like what’s familiar.”

For a moment, you process his words. “Yeah… that’s exactly it.” You nod.

Jacob is right. When it comes to liking a friend, the reason behind it tends to get confusing—the line between a potential partner and just someone familiar tends to get blurred. When you looked back at your strong and short-lived crush on Sunwoo, you realized that you never got a good understanding of whether those feelings were as genuine as you thought they would be.

He hums as he opens his laptop to the document you share with him. “Anyway, it’s nice to see you. Also you, Changmin.”

“Yeah.” Changmin closes his laptop and puts it in his bag. “I’ll head out since I’ve got a meeting to attend to.”

“Oh, I see! It was still nice to see you,” Jacob says with a smile so precious; you wish you could capture it.

Changmin smiles back at him before giving you one final look. “Just call me when you’re done, okay?” You nod at him to which he gives you a squeeze on the shoulder and a wink.

With that, he left your table. You watched him walk away with a little bounce on his feet. As you look back at the person in front of you, you realize that you are now alone with Jacob.

“Are you ready to work?” As soon as you nod, he gives you that all-knowing smile that speaks a thousand comforting words.

It is 6:38 PM when Sunwoo decides to barge into your room. It has been three days since you had your meeting with Jacob. Other than work, not much happened (though you still keep replaying his smile in your head). You are lying down on your bed with Changmin as you watch Lee Youngji’s No Prepare with Bibi.

“Let’s go to Mingyu’s party!” You and Changmin pay no attention to him as you continue to watch the video.

Sunwoo groans as he flops down on your bed and says, “C’mon! We haven’t partied in ages. Don’t you guys miss it?”

“No,” Changmin scoffs, which makes him smack Changmin’s leg.

“Y/N? Don’t you want to drink?” He looks at you with glassy eyes and a pout. You only flip him off which makes him whine. “Ah, c’mon! Chanhee said he’d go if you two would. Why don’t you guys want to drink?”

You start to groan and pause the video. “Sunwoo, can’t I watch my girlfriend Bibi in peace with Changmin?”

“No.”

“Sunwoo, I would love to but…” You tap your iPad screen to look at the time. “... I have to study for my test tomorrow. I cannot risk getting a hangover.”

“Then just don’t drink a lot!”

“You know that’s impossible,” Changmin mutters, which makes you smack his arm. “I’m just pointing out the obvious!”

You sit up and say, “Yeah, well… ugh, you’re right. I actually can’t go.”

“Oh, come on! What if we watch over you?” Sunwoo attempts to convince you.

You turn your head to look at Changmin who was already staring at you. “What do you think?”

“Why do you only ask Changmin?”

“Because I know I can’t trust you to watch over me.” You look back once more at Changmin who was deep in thought.

“Fine.” Changmin sighs as he sits up. “I’ll take care of Y/N.”

“Ah, thank you, Changmin!” Sunwoo exclaims as he hugs him.

“Yah, get your hands off me!”

The four of you arrived at Mingyu’s friend group’s shared house at 8:34 PM. The place was filled with students of different years; some you recognized while others were a mystery.

Since the three boys always hung out at your place, they already had some pieces of clothing stored in the corner of your room. All four of you were dressed up in casual clothing adorned with different accessories.

“Okay, we all have to agree that we're leaving together. That means no one is left behind nor does anyone just decide to leave early without our knowledge,” Chanhee says as he points at you and Sunwoo.

You sigh and nod. “We leave at 12:30 AM. And no Sunwoo, we aren’t leaving later than that.” Sunwoo only pouts. “I actually have a class to attend that I cannot cut.”

“Yeah, yeah. C’mon, let’s go!” He exclaims as he drags Chanhee into the house.

You frown as the two disappear from your sight. Changmin links arms with you which makes you look at him. “You’ll take care of me, right?” He only smiles and drags you into the house.

As the two of you were walking, he would greet people he would recognize. It was only when you finally reached the kitchen area that you were pushed to sit down on one of the stools. You watch his back as he mixes up a drink for you.

“Y/N, I’m going to limit you to drinking like… three drinks maybe,” Changmin says as he finally turns to look at you with two red cups in his hands.

As he hands you his mixed concoction, you sniff it. “What is this?”

“Something fruity… like you.” You only roll your eyes as you finally take a sip.

The tanginess of orange and the sweetness of strawberries filled your mouth. “Woah, it tastes like fruit punch. When did you learn to make this one?”

“I’ve made this for you before.” Changmin takes a sip from his cup. “I think you were just too drunk to remember it.”

You frown at him as you take another sip. “I have no idea why I’m here. Man, I should be studying for my test.”

“To be fair, you made me study with you before we started watching Youngji’s video.” Changmin looks through the snack table and grabs some chips for him to munch on. “And you seem to know your shit pretty well. You’ll be fine.”

“That’s true,” You say as you down your drink.

“You finished your drink already?!”

You give a guilty smile as you hand your cup to Changmin. “It was good.”

“Y/N, you’re supposed to drink slowly! You’ll get drunk if you drink way too fast.”

“No way, that shit tastes like juice.”

Changmin groans and says, “Y/N, that has like how many different alcoholic drinks in that cup. There’s like tequila, vodka, and other shit.”

You gasp as he finds something to put in your cup. “Jesus, Changmin! I thought you were going to take care of me.”

“Yeah, but I thought I could trust you enough to at least handle it yourself also. God, drink some water.” Changmin hands you a cup now full of water.

Once you down the cup, you throw the cup away.

“Yo, Changmin!” You hear someone call out your best friend’s name. Changmin sighs as he looks at you.

“You can go to that, I’ll be fine here,” You say with a smile.

“Remember, only three drinks, okay?” Once you nod, Changmin pats your head and makes his way out of the kitchen.

You sat alone as you looked over the snacks in front of you. You were not the type of person to mope around, and you did not want to force your friends to keep you company. With people coming in and out of the kitchen, you decide to grab your phone and look through Twitter to pass the time.

That is until you hear someone call out your name. “Y/N!” When you look up, you are surprised to see Kevin making his way toward you. It is only when he gets closer that you notice the cute 5th-year student trailing behind him.

“Oh! Kevin… and Jacob? It’s so nice to see you here,” you say as you quickly put your phone away. It is not that you did not expect to see Kevin and Jacob—scratch that, it is exactly that. You were not expecting to see your editor and your crush at a party where you were left to your own devices.

“Hey! Why is my favorite writer all alone?” Kevin asks with a pout.

Jacob makes his way to the stool beside you and takes a seat. “Hi,” he says with that familiar smile that still gives you butterflies.

“Ah, I came here with Chanhee, Changmin, and Sunwoo. They just have other friends they’re talking to so it’s fine,” you say as you scratch your arm.

Kevin grabs some fries and pops them into his mouth. “Damn, well don’t you worry. Both Jacob and I are here to keep our favorite 2nd-year some company.”

The best thing about Jacob and Kevin is that they never once made you feel excluded. In the work you do and all social gatherings that the members of the publication are invited to, they always seem to look out for you. Although you may not know the people they were planning to meet at this party, they still chose to stay with you.

“But first, let’s take some shots!” Kevin exclaims which only has Jacob groan.

“Kevin, the last time you did shots you were blackout drunk. Do you not have class tomorrow?”

“I actually do not! My professor decided to cancel class so I am free to drink!” Kevin smiles as he looks through the selection of liquors. “Will you drink with me, Y/N? Since Jacob is the designated driver.”

For a moment, you look back and forth between Jacob and Kevin. You knew that you would be in big trouble if you drank too much. That is why Changmin could not get mad at you if you drank in moderation.

“Yeah, fuck it. I’m not a lightweight.”

What turned into one shot turned into four shots and two cups (you think) of Jacob’s specialty cocktails. If you were not feeling the buzz then, you were definitely feeling it now. It helped that the alcohol was giving you enough confidence to talk to Jacob freely.

“Damn Y/N, you really know how to handle your liquor,” Kevin points out as he takes a sip from his drink prepared by Jacob.

“Jacob, you know how to prepare drinks for someone who does not usually attend parties,” you say with a small giggle following.

He smiles as he takes a sip from his cup of apple juice and says, “I think I could look into bartending if my degree in Korean Language and Literature fails to get me a job.”

“Hey! I still think you could look into singing,” Kevin says as he nudges Jacob.

You feel your eyes widen at the new piece of information. “You sing?” As you start to notice Jacob’s cheeks get tinted pink, you cannot help but hear your heartbeat in your ears.

“Yeah.” Jacob scratches the back of his head. “I’ve been doing it since high school.”

“You write and sing? Jesus, you got everything,” you say as you eat some chips.

“And he’s pretty good at basketball.” You gasp at this newfound information. “That’s what I’m saying!”

Jacob rolls his eyes as he playfully shoves Kevin. “I don’t have everything. I barely know how to dance.”

“Okay, but you could learn!” Kevin bounces his shoulders up and down. “I believe you could be an idol if you wanted.”

“You could have been a perfect interviewee for the K-Pop idol students coverage we’re doing.”

Jacob laughs at what you say and shakes his head. “Yeah, but I like what I do now.”

Kevin sighs as he wraps his arm around Jacob’s shoulder. “You are too humble for this world. You’re like an angel—not everyone will be blessed to have witnessed you.”

“That’s actually… so true. Wait, you kind of cooked with that,” you say which only has Kevin laugh.

“Right? God, I am such a writer.”

Before you could say anymore, you feel someone grab onto your shoulder. When you look behind you, you see Changmin with a disappointed look. “How much did you have?”

You take a moment to process his words which only makes him grab onto your face. “Y/N.” He scolds as he feels how hot your cheeks are from the alcohol.

“I swear, I’m okay,” You say as you clutch his hands that rested on your cheeks.

“How much did you drink?”

“C’mon, Changmin. I swear–”

“How much?”

You sigh as you move your hands back down to your lap. “Like… 2 more drinks.”

“In the time I was gone?!”

“Hey, Y/N said they were fine, right?” Kevin attempts to step in.

You nod which makes Changmin finally let go of your face. “Yeah, I’m okay. I swear.”

He only sighs as he sets his hands on his hips. “You sure?” Once you nod, he finally lets it go.

“Sorry, it’s just that I was in charge of taking care of Y/N but Juyeon and some other people from the dance team called for me. Hi again, Kevin and Jacob hyung.” He smiles at the two.

Jacob smiles and says, “It’s fine, you’re only looking out for them.”

Before more could be said, you hear someone call out your names. “Y/N-ah! Changmin-ah! Come here!”

As you look to where the sound came from, you can see a tipsy Sunwoo waving his arms at you from the living room. “Bring Jacob hyung and Kevin hyung too.”

“Is… he okay?” Jacob asks as he stands up straight.

You get off your stool and say, “I don’t know.”

Before you decide to leave the kitchen, you reach out for Changmin’s hand and drag him out. The four of you make your way past the busy crowd until you finally see Sunwoo, Chanhee, Juyeon, and some other people you did not recognize. At the coffee table, you see different cups and bottles. Yet, there is one particular cup that catches your eye—one filled with whatever you can imagine.

“We’re testing each other’s loyalty.” As soon as Chanhee says that, Changmin groans.

“Are you serious?”

Sunwoo smiles as he wraps his arm around Changmin’s shoulders. “It’ll be fun! Kevin, Jacob, Juyeon, and Hyunjae are in one team while we are in the other!”

“Wait, but I can’t drink. I’m driving,” Jacob says, which only has Kevin laughing.

“Don’t worry, you’ll just be the last.”

In the loyalty game, you are split into two teams. If your team loses playing rock, paper, or scissors, you all have to drink one shared cup of whatever alcohol concoction the other team made. The real test of loyalty lies in how much your team is willing to drink before forcing the last person in line to drink the rest.

Whenever you four played this game, there was always a shithead (usually Sunwoo) who would drink as little as possible so that the remaining members would drink more. You could not get mad at Sunwoo for usually doing such; it sounds like something you would do too. However, with you having a test tomorrow, you really did not want to risk anything.

“Are we really doing this?” You ask as Sunwoo pushes you and Changmin to his side.

Sunwoo only nods as both he and Chanhee have their hands out. “C’mon, we need to decide the order.”

While the other team was busy deciding their order, you four were playing amongst themselves. Despite what you wanted, the universe had its own plans—the order was Chanhee, Sunwoo, Changmin, and lastly, you.

“Oh, c’mon! Sunwoo, your ass better drink,” you exclaim as you groan.

“Has your order been decided?” Hyunjae, someone you only met right before the game, asks which has you four falling in line.

The other team was ordered by Kevin, Juyeon, Hyunjae, and Jacob. As everyone let out their hums of approval, the game began. You were not paying attention to how the game was playing out as you were up in your thoughts. It is only until you come face-to-face with Jacob’s angelic face (though you do not miss that he had his hand out).

“W-what? You guys lost?!” You exclaimed as you looked at the three devils you always seem to be teamed with.

Sunwoo scratches the back of his head and says, “I believe in you?”

“Your tone makes it sound like you don’t!”

“If it helps, you have a good chance of beating me. I usually suck at these,” Jacob says with a smile.

Somehow, you allow yourself to be fooled by that smile. You block out every sound as you continue to be entranced by his features. That is why when you play the game, you do not realize that you played paper while he played scissors.

Jacob’s team cheered as they grabbed onto him. As the opposing team cheered, your team was left disappointed. You all looked back and forth between each other and the singular cup that rested on the table.

“Bottoms up!” Kevin exclaims which has Chanhee pick up the cup.

He gives you three a good look before he takes a big gulp of the drink. With only ¼ of the drink left, he hands it to Sunwoo who only has a sly smirk on his face.

“Sunwoo, don’t you dare.”

Somehow, the universe made sure to give you one shithead that you would have to endure for the rest of your life. It had to be a shithead that you could never imagine life without. Why did that shithead have to be Sunwoo?

Sunwoo only took a small sip from the cup and handed it to Changmin, earning laughs from the opposing team. Although you could hear Chanhee scolding him, it clearly did not matter to him. You and Changmin give a good look at each other.

“Hey, I can handle it,” You say as you try to tug on his arm.

You do not know how many drinks Changmin already had, but you knew that your friend could not handle his alcohol as much as you could. Still, he chose to ignore your protests as he looked back at everyone.

He tipped the cup back and downed more than he could clearly handle. “Wow, Changmin-ah!” The others cheered. You were only left with barely a dribble of alcohol as he finally handed you the cup. Although everyone was happy with how much he drank, you were worried.

“Changmin, you are so strong,” Kevin says as he pats his shoulders.

You notice the way Changmin wobbles in place. “Ah, come on,” you say as you force him and yourself to take a seat on the couch.

“You didn’t have to drink that much,” you scolded him as you signal Chanhee to get some water for the both of you while the others seemed off in their own worlds.

“It’s fine. I didn’t want you to drink too much because you have a test tomorrow,” he says as he leans his head on your shoulder.

Changmin would always spend his time looking out for you even if you did not ask. It has always been like that since you first became friends with him. Somehow, you were always under the care of your best friend.

You sigh as you rub your hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, but you could have left a little for me. I know you are worse with alcohol than I am.”

Chanhee arrives with two cups of water. “C’mon, drink up.”

You grab your cup and quickly drink it up before setting it down on the table. You grab Changmin’s cup from Chanhee and try to nudge the boy beside you.

“Hey, you need to drink some water,” you say, which makes Changmin finally grab the cup and finish as much as he can.

You nudged him once more to finish the whole cup of water to which he listened. “Good. You need to drink water after how much you’ve drank.”

Chanhee sighs at the sight of his two friends who were sprawled on the couch and said, “Sunwoo, I think it’s time we go.”

“W-what? Why?” Sunwoo whines as he takes a seat beside his drunk friends.

“I’m tipsy and your friend here is fucking drunk,” you say as you point to Changmin whose head was on your shoulder and eyes were getting droopy.

Sunwoo frowns for a moment. “Fine, let’s go.” He attempts to stand up with the help of Chanhee.

“Hey.” You nudge as you whisper to Changmin. “Let’s go home, okay?”

He looks up and stares into your eyes for a moment. And suddenly he erupts into giggles.

“Y/N-ah, your face is so funny.”

You roll your eyes at what he says and nudge him off your shoulder. As he whines, you help him off the couch. His arm wraps around your shoulder as he slouches beside you.

“Hey, let me help,” Jacob says as he helps hold up Changmin.

“Ah, thank you.”

The three of you slowly make your way out of the house and see Sunwoo and Chanhee standing by the sidewalk. You only notice that Kevin followed as soon as he spoke. “Hey, do you and your friends need a ride back to your place?”

“Oh, you don’t have to! We were just going to get an Uber,” you attempt to reassure them.

Jacob shakes his head and says, “No, it’s fine! I think it would be safer for you also.”

You bite your lip as you look at Chanhee. All he does is give you a shrug as he continues to nurse Sunwoo. As soon as you sigh, you decide to give in to your editor’s offer.

“Thank you, Kevin and Jacob. I’m sorry about this. Please let Chanhee and I pay you back for this.”

“It’s fine! It’s nice to see you and your friends,” Jacob says with a smile.

As your group makes its way to Jacob’s car, you notice that his car is big enough to carry at most eight people. Sunwoo and Chahee got in the third row of the car, you and Changmin got in the second row, and Kevin sat in the shotgun. Once Jacob turned on the ignition, you told him the address of Changmin and Chanhee’s place.

The ride was mostly quiet with the occasional grunts from Sunwoo. Changmin was fast asleep on your shoulder as you stared out the window.

Usually, the roles would have been reserved—Changmin would spend most of his time taking care of your drunk ass. Yet, to see him go to such lengths to make sure you do not miss your test warms your heart.

It is 11:35 AM. You were on your way back to Changmin and Chanhee’s place to check up on the three boys. Thankfully, your test was not too hard. You knew that if you studied a little harder, you could have aced it.

As soon as you arrived at their place, you knocked on the door only to be greeted by Chanhee who was pretty alive. “Hey, how are they?” You ask as you step in and remove your shoes to put aside.

“Sunwoo is fine. Changmin, however, is dying. I think he’s just been in bed,” he says as he closes the door behind you.

You quickly make your way to Changmin’s room and open the door to only see him still in bed with squinted eyes. As you pout at the sight, you quietly make your way to the bed and sit down beside him. Due to the sudden action, his eyes snap open which has you show him a guilty smile.

“Hey, Changmin-ah.” You set your hand on his leg and lightly rub it up and down. “Are you okay?”

It takes a moment for him to process your words. As soon as he lets out a groan, you only chuckle.

“I got you something.” You look through your bag and pull out a bottle of hangover cure before dropping it to the floor. “I know you usually drink this before drinking, but I think it would still help you now.”

Changmin only hums one more as his eyes start to get droopy.

“C’mon, drink this before you go back to sleep,” You say as you scoot closer to him.

You helped him sit up straight and opened the bottle for him. Although Changmin grabbed it, you helped make sure he would finish it before placing it on the bedside table. He started to lie back down on the bed, dragging you along.

“Hey.” You try to move only for him to wrap his arms around you and nuzzle his face into your neck. “Changmin, I–”

Changmin only shushes you. For a moment, you two remain like that. He always seems to cling to you whenever he can. In your time knowing him, you have always noticed that he likes physical touch more than your other two friends. It never bothered you. If anything, it felt nice to know that there would always be someone who would want to cling to you—if he needed to do so, you always found yourself allowing it.

“Changmin-ah, we have practice,” Sunwoo says as he enters the room to see you two cozied up.

As he takes in the sight, he only frowns. “Is he still dead?”

You frown back and whisper, “You guys have dance practice? We should have never gone out drinking, the fuck.”

“To be fair, I was not expecting him to drink that much.” Despite Sunwoo’s attempts to defend himself, you only flip him off.

You look at the guy sleeping next to you, feeling his breath against the side of your neck. The thing with Changmin is that he hates missing practice. There have been instances where he would get a fever and be extremely guilty for missing it.

As you sigh, you look back at Sunwoo who only had a guilty smile plastered on his face. “Let him sleep in. He’s not in the state to practice right now.”

“Y/N, you know he’s going to be mad if he misses out on practice.”

“Well, let him be mad.” You frown. “He can be mad at me for all I care. Let him rest, I already feel bad that he’s like this because of us.” With that, Sunwoo nods and leaves the room.

It is 7:43 PM. You and Jacob finished interviewing Song Yuqi, a member of (G)I-DLE‎. Your next and last interview for your assigned coverage would be four days from now with Choi Yeonjun of TXT.

“Ah, what a day!” You exclaim as you made your way out of the classroom you were interviewing Yuqi in. Jacob and Chanhee trailed behind you with slouched shoulders.

Chanhee only sighs as he looks through the photos he took. “Tell me about it.”

“Nice work, you two. I can’t believe it’s this late already.” Jacob takes a look at the time. “What do you guys have planned now?”

“I’m actually going to hang out with Hyunjae hyung.”

You gasp at Chanhee’s words and smack his arm. “How come I didn’t know about this?!”

“To be fair, not much has happened. We just exchanged numbers at the party,” he mumbles the last sentence. “Which is why I need to go. I’ll see you guys for Yeonjun’s interview!”

With that, you were left alone with Jacob.

“Care to walk with me?” You give him a smile and nod. As the two of you walked, a comfortable silence came. Throughout your time working with Jacob, you felt happy to be with him whether you two were talking about nothing or everything.

“So, how are you? How’s Changmin and Sunwoo?” You laugh at Jacob’s question.

It has been a week since you went to Mingyu’s party—a week since Changmin took care of you. Throughout the week, you have not been able to spend time with him and Sunwoo due to the press cycle work. Chanhee could easily see them since he lives with Changmin.

At first, you were fine with it since it meant you were spending more time with Jacob (with Chanhee joining every once in a while). You got to learn more about him outside of the image you created in your head.

He has always loved to sing and play basketball since he was young. However, it was only in high school that he obtained this newfound love for Korean literature. The more he ventured into the topic, the more he felt happy with pursuing it as his course.

What surprised you is that he never planned to write for the university’s newspaper. Despite being one of the best writers you know in the publication (not an overstatement), he only applied because Kevin dragged him to do so. You never knew that their friendship went way back since high school.

As the days went by, you started to miss your other best friends. You texted them occasionally in the group chat but not much was said other than reasons why you could not meet up with them. Your time with Jacob sadly could not make up for the fact that you missed hanging out with your best friends.

“They’re okay. I haven’t been hanging out with them that much since the party because of the work we do,” you admit.

Jacob pouts and says, “I can only imagine since they do have practice also. That’s why I find it hard to hang out with Juyeon as well.”

You only sigh as you two make your way out of the building. “Yeah, I just miss seeing them. I know they have been stressed about the upcoming competition also so it doesn’t help that we’re just busy.”

“Yeah, it’s funny how even if we're all in the same university, it’s still hard to find time to hang out.”

Jacob is right. With your friend group coming from different courses, years, and extracurricular activities, it does get hard to find time to meet. Despite fixing your schedules to make sure that you all would have lunch together, some obligations seem to get in the way.

Yet, you four always made it work. No matter how different your schedules may be or how different your priorities are, your friend group always found its way back to each other.

Before you could say more, you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket. Once you take it out, you notice a message from Changmin.

qramzi 🐿️: are you free rn? qramzi 🐿️: if you are, come to the dance studio

“You should go to him.” You look up only to see Jacob smiling at you.

You pout and ask, “How did you know it was from one of them?”

“Just a feeling.” He hums as he looks at the athletics center from afar. “Also, you kind of have this certain smile every time you talk to your friends—it’s nice to see.”

You cannot hide the blush that starts to creep onto your face. It never dawned on you that Jacob has observed you enough to notice such a small detail. As soon as his smile got bigger, you were certain that he noticed how flustered you were.

“I’ll see you a few days from now. Thanks, Jacob.” And with that, you were off to the athletics center.

The moment you got into the center, you could hear the faint sounds of “No Diggity” by Blackstreet from afar. You walked to the source until you arrived in front of the door leading to the main dance studio. As soon as you swung it open, you could see your best friend in the middle of a dance routine.

Changmin was dressed up in jogging pants and a white shirt that was starting to cling onto his torso. You could notice the light shine on his skin, glistening from sweat. Only time could tell how long he has been practicing.

The moment he spots you through the mirror, he quickly halts his movements and runs toward you. “Y/N-ah!” He barely gives you time to enter the studio and wraps his arms around you.

“Changmin! You’re sweaty!” You complain as he continues to hold onto you. As you closed the doors behind you, he finally let go of you with a big smile on his face. “You get so happy to see me. Maybe I should just avoid seeing you,” you joke only for him to roll his eyes.

“Don’t even try. You know damn well you can’t survive without seeing me too.”

You only smile as you follow him back to the spot where he was practicing. He reached out for his phone to pause the music while you sat on the ground to lean your back against the mirror.

“So, is there any reason you called me here?”

Changmin shrugs as he wipes the sweat off his forehead. “Just missed you, that’s all.”

“Be for real right now.”

“Fine. I need a ride back home.” You roll your eyes as Changmin starts to beg you.

“C’mon! You know how hard it is to find a ride back at this time, especially at our university.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Just buy me dinner at least.”

Changmin frowns and asks, “You haven’t eaten?” Once you nod, he shakes his head and grabs his phone before taking a seat beside you. “You really need to eat.” He passes you his phone. “How do you even survive your meetings with an empty stomach?”

“To be fair, I had a late lunch.”

“And what exactly did you eat for your late lunch?”

“Well…” You give a sheepish smile. “Some yogurt.”

“Exactly what I thought. Whatever, just order something for the both of us.”

“That was good,” you say as you rest your hand on your belly.

Changmin is seated across from you with a frown on his face. “Really? I wasn’t able to tell since you practically devoured my food.”

“Hey! You were the one who offered your food to me!”

Changmin laughs and ruffles your hair. “I’m just kidding.” You frown and attempt to fix the mess he created.

“You have a competition, right? At the end of the semester?”

“Yeah.” Changmin sighs as he looks down at his phone. “It’s happening around late November so that it doesn’t coincide with finals season.”

You decide to ask him the golden question. “How is it so far?”

For a moment, Changmin does not respond. He lets his head loll backward and stares up at the ceiling. Before you could say anything more, he started to speak.

“It’s a lot, really. I think it’s sinking in that this will probably be the last competition I participate in since I’m planning to choreograph one of the performances for the year-end concert.” He looks back at you. “I just… want it to be perfect, you know?”

You have always known Changmin to be a perfectionist. Since your time working with him in the publication, he has always been particular about the work he puts out. Sunwoo has also shared his experience with the perfectionist when it came to dancing (and it was not a pleasant experience). Though, you understood where he came from.

“I want my last performance to be something I am proud of…” He takes a deep breath. “Because I know I won’t have another opportunity to dance again.”

As he says those words, you reach out to his hand that rests on his lap and hold onto it. He looks down at your intertwined fingers and shows a small smile at the sight.

“I understand where this is coming from. I don’t even think it has fully sunk in that you’re graduating already,” you admit as you bite the inside of your cheek.

Changmin chuckles and jokes, “Don’t think you’ll survive without me?”

“Yeah,” you answer without letting a beat pass.

It is true. No matter how independent you made yourself out to be, you knew how much you relied on your friends—most especially Changmin. You have gone so long in your life with your best friends at your side that you never let yourself imagine a life without them.

“It’s almost like when you first graduated high school; I remember I couldn’t stop crying after you graduated.” Changmin laughs at the memory you mention. “You remember that, right?”

“Of course I do. I remember I was comforting you and Sunwoo on the day I was finally free from high school.”

You smile as you look back down at your hand that held him. “It’s just silly to recall. I mean, it already seemed like Sunwoo was set on going to the same university as you—just not me.”

“But you’re here now.”

And you nod as you look back at his eyes. “Yeah, I am.”

Changmin moves to take a seat beside you. With his hand still latched onto yours, he draws circles on the back of your hand.

“I’m glad to be here, you know?” You lean your head on his shoulder. “I like to know that as we grow in the things we like to do, we’ll always be there to witness each other reach heights we used to dream of.”

It is silent for a moment. All you could hear was Changmin’s breathing in sync with yours. You let your eyes close for a minute, happy enough to just be in that moment with your pillar of strength—your very own reason to keep going.

“I’m glad you’re here, too.”

“Ah, thank you so much again for having this interview with us!” You bow with Jacob and Chanhee to express your gratitude to Yeonjun. The four of you have officially wrapped the last interview for the coverage of K-Pop student idols. With Yuqi’s and Yeonjun’s experiences, the three of you got to learn the joys and struggles that come with such a life.

“No, thank you! It was nice to talk about my experience,” he says with a smile. “I’ll be heading out. It’s nice to see you again, Chanhee hyung.” Chanhee gives him a wave before he bids farewell and leaves the room. You sigh happily as you look down at the notes you took.

“Chanhee, you know him?” Jacob asks to which he nods.

“Yeah, I’ve had some classes with him. Not much interaction but he’s alright.”

You nod as you flip through your notes. “He’s cute.”

“Yah!” Chanhee smacks your arm only to make you laugh. “You know how risky it is to pursue an idol?!”

“I’m just saying! Jeez, I’m not going to marry him or anything. I’ll just check the group out,” you whisper those last words which causes him to shake his head.

“Whatever, I can’t stop your ass,” he admits defeat as he stands up from his seat and slings his messenger bag on his shoulder. “Y/N, I’ll catch you later at our place, right?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Thanks, again! I’ll see you two for the next coverage.” With that, Chanhee was off.

Once again, you were left alone with Jacob.

“Hey, Y/N?” Your eyes shoot up to Jacob who was already off his chair. “Do you… want to grab lunch with me?”

“I’m sorry?” You could not believe the words that left his mouth.

“I mean, if you’re busy it’s fine!” Jacob scratches the back of his head. “It’s just that it’s about to be lunchtime.”

You cannot help but smile. Never would you have ever expected to have lunch with your crush—let alone be asked by him too. If there was a way to talk to your younger self, you would talk about this moment.

“Y-yeah! I’m free.” You close your notepad and shove it in your bag. “We definitely can.”

Jacob smiles as soon as you get off your seat. “Great! Do you like pho?”

Once you nod, his smile gets bigger. You do not think you will ever get over that smile.

It is 8:23 PM. You and Changmin were seated on his bed as you stared at the homework on your laptop for your Biology class due tomorrow. Although you were a HUMSS student, you had to take general subjects as it was required in the curriculum.

Despite having the choice to pick amongst the different natural science courses offered, you had the unfortunate fate of being left with Human Biology (you did not even know they offered it to non-STEM students) as the only option. You were usually decent with basic science, but you could not understand anything complex. That is why you were glad to have a friend who was well-versed in it.

“Jesus, which professor did you end up with?” Changmin asks as he skims through the worksheet full of questions you barely understood.

“Mr. Hwang.”

“You got him?!” He exclaims with his eyebrows shooting up. “Even I managed to avoid him because of all the reviews he got.”

You roll your eyes and let yourself plop back on his bed. “I know, and I hate him. It just sucks because his schedule fits my timetable perfectly so I thought it would be fine.”

Changmin clicks his tongue against his teeth and says, “Well, your problem now.”

“I know!” You sit back up and frown at your friend who was reading through your homework. “It was impossible to be transferred to another class because the other classes were clashing with my major classes.”

He nudges your shoulder and says, “At least you have me to help you out.”

Somehow, it took only two hours for you two (mostly Changmin) to accomplish your homework. During that time, it was mostly productive with you getting side-tracked by your phone. It helped that he took his time explaining each question rather than leaving you in the dark.

“You know, you’re a very good teacher,” you point out as you finally submit your work through the online portal.

“What do you expect? I mean, I’m hoping to be a preschool teacher,” Changmin says as he stretches his back.

“I don’t know.” You finally open up another document that had your draft for your first coverage with Jacob. “It’s just nice to experience it first-hand.”

Changmin takes a peek at your screen and pouts at the sight. “More work?” You only hum as you go through Kevin’s comments, approving most edits.

“You’re still working with Jacob, right?” As soon as a smile starts to creep in, he gasps. “How is it?”

“It’s fun!” You shrug as you type on your keyboard to answer some comments your editor has and attempt to reflect it on your second draft. “He’s really reliable, so I’m happy that I’m working with him.”

He smirks. “And?”

“Well…” You bit on the inside of your cheek in an attempt to stop the smile from getting any bigger. “He asked me out to lunch.”

As soon as you reveal that piece of information, he smiles. “That’s great.”

“Yeah, it’s not much.” You shrug. “I mean, it seemed convenient to just eat together then.”

“Hey, it’s still something,” he says, which makes you feel at ease.

Your best friend is well aware of your very barren love life. If anything, you two were in the same boat. Although you always find yourself jumping from one crush to another, he has never found himself entertaining anyone who was interested.

It is funny—you two are opposites that stick together. While you ramble about all your short-lived crushes, he always listened as if it were the morning radio. However, your crushes never progressed past the infatuation stage. That is why when you share with him your adventures with Jacob, it felt like this was turning out differently from other puppy loves.

You sigh and decide to abandon your work. “He’s a very sweet guy.”

“I’m glad he is. You only deserve sweet ones,” Changmin says, which makes you pout.

“And thank you for always reminding me that.”

It is true—he has always made sure to remind you that you only deserve happiness. No matter how many one-sided crushes, terrible professors, or mental hurdles you faced, he liked to remind you that there is something at the end worth fighting for.

“What about you? Do you have anyone you like or just find interesting?” You decide to finally ask your best friend.

He shakes his head and says, “Nope. I’m so busy with dance and thesis.”

You could only laugh in disbelief. “I’m not asking if you’re planning to date anyone! You really don’t find anyone cute?”

“Ask me again after the competition.” He shrugs before letting himself lie down on his bed. “Right now, there’s no one.”

With your work now abandoned, you let yourself lie down beside him. The two of you stared up at the ceiling as you let silence come between you. You could only hear Changmin’s breathing. Once you rolled onto your side, you let your eyes fall on your best friend.

In that period, you let yourself really take in his appearance; his eyebags have gotten heavier; his shoulders seemed tense; his eyes were on the border of closing. You always knew that your best friend has been tired from his academics and dance, but now was the only time you started to see how it was affecting him physically.

“Hey,” you speak up which has him turning his head to face you. Before you could say anything more, your hand reaches out for his. “I’ll always be here for you. You know that, right?”

He gives you a soft smile and intertwines his fingers with yours. Instead of saying anything, he rolls on his side. And with his eyes closed, he brings your linked hands close to where his heart is.

It has been weeks since you and Jacob wrapped up your first coverage together. Surprisingly, you two had minimal edits—almost like a clean close. Kevin seemed happy with the work you two delivered.

“Excellent read! I can’t believe you managed to interview Yeonjun and Yuqi for this,” your editor says as he scans through the article once more. “Plus, Chanhee’s photos and videos are good. Nice call, by the way. I think the videos will help in garnering more attention.”

Kevin quickly switches windows and plays a video of Yeonjun’s interview. “Who did you get from the video editing team to work on this?”

“I worked on it mostly, but Heejin helped in some segments I didn’t know how to execute,” Chanhee answers as he proudly watches his work on Kevin’s screen.

Jacob watches the video in awe and says, “Woah, this is nice. Did you know about this, Y/N?”

“Yup!” You nod as you smile at the three. “Chanhee was showing it to me throughout his editing process. It’s cool to see it come to life.”

You have always known your best friend to be well-versed in photography and video editing. When he initially pitched the idea to you, you wondered why he wanted to do it himself when you had a small staff capable of handling it. However, the process to ring them in would only take too long. Chanhee’s persistence is both a present and a threat—he always found himself pushing limits which could ultimately lead him to his downfall or success.

“God,” Kevin says with a happy sigh. “You three are almost like the perfect team! I’m looking forward to the other coverages. Once the two coverages are done, I will for sure treat you three to some food.” The three of you could only smile at his praise and promise.

Now, it is 9:34 PM. The most anticipated party of the year has finally come—Sohn Eric’s Halloween Extravaganza. Despite him being the same year as you and Sunwoo, everyone agreed that he knew how to party. Last year, you two along with Changmin got hammered while Chanhee was left to take care of you three.

At that same party, you made friends with other members of the publication who were not part of the Features staff while Sunwoo was busy making out with someone from the volleyball team. While Changmin was busy hanging out with people from his dance team and playing drinking games, Chanhee was out talking to someone from the soccer team. It seemed that everyone was happy with what they gained from the party.

Now, you and Sunwoo are seated on the couch at Changmin and Chanhee’s place all dressed up in costume. While you chose to go as Howl Jenkins Pendragon from Howl’s Moving Castle, Sunwoo opted to go as a soccer player.

“Your costume is so generic,” you point out as you look at him from head to toe.

Sunwoo frowns. “I’m sorry that I chose to not weeb out like you.”

As he plays with the soccer ball in his hand, you decide to ask him a question. “Where did you even find the jersey?”

All he does is point to the back of his shirt which has the last name “Lee” and the number ten. “I asked Dokyeom hyung and he had an old jersey that I could borrow.”

You furrow your eyebrows, confused to hear that name leave his mouth. “Since when were you and Dokyeom friends?”

“Since that one party where we played the loyalty game,” he says with a smirk. “C’mon Y/N, didn’t you say I was Mr. Popular?”

You could only roll your eyes at the way he flatters himself. “God, you are so annoying. And also so boring. I can’t believe you chose to dress up as your old sport just because you want to make out with someone.”

Your best friend shrugs with a smirk still resting on his lips. “Or go up to the fourth base with someone.” As soon as he says those words, you scrunch your face up in disgust.

“Changmin! Chanhee! Please save me from this fucktard!” Sunwoo shoves your arm which only makes you laugh. You spot Chanhee finally leaving his room all dressed up in a blue jumpsuit and goggles sitting on the top of his head.

“Ah, you did end up going with Pororo!” You exclaim with a smile on your face.

Chanhee spins around in place to show you two his whole fit. “Does it look nice?” He asks with a shy smile on his face.

“Yeah! It suits you,” Sunwoo says, which allows Chanhee to feel relieved.

“Where’s Changmin? It’s almost 10 PM!” You say as you stand up from the couch. Chanhee only shrugs as he takes a seat beside Sunwoo. “I don’t know what’s taking him this long.” You sigh and walk towards the door of Changmin’s room.

“Changmin!” You knock on his door. “We’re waiting for you.”

No response. With a frown on your face, you swing the door open. As you step into the room, you notice that everything has been tidied up in his room, no sign of him getting ready. You tilt your head at the sight, clearly confused.

“What the fuck? Chanhee, he’s not even here!” Before you could do any more, you felt someone grab onto your shoulder with a menacing whisper following right after.

“Peekaboo.”

As soon as you hear those words, you screech. “What the fuck!” You spin around only to reveal that the sinister voice belonged to Changmin whose smile was bigger than ever. As you take in his costume of blue overalls, red wig, and a lazy attempt at stitches on his face, you notice a creepy doll tucked in his arm.

“Yah, Ji Changmin!” You whine as you let yourself take a seat on his bed with your hand clutching your chest.

He only laughs as he parades his doll around. “You’re still such a scaredy cat.”

You frown and say, “You’re so mean! You know how much I hate stuff like this!”

Both Chanhee and Sunwoo quickly enter the room to see the mess Changmin has created. “Yah, you know Y/N hates this more than me and Sunwoo,” Chanhee says as he shakes his head.

“When did you even get that doll?”

“First off, his name is Chucky. And I got him a few days ago! I’m so glad he arrived on time,” Changmin answers Sunwoo’s question and plays with his doll once more.

Chanhee sighs and grabs your hand to pull you off the bed. “C’mon, it’s almost 10 PM. We should head to Eric’s place already.”

The perpetrator quickly links his free arm with yours and pouts. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I was expecting to scare Sunwoo but you came in!”

“What do you mean you were trying to scare me?!”

Changmin scowls at Sunwoo and says, “This isn’t about you.”

You roll your eyes. “It’s fine. I guess you wanted to have your fun before you have to take care of our asses.” Once you see the confusion on Changmin’s face, you cannot help but smile.

“What do you mean I have to take care of you guys?”

Chanhee giggles and says, “That’s what we agreed on last time, remember? You take care of us while Sunwoo, Y/N, and I drink our hearts out.”

It takes Changmin a moment to recall the said conversation which happened a month ago. As soon as the memory hits him, he groans. “Really?”

You shrug, clearly happy with how the events are playing out. “Think of it as your way of saying sorry to me.” He only sighs, knowing he could not argue.

The four of you finally arrived at Eric’s place which was bustling with more people than expected. You could only guess that word about last year’s party got around. From what you could see, some people came in different costumes. In a sea of generic costumes such as nurses and firefighters, you were happy to spot cool costumes like Sanrio or video game characters.

“Well, I’m headed off to find Eric,” Sunwoo says.

“I’ll join you.” Chanhee says before he takes a look at you and Changmin. “Don’t forget, we leave at the latest 1 AM. Don’t separate, okay?”

As soon as you two nod, Sunwoo and Chanhee make a beeline toward wherever Eric may be. You cling to Changmin’s arm as he leads you two to the kitchen. What you do not expect to see is your editor and crush there.

Kevin was dressed up in a black and white leopard print and makeup which you could only guess as Cruella de Vil from 101 Dalmatians. However, nothing could have prepared you for Jacob’s outfit. He wore a volleyball uniform and an orange wig with a volleyball by his hip. You have always been a big fan of Haikyuu, so to see Jacob dressed up as one of your favorite characters made your heart flutter.

“Oh, Kevin and Jacob hyung!” Changmin exclaims, which grabs their attention.

“Y/N and Changmin! It’s so nice to see you,” Kevin says with a smile on his face.

“Ah, Cruella de Vil and Hinata?”

“Yeah! Not a lot of people could figure out who I dressed up as. Everyone loves Jacob’s costume though,” he answers your best friend.

“You’re Howl, right? And Changmin is Chucky because of the doll.” Jacob asks which finally has you snap out of your trance.

Changmin smiles as he tries to show off his doll and answers, “Yeah! Do you like him?”

“He’s… something!” Kevin says which only makes you laugh.

“If it helps, I hate that doll.” In an attempt to agree with your editor, you earn a nudge from Changmin.

“Hey! He’s our kid,” he complains with a pout on his lips. You only ignore his comment and drag him to take a seat with you on the stools.

Since Jacob and Kevin were wrapped up in their conversation, you took this as an opportunity to quietly ask Changmin something. “You don’t want to hang out with your friends from the dance team?”

He shakes his head and says, “I’m fine here with you.” You let yourself smile at him before he could find a way for you two to squeeze into Jacob and Kevin’s conversation.

While the four of you talked over some drinks specially made by Jacob, you were pleasantly surprised to see Eric come in a baseball uniform. “Hey, guys!”

“Eric! It’s nice to see you,” You greet the party host.

“Why are you guys just here?” Eric quickly grabs a bottle of beer. “You don’t want to dance or play some party games?”

“We’ll probably join the crowd in a little bit,” Kevin says as he wraps his arm around Eric’s shoulder. “Also, coming in your baseball uniform? You’re so generic.”

“Hey! It was the only thing I had since I was busy organizing this party,” Eric attempts to defend himself.

Jacob chuckles and says, “Well, it’s a nice party.”

“Thank you!”

“Have you seen Sunwoo and Chanhee?” Changmin decides to ask the host.

“Oh, yeah! I saw them just a few minutes ago.” Eric chuckles. “Sunwoo’s busy trying to rizz up someone from the swimming team.”

Your face scrunches up in disgust as you lean your head on Changmin’s shoulder. “What about Chanhee?”

“I think he’s just with Hyunjae hyung.”

“Ah, I see,” you say with a smirk as your best friend and Kevin giggle.

It takes a few seconds before the dots connect in Jacob’s head. “Is something going on between Chanhee and Hyunjae?” He asks with a gasp.

“Yeah! Haven’t you noticed that Hyunjae hyung is always with him?”

Jacob ponders over his best friend’s question for a moment. “Huh, that makes sense.”

“They’re actually so cute, but I actually don’t think anything is going to happen,” Eric says after he takes a sip of his beer.

Changmin hums and agrees, “Based on what I talked about with Chanhee, it looks like they’re just friends.”

“You don’t think it’ll turn into something more?” Kevin asks with a pout on his lips.

“It would get messy, don’t you think? Since your friend groups are slowly getting close.”

You sigh and answer Eric’s question with, “Honestly, whatever makes the two happy. I think they’ll manage to figure it out.”

“Feelings are weird.” Once Changmin says those words, you could only hum in agreement. You felt like you did not know enough to comment on whatever Chanhee and Hyunjae have going on. All that mattered to you is that your friends were happy and safe at all times.

“Hey, Changmin hyung!” Someone you could only recognize to be Lee Chan, Changmin’s teammate in the dance team, enters the kitchen with a cup in his hands. “Oh, hi Eric! Well, I just wanted to call my lovely friend to play some beer pong with us. You guys are free to join us!”

“Oh, I’ll join!” Eric quickly says before he makes his way out of the kitchen.

As you lift your head from Changmin’s shoulder, your best friend frowns at Chan. “Wait, I can’t drink that much. I’m taking care of Y/N and like… the others.”

You shake your head and nudge him. “It’s fine,” you reassure him.

He shakes his head firmly and says, “We have a buddy system, remember? Plus, I don’t want to ditch you.”

“Then they can join us!” Chan attempts to convince him further. “If it helps, we’re playing with people outside of the dance team.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll probably just hang with those from the publication.” You smile at Chan and take a look at Changmin. “What if I just meet you two hours from now? We can meet here.” Changmin bites the inside of his cheek as he contemplates.

“Uhm, we’ll also stay with Y/N,” Jacob chimes in. As your head whips in his direction, you could see his signature smile. You would think that working with him for a few weeks would give you time to get used to his smile. And yet, you still found yourself melting at the view.

“Yeah!” You look back at your best friend. “I promise that I won’t drink too much without you.” It takes a moment before Changmin decides to give in to Chan’s request. Before he could stand up from his seat, you reach out for his doll. “Let me take care of our child.”

He cannot help but smile before he hands his Chucky doll to you. “I won’t forget you calling him that.” With that, he followed Chan out of the kitchen.

You sigh and hold the Chucky doll close to you, combing through its hair. “Do you know where News and Social Media are staying? Maybe we can stay with Seungkwan and Yeji?”

“I spotted them by the pool area. It’s actually in the same area Changmin is playing beer pong,” Kevin says, which has you standing up from your seat.

“Why don’t you guys go ahead? I’ll just meet you there,” you say as your eyes looked through the drinks.

And there comes Jacob with his sweet smile. “I’ll wait for you. Kevin, we can just meet you there.”

For a moment, you could notice Kevin snickering but he quickly covers it up by saying, “Sure.” As soon as he makes his way out of the kitchen, you give your crush a shy smile.

“Do you mind mixing me another drink?”

Jacob chuckles as he grabs the cup from you. “It’s fine, I don’t mind if it’s you.”

You do not know what to make of his comment, slightly blushing as he creates another great concoction. You decided to stand beside him and lean against the counter so that you could get a good look at whatever he was making you. In the cup, he poured two different liquors and cranberry juice.

“Can I… ask something?” He decides to ask you as he hands you back your cup.

You raise your eyebrows before you take a sip of the drink. “Oh, it’s good!” He smiles at your comment. “Yeah, of course! Ask whatever.”

Jacob takes a moment to think over his words. “I don’t really know how to ask it.”

You laugh and say, “Jacob, aren’t you a writer?”

“Yeah! But sometimes, words are weird.”

“Just say it to me straight. I think it would make it easier for us both,” you reassure him before you drink.

“Are you and Changmin dating?” As soon as those words leave his mouth, you choke on your drink.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” He quickly grabs some tissue and wipes your chin as you cough.

As you grab the tissue from his hand, you set down your cup on the counter. “S-sorry! I didn’t expect that.”

“That’s why I said I didn’t know how to phrase it right.” He pouts as you wave your hand at him to signal that it was alright.

“No, your question is fine!” You cough out before taking a deep breath. “Why would you think that?”

Jacob scratches the back of his neck and says, “I just thought so based on tonight’s event. I suspected something was going on between you two that one night I gave you guys a ride home. I was just thinking that tonight might have confirmed my suspicion.” You tilt your head over his words.

All throughout your friendship with Changmin, no one has ever thought of you two in a relationship. In every interaction and time spent with him, you have always thought it was normal. Sure, you do acknowledge that you spend more time with him than you do with Sunwoo and Chanhee, but it never meant that you two were together.

“We aren’t,” you start off with a smile. “We’re just very close, that’s all. I am very much single.”

Jacob nods with a relieved smile on his face. “Alright, that’s good to know.”

Before you could process his words, he spoke. “C’mon, let’s meet with the others.”

Over the hours, you have been half-focused on the conversation going on between your friends from the publication. Your mind was still trying to wrap around the fact that Jacob would think that way—you cannot even believe he seemed relieved to hear you are single.

While most of your group sat in a circle on foldable chairs, some had to stay standing up. Despite being deep in thought, you were somewhat hyperaware every time Jacob was looking at you from where he stood. Never did you ever expect the 5th-year student to show some interest towards you.

That is why you never noticed someone grab your shoulder. You jump in your seat and take a look behind you to see Changmin with a concerned look on his face. “Hey, are you okay?” He whispers only for you to hear.

You nod and quickly get off your seat. “Hi, I’ll come back.” As soon as you bid farewell to the group, you grab Changmin’s arm and make your way to somewhere far from Jacob.

Once you two arrive at a relatively quiet corner of the backyard, you take a seat down by the porch. With a worried expression on his face, he takes a seat beside you and grabs the doll from you.

“What’s up?”

You place your hands on the bottom half of your face and take a deep breath. “You would not believe what Jacob said to me.”

“You’re scaring me,” he says, which only makes you laugh as you shake your head.

“No, it’s just funny! But also, so many thoughts are being thunk right now.”

“Okay, what?” He asks with furrowed eyebrows. Clearly, the suspense was starting to kill him.

You bite the inside of your cheek. “He just asked if I was single!” The way Changmin’s eyebrows shoot up is a sight you could only laugh at.

“Are you serious?” He asks, shocked by your news.

“I know!” You squeal as you smack his arm. “Well, he did ask if you and I were dating–”

“He asked WHAT?!” Your best friend shouts which attracts some looks.

You smack his arm and give an apologetic smile to those who looked over at you two. Once you look back at him, you could see the expression on his face—something you could describe as shock and disgust mixed together. With the way his eyebrows are furrowed as he moves slightly away, you could tell he was taken aback by what you revealed.

“Oh, yeah! It was so weird.” You shake your head before you take a peek at where your friends were (thankfully, Jacob was preoccupied with whatever conversation was going on). You look back at Changmin and say, “I remember even choking on my drink just because he asked. But anyway, that’s beside the point–”

“Why would he think that?”

You roll your eyes as your best friend continues to cut you off. “Honestly, I don’t really know. I mean, he explained but it didn’t make sense.” He looks you up and down with a frown on his face.

“Hey! It can’t be that bad to date me!” You exclaim as you smack his arm once more.

“I’m just thinking that it would be weird for us to date!”

You roll your eyes and say, “Obviously. It’s even weirder to think I had a crush on Sunwoo then.” Before Changmin could say more, you say, “Jacob just thought so with how close we are, but I made it perfectly clear that I am single. And here’s the kicker.”

Your best friend only signals you to continue with what you are saying. “He said he was glad to know that,” you finally say as you smack his arm, earning a groan from him.

“Can you stop smacking me?”

You ignore his request as you remember the events. “I’ve never had a crush actually show some type of interest towards me. It’s so surreal.” You let yourself lean back on your hands so that you could look up at the sky.

With your eyes looking up to the starry night, you smile as you let out a happy sigh. Despite being in your second year of college, you never really had that much experience with romance aside from occasional one-sided crushes (whether with you as the apple of someone’s eye or the idea of someone plaguing your mind). That is why when Jacob shares such words, you cannot help but feel so much warmth spread throughout your body.

“I’m glad, though.” You look at your best friend who has a small smile on his face. “I’m glad that what you have is going somewhere,” he says which only makes you grin.

It is during these moments that you remember how long you and Changmin have been friends. From achievements to heartbreaks, you both have been there for each other to witness it all. In the greatest and lowest moments, the two of you always found solace in each other.

Changmin looked at himself in the mirror—all dressed up in black (from blazer to trousers) with a pair of sunglasses and chains to accessorize his whole look. He took a deep breath as he spun around.

The day of the competition has finally come. The team spent many weeks practicing the same routine in hopes to secure that trophy. After all the late nights and injuries he had to endure, he could not believe that he was to participate in his final competition.

Since he figured out to walk all on his own, dance came to him naturally like breathing comes instinctively for all. His love for dance has only grown with him throughout the years. For Changmin, there was never a possible reality where he does not fall in love with dance. Yet, with graduation dawning, it seemed like he would have to entertain that idea whether he liked it or not.

With him being deep in thought, he does not hear you enter the room. “Woah!” He snaps out of his trance once you whistle while taking in his appearance. “You look good!”

He cannot hold his smile. “Thanks. I realized this is your first time seeing me in my outfit.” He makes his way back to his bed and takes a seat.

“Yeah! You never sent me the pictures,” you say with a pout. “But I’m kind of glad. I was shocked to see how nice you looked.”

“Are you saying I don’t look good all the time?”

You frown at your best friend. “Of course, you don’t, weirdo.” Changmin could only roll his eyes while you set your small sling bag beside him.

“Thank you for offering to do my makeup,” he says as you start to take out your small cosmetics bag full of essentials for his look.

“Don’t even worry about it. I mean, I have always wanted to do your makeup before.” You adjust the position of his floor lamp to make sure it was facing him. “Sunwoo cannot stay still when I put makeup on him.”

Changmin chuckles as he looks at you retrieve different tubes. “Thankfully, I have some extra concealer that should suit your skin tone,” you mutter as you squeeze out some product onto the back of your hand.

“Anyway, how are you?” You rest your right knee on the bed as your fingers start to do the work. “Are you still nervous?”

He hums for a moment. “I am, but I’m trying to focus on just leaving the competition on a good note.”

You nod as you cover up any dark spots and circles. “That’s good. How’s your thesis going so far?” As soon as you ask that, he groans.

“Don’t even remind me.”

You cannot help but giggle as you blend out the product. “Isn’t your thesis adviser Ms. Lee? I heard she’s good.” You look through your bag and reach out for your eyeshadow palette full of neutral colors and its proper brush.

“She’s great, really. It’s just that I may have underestimated the difficulty of my chosen topic.” He sighs as he watches you open up the palette. “I hope she knocked some sense into me.”

“Or, she just had faith in you,” you point out as you pick up some light brown eyeshadow with your brush. “You’re very smart, you know? I’m pretty sure she just wants you to get some recognition for your thesis.”

He only huffs as you carefully color his eyelids. Once you were done, you set the tools aside and grabbed an eyelash curler for him to use. As you hand the contraption to him, he frowns.

“Do you really trust me with that?”

“Yeah because I don’t know how to use it.”

“I think you’d be more scared if I was the one doing it on you,” you try to reason only for him to hand it back to you.

“Just do it.”

You groan and place the curler right on his eyelashes. “Don’t move, okay? I’m scared to rip your eyelashes out.”

“W-wait!” Changmin pushes your hand away with a frown on his face. “You can’t just say that. Now, I’m scared!”

You sigh as you rest your free hand on your hip and say, “Well, what do you want? I’m letting you do it.” He sighs for a moment before signaling you to continue. “Exactly.” You proceed with what you need to do.

“And… there!” You smile as you set the contraption aside. “That wasn’t too bad. Now, I need to do your mascara.”

You open the tube and take out the wand. “I need to sit down for this, okay?” As soon as you ask, he nods.

“Yeah, that’s no prob–wait!” He cuts himself off as you suddenly lift your other leg to rest on the bed as well.

Now, your knees were practically caging Changmin. As he takes a look down, he could see your legs pressing on the outer side of his thighs. For a moment, he cannot breathe.

This felt different. In this position, he felt his mind buzzing. Sure, he has always found himself linking arms with you or even snuggling up your side. But to see you straddling him only had him at your mercy.

Once you took a seat on his lap, he could feel himself getting dizzy. To feel your heat on his lap made him feel like he was back in high school—he could hear his heartbeat ring in his ears. There was barely any distance between you two as your face slowly got closer to his. Changmin could only hope you do not notice how red his ears are.

“Hey,” you whisper as you look into his eyes, taking a small peek down at his lips for a brief second. “Just relax, I don’t want to poke your eyes in the process.” He could feel your breath cast over his lips as you set your free hand on his shoulder.

First coat. His eyes were focused on your lips.

Second coat. You lick your lips as you focus on trying to not ruin your work.

Third coat. Changmin tries to swallow his anxiety down

Fourth coat. You let your eyes trail back down to his lips.

Fifth coat. He finds himself moving his face closer to yours, his eyes flickering down to your lips.

And something possesses him—his hands find themselves on your hips to hold you steady in place. Your breath hitches at the action, and you finally notice how close his face is to yours.

“Changmin,” you whisper his name so sweet. For him, it felt like he has never heard you say his name so gently.

“Say no and I won’t,” he finds himself saying as he lets himself finally look up into your eyes.

And before he could get a reply, he found his eyes opening to the white ceiling. Covered in sweat, he feels himself breathe heavily at his dream. There was no other way to say this—he was utterly fucked.

if you liked this, please take some time to like and reblog this!

#zzoguri feedbacks #please take this as a sign to comment and reblog and kudos!#it actually does make a difference and makes writers feel appreciated #people on ao3 are so sweet #genuinely cried when i saw this comment 🥹

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gluion · 1 year ago

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ALLY 😭😭😭 ALL UR FEEDBACK MAKES ME SMILE LIKE I LOVE THEM SO KUCH THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY!!! PLUS UR LIVE REACTIONS MADE ME GIGGLE i was getting ready to leave so i was reading them while doing my makeup </3

no because i just love the dynamic of this powerful reader and like more (lack of a better term) introverted sunwoo and how the dynamics change completely in the bedroom ❤️‍🩹 theres just so much desire and want that cannot be stopped u know

AND PLS THANK U 😭😭😭 writing it was such an experience (actually just me crying and flinging myself against the walls bc i had no clue what i was doing) so it really means alot that u liked it 🥹🥹 maybe i will write a part 2 if i find some confidence 🥰

surrender to me ➵ kim sunwoo

fuck buddy!kim sunwoo x reader

you despise everything about him—detached, shy, a blind follower. if anything, being in the same room as him infuriates you. so how did a leader like you end up in this mess with him?

genre/warnings ➵ fuck buddies au, smut, afab reader (they/them pronouns, gendered terms are used), porn with little plot, dom!sunwoo, condescending and cocky sunwoo in contrast to his supposed shy nature, fingering, nipple play, a lot of hickeys, dirty talk!!! so much begging, he whines ONCE, he is also obsessed with the taste of you, degradation (uses terms like bitch, calls you pathetic), he is demanding & likes to make fun of you, calls you "Ms. Leader" a lot, a bit of aftercare in the end, yeji does interrupt the fun

word count ➵ 4k words

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @blankjournal @winterchimez

a/n ➵ first time writing a oneshot that is less than 10k words and it has smut? and it's also my first time writing smut? and it's not my usual format of writing titles? be so for real moni. i don't even know if this counts as full-blown smut for you guys there is no p in v action. guys, this is truly the worst experience of my life. this writing experience has made me applaud smut writers because i feel like having to scream and laugh at myself. i didn't even fully read through this because i feel like i'm going to ram myself against the walls. anyway, thank you @haet-sal @snowflakewhispers @sungbeam and @cerescomets for the reassurance while i was writing! anyway, if people enjoy this, i can consider making this a series possibly! if you enjoyed this, always make sure to reblog (even if it's on your tbr </3)!

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

God, you hate yourself for many reasons. Many knew you as the overachiever in your classes, one who will find themselves setting goals that should be unattainable in all ways. The same people found you the leader type, one who is determined to take charge of everything and anything. But most people, if not all, think of you as the hard-headed one—someone who will never waver from the choices set.

It did not matter what others thought. You could care less what these people had to say; it does not matter if they threw around nouns they felt encapsulated the image you present in school. If anything, they were doing you a favor for you can hope that it would remain.

But god would you hate for anyone to see you like this—to see you out of the powerful persona you had carefully curated.

You should not be doing this—definitely not with him. If anything, you hate him for so many reasons. He is the detached one in your class, one who never raises his hand nor finds the right answers to say when asked. Everyone knows him as the blind follower, one who will follow instructions but never provide any input on how things can improve. But most of all, people knew him as the shy one—someone who will not refute or refuse.

He infuriates you for he is not like you. God, you hate being in the same group as him—let alone being in the same room as him.

So why did you find yourself with your limbs tangled with his, all locked up in your very own room?

“God,” Sunwoo whispers against your lips. “I thought you said the last time would be the last.” His plump lips nip on your bottom one as his fingers find themselves on your buttons, popping them undone one by one.

And it should have been. You should not be doing this with him. Yet, you always find yourself ringing his phone again, and again, and again. Did you not respect yourself?

“It should’ve been.” With the way you grunt while you attempt to unbutton his shirt, he cannot help but chuckle. It is humorous—you say one thing and the complete opposite happens.

His lips leave yours as soon as he successfully gets rid of your button-up shirt. Once they find themselves in the sweet spot on your neck, you cannot help but moan at the sensation. “You always come back for more,” he says in between sucks. “Just admit that you like doing this with me, Ms. Leader.” Sunwoo’s mouth moves to your chest, right above where your heart should be. “You like to finally have someone in control over you.”

You never wanted to agree to that assumption. If anything, you crave to be in control of everything. That is how you go on with life—taking everything in your own hands under the safety blanket that everything shall go your way. But when his fingers glide against every part of your body, traversing you as if you are something to be explored, you almost cannot help but feel all resolve crumble.

“Come on.” Sunwoo nips on your skin, coloring your chest with wet bruises. “I just want to hear you say it. It’s not like I’ll ever tell on you.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

He chuckles at your words. “Like I said, I would never.” As soon as his eyes meet yours, you almost cannot help but cower under his stare. “I would never let anyone know of what you allow me to do to you.”

You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him in for another kiss. With your hands tugging on the strands of his hair, he lets out a small moan at the feeling. His lips remain locked with yours as he attempts to undo the rest of the buttons on his shirt. Noses bump against each other from how messy this whole thing is—not the kiss but everything about you two. God, why on Earth are you doing this again?

As soon as his lips part from yours, you notice how swollen they are from how much he has kissed you. You can only wish yours were not like his. When his buttons are fully undone, he decides to keep it on just to tease. And even with the small amount of skin he revealed, your eyes will never stop devouring him—the smirk that is evident on his lips seems to show that he knows that.

“You know, I would never let anyone know about this behavior of yours, Ms. Leader,” he says as he pushes you down against your bed. When he straddles you, he lets himself take in the sight of you—wide eyes that look up to him with desire. He brings his face close to the right side of your face so that his lips hover over your ear. “I want this to be something you reserve just for me.”

As his breath fans over the side of your way, you close your eyes in an attempt to calm every emotion coursing through your body. His hands find their place on your torso, letting his fingers draw shapes on each side. And when his hands slowly move further down, you arch your back so that he has full access to your bra clasp. His fingers carefully play with your bra strap, slightly tugging it and letting go so that it smacks against your skin. You do not hiss at the contact but relish it.

“Not gonna talk your shit like you always do, Ms. Leader?” The condescending tone of his makes you want to rip him into pieces. “You always seem to do that everywhere—except here,” he chuckles as he finally grabs onto your clasp.

“S–shut up.” Your eyes wander away from the man who knew your body too well than you could ever understand it. And as soon as he undoes the clasp, you feel his hands move to your shoulders. His fingers slowly move the bra straps away. “God, you don’t need to take forever.” Your impatient tone has him chuckling and shaking his head.

“I think I can do whatever I want. Did you not surrender all control to me?” When you do not say anything, he grabs your chin to make sure you face him. Now that your eyes are back on him, you notice the smirk that so badly infuriates you to the core. “Answer me.” You only frown at his demand.

“If you don’t answer me, I’ll walk out that door.” His threat should have been your window to end this mess after all. But god, you hate yourself.

“N–no, don’t leave.” Your plea has his eyes flicker down to your lips which hold a pout.

“Then say it—say that you surrender everything to me.”

How can you even say such words? You respect yourself. But under his gaze, you cannot help but follow. “I surrender myself to you.” The phrase falls out of your mouth pathetically. Sunwoo snickers at how ashamed you are. God, even you knew that you said it miserably.

“You think I’ll fuck you just like that? Who do you think I am?”

He is the pathetic one in group works, one who will accomplish tasks and never question your authority. He is the shy type, someone who will never speak up against you. And he is useless in everything that concerns you—but not this time.

“Fuck,” you mutter as you try to rip away from his stare. But when he keeps his firm grip on your chin, you know there is no way to get what you want unless you abide. “I’m all yours. Control me—use me in any way you want.”

And his laugh is just the sickest one you have ever heard. “Don’t demand me—beg for it.” His tone is sinister-like, one that makes you shiver. If you could control him like how you do with everything, you would never be in this position. And yet, you always found yourself succumbing to his demands.

You huff out a puff of air. “Please,” you make sure to prolong the ‘e’ sounds. With your eyes staring directly back into his that are clouded with desire. “Use me.”

And somehow, those three words had his resolve crumbling.

He goes in for another kiss, letting go of your chin as his hands go back to your bra. As soon as Sunwoo successfully removes it from you, your arms wrap around his neck. His fingers graze around the area where you so desperately needed him to touch. With your rushed kisses (and your attempt to press your chest against his), he can tell how impatient you are growing. And the moment his thumb brushes against your nipple, the moan you let out is grueling—almost embarrassing.

You hate how he starts to smile in the middle of him tasting your lips. God, you knew he would only grow cocky with it. As he continues, you can feel your pussy start to form a pool—one you hate to admit is caused by him. You never want to give him the pleasure of relishing his power over you.

But when he readjusts his knee to find its spot in between your legs, your lower body cannot help but move on its own. Your attempt to rub yourself against his clothed thigh is just a pathetic attempt to receive the pleasure you desperately seek. And when he shifts his thigh farther away from the clothed spot between your legs, you let out a whine.

“Ms. Leader,” he giggles after he parts his lips away from yours. “You have to be patient.” His narrow eyes hold yours as he lets his mouth trail down your neck, to your chest, until he reaches the area that is only centimeters away from where you needed him. And when you watch the way his tongue peeks out of his mouth to flick against your nipple, your eyes close in pleasure.

The ministrations continue. He would switch to your other boob just to give it the same amount of attention, but he always made sure that both nubs were stimulated—whether through his sucks or his hands.

Your eyes slowly open in a haze and you attempt to look down at the man who suckled on your chest. And the sight alone is enough to kill you—eyes closed as he is focused on nothing but your pleasure. The air in your lungs is knocked out. God, how did you even hook up with someone like him?

Somehow, he feels your eyes on him. As soon as his eyes flutter open to hold your gaze, he continues. And somehow, the sight is even hotter than before—his lips wrapped around your nipple as he looks right back at you. You do not even find it within yourself to break eye contact.

As soon as his lips leave your boob, he shoots you a smirk. “My sweet Leader, don’t you think this is funny?” His hand trails down to your stomach until it settles on the band of your skirt. When you feel his fingers pry their way under, you notice how they hook on both your skirt and panty. But he never drags them down. “That despite the title you carry around, you definitely don’t hold it when you’re with me—not when we’re alone.” He lets the bands snap against your waist and you let out a hiss at the contact.

“I think I should call you something more fitting, don’t you think?” The question hangs in the air. His hand trails down your skirt until it lands on the hem of it that rests on your lower thigh. “What about…” his fingers slowly slip under your skirt. “My baby?” He tilts his head to the side.

When he is met with silence, he chuckles. “How about my toy? Or what about…” his hands grip your thigh. “My bitch.” And you do not think twice when you let out a mewl. The satisfaction that paints his face is condescending—god, you hate him for it.

“Ms. Leader, I didn’t expect you for the degradation type.” He smiles as he brings his face back up to yours. His hands move up even further until it rests on the inside of your thigh. “But to be fair, I didn’t expect a lot of things from you.” It almost sounds like a diss on your skills in what you do, but you both knew that is not the case. “Just like how I didn’t expect to have you at my mercy that first night.”

When you feel him tug your underwear to the side, you feel the breath in your lungs get knocked out. And when you feel his fingers finally dip themselves in the part where you needed him since you first rang him up, you let out a whine. The way his eyes get wider is only a sign that he did not expect you to be as wet as you are. But his smile still remains as cocky as ever.

“You’re this wet?” He laughs in what sounds like disbelief. “I never knew how much of an effect I had on you.” He gives you another kiss as he lets his fingers leave your sopping cunt.

As you whine at the absence, he cannot help but smile. “Don’t worry, I’m not that mean.” And with a smile, he brings his fingers in the space between you two. The smell of your arousal is intoxicating for him but shameful for you—it is only proof that you are almost nothing without him.

But when you see his eyes look right into you as he shoves them in his mouth, you almost pass out. The sight of him with squinted eyes as he relishes the taste of you is addictive, but the whine that leaves him is everything.

“Oh god,” you whisper as you watch him lick his two fingers one by one. “You need to whine for me more.” The star-struck look on your face makes him smile. It is one he has never seen—he almost cannot believe he caused it.

As soon as his lips hover over your ear, he whispers, “I’ll whine for you if there’ll be a next time.” When he moves his head back to see your expression, it is one filled with anguish.

You do not want another next time—this cannot keep happening. But when you feel his hands finally tug both your skirt and panties down, all reasonable thoughts leave your mind. “Don’t think too much about what we have, Ms. Leader.” He presses his lips against your neck.

“Sunwoo, we can’t keep doing this,” you mutter as you feel your eyes shut close.

As soon as his hand rests on your exposed slit, he raises you a question, “Why not? I think we’re made for each other.” While he continues to suck on your skin, you can feel yourself pant. “I think that you need me more than I’ll ever need you.”

Before you know it, his fingers make their way into your pussy. And god, the moan you let out is confirmation to Sunwoo—you truly did need him in every way possible. “Ms. Leader, you say that you don’t want this, but the way you react to how I touch you proves otherwise.” He continues to plunge his fingers into you at a rate that provides you with just the right enough stimulation to keep you on the edge.

“How do you expect me to answer when your fingers are fucking me like this?” You manage to say in between breaths. “Do you think you could say no if I put my hands in your pants?” Your condescendingness only makes him laugh.

“I would never stop doing this with you.” His lips leave your neck before moving back to look at you whose eyes are on the verge of closing. “Plus, I would not be so cocky if I were you. I could leave you high and dry.” And when he notices the way you pout and whine at the idea, he chuckles. “But I wouldn’t do that to you.”

His fingers continues to assault your pussy—the rate they were going even faster. And he notices the way your breathing gets heavier. When you finally let your eyes shut close to focus on the pleasure, you let out a string of moans—ones he will only have the pleasure of hearing.

“Ms. Leader, look at how you crumble for me.” His lips find their place on yours. With the way he tugs on your lips as he fingers you unlike anyone else, you mewl in the middle of the kiss. His lips leave yours. “Just admit that you want me.”

When you shake your head with eyes still closed, he chuckles. And somehow, his fingers go at an even faster rate. God, you could feel the coil get tighter. “Oh fuck,” you whine. “Don’t stop.”

And he listens to you—he continues going at that rate. When you feel yourself on the edge, you try to move your hand to reach down for your clit. But he holds your arm in place. “Say you want me.”

Your eyes flutter open as you whine. “S–sunwoo, please. I’m so close, just let me cum.”

“And I’ll let you cum if you say you want me—that this will not be the last time.” His demanding gaze makes your brain go fuzzy. “Just one simple phrase and I’ll give you what you want.”

You wish you still had some rational thoughts in your head. But god, did you need to cum. “A–are you fucking kidding me?”

“I’m serious, Ms. Leader.” His tone sounds even more demanding than how you usually speak. “Don’t you want to cum?” And god, you want to.

His fingers don’t stop, but you still need that stimulation on the nub. Without a thought, you say, “Fuck it, I need you.” Your eyes flutter open and you attempt to move his hand down to rest on your boob. “God, Sunwoo, I need you. Please just let me cum.”

“Say this won’t be the last time.”

“Fuck, it won’t be the last time—I swear. Sunwoo, please I need to cum.” The way you beg makes Sunwoo lose all sense of self-control. And with that, his fingers played with your nipples while he continued to finger you. The combined sensations have your face contorted into pleasure.

And as soon as his thumb finds itself rubbing against your clit, the coil in your stomach gets tighter. “Oh god, Sunwoo.” The way you mewl out his name almost has him breaking right in front of you.

“God, you are so pathetic.” He chuckles as he moves his mouth back down to your neck. “I can’t believe everyone thinks you’re a leader—you do nothing but follow and beg.” Your pants are heavier. “You fucking need someone to surrender to—me.” The way he sucks on your neck, plays with your boobs, and assaults your pussy is like no other—the feeling cannot beat any achievement you have ever received.

And you feel yourself about to tip over the edge. With the way your walls tighten over his digits, you both knew you were about to cum. Your eyes flutter open as you look at the man whose eyes are zeroed in on your face. “S–sunwoo, I’m—”

“Cum for me.” He repeats that chant as he watches your face contort into different expressions. The pressure in your pussy is getting tighter. “Cum for me, you fucking bitch.” And just like that, the coil in you broke. As you were orgasming, he continued to finger you—letting you it ride out until you started to reach overstimulation territories

When he hears you whine as you attempt to push his hand away, he listens. Your breathing is heavy. And when you get a whiff of your arousal, your eyes flutter open, only to see that his fingers glisten with your release. When your eyes dart toward Sunwoo’s face, you notice his satisfied expression as he moves his three fingers apart to see the strings of your arousal.

“God, you’re so hot,” he says before popping them into his mouth. This time he does not whine, but his expression will always show how much he enjoys the taste of you.

Once his digits leave his mouth, your hands reach out toward the collar of his shirt. But before you can remove the top off of him, you hear your ringtone blast out. “Fuck.” You do not miss the way his expression switches into disappointment. “I’m sorry, I need to take this.” You do not hear him out as you fling your arm to your bedside table to grab your phone.

You answer the call without looking at the contact. “Hello?”

“Oh, sorry! Is now not a good time?” You hear Yeji’s voice on the other line. As you lock eyes with the man who is starting to button up his shirt, you let out a sigh.

“No, it’s fine. What’s up?”

Yeji lets out a sigh of relief. “We need some hands in fixing the welcoming banners for the exchange students.”

“What happened to the welcoming committee? Didn’t I leave Jisung in charge of that?” You frown as Sunwoo makes his way to your washroom. But when he quickly comes out with a wet towel, you cannot help but smile.

“Unfortunately for us, he is MIA,” she sighs. “That’s what we get for trusting a man to handle this.” The revelation should have made you mad, but when Sunwoo crouches in front of you to wipe off the mess between your legs, you feel yourself melt.

The moment you hiss at the sudden contact of the towel against your sensitive pussy, his eyes snap up toward you in worry. “Y/N? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine!” You quickly exclaim. “I’ll be there in 30. Just make sure to get as much done, I’ll leave you in charge for the time being.”

“Got it.” And with that, you hung up on her.

“Sorry, I forgot that you’re still sensitive,” he says as he lightly wipes off the remnants of cum.

You shake your head and say, “It’s okay.”

It is silent for a bit. You two usually do not know what to say during these times. As soon as he finishes cleaning you up, you take this as an opportunity to get off the bed and get some fresh clothes from your closet.

“I’m sorry for cutting this short,” you start off as you wear your underwear. “I would’ve told Yeji that I’m busy but they need me on campus to help out.” When you successfully wear your bra, you look at the man who came from the bathroom after washing up the towel.

“It’s fine, Ms. Leader is needed everywhere they go.” There he goes again calling you that.

You roll your eyes as you quickly grab some jeans. “I hate when you call me that.”

“But it’s what everyone calls you.”

A scoff leaves your mouth as you pop the button of your jeans close. “Yeah, but it’s annoying.” The moment you grab onto a clean graphic tee, you quickly put it over yourself. Your eyes land back on Sunwoo who only smirks. “What?”

“You’re going out like that?”

You find yourself frowning before asking, “What’s wrong?”

“I just didn’t know you wanted to present your hickeys to everyone on campus.” The moment he says that has your eyes widening in shock.

You quickly make your way to a mirror to see that your neck is littered with hickeys left by the man who now stands behind you. “Fuck.” As soon as you lock eyes with Sunwoo, you notice the satisfied expression on his face. “Hey, now is not the time to be proud of your work. I can’t go around like this!”

Once you spin around to face him, he only shrugs. “You’ll figure it out.” He grabs onto your arm and pulls you close to him. The moment his lips hover over your ear, he whispers, “I’ll see you for the next one.”

Before you could retort, his lips move to give you a peck on the cheek. You and Sunwoo were never the type to do such actions outside of sex. So when he moves away and sees your expression, he cannot help but chuckle. “Good luck, Ms. Leader.”

And just like that, he made his way out of your room. God, you should have broken this off.

if you enjoyed this, please reblog!

#zzoguri feedbacks #ally ❄️#i love u always

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gluion · 1 year ago

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HI AGAIN thank you so much for ur kind words :’) this fic is definitely not perfect if im gonna be honest (esp since it was my first one) but thank you so much for loving this <33 esp with reader’s character <33

[part one] of boundaries and secret glances (i'm lucky to be loved by you) ➵ kim sunwoo

idol!kim sunwoo x ex-idol!reader

as a well-respected independent producer in the industry, you get requests from different companies for collaborations. when you accept to work on chanhee and sunwoo's unit track for their upcoming album, you are left to your own devices as you work closely with sunwoo. who is to say what can happen over the days?

genre/warnings ➵ strangers to friends to lovers (though sunwoo has always had a crush on you since your debut), music and lyrics au, fluff, angst with happy ending, afab reader (they/them pronouns), drinking, kpop mistreatment, mental and physical abuse done by companies, close proximity, sunwoo is a FLIRT!!! and also obsessed with you, LOONA IS FREE HERE!!!, iz*one sadly does not exist </3, boundaries are definitely crossed in the sense that you should not be flirting this much with a co-worker turned friend...

word count ➵ 15.7k words (30.3k words in total)

parts ➵ [1] [2]

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet

a/n ➵ this work has been in the making for a year or two. oftentimes, i find it hard to finish works or put them out since i find myself getting scared of how my works will be received. after reading this for how many times and adding final revisions, i am happy that i get to share this baby to the world! this fic is because of how much i love the movie "music and lyrics" and how i kind of fantasized myself and sunwoo in a similar context. thank you again for taking the time to read this. please note that idols shown or talked about in this fic are not meant to reflect my real thoughts on them. i love all the idols here in this fic (especially jiyoon) i would really appreciate it if you could take the time to like and reblog this.

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

1CON: Where Are They Now? By Lee Hyejin of Soompi

It has been two years since South Korea's beloved group disbanded. Formed back in 2017 through Produce 101, 1CON has swept the hearts of many from pre-debut until disbandment. Yesterday, the members posted pictures on their SNS accounts that show their little reunion. This then sparked “1CON REUNION” to trend on Twitter.

To this day, many fans hope to see a reunion concert take place to see the members come together once again. As the public waits, we wonder where the members have gone off to.

The beloved center Shin Ryujin (Rank 1) and well-known dancer Lee Chaeryeong (Rank 9) of JYP Entertainment are part of the newest girl group ITZY whose unique sound has found its way to capture the hearts of many. As the group continues to conquer the K-Pop scene with their talents, they have become the pride and joy of JYP Entertainment.

Power vocalist Jo Yuri (Rank 2) parted ways with Off The Record Entertainment and worked on her solo debut under WAKEONE with the track “GLASSY.” With the number of music show wins gained, Jo will be one of the 4th Gen's well-known vocalists.

Captivating dancer Jeon Heejin (Rank 3) and charismatic vocalist Kim “Chuu” Jiwoo (Rank 5) made their debut back in 2020 with LOONA under Blockberry Creative. However, the members of the group have ended their contracts with the company because of the mistreatment they received.

Now, Jeon is a member of ARTMS with some of the former members of LOONA—Kim “Kim Lip” Jungeun, Jeong “Jinsoul” Jinsol, and Choi “Choerry” Yerim—under Modhaus. Chuu chose to pursue her solo endeavors under ATRP.

One of K-Pop's best 4th Gen vocalists, Kim Minjeong (Rank 4) of SM Entertainment, is rumored to make her debut in a girl group later in the year. While we can say not much at the moment, SM Entertainment has got everyone excited for their upcoming debut.

Jack of all trades, Shin Jiyoon (Rank 6) of Play M Entertainment, debuted back in 2020 with the group Weeekly. The group's upbeat and catchy music is produced by Shin herself. As Weeekly brings back cute concepts to the K-Pop scene, many people expect that “girl crush” will not be the norm.

Formerly under JYP Entertainment, well-known producer Y/N (Rank 7) is not signed with any company. As they work on their own terms and team, they have been releasing music on different platforms with full artistic freedom. Despite having no company, countless entertainment companies continuously contact them. They have worked with IU, Red Velvet, BIBI, Jamie Park, Pentagon, and more.

Lovable and powerful rapper Choi Yena (Rank 8) of Yuehua Entertainment recently made her debut with “SMILEY (Feat. BIBI)” whose catchy tune has trended all over Twitter. Many fans have commented that the concept is fitting for her debut. As she continues with her promotions, many fans wait to see her thrive in her solo career.

Along with that, opera-trained singer Huh Yunjin (Rank 10) of HYBE Entertainment is rumored to debut in the upcoming girl group with Produce 101 participants Kim Chaewon and Miyawaki Sakura. However, Huh has been actively posting original music and covers on different streaming platforms. As she continues to keep fans impressed with her talents, many people anticipate the debut of HYBE’s newest girl group.

Memorable vocalist Song Yuqi (Rank 11) of Cube Entertainment is part of (G)I-DLE who continues to release comebacks that showcase the uniqueness of the members. With tracks that will have you dancing and singing along, (G)I-DLE continues to showcase a different side to 4th Gen girl groups.

There have only been speculations and rumors surrounding a reunion concert for 1CON. All that can be said for now is that the members are in close contact with each other and working hard to continue dominating the K-Pop industry in their own ways.

“Y/N, you’ve got emails from H1ghr Music, AOMG, and THE L1VE. What would you like me to do with the other emails you’ve received from other companies?” Park Soeun, your manager, asks as she barges into your home office with her eyes trained on her iPad.

As she looks up, she takes in the sight; messy papers laid out on the table; knickknacks and souvenirs from 1CON members scattered all over the floor; you in your most devilish state whose hair is all over the place with clothes from yesterday.

“God, Y/N. What in the world happened here?” Soeun asks as she picks up all the gifts from your ex-peers.

“It’s been so long since the girls and I got together, so we got kinda crazy last night.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t explain the mess in your office. Jesus… Y/N, I never knew your office could get even messier and more… disorganized,” She continues as she settles on placing all the gifts from 1CON on an empty shelf. “I didn’t even know you would end up going to that reunion.”

You sigh as you continue to click away on your computer, ignoring her last comment.

“Drunk me decided they wanted to work despite being intoxicated,” You mention as you continue to loop a specific segment in the instrumental you’ve been working on all night.

“You haven’t slept?!” She exclaims, attempting to gather and pile up the papers scattered all over your desk. When you let out a hum, she sighs as you continue to immerse yourself in your work.

“Y/N, I think we need to talk.”

“About?”

“This.” As you finally look away from your monitor, you see Soeun with her arms crossed as she hugs her iPad.

“Oh god, don’t tell me what I think it is.”

“I’m serious. We need to talk about what’s going to happen to us,” Soeun demands as she finally takes a seat in front of you. Before you could protest, she continued.

“Y/N, you’ve been doing this for a year, and I’ve stuck with you the whole time. From pre-debut, disbandment, and even until deciding to leave JYP, I stayed with you because I wanted to support you.”

Ultimately, you knew it was hard for Soeun to leave her job at JYP Entertainment to support you. Giving up her stable job to follow you has become one of your biggest burdens to carry to this day.

As she sees the frown on your face, she continues. “I didn’t leave because of an impulse decision. In fact, I left because I knew that working at JYP isn’t what I want at the end of everything. Y/N, I don’t know if you know this but you don’t give yourself enough credit for all the things you’ve gone through and accomplished.”

“I think that’s an overstatement. I don’t think I’ve–”

“You have accomplished a lot of things. You debuted with 1CON, made the difficult decision of leaving a well-known company to pursue your dreams with full creative freedom, and produced music for artists that continue to dominate the charts.”

Silence settles between you two as you try to take in her words. You love the compliments and praise you receive, but sometimes you feel it is never enough. This leads you to overexert yourself; the need to constantly achieve as if it is your only purpose in life.

“You need to give yourself more credit, which also means recognizing that you deserve more.” You knew where this conversation was going, and you didn’t want to hear her continue.

“Soeun, please don’t–”

“I’m sorry Y/N, but you need to at least hear me out. I really think you need to sign with a company.”

With that, you close your eyes as you take in her words. It hurts enough to see people on the Internet constantly discuss the success you could have gained if you were signed with a company, but it pains you physically to hear the same words from someone who knew you inside and out.

“I know your experiences with JYP and Stone Music Entertainment are some that you wish to forget, and I will never forget nor can I ever excuse the amount of mistreatment you faced under those two. However, I do think you can find yourself signed with another company, possibly a better one that knows how to treat you right,” Soeun says.

You finally open your eyes and nod, giving her the signal that she could continue. “It’s hard for both you and me to keep up with the demand. Although we have Taeyeon to help with styling and Sungyoon for photos and music videos, we only have such little manpower to keep up. You could be earning more, maybe relaxing more if you get signed with a company.”

With that, you let out a sigh. “Where is this coming from? Is it because of the number of emails I’ve left unanswered?”

Soeun shakes her head and says, “It’s not really that. Of course, I’ve had to deal with this when I still worked in JYP, but it isn’t the main reason I’m having this talk with you.”

“I’m going to be putting in my two-week notice.” You knew this day would come; she is resigning.

“I applied for jobs at different companies and I got an email back.”

“Congrats Soeun, you deserve it,” You say with a half-hearted smile.

You mean it, but it hurt to know that Soeun would not be with you as you continue your journey. She became a permanent presence in your life, and you could never imagine life without her in it.

Before you could allow yourself to be vulnerable, you decided to ask, “So, which company? I’m excited to hear who’s lucky to have Kim Soeun.” She lets out a laugh.

“I got signed with Cre.ker Entertainment. They had an opening for another managerial position,” She says as you nod.

“That’s the company of The Boyz, right?” She lets out an ‘mhm’ as you continue to nod once again.

“Y/N, you do have an email from that company, if you haven’t realized,” Soeun points out.

As you decide to finally open your email, several unread and unanswered emails greet you. Typing the word “Cre.ker,” you find the email Soeun mentioned. Two weeks ago, you received an email from them to which you have not gotten around to replying or reading.

— — —

FROM: Cre.ker Entertainment <[email protected]>

TO: Y/N <y/[email protected]>

SUBJECT: THE BOYZ’s SUB-UNIT “NEWSUN” TRACK

Good day, Y/N!

Cre.ker Entertainment is reaching out to you in hopes you will accept our request to produce a track for The Boyz’s upcoming album.

The sub-unit “NEWSUN” (which comprises New and Sunwoo) has requested that you produce their track on the upcoming album. If you wish to accept the offer, please let us know no later than two weeks.

We look forward to hearing from you and working with you.

— — —

“Huh, this is funny. I only have until today to reply,” You mention which Soeun chuckles at.

“I mentioned that you got an email from them about a week ago. You said you would get back to them, but clearly, you haven’t.”

“Yeah well, I shouldn’t be trusted with emails,” You reply to which she rolls her eyes. “Figures.”

“Anyway, going back to what we were discussing. You deserve more—a lot more, actually.” She grabs your hand. “I am not saying that I invalidate your experiences nor can I say that this type of mistreatment is not a general thing found with K-Pop companies, but I believe you can sign with a company that will understand what you want.” You think over what she says but never give a reply.

“I just want you to know that I appreciate working and supporting you for… god knows how long. I’ll be sending my formal resignation to your email. Please read it,” She begs which has you laughing.

“Yeah yeah, I will.” She smiles and stands up from her seat.

“Y/N, think over what I said.” She sucks in a breath. “You deserve more, and I want you to be secured in your career as you continue your journey in the industry. I’m not saying you should audition for Cre.ker Entertainment, but I’m saying to look into companies you’re interested to be under. I’ll just be in the room beside you.”

As she leaves your office, you are left with your thoughts and nothing more. In these moments, you miss being with 1CON the most.

It is 4:07 AM, and you are still seated in your home office. In fact, it’s your only office as you cannot afford to rent a separate place for work. You have finally finished the track for Jung Wheein’s album and sent it over to THE L1VE through email.

As you think back to Soeun’s words, you decide to open up the email from Cre.ker Entertainment. Reading it once more, you decide to search for The Boyz on YouTube. You know of them and some of their tracks, but you decided that was not enough.

Searching up the words “NEW & SUNWOO” on YouTube, you find a video of theirs that covers “Nerdy Love,” a song you adore from an artist you highly respect. You decide to click the video and watch what the two boys had to offer.

Despite thinking you did not know enough, you knew who was who thanks to Jiwoo, your ex-peer. She is friends with New (or Chanhee) as they would be special MCs for music shows. After all the time they spent joking around behind the scenes, Jiwoo adores him and thinks of him as one of her closest friends now.

You remember how she described him to you two days ago. “Chanhee is the nicest guy I’ve ever met, and I trust him with almost everything. I hope you get to meet him one day! He’s a huge fan of your work,” She told you at the 1CON reunion two days ago.

However, you have no idea who Sunwoo is. All you know is that Heejin is sort of friends with him but they do not spend a lot of time with each other due to schedule conflicts. The most they ever interact with each other is whenever they play video games with other people their age. If you could recall, all Heejin had to say was that he was nice, and that is as much as you can remember.

Yet, you could not deny that you found him pleasing to look at. Maybe it is his hair, smile, or even the aura he gives off, but your eyes found themselves focusing on him. In the way he performs, you can see how much he enjoys performing.

Throughout your time in the industry, you have seen many artists work in their craft. Many idols share the unfortunate fate of working with peers they despise while others are not given the liberty to work on the tracks they put out. However, only some can say they enjoy what they do—only some can confidently say they love what they do. Sunwoo and Chanhee look like they fit in the latter.

Seeing the two boys vibe and perform one of your favorite songs was such a delight. In fact, you ended up looping the video as you continued to enjoy their cover. You also did not want to admit to having it just play in the background as you continued to finally go through your emails. Knowing Soeun, she would be happy to hear that you finally replied to the many companies reaching out to you.

Despite knowing what to say to which company, there is one company you did not know how to respond to. As you see the same email you read a while ago from Cre.ker Entertainment, you let out a sigh. The more you thought about it, the more you realized it could possibly help out Soeun get used to Cre.ker Entertainment.

As someone who does not want to let her go, you should have denied the company stealing her away from you. If anything, you felt as if you needed to resent Cre.ker Entertainment. Yet, you knew that Soeun resigning did not mean she would be gone forever. After everything, she is your best friend who stuck with you through thick and thin. You only want what is best for her—that is what makes her happy.

With that, you knew your answer.

“God if I knew Play M Entertainment and Cre.ker Entertainment were going to merge to form IST, I would have said no,” You say as you look up at the building in front of you.

“Sorry Y/N, I thought you knew! I think you should at least hear them out and if you can’t do it, you can just–”

“No, it’s fine. I can do this. I mean, it’s not like I will see her, you know?” You say as you take a deep breath.

With that, you enter the building with Soeun. As she walks to the front desk to talk to the woman about your appointment, you decide to take in your surroundings. The building is just like any other company; it reminds you of your trainee days. Despite being inside different company buildings to produce for artists, you can never stop being reminded of what happened to you then.

Before you could think about it anymore, Soeun loops her arm with yours. “C’mon, let’s go,” She says with a smile.

She always knew how to take care of you. With that, you two walk together to the elevator and try to make your way to the meeting room.

“I know you’re nervous about bumping into–”

“Please don’t say her name! What if someone catches on?” You exclaim which she nods at.

“Yeah, you’re right. Please don’t think about it too much because I don’t want you to be stressed about that and this meeting.”

“I’ll try. God, why did they have to merge?” You practically ask the universe as you and Soeun stand right in front of a door.

“No time to complain, you’ve got this. I hope you know I’m proud of you for still pushing through with this.”

“Soeun, you only told me that they merged when we were in the car. I almost grabbed that steering wheel.”

“Either way, just hear them out. I heard from my friends that Chanhee and Sunwoo are big fans of your work.”

With that, you sigh. “Fine. Just know I took this job because I wanted to see where you work.”

“I also know you did it because you wanted me to adjust already. I hope you know that I love you,” She says with a smile.

She then opens the door to see The Boyz’s manager, Sunwoo, and Chanhee seated. The three stand up from their seats to greet and bow at the two of you.

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you all! I’m Soeun, Y/N’s manager, and I’ll be here to assist,” Soeun says as you two enter, bowing at the three. Once you and Soeun take a seat, you notice that you are seated right in front of Sunwoo.

Seeing him in the video was hard but seeing him right in front of you was even harder. As soon as he flashed a smile, you immediately looked away and hoped you were not red. If Soeun found out you were reacting this way about someone, she would never let you live it down (which is why you hope she would never notice).

“Hello, I’m Jihoon. Before anything, I think I should let them introduce themselves. They’ve been waiting for this moment to finally meet you,” Their manager says, which has both Chanhee and Sunwoo flustered.

“Ah, you didn’t have to mention that! But hello, I’m Chanhee! It’s nice to finally meet you. Jiwoo mentioned that she talked to you about me,” Chanhee greets you with a bow to which you smile.

“And I’m Sunwoo. Both Chanhee and I really enjoy your work, and we look forward to working with you,” Sunwoo follows right after with a bow.

“Ah, thank you so much. I look forward to working with you as well,” You manage to say without your voice cracking. You were flustered, and you were pretty sure it was showing with how red your cheeks were. God, you knew Soeun was going to make fun of you later.

“Alright, I guess we can start.”

The meeting was a success. Soeun handled most of it but you managed to chime in every now and then and understand what they needed from you.

“What was it with you a while ago?” Soeun asked when you two finally reached your place.

“What do you mean?”

“Y/N, I know how you act when you find someone attractive. Is it Sunwoo? I won’t judge you.” You choose not to answer her as you go to the kitchen. “So it is!”

“I didn’t even answer!” You exclaim as you look through the fridge.

“I get it though, he is very attractive.”

“Soeun, you’re so annoying. Please stop,” You whine as you decide to grab some water.

“Well, good luck to you! You have to meet with them two days from now. You have only a week from your first meeting with him to submit the final track. Yes, final track, okay? Please remember that,” Soeun says as she notes it on her iPad.

“God, I don’t know why I agreed. That’s barely enough time to produce something satisfactory, let alone a good final track.” Soeun pats your shoulder as she continues to look down at her iPad.

“Don’t forget, you were the one who said yes when I tried to negotiate.” You let out a groan and take a seat.

“I mean if you said yes because you wanted to spend more time with Sunwoo–”

“Please stop. I don’t want to cross any boundaries of our strictly work relationship” You practically beg, to which she laughs.

“You’ve got this! Let me know if you need me to negotiate with Jihoon again. Just keep me updated on whatever ends up happening between you two,” She says with a smile as she walks away.

“Soeun, nothing is going to happen!” You exclaim which only makes her let out another laugh.

“You never know!”

It has been two days since that meeting, and you regret agreeing to the set deadline. It feels as if you have not gotten any wink of sleep in the last 48 hours as the stress and anxiety got to you. As you entered the building with a cup of coffee in your hand, you informed the woman at the front desk that you were expected to attend another meeting with Sunwoo and Chanhee.

“Please make yourself comfortable and wait here. I’ll just ring up their manager–”

“They’re with me!” You hear someone shout from behind you. As you turn to look, you see Sunwoo walking towards you and greeting you with a bow which you return.

“It’s nice to see you again,” He says, making you smile.

“I’ll bring them up, just inform hyung.” Sunwoo signals you to follow him as he makes his way to the elevator.

“So, how are you? I’m guessing you managed to think of something within the two days?” He asks as you two wait for the elevator to arrive.

You laugh as you shake your head. “I wish.”

“Did you get any sleep?” You shake your head in response which he laughs at.

“Well, if you pass out, I’ll be there to cover for you,” He says only for you to get shy.

“Oh god, you don’t–”

“I was just kidding Y/N, sorry if it wasn’t obvious.” The elevator doors finally open and you both get in.

“Oh, that’s my bad,” You say as you let out a nervous laugh.

“Hey, it’s no problem.”

The elevator doors finally close and you two go up. As silence engulfs you two, you somehow think it is your fault.

“I, uhm, tend to be very shy around new people. I’m not usually like this,” You say to break the silence.

He looks at you with a smile and nods. “No worries, Chanhee and Heejin said the same.”

You were surprised to find out that he’s talked about you to others. As you continued to look straightforward, you would only hope that Heejin or Jiwoo did not mention anything embarrassing to the two.

“I never got to ask, but how are you?” You decided to finally ask him.

“Oh, well it’s been alright?” He says in an unsure manner which has you raising an eyebrow at him.

“Well, the guys and I have been practicing the choreography for our comeback, and I’ve been kind of nervous about how Chanhee and I’s track is going to turn out. Not that I’m trying to say I don’t trust you, but I am nervous about how well I’m going to execute your vision,” He admits.

“If it helps, I think whatever you do will perfectly execute what I see.” You smile at him to which he smiles back.

“Oh, so you trust me that much? How much have you seen my performances to say that?” He asks as he faces you and leans against the wall, a smug look on his face. Something about how he keeps the conversation going makes you less shy than before.

“Well, I had to do my research,” You admit with a smirk.

“Oh, the famous Y/N has done their research on me? What do you know about me?” He asks to which you decide to face him as well. “That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

He chuckles as soon as the elevator doors open. “Well don’t think I didn’t research you,” He says and walks out with you following.

You two eventually arrive at one of the recording studios with no Chanhee to be found.

“Oh, where’s Chanhee?” You ask as you look around the recording studio.

“Oh, I forgot to mention that Chanhee wouldn’t be sitting in for a lot of the production process because he has a bunch of other schedules to attend to. I hope you don’t mind spending this time with me,” Sunwoo says with a smile as he takes a seat on the couch.

“Oh, I see,” You say as you stay rooted in place.

“If you’re uncomfor–”

“No no, it’s okay. As I said, I’m just shy,” You cut him off and muster the biggest and most awkward smile.

Before you could apologize for your behavior, Sunwoo lets out a giggle. “Y/N, I get it, but you don’t have to be awkward around me.”

His words of reassurance allow you to breathe just for a little. There is something about Sunwoo that makes you both nervous yet comfortable. You did not know how, but that only made you want to know more about him.

You decide to take a seat on the office chair in front of the mixing console and spin it to face Sunwoo. “Alright, I think we should go through what you and Chanhee want from the track. I know Jihoon discussed it in the meeting but I would like to hear it from you,” You say as you set down your cup of coffee on the coffee table.

“Well, Chanhee and I really want an R&B track for this album. Think of, I don’t know, “Nerdy Love” if you know that track,” Sunwoo explains which makes you smile.

“Yeah, I do know that. It’s one of my favorites.” And with that, Sunwoo smirks.

“I’m guessing you’ve listened to our cover if you did research on us.”

You choose to not answer and grab your notebook and pen as you try to suppress a smile. “Ah, not answering means ‘yes’, by the way.”

“No, it doesn’t!” You scoff.

“It’s just a simple question, Y/N. Why won’t you answer it?” The stupid smile on his face has your heart doing little flips.

“There would be no fun in just answering. You’ll find out soon enough,” You say as you open your notebook to a clean page only for him to chuckle.

“Can you expound a bit more on what the main message of the song is?” You inquire as you write down some points.

“It’s a love song.” That has you scrunching your nose which Sunwoo notices.

“Hey, what’s the problem with that?!” He exclaims which makes you laugh.

“There’s no problem.”

“That expression you made a while ago didn’t say that.”

“Just don’t pay attention to my facial expressions! I won’t react, just continue,” You say as you look up from the notebook.

“It’s hard to not look at you,” He says as he tilts his head to the side with that stupid smile you have grown to both love and hate within that small period of time. You were flustered, and you did not know how to respond.

“Yeah, it’s a love song with a twist,” Sunwoo says as he tries to get back on topic (to which you are thankful for). “Picture this, Y/N.”

“I’m listening.”

“No no, close your eyes.” He urges you to do so in which you furrow your eyebrows. “What the fuck, I am not doing that.”

“Oh come on! It’ll immerse you in what Chanhee and I envisioned.”

“Sunwoo, I think you can explain it and I’ll follow through with what you’re saying.”

Sunwoo pouts at your answer as he crosses his arms. “I wouldn’t want to inform Heejin but…”

“Is that a threat?” You gasp when he simply looks around the room.

With that, you sigh and close your eyes. “Go on, I won’t keep my eyes closed forever,” You say and you hear him clap.

“Alright! Imagine this; you’ve known someone for a while, okay? And let’s say this person is someone you’ve been flirting with. You know, the push and pull, playful flirting, all the things you would do for something that started off as casual. Are you imagining it?”

“Yes Sunwoo, I am,” You sigh, which he laughs at.

“Okay. With time, you start to realize that you might actually like this person.”

“Woah, shocker.”

“C’mon Y/N, let me finish!” You laugh and decide to shut up. “Go on.”

“So, you’re on the brink of falling for them but you don’t want to admit anything. But plot twist: they seem to also be falling for you! And there comes a night where the two of you are chilling, but you two don’t want to drink for the reason that you two might confess under the influence.” As you listened to him, you got to envision what he was saying.

“You know, being with someone you like surrounded by alcohol is a dangerous combination,” You say as you finally open your eyes.

“Exactly! It’s the risk that makes it all scary because you don’t want to come off as ingenuine,” He continues to explain which has you nodding along and taking notes.

“Hm, I get it now. I dig it.” That has Sunwoo standing up from the couch with his arms spread out.

“I told you so! Chanhee and I know what are good love songs, not saying I hate love songs but clearly someone in this room does,” He says as he continues to look around, avoiding your gaze.

“I don’t hate love songs! I never said that, so stop putting words into my mouth,” You try to defend yourself as you roll your eyes. Sunwoo takes a seat again as he furrows his eyebrows at you.

“Y/N, I researched you too. There’s no need to lie.”

You let out a sigh. “Fine, I do.”

“And why so?” Sunwoo decides to ask which has you grabbing your cup of coffee to take a sip.

“Ask me later after we make some progress and I’ll answer,” You say which has Sunwoo rolling his eyes, a little smile playing on his lips.

It’s been three hours since you and Sunwoo decided to work, and there has been little to no success.

“God, why did I agree to that deadline?” You mutter to yourself as you shut your eyes with your hands over them in frustration. Sunwoo heard you as he was writing and crossing out lyrics for the track.

“Hey Y/N, why don’t we grab some lunch first?” You open your eyes and look behind you to see Sunwoo up from his seat.

“We haven’t made any progress.”

“Yeah, but you of all people should know that creativity and productivity don’t come with an empty stomach,” He tries to reason out as he walks to you and sets his hands on your chair.

As you look back at the computer in front of you, you see nothing on GarageBand. During times like these, you knew you had to get out of the studio. Whenever you hit a wall, the only solution was to find inspiration outside.

“Alright, let’s get some lunch,” You give in as you close the program and get up from your seat. “Where to?”

“I know a place for us to eat.”

Once the two of you exit the building, you follow Sunwoo as he leads you to where you two will be eating.

“So, why hate love songs?” He decides to ask which has you chuckling.

“I thought we agreed on asking once we’ve made progress, and clearly we haven’t.”

“Oh come on, we need to talk and get to know each other so that we can eventually get over the hurdle,” Sunwoo says which has you sighing.

“Fine. It’s just, I don’t know, cliché? It gets so repetitive that it gets so boring and typical.”

“Ah, you’re one of those people.” That has you letting out a gasp and looking right at him.

“What do you mean by that?!”

He only giggles as he continues to look straight forward. “C’mon Y/N, don’t look at me and look at where you’re going. You might trip.”

“As if–” Before you could finish, you trip and almost fall. It seemed like the universe was out to get you because Sunwoo was right. You were about to brace yourself for the impact, but a pair of arms grabbed your waist before you could fall.

“Oh my god, Y/N! I told you so!” Sunwoo exclaims as he lets go of you.

You wish you could say something but you were too embarrassed about Sunwoo wrapping his arms around you to save you from falling. As the two of you stood there, facing each other, you were about to apologize.

“Uh, sorry, I–”

“Just be careful next time, okay?” Sunwoo says as he rubs your head, messing up your hair. Before you could say anything, he grabs your hand and starts to walk with you following.

Usually, you would get mad if someone messed up your hair but there was something about Sunwoo that made you crave his touch. You hated how you were reacting this way over this guy. As the two of you held hands while you walked to the restaurant, you swear your heart almost burst out of your chest.

The two of you quickly arrived at the restaurant that Sunwoo wanted to bring you to; it was a small Japanese restaurant. As the two of you entered, the bells by the door seemed to chime which grabbed the servers’ attention. “Irasshaimase!”

A lady dressed in a red kimono walked to the two of you with a big smile. “Ah, Sunwoo! How are you?”

“I’m okay! I’ve been working really hard for our upcoming comeback,” Sunwoo replies with a grin that seems to warm both the lady’s and your hearts.

“Oh, you come with a guest! Hello! You are–oh my god, you’re a member of 1CON, right?” The lady asks you, showing the same smile she gave to Sunwoo.

“Ah yes, I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you,” You say as you bow.

“Just a table for two, please.” With that, the lady nods and brings you two to a table located in a small room for privacy. As the two of you get seated, the lady hands you two menus to browse.

“By the way, I’m Hikaru, your server for today. Y/N, Sunwoo frequents here with the other members, so you can always ask him for recommendations,” She tells you which makes you smile. “I will.”

“Sunwoo, I didn’t know you were going out with an ex-member of 1CON! They’re one of Korea’s sweethearts,” Hikaru says, which has you freezing from reading the items on the menu. You knew your cheeks were red, so it surprised you when you decided to look up and see Sunwoo’s cheeks painted red as well.

“Ah, it’s not like that. We’re just colleagues,” He tries to explain which Hikaru understands.

“Oh, I see! I didn’t know. You two would make a good pair though,” She says as she leaves the room which has you both frozen in your seats.

Sunwoo lets out an awkward chuckle and decides to avoid your gaze. “So, what do you like to eat? This place is known for their sushi but they do have really good katsudon.”

“Yeah, sushi works for me.” Once Sunwoo ordered a bunch of sushi platters, the two of you were left in awkward silence.

“So, what do you mean I am one of those people?” You decide to ask to lighten up the mood which was successful as he seemed to laugh.

“I’m just saying, you are part of the people who hate on love songs to be “unique” for some odd reason,” He explains while doing air quotations.

“I don’t hate them just to be unique. I am not that shallow!”

“Alright, so why then?” You sigh as you look at your glass of water.

“I just think they set an unrealistic standard for what love really is.” Sunwoo tilts his head in confusion and asks, “Care to expound?”

“I’m not dramatic or anything, by the way. I think love just isn’t what lyricists make it out to be,” You say as you finally look straight at him.

“Okay, so what are your experiences with it then?”

“Woah Sunwoo, jumping right into it? Give me some time.” You chuckle.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to–”

“I was just kidding, Sunwoo. You’re good.” Sunwoo only smiles and drinks some water.

“What about you? Why do you seem to love love songs?”

“I don’t know what else to say other than I’m a hopeless romantic,” He admits with a small smile.

“Good experiences with love then I’m guessing?”

“Sure, but I just continue to love as if it’s my first time doing so.”

With that, Sunwoo has you smiling. Something about his answer makes your heart throb; you knew it would be a privilege to be loved by him. “Wow, you really are a hopeless romantic.”

Sunwoo rolls his eyes at your comment. “Alright, sue me! There’s nothing wrong with being one.”

You hum as you prop your arm on the table and rest your chin on your hand. “Yeah, it just adds more to my research.”

“Sunwoo, you sure know the best places to eat,” You admit as you try to keep yourself awake from entering a food coma.

Sunwoo smiles both at what you say and how your eyes slightly droop. “Thank you. My friend, Haknyeon, suggested this place back when we were in our trainee days. Now, we eat here so much that everyone seems to know the usual.”

You giggle and let out a small sigh as you look down at the table. “It must be nice to hang out with your friends almost every single second of the day.”

Sunwoo notices the small frown that is about to appear on your face. Before he could say anything, you shake your head as you chuckle and say, “Anyway, shall we head out?”

All Sunwoo did was nod and stand up with you as you exited the small function room. You took this opportunity to look around the restaurant and notice a bar with a small stage beside it. On that stage, people were playing different instruments as they performed a jazzy tune you were unfamiliar with.

Before Sunwoo could leave the restaurant, he noticed you staring in awe at the performers. There was something with how you admired a trio of musicians; the glint in your eyes as you observed how they pluck the strings of their instruments or played the keys of the piano; the slight bobbing of your head as you tried to go along with the tempo they played. The absolute adoration that seemed to show on your face made Sunwoo want—no, need to have you around to experience more moments like these.

Suddenly, your face of admiration morphed into realization. As you meet Sunwoo’s gaze, you say, “I figured it out.”

It is 8:37 PM. You and Sunwoo have spent the last four or five hours working on your own to create the best track suited for their unit song. In those hours, you managed to create the base track on GarageBand and think of a melody in your head. Yet, within those hours, you never noticed how much Sunwoo spent his time looking at you.

“I think I have it,” You finally say as you remove your headphones and look back to see Sunwoo who was on his fifth page full of messy words and scribbles. “Sure, you can play it out loud.”

You change the output settings to speakers and play the track for the two of you to listen. The sound of the electric guitar, the bass, and the drums came all together. You carefully watched Sunwoo as you await his response to the 45-second recording you produced.

As the track finally came to an end, you could not tell what Sunwoo thought of it. “I know it’s not a lot, but that was something I imagined for the track to turn out,” You admit as you continued to stare at him.

“Could you play it again?” You listened to his request and followed. One loop of the short recording turned into three more loops, and you were scared. No matter how many artists you have produced tracks for, you always find yourself anxious about everyone’s feedback.

Sunwoo bopped his head along with the track as he went through the lyrics he wrote. As it reached the end, he looked up to give you a big smile. “It sounds amazing. You never fail to amaze me.”

Despite only getting to know him today, something about those words seemed to warm your heart. With that, you smile as you get off your seat and say, “I kind of thought of the melody too. Care to give me a hand with recording it?”

Sunwoo nodded with the same smile plastered on his face as he got off his seat. Once you entered the recording booth, you saw him seated right in front of the mixing console and desktop. You wear the headphones and test the microphone.

“Am I at a good volume?” You speak into the microphone and earn a nod from him.

“You can play the track, just make sure I’m being recorded.” With that, Sunwoo gives you a thumbs-up and presses a few buttons.

Once you heard the track play out in your headphones, you decided to hum a short tune. Sometimes, you even sang a few lines that came to you on the spot. Some of the things you said did not make sense but Sunwoo seemed to enjoy every single line you sang.

When the track ended abruptly, you look at Sunwoo only to see those doe eyes full of adoration.

“Y/N, please tell me you slept because–oh? You actually slept,” Soeun says in shock as she enters your bedroom and sees you still in bed.

“Soeun, what time is it?” You ask groggily as you rub your eyes.

“11 AM. I am quite surprised you slept.”

“Yeah well, Sunwoo and I squeezed out too much creative juices yesterday and basically ran dry,” You explained as you sat up and stretched your limbs.

“Mhm, how was it? Any progress?” You roll your eyes and get out of bed to walk to your closet

“Soeun, I know I fall quick and hard for almost any person but I am not going to indulge in this one.”

“We’ll see about that,” Soeun mutters loud enough for you to hear.

Before you could interject, she says, “Jihoon told me that Chanhee wouldn’t be participating in the production process due to the schedules he has to attend. Although Jihoon did say Chanhee was incredibly upset.” You nod and hum as you decide what to wear for the day.

“Which means more time with Sunwoo!”

“Soeun!”

“So, Y/N.”

“Yes?”

“Mind if I could ask you something personal?”

“Depends how you define ‘personal’.”

“How was it in 1CON? How was it to be the nation’s sweetheart?” The way Sunwoo phrased it had you laughing.

“God, I am not the nation’s sweetheart,” You deny as you decide to take a short break and look back at him.

“That’s not what the publications say! Almost every news outlet calls 1CON that.”

“I was ranked seventh, and it was a miracle! I even questioned how I managed to make it to the final lineup,” You argue as you take a sip of matcha that Sunwoo had surprised you with when you entered the building. You did not know how he knew but you could only guess that he researched on you even more.

Sunwoo frowns at your reply and says, “You went against a hundred contestants, you shouldn’t downplay your efforts.”

You only sigh and decide to cut the argument short. “Well, 1CON was just like any group; there’s not much to say.”

“Wasn’t the training difficult?”

You chose to keep your answer short and say, “It was, but my time with 1CON is something I still cherish to this day. I made some friends that I still talk to and hang out with until this day.”

“You’re close friends with Jiwoo and Heejin, right?” You nod as you look up to the ceiling, remembering the fun you had with 1CON. Despite everything you have been through, you would sometimes justify the mistreatment you faced with your debut with 1CON.

“I’m close with Yuri also, but I’m casual with everyone,” You tell a white lie to Sunwoo, knowing he would never find out.

“You came from JYP, right?”

“Wow, Sunwoo, you really have been doing research on me. You know you could always just ask! You can’t trust all the things you see on the Internet!”

Sunwoo giggles at your response, his smile showing up once more. “I’m just curious since Ryujin and Chaeryeong are from the same company as you.”

“Brilliant observation from Mr. Kim Sunwoo.” You point out which has Sunwoo laughing once more.

“I’m serious! Wouldn’t you have debuted with them?”

You sigh as you take another sip of matcha. “I would’ve but I am here producing tracks for others.”

Silence engulfs you two as both of you continue to bask in your answer. “Don’t get me wrong, I do love producing. Sometimes, I look at the artists who perform the tracks I produce and think, “Wow, I could never do that.””

Sunwoo was about to interject but you continued to speak. “But I can’t deny that I miss being on stage. The stadiums, the fansigns, the fans… and performing with friends. 1CON has changed my life, and sometimes I wish I could go back to when we were still together.”

It has been a while since you have gotten to vocalize your thoughts, and it felt nice to let this out to Sunwoo. Soeun knew all of your struggles and inner thoughts, but you always felt bad for repeating the same words and thoughts. Now that you got to vocalize this to Sunwoo, you felt at ease around him.

“I wish you would realize that you are talented to perform the tracks you produced,” Sunwoo speaks up which has you ripping your gaze from the ceiling to look right at him.

“Y/N, I do think you are capable enough—no, even more than capable to perform the tracks you have produced. I’ve listened to your own tracks, the ones you published yourself, and I believe they are the most beautiful sounds I’ve ever heard.” Your eyes are in awe over his words. “You are a very talented person, Y/N, and you might have to be my favorite producer and artist out there.”

What Sunwoo says has you starstruck. The way he thought and viewed you should have put this huge amount of pressure on you, but you were pleasantly surprised when you were met with a breath of fresh air.

“Wow, you are very passionate about this,” You finally speak up, trying to shrug off the fact that he complimented you.

Sunwoo frowns at your response and says, “Y/N, you really should give yourself more credit.”

With that, you sigh and give in for once. “Thank you, Sunwoo.”

It was weird to think how someone thought all of that about you. Having someone think of you as their favorite artist and producer? In an industry full of capable and even more talented individuals compared to little you? It felt even weirder to know that someone had to be Sunwoo.

“So, what about you? What’s it like to be in The Boyz?”

It is 2:32 AM, and you and Sunwoo are seated inside the convenience store having some late-night snacks. You could officially say you were done with 75% done with the track. You needed to work on the bridge and outro for you to finally do the final arrangements and call it finished. Sunwoo was going at a pretty good pace; he finished writing the lyrics for almost all of Chanhee’s parts and had to do some final edits on his rap.

“Hmm, I don’t know. I guess you could say it was just like any trainee experience: difficult.” You hum as you take a sip of banana milk and stare out the window.

“There were the unhealthy diets, the long hours of practice, and the scolding. God, the scolding from the company was too much that I contemplated leaving.”

“But you didn’t leave.”

Sunwoo sighs and says, “Yeah, I didn’t. Yet, there were numerous times when I wondered if all the shit I was going through would be worth it, you know? Is all the pain and suffering I’m going through right now that worth it for a debut with a group I wasn’t sure would be a success?”

You understood every word that Sunwoo was saying at that moment. The way he phrased his thoughts was exactly your thoughts back then. Despite you sharing the same sentiments with Sunwoo, you chose to not speak of the past you kept hidden.

“I see. But you’re happy now, right? Happy with The Boyz?” You decide to ask as you finally look at him.

“I couldn’t imagine my life without them. My beginning was with them and they will be my ending as well,” Sunwoo admits with a small smile on his face as he looks back at you.

During that moment, you lay your hand on his shoulder and say, “Sunwoo, I am happy that despite everything, you persevered through it all. I am so glad that you made your debut with a group that loves and cares for you. They are so lucky to have someone like you.”

Sunwoo’s eyes widen at your words, clearly not expecting to hear that. Before you could take your hand off his shoulder, he grabs it and holds your hand in his.

“Yeah… I’m so glad to have met you.” He looks out the window. “You know, you really are the nation’s sweetheart in every aspect I’ve gotten to know. The world is so lucky to have you.”

His hushed words have you flustered; it seems harder to not like him when he continues to say shit like that. As his smile followed after those words, you knew you were screwed when you felt your heart beat out of your chest. So when he said the words “C’mon, I’ll take the bus with you going home. It’s too late for you to go home all by yourself,” you knew that it was impossible to not like a guy like Sunwoo.

“He OFFERED?!”

“Soeun! Quiet down!” You exclaim as you pat your face dry with a towel.

“Sorry, I was just surprised. Sunwoo is an actual decent guy,” Soeun says as she leans on your doorframe.

“Well, he is a really good guy. He has a heart of gold.”

As you say those words while you do your morning skincare routine, you notice Soeun’s expression through the mirror morph into that all-knowing smile you have learned to hate.

“God, I can say that and not pursue him. Let me be,” You say as you roll your eyes.

“I’m just saying that with all the stories you’ve told me, it seems that he likes you too.”

You laugh at her statement and continue on with your skincare routine.

“If you’re worried about dating bans, you don’t have one. Neither does Sunwoo, I’ve asked Jihoon.”

“SOEUN!”

“What?! I just thought to bring it up in case you didn’t know,” Soeun says with a small smile as she scrolls through some documents on her iPad.

You sigh as you continue with your skincare routine, a mind full of last night's events. Nothing much happened if you were to be honest. You are not sure why Soeun was making it a big deal because it seemed like a basic act of decency that anyone could perform. And yet, you were unsure why your heart would flutter when you remembered it.

“I don’t know, it’s just… weird for me. I mean, I did meet him recently.”

“Yeah, but you’ve spent a good chunk of time with Sunwoo. I never held it against you when you developed this crush on him, and I think it’s healthy! I mean, we’ve spent so many years together, and I like seeing you happy.”

Soeun’s words should have brought comfort to you, but doubt took over. You bite the inside of your cheek as you stare at yourself in the mirror.

“Yeah, but work comes first.”

“But–”

“Nope, I don’t want to hear anything from you,” You silence Soeun, making her frown. The work you did was more important than anything, even more than a stupid little crush you developed for a colleague. I mean, it would remain a crush, right?

Once you finished getting ready for the morning, your phone buzzed. As you grabbed onto it, you were surprised to see a text from Sunwoo.

zzoguri 🦝: hey Y/N! i was wondering if you were up to join me for this little party

y/n: sunwoo what happened to only meeting up for work? WHAHASGDH

zzoguri 🦝: okay but we need to have some breaks you know! we deserve it after all the progress we’ve made

y/n: do you not remember that we have a deadline to meet which is only 3 days from now

y/n: plus the times we aren’t together are breaks!

zzoguri 🦝: oh cmon y/n :( if you don’t want to hang that’s fine.

You furrow your eyes as you were unsure to respond.

“Why the frown?” Soeun asks, which makes you sigh and show your conversation to her. As she reads the chat, you notice how her expression morphs into disappointment.

“Y/N, you are on a different level of being dense.”

“What?! Why?”

“He’s asking you on a date!” She says which makes you frown even more.

“Asking me out to a party is not a date. What are you on?”

“Well, maybe not on a date date, but he’s finding opportunities to spend more time with you outside of the typical meetings or work hours.” She says as she shakes her head and goes back to her iPad.

You pout as you look back at your conversation. If Sunwoo thought this was a date (which you highly doubt), he needs to step up in his game.

“I’m not saying you should take his offer, but he just wants to spend more time with you, as a friend or maybe even more,” Soeun points out, which has you pondering even harder on how to respond. Once you reached a decision, you let out a sigh and type away

y/n: kim sunwoo, i enjoy spending time with you if you’re worried about that

y/n: send me the details and i’ll make sure to attend

zzoguri 🦝: wow THE y/n enjoys spending time with me. i am honored.

y/n: don’t get ahead of yourself

zzoguri 🦝: trust me, i’m only acting like this because i’m lucky to have you 😋

It sucks that you felt yourself smile and your cheeks warm at the message.

Sunwoo did not tell you much about the party, so you wore a smart casual outfit as a safety option. When you asked about the address, he only answered with an “I’ll be picking you up.” You were seated by the kitchen island as you continued to scroll through Twitter.

The praise your recent work got for Wheein’s album was a sight you loved, and you hoped for more collaborations with the soloist. On the charts, your work was doing well alongside the title track. After all the countless nights spent working on tracks, you always find yourself at ease after seeing how the public received them.

The doorbell rings, and you are reminded that you were waiting for Sunwoo. You stood up from your seat and swung the door open, surprised to be greeted by the man you were waiting for who was dressed up from his usual hoodie. As he saw you, not a single sound left him; he was stuck looking at you up and down.

“Uh, Sunwoo?” You ask to break the weird silence that seemed to engulf you two.

“Oh, sorry. I was just—you look wonderful.”

You smile to cover up the fact you were blushing, and joke, “You don’t think I look good the other times we’ve met?”

“Ah, that’s not what I mean. You look great every day, but today… you just look, even more beautiful right now.”

You did not expect Sunwoo to say that which has you more flustered than ever. It was impossible that Sunwoo did not know what he was doing to you; he should definitely know now.

“C’mon, we’ve got a party to attend,” He says with a smile as he grabs your hand.

As he got into the car with you, you noticed that it was Jihoon in the driver’s seat. To be honest, you were not sure why you were nervous about this whole thing. Maybe it felt weird to hold hands with Jihoon around; it also did not help to know Sunwoo had no dating ban.

With that, your hands started to get clammy, and you were about to let go of his hand. Yet, he never seemed to be bothered by your sweaty hands. Despite what you thought of the Pacific Ocean forming in your hands, he continued to hold it with the same grip. As he looked out the window to admire the city lights, you were left to admire the boy beside you.

The ride to the party did not take long. In fact, the location of it felt quite near IST Entertainment. The party took place in a building right beside the Japanese restaurant you and Sunwoo started to frequent after that one lunch. You could not help it; the sushi is to die for.

When the two of you entered the building, it was full of function rooms that could hold around a hundred to two hundred individuals. You expected Sunwoo to let go of your hand the moment you two exited the car, but he never did.

Eventually, you two arrived in front of a door. Before he could open it, you hold him back. He looks back at you with wide eyes that were laced with worry.

“Hey, are you okay?” You bite your lip as you felt your limbs fill with anxiety.

“I… I don’t know. Who are the people in there? I’m not the greatest in social gatherings so I might end up clinging onto you. Is that okay? I mean–”

Before you could continue on a tangent, Sunwoo lets go of your hand and grabs onto your face to gain your attention (which he successfully did). The warmth of his hands on your cheeks; the eye contact he held; everything about him had the ability to make you shut up and admire him like he is the only person on this earth. And that god-forsaken smile started to creep onto his lips—you were screwed.

“It’ll be alright. Cling onto me for as long as you want, I’ll make sure to keep you company. Don’t forget, I did invite you which makes me obligated to take care of you.” Before you could protest, he cuts you off.

“Sorry, don’t think I’m keeping you company as a task. I enjoy spending time with you too, and I want to spend whatever second I have left with you,” He says, which has your knees weak.

If Sunwoo did not know the power of his words, you would have smacked him then and there. There is no way the guy right in front of you is saying all this without knowing the impact these words would have on anyone. Maybe he was just as dense as Soeun thinks you are, and you were betting on it.

He eventually lets go of your face and grabs onto your hand once more. With that, he looks back to the door and swings it open. The two of you were greeted by strobe lights and BIBI’s “The Weekend” as you entered the function room.

If you had to guess, the party seemed to have at least fifty individuals (possibly a mix of idols and staff) who looked like they were having the time of their lives. As you were taking in your surroundings, you noticed idols such as Kim Yerim of Red Velvet and Mark Lee of NCT chatting with other idols you recognized.

The party was full of big shots, and that terrified you. Your nerves were starting to get to you that Sunwoo could notice. With that, you found yourself being brought in front of him so that he could hold onto your shoulders as you two walked.

“If you want to leave already, just let me know, okay?” He whispers into your ear as you continue to walk to wherever he is leading you to.

If people did not notice you were here, people definitely noticed now considering how close you and Sunwoo were. Before you could tell Sunwoo that others were staring, you two eventually arrived at a table occupied by ten other guys you knew from research—you can only assume it is the rest of his group.

“Guess who finally showed up!” Juyeon pointed out which has the rest of the group looking at you two.

“I know, I know. I had to pick up Y/N from their place.” Sunwoo says as he high-fives some of them.

“Oh my god, Y/N, please do take a seat,” Changmin says as he grabs onto the chair beside him. You give him a small smile and take a seat with Sunwoo doing the same beside you.

“I think I should introduce you to–”

“Oh, you don’t have to! I know who everyone is,” You cut Sunwoo off which has the rest of the group in shock.

“The Y/N knows us?! Korea’s sweetheart?!” Eric exclaims which has you giggling.

“Of course! Why would I agree to produce a track for Chanhee and Sunwoo if I didn’t know your group? What you guys put out is amazing!” The group expresses their gratitude after your compliment.

“I mean, the same goes for you! I would be embarrassed to admit this, but you were my bias when 1CON was still together,” Changmin says which has you laughing.

“Oh please, I don’t take compliments well,” You say as you try to shrug it off.

“I mean, Sunwoo was probably worse! He would–”

“Aish, shut up Haknyeon! Y/N doesn’t have to know,” Sunwoo attempts to cut Haknyeon off before he could spill anything.

“What? Now I wanna know!”

“Ah, Y/N! Don’t listen to him!” Sunwoo exclaims which makes you laugh at him.

“Sunwoo, I think Haknyeon has something very important to share with me. You wouldn’t want to stop us from being friends, would you?” When he gives you a pout, all you could do is giggle and pat his knee.

As the others seemed invested in their own conversations, Haknyeon says, “Well, Sunwoo had you as his bias even before you debuted in 1CON.” You gasp as you look at the guy moping beside you and back to Haknyeon.

“It was funny because he so badly wanted to meet you before but your group and The Boyz never had their schedules line up when it came to promotions. I remember when Changmin said he had you as his bias; the reaction on Sunwoo’s face is so memorable.” With that, you smile at Sunwoo who was busy sulking.

“Sunwoo, why didn’t you tell me this?” You ask which has him looking back at you.

“I didn’t think it was relevant to mention,” He mutters.

“You were just shy about it!” You exclaim as you could not stop yourself from smiling at the shy boy in front of you.

“Ah, whatever! New topic, please! Where’s Soobin and Yeonjun?”

“Uh, they were just here. However, Y/N! I forgot to mention that–” Before Haknyeon could finish his sentence, you were interrupted by your phone buzzing in your bag. As you grab it, you see a text message from Soeun.

ssongie 🐧: hey, let me know when you get back home! i’ll seriously scold jihoon if sunwoo doesn’t bring you back home.

ssongie 🐧: and i know you hate huge social gatherings so don’t hesitate to call me

ssongie 🐧: actually just call me when you're there so that i know you’re safe please <3

You giggle at Soeun’s messages and decide to get up from your seat.

“I just have to call Soeun,” You explain to Sunwoo and Haknyeon and excuse yourself from the table to go to the washroom. As you were busy typing out a response, you accidentally bump into someone.

“Oh my god, I’m so–”

“Y/N? I did not expect you to be here!” The voice belonged to someone you last wished to bump into, especially at a gathering full of idols. As you look up, you see the face of your ex-peer who constantly overshadowed you from pre-debut until disbandment.

Jiyoon—the one person you hoped to avoid encountering at any given moment, especially at IST Entertainment—just had to bump into you here. You were shocked by how the universe works. How could they make you meet her here, out of all the places too?

Before you could say anything, Jiyoon wrapped her arms around your figure. The sudden action did not help how surprised you were by the whole situation.

“Y/N, it’s been a while!” She exclaims once she lets go, clearly not noticing how you did not hug her back.

“I–we saw each other recently,” You say, which makes her laugh.

“Oh yeah! But I couldn’t stay for long, remember? I had to leave the moment you got there!” Jiyoon smiled at you which made you feel awkward.

The thing is Jiyoon never intentionally did anything bad to you. In fact, your old company was to blame for cultivating this competitive environment between you two. Yet, you were sure Jiyoon saw you as a competitor as well despite the façade she put on.

“Uh, yeah. What a bummer!” If she did not notice how awkward you feel about this encounter, she should definitely notice now.

You just wanted to get out of this horrible situation. The need to just crawl under your covers to isolate yourself from your memories and reality is so strong. It did not help that people were observing the interaction between you two. I mean, who would not want to see two of Korea’s sweethearts interact once more? Yet, you knew people were curious about what would go down between you two.

“How’s producing going for you? I was shocked to hear you didn’t debut with Ryujin and Chaeryeong in ITZY! Was it because you didn’t make it to the final line-up?” You frowned at her.

“Producing is amazing because I enjoy what I do now. And no, I just decided to leave JYP.” Your response was laced with a touch of passive aggressiveness as you were uncomfortable with her question.

“Oh, what a shame. I just thought that you would have fit ITZY, but I guess JYP wouldn’t accept any of your tracks for their albums, would they?”

See, that is the problem with Jiyoon; a fake ass bitch who knew how to press your buttons. If everyone else knew how much of a bitch she was, maybe you would not have to struggle being under fire for choosing to be a producer rather than an idol.

Before you could say anything, you felt someone’s arm wrap around your shoulders.

“Hi, Jiyoon! Sorry to interrupt but Y/N and I have somewhere to be,” Sunwoo intervenes as he gives a small smile to Jiyoon.

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know you two came together.” Jiyoon gives a smile—the same one you grew to hate over the years. “Well, I hope to see you again, Y/N.”

Once Jiyoon finally leaves, you do not take another second to shrug Sunwoo’s arm off and make your way out of the function room. As Sunwoo follows you out, the two of you continue to walk back to the car in silence. Jihoon notices you two and starts up the car.

The moment you two get in, not a single word is exchanged throughout the whole ride. You were sure Sunwoo was confused about your reaction but maybe he did not want to ask you about it until you were ready.

What you do not expect is to feel his hand rest on top of yours. There is something that his touch does to bring you comfort. If you could unravel the reason for this, you would take it in a heartbeat. But for now, all you can do is let yourself feel at ease.

Once you were brought back to your home, Sunwoo walked you back to the door. Before you decided to enter your home, you take a look at Sunwoo who looked worried. With that, you gave him an apologetic smile and say, “I’m sorry about tonight.”

“Hey, don’t even worry about it,” Sunwoo starts off. “It’s none of my business, but just know I’m here for you.”

You cannot help but smile at him. For a moment, you do not know what to say. Yet, something possess you. Without thinking, you felt your face closer to his. As his eyes widen at the distance between you two, you cannot help but smile.

With your head leaning to the side, you felt your lips get closer to his cheek until there was no distance left. It was a short kiss to begin with, and not much thought was put into the action. The moment you pulled away, you are still met with Sunwoo’s shocked expression.

You chose to not say anything. All you did was smile and walk away. Once you entered your home, you could not help but focus on the memories you had with Jiyoon in them (and the peck you gave Sunwoo).

Having to face Sunwoo the next day was a task you were not ready to take on. As you look back at the events that transpired last night, you were unsure of how to go back to normal without acknowledging your encounter with Jiyoon (and the k*ss on the cheek you gave out of impulse).

You wish you knew what was going through your mind that made you k*ss him. Everything felt like a blur yet crystal clear. Being driven by impulse and having no second thoughts had you placed in bad situations.

Thankfully, Sunwoo did not make any comment about last night the moment you entered the studio. In fact, the only thing you two talked about was about the track. He probably did not want to put you in an awkward position, or maybe he felt awkward himself. Either way, the two of you continued to work by yourselves.

“Why aren’t you signed with a company?” Sunwoo asks the golden question that stops you from working.

You were not sure why the sudden question but all signs have to point to what Jiyoon said last night (or what she probably told The Boyz considering they are under the same company).

“You don’t have to answer–”

“Thank you, I won’t,” You say to end the conversation.

“I’m sorry if–”

“Sunwoo,” You interrupt before he could continue.

As you look away from the computer to look at him, you say, “Just continue working.” Your tone was laced with malice as you throw a glare at him. With that, Sunwoo chose to shut up and continue writing out his rap while you tried to finish the song.

The more you two continued on with work, the more you felt guilt piling in your stomach. Sunwoo was only asking a question and you treated him with such hostility. As you felt your heart get eaten away, you wondered how you could apologize to him.

Around 1 AM, it was safe to say that you were done with the base track. Thankfully, it also seemed that Sunwoo was done with the lyrics of his raps and Chanhee’s verses.

“Thank god! All we have to do is record the demo tomorrow and we’re good to go,” You say as you save the files into your USB.

Once you shut the computer down and stood up, you look back to see Sunwoo still seated on the couch. You let out a sigh as you look down at the USB in your hands.

“I’m sorry about earlier, and last night.” When you look back up at him, he had his eyes trained on you. You took a moment to think about how to approach the situation considering you fucked up.

“Do you… do you wanna grab something with me at the convenience store? Consider it an apology or an opportunity for me to explain,” You offer with a small smile.

With that, Sunwoo nods and stands up from his seat. Thank god Sunwoo is willing to hear you out.

Sunwoo took this opportunity to buy out the whole convenience store. As you two exit to take a seat in the outdoor area, his arms seemed to carry an abundance of snacks while you held onto strawberry milk and potato chips. Once the two of you got settled, you both dug into your snacks in comfortable silence.

“I’ll, uhm, explain,” You start off as you look down at your drink.

“You don’t have to if you aren’t ready to share that part with me,” Sunwoo reassures you before you could continue.

“I know, but… I trust you.” Both you and him were shocked at your words. “I–I was just thrown off a while ago because only a few people know that part of my life.”

The moment you look back up to Sunwoo, his doe eyes were full of concern. He knows that it is a sensitive topic if you snapped a while ago—and it is. Usually, you were not the type to snap at people, but this topic was a touchy issue.

“Well, you know that I used to be under JYP even before I debuted in 1CON.” Sunwoo nods. “I obviously had plans to be part of a girl group, which was ITZY if you didn’t overhear my conversation with Jiyoon. To be honest, the line-up for ITZY was tight considering that ten trainees were competing for it, including me,” You speak as you reveal the secrets of your past.

“The thing is that I was technically going to make it in the final line-up even before 1CON. So, when Soeun—who was also a staff member of JYP Entertainment—revealed that Ryujin, Chaeryeong, and I were going to audition for Produce 101, it shocked all of us. I mean, the three of us seemed like we were going to debut in ITZY, so why did we have to go through that shitty survival show?”

“Well, when Ryujin, Chaeryeong, and I made it into the final line-up, ITZY’s debut was pushed back as well. The time I spent with 1CON is something I would carry with me throughout this lifetime, but I can’t deny that the company that oversaw us was terrible.” You look down at your banana milk.

“Even after being in the final line-up for 1CON, there was this competitive nature that made it impossible for me to feel at ease. Of course, I can’t speak for everyone because most of us got along. However, I guess the most evident rivalry was between Jiyoon and I.” As you look at Sunwoo once more, he was only listening to what you had to say. There were no interruptions on his end, and that made you grateful.

“I mean, you’ve watched Produce 101, and I’m guessing you followed the news on my group. I’m sure most media outlets would focus on the rivalry between me and Jiyoon as fans would try to defend our relationship. As much as people wanted to believe that we were best friends, we really weren’t.”

“It also didn’t help that our company, Stone Entertainment, seemed to favor her over me. I swear, I respect her as a producer since we were the only people in the group who dabbled into that. Yet, it was always hard to be a producer for 1CON when your company denied your works or would completely rearrange it without giving you credit.”

“They did WHAT?!” Sunwoo exclaims for the first time since you opened up about this topic which has you giggling.

“Yeah, it was terrible. Stone Entertainment never touched Jiyoon’s works. If they did though, they always made sure to give her credit. The rivalry I had with Jiyoon was something I knew I lost the moment they took my name out of the credits for one of the tracks I produced for the group.” You sigh. “Of course, I couldn’t protest because I would be risking my position in 1CON. Along with that, JYP would have been pissed if I spoke up.”

“So yeah, I had to live under the shadow of Jiyoon. I thought that things would go better for me once I came back under the care of JYP, but I was mistaken. There was no creative freedom with the tracks I planned to produce for the group. In fact, it felt like I was being used by the company. And despite all the countless producers JYP had contact with, they made sure to use me somehow.”

“So, imagine this: I was being starved, overworked, and overwhelmed by JYP. The fact that I couldn’t do what I love without being constantly criticized took an absolute toll on me. What I went through with Stone Entertainment was traumatic in some way, to be honest. While I was trying to get over that, I had to deal with JYP.”

“In the end, I made the decision to leave, having to pay off any expenses that they covered. Soeun followed me, and it’s a burden I carry with me. I can’t pay her much despite all the work she’s done for me. Yet, she stuck with me, and I’m happy she’s taking the decision to work with IST.”

The silence that engulfs you two should be deafening, but it was calming for you. Vocalizing what you went through felt like a weight off your chest. Somehow, saying all of it made you realize just how much you had to go through to be where you are now.

Once you looked up, you were greeted by Sunwoo’s eyes which were full of sorrow.

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” He whispers which has you shaking your head.

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for. In fact, the people who owe me an apology are JYP and Stone Entertainment,” You say with a laugh, looking at the starry sky.

“That’s why when netizens talk about how I’m a wasted opportunity or question what my future plans are, I don’t pay attention to them. What I went through at those two companies was enough to know how I’d be treated in the industry.” You sigh. “But I love music at the end of it all—I love the music I worked hard on.”

As you admired the sea of stars that seemed to surround you two, Sunwoo grabbed your hand from across the table. The moment you look back at him, he does not say anything. Instead, he continues to rub his thumb on your hand, drawing patterns as you two sit in what you shared.

You were over what happened then; you did not cry like you used to. Yet, there is something so comforting about Sunwoo’s hand caressing yours that says, “You can cry if you want to.” And cry you did.

The tears slowly streamed down your face, and you realized just how vulnerable you were around the man you supposedly just met a few days ago. Before you could say anything, you see Sunwoo give you a smile of sympathy as he continues to hold your hand that starts to shake.

Once the sobs started to pour out, you could not look at him anymore. Your body started to bend forward as you felt your heart start to ache at the memory. Somehow, you felt your body be brought towards the warm figure who was once seated across you. As Sunwoo let you cry into his chest, his arms stayed wrapped around your figure as he rubbed circles on your back.

You were never the person who could easily be vulnerable around others. Yet, it was so easy to be that way with Sunwoo. Despite the small period of time getting to know him, he did not seem to judge you as tears and snot continued to drip. That was the moment you realized that Sunwoo is everything good in this world.

Having to meet Sunwoo the next day to record the final track was probably the most nerve-wracking experience yet. In the past two days, you managed to k*ss him on the cheek (god, you hate thinking about it that you cannot even say it) and also sob your eyes out to the point his hoodie was soaked. You are not sure how you can embarrass yourself even more.

When you entered the recording studio, the universe seemed to save your ass since you saw Chanhee and Sunwoo together. Thankfully, there would be no opportunity to spend some time alone with him (at least for now).

“Ah, Y/N! It’s so nice to see you again,” Chanhee exclaims as he grabs your hand to shake it.

“It’s nice to see you too, Chanhee! Has Sunwoo shown you the lyrics and melody?”

“Yes, he did. I was practicing all night, so I’m hoping you’ll be satisfied later.” You shake your head with a smile on your face. The moment your eyes land on Sunwoo, you see his eyes on you. Still nervous from yesterday, you look back at Chanhee to get rid of the fact that Sunwoo was staring at you.

“No, this is your track. Whatever you do should live up to your standards. I’m sure whatever you do will blow my mind anyway,” You say letting go of his hand.

Once you take a seat in front of the mixing console, you say, “Chanhee, you can step into the recording booth first so we can record your parts. Sunwoo seems to have his rap under control, so let’s work hard to do the bigger tasks.”

The whole process of having Chanhee and Sunwoo record their parts seemed to pass by quickly. In fact, you managed to only spend two and a half hours just recording their parts since they wanted to experiment and figure out which went best.

What followed after was for you to combine their vocals with the track. It did not take much, which surprised you. Usually, you would struggle with this segment of the process. Yet, it helped to have Sunwoo and Chanhee in the room as they talked about whatever.

As you were immersed in cleaning up the final track, you never noticed how Sunwoo was preoccupied with admiring you. Although Chanhee caught sight of it, he continued to talk to the wall to not blow his best friend’s cover.

What you do not catch is one boy whispering to the other about admitting his feelings for you after everything.

On the next day, you were not as nervous as you expected to be (maybe it is because Chanhee and Sunwoo enjoyed the final product). You were seated with the two across from Jihoon, Soeun, and the CEO of IST Entertainment, Mr. Yoon, to present the final track.

“Thank you again for meeting with us today and accepting the offer to produce the track for Chanhee and Sunwoo,” Mr. Yoon says with a smile.

“Of course, it is a pleasure to be given this opportunity,” You say as you bow your head.

“Can you give us a brief explanation of what you have prepared for us?”

With that, you nod and give Chanhee and Sunwoo to explain the meaning behind the song.

“Mr. Yoon, the track we have prepared with Y/N is entitled “Don’t,” which is a love story with a twist. It’s a story between two people who started off casually flirting but slowly realize that they have feelings for each other,” Chanhee starts off.

“The story of this song is that the two possible lovers don’t want to admit anything and would like to stay away from alcohol in fear that they might confess under the influence,” Sunwoo continues, allowing you to say the last segment of the explanation.

“The track is R&B with a Soul feel. Sunwoo is responsible for creating the meaning behind this track, and I just worked with his idea. We hope you enjoy what we have to offer,” You finish off the explanation and signal Soeun to play the track for Mr. Yoon.

As the track played, you noticed Soeun, Jihoon, and Mr. Yoon going along with the music. In fact, it looked like they were enjoying it. As you were waiting for the track to end, you felt someone’s hand grab onto yours from under the table. When you look down, you notice that it was Sunwoo’s hand that grabbed yours. The moment you look at Sunwoo who is seated beside you, he does not spare you a glance but continues to hold your hand that rests on your lap.

You two have not talked about the k*ss on the cheek or the sob moment you had back at the convenience store. In fact, you have not talked about how he held your hand in the car or how he held your face to calm you down. Never once did you two mention the flirtatious comments you two would throw at each other.

So, what happens once the track gets approved? Will these all stop once you and Sunwoo do not have to work together anymore? What will happen to the relationship between you two?

The moment the track reaches its end, you are snapped back to reality. Once you look back at Mr. Yoon, you see him nodding with a small smile. He seemed to look satisfied with the final output.

“Y/N, I really enjoy what you put for us today. Your specialty is really with R&B tracks considering the artists you’ve produced for.” You were not sure whether that was a compliment or not since you produced tracks of different genres.

“Here at IST, we really appreciate what you put in for us. We’ll make sure to make good use of this demo.” You started to frown.

“I’m sorry, demo?” You ask, clarifying what you just heard.

“Yes, demo,” Mr. Yoon answers, leaving you taken back.

“Demo? Mr. Yoon, we agreed on Y/N producing the final track. This is not a demo,” Soeun says as she shared the same confusion you had. Mr. Yoon snaps his fingers, signaling for Jihoon to respond.

“Uhm, we sent an email a few days ago to Y/N’s email to inform them of the changes in the contract. We assumed that you two got the memo despite getting no response.” With that, you immediately stand up from your seat, Sunwoo’s hand not holding yours anymore.

“Even if, you should have clarified with me regarding this matter. I mean, we saw each other recently. Why did you not bother to ask me if I received your email?” You ask in disbelief as you set your hands on the table.

“If you were signed with a company, then you wouldn’t have to bother with fixing your habit of reading emails,” Mr. Yoon comments, which makes you scoff.

“Ah, so it’s like that then. The nerve of this company to comment on how I am an independent producer is disrespectful. Mr. Yoon, I’ll have you know that I signed that contract under the impression it would be the final track. I cannot accept giving you this as a demo knowing my work would be taken advantage of.”

“Well, I’m sorry, but we are only willing to accept it as a demo.” You cross your arms as you shake your head in disbelief.

“Mr. Yoon, don’t think this is the first time people have attempted to screw me over. I’ll have you know that I’ve been in this industry longer than your groups. Chanhee and Sunwoo can keep their lyrics while I keep my track. This agreement is over,” You say as you step away from the table, storming off the room to leave Soeun to deal with the rest.

As you made your way out of the building, you began to walk on the sidewalk to think about what just happened. Yet, you heard someone calling your name from behind. As you let out a sigh, you stood still in place and feel Sunwoo’s hand grab onto your shoulder.

“What now, Sunwoo?”

“I’m sorry about–”

“Sunwoo, you don’t need to apologize for anything. It’s your CEO and manager that need to apologize for the fact that they modified the contract without my knowledge, attempted to take advantage of my work to call it their own, and insulted me as an independent artist and producer,” You say as you were shocked with how things turned out.

Clearly, you were not in the right headspace to continue talking about what just happened. In fact, you were pissed with the events that transpired a while ago. You signed up to produce the final track with possible minimal changes, not a fucking demo.

“Y/N, will you hear me out?” Sunwoo asks which makes you let out a sigh.

“Yes, sorry. Please, say what you need to say,” You say, hoping he would understand what you felt considering how you opened up to him two days ago.

“I think you should still agree to it.”

Upon hearing those words, your mouth opens in shock. The one person you trusted to understand what you felt about this issue seemed to be turning their back on you. Considering that Sunwoo knew what you went through, you could not believe what he was asking you to do.

“I’m sorry?”

“It’ll still be a good opportunity! I’ll make sure they credit you for it, and I’ll even express my gratitude to ensure that people know you worked on this.” You let out a chuckle of disbelief as you shake off his hand that was once resting on your shoulder (and held your hand countless times).

“Kim Sunwoo, I expected better from you.” Before he could say anything, you cut him off.

“No, you don’t get to speak just yet. Sunwoo, you are an artist in this industry. You know how companies treat demos, and how there are opportunities for artists like me to get fucked over. Your company is not that different from others; they only care for profit as artists continue to struggle in this fucked up industry.”

“Sunwoo, I can’t believe that after everything I told you a few days ago, you dare to ask me something so difficult. I would have thought that out of all the people you would be the one who would understand, but clearly, you are no different from the companies who took advantage of me.”

You stand there for a few seconds in hopes to hear Sunwoo argue that he is not like the people who took advantage of you. In fact, you were waiting for him to say he understood and that he would like to apologize. But when no words came out of his mouth, that is when you knew that you were played with.

“Yeah, fuck you, Sunwoo. Don’t bother contacting me again.” With that, you stormed off and left him to sit in with what you said. You did not like to admit it but you were sure you felt tears fall as you continued to make your way back home on foot.

if you liked this, please take some time to like and reblog this!

#zzoguri feedbacks #of boundaries and secret glances (i'm lucky to be loved by you)

158 notes · View notes

gluion · 1 year ago

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OP!!!! i must let you know that your feedback brought me to genuine tears (i even had to take a pic of me with tears streaming down my face... literally on vc with my friends and they heard me just wailing) </3

for context, i was literally struggling to edit part two of my changmin fic just from how taxing it felt but reading this gave me the energy and motivation i needed </3 i genuinely love all types of reviews but the long unfiltered ones/live reaction ones will always hold a special place in my heart <3

the first time i planned out this fic was right after my rewatch of "music & lyrics" with my best friend (my og betareader and the person who helped me plan this lil baby out). and even if i didn't have a clear plan of how the two would fall in love, i knew for sure that i wanted sunwoo to see reader past the idol image they curated over the years—for him to love them for who they are.

i am so glad that the build up of their relationship translated well </3 i usually get scared to write fics that have to be built from scratch since i'm scared that things would go on too fast. thank you for loving their dynamic <3 i hope i was able to capture sunwoo well.

aside from that, i have always love for works that have more than just romance. so in most of my works planned out, they always have something to focus on—whether it may be an issue like mistreatment in the kpop industry or the importance of platonic love [heavily seen in my changmin fic]

and lastly, just like you, i am a very hyper-independent person </3 i feel like there's so much baggage that i personally carry and to have someone love me in the same way sunwoo loves reader is something i long for as well. i think in most of my readers, i always add a personal touch that reflects a big part of me (without threatening the whole "reader" aspect). so i'm really glad you found yourself resonating with this fic and loving everything this offers <3

i still cannot believe that the first fic i publish still receives this type of praise </3 it feels unreal but it really makes me happy <3 i'm so happy that this will be one of your comfort fics for it is something i've worked on for so long.

thank you again op :DD newspaper work has been rolling for a bit (and i go back to uni a week from now </3) so I'm really glad that you gave me the energizer i needed! good luck as well <3 thank you for this long review once again

[part two] of boundaries and secret glances (i'm lucky to be loved by you) ➵ kim sunwoo

idol!kim sunwoo x ex-idol!reader

word count ➵ 14.6k words (30.3k words in total)

parts ➵ [1] [2]

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet

a/n ➵ thank you for taking time to read the second part! please note that idols shown or talked about in this fic are not meant to reflect my real thoughts on them. i love all the idols here in this fic. i would really appreciate it if you could take the time to like and reblog this.

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It has been a week since your fight with Sunwoo. Soeun chose to defer her employment with IST for another two weeks until she can get her hands on someone to take her job under you. To be clear, you did not care about how Mr. Yoon attempted to screw you over. In fact, you were used to it and trained yourself to not think too much about it.

What bothered you about everything was how Sunwoo seemed to turn his back on you so quickly. Despite all the late nights and moments spent in close proximity, the friendship proved itself to be weak in the face of adversity. You guess Sunwoo needed more from you to truly think of you as a friend.

Now, you were seated in Sunwoo’s favorite Japanese restaurant which had turned into your favorite as well. You were only there for the sushi to patch the wounds that he inflicted on you; food cures everything. Yet, when Hikaru offered a bottle of sake for free, you could not deny her request.

A bottle of sake turned into two and a half, and you were officially drunk. You realize that sushi is not the most filling food to eat before you drink. As you stayed seated and slouched on your table around 1 AM, you were left with your thoughts as Hikaru stayed with you.

“Hikaru, I don’t know what happened,” You slur which has Hikaru letting out a hum.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“I… I don’t know what happened between me and Sunwoo,” You say as you finally sit up straight.

“Something happened between you two?”

You hiccup and take a moment to make sure you do not vomit. Before you could respond, you heard the bells ring. Once the mystery person made their way to you, you showed a lazy smile.

“Sunwoo!” The person in question sighs as he scratches his head.

“Thank you, Hikaru, for calling me. I’ll take care of them from here.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know something happened between you two.” As Sunwoo walks to you, you raise your arms.

“Carry me you asshole!” Despite the sting of your words, the way you exclaimed it was merrily. Sunwoo sighs, faces away from you, and crouches down.

“Get on my back.” You gladly accept his offer and wrap your arms around his shoulders, jumping on his back. The moment he stands up, you stumble but he holds on you tightly.

“Again, I’m sorry about this Hikaru. Do I have to pay for anything? Please send the receipt to the dorm if necessary,” Sunwoo tells Hikaru, making her shake her head.

“No, it’s okay. Just take care of Y/N. Do you need help?”

“I’ll be fine. Thank you!” With that, Sunwoo exits with you on his back.

As he was walking back to your place with you on his back, you were resting your cheek on the back of his head. In fact, you were mumbling something that he could not quite catch.

“Hmm? Y/N, did you say something?”

“Why…” The rest of your words turned into incoherent nonsense that Sunwoo was not sure if he should ask you to say again considering your state.

“Y/N, I couldn’t hear you.”

“Why do you not like me?”

That has Sunwoo stopped in his tracks. As he continued to carry you on his back, he looked at the path in front of him as you continued to mumble.

“Sunwoo,” You hiccup. “What happened to us? Do you not like me?”

Sunwoo’s heart ached at your words. He did not know how to reassure you that he enjoys everything about you, especially in your current state. In fact, it would be no use. With that, he continued to walk with you on his back.

The journey back to your place gave you enough time to rest and sober up somehow. As you gained a clearer conscience, you realized how having Sunwoo carry you on his back was terrible for you. There was no way you could live this down. Yet, you allow yourself to snuggle into him as you take in his smell.

Sunwoo smells of jasmine and rose. The scent of berry lingers on his hair along with the smell of laundry that clings onto his clothes. As you breathe him in, you realize how comforting his presence is in your life.

Once you two finally reached your place, he attempts to wake you up as he thinks you were asleep

“Hey, we’re here.”

As you got off his back, you look away and attempt to make your way to the door. Sunwoo grabs your hand before you could do so and spins you to face him. What he did not expect was to see tears falling down your face.

“Y/N, I’m–”

“Sunwoo, what did I do wrong? Did you not think of me as a friend?”

“What? No, I–” You attempt to shrug his hand off your wrist but fail.

“Let me go,” You say as more tears continue to fall down.

“No, I won’t.”

“Sunwoo, let me go.”

Greeted with no response as his grip remains firm, you attempt to shrug it off once more. Without any success, you start to sob even harder.

“Please, let me go!” Your sobs were even louder, your body shaking as your throat started to strain.

“Y/N, I can’t. I care about you.”

“No, you don’t! If you did, you would have never asked me to take that offer!” You argue back as you look at him straight into his eyes.

“Y/N–”

“Sunwoo, please! The longer you hold onto me, the more confused I get about our relationship. Like, what are we? Friends? Enemies? Strangers who want to flirt? What are we?! It’s so hard to understand you after everything!”

With that, Sunwoo pulls you into his chest and hugs you. As you continue to sob and hit your hands on his chest, he continues to hold you despite everything.

You wish he never bothered to be friends with you. Why could you two not remain colleagues? Why did Sunwoo have to reach out to you and leave you with a broken heart?

It took you a few minutes until your wailing started to calm down. As you start to get exhausted from crying, your arms began to grow tired while your throat started to ache. At that moment, you do not do anything as Sunwoo continues to hold you in his arms.

The moment he lets go of you, he caresses your face so that you could look straight into his eyes. Your bloodshot eyes along with tear-stained cheeks became a painful sight he could not bear to look at, especially knowing he was the cause of this. Despite everything, you saw how his eyes continued to hold the entire universe.

“Y/N, I need to say this to you right now because I’m scared you’ll go back to sleep thinking all of this.”

“I–”

“No, Y/N. Hear me out just this once, please?” Before you could say anything, he went on.

“Y/N, I have always thought of you as a friend. In fact, I regarded you as the one person I wanted to continue spending time with. Maybe it’s because our friendship is so fresh, but I loved every moment I got to have with you.” Sunwoo draws patterns on your cheek with his thumb. “Whether it would be in the studio as we worked in comfortable silence or in my favorite Japanese restaurant that turned into your favorite as well, every single moment is precious because it had you in it.”

“Sure, I was ecstatic to know that I would be spending time with my celebrity crush, but I learned more about you the more we continued to work together. Did you know that I fall asleep to the thought of spending more time–no, that I fall asleep to the thought of you? Everywhere I go at any moment, I always think about you; I wonder how you are today; I hope you got to eat well today; I wonder what other things you can reveal that can keep me absolutely hooked on you.”

“Y/N, I don’t think you realize just how precious you are in everyone’s lives. If you think I never saw you as a friend, well I need to tell you otherwise. I appreciate everything about you—your place in my life has become a comforting presence that I cannot imagine without. In the short period of time we got to know each other, I learned more about you outside of the idol persona I was infatuated with then.”

As your drunken brain tries to process, your mouth parts open.

“I… I don’t get it, Sunwoo. What are you trying to say?”

With that, Sunwoo lets out a sigh as he closes his eyes and loosens his hold on your face. As you continue to stare at him, he has no idea what to say. It was silent for a moment.

“Chanhee and I talked to Jihoon. We’re trying to negotiate again with our CEO.” You were left in shock.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen but I’m trying to fix it, okay? Hyung just informed Soeun just today, and we’re trying. I don’t want to discuss the details now because I want you to be in a sober state to fully discuss it with you. But I just want you to know I’m doing everything possible to fix this. You do not deserve to be fucked over again—you deserve better,” Sunwoo continues.

The guy who betrayed you was doing all of this for you? It felt surreal that Sunwoo would go to these lengths to right this situation. Maybe it is because you thought that your relationship with him was built on nothing but shameless flirting, but he continues to prove you wrong—you’re so glad he does.

Before you could say anything, Sunwoo says, “I’ll see you when you’re sober, okay?” With that, he engulfs you in a hug.

And he whispers, “Y/N, I miss you. Just let me know when you’re ready to talk.”

With that, Sunwoo nuzzles his face into the top of your head. And before you know it, he gives you a small kiss on the crown of your forehead. Your eyes were closed as his lips linger. The warmth of his lips felt like a blanket you would wrap yourself with when the storm came. You could only wish it could remain like this.

He finally lets go of you and lets his hand hover over your cheek. As you looked up to the guy who had singlehandedly given you warmth and heartache over the weeks, you still wish nothing but happiness for him. It’s not that you lacked respect for yourself for what he did—it’s that Sunwoo still deserves all that is good in the world no matter what you may feel.

Sunwoo drops his hand back to his side and gives a small smile before he decides to walk away. As you stay rooted in place, you watch his figure become smaller as he continues to walk. But before you decide to go back into your house, Sunwoo looks back at you.

“I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. But I would never hold it against you if you couldn’t.”

It’s been a few days since your last encounter with Sunwoo. Currently, you were in your office going through your emails (which surprised Soeun—even yourself). As you were considering denying all of the requests from these different companies, Soeun continued to give you a rundown of what Jihoon told her regarding the negotiation process.

“Jihoon says that since the anticipated comeback day is coming closer, the situation works in our favor. He mentioned that they haven’t found the right producer to work on Chanhee and Sunwoo’s track. That means that with the tight schedule, their company may reconsider what you produced as the final track.”

You only let out a hum as you continue to scroll through countless emails.

“Hey, look at me,” She says as she snaps her fingers to grab your attention.

As your eyes rip away from the screen, you look at Soeun who had a frown on her face. Clearly, she knew something was up considering your behavior that night with Sunwoo.

“Y/N, I know you are an independent artist but you still need to be careful about what you do. You are a well-respected artist in the industry and we cannot do anything to risk that! Y/N, you are free to go drink out and whatnot but you can’t just drink in public alone! Imagine if people saw you, let alone see you get picked up by Sunwoo! Remember how Keeho and Intak were caught in the club? Or even Taehyun?”

You understood where Soeun was coming from because she is right. It was completely stupid on your end. It was bad enough that you had to sustain yourself as an independent artist. It would be even worse if the public commented on your irrational public drinking behavior.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

“I sure hope you know!” Her voice raises which you flinch at. Soeun notices the way you react and closes her eyes in an attempt to calm herself down.

“I’m… sorry for the way I’m reacting. Y/N, I know I’m going to work in IST soon enough, but I’m still your manager and friend. I’m trying to look out for you,” She says with her eyes open as she takes a seat in front of you.

“And in my attempt to look out for you, I want you to feel comfortable enough to tell me what’s on your mind.”

As she says those words, you lean your head back and look up at the ceiling. No matter how long you and Soeun have been together, you always found it hard to be vulnerable. It is not her fault but yours.

“Soeun, I don’t know. I’m just so lost in what I’m feeling and I–it’s all so confusing, you know? Like–oh my god, why is it so hard to vocalize my thoughts?” You let out a small laugh as you pick on your nails.

“It’s okay, take your time. You always know I’m here to listen, just say whatever comes to mind.”

So you talked, and it went on for hours. The best thing about talking to Soeun is that you always felt understood by her from how she responds to how she reacts. There really is no friend like Soeun—one who is willing to go to all lengths for your happiness and safety.

“Y/N, would you ever find it within yourself to forgive him? I mean, I don’t think I would,” She says, which makes you chuckle.

“The weirdest thing is that I would have never forgiven anyone for that. I mean, I opened up to Sunwoo about my own trauma only for him to completely disregard it.”

And it is true. Sunwoo should not deserve your forgiveness—just like how JYP Entertainment, Stone Entertainment, and IST Entertainment do not deserve it as well. To be treated as a tool that people can use at their own will to only benefit themselves is something no one should ever experience. You decided that you do deserve to be respected. So why do you find it in your heart to want to forgive him?

“I just find it crazy that I cannot bring myself to forgive these entertainment companies but for Sunwoo, I would. Call me infatuated or too up into my delusions, but all the days I’ve spent with him have only shown me a guy with a heart of gold and pure intentions to not only protect but to love immensely. Like, that’s just the type of guy he is! And this comes from someone who is always cynical about men.”

Soeun laughs, caresses your hand, and says, “No, you’re right. I’ve known you for how long and I have never seen you actually consider forgiving a man just like that.”

As you looked down at your intertwined hands, you could only sigh.

“Soeun, am I wrong for wanting to forgive him?” You ask as you look up to her.

With that, silence enters the room. As you wait for Soeun’s answer, anxiety starts to pool in your stomach. You did not want to come off as easy for wanting to forgive the guy who brought joy and sorrow within the past weeks.

“Y/N, wanting to forgive shows just how strong you are. Many people may disagree and say that you’re in the wrong for wanting to forgive him, but I believe that it just shows more of the Y/N I know. You’ve been wronged by so many people but I never see you use that as an excuse to treat people shitty, and that’s what I love about you. That’s why I always say you need to be kinder to yourself and give yourself more credit for all that you do.”

You felt yourself pout at what Soeun said. “Soeun, you’re going to make me sad!” She only laughs.

“I’m right though! I think even your fans would think the same, and I’m sure Sunwoo does.”

You press your tongue against the inside of your cheek as you think about her words. Instead of saying anything, you let go of Soeun’s hand and grab your phone. Once you typed out your message, you gave it one more read and sent it.

It is 2:36 PM. You were seated in one of your favorite cafes that you would frequent back when you were still in 1CON. As you take a sip from your cup of earl grey tea, you scroll aimlessly through your Instagram.

“Y/N-ah!” You look up to see Jiwoo and Heejin whose smiles lit up the whole room.

Whenever you feel lost, you always find yourself going to these two. They were the ones you relied on the most back in your Produce 101 and 1CON days. Maybe it was due to being in the same unit groups during the competition or being roommates when you were still in 1CON that made you three grow closer. Nonetheless, you were happy that your friendship with them continues to last past disbandment.

“Heejin and Jiwoo! Thank you for meeting with me,” You say as you stand up and give the two a hug.

“Heejin-ah, I’ll get us our drinks. You stay with Y/N,” Jiwoo says as she makes her way to the cashier.

“Y/N, I have a feeling that I know why you called us,” Heejin says with a small smile as you two take a seat.

“Yeah, shocker,” You joke in hopes to lighten up the mood.

“Don’t worry about it. I get it, men truly are something.”

“They really are! I can’t believe I’m letting a man do this to me.”

Before Heejin can respond, Jiwoo comes to you two with some drinks and pastries.

“Here you go, Heejin! Let me just settle down and you can spill on Sunwoo,” She says excitedly which makes you chuckle.

With that, you explain to the two your whole situation with Sunwoo from the start to current. As you talked about the close proximity and all the other actions that transpired between you two, you could see Heejin and Jiwoo squeal.

“Yah! I never knew that all of this happened between you two! You downplay it or leave out so many details in your messages,” Jiwoo scolds you.

“I know, my bad. It’s just, it still feels weird to think that this all happened. But going back, my dilemma still remains. I don’t know what to feel about Sunwoo.”

Heejin scoffs and says, “Do you really not know what to feel about him or are you seeking some kind of external validation?”

“Hey! I mean, I’m both?” You shyly admit.

At first, Heejin and Jiwoo look at each other. A part of you had a feeling that they came prepared with whatever they wanted to say beforehand. With that, they look at you and give you a piece of their minds.

“Y/N, you should just talk to him,” Jiwoo starts off.

“I think it’s all hard to say whether you should forgive him or not if you don’t actually hear him out, you know?” Heejin takes a sip from her cold brew. “And I know that you’re the type of person who wants to come to these situations with a clear understanding of what to do, but it’s not fair for him. In no way am I trying to defend this guy’s actions because it is still pretty shitty and I would scold him. However, I think that your decision to forgive him or not will only be clearer if you talk to him.”

“I agree. If you come in there with a clear and strict decision of forgiving him or not means you don’t want to hear what he has to say. Plus, I do think it’s good on his end that he’s trying to make up for his behavior by trying to negotiate with his own agency. Everyone knows how hard it is for idols to stand up against their own companies—we would know out of all people would know,” Jiwoo points out.

Both of them made sense in what they were saying. If anything, you were starting to understand how important it is to have a talk with Sunwoo.

“So, I’m not wrong for wanting to forgive him?” You ask as you seek validation.

Jiwoo sighs. “You’re not wrong for wanting to hear him out. To hear out the person who betrayed you in hopes to understand and possibly forgive them speaks so much of your character, Y/N.”

“You know, you really are too good for this world. In other instances, I would have told you to ghost this guy and go on with your life.” You laugh at Heejin’s words. “Yet, the way you talk about Sunwoo and all the good things he’s done for you makes me hope that it all goes out well. You’re the one person I trust when it comes to forgiveness—you know that you deserve respect. Of course, you still need to work on acknowledging your achievements,” Heejin continues making you gasp.

“Hey! Soeun won’t get off my back on that, you know?”

“Yeah because it’s true and something you need to focus on,” Jiwoo argues and smacks your arm.

“You work too much!” Heejin exclaims.

“Heejin, I have to work or I’m going to be broke. Being an independent artist is hard,” You point out.

“We get it. I mean, you’re talking to us out of all people!”

Your group bursts into giggles. It is crazy to think that you three had to undergo mistreatment that scarred your lives. In no way was it right but it is something you three trauma bond over.

“So, what are you going to do?” Jiwoo finally asks.

Instead of answering, you grab your phone and message the man who you needed to hear from.

Sunwoo was not focused during his dance practice. If anything, he has been unfocused since you first stormed out of the building that one day. Of course, he tried to do anything that would help him get his mind on track. However, with the comeback date approaching and no clear future for his and Chanhee’s track, he has been stressed out. It did not help that he missed your presence the most.

“Yo, Sunwoo? You good?” Kevin snaps Sunwoo out of his trance.

“Huh? Oh yeah, sorry.”

Everyone in the group knew that Sunwoo was not his usual self. With the stress of the comeback and his argument with you, many of the members noticed how scatterbrained he has been. Although Chanhee and Changmin made an attempt to talk to him about it, he always shut them down. This is why when Sunwoo approached Chanhee with the idea of talking to Jihoon, Chanhee was shocked about his best friend talking about you after so long.

Jihoon says that he is getting close to sealing the deal with Mr. Yoon. However, he requested to have a meeting with Sunwoo and Chanhee to hear the request from them. With the meeting happening in three days, Sunwoo found himself ridden with anxiety.

There are so many ways in which the meeting could play out; Mr. Yoon easily agrees with their negotiation and has Y/N’s work as the final track; he denies the request and pushes back the unit song for the next comeback instead; or, Sunwoo could lose his job. Everything about this situation stressed him out, but he knew that it was something that needed to be done.

“Okay everyone, let’s stay focused. We have so many segments to fix on,” Sangyeon calls everyone’s attention.

“Sangyeon’s right. Sunwoo, we really need your help here,” Changmin hated to say that to his best friend knowing fully well of the situation, but the time constraints were putting pressure on everyone.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry everyone,” Sunwoo apologizes as he rubs his eyes in frustration.

“Hey, let’s cut some slack for Sunwoo. He’s going through a lot,” Eric attempts to defend his best friend.

“Yeah, but if we don’t show Jihoon hyung anything good, we’ll be scolded,” Hyunjae explains.

“But you guys know that Sunwoo hasn’t been sleeping well since his fight with Y/N,” Chanhee chimes in.

“I know that, but remember when we delivered a bad performance to Sunghoon?” Juyeon shares which made the chatter stop.

The mention of their old manager brings the group into silence. Everyone’s experiences were different, but all would agree Sunghoon has single-handedly traumatized the members. Through insults, invasion of privacy, and gaslighting, many members of the group felt unsafe with him.

“Hey, don’t think about him. We’re safe now, okay?” Sangyeon says before anyone could continue spiraling down into memory lane.

“I’m sure Jihoon hyung will understand, but we still need to present something that would fulfill the standards of the company,” He continues as he stretches his shoulder.

Before anyone could say anything, the door of the practice room opens and reveals Jihoon and Jongseob, their choreography teacher.

“Speak of the devil! We were just talking about you, hyung,” Kevin exclaims with a smile on his face.

“Oh, talking about me? I hope you’re not planning to find a way to sneak out of the dorm again,” Jihoon jokes.

“To be fair, Hyunjae and Younghoon dragged us with them!” Jacob tries to defend him and Kevin while Jihoon only laughs.

“How’s the practice? I thought it would be good to leave you guys to work by yourselves,” Jongseob asks the group.

No one answers.

“I’m assuming that you’re still struggling.”

“Hyung, I think we’re getting stressed by the lack of time and progress,” Changmin pouts.

“And that’s why I’m here to help! Let’s try to refine up to the 2nd verse and work on the rest tomorrow, okay?” Jongseob asks which has the group scream out in happiness.

“Can I speak to Sunwoo first?” Jihoon asks.

Sunwoo only nods and walks out of the practice room with Jihoon. He continues to follow Jihoon until they reach an empty recording studio. Once the two entered, they made their way to the black couch that stood at the end of the room and sat down.

The thing is that Sunwoo is nervous. The name of Sunghoon being mentioned brought him memories he wished he could forget. So to be seated alone with Jihoon only rid him of anxiety.

Sunwoo did not have it in him to share what he went through with anyone. So when Y/N asked him back then what his experience is like with The Boyz, he purposely omitted it. It is not that he did not trust Y/N but more that it was hard for him to ever have to vocalize his own experiences with Sunghoon that almost pushed him to leave the group.

“Hey, Sunwoo? Are you okay?” Jihoon snaps Sunwoo out of his trance.

“What? I’m sorry. I’m okay, hyung,” Sunwoo says with a quick smile as a cover-up.

Jihoon only frowns and says, “Sunwoo-ah, I know you well enough to see that you’re upset about something. It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it but you don’t need to lie to me.”

Sunwoo shakes his head and lets out a sigh.

“I’m sorry, hyung. It’s just that I’ve been so lost with… everything, really,” Sunwoo attempts to joke as he lets out a chuckle.

“No, I get it. With what you’re going through with Y/N, the comeback date coming soon, and your upcoming meeting with Mr. Yoon, I would be surprised if you weren’t stressed.”

“Yeah but… I’m trying to deal with it.”

“And you know that you don’t have to deal with it alone, right?” Jihoon is only met with silence.

“Sunwoo, you are a very talented guy whose charisma manages to bring up everyone’s mood. You somehow–no wait, you are the life of the party for many and the shoulder to cry on for others. So you should know that whenever the burden is too hard to carry, you have people you can rely on—me, your members, Y/N even.”

Sunwoo only sighs as he plays with his hands. “I know, you’re right. I think it’s just weird to still be open about anything.”

“Hey, I understand. I mean, I get that it would be weird to be open with your manager but I always want you to know that I am not like Sunghoon,” Jihoon tries to make a point by holding onto Sunwoo’s hands.

“I’m sorry to bring his name up but I know the damage he’s inflicted upon you guys mentally and physically. Every day, I still see how his memory continues to live with you guys from the way you function during comeback season to the way you treat yourselves. So when I look at you now, I feel the need to reiterate it.”

Sunwoo cannot help but smile at Jihoon. One of the things that Sunwoo appreciates about Jihoon is that he has always been attentive to the needs of the group. From food cravings to fatigue levels, Jihoon always found ways to make sure every member was heard and understood.

“Thank you, Jihoon hyung. It means a lot. You do so much for us and I hope you know how much we appreciate you,” Sunwoo says, which earns a smile from Jihoon.

“I know that even if you guys tend to mess around or sneak out of the dorm every once in a while.” The two burst into laughter.

“Well, I just wanted you to know that. Now, the reason I called you here is to talk to you about more details about what to expect from the meeting.” Sunwoo nods. “Thankfully, Soeun and I discussed thoroughly the details and what might help with the negotiation pushing through. Thankfully, I will be in the meeting to help so you don’t have to worry too much. I do think you and Chanhee need to prepare a good and rational explanation as to why they should accept Y/N’s work as the final track and I can deal with all the technical details such as dates and whatnot. I’ll send you a proper message later tonight.”

Sunwoo nods firmly and shows Jihoon a smile. Before he could say anything, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. As he takes it out to see the notification, he is surprised to see a message from you. As he gasps, Jihoon could only guess what has Sunwoo in such a reaction.

“I am guessing that you have somewhere to be.” Sunwoo shoots Jihoon a smile and hugs him briefly.

“Thank you, hyung! I’ll see you later,” He says as he stands up and quickly makes his way to the door.

“Yah, don’t forget you need to be in the dorm by 9 PM latest!”

It is 4:21 PM. You were seated in the same cafe where you met up with Heejin and Jiwoo. You decided to get a chai latte to accompany your book. Although you tried to read the pages of Crying in H Mart, you could not keep your mind off of your upcoming meeting with Sunwoo.

You decide to grab your phone and look back at your conversation with Sunwoo.

y/n: are you free to meet?

zzoguri 🦝: of course! i can meet you around 4:30?

zzoguri 🦝: where should i meet you :]

y/n: there’s actually a cafe i frequent that’s near my place. it’s called milk and roasters

y/n: i can send you the google maps details if you need it

zzoguri 🦝: it’s okay i found it. i’ll see you :]]

As you continue to look down at the conversation that took place hours ago, you start to feel anxiety pool at the bottom of your stomach. Although you are the type of person who stands their ground and likes to hear people out, you cannot deny that you were the anxious type. Your tendency to overthink always brought you to hypothetical situations you never wanted to experience.

This is why you never noticed that Sunwoo entered the cafe as you continued to stare down at your phone.

“Hey.”

You felt yourself jump in your seat at Sunwoo’s sudden voice. As you look up at him, you notice a sheepish smile plastered on his face.

“Jesus! Sunwoo, you scared me.”

“To be fair, I wanted to see if you really were easy to scare like I’ve seen in the old 1CON vlogs,” He says as he takes a seat across from you.

“Oh god, you really watched those? I was such a baby then.”

“Of course I did! You were my number one pick—you still are.” You could only roll your eyes at Sunwoo.

“Plus, Haknyeon did mention you’re my celebrity crush,” He continues as he looks out the window.

You only giggle and say, “I can’t believe that getting me to work on your unit track was just a ploy for you to meet your celebrity crush.”

Sunwoo was about to protest but no words left his mouth. “Yeah, it really was.”

You try to hide the smile forming on your face by taking a sip of your chai latte (though you are not sure if you were blushing). Once you put your phone and book away, you look right at the boy seated across you.

“I’m ready to listen regarding the negotiation.”

Sunwoo lets out a sigh at first to prepare what he was going to say. Although he spent his time drafting a flow of what he would say on the way to you, he was scared that he would fuck this up.

“Ever since our, you know… fight, I’ve been trying to find a way to make this all right. I thought I could just apologize but I knew it wouldn’t be enough.” Sunwoo tongues the inside of his cheek. “I mean, I basically asked you to give your work as a demo despite knowing all the times your old companies didn’t credit you for your work—let alone properly pay you for it. That’s why I talked with Chanhee about negotiating again and he was open to the idea.”

“We eventually found ourselves talking to Jihoon hyung and one thing led to another. We’re trying to push for your work to be the final track for many reasons; there’s not enough time to outsource another producer who would deliver a track within the projected internal deadline; it would be impossible for me and Chanhee to squeeze in enough time to work with a new producer since we’re focused on our comeback performances; and it’s also not fair to you—above all reasons, that is the one that I find important to address.”

Sunwoo takes a deep breath. “Y/N, I’m sorry for ever asking you to do something that would only have you relive your trauma or create room for more disrespect directed towards you. When I looked back at our conversations about your time in JYP and Stone Music Entertainment, I only realized after our fight what I was asking you to do. You do not deserve to be forced to relive your trauma. So above everything, I’m sorry.”

You are silent for a moment as you process his words.

“Sunwoo, so why did you ask for me to accept the deal then?” He lets out a sigh at your question.

“I… don’t know,” He admits. “I know, that sounds so shitty but I really don’t know what was on my mind to push you into the deal. I think I wanted to believe that they wouldn’t make any significant changes to your work; I just wanted to rap to the song you produced,” He trails off.

“But also, I think a part of me was scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“I… I think I was scared of how Jihoon hyung and Mr. Yoon would react if you denied the deal. I–this isn’t about me, sorry. Just know that it was wrong on my end; I’m doing all that I can to fix this,” Sunwoo answers as he looks down at his crossed arms that rested on the table.

You do not know what came to you, but you found yourself reaching out to Sunwoo’s arm. As you rested your hand there, he looked up at you with eyes filled with guilt.

“Sunwoo, it’s okay. You can tell me—this is also about you as much as it is about me.”

At first, Sunwoo was hesitant to share with you something so traumatic and personal to him. He hates to vocalize any experience related to Sunghoon. Yet, the moment you showed your smile that filled him with warmth without fail, that is when he knew it was time to tell you.

“A part of me would think that I would have to carry the blame or the burden if you denied the deal,” Sunwoo starts off. “I felt as if I would have to be in charge to clean up the mess. I mean, I was the one who pushed for you to be the producer for the unit track. It made me think that if we didn’t get to use your work, I would need to do all the work once again. But most of all, I was scared that I would get scolded by the company.”

Sunwoo sighs. “Y/N, remember that conversation we had when we were at the convenience store? The one where you asked me what it’s like to be in The Boyz?” You only nod.

“I know I mentioned that the scolding was the worst of it all and… it’s because of what the group had to go through back then.” You found yourself slowly rubbing his arm in hopes to comfort him.

Sunwoo sucks in a breath.

“We had a manager before Jihoon; his name is Sunghoon. He was our manager back in our pre-debut to freshly debuted days. At first, Sunghoon was a great manager. I mean, he took care of us and defended us on most occasions. If anything, we trusted him so much with so many secrets.”

“But something flipped in him—or maybe he was just always a bad person and we never noticed. At first, he would manipulate us into thinking we were too fat or we lacked so much skill that it would cost our debut.” Sunwoo found himself shuddering at the memories. “At one point, I remember that he made Changmin believe that it would be impossible for him to improve in singing. Changmin took that to heart because he only had dancing. He knew that if he didn’t show any improvement, he would be kicked out of the group.”

Sunwoo closed his eyes. “I think one of the worst things I underwent is the physical and mental exhaustion he would subject me to.”

“Out of all the members, he expected me to be the perfect dancer—the one to get the choreography and perform it exquisitely within the first days of learning it.” Sunwoo shakes his head. “But for some reason, he made me believe that all the times I would slip up were the main reasons why I was holding the group back. Although the group tried to tell me that I was one of the best dancers and it was fine for me to make some mistakes, I started to believe that I was at fault if I wasn’t doing anything perfectly.”

“It started to reach a point where Sunghoon would force me to stay late in the practice rooms alone and he would force me to perform the same choreography until I got it perfectly. The other members said it was weird that only I was being subjected to that but the others had other mistreatments they were being put through; Haknyeon was put through inhumane diets; Juyeon and Changmin were forced to sing until their vocal cords would strain; Kevin and Jacob would not be allowed to talk to their family back in Canada; and so much more.”

The more Sunwoo shares his story, the more your heart would ache for him. It was not right that he had to go through such a traumatic experience in the same way that you should not have been discredited for your creative works. It is not right that so many trainees and idols are continuously subjected to mistreatment as if they are only tools for the success of these companies.

“No matter how many times Sangyeon tried to talk to Mr. Yoon, he would not believe us. And somehow, Sunghoon always found out whenever Sangyeon tried to talk. The–god, the physical abuse I had to see Sangyeon undergo was terrible. I think he had it worst out of all of us.” Sunwoo bites his lip.

You wish you knew what to say when you heard Sunwoo’s story, but his experience is something you do not think you had a place to comment on. All you could do is hold onto his arm—only caress him in a way that you wish could heal him of all wounds.

“Somehow, we managed to get our families involved. It was risky since we had no contact with them because of Sunghoon, but Hyunjae found a way. It only helped that some of us were still minors when we debuted. Mr. Yoon finally listened once our families got involved and we never saw Sunghoon again.”

“But the worst of it all is that no one knows what happened to us publicly. We weren’t allowed to talk about it outside of the group—even our families weren’t allowed.”

For a moment, silence comes to you two.

He sighs. “I don’t know what Sunghoon is doing now; many of us pressed charges against him but he quickly solved it. So while he continues to walk around, I’m here still picking up the pieces. I feel at fault for everything that doesn’t go the way we had planned out—just like how Sunghoon made me believe that any mistake I committed held back everyone.”

You do not say anything. In situations like these, you think it is best to just listen until the person speaking gives you a clear indication to talk.

As Sunwoo continues to look down at your hand that rested on his arm, he felt a sense of warmth fill him. And you least expect it when he grabs a hold of it and intertwines his fingers.

“Y/N, I want you to know that you do mean the world to me, and I’m sorry that I ever treated you like that.” His eyes are filled with guilt as he says those words. “But I feel even more sorry knowing that you started to doubt our friendship just because of my actions. So I meant every word I said that night when I brought you back home, and all others during the time we spent together,” He speaks as he draws circles with his thumb on the back of your hand.

It felt so nice to be cared for by Sunwoo—you could only imagine how it would feel to be loved by him.

“Sunwoo, I forgive you and I’m sorry you had to go through that.” You give him a small smile. “You don’t have to be sorry for ever keeping that memory to yourself; I would’ve done the same. Typically, people would just apologize or even go on with their days. You though… you went to such great lengths to fix all of this, and I’m forever thankful for you.” You take a look at your interwoven hands. “So I want to at least tell you… thank you for this, and I always want you to know I’m here for you every step of the way.”

Sunwoo cannot help but smile at your words. “You’re too good to me.”

“I think you’re talking about yourself,” You giggle.

Sunwoo was seated across from Mr. Yoon with Chanhee and Jihoon by his side. He still could not believe the day had come. He has had numerous discussions with Chanhee and Jihoon about what needs to be said. With the pressure of comeback day coming, the uncertainty of the NEWSUN track, and your overall happiness, he knew he had to do anything possible to have Mr. Yoon agree to the negotiation.

“Hello everyone. You have called this meeting to hold a negotiation regarding the NEWSUN unit song and to discuss our last encounter with Y/N,” Mr. Yoon starts off.

“Yes sir, I will have the boys speak first and I will present the technical data after,” Jihoon responds.

Chanhee sucks a breath in. “When Sunwoo and I were conceptualizing what we wanted from this track, we wanted to ensure a performance that captured our charms, capabilities, and message we wish to convey. It took months for us to truly decide on what type of song we wanted but we were always certain to have Y/N produce the final track from the start. It is our dream to work with them—let alone meet them. With that, both Sunwoo and I were happy to see the final product of the track that we believe fulfills the standards of the company, especially under the supervision of Jihoon hyung.”

“Although you wish to have Y/N’s work as a demo, both parties previously agreed to their work acting as the final track with only minimal edits if necessary. However, with them unaware of the change in the contract, we lost the perfect track to work with. With this, Chanhee and I agreed that it would be best to discuss with you on what can be done to proceed forward,” Sunwoo says.

Jihoon points his laptop screen to Mr. Yoon with the calendar showcased. “Sir, we have spent around a month working with Y/N as the producer as we were under the impression that their work would act as the final track. However, with your proposed changes of requesting a demo, it was impossible for the team to outsource enough producers willing to agree with the proposed internal deadline.

“Along with this, the group is now at the stage where they are heavily focused on refining their performance for the title track. With the time constraints, both Chanhee and Sunwoo may be unable to work with a new producer to create the track they envisioned. Lastly, it is important to point out that the company luckily got away with this as Y/N is an independent artist with not enough manpower to sue for a breach of contract. Still, it is not right that we amended the details of the contract and did not get a clear understanding of whether they were aware of the changes,” Jihoon continues.

“We ask for you to reconsider having Y/N’s work as the final track as it fulfills the vision of mine and Chanhee’s. Y/N is a well-respected artist in the industry whose tracks ensure success for the artists they work with. Through the number of sales and streams other artists have as seen here…” Jihoon shows a line graph. “... then we can hopefully predict similar results for the group as well.”

Sunwoo hesitates for a second as he gets a good look at Mr. Yoon whose facial expression never faltered. “My time working with Y/N has improved me as an artist as I got to learn from them. Not only that but I believe they are a well-respected partner that the company could keep close contact with. But above everything, Y/N does not deserve the treatment we subjected them to. If anything, it is an honor that we got to work with them.”

Sunwoo takes a second to breathe. “Both Y/N and I have grown closer during our time working, and I would hate to disrespect an artist and friend like them.”

For a moment, the CEO only looks at the three people who sat across from him. Sunwoo knew that Mr. Yoon could do anything he wanted and that they would have no absolute say in it. But for once, he was clinging onto that string of hope that maybe their company has changed and learned to listen to their artists.

“Okay.”

It took a bit for Chanhee, Sunwoo, and Jihoon to register what Mr. Yoon said. However, when he nodded, a smile showed on their faces.

“You are right, Y/N is a well-respected artist who we must keep in close contact with. With the time constraints, I cannot risk pushing back the unit track any further as the marketing materials have already been made. And Jihoon is right, I am lucky enough to have gotten away with this but it doesn’t make it right.” Mr. Yoon sucks a breath in. “So you are right, and I’m sorry for not listening to you. Jihoon, please send an email to Y/N’s manager. Hopefully, they would still allow us to use their work as the final track,” He orders Jihoon.

“Now, get back to work. You better deliver good results for this comeback.”

It is 3:23 PM. You were at home enjoying a bag of chips as you watched The Uncanny Counter on Netflix. Soeun had an emergency to attend to which is why you decided that today would be a good day to not do anything. As you were sprawled over the sofa, you watched So Moon and Do Hana interact on screen.

“Sejeong is so pretty,” You muttered to no one as you continued to snack away.

While you were invested in the show, you were surprised to hear the doorbell ring. You frowned to yourself as you got off the couch. Once you make your way to the front door, you take a look into the peephole to see Sunwoo.

“Shit!” You exclaim quietly as you look down at your clothes; a grey oversized RJ of BT21 shirt and blue checkered shorts.

You can hear Sunwoo’s snicker from the other side of the door.

“Yah, Y/N! I can hear you, let me in.”

“Sunwoo, I am not dressed up!”

“It’s okay, just let me in,” He knocks on the door.

As you get annoyed with his knocks, you give in and swing the door open. A smiley Sunwoo appears by your doorstep (though you did notice his smile getting wider when he saw what you were wearing). You frown at him and take a step to the side to let him in.

You close the door and say, “I did not expect to see you today.”

“Well, I’m here. I just had my meeting with Mr. Yoon.” You felt your lips part open as anxiety started to creep in.

“Oh my god, I thought it would take some more meetings.” For a moment, you felt yourself panic over what news Sunwoo may have brought into the household.

However, Sunwoo still had that stupid smile on his face (something you still greatly love and despise). And you are left shocked by what leaves his mouth. “I sealed the deal. Y/N, your work is now officially the final track of mine and Chanhee’s unit song!”

As soon as he shared the news, you felt yourself jump in happiness and hug Sunwoo. At first, Sunwoo was stiff as he was not expecting you to hug him so suddenly. But the moment you hugged him tighter is when he let himself melt into the hug. His arms went to wrap around your waist and lifted you off the ground slightly.

“Sunwoo, I can’t believe it! You did it!”

Although the negotiation seemed more about you, you believed it to be for Sunwoo. Ever since he told you his story in the cafe a few days ago, you were worried about him confronting his boss. You did not want him to do anything that would ultimately risk his career. And yet, here he stood before you, victorious than ever.

With your arms still wrapped around him and his with yours, you decided to lean a bit backward to look at him properly. “You managed to get the track! Now, you and Chanhee can say that you fulfilled your number one wish.”

Sunwoo chuckles as he looks directly back at you.

“Yeah, I guess so. But Y/N, that’s not my number one wish.” You let out a gasp.

“Kim Sunwoo, you’re saying that working with me is not your number one wish? After Haknyeon had to tell me that I was your celebrity crush?”

Sunwoo rolls his eyes. “How many times do I have to say that you are my celebrity crush?” You only frown at him.

“Haha, stop with the lies.” He shakes his head.

“Well, you better be happy you at least got to get that wish fulfilled—whatever your number one wish may be,” You mutter the last half bitterly which only makes him laugh.

You let go of him and make your way back to the couch in your living room. As you moved aside your bag of chips, Sunwoo took a seat beside you.

“Hey, you don’t want to celebrate this win?” You let out a hum as you were thinking over his question.

“Shouldn’t we be celebrating with Chanhee then?”

“Chanhee has something else he needs to attend to,” He says only for you to pout.

“I miss that guy, you know?”

“Well, we can try to celebrate with him on another day.”

You nod. “Well, what do you have in mind?”

“Honestly, I can only think of eating out as an option.”

You started to think of what other things you and Sunwoo could do. “Oh! What about drinking?”

As you look at him excitedly, he only shakes his head with a small smile on his lips.

“No drinking? Why? Is it because it’s your comeback soon?” You ask.

“No, it isn’t that.”

“Well, what’s wrong with drinking? You hate drinking with me, do you?” You tease only for Sunwoo’s smile to get bigger as he shakes his head once more.

It takes him a moment to speak. “I don’t trust myself with alcohol when I’m around you.”

You felt your eyebrows furrow at the statement. With such an ambiguous statement, you were not sure what to make of he just said.

“Okay… well we can just eat out,” You say as you shut off the television screen.

“Alright.”

“But before anything,” You move closer to him and give him another hug. “Thank you again, and I’m so proud of you.”

It is 3:34 PM. You were in the backstage area where The Boyz will be having their comeback showcase. The group wished to extend an invitation to you to show their appreciation for having you work on Chanhee and Sunwoo’s track. As you tried to peek through the curtains, you noticed how big and spacious the stadium was.

“Y/N-ah, we have to move,” Soeun grabs your attention by tapping your soldier.

As she started to walk, you followed her closely. Every time staff members would pass by you, they would always greet you ecstatically. It still feels surreal that many people recognize you and respect you despite 1CON disbanding two years ago. No matter how washed-out of an artist you try to make yourself out to be, the love and regard you receive from many prove otherwise.

Soeun stops in front of a door that you are unfamiliar with. The moment she knocks, the door swings open to reveal Eric all dressed up in an oversized shirt, fishnets, and leather pants.

“Y/N! It’s so nice to see you here,” He says with a smile and takes a step to the side.

“I’ll see you later. I’m going to meet with Jihoon,” Soeun briefly says before leaving you.

As you take a step inside, you could see Hyunjae, Sangyeon, and Juyeon getting their makeup done. In contrast, Changmin, Chanhee, and Younghoon were busy playing around while Jacob, Haknyeon, and Kevin were on their phones showing each other TikTok videos. All of them were dressed up in clothing that would involve corsets, fishnets, leather, and more.

“Y/N! You’re here!” Haknyeon exclaims.

As everyone greeted you, you could only smile. “Hi everyone, I’m sorry I could not bring you guys anything to congratulate you on your comeback. However, I would like to treat you guys to dinner one day.”

“Ah, thank you! You really don’t need to,” Sangyeon responds.

“Please, I insist. I mean, you gave me an opportunity to participate in this album so it seems only right. I also got to make some new friends through this opportunity.”

Chanhee cannot help but smile. “Y/N, I still cannot believe that we got you to work on the NEWSUN track. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

“Will you be going to the afterparty later?” Kevin asks to which you nod.

Before you could say anything, you notice Sunwoo emerging from the back of the room dressed in a crop top with fishnets under and leather pants. For a moment, you feel your brain blank out at the sight of him (and his abs, though you hate to admit it). But the smile that shows up on his face when he sees you is something you could not help but feel so much warmth from.

“Y/N! I did not expect to see you here in our dressing room,” Sunwoo says as he walks closer to you.

Before you could say anything, he wraps his arms around you and gives you a hug. You felt shy at the sudden action, especially since his other members could see the interaction.

“You came to support me, didn’t you?” Sunwoo says cheekily with a wink to which you only roll your eyes.

“Sunwoo, can’t you just thank me for showing up?”

He only laughs and lets go of you. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“We also have a gift for you,” You spin to look at Juyeon who is not seated in his chair anymore.

You were surprised to see him bring out a signed album of theirs from behind him. “Wow, thank you!”

As he hands you the album, you closely inspect all the signatures on the cover of the album. You notice the smiley faces, the heart, and even a “Thank you, Korea’s Sweetheart Y/N <3” on it. You can only smile.

“If you look through the pages, you might actually find some doodles or notes from us,” Sunwoo shares as he looks over your shoulder.

As you skim through the pages, you can only giggle at the drawings that the members have left. “I hope you didn’t leave any of your drawings here, Sunwoo.”

“Hey, I can draw!” Sunwoo exclaims as you move your head to the side to be able to see him since your back was facing him.

“Whatever you say,” You smirk as you continue to flip through the pages.

Before Sunwoo could argue, Jihoon and Soeun enter the room.

“Ah, I see you’ve given Y/N the album. It would be good to take a picture of you all together and then Sunwoo, Y/N, and Chanhee.”

Everyone collectively agreed to take these photos so you all moved out of the dressing room to take a proper picture. Jihoon held his phone up as you and The Boyz repositioned for the photo. While half of them decided to crouch, the other half of them including yourself remained standing behind them. As you are pushed to the middle of Sunwoo and Changmin, you cannot help but hold the album up so it can be seen in the picture.

“You guys can get a little closer,” Jihoon calls out which has you all squeezing in.

“Perfect! I’ll be taking the picture now.”

“3…” You continued to hold up the album but felt Sunwoo nudging your side.

“2…” His arms start to snake across your waist.

“1…” And he brings you closer to him.

For a moment, you cannot hide the shock that appears on your face. But as you hear the shutter sounds, you quickly cover it up with a smile.

“There we go!” Jihoon says as he looks down at the photo.

“Can we just get Sunwoo, Chanhee, and Y/N?” Soeun asks those who are not part of the picture to step aside.

While Chanhee took his position beside you, Sunwoo’s arm never left your waist. You were hoping that you were not blushing hard enough for the members to notice—let alone Sunwoo. Though you could not help but look over at the other members who seemed to snicker at you two.

“Okay, 3…”

“2…” You felt Sunwoo rest his head on the side of yours.

“1…” All you can do is squint your eyes at his action.

The shutter sounds go off. “Y/N-ah, you’re so cute!” Soeun calls out.

Once you open your eyes, you can see Jihoon smiling in the pictures. “I’ll airdrop these to Soeun.”

“Can I see them?” Chanhee asks.

When Jihoon showed you three the photos, you could see your smile wide as ever and your eyes squinted as Sunwoo's head rested on yours. While Sunwoo opted for a wink, Chanhee chose to give a smile and a peace sign.

“Yah, Kim Sunwoo! Why do you and Y/N make me look like a third-wheeler?” Chanhee complained only for the others to laugh.

“So true, don’t leave out poor Chanhee,” Changmin jokes.

“Hey, I’m not!” Sunwoo tries to defend himself.

The group continues to argue but all you do is watch. The best thing about these guys is that you could really see their love for one another. No matter how many quarrels or (friendly) bullying they decided to put each other through, you knew how much they cared for one another.

“I hate to break the conversation but we really need you guys on stage in 10 minutes,” Jihoon points out.

As the group quickly made their way closer to the stage, Sunwoo stayed back for a bit.

“I will see you later, right? In the afterparty?” He quietly asks.

You nod. “Yeah, good luck.”

The moment you smile at Sunwoo, he feels himself smile as well. And somehow, he was quick enough to give you a kiss on the cheek. As you were left stunned in your place, he could only smile at your reaction.

“I’ll see you later.”

As he left you and made his way closer to the stage, you could not help but melt at the feeling.

“Y/N… did I really just see that?” Soeun asks as she tries to hold back a squeal.

Instead of replying to her, you quickly open the album and flipped through. In the pages, you saw notes from members that talked about some of their fondest memories with each other during the production of this album. You noticed doodles on different members’ faces and messages directed to you all around.

Once you reached the section that discussed the NEWSUN track, you saw messages from Chanhee and Sunwoo. Before you read Chanhee’s, you found your eyes focusing on what Sunwoo had to say:

Hi Y/N!

I still can’t believe that I got to meet my celebrity crush of how many years just because I asked for you to produce it. I want to say thank you for all the time we spent together when we prepared for this track. This track was already personal to me when Chanhee and I spent months figuring this out, but it became even more meaningful when we got you on it.

In the few days we worked together and the following weeks that came, I’ve learned to grow as an artist and as a person because of you. I’m so glad to have you in my life, and I’m thankful to have gotten to know you in all aspects you shared with me.

♥️ Your number one fan forever, Sunwoo

God, you really needed to know what to make of your relationship with Sunwoo.

The showcase was a success. You really enjoyed watching The Boyz not only perform but even interact with the fans. It kind of reminds you of all the other showcases you had with 1CON.

Now, you were being driven by Soeun to the location of the afterparty. You were typing away on your phone as you messaged Heejin and Jiwoo.

chuu chuu 🍎: oh my god y/n!! i thought you would ask what you guys really were before the showcase

heekki 🐰: yeah because didnt we agree on that?? what happened 🤔

y/n: well… i didnt LMFAO 😭 guys im so lost like i cant believe he just kissed me on the cheek infront of SOEUN!!!

heekki 🐰: that’s why you need to talk to him!!

heekki 🐰: it’s been so obvious he’s liked you since he met you

chuu chuu 🍎: i think him saying he can’t be trusted with alcohol when he’s with you just proves it too

chuu chuu 🍎: don’t forget the meaning of the song you worked on!!! remember!!!

heekki 🐰: omg he’s been hinting at their song when he said that? damn sunwoo 🤮 you are much smoother than i thought

y/n: STOP!!! okay i will talk to him i swear

“Y/N, we’re here,” Soeun says as she pulls up in front of the same building where you went to that one party with Sunwoo.

You exited the car and glanced back at Soeun. “I’ll see you later, maybe?”

Soeun only chuckles and says, “Yeah, unless Sunwoo decides that he wants to bring you home himself.”

“Soeun! Don’t say that!” You gasp at her comment only for her to laugh.

“Have fun!” With that, she drives off to wherever.

You continued to make your way into the building and tried to find the function room where the afterparty was being held. Thankfully, it was easy to find since you could hear songs from their newly released album being blasted through the walls.

Once you swung the door open, you saw staff members, idols that The Boyz is friends with, and others who are unfamiliar to you. You quickly made your way through the crowd of people in hopes to find anyone who could bring you to Sunwoo.

Before you could take another step, you felt someone grab on your wrist from behind. As you look back, you see Sunwoo dressed out of the crop top but in an open-button shirt with a tank top under.

“You really did come!” He says as loud as he could over the music that blasted.

“Of course I did, we need to celebrate your success.” He only shakes his head at your praise.

“Come on, I’ll bring you to the drinks–”

“Sunwoo, wait.” He stops pulling you in the direction where the bar is.

You suck a breath in. “Can we talk? Like maybe outside?”

For a moment, Sunwoo felt hesitant. His mind could only guess what the conversation may be about. With the way you look at him, he nodded and continued to walk in a different direction.

Eventually, you found yourselves by the outdoor area where you had a good view of the city lights and night sky. With his hand still holding onto your wrist, you continued to follow him to a green steel bench. The two of you sat down beside each other. As you tried to adjust your body to face him, you noticed that his hands have found themselves covering his ears. With that, you decided to rest your hand on top of his and bring it back down to his lap.

“Hey, it’s nothing bad,” You attempt to ease his anxieties.

Sunwoo sighs. “I’m sorry, I think it’s the nerves.”

You can only smile at him as you draw circles on the back of his hand with your thumb.

“Well, you’re at a party with me where there’s alcohol surrounding us,” You try to joke as you look down at your intertwined hands.

Sunwoo only chuckles. For a moment, silence comes to you two. As the wind comes in and rustles the leaves of the bushes, you are left to hear the sounds of nature (and the muffled sounds of The Boyz’s music) as you try to think of the words to say.

“Sunwoo, we’ve known each other for a while now. I mean, I originally agreed to work with you guys to see Soeun’s new workplace. I had to come to terms that she was going to resign from being my manager. But I think I found it within myself to accept it.”

In some way, your time working with Sunwoo helped you prepare for letting Soeun go as your manager. Somehow, you also found yourself getting accustomed to the feeling of working inside a company throughout all the times you and he would work.

“It’s just, I really was not expecting to gain a friend when I accepted the request, especially a close one. It’s weird because for all the other people I worked with, we’ve only been friendly to each other. But you, you actually took your time to really… know me in the same way I got to know you.”

“You listened, understood, and even comforted me when I needed it. I hope you know that I am thankful for all of that.” You smile. “That’s why above everything, I’m so glad I got to meet you and become friends with you in the process. I mean, you really did show me the pleasures of being your friend. Despite our fight, you always found a way to fix it all up.”

You sucked in a breath with your eyes downcasted. “But Sunwoo, with all the moments we shared, I don’t… even know what we are. The more time we spend with each other, the more boundaries keep getting crossed.”

And you finally let it out. “Sunwoo, what do you want from this—from us? I can’t just let you get away with all the flirting, the compliments, even the kisses.”

You hear Sunwoo chuckle which makes your eyes look up to him.

“It’s just funny when you mention kisses as if you didn’t leave me a kiss the night I brought you home.” You cannot help but let a giggle slip out.

“Okay, I’m at fault too. But I’m serious now—I don’t think I would’ve given you that… kiss if it weren’t for all the times you flirted with me.”

Sunwoo smiles as you whisper those last words. With his free hand, he reaches out to your face to caress your cheek. For a moment, he only looks at you with eyes full of adoration.

“Y/N, I like you and I want something with you.” He tucks your hair behind your ear. “For the longest time, you are the one celebrity crush who I followed closely. In your work, performances, and charisma in your Produce 101 & 1CON days, I always found myself admiring you and feeling supported by you. Even if you didn’t know me personally, I always felt as if you motivated me to keep going during my newly debuted days.”

“But when I finally got to work with you, that’s when I got to learn about you more outside of what I saw. In those moments, I realized that what started off as admiration had turned into something intimate and genuine.”

Sunwoo’s thumb draws patterns on your cheekbone. “Remember how I admitted to having a bigger dream other than collaborating with you?”

“Yeah, can’t believe I wasn’t your number one wish.”

“Well, you are.” You cannot help but smile at his words.

“For a long time, I think you’ve always felt like this unattainable wish to have. Yet, I worked so hard to be able to meet and work with you—the universe listened,” He whispers those last words as if he stored such beautiful phrases within him.

“I mean it when I never expected a genuine crush to develop within me when I got to know you more. I don’t want you to think that all of what I feel is based on the crush I had on you when I saw you on TV. No matter what, I never want you to doubt the feelings I have for you.” The moment Sunwoo smiles, you feel every limb of your body filled with warmth.

Before he could say any more, you felt your eyes flicker down to his lips. With him aware of that action, he held himself back from saying anything. His breath hitches at such a small action. As you feel yourself slowly lean in, you let your eyes flicker back up to his.

“Can I?” You whisper.

Instead of Sunwoo replying verbally, he closed the gap between you two. You wish there were words to describe what it feels like to kiss him. For now, you can only think of one word—overwhelmed.

There were so many emotions that came with the kiss; genuineness, joy, and desperation were to name a few. Sunwoo’s plump lips on yours were something you dreamt about late at night; you cannot believe that the dream came true. In the same he described you as an unattainable wish, kissing him felt the same as well. As you feel yourself get stuck in a daze with the kiss, you break it off and rest your forehead against his.

“... Wow.” You felt your heart hammer in your chest as you processed what just happened between you two.

“Was that okay?” He whispers with his eyes still on you.

You take a deep breath. “It was more than okay. I just–I felt so overwhelmed.”

“We can take it down a notch if you would want.”

“No!” You said a little too quickly which made him grin.

“No?” He mocks you.

You scoff. “Just shut up.” And you brought his lips back on yours.

With your lips interlocked for the second time, you cannot help but wrap your arms around his neck. It is as if there is some carnal desire within you to be as close to him as possible. Nothing is on your mind except for Sunwoo; his smile; his heart of gold; his ability to make you smile; his lips. You feel Sunwoo start to smile in the kiss which has you parting ways.

“God, Y/N—I didn’t know you wanted me that bad.”

You frown at him. “As if you don’t want me too, Mr. “I have always had a crush on you” like…” Despite your words, you cannot help the smile that threatens to show itself on your lips.

“Yeah, I do want you,” Sunwoo says so casually as if he did not know the effect his words had.

You feel yourself blush. “You know, you say that shit so easily to me that a part of me started to believe that this was just your way of being friendly and that I was looking too much into it—though many people did keep saying you were hitting on me. Do you do this with others you work with?”

“You talked about me to other people?”

“That’s what you got from what I said?”

Sunwoo lets out a laugh. “I was hitting on you. To be honest, I was doing it since I first met you but I think everything started to feel genuine during our first time in the convenience store. I mean, that’s when I got to actually know you but I’ll never really know when I first started liking you that way. All I know now is that I like you now, no matter if you were in 1CON or not.” He smiles. “And no, I usually think I don’t pay attention much to others the same way I do with you.”

The great thing about Sunwoo is that he always tries to soothe your doubts. Somehow, the universe gave you someone who likes you for all that you are. You two had your own baggage that you guys brought to the relationship, but you knew that anything felt possible as long as he was there.

“Now, what did you tell others about me?”

“Can you not?”

“You know I can’t. I like knowing how much you like me.”

It is 1:47 PM. You were dressed up in semi-formal attire appropriate for meetings. As you held your iPad close to your chest, you felt your palms getting sweaty and your heartbeat booms loud in your ears. The last time you were this nervous was when you were waiting for the final line-up results for 1CON.

“Y/N?” The secretary called out your name.

As you shot up from your seat, the secretary pointed to a door. “You can enter now.”

Once you made your way to the door, you felt yourself take a moment to breathe. The nerves were getting the best of you, but you knew that now is not the time to ruin your chances. You swung the door open and were greeted by Song Jooyoung and Choi Kyusung—the members of Black Eyed Pilseung and CEOs of High-Up Entertainment.

“Ah, Y/N! It is so nice to meet you once again,” Mr. Song says as he gets up from his chair to shake your hand.

“Ah, Mr. Song and Mr. Choi, it is a pleasure to see you once more.” Once Mr. Song took a seat, you sat in the chair across the two.

“I guess it is only right to first say that we were pleasantly surprised to see you when we opened auditions. It’s not all the time that you see Korea’s sweetheart wanting to audition for your company,” Mr. Choi says.

You smile at the two. “You’ve certainly improved since 1CON disbanded. Not only have you been producing music for yourself and artists but your vocals and movements have certainly grown over the years. When you weren’t signed, were you actively practicing?”

“Actually, I think I’ve been slacking when it comes to dancing. It was really me, my old manager, and two colleagues that really helped in making sure I would still be relevant in the industry.” You admit to Mr. Song.

“I mean, we can only imagine. It must have been a difficult experience,” Mr. Song says.

You let out a sigh. “It’s… definitely an experience. I think I learned a lot from this.”

“Well, you will have all the time to tell us about it later on. We evaluated your audition along with your recent works over the past two years,” Mr. Choi starts off. “After careful consideration, both Jooyoung and I agreed that you would be perfect for High-Up Entertainment. With your current skill set, we believe we can help you further hone these in hopes that you can reach your true potential.”

“Here in High-Up, we believe in the importance of artistic freedom. Not only will you be able to share your aspirations and dreams with us but we will guide you all throughout the process. Rest assured, you will not be alone—it is important to us that our artists can speak of what they wish to pursue,” Mr. Song says.

“Y/N, we know how difficult you’ve had it in the industry as an independent artist. Most of the time, you are criticized or praised for choosing to work on your own.” Mr. Choi takes a deep breath. “But we want to make sure that you know that we are here to support you every step of the way. You won’t have to work alone anymore.”

You feel yourself smile at the news. It means a lot to you for Mr. Choi and Mr. Song to say those words. After being subjected to mistreatment by different companies and being pushed under the spotlight for everyone to comment on everything you do, it warmed your heart to know that there are people who do care.

Not everyone is wishing on your downfall, and not everyone wants to treat you like a tool. Over the course of time, you realized that some people want to see you succeed.

“Thank you so much for having me,” You say as you bow your head.

“Before we officially sign you into the company, we will briefly discuss the terms of your contract. We will be sending it to your email right now,” Mr. Choi says as he types away on his laptop.

“Are you free to go over it? Don’t worry, we won’t pressure you to sign it right away. After all, we want you to have enough time to carefully deliberate.”

Instead of verbally answering Mr. Song, you opted for a nod.

“Alright, let’s get started.”

“Soeun, I got in!” You exclaim as you were seated on the bus going back to your place.

“Oh my god, I’m so happy for you! And you’re under the care of Black Eyed Pilseung.”

“Don’t worry, I haven’t signed the contract.”

You hear Soeun let out a sigh of relief. “Oh thank god, Y/N. Please let me look through it tonight and I’ll email you back.” You chuckle at her reaction.

“Of course. I’ll be sending the original and revised contracts your way. It’s funny how you’re still looking out for me even if you work in IST now.”

“I’ll always look out for you.” You smile at Soeun’s reply.

It’s been four months since Soeun officially resigned from being your manager. During those four months, you did not accept any offers for any collaborations. You knew that it would make your life complicated if you entertained any offers without any manager present. Instead, you focused on creating more tracks for yourself and scouting a company that you felt is worth trusting.

The bus was nearing your stop. As you got off your seat, you waited for the doors to open.

“Thank you, Soeun. I mean, you’ve done so much for me,” You say as you finally step out of the bus.

“Hey, I hope you’re still not beating yourself up over the fact I left JYP Entertainment with you. That was my decision, you know?” Soeun said as you were walking back to your place.

You let out a sigh. “I know, but it was hard to just be… okay with it. But I hope you're enjoying what you do in IST.”

“I actually am. I’ve been helping out Jihoon often with The Boyz and handling some of the trainees. You know, Jihoon was not lying when he said The Boyz are really… boys.” You let out a laugh at Soeun’s sharing.

“C’mon, it’s a group of like 11 guys. You must have at least expected it.”

Soeun groans. “I know. Thankfully, they’re nice and fun to be with most of the time. Though they can get out of hand.” You can only laugh.

You finally reached your place and tried to fish out your keys. “Hey, I’ll call you back. I just got back to my place. I’ll send you the documents later.”

“No worries! Take care and love you!”

“Love you Soeun! Thank you again.” Once she hangs up, you successfully retrieve your keys and unlock the door.

As you entered your home, you closed the door behind you. “I’m home!”

“Welcome back!” Sunwoo says as he comes from the kitchen dressed up in a sweater and checkered sleep pants.

You and Sunwoo have been together since you confronted him the night of his showcase. Most times, you found yourselves staying at your place since Sunwoo shares a dorm with Chanhee, Changmin, and Younghoon. During the past months, Sunwoo has been with you during this weird unemployment but self-discovery period. Never was he ever condescending to you, and you needed that desperately.

“Hey, you,” You say once Sunwoo pecks you on the lips.

“You know, you still look so good in that outfit.”

You chuckle as he looks at you from top to bottom. “I know Sunwoo, you said that when you saw me getting ready.”

“Yeah, but…” Sunwoo gives you one more kiss. “I just want to remind you.”

“Well, thank you. I like those pants on you.”

“You like it more when it’s off.”

You roll your eyes. “Point taken.”

As you made your way to the living room, Sunwoo followed closely behind you. The two of you took a seat on the couch.

“So… how did the meeting go?” Sunwoo finally asks.

You smile at him. “I got in!”

“Really? Y/N, that’s huge!” He says as he brings you into an embrace.

“I know! It’s crazy that I might be working under Black Eyed Pilseung.” You giggle at his reaction.

He gives you a kiss on the forehead. “I’m so proud of you. I never doubted you.”

“Yeah. During all the times I was panicking, you were always there to keep me at ease,” You murmur as you nuzzle your face into his neck.

“Though, I need to go through the contract again with Soeun. Wanna go through it with me tonight?”

“Of course, I’d do anything for you,” Sunwoo says as kisses your cheek.

You feel yourself smile at his words. He never fails to comfort you with words that feel as if they came out of a poet (though you could consider him a poet with how many lyrics he has written).

“I know you do, and I’d do anything for you too,” You say as you look up at him.

“Yeah, you let me stay in your home even when you’re not around.”

You roll your eyes. “Sunwoo, you practically live here at this point considering all the times you’ve slept over.”

“You don’t want me over?” He pouts.

“You know I do.” You look away from him only to be greeted with more kisses all over your face.

“Of course I do!” He teases as you groan playfully at his kisses.

“Sunwoo! You’re so obsessed with me.” He laughs and gives you one more kiss on the lips.

For a moment, you two look at each other with adoration. Nothing was said but it did not matter for all that needed to be uttered was shared in that moment.

“I love you,” Sunwoo whispers.

You feel your lips quiver at Sunwoo’s confession. Never did you ever expect yourself to be liked by someone in the way Sunwoo likes you.

“I love you too,” You say in response.

As you see Sunwoo smile at your words, you knew that your future would have him in it. At that moment, you knew how lucky you were to be loved by Sunwoo.

if you liked this, please take some time to like and reblog this!

#zzoguri feedbacks #of boundaries and secret glances (i'm lucky to be loved by you)#funnily enough #i was considering reviewing this fic and editing it #bc i wasnt sure if i still liked it #but thank u again <3

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gluion · 1 year ago

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AHHHHH DORA THANK UUU THANK U THANK UUU for ur sweet feedback 🥹🤲🏼 i always love it when you put like specific parts u want to remember bc it helps me know which really worked for you!!! this is so sweet thank u for loving them <3 i hope u enjoy part 3

[part two] of linked arms and bruised hearts (you are the reason i keep on going) ➵ ji changmin

non-idol!ji changmin x reader, slight non-idol!jacob bae x reader

genre/warnings ➵ friends to lovers, slow burn, so much FLUFF, afab reader (they/them pronouns), mentions of suggestive dreams, a lot of publication talk (sorry i am a writer), sunwoo is a STILL a shithead, a lot of sentimental talks between changmin and reader, so much platonic love in general!!, feelings are so weird, a lot of flashbacks, going back home for the winter break </3, too domestic (not for the faint of heart), if denial is a river in egypt then reader is SWIMMING in it, i'm afraid to say that reader is stupid (and can changmin just not hear?)

word count ➵ 27.7k words

parts ➵ check out the series masterlist

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @blankjournal @winterchimez @sungbeam @miusgirl @jenoscafe

a/n ➵ expect some crazy realizations to happen! anyway, it took me three weeks to deliver this?? crazy!! i expected to only post two parts but i don't think tumblr can handle 45k words in one post </3 along with that, i wanted to get this out before i officially enter my 3rd year in uni!!! please expect for the third part to be delivered a little later since i need to prioritize my academics and newspaper work (and possibly another oneshot involving a kim sunwoo... oops?) hope you enjoy the CRAZY slow burn my lovelies. i would really appreciate it if you could take the time to like and reblog this post and the other parts!

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! main masterlist

Since Changmin had dreamt about you, he found himself unable to talk to you. Everything reminded him of you; the songs he would listen to on the way to school which you introduced him to; the cafe he would spend his free time in where you two usually studied; even phrases he would hear people say that you tend to frequent when speaking. It did not help that you were somewhat blowing up the group chat more than usual.

With all these reminders of you, Changmin always found his mind drifting back to the view of you in his dream. He has never seen you as a potential crush—let alone found you attractive. After all, he knew you when you first wore boxy glasses and cringe graphic tees (to which you donated).

You were never someone he desired. And yet, when you straddled him and said his name as if it were laced with nectar, you never left his mind. The imaginary tension between you two made him weak to the knees. And just from the fictional distance of your face from his, he could feel his breath hitch at the scenario constantly playing out in his head. That dream only pushed him to face thoughts he was not willing to entertain.

Over the days, you two have not been able to hang out. While he was trying to find ways to avoid you, you understood it as him being busy with his other obligations. That is until you spot him on campus.

Done with his last class for the day, Changmin exits the building with his eyes locked on the bus stop—his one ticket back home. He only cared to be snuggled into his sheets that were newly washed and fall into the shackles of a nap. That is until he hears someone call out his name.

As he looks for the source, his eyes land on you who is seated on one of the picnic tables with your laptop out. The moment you shoot him a smile, flashes of his dream play out; the way his name rolls off your tongue; the sensation of your breath that hovers over his lips; the legs that caged him in place. And suddenly, all he could do was point his thumb in the direction of the athletics center before he bolted. He could only hope that you do not cross paths with anyone from the dance team.

Clearly bummed out about not being able to spend some time with your best friend before your night class, you let out a sigh. You understood that he had a dance practice to worry about. With the way he seemed frazzled, it made sense that he was rushing to meet his team on time. That is until you are surprised by Sunwoo’s appearance at your table an hour later.

“Yo!” He greets you before taking a seat across from you, a bottle of green juice in his hands. “What are you up to?”

With a frown on your face, you ask, “Don’t you guys have practice?”

You are greeted by your best friend’s confused face before he brings out his phone. “I do?” He asks himself as he scrolls through it.

“Yeah, I saw Changmin like an hour ago and he seemed like he was rushing to the athletics center,” you sigh as you fix the document’s format that had your notes for the next class. “Unless I understood him wrong. I don’t even know, he kind of pointed somewhere and disappeared.”

Sunwoo hums as he types away on his phone. As he scratches the back of his head, you notice his expression shift into an all-knowing one. “Oh, it’s just for him and some other members. I think they’re just practicing a certain segment,” he shares before stowing his phone away.

“Anyway, I just remembered I have some work to catch up on so I’ll see you tomorrow or whenever!” And the next thing you know, your best friend left as quickly as he came. You stare at Sunwoo’s figure which continued to get smaller before he was out of sight. Before you could think much of his odd behavior, you were hit with the reality that you needed to attend class.

“Okay, you need to fess up on why you’re avoiding Y/N,” Sunwoo says as he enters Changmin’s room with a small yawn following.

Currently, Changmin is rolled up in his sheets as he scrolls through YouTube shorts on his phone. The sudden appearance of his best friend only made him frown. He did not expect to have Sunwoo pester him today, but he remembers the conversation he had with him through text not too long ago.

zzoguri 🦝: are u at the dance studio? zzoguri 🦝: did coach change the plans? i thought today was our break qramzi 🐿️: yea there’s no practice zzoguri 🦝: okay so why did y/n just say you went to practice? qramzi 🐿️: i don’t want to talk about it zzoguri 🦝: spill or i tell them qramzi 🐿️: yah! can’t i have my own secrets? zzoguri 🦝: you can have secrets but i don’t know why you’re lying to y/n qramzi 🐿️: ugh fine qramzi 🐿️: i’ll tell you when i see you

“Sunwoo, couldn’t this wait until tomorrow?” Changmin groans before shooting his friend a glare. Sunwoo plops on his bed while he still wears his outside clothes, making him even more furious. “Yah, Kim Sunwoo! I just washed these sheets.”

He only shrugs and says, “Okay, that doesn’t matter. Now, tell me!” Changmin sighs over his best friend’s persistence.

Fully aware that Sunwoo was not planning to leave any time soon, he found himself pausing the shorts. He sat up and bit the inside of the cheek.

Out of all the people he had to talk to about this dilemma with you, he did not feel comfortable revealing it to Sunwoo—the one person who knew you inside and out. Who could blame him? Having to talk about his dream about you to your best friend since grade school put him in a spot where he was seriously debating on which situation is better: this or being eaten whole by a shark?

That is until Chanhee walks into the room with his eyes on his phone. “Changmin-ah, there’s this–oh, Sunwoo! You’re here.” His eyebrows shoot up at the sight. “Did I interrupt something?”

His appearance is only to be taken as a gift from the universe. With a victorious smile playing on Changmin’s lips, he shrugs before saying, “No, I was just telling Sunwoo that I’d see him tomorrow.”

But the man was not going to make this easy for him. “He’s avoiding Y/N.” As soon as those words leave his best friend’s (read: traitor for life’s) mouth, Chanhee gasps as he stares Changmin down.

“What?! Why?!” He says as he takes a seat on the bed. Sunwoo shrugs and points at the guy who was constantly dodging their questions.

Now under the scrutiny of his two best friends, Changmin had no choice but to answer. His hands seemed bound even if no visible ropes were holding them down. He scratches the back of his neck and says, “Just, don’t judge me. And don’t tell Y/N.” The two only give him a look as if he stated the obvious.

Changmin knew he could trust these two with any secret and trouble he faced. In the times he desperately needed to talk about stuff that should never concern you, he always found himself talking to them. However, them seeing his reluctance had them worried about what might have gone down between you and him.

“It’s just… this dream; it felt so real for a second,” he starts as he plays with the loose ends of his blanket.

And not even a second passes when Chanhee exclaims the words, “Oh my god, did you have a sex dream about Y/N?!” He eyes him up and down.

“W-what? No!”

“Oh, I see why you’ve been avoiding them,” Sunwoo chuckles, ignoring his best friend’s protests.

He grows frustrated as the two continue to jump into assumptions. “No, that’s not it! Won’t you let me finish?!” As soon as the two pipe down, he lets out a sigh.

“Nothing happened like that. We just… almost kissed,” he whispers those last words. This icky feeling he can only think of as shame starts to take over his limbs. But when hears a laugh leave Chanhee’s mouth, he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Almost?” Chanhee smacks Changmin’s arm. “Then why are you so tense? If nothing happened, then it shouldn’t be something to worry about.”

Sunwoo shakes his head before sharing his two cents. Clearly, he wanted to play the shithead in a situation like this (like he always does).“No way, I’m starting to think Changmin is developing a crush on Y/N.” He gives the stressed-out boy a teasing smile. “Aren’t you?”

“W-what?! No! I’m not, what the fuck?”

From his panicked answer, Chanhee shakes his head with a small smile on his face. “See, then it means nothing,” He attempts to calm the situation down as he stands up from the bed. “It’s normal to just have dreams like that. It won’t mean much unless you put meaning into it.”

His best friend is right; it is normal to have nonsensical dreams. Changmin has had dreams about outrageous events such as Gana (his pet poodle) learning how to talk, his sisters deciding to move back into the family home, and even coming face-to-face with his celebrity crush. These dreams are not always manifestations of what he desires—which is why he does not understand why he is still riled up about some dream where you two almost kissed.

“You know, Chanhee is right. I like to tease and all but it is normal,” Sunwoo starts off. “But you shouldn’t be avoiding Y/N because of it. It’s not fair to them, you know?”

All Changmin could do was hum as he looked down at his hands. Once again, his best friend is right; there should be no reason for him to avoid you when you did nothing wrong.

“I know. It all just felt weird, and I think I needed to find some time to get over it.” As he admits that to his friends, he is only met with their smiles.

“You’ll be fine,” Chanhee reassures him before ruffling his hair. “Just remember that it’s just Y/N. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

It is easier said than done for Changmin to go back to his usual antics with you. No matter how many times Chanhee tried to reassure him, it felt like something was holding him back—the idea of you reading right through him. It is not like you know all his thoughts. But if he stood before you, he felt like he would be at your mercy—letting you know all of his desires without any chance to rethink his actions. That is why when you approach him and Sunwoo during lunch, he is thrown off guard.

It is not like he was not expecting you to see him. After all, the spot they were staying in is in a corner on campus where the friend group would spend breaks together. It is an old picnic table whose wood was covered in old graffiti and smudges. Changmin was sure that this table was the last old one on campus for its wood is discolored as sand. Placed in a secluded area on campus behind the athletics center but still close to the publication room, it became the perfect spot for your friend group.

Sunwoo looks up at you in the middle of slurping his ramyeon noodles as you set your hands down on the table. Unlike your usual collected look and happy-go-lucky nature, the two noticed your disheveled appearance; eyebags are unseemly heavier than usual; shoulders slouched from how fatigued you have been.

“Are you okay?” Sunwoo decides to ask as soon as you take a seat in front of the two. You only let out a groan before your head rests on crossed arms. Without having to hear a verbal answer from you, your two best friends shared a look of worry.

Changmin has to swallow his shame; he needs to know what is going on with you. He could not let a dream hold him back from checking up on you, especially at a time when you needed him the most.

So his hand reached out for your arm, rubbing it ever so slowly. “Hey, what’s up?”

As you let yourself look up at your two friends whose faces were full of concern, you let out a sigh. “I’m just stressed out. You know, it’s November already so I’ve got some heavier projects to accomplish.”

“And I’m assuming the pub work is added stress,” Sunwoo chimes in before taking another slurp of noodles.

You nod and say, “Yeah. Right now, Jacob’s schedule is entirely different from mine so we’ve been working separately for the most part.” As soon as your chin rests back on your crossed arms, you let out another sigh and stare off into nowhere. “I miss him,” you shyly admit to the two.

It was to be expected for you to miss Jacob. During your first coverage together, he helped in alleviating the stress that came with it. From his smiles and encouragement to his exquisite way with words, he made every minute feel like a breeze in summer. But surprisingly enough, you felt like you could breathe without him around.

Sunwoo rolls his eyes at your reveal. “Aish! Of course, you do.” With your eyes preoccupied with whatever caught your attention, he looks at Changmin and gives him a subtle smirk. All your best friend could do is stop comforting you to smack the other.

Interrupted by Sunwoo’s whine, you look back at the two and frown at the sight of him grabbing onto his arm while Changmin continues to eat his bibimbap. Before you could ask, Sunwoo looked at his phone.

“Ah, that’s the time already?!” He quickly gets out of his seat and shoves his phone into his pocket before grabbing his empty bowl of ramyeon. “I’m going to be late for my class!”

“What class?”

“3D Character Animation,” he answers Changmin with a groan following. As soon as he notices his best friend who only has a look of desperation plastered on his face, he could only hold back his giggle. “I’ll see you two!”

And with that, Changmin is left alone with you—the one who has occupied his mind since that night. The realization of him spending time with you for the first time since that dream came to him was starting to sink in. With no moment to swallow his shame, he let his eyes trail down to his bowl of beef, rice, and stir-fried vegetables.

“So, how about you?” Once you ask the question, all he does is shrug before taking a big bite of his food.

It is not unusual for your best friend to not be in the mood to talk, but you noticed something was off about his behavior. Since that one day he rushed to the athletics center, you could not shake off this odd gut feeling—it felt like something was eating you up inside. Yet, you could not pinpoint the reason behind it.

You have always felt confident in your friendship with Changmin. There has not been a grave instance where he seemingly threatened it. No matter how many times you quarreled over small details throughout your friendship, you two knew to trust each other wholeheartedly. But as soon as you bumped into Juyeon that same day, your anxieties turned into something real.

As soon as your night class was dismissed, you quickly made your way out of the classroom. The talk about inverted pyramids and ledes in your journalism class only made your head hurt. All you could think about is your sweet home that had the soft bed you wish to pass out on. The headphones you wore blasted the sweet melodies of “1 to 10” by DAY6—your pick-me-up song on days like these. Clearly drained from the day, you were hoping no one would bother you on your way to the parking lot.

That is until your eyes land on a boy who you have grown familiar with from short interactions on campus and at parties. “Oh, Juyeon!” You call out as you move your headphones to hang around your neck.

The boy who you were going to cross paths with looks in your direction. As soon as his cat-like eyes recognize you, he gives you a smile and jogs towards you. “Hi, Y/N. I didn’t expect to see you around here.”

“I usually park by the athletics center.”

Juyeon nods as he lets out a hum. “Did you just come from class?” After you nod, you decide to ask him the same question. “I just came from the dance studio. You know, practicing for the competition coming up.”

“Oh, were you with Changmin?”

That is when you are met with an answer you were not expecting. “Actually, there was no practice today. Coach let us have a bit of time to rest but I wanted to practice.”

When Juyeon reveals that, you cannot help but feel the anxiety start to pool in your stomach. To be fair, you might have misunderstood him when he rushed out. Changmin did not owe you anything, but you still cannot stop the ill feeling brewing inside you.

“Oh, I see,” you force a grin as you say those words. “Good luck, by the way! Rooting for you and the rest of the team.”

Juyeon gives you a smile with eyes squinted. “Thank you! I hope to see you in the crowd.” With that, you parted ways. You do not allow yourself to cry.

Ever since that day, you have not seen Changmin. In those weeks, you allowed your mind to come into every possible assumption—what if he is getting annoyed with you? What if he is struggling with his own problems? What if he just wants to be alone?

You wanted to respect him and his space, but the more this behavior kept on going, the more you allowed yourself to be ripped up by the speculations your anxiety-ridden mind has crafted. It did not help that you figured out that Sunwoo was covering for him on that day—the one guy you so desperately wanted to seek comfort in. And who is to say that Chanhee would not cover for his best friend as well?

Now with no one to go to, you allowed yourself to dwell on ideas surrounding Changmin’s avoidance. But you knew you had to swallow your pride.

“Ji Changmin.” As you call out his name in a tone he rarely hears, he looks up at you. It is rare for him to hear you say his full name like that—almost as if his mother is about to scold him. But he knew that this is not a case of standing guilty before his mother; it is a case of you calling attention to the elephant in the room.

“Let’s talk,” you say those words easily despite the crushing weight on your heart. For a moment, you let your words hit him. So when you see him finally drop his spoon down on the bowl, you realize he was ready to talk.

“Changmin, I need you to be honest with me.” You swallow down the lump in your throat—almost as if you were trying to get rid of the anxiety. “Are you avoiding me?”

As soon as you ask that question, Changmin shakes his head quickly with eyes full of worry. “Oh god, Y/N. I’m not. I-I didn’t mean to come off that way.”

“So you aren’t?”

Changmin sighs before he lets his hands reach toward yours. As he grabs hold of your hands, he says, “I mean, I just needed some time away from you.” Before you say any more, he interjects, “But not in the way you may think of it to be. It’s completely all on me—you did nothing wrong.”

“Then what’s wrong?” As soon as you ask him that question, you are met with silence. His eyes trail down to your linked hands. “Changmin,” you call out so that he looks right back into your eyes. He does not.

You shake your head and free one of your hands from his grasp. Your hand reaches out for the underside of his chin so that you could lift his face. And with that action, Changmin feels his breath hitch.

With his eyes locked with yours and your hand holding his chin delicately like a freshly sprouted flower, he feels like he is transported back to his dream. Every action you seemingly do only reminds him of his fantasy of you. It does not help that your worried eyes looked like your nervous ones in his dream.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Once the question leaves your mouth, Changmin snaps out of his trance. He leans a little backward so that his chin slips out of your grasp. “Yes, sorry. It’s not because you did anything wrong.”

“Okay, but why avoid me then? You know you can talk to me, right?” And he knew that more than anyone. You have always offered him a place for him to talk no matter what it may be about. He did not owe you to share his thoughts, but he is forever in debt to you for opening such a space.

He sighs as he finally lets go of your hands. “It’s… embarrassing,” he whispers the last word with shame overtaking his body once more.

“It can’t be that bad,” you attempt to reassure him only to be met with him avoiding your gaze. “I mean, what’s there to be embarrassed about with me? You’ve known me my whole high school life—it can’t be worse than that.”

For a moment, Changmin contemplates. You had every right to think that way, but you had no idea of his intimate dream with you. He knew he could get out of this. And yet, he found himself defenseless against you.

“God, I can’t believe I’m saying this,” he whispers to himself. As he notices a frown appear on your face, he shakes his head. “Just, please do not judge when I say this.” Your frown stays, curious to hear what he has to say. “Before anything, I respect you, okay?”

When he says those words, you cannot help but let a chuckle slip out. “I know that, don’t worry.”

“Yes, but… ugh, I don’t know how to say this,” he mutters as he thinks about the best way to share what has been bothering him.

You reach out once more for his hand and hold onto it. “Changmin, it’s fine. Rip the bandaid out—for the both of us.”

He hesitates for a second. With the way his eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes filled with guilt, you can tell he was struggling to get the secret out. Before you could say any more, he spoke.

“I had this dream,” he waits for you to say something. When you do not interrupt, he takes it as a signal to continue. “It had you in it.”

It takes you a moment to process his words. Yet, before he could say more, you found yourself saying, “Oh.”

“Wait! It’s not what you think!” He blurts out before you could assume anymore. “I swear, I did not have that type of dream about you.”

When you decide to not interject, he takes it as an opportunity to continue. “God, it’s just that we almost… you know… kissed,” he whispers that last word as if it were a sin with downcast eyes.

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” You finally ask him, earning a nod.

Silence then settles between you two. For a moment, he does not know if he should say something or if he should let it sit with you. There were so many thoughts traveling through his mind—he only expects you to be disgusted by him. And yet, your hand still held his.

For some reason, you cannot help but laugh at the revelation. Changmin finds himself looking up at you only to be met with your shaking head which is accompanied by a small smile. “God, you’re that worked up over an almost kiss?”

As soon as you ask that question, he is thrown off by your casual nature. It is as if you did not understand the gravity of this. “W-what? You wouldn’t be?” He is only met with you shaking your head once more.

“No, dumbass,” you chuckle as you retract your hand from his and ruffle his hair. “There’s no reason for you to get so embarrassed over a dream. It’s not like you can control it… unless?”

“Why would I want to kiss you?!”

The way Changmin physically reels as he says those words make you laugh. “See! Then your dream means nothing.” You smile as you let your chin rest on your arm that is propped up on the table. “If it helps, I’ve dreamt about you too.”

Your best friend cannot hide his shocked expression. The idea of you dreaming about him is something he has never entertained until your reveal. “You have? About what?”

“Secret.”

“Hey, I told you mine!”

You can only laugh at your best friend’s behavior. “I’m assuming you told Sunwoo, right?”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “He cornered me into telling him and Chanhee when he heard from you that I was “practicing.” It felt so weird to tell him.”

“Well, that’s Sunwoo for you. If it helps, he was also the first person I told about my dream of you.”

Changmin pouts at you while your grin remains the same. “I thought we were best friends.”

“Yeah,” you look at him up and down. “Until you decided to avoid me over a dream!”

“Okay, fair point,” he admits with a sheepish smile. “But I ended up telling you! Why won’t you tell me yours?”

You roll your eyes over his childish behavior and say, “Because mine is far more embarrassing than an “almost kiss” that you seemed to have with me.” With those words, he cannot help but be curious.

A frown now plastered on his face, his mind runs through every possible dream that could be more embarrassing than his. Nothing could possibly beat his dream of you—until his mind lands on a particular idea. With a small chuckle leaving his mouth, he asks, “Did you have a sex dream about me?”

“No.” The way you blurt out the word ruins the cover you built. And there is no way to save yourself from this mess.

“Oh my god, you did!” He exclaims with eyebrows raised over the revelation. “When did you have it?” When all he receives is an eye roll from you, he decides to push further. “C’mon! Like you said, my dream does not mean anything as much as yours doesn’t.”

You sigh out in frustration before you frown at the boy across from you. “First year of college—it was after I saw your recital where you performed “BOSS” by NCT,” you shyly admit as you avoid his gaze. Although you refuse to look at him, you can feel how his eyes bore into you.

“Really? You liked that fit on me?” He asks smugly to which you groan. “I’m kidding!” You roll your eyes once more as you let him finally take some spoonfuls of his bibimbap.

The silence that settles on you two is surprisingly comfortable. Despite the awkward revelations that came on both ends (most especially on yours), the stillness of it all does not make you sit in embarrassment.

“Thank you, though.” You finally look back at him. “I mean, thank you for telling me,” he says with a shy smile on his face.

Changmin has always been the type to keep his feelings to himself—the one to hide his shame away. You have always known that since you first knew him as Sunwoo’s friend. But you also knew that leaving a space for him to talk gave him opportunities to be vulnerable with you—all he needs is a little reminder.

You let out a sigh. “Just don’t avoid me like that again.”

“I won’t.” Changmin nods as he finishes his bibimbap. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

As you shrug, you are met with his frown. Before you could say anymore, you felt your phone buzz. While he observes the way your face shifts from exhaustion to pure euphoria, an ill feeling starts to poll in his stomach. “Nevermind, I’m going to grab lunch with Jacob.”

When those words slip out of your mouth, a weight is dropped right on top of his heart. The last time he felt like this was when Hwang Hyunjin was offered the center position for one of the routines that he was aiming for. He hates this feeling—why did he feel this way over how you mentioned Jacob’s name?

“You are? I thought your schedules were completely different,” he murmurs before his eyes drift back down to his bowl.

“Yeah, but he just texted asking if I wanted to grab lunch with him. Hopefully, we can work on the article after so that my life is easier.” You smile while you text away. Changmin only allows himself to hum.

“Are you okay if I go? Or do you want me to wait for you?”

When you ask that question, every part of him wants to tell you to stay. In the time he has avoided you, it is only now that he is starting to realize how much he missed hanging out with you. Every part of him only wanted to hold you close to him—to forever link arms with you every second of the day. But this is Changmin we’re talking about—he would never hold you back from what you want to do.

He shakes his head with a small smile as a cover-up. “No, you should go. I know you miss him.” As he sees your grin, he cannot help but feel his heart being tugged harshly.

“Thank you!” You exclaim as you get off your seat. “I’ll update you!” And with that, you left your best friend. Now, he is left with thoughts and feelings he wishes to not entertain.

Before you met up with Jacob, you made sure to cover up your fatigue (thank god you brought some makeup) by hiding your dark circles. In contrast with the exhausted look that Changmin and Sunwoo previously saw, you presented yourself as you normally would when going to campus.

Now, you stand in front of a restaurant whose specialty lies in Korean fried chicken. Once you entered, you noticed that there were only a handful of students from your university. Other customers were those dressed in button-ups and slacks while some came in casual clothing.

As you look around, you spot the 5th-year who types away on his phone. The sight of him never fails to warm your heart. You walk towards him and greet him with a smile, “Hi, Jacob.”

When his eyes land on you, he flashes you that all-knowing smile (god, you will always be defenseless against him). “Oh, hi! Please take a seat.” He stashes his phone in his pocket. As soon as you take a seat, he says, “I already ordered the fried chicken and kimchi-jjigae just a few minutes ago, so it will probably be here soon.”

“Ah, thank you so much! I haven’t eaten the whole day,” you admit as you scratch the back of your neck. While you take a gulp of water, Jacob speaks up.

“You haven’t? Well, we’re gonna make sure you eat lots now,” he smiles at you which has you almost choking on your water—just almost. When you place the cup back down, you show him a shy smile.

Your relationship with Jacob has been complicated. Ever since that fateful night when he asked about your relationship with Changmin, something in the air shifted—it felt as if the aura he emits is different. Although his innocent praises stayed, he started to tell you things that made you melt from the inside out. From “Good job with the draft!” to “I like what you did with your hair today,” you did not know what to make of this new dynamic with him.

Still, a part of you wanted to hold back from pursuing anything. Despite getting to know him during the weeks you two worked together, you found yourself still valuing all his thoughts about you. In your mind, he is still the 4th-year who you idolized when you first entered the publication.

“So, how are you?” You try to shift the conversation. “Have your professors been assigning you some heavy projects?”

Jacob nods and hums in affirmation. “I expected to have more free time since I’m in my 5th year. But surprisingly, my academics still take up a huge chunk of my time.” He sighs as he looks down at the table. “With my internship and the publication work, my schedule has been cramped.”

“I can only imagine.” And you only really could. You have always anticipated your senior year to be hectic as when Changmin and Chanhee were juggling their priorities the summer before their 4th year. The two never really got to enjoy that summer; they dreaded every day until the start of their senior year.

“What about you? How’s the final leg of the semester treating you?” As Jacob asks the question, you could only sigh. He could only chuckle. “I’m assuming it’s not going well for you also.”

You let out a groan before complaining, “Professors have this tendency to assign due dates for heavy projects before the actual finals season. I mean, I get it—they’re trying to do us a favor so that we can focus on actual finals but literally every prof is doing that.” As you were going on a tangent, you noticed Jacob starting to smile. “I just think that professors could have easily spaced out the workload.”

Before you could ask about what he is smiling about, an old woman comes to your table with a bowl of kimchi-jjigae and a basket of Korean fried chicken. Your stomach grumbles at the sight. As soon as she sets the two dishes down, she smiles and coos at the boy in front of you, pinching his cheeks. “My Jacob, I didn’t know you were having a date!”

Once those words leave her mouth, your eyes widen in shock. You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks all while Jacob smiles at the server. “Ah halmeoni, thank you for preparing such a good meal.” He does not make an effort to deny your lunch being a date—the butterflies start to swarm in your stomach.

“Of course, my sweet sweet boy.” She finally stops pinching his cheeks and smiles at you. “Please enjoy your date.” Before you could protest, she left the two of you to serve the other customers calling her.

You cannot find your voice. Somehow, you were scared to let a sound out in fear that your voice would crack from how the woman described this lunch. It did not help that Jacob went along with it. And what made you melt even more is when he poured you a bowl of kimchi-jjigae and placed a piece of chicken on your plate.

When you stare at Jacob who pours himself some stew, he only shoots you that godforsaken smile. You may not know what you want with Jacob at the end of all of this. But one thing is for sure though—you wanted this feeling to remain.

It is 10:34 PM. You are seated in your living room watching an episode of Bluey while your laptop remains abandoned. During times of stress, you always found yourself watching this show for comfort. Its digestible plot and heartwarming nature found in each episode worked for your weak heart. That is until you hear your doorbell ring.

You were not expecting a delivery—let alone anyone at this time. As you got off the couch and walked towards the door, you peeked through the peephole only to see your best friend dressed up in a white shirt and grey jogging pants.

As soon as you open the door, you ask, “Changmin? Why the hell are you here?”

The last time you saw him was two weeks ago—the day you confronted him about his avoidance. Your friend group was preoccupied with hell season (read as “professors assigning heavy projects”) and extracurriculars, preventing you four from hanging out.

It was a miracle that you and Jacob managed to wrap up your article on drinking culture amongst students just a few weeks after Halloween. Now, you two were rushed into finishing the joint article on hustle culture in student organizations so that it would be published in time before finals season comes.

In Chanhee’s case, he was assigned more coverages aside from the ones he had to work on with you two. He always swooped in on time to film and capture the moments and left as quickly as he could to handle his other duties. It is crazy how you two are in the same publication but barely see each other.

While you and Chanhee have been preoccupied with publication work, Changmin and Sunwoo have been practicing non-stop for their competition happening tomorrow. They have spent almost every night in the dance studio going over the same routine countless times; sweating through every shirt they had; exerting every muscle in them; enduring every bruise that came from dancing. That is why you do not understand why Changmin stood before you when his competition was happening tomorrow.

“I’m here to check up on you,” he says as he takes his shoes off and sets them aside before taking a step into your place. You close the door and frown at the boy who was making his way to your couch. “You’re watching Bluey? Now you need to tell me what’s going on.”

You sigh as you make your way beside him and plop down on the couch. “I’m just taking a break from work.”

“Is it the same one from last time? The drinking culture one?”

“Nope.” You pop the ‘p’ sound as you grab your laptop. “It’s about hustle culture in orgs,” as you say those words, your best friend could only chuckle. “Why? What’s so funny?”

He raises his eyebrows at you. “Don’t you think it’s funny how you’re writing about that when you have been working like crazy for the newspaper?” As he points it out, you only roll your eyes. “I know you’ve been writing non-stop, so why don’t you just take a break?”

You firmly shake your head and say, “I can’t; my break was watching Bluey.” While you type away, you could feel your best friend start to rest his head on your shoulder as he watches the show without you. Oddly enough, you felt all the knots in your body untie themselves—it was as if Changmin helped alleviate the stress by simply being present.

The episodes play out while you work; searching up synonyms for basic words like “say” or “work”; typing out phrases that sound right; deleting every unnecessary word to save you on characters. After two episodes ended, you could feel your best friend tug on your arm. You look to your right to see his concerned eyes. “C’mon, you can work on that tomorrow. I don’t want you to overwork yourself tonight.”

You only show him a small smile. He is right. Over the past weeks, you have found yourself staying up countless nights to balance your academics and publication work. Your friend group is well aware of this (since you have messaged them during the late hours), and they would always remind you to take breaks. Yet, you never did allow yourself to listen. A part of you felt like you needed to work every minute.

When you decide to not say anything, Changmin takes it as a sign to get off the couch. “C’mon, let’s go to the mart downstairs. You really need to take a break.”

“But–”

“No.” He grabs hold of your laptop and pries it away from your hands. As you whine, he only shakes his head. “Y/N, I know you. If you keep this up, you’re going to get sick. So for once, just listen to me.” Your best friend’s persistence is something that you could not battle against. And after you let out a sigh, you find yourself getting off the couch.

Now, you two were sitting inside the convenience store located on the ground floor of your apartment complex. While you ate away on your cup of ice cream, Changmin was munching on some bread with red beans in it.

“Aren’t you not allowed to be snacking late at night before your competition?” He only hums as he watches you chew on the wooden spoon. “Are you nervous about tomorrow?”

He shakes his head and says, “This isn’t about me—I’m here to ask about you.” You can only sigh over his behavior. Being put under the spotlight is something you always dread, especially when it comes to your own problems. Changmin, of all people, knew this—but he only corners you when it is necessary for you would only bottle it all up.

“What about we talk about everything?” When you are met with a frown, you whine, “Changmin, you know I hate it when I talk about this shit alone. Let me at least hear you out.”

For a moment, he remains frowning at you. But just like him, you are persistent. He sighs before giving in to your request. “Fine, shoot.”

“How are you feeling about tomorrow?”

He gives himself a moment to think over the question before answering with, “Oddly enough, I feel a bit more confident about the competition tomorrow.”

“Hey, that’s good!”

He chuckles as he looks down on his bread. “I know. I mean, a part of me is still nervous but I feel like it would be good to end this on a good note.” He finds himself smiling as he looks out the window. “I’m just hoping we secure that win, you know? Considering that I have several center parts–”

“Are you really trying to flex that right now?” You scoff as you twirl the wooden spoon.

“I’m just saying.”

“Whatever, you’re not all that.”

“Do you see me commenting shit like that every time you talk about getting clean closes on your articles?”

As soon as your best friend looks at you, he is greeted with a frown on your face. “You always do. Be so for real right now.”

“Just because you always talk about it! Let me have my moment,” he says which only has you rolling your eyes. “But continuing before you interrupted me, I still want to do well. I want to win for my team—let the mark I leave be a good one.”

You understood where Changmin was coming from. Even if he talked about being a bit more relaxed, you knew that this competition still mattered to him as a graduating senior. His passion for dance is something you do not usually see from anyone. At the end of everything, he wanted to prove that his love for this activity is something to be acknowledged—all the time he has spent dancing is something worthy to commemorate.

“Hey, and you will,” you say as you bump shoulders with him. “I know you will do good.”

He lets a chuckle out. “I know I will do good when you’re there.”

“Calling me your lucky charm then?” You smirk as you chew on your wooden spoon. When you do not hear him say anything, you turn your head to look at him only to be met with his small smile.

“Yeah, I do.” Just like a bonfire on a cold night, his words warm your heart. You never expect him to go with it. And yet, the way he says the words so easily almost makes you smile.

In an attempt to not feed his ego, you roll your eyes and face away from him to hide your expression. Before you could say any more, he spoke. “Now that we talked about me, let’s talk about whatever you have going on.”

You sigh as you look out the window. “I don’t know. I mean, it’s just the stress of everything, you know?”

“Okay, so tell me about it—go through what’s bothering you one by one.” When he says those words, you cannot help but feel your heartstrings tug. It is during these times that you remember Changmin’s constant aid when you found yourself struggling in silence.

Despite being the talkative one in your friend group, you never liked to dive into your troubles. If anything, you liked to be the person who people went to for comfort versus the person who vents their struggles. Even in your early years of being friends with Sunwoo, he has known you to be the type of person who would discredit their problems. That is why it is not rare for you to sweep your difficulties under the rug. And every day, you always appreciate Sunwoo for being present in the moments you need him the most.

Funnily enough, the same goes for your best friend. Changmin was fine with talking about anything and everything unless it concerned his problems. He was the type of person to lock himself away in his low times—hide away so that he burdens no one. And yet, his walls would always break when you came into the picture. Because at the end of everything, you want to be the shoulder he can lean on. And just like you, he does the same for you.

Somehow, the universe gifted you someone who knew you from the inside and out—one who pushed you to the necessary limits that you needed to reach in order to grow. You could only hope he felt the same towards you.

Under his gaze, you finally found it within yourself to speak. “I don’t know what to feel.” You find yourself looking back at Changmin only to be greeted by his nod. “I mean, I don’t know what to feel about Jacob.”

You do not miss the way he frowns as you say the 5th-year’s name. “Go on,” he urges you to continue.

“I feel like–god, I don’t know how to say it.” You let your eyes trail back down to your cup of ice cream. “Ever since that Halloween party, I feel like something changed, you know? Like he’s still sweet but I feel so hyperaware that he might actually reciprocate whatever I’m feeling about him.”

Changmin only hums before he takes a bite of his bread. As soon as he swallows it down, he says, “You’re not happy about your crush showing some interest in you?”

You shake your head before admitting, “Crazily enough, I feel more scared.” You do not allow your eyes to meet with his. “Like, I love the feeling of spending time with him. But when I remember what he said at the party and all the other times he has said something almost flirtatious in nature, I feel myself freeze up.”

“Okay, why do you think that?”

You find yourself shrugging. “I feel like I still think of him as the 4th-year that I first found myself crushing on when I entered the publication. A part of me still puts him on this pedestal who I idolize versus a friend who I’ve gotten to know during my weeks working with him.”

You hate that it turned out this way. Every part of you wants to jump head-first into whatever you and Jacob have going on. And yet, you can never push him off the pedestal—almost as if he is forever rooted in that place. You are about to say more until you are met with a question that you do not expect.

“Do you, I don’t know, ever see yourself with him?” Once your best friend asks that, you cannot help but stare at him. “I know it’s a lot to consider.”

“No, you’re good,” you mumble as you let yourself look back out the window. “I… don’t know. Oddly enough, I don’t think I can see myself with anyone.” As soon as those words leave your mouth, you allow your eyes to meet Changmin’s which are only filled with worry.

“You don’t?”

It has only occurred to you that you have never mentioned this thought to him. Despite the many times you rambled to him about all your short-lived crushes, you never really had anything progress past that stage—let alone saw yourself pursuing them.

“Yeah, it’s weird,” you found yourself saying after finishing your last spoonful of ice cream. “To me, I’ve grown so accustomed to the idea that all my crushes will stay as crushes, you know? That’s what I’m familiar with.”

Silence engulfs you two for a moment. You let Changmin process what you just shared with him. But when you realize that he was not going to say anything, you chose to continue. “I have gone my whole life just doing work that I find it hard to even imagine a future where I’m not working.” You find yourself sighing. “Is it odd to think that I feel like I am put in this world for the sole reason to work?”

It is supposed to be a hypothetical question—until your best friend answers. “Y/N,” he calls your name out before his hand finds its way to yours. “You are more than your accomplishments, you know that right?” You look at him with eyes full of shock. There was not enough time for you to think of an answer as he continued to speak. “You are deserving of love—you always have been.”

You feel his hand grip yours a tad tighter. His fingers held your hand as if you could easily slip away. You knew it was his way of wanting you to hear him out—to believe his words.

It has been something you noticed since your second year in high school. You can remember the first time you finally started to pick up his small habits—from the way he likes to link arms with you to the way he tends to hit whoever is beside him whenever he is excited.

It is rare for him to firmly grip your hand. In the same way you would reserve these types of talks to be mainly with him, you could only hope that it was an action he reserved for you.

“I know that you may have gone your life under the impression that no one wants you in the way you hope, but there are people who love to have you in their lives. I know you value your work because I do too, but you aren’t just some commodification of labor—you are a burst of energy for Chanhee; a familiar presence for Sunwoo; a place of solace for me.” The more he continues with his tangent, the harder it gets for you to find the right words to say.

Somehow, he reads your thoughts and says, “I’m not saying you should dive in with whatever you have going on with Jacob hyung without understanding what you want from him. But I think you should at least entertain the idea that you can possibly have something with him.” He takes a moment to sigh as he draws circles on the back of your hand. “I just don’t want you to hold yourself back from getting something that you have deserved for so long just because it’s unfamiliar.”

And deep inside, you knew Changmin was right. He has always been the type to remind you that you do deserve happiness—whether it may be in whatever career path you decide to set on or hobbies you wish to pursue. And yet, you still hold yourself back from attaining something that stands right before you. Are you really part of the list of people who deserve happiness?

But you know that if you say anymore, the conversation would spiral down further. “I just,” you take a deep breath as you bring your linked hands closer to you. “I–I don’t know anymore. Maybe I just need time to just figure out whatever the fuck I’m feeling,” you chuckle as you look down at your hand that intertwines with his.

“And take all the time you need,” he whispers. Once you look at him, his gaze never falters. In those eyes you have grown accustomed to, you allow yourself to be exposed to him in ways that no one will ever have the privilege of seeing.

Your best friend smiles at you and says, “Come on, it’s getting late. I’ll bring you back to your place.” Once he stands up, he grabs your empty cup and wooden spoon with his plastic wrapper from the bread and throws them into the trash bin.

The walk back was silent—nothing needed to be said for you two were content with being in each other’s presence. When Changmin drops you off by your door, you smile at him. “Thank you for tonight. It kind of felt nice to have it finally out.”

He gives you a small shrug and says, “I’m always here to help you carry your burdens.” You cannot help but feel your heartstrings tug.

Before he could say more, you wrap your arms around him and pull him into a hug. He feels himself stiffen at the sudden action. And when he realizes that it is you who initiates the hug, he melts into it.

It is not rare for you two to hug—for you to initiate them, however, is a once-in-a-blue-moon experience. Although your best friend loves physical touch, it was never something you sought out. The most you ever did was link arms or hold hands—for you to bring him into a hug was unexpected.

As you feel his arms wrap around your waist, you allow yourself to release a shaky breath. Even if you were not a big fan of physical touch, a hug like this one will always bring you immense comfort. “Thank you,” you whisper into his shoulder. All he does is continue to embrace you.

Once you let go of him, he does the same. “I’ll see you tomorrow, my shining star.” As you say those words, Changmin cannot hide the smile that shows on his lips.

“I’ll wait for you, lucky charm.” You smile before entering your apartment. The moment the door shuts close, he starts walking away while fishing his phone out of his pocket. He dials one of his best friends and brings the phone close to his ear.

After three rings, he hears a groan from the other end of the line. “Changmin, it’s late. What do you want?” Sunwoo complains in his groggy voice.

“I think I’m fucked.”

“Ok–”

“I think I like Y/N.”

Changmin is met with silence. For a moment, he thinks Sunwoo hung up on him. That is until he says, “Expect me at your place in ten minutes.”

When you wake up, you expect to feel sluggish. But as soon as you start to feel your body ache, you realize that today was not going to go as planned.

“I don’t think I can make it,” you groaned out to your best friend who was on the other line as you waited for the thermometer to finalize its results regarding your temperature. “God, I’m so annoyed.”

“Aish, this is what you get for staying up so many nights!” Chanhee scolds you as you set your phone on speaker mode.

While you roll your eyes at his reprimanding, you hear a beep emit from the thermometer placed under your arm. Once you took it out, you could see that your temperature is at 39°C. You scratch the top of your head and say, “Fuck, I am sick.”

Unbeknownst to you, Chanhee was in the dance team’s dressing room seated near Changmin as he was getting his makeup done. Changmin furrowed his eyebrows at his best friend who was on call with you. “What’s wrong?” He whispers only to earn no response from Chanhee.

“God, don’t tell Changmin I’m not there,” you say as you store the thermometer away on your bedside table. You grab onto your phone to double-check if Chanhee was still on the line.

He attempts to joke and says, “Oh, so I can tell Sunwoo?”

You roll your eyes even if he cannot see your reaction. “Obviously not. I just–right now, they should not be worrying about me. It’s a big deal for them, especially Changmin.” As you whisper your best friend’s name, you could feel the guilt eating you apart. After last night’s conversation, you knew he would not be able to rest easy knowing you are sick. “Can you think of an excuse? Like maybe just say I’m running late?”

“I don’t know if I can,” He admits as he stares at the topic of the conversation who only has a look of concern. Before Changmin could say anything, he waved his hand at him. “Do you need me to book a delivery for you? Do you have some meds?”

As you peer over to your bedside table to look through the drawers, you notice some acetaminophen pills sealed up. “Yeah, I have enough to last me around three days.”

“I’ll bring some more when I visit you. What about soup?”

You sigh. “It’s okay; I can handle it. Just make sure to cheer them on for me.”

Chanhee bites on his lip as he stares back at Changmin who was starting to connect the dots. Based on the one-sided conversation, it was starting to make sense in his head what was going on—not only could you not make it to the competition but you were sick.

“Okay, I’ll see you later?” Chanhee finally asks. As soon as you hum, you decide to end the call. While you were under the impression that Changmin had no clue of your absence, the reality is that he was well aware of what was happening.

“They’re sick,” Changmin mutters to himself as he looks at himself through the mirror while Park Seonghwa, one of the makeup artists that work closely with the dance troupe, continues to pamper him.

His best friend sighs as he types away on his phone. “They don’t want you to worry about them. Just focus on the competition and we can visit them after.” As he said those words, Changmin could feel the anxiety start to brew within him; his heart started to feel heavy; his palms were getting sweaty; it almost felt like the walls were going to collapse on him.

Chanhee starts to notice that Changmin was drifting into a headspace that they wanted to absolutely avoid. “Seonghwa, can you excuse us?” Once the makeup artist nods and walks away to work on someone else, Chanhee quickly stands up from his seat and walks behind his panicked friend before holding onto his shoulders.

“Hey,” he calls out as he catches Changmin’s attention through the mirror. “I know that you’re worried about Y/N, but they’ll be fine. All they have is a fever. You though, you need to focus on your competition.”

“Okay but Y/N has never missed any of my competitions.”

Chanhee chuckles. “And you’ll be fine. You can always tell them about your win after, and I can record it just to show them.” But the thing is his best friend does not get why Changmin is worried about your absence.

He has been nervous about the competition since the morning came. But the idea of you being there provided him with immense comfort that he could tackle this. Without his lucky charm, he almost felt defenseless.

“I know you like them and all–”

“Huh?! That’s not the point!” Changmin quickly exclaims to cover up what Chanhee just babbled out. He whispers, “That’s not something you should be saying out loud.”

His best friend attempts to apologize. “Sorry! I just never see you act like this, so I thought all of this was coming from the fact that you like them now.”

Changmin only sighs as he looks back down to his hands that play with the hem of his shirt. “I don’t usually act like this because Y/N has always been present for every competition. And never once did the teams I joined place anything lower than silver.”

Chanhee cannot help but pout at him. “They’re almost like your lucky charm, is that it?” When he does not say anything, the best friend only sighs. “I don’t know if this will help, but why don’t you at least try to win without them? Instead of worrying about your missing lucky charm, take this opportunity to win this for them—for you, especially.”

Unbeknownst to the two, Sunwoo overheard a part of the conversation before he walked up to them. The two were briefly surprised by his sudden appearance. “Hey, you two,” he starts off before holding onto his best friend’s forearm who was seated on the chair.

“Changmin, I know you’re worried. If anything, I am too. I used to treat Y/N as my lucky charm since. They’ve been present for not only the dance competitions but my soccer tournaments in grade school.” He looks at Changmin with worried eyes. “There was this one time where Y/N didn’t show up because they got sick as well. On that day, I had a foul shot that caused the team’s chance to win.”

He sighs at the memory, remembering how much he cried to you on the landline. “In their comfort, they told me this: “You don’t need me to achieve the heights you’ve dreamed of.” And I think a part of me realized then that I put so much faith in someone who was only supporting me on the sidelines. At the end of everything, they want you to believe in yourself.”

As Sunwoo shares his memory with you, Changmin cannot help but think over the words you told Sunwoo. It is true that despite the skills he had, he always found himself second-guessing his capabilities as a dancer. And during the times he found himself doubting his abilities, you were always there to remind him of his worth. Not only did you do that for dance but even when you two still worked together for your high school’s publication.

“Yeah, what matters most is that you win this, especially for yourself—this is your dream. No matter what happens, we will always be proud of you. We know how much time and effort you put into dance, and we’ll always marvel at what you do,” Chanhee speaks up. Since the conversation happened, Changmin finally found himself showing a small smile.

“Ah, there’s that smile,” Sunwoo points out, which only has Chanhee giggle. “C’mon, let’s just focus on making sure we get through this without any injuries. Win or lose, we still did well, okay?” Sunwoo raises his fist for his best friend to fist bump. Once he does so, Sunwoo smiles.

Chanhee smiles at the sight of him and his two best friends huddled together through the mirror. In the time he has gotten to know your friend group, he realized that all the bantering is just a coverup for how much love is shared between you three. Despite the quarrels and internal struggles, your friend group always remained firm in the idea that to love is to reestablish each person’s independence.

No matter how many times you three believe you cannot survive without one another, the reality is that the achievements achieved are all due to each person’s capability—it is just nice to know that there will always be people to support you from the sidelines. As Chanhee was dragged into your friend group, he found himself cared for and supported in every aspect.

He leans his head on Sunwoo’s shoulder as he continues to hold onto Changmin’s shoulder. Although Sunwoo was startled by the sudden movement, he noticed the smile on his best friend’s face. “You guys will be okay.” And with those words leaving Chanhee’s mouth, the two could not help but feel a heavy weight on their hearts be lifted.

Sitting on the couch in your living room, you were all wrapped up in a blanket as you tried to type away on your laptop. Not only were you disappointed about missing Changmin and Sunwoo’s performance, you were stressed about your article’s due date which was two days from now.

Despite how sick you felt, you still needed to work on the task at hand. It almost felt as if the upcoming deadline was breathing down on your neck. You would hate to cause an inconvenience for both your editor and co-writer.

Your phone vibrates. Expecting to get a call from the delivery person who was bringing some samgyetang from your favorite restaurant, you see Chanhee is calling you. As soon as you answer, you say, “How did it go?” When you are met with a sigh on the other end of the line, you could feel your heart get heavy.

“Y/N, I don’t know where Changmin is.” You feel yourself sit up straight as your best friend reveals that information. “The competition didn’t turn out well—they ended up placing last out of the five groups who participated.” Your eyes close in sorrow.

For a moment, you hear some muffled sounds until another voice speaks up. “As soon as they revealed the results, he left,” Sunwoo let out a sigh. “We’ve been trying to contact him but it keeps going straight to voicemail.”

“We’re planning to check the athletics center first and the picnic where we usually hang out before deciding to check back at my place.” Once Chanhee says that, you let out a hum. “Do you have any other places in mind that you think he’d be at?”

“Uh, I think the park near your apartment complex would be good to check out,” you start off. As you tried to think of more places, you felt yourself hitting a mental wall—you were too worried about your best friend. “I-I don’t know where else he could be.” As you whisper those words, the unbearable weight on your heart is accompanied by claws that make it ache.

You could hear someone sigh for a moment. “Okay, if you ever think of more places, just message us. Tell us also if you get a message from him,” Sunwoo tells you.

“And don’t go looking out for him. I mean it.” Every part of you wanted to argue with Chanhee. But with his harsh tone, you realized there was nothing you can do in this state. He is right, you are sick—now is not the best time to go out.

While you tried to process the news, you were starting to blame yourself for getting sick. Especially after last night’s conversation with Changmin (and how he thought of you as his lucky charm), you could do nothing but feel guilt swallow you whole.

“Okay,” you finally whisper back. And somehow, your best friends started to notice how worried you were with how you said that one word.

With a sigh, Sunwoo says, “He’ll be okay. It was just a bad day.” Before you could say more, he cuts you off. “And it’s not your fault.” You feel your bottom lip quiver. “The other teams just presented a better performance in comparison to us—we would have never expected it. So don’t carry the blame, lucky charm.” As he calls you that term, your heart aches.

When you were first called that by him, you could remember the joy you felt. You loved to support your best friend in any way you can, even if it meant being treated as the one reassuring presence that made him feel like he was guaranteed success. But what came with being a lucky charm was also the burden of the title—having someone put all their faith in you when you had no control almost felt anxiety-inducing.

So when Changmin coined that term on you, you could not help but experience that feeling once more. That is until you learned that your absence was as coincidental as their team losing in the said competition.

“Take care, alright?” As soon as Chanhee says that, you let out a hum. The call ends and you are left to stare off into the open space in your living room. Yet, not even a minute after, you hear the doorbell ring.

You stood up from the couch with your blanket still wrapped around you as you sluggishly walked towards the front door. When you swing it open, you expect to see a plastic bag filled with containers of the food you ordered. But when you see Changmin with a sorrowful expression holding onto the said plastic bag, your breath hitches at the sight.

Just at the sight of him, you decide against saying anything. With his shoes off, you only take a step to the side so that he could enter your place. You shut the door right after he enters and walk slowly to the boy who was placing your food on the kitchen counter. He was dressed up in an all-black outfit you could only presume to be the same outfit he performed in a few hours ago.

The silence is deafening; you are too afraid to let out a sound. As you watch your best friend keep his composure while he tries to prepare your food, dark limbs consume you and push you into a hole of guilt and sorrow. While he was still struggling to come to terms with placing last, he still was going out of his way to take care of you.

You took some steps forward so that you could be closer to him. While he opened containers containing samgyetang, kimchi, and more, you stood right behind him. And before he knows it, he feels your arms wrap around his waist and hug him from behind.

With that one simple action, he stopped whatever he was doing. You let your chin rest on his shoulder as you look down at his hands that were starting to tremble. As soon as you notice his head start to dip down, you knew he was going to cry. All while his body started to shake, you could only hug him.

“It’s okay,” you finally whisper to him.

It is rare to see Changmin cry. During your time growing up with him, you can only remember a few times when he shed a few tears; due to stress from school and his internship; when Gana went missing for a few days; times when he was frustrated with a choreography he could not get the hang of. But with the way he was shaking, you were not expecting just a few tears.

As soon as you spin the boy to face you, you could see tears streaming down his face. In an attempt to stop the waterfall and any wails, he bites on his bottom lip. And you realize that Changmin desperately needed to be cared for. You pulled him into another hug so that his face was snuggled into the crook of your neck.

With your best friend sobbing, you held him close. In these times, you started to understand what he meant last night—you are a place of solace for him just as he is for you.

Over the days you were sick, your best friends have been taking care of you—Chanhee mainly handles your medications, Changmin cooks or orders food for you, and Sunwoo takes your temperature and helps you out when it comes to using the bathroom.

Due to your physical state, Sunwoo had to tell Kevin that you were sick and unable to fully deliver in time for your deadline. As soon as he revealed that your editor would help Jacob in taking over for your assigned parts, guilt consumed you since you burdened them. But they were insistent on making sure that you got enough rest.

Stuck in bed, you were watching another episode of Knowing Brothers on your iPad while Sunwoo was scrolling on his phone. Your two other best friends were out of your place busy doing some groceries for you and themselves. As you watch the crew continue to joke around, your phone vibrates. Upon grabbing it, you notice a notification from Jacob.

Now sitting up, your eyes widen at the sight of his name. “What’s wrong?” You hear Sunwoo ask. While you ignore him, you decide to open up the conversation.

cobcob 🐰: hi y/n! i hope you’re okay :] please don’t stress about the article. you did a lot and i’m glad i got to work with you this semester!! cobcob 🐰: hopefully we can work together again for the second sem 💗 cobcob 🐰: or even hang out outside of student journalist duties :] y/n: thank u jacob </3 im very sorry about this T__T y/n: i will make it up to you by treating you to lunch! cobcob 🐰: don’t treat me to lunch!! it’s fine 💗 cobcob 🐰: instead, let me take you out

The moment you gasp causes Sunwoo to get closer to you and peer over your shoulder. Before you could scold him, he gasps as well. “DID HE JUST ASK YOU OUT?!”

“YAH!” You shove your best friend away. “I didn’t even allow you to read my conversation!”

“Oh my god, Y/N! Who cares! How much has progressed between you two?!” He exclaims as he starts shaking your arm. “Have you been keeping secrets from me?!”

You roll your eyes. “I haven’t! There’s just not much worth mentioning,” you admitted shyly.

“Liar,” your best friend says with a frown. “I bet Changmin knows everything.”

“He does.”

Sunwoo gasps and shoves you. “I was joking! But now that I’m finding out that it’s true, I’m hurt. I thought we were besties.”

You let out a sigh. “Then I’ll tell you. But I swear, it’s not much to begin with.” As he raises his eyebrows at you, you take it as a sign to continue. “I told you about what happened at the Halloween party, right?”

“Something happened?!”

You give him a shy smile. “Oops?” Your best friend gasps once more and smacks your arm. “I thought I told you!”

“Well, you didn’t! Does Chanhee know?” When you do not answer, your best friend frowns. “I cannot believe you are keeping secrets from me!”

You laugh and say, “I’m sorry! I’ll give you a full recap—no details will be left out.”

With that, you decided to tell him about the events that happened during Eric’s Halloween party to your supposed informal “date” over fried chicken and kimchi-jjigae. As you told the story, your best friend would gasp and smack your arm every time you revealed a new detail. Sunwoo cannot help but be impressed by how much had gone on.

“I still can’t believe you decided to not tell me.”

You pout in an attempt to earn his forgiveness. “To be fair, we weren’t hanging out much because of different schedules. And I don’t know, I wouldn’t think too much about it until… now.”

It is true—you were trying to find ways to believe that this is just Jacob being friendly. It felt impossible to believe that your crush was trying to pursue you. But with his most recent message, you started to realize that you were blind to his advances after all.

“Well, did you reply?” As soon as your best friend asks that question, your eyes widen. You quickly take a look back down on your phone to see some unread messages from Jacob.

cobcob 🐰: if you don’t want to though, it’s fine! cobcob 🐰: just let me know 💗

“Oh god, what do I say?” You ask out loud as you point your phone towards Sunwoo.

Your best friend groans and says, “You are hopeless!” You frown as you face your phone back toward you. “Do you want to go on a date with him?”

“Yeah,” you shyly admit.

“Then you know your answer!”

You raise your hand to stop him from saying any more. “Okay, but I was telling Changmin this the other day that I don’t know what to feel towards him.”

“Okay, what’s the problem?”

You sigh as you look over the same message. “Honestly, I don’t know. I feel like I still idolize him, and I don’t know if I really connected with him during our time working together.” You look up to your best friend. “Like he’s nice and I really enjoy talking to him, but I really do think I put him on this pedestal. I would like to think of him as a friend, but a part of me still sees him as the senior I had a stupid crush on.”

Sunwoo only hums as he thinks over your words. “What did Changmin say?”

“He was saying I can take my time figuring it out really.” Your best friend hums once more.

“I don’t think a date will do any harm,” he starts off. “I mean, it might help you figure out what you want after all. And it’s not like you need to figure it out then and there.”

Your best friend had a point; you could go on a date without any expectation to understand your feelings after. You let out a sigh before looking down once more at your phone. Once you type out your message, you send it without looking back.

“Done!” You exclaim as you let yourself fall back down on the bed. “Can’t believe I’m going on a date with him.”

Sunwoo only smiles at you before he goes back to his phone. Unbeknownst to you, he messages Changmin about what just occurred between you and Jacob.

It is 3:34 PM. It has been a few hours since you replied to Jacob’s message. Now, you and your three best friends were watching 2 Days & 1 Night in the living room while waiting for the food to come.

You were wrapped in your blanket as you rested your head on Changmin’s lap while he rested his hand on your shoulder, rubbing it in a circular motion. With your eyes still trained on the television screen, you remain unaware of all the glances and smirks your two other best friends were shooting at Changmin.

“What do you guys have planned for winter break?” You decide to ask as you continue to watch the variety show.

“I’m going to Pyeongchang with my family,” Sunwoo shares as he looks at you and Changmin.

“My family hates snow, so we’re going to Malaysia.”

You hum at Chanhee’s answer before turning your body so that you could face Changmin. “What about you?”

“I think I’m just staying at Cheongju. My noonas are coming back home for the winter.”

You gasp as you sit up and say, “Yuna and Hanhee are coming home?! Oh my god, I miss them!”

During your high school years growing close with Changmin, his sisters have grown fond of your presence. Despite the age difference, Yuna and Hanhee have taken care of you as much as they do with their brother. You ended up being part of the Ji family with how much they cared for you during your years in high school.

“Yeah,” he says with a smile. “I haven’t seen them since 2nd-year winter break.”

Before you could say anything, Sunwoo decides to ask you a question. “Oh yeah, aren’t you supposed to be going to Japan for the break?” You shake your head before resting your back on the couch.

“It didn’t push through because my parents are going to be out of the country for a business trip,” you sigh. “I’m just going to be here rotting.”

“Really? You don’t have other relatives to spend the break with?” Chanhee asks you.

You shake your head with a sigh following. For most of your life, your parents have been attentive to you. However, when you started going to university, they grew busier due to more demand and obligations. You do not hold it against them for having to cancel the winter break plans—it had to be done and you knew there would be another time to go to Japan.

“Why don’t you try spending it with Changmin’s family?” Sunwoo suggests which makes you snap out of your thoughts. Before you could say anything, he says, “I mean, the Ji family does love you. What do you think, Changmin?”

You turn your head towards Changmin whose eyes were trained on Sunwoo and eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t want to intrude, really. I’ll be fine–”

“No, it’s okay,” your best friend cuts off. As he looks back at you, he shoots you a smile. “I’m sure my family would not mind having you for the winter break.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind staying here.”

Changmin rolls his eyes and says, “It’s okay, we love having you in the house.” You allow yourself to smile. “I’m sure they would love to see you after 2 years.”

With that, he wraps his arm around your waist and brings you closer to him. You rest your head on his shoulder and continue to watch the variety show playing on the screen, unaware of the smirks your two other friends had.

“Oh god, am I mixing this right?”

Jacob peers over your shoulder and looks at what you are doing. As soon as he sees the mess, he cannot hold back his laugh.

You exclaim as you look back at the boy behind you. “Are you laughing?!”

“You’re fine! It’s just that I thought you overmixed but it’s very undermixed.”

Before you continue with the task at hand, you roll your eyes. “I barely bake, okay?” You shoot a playful glare at the boy who stood beside you who was mixing up the frosting.

“And I don’t bake, too!” He attempts to defend himself and then nudges your shoulder. “But you have to admit, this is fun.” You cannot help but smile.

It has been a week since Jacob asked you out on a date. You were able to recover from your fever thanks to your friends (which was honestly just an excuse for them to have a slumber party at your place). It was fun though—you kind of miss having them in your place.

Now, you were in a bakery that Jacob would frequent. He grew closer to the couple that runs it due to his visits. And somehow, he managed to reserve the kitchen for only you two to use (under the supervision of the owners, of course).

You could not lie—the date is cute. It is not the usual “dine-and-talk” that you have heard some of your friends go on. When Sunwoo went on his first date back in high school, you could remember how you and Changmin helped him plan it out.

“I don’t know what to do!” Sunwoo exclaims as he looks through his clothes. He moved every hanger, unsatisfied with every piece of clothing he had.

You and Changmin were lounging on Sunwoo’s twin bed with homework out while your best friend was having a dilemma. “I still can’t believe you managed to ask out Soojin,” you voice out as you were scribbling down the scientific names of common flowers. You nudge Changmin and ask, “Is this right?”

He takes a peek at your homework and lets out a chuckle. “You misspelled it. It’s Leucadendron—not Lucadeldron.” You roll your eyes as you erase your mistake.

“Science is not for me,” you say as you write the correct spelling.

“Yeah, well we all knew that,” Sunwoo mumbles under his breath as he still looks at his closet.

“Yah!” You grab a pillow and throw it at the guy. “Don’t you want us to help you?”

He turns around and frowns at you and Changmin. “I do, but you two aren’t even trying!” He points at the papers scattered on his bed. “How are you helping me if you’re studying?!”

Changmin sighs before dropping his pencil and getting off the bed. “Okay, what do you have in mind for tomorrow? Do you know where you’re going to take her?” As soon as Sunwoo shakes his head, you could only laugh in disbelief.

“You don’t have an idea?” Once you ask that, his eyes throw daggers in your direction. “I’m just shocked! To be fair, you have liked this girl since, so I thought you had something in mind.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t,” he sighs as he takes a seat on his bed. “This is terrible! I don’t want my first date to go bad.”

You and Changmin share a look as Sunwoo continues to wallow in anxiety. The two of you knew how much this means to your best friend. Who would not panic over going on a date with their long-time crush—let alone a first date? While Sunwoo was lost in his thoughts, Changmin pointed at his closet, giving you a silent signal that he would take care of his outfit.

“Okay, we’ll help you!” You scoot closer to Sunwoo and rest your hand on his shoulder. “Does she like to play board games? You can take her to the board game restaurant we always go to.”

“She doesn’t like playing board games.” He scratches the back of his neck. “She’s very competitive, and you know me.”

You sigh as you watch Changmin pull out a nice button-up shirt. “Well, does she like the aquarium?”

“She’s scared of fish.” As he says that, you tilt your head in confusion. “I don’t know. She once mentioned that she’s scared of the glass breaking.”

“Okay, can’t judge her entirely for that,” you chuckled under your breath as you thought about it more. You look over at Changmin who now holds three different hangers of clothing and decide to joke. “Changmin, do you have any ideas? Perhaps you’ve gone on a date?”

Your best friend looks over at you two as he still holds up some hangers of clothing. “Uh, yeah.” As he says that, your eyes widen in shock.

“You have?!” Sunwoo exclaims which has Changmin rolling his eyes.

“I was a sophomore when I went on a date with someone from the math honors society,” he answers as he raises a pair of jeans to envision the look he has in mind.

You gaped at him, in shock over what he revealed. “Goddamn, I thought you were bitchless.” Sunwoo cannot help but laugh beside you.

“Hey, that’s a good one.” As the two of you high-five, Changmin frowns.

“Yah! I’m not gonna give date ideas. You two figure it out,” he says as he continues to flip through whatever is in Sunwoo’s closet.

“No! C’mon, please! We won’t bully you anymore,” Sunwoo begs, only to be met with a sighing Changmin.

He looks over at the two of you once more who sat on the bed. “What does she like?”

Sunwoo hummed as he thought it over. “Well, she likes books, music, scrapbooking, and food.”

“Hm, you could bring her to the antique bookstore that Y/N and I always go to,” Changmin suggests only to earn a frown from Sunwoo. “Oh, I forgot that you hate reading.”

You tongue the inside of your cheek. “Well, you could also opt for a picnic date with some scrapbooking?” Your best friends look at you with eyebrows raised. “I mean, I should have some extra materials to spare since I stopped journaling.” When they continue to stare at you, you frown. “Jeez, don’t take my suggestion!”

“No, it’s good!” Changmin quickly says as he hangs the clothing pieces on the door for them to see. “I think this fit would be good for a picnic—fresh look!” The look is a navy blue collar shirt and a white tank top paired with beige jeans.

Sunwoo hums at the sight. “Damn, you guys are good with this, especially you,” he says as he looks at you.

Your eyebrows shoot up in confusion. “Me?”

“Yeah.” Changmin walks to the bed and goes back to answering his homework. “I wish I thought of doing that with someone,” he mutters under his breath.

You shrug and roll over. “To be fair, it’s something I would like. I don’t know if it is up Soojin’s alley, but it's worth a shot!”

Before you and Changmin could go back to work, Sunwoo jumps on you two which has you groaning. “Thanks, by the way. Once you guys go on future dates, I’ll help you out.”

You could only laugh as you continue to write some nonsensical names. “The day I go on a date is the day we know that nothing is real. Ain’t no way I’m finding love.”

And a few years later, you still could not believe you are on your first official date. Sunwoo did pull through; picking out some clothes; telling you what to do; easing your anxiety for the most part. You would have looped in Changmin for this but he was busy with schoolwork as finals season is approaching.

Since your best friends took care of you, you have not heard from him in a while. All you would get were short responses and excuses about why he could not talk or see you. You do not hold it against him though—he needed this time to focus on his thesis anyway.

“There we go!” Jacob exclaims as he looks over at your mixing bowl. “That looks good. We can pour it into the baking pan.” Once you nod, he moves the tray closer for you to pour into. Ever so slowly, the mixture created beautiful folds. The sight alone made you hungry.

“I’m so tempted to eat this cake batter up.” He laughs and takes the tray.

“We can’t have that happening! You need to wait,” he says as he walks closer to the oven that was preheated before you two started. You walk towards him to help in opening the oven so that he could place it in.

As soon as you shut it close, Jacob raises his hand for a high-five. “We did good,” you say as you high-five him back. “Hopefully, it turns out good.”

Jacob shrugs and says, “And if it doesn’t, I’d still be glad that we did this.” You only show him a small smile.

Everything in you wanted to agree with him. And yet, you hate that you could not agree with him wholeheartedly. You knew that your two best friends told you that you did not need to figure out your feelings for Jacob right after the first date. But oddly enough, you felt like pushing forward with him is almost like pushing mountains—unable to budge.

But it is not fair to completely shut him out without giving him another chance. At the end of everything, you want your first boyfriend to be him—you just needed time to rethink what you wanted. With that, you whisper, “Yeah, me too,” in hopes that all would be figured out.

At long last, you were done with the first semester. Oddly enough, you found yourself concluding finals season on a good note; saying goodbye to good groupmates and professors; acing projects you worked hard on; leaving classes with so much learned. The journey was not easy (and you would never want to experience it again), but you knew the next semester would be just as difficult.

Winter break came a week ago. Although Chanhee and Sunwoo already packed their bags and left as soon as it started, Changmin said that you two would leave as soon as the second week came in at the request of his parents. You did not mind waiting around, really. If anything, you were glad that you would be able to join them for the holidays.

It is 4:34 PM when you and Changmin arrive at Cheongju. As you take a deep breath of the air, you smile. It has been 2 years since you last stepped foot in this place. You notice that when you exhale, you see the air due to the cold temperature.

“Oh, I missed being here,” you mutter to yourself as you hold onto a hand-carry that carries your clothes for your seven-day stay in the Ji household. As you hear Changmin hum, you whip your head in his direction. For a moment, you swear he had his eyes on you briefly, but he was only looking off into the distance.

“Yeah,” he says with a small smile on his face. He fishes out his phone from his pocket and looks through his notifications. “I think Yuna noona should already be here. Let’s go to the pickup area.”

With that, you two drag your small luggage and make your way out of the train station to the curbside pickup point. Dozens of cars were lined up; some from those who resided in Cheongju while most were taxis. While Changmin was busy trying to get ahold of his sister, you stood close to him.

You have not told Changmin about what went down on your date with Jacob. The last time you talked about him was when you told your friends about him asking you on a date.

“So, I have some news to share with you all.”

You and your friends were sitting by the kitchen island with platters of gopchang and gimbap along with a bowl of ox bone soup. Since you were well from your fever, this would be the last night your friends were going to spend at your place. Everyone decided that today’s dinner should be good.

“What news?” Sunwoo asks with food in his mouth.

You say with furrowed eyebrows, “About my thing with Jacob.” Unbeknownst to you, your friends were already aware of what you were referring to.

“Your date with Jacob?”

As he says those words, you squeal before grabbing your phone. Once you open up your conversation with your crush, you hand off your phone to Changmin who is seated beside you. “I can’t believe he asked me out!”

Chanhee sighs and says, “I hate to break it to you, but Sunwoo already told us a few days ago.” With that revelation, you gasp.

“Are you serious, Kim Sunwoo?! I wanted to tell them!” You whine with your arms crossed.

The boy gives you a sheepish smile. “I just wanted to share the good news.” You roll your eyes at his response.

“I’m not going to tell you anything at this rate.”

With a pout on his face, he whines, “No! Don’t keep stuff from me, please.”

Before you could say anything, Changmin hands you your phone. “I’m happy for you,” he whispers with a small smile. You do not think much of his response, but when you notice your other best friends’ eyes on him, you cannot help but overthink.

When he continues to eat his food, the table falls into silence. For once, it was not comfortable at all.

Although you found yourself thinking about his reaction, you told yourself to not get too lost in your thoughts. There is no reason for you to rethink his words when all he has done is be honest with you. And if he was not ready to share something with you, you would be respectful of his boundaries.

Before you could get lost in your thoughts, you hear someone call out your name. “Y/N-ah!” As you look in the direction of where that sound came from, you see Yuna in a padded jacket. She stood by her car with a big smile on her face.

Without a thought, you grab onto Changmin’s hand with your free hand and jog to her. “Yuna! I’ve missed you!” You exclaim as you let go of your best friend’s hand and pull her into a hug.

“And I’ve missed you,” she responds as she holds you close to her. “I can’t believe it has been more than three years since I last saw you.”

Once you two let go of each other, she smiles at her brother and grabs onto his arm. “C’mon, give me a hug as well.” Although he rolls his eyes the moment she wraps her arms around him, he allows himself to melt in the hug. You knew how much he missed his sisters even if he would never admit it to them.

As soon as the two stop hugging each other, Yuna claps her hands. “C’mon, let’s get in the car. Eomma has been waiting for you two since the break started.”

As she gets in the driver’s seat, you and Changmin go to the trunk to stow away your luggage. Once you open it, Changmin grabs onto your luggage. “Let me,” he says. Before you could protest, he pulls it away from you and places your luggage neatly before he sets his down beside yours.

You smile at him the moment he closes the trunk. “Thanks.” All he does is smile and nudge your shoulder.

“You can pay me back by doing all my chores.”

“Yah!” As you scowl, all he does is laugh.

“Eomma! Y/N and Changmin are here!” Yuna calls out while she tries to remove her shoes. “You can put your shoes here,” she tells you as she points at the shoe rack. As you and Changmin set your shoes aside, she opens the door for you three. Before she goes off, she says, “I’ll just find eomma.”

When you first step into the Ji household, you notice that everything is almost the same as when you last visited; the walls were still off-white and littered with picture frames of the family throughout the years; the soban is the same one you remember stubbing your toe against during the dinners you were invited to; the aura that emits from being in this household is still as homey as ever.

A rush of nostalgia fills you—your heart aches nicely as you remember your memories in this home. But before you can reminisce, something snarls. Your eyes set on a poodle who runs in your direction, barking non-stop at you.

“Gana!” Your best friend exclaims as he crouches in front of his dog. Although the poodle continues to snarl at you, he only smiles as he holds his dog close to his chest. “I’ve missed you so much.”

You sigh with a frown on your face. “I think Gana forgot about me. He was never this aggressive back when I would visit.”

He only laughs as he continues to shower Gana with love. “I don’t think he ever liked you.” When he says those words, you gasp.

“Well, I don’t like him either!”

“That is a lie and we all know it. You want him to love you as much as he loves me,” he says as pets Gana.

Before you could say anything, you were interrupted by someone’s squeal. “Y/N-ah!” Your eyes rip away from the two and land on Changmin’s mom who is already rushing to you.

“Eomeoni!” You manage to say before she pulls you into a hug.

“What did I tell you about calling me that? Just call me eomma,” she says before letting you go. She pinches your cheeks with a big smile on her face. “Ah, you’ve grown so much since I last saw you.”

It is true. The last time you saw her was when you and Sunwoo graduated from high school. Changmin found time to go back home just in time to celebrate his best friends’ graduation. On that night, your families gathered for dinner to celebrate everything—whether small or big. You could remember that a few weeks later, you and Sunwoo had to pack your bags so that you could move to your apartments situated close to the university.

You smile at her and say, “Eomma, you’re still as young as when I last saw you.” With such flattery, she cannot help but grin at you.

As she lets go of your cheek, she shoots a smile at her son. “Changmin-ah,” she says while walking closer to him. Your best friend lets go of his dog and smiles at her. The moment he hugs her, you cannot help but feel your heart warm at the sight.

“Ah, you’re still as handsome as ever,” she coos, which has him blushing in embarrassment.

With a shy smile on his face, he says, “Eomma, you don’t need to say that in front of Y/N.” All you can do is giggle at your embarrassed friend while his mother ignores his request.

“Y/N-ah,” she says as she lets go of him. “You’ll be sleeping in Changmin’s room while he’ll sleep in the living room.”

Your eyes widen in shock as you attempt to protest. “Eomma, it’s okay! I’ll be fine sleeping in the living room.” She shakes her head as she grabs onto your hand.

“No, I already talked about this with Changmin on the phone. He said it’s fine.” As she reveals that information, you look at your best friend who only smiled at you. With a pout on your face, Changmin’s mom drags you to his room while you hold onto your luggage.

As she opens the door to Changmin’s room, you are met with the same room you stayed after every dismissal time. “I cleaned up a bit, but I didn’t want to mess with Changmin’s things,” his mom admits as you take a step into his room.

Similar to the rest of the household, nothing changed; the single bed that you, Changmin, and Sunwoo would work on was still pressed up against the wall; the black oak bookshelf that held his old books still had the carvings you three would leave every once in a while; the corkboard that hung on the wall still had pictures and tokens throughout his grade school and high school years; the wall mounted shelf that held his trophies and medals. In this room, you could see Changmin in every corner—the one you got to know back in high school and the one who you cared for even until now.

“Changmin might come in every once in a while to get some clothes, but I’ll make sure he respects your privacy.”

You let out a laugh at what she says. “Eomma, it’s okay. I don’t mind him bothering me. If anything, I need to thank him and you for allowing me to stay for the break.”

She gives you another smile and says, “Anytime.” She pinches your cheek once more (to which you smile) and walks out of the room, closing the door behind her.

You leave your hand-carry by the door as you look around the room once more. As you walk to the corkboard littered with photographs, you can spot ones with you and Sunwoo in them. Ranging from competitions to the first days of school, you smile at how much you three have grown through the years—from old uniforms and shabby haircuts to stylish clothing and redefined faces.

As your eyes scan through the other tokens such as ticket stubs and receipts, you spot cutouts of your articles along with his pictures that accompanied yours. Just from the sight, you cannot help but feel your heartstrings tug. You always knew he did this with your past collaborations, but seeing it after a while never fails to make you smile.

Although you try to rest your hand on the desk, your hand ends up hitting the handle of the drawer. You raise your head in pain and hiss at the sudden impact. “Shit,” you mutter to yourself.

Your eyes settle down on the drawer that is now slightly open. You were going to close it—you are not the type to snoop. But when you notice a paper that has the name of your university’s publication at the bottom corner, your hand reaches out to open the drawer further.

You could not believe what you were seeing—it is a cutup of your article on hustle culture in organizations. As your hand grabs onto it, you notice that there are more pieces of paper. While you sift through the cutouts, you realize it is all your articles during your time in the university’s publication.

Throughout your university life, you were always under the impression that Changmin would read your pieces—never keep them like how he did back in high school. And yet to see the stack of cutouts that had your byline had you like ice cream on a hot day. There were no right words to describe what you are feeling now for you did not even understand it.

Still in shock, you stack them neatly in the drawer before shutting it close. Before you could recollect your thoughts, you hear the door swing open.

“Y/N?” Changmin calls out as his head peeks out. As he notices your shocked expression, he frowns. “Are you okay?”

You quickly show him a smile. “Yeah, I was just looking at the photos,” you lie as you point at the corkboard. “I can’t believe we were so young.”

He chuckles as he steps in, taking in his childhood room. Once he stands beside you, he takes a good look at his corkboard full of memories. “Do you remember when we took this?” With his finger pointing at a certain photograph, you cannot help but smile.

The picture was of you, Changmin, and Sunwoo having a picnic during the winter season—red noses and snowflakes on everyone’s hair. All dressed in padded jackets, you can remember how your fingers were about to fall off from the cold while you three attempted to do some scrapbooking.

“God, why did we even do that?”

Changmin nudges your shoulder. “Because you talked about wanting to go on a picnic before, remember?”

Once you look at him, you notice that he was already smiling at you. “For a date! And it didn’t have to be in the fucking cold,” you say as you roll your eyes.

“Hey, you still enjoyed it!” He exclaims to which you only sigh in defeat. It is true—you can remember how you almost cried over your friends preparing that picnic for you.

You used to be bothered by your uneventful love life (even if you did complain every once in a while). But when you remember what your friends did to remind you of their love for you, you realize that it is not bad to have nothing going on—you always have them to keep you company when you need it.

Before you could say anything, Changmin let out a sigh. “C’mon, we’re about to have dinner.” He grabs your hand before shooting you another smile. “I’m sure everyone wants to know everything about you.” You wish you could pinpoint the reason behind your heartstrings tugging.

Everyone was gathered around the soban which carried a hearty spread of kimchi, bulgogi, jjajangmyeon, and yukgaejang. The sight of these deliciously prepared dishes had your mouth watering, but the smell of it all is to die for. Aside from the times Changmin has cooked you food when you were sick, you cannot remember the last time you had a homemade meal.

“Please, go eat!” Changmin’s dad says as he hands Changmin the bowl of spicy beef broth.

As you grin at his parents, you do not notice your best friend grabbing your bowl to pour some yukgaejang for you. You cannot help but stare at him as he pours the perfect amount of soup for you to eat.

“Thanks,” you whisper as he hands you back your bowl.

He shoots you a small smile before proceeding to do the same with everyone else. “Yah, that’s too much!” Yuna exclaims, which causes her brother to stop putting any more soup into her bowl. “You know how much Y/N wants but not how much I want?”

“Yuna noona, I don’t see you all the time,” he attempts to defend himself as he pours himself some soup while she berates him.

You wish you could comment—a bowl of soup should not mean that much. And yet, you cannot help but stare down at the bowl that holds the perfect amount for you.

“Hey, let’s not have this happen in front of our guest.” Changmin’s dad tries to break the quarrel. “Come on,” he says as he grabs the bowl of yukgaejang from his son. “I’ll take care of me and your eomma.”

Once Yuna was done grabbing some jjajangmyeon for herself, she passed the bowl to her brother. “What time is unnie and Byungho oppa coming home?” She asks while she places some bulgogi on her plate.

When Changmin grabs the right amount of black bean noodles for you, you give him a shy smile. “You know, you can get yourself some food first. I can handle getting my own.” All he does is shake his head, ignoring your request.

“Both of them should be arriving early in the morning,” Changmin’s dad says before taking a sip of the soup. “Ah, another good meal prepared by eomma.” As he says those words, your best friend’s mom cannot help but smile. You cannot help but smile at the sight of them in love.

After Changmin grabs his serving of jjajangmyeon, he takes the platter of bulgogi and places a few pieces on your plate before his. “Let me know if you ever want more,” he says before handing it off to his parents.

You shoot him a small smile before grabbing onto your bowl. Once you take a sip of the yukgaejang, you cannot help but moan—the spicy beef broth coats your tongue that has you hissing out of joy. “Eomma, it’s so good,” you say before taking another sip of the soup.

Changmin’s mom grins at you and says, “Thank you! Please eat well.”

As you all ate to your hearts’ and bellies’ contents, the Ji family would interview you and Changmin about all that has happened over the years. In the same way you expect to be bombarded with questions every time you visit your parents, you do not get overwhelmed by the interrogation. That is until the spotlight is put on your best friend.

“Changmin-ah, you’re already in your senior year—are you not dating anyone?” His mom asks which has him choking on his soup.

After you pat his back while he coughs, he says, “Eomma, I’ve been busy with school and dance.” As he says those words, his mother frowns.

“But what will happen after you graduate? College is the time to find that perfect someone!”

“Or maybe he’s still hung up on Suyeon,” Yuna snickers before taking a bite of her bulgogi.

Ji Suyeon—the girl from the math honors society that Changmin went on a date with. After he revealed to you and Sunwoo about his first date, you two did not stop interrogating him. What came as a big shock to Sunwoo is that he has gone on multiple dates with her—from dine-and-talks to board game ones.

But the biggest shocker for you is that they were together for a few weeks. When your best friend spoke of his past relationship, he did not hold any ill feelings toward her. The two ended their relationship on mutual terms—their priorities did not line up.

“Hey, I’m not!” Your best friend attempts to defend himself with a frown on his face. “I haven’t even thought about her in years.” Yuna only shrugs before going back to eating.

“Y/N-ah,” Changmin’s mom calls out, which has you looking at her. “You’re always with him. Does no one find him attractive there?”

You scratch the back of your head and manage to say a few words, “Uh, I’m sure people do find him handsome. But I wouldn’t know too much since he hasn’t mentioned anything.” With a sheepish smile on your face, you cannot help but feel your face burn at calling your best friend good-looking right in front of him and his family.

“Eomma,” he whines after taking a sip of his soup. “I’m not interested in anyone right now. If anything, aren’t you happy that I’m focused on my studies?”

She sighs, “But I don’t want you to be lonely. Did you know that your dad and I met in college?”

“Eomma, we know.” Yuna shakes her head as she grabs some more bulgogi. “You always talk about it.”

As soon as Changmin’s mom shoots a look at her husband, he sighs. “Your mom is only looking out for you, okay? She just doesn’t want you to miss out on finding the love of your life.”

Their son sighs at their words. For a moment, you do not know if you should step in and back him up. With your eyes on his side profile, you notice that he is deep in thought. But when he turns his head to face you, you feel yourself crumble under his stare.

“I’m happy with Y/N.” You cannot help but feel your eyes widen. Staring right back at him, you do not know what to make of his words. But he does not allow you to think about it as he chokes out the words, “And with the other friends I have.” He looks back at his family. “I’m sure I’ll figure it out, so no need to worry.”

With a smile on his face, his parents eventually let go of the topic. Although they continue to talk about the other things happening in their lives, you still find your mind pondering on the first half of his words.

It is 10:15 AM. You were in the kitchen helping Changmin’s mom prepare some kimchi for the next month. Although she kept denying your help, you kept insisting by saying that it is only right to help out with anything at home since they allowed you to stay over for the holidays.

“Like this, eomma?” You ask as you show her the cabbage coated in kimchi paste.

She looks at your work and nods. “You’re doing it right! Cover it in more paste and it will be good.” You follow her instructions and continue to coat the other cabbage leaves with the same amount of paste. “How are your parents?”

You look up at her with a small smile on your face. “They’re okay. I called them last night, and they wanted to thank you again for having me over.”

“Don’t even worry about it,” she says as she shakes her head. “I consider you family—whenever you need me, I’ll be there for you.”

You cannot help but smile at her words. It is true—Changmin’s mom has always been there for you and Sunwoo whenever you needed her. Even after Changmin graduated from high school, you two always found themselves in the Ji household. There were cases where your parents could not have dinner with you which meant eating with Changmin’s parents. You are thankful for them—they are your second family.

The sounds of her favorite radio station accompanied you two as you work. While you were focused on preparing the kimchi, you do not notice when someone enters the kitchen. “I thought you’d be more happy to see me.” When you look up, you cannot help but gasp at the person’s presence.

“Hanhee!” You exclaim as you quickly stand up from your seat. As she wraps her arms around you, you try to hug her back while making sure that no kimchi paste gets on her. “I’ve missed you so much.”

As she lets go of you, you see a big smile on her face. “My bestie, I’ve missed you.” You step aside so that her mom could hug her as well.

“My Hanhee,” she says as she gives her daughter a big hug. “Have you settled in already?”

Once Hanhee nods, the three of you take a seat. “So, how are you, Y/N? Is my brother still causing you trouble?” You can only laugh as you coat a cabbage leaf with kimchi paste.

“Well… he’s definitely something,” you speak as you work. “But I’m doing very well. He’s been a big help.” Hanhee hums as she watches you and her mom make some more kimchi. “What about you? How are you?”

She gives you two a smile before saying, “Surprisingly, I’m very happy where I am. Work can be stressful but… at least my fiancé is there to support me.”

“Fiancé?! You and Byungho are engaged?!” As you gasp, Changmin’s mom cannot help but laugh.

“Hanhee and Byungho recently got engaged,” she says as she removes her plastic gloves. “I’ll go get the container while you two talk.” As soon as she leaves the kitchen, Hanhee shoots you a smile.

“I’m so happy for you.”

She lets out a happy sigh. “I know, I can’t believe he proposed. Who would’ve expected that I would marry my best friend?”

As she says those words, your mind cannot help but drift to Changmin. The idea of him all dressed up in a suit as he stands by the—wait, why were you thinking about this? You briefly frown and shake your head at the thought.

“Honestly, you and Byungho are soulmates,” you say with a smile in an attempt to cover up for whatever had you in your thoughts.

She chuckles before asking, “Do you think my brother is your soulmate?” You cannot help but physically reel at her question which has her laughing. “Like, platonic soulmate, you know?”

You bite the inside of your cheek as you ponder her words. Changmin has always been your best friend—the reason why you are able to keep on going. In the same way Byungho and Hanhee support each other, you two always look out for each other. But would it be right to call him your soulmate?

Before you could answer, Yuna and Changmin came into the kitchen. “Hanhee noona,” your best friend says as he hugs his sister. “Where’s Byungho hyung?”

“Already looking for him? Why don’t you spend time with your noona?” Hanhee teases as she keeps her arms wrapped around him.

Yuna takes a seat beside you as she looks at the kimchi. “Wow, Y/N is helping eomma out while Changmin is lounging around.” She clicks her tongue which causes Changmin to frown at her.

“Hey, I didn’t know!” He attempts to defend himself. “Eomma usually doesn’t let me help out when it comes to kimchi.”

Hanhee shakes her head as she finally lets go of her brother. “Look at Y/N doing all that they can to help out while your lazy ass is just spending time with Gana.”

“To be fair, Gana misses me.”

“Gana misses everyone,” Yuna says as she rolls her eyes. “Why don’t you go help out appa and Byungho oppa outside?”

Changmin frowns at you three before saying, “I hate you three.” As soon as he leaves the kitchen, you and his sisters cannot help but laugh.

“It’s always so fun to rile him up,” Hanhee laughs.

“Honestly, it’s one of my favorite things to do every time we come back here.” Yuna smiles at you two. “Anyway, unnie, tell me what has been going on with you!” As the three of you talk about anything and everything, you do not forget about Hanhee’s question. For now, you will shove it to the back of your mind.

The next day comes. You and Changmin were on your way to pick up some food from a restaurant you two used to frequent back in high school. Since his mom had stuff to attend to, everyone agreed that it would be fine to have some takeout for today’s lunch. Although your best friend was supposed to go alone, you thought it would be good to join along (mainly because you wanted to explore the city with him as well).

“God, it still looks the same,” you say as you two were walking with linked arms. As you pass by the old mart you, Sunwoo, and Changmin would go to after school, you cannot help but gasp. “Even the mart is the same!”

Your best friend rolls his eyes over your excited behavior but cannot hide the smile that shows on his lips. “You’ve been gone for two years; I don’t think too much can change.”

“You never know!” You nudge your best friend’s shoulder. “Two years ago, I was still under the impression that Hanhee and Byungho were still girlfriend and boyfriend—not engaged.”

He shakes his head and lets out a sigh. “To be fair, I think we all expected that they would end up marrying each other.”

Before you could say anymore, you two finally arrived in front of the restaurant. The exterior of it still looked the same but old; the paint has chipped off of the letters; the wood’s color resembles sand; the fairy lights did not shine as brightly as they used to. And yet, you cannot help but smile at the place that sheltered your friend group.

As soon as Changmin swings the door open, you attempt to unlink your arm with his so that you could enter first. And yet, he makes sure that his hand still holds onto your arm. You cannot help but feel your heart warm at the action. Your best friend has always been the clingy type, so why are you feeling all of these now?

The moment you two enter, he links his arm once more with yours. The restaurant is small, only having six tables with each one having two chairs of their own. It seemed that there were only five customers in as they ate away on their tteokbokki and ramyeon. The cashier is manned by the one and only person who your friend group has grown close to over the high school years. Once his eyes trail up towards you two, the shock on his face is one for the books.

“Y/N-ah!” Minho, the owner of the restaurant, exclaims as he makes his way towards you. As soon as he reaches you, he wraps his arms around you two. You cannot help but melt in the hug. As soon as he lets go of you two, he looks at the boy who went back to linking arms with you and says, “Of course, Changmin! Oh, you grow even more handsome every time I see you.” Your best friend cannot help but give him a small smile.

“I’ve missed you, harabeoji.” As you pout, Minho cannot help but pinch your cheek.

“We’re here to pick up the food my dad ordered,” Your best friend says as he holds you close to his side.

Minho nods with a smile on his face. “Of course.” He makes his way back to the counter which you two follow. “It’s so nice to see you after so long,” he says as he grabs onto a plastic bag. “I see that time still treats you two well.” As he points at your linked arms, you cannot help but tilt your head in confusion. “I mean, I’m happy to see that you guys are together! I never knew you two liked each other that way.”

As soon as he says those words, your eyes widen. This cannot be happening again—what changed between you and Changmin to come off as a couple to almost everyone? You look at your best friend who stood beside you with a flustered expression.

“Ah no, it’s not like that,” he coughs out before grabbing onto the plastic bag that held containers of tteokbokki.

Once you look at Minho, you notice a disappointed expression on his face. “Oh, I see. But I’m still happy to see you two are still friends!”

Despite his attempt to clear up the awkward air, you cannot deny the unsettling feeling in your stomach. With people questioning the nature of your relationship with Changmin (along with the news of Minhee’s and Byungho’s engagement), you were not sure if what you have with him is platonic as you make it out to be.

It should not matter though. Whatever you have with Changmin is your business—not anyone else’s. What if your best friend always found himself linking arms with you? What if your best friend always takes care of you whenever you are drunk? What if your best friend still keeps newspaper clippings of what you write?

And what if you crave his presence? What if you care so much about what he feels? What if you cherish all of his competitions and wins? What if you did think of Changmin as your soulmate? But none of these should matter—what you two have is perfectly platonic.

“Well, how long are you two staying here?” Minho snaps you out of your thoughts

With a bitter smile, your best friend says, “We’re only here until the end of this week.”

Minho cannot help but pout at his revelation. “I see,” he sighs. “But it’s still nice to see you, Y/N, especially after all these years.”

You shoot him a smile before saying, “Harabeoji, this might not be the last time I see you.” You take a quick glance at your best friend who seemed to have his eyes on you. “I’m sure Changmin and I can go here once more before we leave.”

“Ah, that’s my Y/N—still as caring as ever.” Your smile gets bigger as he says those words. “Tell your parents I say hi,” he tells your best friend to which he nods.

As soon as you two bid farewell to Minho, you make your way out of the restaurant, arms still linked with each other. Although the silence should have been comfortable, you cannot deny that Minho’s comment had you wondering about your relationship.

When the night comes, you are seated beside Changmin on his futon while Yuna, Hanhee, and Byungho stay on the couch. Changmin’s parents decided to call the day early and went to sleep early. It has been a while since you five last hung out together like this (while still missing Sunwoo).

“Sunwoo is pulling bitches?!” With the way Yuna exclaims, you cannot help but burst into laughter and lean on your best friend while Hanhee smacks her arm.

“Yah! Don’t be too loud when you curse!” The sister scowls before leaning back into the arms of her fiancé. Yuna frowns at her sister as she rubs on the spot where she was smacked. “But I can’t believe our little Sunwoo has grown up.”

You roll your eyes as you rest your chin on your best friend’s shoulder. “Barely,” you mutter, which only has Changmin chuckling. “He is unfortunately still as immature as he was in high school. I don’t know what people see in him.”

“I can only imagine,” Hanhee sighs. “But enough about Sunwoo, what about you? Has anyone stolen your little heart?”

When she raises that question, you cannot help but feel your cheeks get warm. As soon as the two sisters notice your flustered expression, they gasp. “Y/N! What have you been keeping from us?!” Hanhee exclaims, which makes Yuna scowl at her.

“I thought we agreed to not be too loud!”

Hanhee rolls her eyes and says, “Yeah, but that was before I found out that Y/N has a boyfriend!”

You lift your chin from Changmin’s shoulder and shake your head. “It’s not a boyfriend.”

“But it’s still someone, right?” Yuna shows you a teasing smile.

You feel your breath hitch in your throat. Jacob Bae is that supposed someone to you, right? So why could you not find it within yourself to answer the question?

“He’s a 5th-year student who works in the university’s newspaper,” your best friend takes over as he grabs hold of your hand that rests on the space between you two. Your heart warms at the action. “They’ve only gotten closer this year.”

The two sisters hum at the information their brother shares. “A senior, huh? I’m impressed,” Yuna says before looking at Hanhee. “Wasn’t Byungho oppa a senior when you first met him?”

The sister nods as she looks at her fiancé. “Yeah,” she mutters as the two smile at each other.

In that shared moment, your mind wanders off to how nice it would be to be secured in the idea of having an “each other.” Although you have accepted a possible reality where you will be forced to work to the bone, a part of you longed to still have someone who you could go back home to—you wish for a future where there will always be a place of solace curated just for you.

“For your information, your sister and I are only a year apart,” Byungho says as he finally rips his gaze away from Hanhee to look at Yuna. “But yes, I was a senior in high school. Imagine if Hanhee joined the chess club earlier—maybe we could’ve been together for longer.”

“Not even! I used to hate your guts when I first joined,” Hanhee argues despite Byungho’s arms still wrapped around her figure.

The fiancé chuckles before he snuggles his face into the side of her neck. “But we’re here after nine years—isn’t that funny to think about?” And truth be told, it is comical for you all in this room. Who would have imagined that the cocky (but loser) senior wooed the cold-hearted junior?

“God, get a room!” Yuna frowns as she throws a pillow at the two. “Ruined the mood for all of us single people here—aka me and Changmin.”

You pout at her before saying, “I’m also single.”

“Okay, but you have your senior!” She rolls her eyes as she stands up from the couch. “You all suck, I’m going to dip.” Despite everyone’s attempts to keep her from leaving, she retreated to her room as if she was never there.

Hanhee yawns before she looks down at her phone. “It’s only 10:45 PM? God, I am getting old.” Byungho chuckles the moment she sits up straight. As soon as she stands up from the couch, she grabs onto her fiancé’s arm and pulls him up.

“You kids,” she points at you and Changmin. “Do not stay up too late.”

Byungho rolls his eyes before wrapping his arms around her once more. “Don’t tell them what to do—let them enjoy their break to the fullest.” Despite the frown that stays on Hanhee’s face, she melts into his embrace as he drags them out of the room.

And there remained you two—his hand still intertwined with yours as if you were the last thing he could latch onto. The silence that wraps around you two is deafening, but you are scared to even let out a croak. You spend all the minutes second-guessing what should be done only for your best friend to beat you to it.

“I’m sorry, by the way.” As soon as those words leave his mouth, you cannot help but frown at him. “It wasn’t my place to reveal whatever you have going on with Jacob.”

You cannot help but pout before shaking your head in reassurance. “It’s okay. I’m going to be honest, I didn’t know what to say so I’m glad you took over.”

“You want to talk about it?” Once your best friend asks you that question with a bitter smile, every part of you unwraps itself from its shell—defenseless as a cub during the winter time. You would have bottled it up like always, but the late hours of the day held power unlike no other. In these times, you let every sentiment be shared with him.

“I–I don’t know,” you whisper with your eyes staring into the picture frame that rested on the wall—a picture of Changmin who you can only assume to be around five years old as he stood in a park with his baby blue shirt and orange backpack. You move your intertwined hands to your lap. “I thought it would be unfair to still be confused about how I feel towards Jacob, but the first date solidified my previous thoughts.”

You take a brief glance at the boy who sits beside you only to see that his eyes still remain on you. With no reaction from him, you take this as an opportunity to continue. “Is it weird to want him to be my first boyfriend? Even if I don’t know what to feel towards him?” You let your eyes zero in on your best friend whose shoulders seemingly tensed.

A voice within you was begging for him to know the right words to say, but when he whispers “I–I don’t know,” you find yourself lost in the end. Your best friend did not have the answers to every question you could possibly hold, so why did it matter that he had nothing to offer you now?

“I mean, what happened?” He chokes out the question as he moves his hand away from yours to wrap around your shoulder. “Did the date not go well?”

You shake your head as you watch his free hand reach out for your hand once more. In the way he cradles you, you felt all the walls you built collapse. “It went so well—that’s why I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.” You look back up at your best friend. “I thought that the date would reaffirm my crush on him. But now, I’m kind of left with more things I don’t understand.”

It is not like you went into this world with everything made crystal clear to you. If anything, life always brought uncertainties. But at this exact moment, you only wish for what is certain—what could that possibly be?

“Hey,” he whispers before bringing your head close to his lips. As he brings your temple to his lips, you cannot help but feel your eyes close at the sensation—his lips on your skin as if it were the only thing that could bring you warmth during a snowstorm.

This should not be happening; you knew that this crossed the boundary of what you two drew during your years of friendship. And yet, you wish it could stay like this—you beg for the universe to let it remain this way.

But just as things should be, his lips leave your temple. The absence has you flutter your eyes open. As he draws circles with his thumb on the back of your hand, he says, “I–I get it, there’s a lot of things you don’t understand right now, but don’t pressure yourself into anything.” He takes a deep breath. “Feelings are weird, so just take your time.”

He repeats the first advice he shared with you the night before his competition. And you have no issue with him saying it again, and again, and again because a part of you needed to come to terms with something you kept avoiding—what were you avoiding?

You cannot help but let out a chuckle as your eyes shut close. What would it take for you to be sure of something? Why could you not find yourself jumping head-first with the boy you have fantasized about for years? All these questions and no one could answer but you and the universe.

With eyes still closed, you sigh, “These feelings are going to end up being the reason why I don’t end up getting into a relationship.” Your best friend cannot help but chuckle as he continues his ministrations. “I just,” your eyes open and look down to his hand that wraps around yours. “I look at Minhee and Byungho and your parents, and I beg that I am lucky to have that.”

“And you will have that—it just takes time,” your best friend whispers into your hair. “It took them time.”

You let out a chuckle, and you do not think of the next words that leave your mouth. “God, if we’re still single when we’re thirty, let’s just get married.”

As soon as Changmin stops drawing circles on the back of your hand, that is when you are hit with the reality of what your words meant. What do you mean by getting married at the age of thirty? Why would you even think of getting married to your best friend in the first place?

And you almost blurt out an excuse, until he lets out a chuckle. “When I’m thirty or when you’re thirty?” Warmth occupies every space in your body—it is as if the sun has taken over the snowstorm.

“Maybe when I’m thirty.” You giggle before taking a look at your best friend who seemed to always have his eyes on you. “I might be able to find someone before I turn that age, so I can’t just marry you when I’m twenty-eight.”

He hums before he lets his eyes drift down to your linked hands. “Says the person who doesn’t even know how to feel about their crush liking them back.” As soon as the words drift out of his mouth, you cannot help but gasp.

“Hey!” You exclaim as you use your free hand to smack his arm. While he erupts into laughter, you roll your eyes. “Can’t believe you’re using that against me right now.”

His arm is still wrapped around your shoulders while his free hand still holds yours. You let yourself melt into his embrace before letting out a sigh. Once your head found its spot in the space between his head and shoulder, his chin ever so slightly rests on top of yours.

Nothing needs to be said—the silence that settles is just as comforting as the usual ones you two share. The snow falls; crystals form on the window panes; the night has grown chiller than ever. But you are glad that in the cold, you will always find warmth.

It is 2:26 PM when you and Changmin’s sisters come back home. The three of you decided to spend the day at the mall by yourselves, away from everyone else. In Yuna’s defense, she said that you three needed to have your own hangout without any interference. You had no complaints though—you love the sisters and their company (even more than you like spending time with Changmin).

You shook the snow off your hair as you three stepped into the warm Ji household. While you attempt to remove your shoes, Hanhee sniffles. “God, that was fun! It brings me back to old times.”

“I know, right?” Yuna sighs happily as she sets her shoes aside. She grabs everyone a pair of slippers and hands her sister her pair.

Before she can hand you one, she notices you still struggling to remove your shoes. “Come on,” she says as she reaches her hand out. “You can hand me the gift. I won’t do anything to ruin it.” You roll your eyes as you hand off the plastic bag.

A giggle leaves Hanhee’s mouth as you crouch down to undo the laces. “I’m just saying, I didn’t know you think about him that much—let alone at all.”

“I just thought he would like it,” you shyly admit as you finally get one shoe off. While you work on the other shoe, you say, “I knew he would get upset if I didn’t buy it for him.”

During your time at the mall, your mind was always on a singular thought—a person. In your time shopping with Hanhee and Yuna, you were always looking at items that a particular someone would like; chestnut keychains; small figurines from horror movies; plushies that resembled his pet poodle. You never realized it though, until the sisters had pointed it out for you.

“Since when did you like horror movies?” Your shoulders shoot up at the sudden question. You turn in panic to see Yuna frowning in confusion.

“H-huh? Oh, I don’t,” you say before pointing at the red-faced demon from Insidious. “I just know that Changmin likes the franchise, so I was figuring out whether or not to get it for him. But he doesn’t even collect to begin with.”

“Is that why you were also looking at the stuffed toy a while ago? The one that looks like our dog?” As she asks that question, you raise your eyebrows in shock. You did not know that they noticed you looking through the section that held a variety of animal plushies. Before you could ask, she squints her eyes in suspicion. “You know, I didn’t know you thought about my brother so much.”

“Huh? No, I don’t.” You reel back at her words. “I just know that he would be upset if I didn’t bring him back anything.”

Yuna hums as she continues to stare you down. “I mean, we’re bringing back hotteok for the whole family.”

Before she could say more, Hanhee comes in with a basket full of chocolates hanging off her arms. “Okay, I got what I needed! What about you guys?” Although you nod, there was a battle happening within you—you could not decide what to bring back home for your best friend.

“Just buy the plushie that looks like Gana,” Yuna suggests, which has you snapping out of your thoughts. “I’m sure Changmin would appreciate it since he always misses Gana whenever he leaves Cheongju.”

While Hanhee shoots a confused look at her sister, you let out a sigh before smiling. “Thank you.” While you were making your way back to where the plushies were, Yuna shared her observations with her older sister who could only gasp at the newfound information.

“Whatever you say, Y/N,” Hanhee hums as soon as you finally get your other shoe out. As soon as you set your shoes aside, you grab the slippers and plastic bag from Yuna with a small pout on your face.

You know that if you do not clear it up now, they will go on with their assumptions. With that, you let out a sigh. “It’s not like that,” you start. “I was just thinking that he would appreciate the gift. Also, he let me stay with you guys for the break.” A small smile takes over your face as you look down at the plastic bag.

Once you look back up at the two, you notice their smug expressions. “Whatever, let’s go in. The hotteok will get cold,” Yuna says before opening the door.

As soon as you three step in with slippers on your feet, you are greeted by Byungho whose hair is wet. “Oh, you three are back!” He gives Hanhee a peck on the lips which only has her smile.

“How was helping out appa in the garden?”

Byungho shrugs at Yuna as he wraps his arm around Hanhee’s waist. “Not bad.” But when Yuna raises her eyebrow in confusion, he finds himself fessing up. “Fine, it was hard. I didn’t know shoveling out snow took so much energy and time.”

Hanhee cannot help but shake her head. “Here,” she hands him the box of hotteok. “We thought of bringing back the family something.”

He smiles before unwrapping his arm around her. As he holds the box in his two hands, he says, “Eomma and appa are out to visit the neighbors, so I’ll make sure to save them some.”

“What about Changmin?”

The three look at you the moment you ask that question, only to see you fiddling with the plastic bag. “He’s napping,” Byungho says with a small smile.

You give him a nod before making your way to the living room. On the futon, you spot your best friend whose eyes were closed as he held his dog close to him. The two snore softly—almost as if they had nothing to worry about.

With a small smile on your face, you unzip your padded jacket and remove it before taking a seat on the wooden floor. Right where you sat, your face hovers over him. At this moment, you only realize now that Changmin has grown up since you first got to know him.

His features are the same yet different; his chestnut hair that is sprawled against the pillow is groomed better than his tacky haircut back in high school; the baby fat he used to have in his cheeks has almost vanished; his jaw is more defined than you first remember it to be.

But past all these changes, he is still the boy you worked with in your high school’s publication team; the one who manages to rile you up on the days you do not want your patience to be tested; the guy who has taken care of you after every party; the best friend who has permanently carved his place in your life.

As you continue to look at his sleeping figure while his sisters and Byungho continue to chatter away in the kitchen, you cannot help but feel your heart warm at the sight. The smile that shows on your lips is undeniable—anyone who could see you right now would misunderstand.

But the voice in the back of your head almost begs that everyone would misinterpret it all—god, what were you even thinking? How could you even think of such nonsense? And yet, you only push those questions further back in your mind. All you care about at that moment is him—not you.

When your hand reaches out to swoop away the hair that rests near his eyes, you notice how he frowns at the sudden sensation. You hold back a giggle and retract your hand. When you set the plastic bag down on the floor, it rustles. And before you know it, Gana’s eyes start to open.

The moment he sees you, he snarls and jumps out of your best friend’s grasp. The sudden action causes Changmin to slowly wake up from his nap. Upon hearing the barking, he quickly sits up only to see you in cahoots—your face is all scrunched up as you try to hold his dog back from chewing you up.

“Oh my god, Gana!” He exclaims as he quickly grabs his dog from your hands. Although his pet continues to snarl at you, he pets him in hopes that he will calm down.

“Gana hates me.” His eyes trail up only to see you shaking your head. “He’s so defensive when it comes to you.”

Your best friend cannot help but chuckle as he tries to distract his dog from your presence. With just a few more pats, Gana started to slowly calm down. “When did you guys get back?”

With how groggy he sounds, you cannot help but giggle. “Just a few minutes ago,” you start as you fold your padded jacket. “We have hotteok in the kitchen if you want.”

All he does is hum before kissing Gana’s head. “Go to Yuna noona, okay?” He talks in a baby-like voice and nuzzles his face once more into Gana’s head. Somehow, his pet poodle understood and ran off to the kitchen, leaving you two alone.

Your best friend’s eyes zero in on the plastic bag that settles on the floor. “What’s that?” With a small smile, you grab onto it.

“Well, when we were going shopping, I stumbled upon something that you might like,” you start as you twirl the bag around. “It was either this or some small figurine from Insidious.” Once you hand it to Changmin, he cannot help but frown in confusion.

As his hand reaches into the bag, his fingers graze against something soft. His frown gets deeper and you can only laugh. Once he pulls out the item, his eyes land on a brown stuffed toy—one that resembles Gana in almost every way possible. His mouth parts open as he spins the toy around to admire it.

“I know that whenever you leave Cheongju, you always find yourself missing Gana. So when I spotted this, I thought of buying it for you—just so that this can at least make up for his absence.” With his eyes still on the toy, you do not know if you should anymore. You take a deep breath before saying, “I also thought that it would be a good way to thank you. I mean, you let me crash your winter break.”

As soon as his eyes drift away from the plushie and then towards you, you let out a shy chuckle. “You know I just–”

And before you know it, he wraps his arms around your shoulders and brings you into that all-knowing warm embrace. You feel your breath hitch in your throat as he holds you close, but you remember that it is just him who has the privilege of holding you this close.

It is only a few seconds later that he realizes he has hugged you without you initiating it. Out of all people, he knew fully well that you were often uncomfortable during these situations. But before he can unwrap his arms around you, your arms wrap around his waist and hold him as close as you could.

The moment he feels you ease into the embrace makes him smile. “Thank you,” he whispers into your shoulder before nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. As you feel his slow and steady breath on the right side of your neck, you cannot help but close your eyes.

You and Changmin knew each other in every way possible—in every aspect you two willingly shared. Every left shoe had to come with a right one; rain is followed with sunshine; linked arms always came with bruised hearts—there is no other way to capture you two.

It is 7:42 PM. Tomorrow, you and Changmin have to go back to your apartments since the second semester will commence three days from now. The time you spent in the Ji household is unlike no other—you hope you can visit again during the upcoming breaks. You did not want to say goodbye to it all; the home-cooked meals Changmin’s mom provided; the spicy tteokbokki Minho always prepared for you only; the town that you grew up in.

“I don’t want to go back tomorrow,” you whine as you stand in the kitchen while holding a cup of jujube tea that Hanhee prepared for you. “I just want to stay in Cheongju with you guys.”

The weather is still cold as ever; the crystals on the window panes have grown frustrating to look at; the snow that piles on the lawn is immovable; the idea of walking out of the house is unimaginable.

Yuna laughs while leaning on the kitchen counter before taking a sip of her tea. “You know we won’t be here either, right? You’ll be staying with our parents.”

“I don’t mind.”

The sisters shake their heads with smiles on their faces. “I’m sure our parents wouldn’t mind either, but you have to continue with your studies,” says Hanhee.

With a frown on your face, you retort, “Well, I could still drop out.”

She crosses her arms as she raises her eyebrows at you. “Okay, and you’ll do what?”

“Well,” you pause as you take a moment to think. You scrambled for ideas, only to blubber them out without a second thought.

“I could work with your dad with gardening stuff!”

Yuna scoffs, “You can’t even take care of plants.”

“Well, Minho would most definitely offer me a job at his restaurant.”

“Minho is not looking to hire someone,” Hanhee counters.

You scratch the back of your neck. “I’m sure someone will need me here.”

“And your parents will scold you for not continuing your education. Do you want that?” The moment Yuna asks you that has you pouting.

“I was just kidding,” you whisper before taking another sip of your tea.

The sister lets out a sigh before saying, “We know that. You know, just enjoy your college years! You’re only in your second year anyway.” While she shoots you a smile, you cannot help but frown. “I know, university is hard. I’ve gone through it all, but I would much prefer undergoing those years, again and again, rather than facing what adulthood has forced upon me.”

As soon as Yuna looks at her sister, Hanhee takes it as a sign to continue the thought. “Yeah, it’s not fun working an 8-5 hour desk job while having to worry about taxes or groceries.” When she thinks of more things to complain about, you notice the way she almost physically reels at the thought. “Jesus, I hate being a working adult. I realized I need to pay my statement to the bank every month and work ungodly hours to provide barely for me and Byungho.”

The moment your expression shifts from its frown to a terrified one, Yuna decides to cut her sister off. “Okay, let’s not scare Y/N too much,” she chuckles as she sets her cup on the counter. “Adulthood is scary, but you’ll get through it. Yeah, fuck having to pay bills or balancing chores all while working how many hours. But trust me, you will manage.”

Although Yuna attempts to ease your anxieties, you feel the floor swallow you whole. All the times you said you felt secure in your future—lies. It is always about deluding yourself into being okay with everything, but the reality is that you are dreading every second that passes.

“Oh my god, Y/N!” Hanhee snaps her fingers to get you out of your thoughts. When your eyes settle on her, you notice the small reassuring smile that rests on her lips. “I promise, you’ll be okay.” She walks to you and wraps her arm around you. “Most especially if you have someone to lean on throughout the journey.”

As she says those words, you frown. “What are you trying to insinuate?”

“Me?” She laughs as she drops her arm from your shoulders. “I’m not insinuating anything… unless you are?”

Everyone in the kitchen knew what her words entailed, and you did not want to acknowledge whatever they speculated about your feelings. You have full control over what you feel—you are not going to allow others’ opinions to influence you.

You roll your eyes before finishing the remnants of your tea. “Whatever,” you mutter as you wash the cup. “There’s nothing going on.” Once you set it aside to dry, you spin around to see the two raise their eyebrows at you.

“Whatever, we’ll leave you to your loverboy.” The moment Yuna says that makes you gasp, making your eyes face towards the living room where Changmin is busy playing with Gana.

“You can’t say that out loud!” You scold her as quietly as possible.

The sisters burst into giggles before taking their cups of tea in their hands. “We’re going to our rooms. You two have fun.” They do not attempt to listen to your protests as they make their way out of the kitchen. Now, you are left on your own while your friends think whatever they want to think.

As you let out a sigh, you allow your feet to take you to the living room. Upon entering, your eyes land on your best friend who sat in front of his dog while holding up the plushie you got him. His eyes hold every possible star in the universe as he plays with his one and only.

“Gana! Look at this, it’s you!” Changmin coos at his dog who only stares up at him in confusion. Although he shakes the toy at him, Gana stays stuck in place as he tilts his head.

Before you know it, you let out a chuckle at the sight. As your best friend turns his head towards you, he shoots you a grin—one that has been permanently stamped into your memories only for you to remember.

Once he diverts his attention from his pet, the dog cannot help but bark at him. He lets out a sigh before dropping the plushie and wrapping his arms around Gana. “You are so needy, you know that? Just like Y/N over there.” The moment he points at you makes you gasp.

“I am not needy.” Despite your attempt to defend yourself, your best friend only rolls his eyes.

“I’ve known you for five years. You are needy, even needier than Sunwoo,” he says, which only has you frowning. As he sees your expression shift, he cannot help but laugh. “C’mon, sit with me.”

When he says those words, the poodle in his arms starts to growl. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” you say as you look back at the dog who has his eyes on you.

Despite Gana’s behavior, Changmin shakes his head before saying, “Trust me, just sit down.” With his pleading eyes staring right at you, you felt helpless to his requests. Even if a dog were to bite your hand off, you wanted to follow his requests. And somehow, you found yourself taking a seat on the floor right beside him.

Gana starts to bark which only makes you put some distance between you and Changmin. However, as your best friend starts to stroke the dog’s fur, you notice the way Gana starts to calm down.

“What we’re going to do today is get Gana used to you.” As the words leave his mouth, you look at him with wide eyes. Upon seeing your reaction, he cannot help but chuckle. “It is possible. You see the bag of treats on the coffee table?” You turn your head to spot what he was talking about. “Just get some—he’s usually weak to treats.”

You shoot him an unsure look, almost betting every poker chip that this would not go well. But when he shows you his reassuring smile, you feel all resolve crumble just like that. As your hand reaches out into the bag, you grab a small handful of dog treats.

“Okay, keep your hand closed first,” he says as soon as you bring your hand out. “Place it near Gana’s snout and he’ll smell the treats.” You follow his instructions, allowing the defensive dog to place his nose near your hand.

As soon as Gana gets a whiff of the dog treats, he continues to smell your hand. “Okay, you can open it now.” And as you follow his instructions, the poodle starts to eat the treats out of your hand. You cannot hide the shocked expression on your face. “See, he’ll start warming up to you.” Your eyes snap back up at Changmin who was smiling at his dog getting along with his best friend.

Since you first arrived at the Ji household, Gana has always remained hostile against you. And just after following your best friend’s instructions, the poodle was slowly getting used to you. You knew that Gana’s assertive nature only came from a place of wanting to protect his owner—who would not want to protect a boy like him?

This continued for a few more rounds until Changmin felt like that was enough treats for Gana to trust you. “Okay, let him sniff your hand once more.” As you follow his orders, his dog sniffs your skin. “Now, you can pet him.”

“Are you sure?” You ask as your eyes snap back up to him.

When you are only met with a nod, your eyes fall back on Gana who continues to sniff you. Once your hand raises from its position, you notice how his eyes follow it. The moment you find your hand stroking on the fur that rested on his back is almost as magical for everyone—the way Gana finds himself enjoying your touch is something you do not expect.

“Oh my god, he’s back to liking me again,” you whisper which has your best friend giggling.

Nothing needed to be said at that moment—the silence that falls on you three is comfortable. Your eyes always found themselves flickering between your best friend and his dog who only seemed to care about each other’s comfort. You do not miss the way Changmin smiles over how Gana closes his eyes at the sensation.

Seeing him like this—all soft and playful with someone he adores—tugs on your heartstrings. In your years of knowing him, you always knew of his soft spot for his dog. But something about this particular moment made it different. As your eyes zero in on the guy who sits next to you, you start to see every memory play out.

The first time you see him in your high school’s club room is almost an experience you will never forget. With the ways your hands clammed up at the sight of the intimidating boy, you can remember every thought running through your mind—the most memorable one being “resign from the newspaper team.” Can you believe it took you two being forced to work together that started your friendship?

You do not forget about all the times he came to you with a grin plastered on his face while he held the latest broadsheet that held your bylines together. With every article published, he never fails to mention how proud he is of you.

And with every dance competition you watch, you always see Changmin and Sunwoo achieve even higher than what their dreams set them up for. For every medal and trophy won, you never forget to tell the two how happy you are to have them as your best friends.

When Changmin’s graduation came, you will never forget the tears that streamed down yours and Sunwoo’s faces. Even on his special day, his two best friends could not help but be crybabies. You do not forget about the way he wiped the tears away with a smile that only provided you more comfort than words ever could.

On the day you and Sunwoo graduated, you can never forget how you two leaped at the sight of Changmin back in Cheongju. His arms wrapped around you two as if you were the last things on earth he could hold onto. That day only ended on a high note—one that you can hope to chase.

And when you first entered university and got accepted into the publication team, you will never forget how his expression shifted into genuine joy. The words he told you on that day are some you will never forget: “Every day, you are destined for greatness.”

With every lunch, you never forget how you find your heart leaping at the sight of him waiting outside of your classroom. In the same way you wait for him after class, you notice how his expression shifts from exhaustion to happiness. He never forgets to link arms with you every time you make your way to the picnic table you two consider your hideout.

The moment you share about your crush on the unattainable senior in your staff only had him laughing. And yet, he still indulged in your love-drunk rambles (even if nothing happened between you two). He never rained on your love train for all he seemed to care about is that you tell him everything.

When you bring Chanhee into your friend group, you do not forget how he connected with your two childhood best friends in an instant. The addition of Chanhee into your group of three made sense—you would not be the people you are today if someone were to be removed.

And at every party, Changmin always took care of you in your intoxicated state. Every time you needed to puke your guts out or desperately needed to drink water, he was always there to keep you company—to hold back your hair or bring you enough water that would help in sobering you up.

With every sentimental talk you two share, you never fail to see his attentive eyes on you—the way he holds onto your hand whenever you find yourself being vulnerable with him has become an ingrained action of his. And with every time you like to downplay every issue you face, he is always there to remind you of what you seemingly deserve.

Everywhere he goes, he brings warmth—one that you never feel from anyone else. Just from his existence, you always find yourself thanking the universe for bringing him to you. Because even if he loved to make fun of you in every way possible, you knew that it all came from a place of care—a place of love.

And just like that, you feel the crushing weight on your heart lifted. The moment of clarity finally pushed you to open your arms to what you had been tiptoeing around.

Oh.

It is not as scary as you made it out to be. “I think I like you.” You do not realize the words you whisper under your breath without any second thought. It is soft just like how water slowly trickles down a faucet. But even the droplet sounds are ones you never want to hear on a quiet night.

You clear your throat loudly in hopes that it would cover up what you slipped out. “God, are you okay?” Your best friend asks as soon as your hand retreats from petting Gana.

With you shaking your head, you say, “Yeah! I think it’s just the cold weather getting to me.” You push yourself off the floor so that you can stand up. “I think I’ll just stay in my room and pack up for tomorrow.” Although his eyebrows furrow at your odd behavior, you do not allow him to say anything as you quickly make your way out of the living room.

On your way back to the room, you could only mentally scold yourself for coming to such a revelation—for even whispering such words without any second thought. You can only hope that your words were not heard by him. And while you found yourself panicking over the moment that occurred only minutes ago, your best friend was having an internal debate on whether he heard you say the words he has been dreaming of.

if you liked this, please take some time to like and reblog this and part one!

#zzoguri feedbacks #dora 🥀#thank you!!

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gluion · 1 year ago

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ally you are the SWEETEST PERSON EVER. THIS WHOLE POST MAKES ME SO ☹️☹️☹️ because u are my first mutual and first person to ever leave feedback on my works in deobiblr like im forever grateful for u </3

i like to think that both sunwoo and chanhee were always supportive to both changmin and reader not only because they thought the two were cute together but just how right they feel together, you know? and i think i appreciate that never once did they try to invalidate reader’s or changmin’s struggles or feelings :’) esp for sunwoo, he has known these two the longest so he knows how hard it can be for the two to open up abt certain things. i just love how they heard reader out :’)

please im so glad these scenes also translated well for you :’) like it makes me so happy really and i just love the live reactions i got in my dms

i lobe you so much ally ☹️☹️☹️ thank u for always being my first supporter and friend on here </3 it means so much to me forever!!

[part three] of linked arms and bruised hearts (you are the reason i keep on going) ➵ ji changmin

non-idol!ji changmin x reader, slight non-idol!jacob bae x reader

genre/warnings ➵ friends to lovers, slow burn, so much FLUFF, afab reader (they/them pronouns), slice of life, so much platonic love in general, suggestive themes, expect a lot of sentimental talks and bantering between changmin and reader, a lot of publication talk (a lot heavier for this chapter but i swear it plays a big role!! sorry i am a writer), light angst on jacob's end (i'm sorry baby), kind of shit opinion piece though (i literally don't know how to write that shit i'm sorry for the writers who read this and are knowledgeable about it!!) kissing and poetic words both from reader and changmin, very minimal chanhee x hyunjae x younghoon, a lot of tearjerker moments

word count ➵ 26k words

parts ➵ check out the series masterlist

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @blankjournal @winterchimez @sungbeam @miusgirl @jenoscafe @sweet-unicorn-world @mosviqu @vernyangel

a/n ➵ oh i can't believe i finally finished this :') i'm very sad that i have concluded the journey of reader, changmin, chanhee, sunwoo, kevin, and jacob. this story feels more like a commemoration of friendships under the guise of a romance-centric one, if i'm going to be honest. and i'm glad i took my time crafting a universe that shows just how strong and beautiful friendships are overall. i hope that this fic brought you as much comfort as i did writing it </3 you can check my full author’s note here. i would really appreciate it if you could take the time to reblog this.

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! main masterlist

When the morning comes, every part of you is ridden with anxiety. Not a wink of sleep was gotten as your mind kept drifting everywhere. How can you like your best friend? This is Changmin; the one who intimidated you at the first meeting; the one who likes to make fun of you and your stupid decisions. This is the same boy who you saw in that god-forbidden shaggy haircut back in high school.

And how did it take five years for you to figure that out? Have you just always liked him? That would be impossible, right? And are you even sure you like him like that? Is this not another case of you mistaking platonic love for a romantic one?

Your eyes look at the clock that sits on the bedside table, showing that it is 9:24 AM. With a sigh, you look up to the ceiling with a rattled brain. Clouds of thoughts kept appearing even in your exhausted state. What does it mean to like your best friend? Is this not a threat to the friendship you have spent building over the years?

And yet, when the image of Changmin comes into your mind, you almost want to scream. Even the thought of him makes you want to vomit your guts out. Your best friend is just an average-looking guy. How can you like him after liking Jacob? God, do you not like the senior anymore?

Before you can entertain such thoughts, you hear someone knock on the door. You quickly sit up and rub your eyes before getting off the bed. In hopes you have gotten rid of any possible sign of exhaustion, you open the door expecting to be met with one of Changmin’s sisters or his mom. But when your eyes land on the boy who has occupied every corner of your mind, your eyes widen in shock.

There he stood—fluffy hair and the same white shirt and navy shorts that you saw him in last night. His face was somewhat puffy from the sleep, but you could notice that his eyes were still droopy. And you fully expect yourself to snap back to reality—remember that he is just an average guy who happens to be your best friend. But god, the sight of him makes you realize that he is nothing like that. This particular view of him is almost too domestic, one that makes you imagine what it would be like to fall asleep and wake up in his embrace. And oh god, he is so absolutely fucked for showing up at your door like this.

At the sight of your shocked expression, Changmin cannot help but furrow his eyebrows. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you choke out quickly as your expression starts to ease back to some normalcy. “W–what’s up?”

With narrow eyes, he says, “Uh, I just wanted to make sure you were awake. We’ll leave after lunch to catch the 2 PM train back.” As soon as you shoot him nothing but a nod, he looks you up and down. “... Okay, I’ll see you in the living room.” After giving him another nod, you quickly shut the door. You let your forehead rest on the door.

When it comes to having a crush, it is nothing but an easy ride, almost like breaking into a new pair of shoes. But liking your best friend? It is only a slippery slope, one that has you falling into the unexpected—the question is if you will come out with linked arms or a bruised heart.

“Y/N-ah, I don’t want you to leave on New Year’s,” Changmin’s mom says with her arms wrapped around you. As your chin rests on her shoulder, your eyes land on your best friend who is hugging his dad goodbye. “I mean,” she stops hugging you and rests her hands on your shoulders. “I just loved having you around the house. It feels like old times when you and Sunwoo would keep me company when Changmin went off to college.” The bittersweet smile on her face is a reminder of how much you have grown to be part of the family.

“Eomma, I’ll be back,” you assure her with a soft smile. She pinches your cheek just like how she first saw you back in the Ji household.

As soon as she lets go of you, she approaches her son to engulf him in a hug. You always knew that his mother misses his presence even more with every day that passes. So when it comes to seeing Changmin melt into his mother’s embrace, you feel your heartstrings tug at the sight. You do not listen to their conversation for it is their moment to share.

Once the two stopped hugging each other, Changmin quickly walked to the spot beside you. “I’ll see you again for graduation.” And when he suddenly links his arm with yours, your breath hitches. It is not that you are uncomfortable doing such in front of his family. Rather, it is your newfound feelings that make you hyperaware of every action.

But when his family shoots you two warm smiles, you feel your shoulders let loose. “You two take care of each other, okay?” His dad orders. And when you take a look at the boy who stands beside you, his eyes are already on you.

“Of course,” your best friend says with his eyes still on you. When his lips turn into a smile, every part of you finds itself melting. “We’ll always have each other.” The moment he looks away from you has you snapping your head back to the family in front of you. You do not miss the teasing smiles that come from his sisters.

“I’m glad you two have each other until now.” Yuna takes a glance at her sister. “I mean, you can see how Hanhee and Byungho are still together—I’m sure it’ll be the same for you two.”

You find yourself flustered over her statement, only realizing the hidden implications of her comparing you two with the other pair. But when you hear your best friend hum, you look at him to only see that godforsaken smile. His grin does nothing but wonders for you; it tugs on your heartstrings; it eases all your anxieties; it proves that everything good in this world is stored in one human named Ji Changmin.

And his reaction only has you hoping for the same thing for you and your best friend. Because who cares if you started to like him in that way? On New Year’s, you are still with him. What matters most is that you guys will stick like glue until the end—your friend group should remain together and withstand the test of time.

“Hey, you’ll be late for your train back,” Hanhee speaks up with a bittersweet smile on her face. When you look down at your phone, you notice that there are fifteen minutes left until the train departs.

With a sigh, you say, “Thank you again, and happy new year! I’ll see you again.” And just like that, you and Changmin bid farewell to the Ji family and your home as well.

Leaving Cheongju will never be easy. This town has everything you grew up with; the swing set that Sunwoo pushed you off too hard which caused the scar on your knee; the marts your friend group of three would rush to once you were dismissed; the familiar faces of your best friends’ families. And having to say goodbye to this place almost felt like saying farewell to a piece of you that you never want to let go.

But the reality is that you are not leaving forever—it is only a “see you” until you close the chapter you are currently in. And the past still lives within you, for you are a kaleidoscope of everything that you have learned to love, hate, and grow with.

You and Changmin dragged the luggage with arms still linked with one another until you finally arrived at the platform. Once your best friend shows your tickets to the man stationed, he gives you a nod and allows you to enter the train.

The two of you walked until you stood in front of your booked seats. Before you could grab onto your luggage, your best friend has already carried it to store in the overhead bin. “Hey, I can handle it.”

Changmin cannot help but chuckle at your statement. “Just take a seat.” You roll your eyes before taking a seat by the window. As soon as your best friend stores his luggage beside yours, he takes his spot in the chair beside you and lets out a sigh. Before you know it, the doors have closed and you are on your way back to university.

You cannot help but look through the window. Your eyes catch sight of the town you had to say goodbye to; some buildings have lost their color; the snow is slowly melting away; unfamiliar faces spread throughout the settlement. The city is not the same, but it will always be the place you love.

“Leaving Cheongju is never easy.” You are snapped out of your thoughts by your best friend who suddenly shares his thoughts. Once you look at him, you notice a sigh leave his mouth as his eyes look through the window. “I get homesick, especially when I think about Gana or Minho’s tteokbokki. I can only imagine how much harder it is for you since you haven’t been here in years.”

And you thought you would agree with his last sentence because this town carries everything that matters—from the memories to the people that you grew up with. But when you look at him, you allow yourself to smile. There is a reason why you were able to withstand being away from Cheongju—it just so happens to be because of the boy who sits beside you.

“You know what got me through it all?” As soon as he looks at you with furrowed eyebrows, you grab his hand to intertwine your fingers with his. “You. You’re a piece of Cheongju that will heal me of anything.”

You do not miss the way his eyes widen at your words. But the moment he starts to smile is something you will forever imprint on your mind. You look back through the window and notice that the scenery has changed to the rural areas.

“I never got to say this but I saw the stack you kept—the clippings of my articles from university.” When you feel his grip suddenly become looser, you look at your best friend whose face is painted with shock. “I never knew you would continue keeping my articles like you did back in high school.”

His gaze softens. “Of course I do, you’re my favorite writer.” You pout at his words. “I look forward to your articles. You’re doing good work, always.”

Everything about his words will remind you of a love so pure—one that you know you have the privilege of experiencing. You know you are lucky to have a best friend like him. Not everyone can say they are supported by someone in the same way he supports you. And you are thankful for everything he has done for you.

You look away from him so that you can rest your head on his shoulder. As you look at the passing scenery of greens and blues, you smile to yourself. “Happy New Year, Changmin,” you whisper out. You feel the way his shoulders move as he slowly breathes in and out. “I’m glad that we found our way to each other.”

The two of you sit in silence. The ever-changing scenery is enough to keep you distracted. But most of all, his heat is enough to lull you into slumber—one that you can only imagine how it would be like to fall asleep and wake up in his embrace. Another year has passed and you two are still together—you can only hope for a lifetime with him.

After getting off the train, you two continued to hold hands while making your way to the taxi stand. The area is not too busy despite it being New Year’s which would make it easy for you to find a ride back to your place. But a part of you wishes that there were long lines of people trying to catch a ride—maybe then it would be the perfect excuse to still stay with your best friend.

You turn your head to the right to face the guy who still held your hand. He lets out a sigh with a downcast gaze. “I guess this is where we part ways for now,” he mumbles before looking back at you.

“Yeah.” You smile as you turn your body to face him. “Thank you, again.” You look down at your hand that holds his. “I’m glad you let me spend time with you and your family for the break. I thought I would be fine staying at home but I realized that I would’ve been too lonely in the end.”

As soon as you let out a deep breath, you look back up to him who has a smile. “Hey, I’m glad you joined us. I’m sure my family loved having you over and would definitely keep the offer available anytime.”

For a moment, you two just smile at each other and occasionally look down at your linked hands. You both knew you were going to see each other in a few days, so why did it feel hard to say goodbye for now?

And before you know it, Changmin pulls your hand close to him so that he can bring you into an embrace. Your breath hitches at the sudden action—you are sure he heard it.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–” Your arms find themselves wrapping around his waist before he can remove his off of you.

“It’s okay,” you whisper into his ear as your chin rests on his shoulder. “Just–let’s just stay like this.” And he followed, bringing you closer to him. He found his face snuggled against your shoulder.

Your eyes close for a moment. As your mind replays the events of the trip, you let out a sigh of contentment. You expected your break to be another time of slouching around doing absolutely nothing. Yet, this trip healed you of everything—it allowed you to live the life that you never gave yourself to reminisce about since entering university. But most of all, it gave you a moment of clarity that you desperately needed.

As soon as your arms started to loosen their grip on his waist, his arms let go of you. You two stood in front of each other with small smiles. “I’ll see you in two days, okay?” When you earn a nod from him, you look at the line of taxis. And before you know it, you dragged yourself and your luggage to one of the cars, not looking back to your best friend.

“What could you have possibly needed me for that could not wait until the semester started?” Sunwoo groans as he flops down on the chair by your desk. Currently, you are sitting up in your bed with your iPad lying around.

“Well, the semester is tomorrow! And I’m sure you would want to hear this.” Despite your attempt to explain your urgency (which is practically forcing him to visit you as soon as he arrives back), your best friend cannot help but frown at you.

It has been a day since you last saw Changmin—two days since you came to terms with your feelings toward him. Since the revelation, you have not gotten a wink of sleep. You were up in your thoughts as you kept constantly debating whether what you felt was platonic or romantic.

So when you called your best friend about a supposed emergency without allowing him to ask any questions, he had to hear you out. “Have you noticed that I haven’t unpacked my shit? I practically came rushing here!”

“And that’s how I know you’re a good friend.”

He stands up and says, “I’m going to leave now.”

“No! Wait!” Your frazzled reaction has him eyeing you down. As soon as you let out a sigh, you say, “Please, it is urgent. I’ll even treat you to lunch and help you unpack.” You look down at your hands. “I need to let this out or it will eat me up.”

The moment you let those words leave your mouth, you look back up to see Sunwoo with a worried expression. And just like that, he brings the chair closer to your bed so that he is within arms-length from you. He takes a seat and says, “Okay, I’m here. Tell me what’s going on.”

You find your eyes falling back to your hands that pick on the skin around your nails. It is silent for a moment. Your best friend gives you the time you need to muster up the courage to say what is on your mind. The moment your eyes land back on the boy who sits on the chair, you feel the words get stuck in your throat.

“I–god, this is harder than I thought,” you laugh to yourself as you shake your head.

Sunwoo chuckles. “You’re okay, it’s just me.”

You let out a sigh before sharing, “I think something changed during that trip.” When you are met with his confused expression, you scratch the back of your neck. “I think I like Changmin.”

“You do?!” The way Sunwoo shoots up from his seat has you clutching your chest, shocked by his sudden outburst.

“Jesus, Sunwoo! You practically gave me a heart attack.” Although you scold him, he pays no attention to whatever you have to say.

“I can’t believe you like Changmin!”

You roll your eyes. “I said I think, I’m not sure if I do yet.”

“You said yet. Oh my god, you do like him!” The boy continues to exclaim despite your annoyed expression.

You let out a frustrated sigh as you bite the inside of your cheek. “Okay, maybe I do.” As you whisper those words, you hear the way Sunwoo gasps. “But I don’t know if this is just me mistaking platonic love with romantic one like before with, you know, you.”

All your best friend does is roll his eyes. “Okay, but this is different!” Despite the worry-free smile on his face, you frown.

“How is it any different? Sunwoo, this is me liking my Changmin out of the blue. I’m pretty sure my crush on you played out the same way,” you argue before crossing your arms.

You expect some type of explanation from your best friend. Maybe he could give you some clarity since you desperately need it. But you are met with an answer that does nothing to help you out. “I don’t know—it just is.” You cannot help but let out a sigh. “Okay, why don’t you give me the full story first? Maybe I can help you out,” he offers with a smile as he grabs onto your shoulder.

And just like that, you gave him a recap of what occurred between you and Changmin during the trip—when you found the stack of clippings of your recent articles from the university’s papers to the hug you shared before parting ways. Every time you mentioned a new moment shared, you always found yourself looking up to your best friend who only listened. For once, he did not react or comment like he used to when you shared about your adventures with Jacob.

The moment you finish sharing, Sunwoo lets out a hum as his hands find their place back in the pocket of his hoodie. “You know, Y/N, I think you should just allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. Let it play out, and everything will make sense to you.” He watches you look down at your hands once more. “I know I say this all the time but I mean it, especially now. You’ll only be able to figure this out only with time.”

You hate that your best friend makes sense. When you opened up about your hesitation regarding what you want with Jacob, Sunwoo and Changmin always told you that only time could tell you such. And you did listen to their advice—only to be led to a spot where you are now liking the one person you did not want to jeopardize your friendship with.

“Hey, I know that look,” Sunwoo snaps you out of your thoughts. “You need to stop thinking too hard about it, and just let yourself feel what you want to feel.”

“But I don’t want to ruin what I already have with Changmin just because I can’t figure out if these newfound feelings are genuine or just from me being lonely,” you counter.

Your hesitation is valid. Considering that these feelings you harbor are towards your best friend, the stakes seem higher. You do not want your own emotions to throw away years of friendship. So you hope that Sunwoo can give you the answer that will ease all your worries.

Your best friend bites the inside of his cheek as he stares you down. “Y/N, I’ll ask you this: Do you love him?” As your eyebrows shoot up at his sudden use of the ‘l’ term, he shakes his head. “I’m talking about in general—don’t think about the romantic or platonic bullshit.”

Of course, you do—you love your best friends for they have been with you for every achievement and hardship faced. The love you have for the three demons is something that can never be challenged. You are here because they are your reasons to keep on going, no matter how difficult the journey may be.

Although you give him a nod, he sighs. Confused by his reaction, you find yourself frowning. That is until he asks you another question. “Is the love that you feel for him the same type that you experience with me or Chanhee?” And just like that, you feel your breath hitch. The frown leaves your face as your eyes widen at the sudden question.

Sunwoo shows you a small smile. “I think you know your answer then.”

The second semester has commenced. Although you expect to find yourself sitting with your friends by the spot that you four sort of claim, you are sitting in Morning Roasters alone. The thing is you are waiting for someone in particular to come—the 5th-year who is not as unattainable as you thought would be.

You two were supposed to schedule another date as soon as the second semester came. Jacob actually messaged you first regarding your availability. But when you told him that you needed to have a sit down with him, he then knew that the date would have to wait.

When he comes into the cafe, your eyes lock with his. You expect to see that typical smile that he always flashes at you. But instead, he only shows you a small one—almost bittersweet. The moment he takes a seat on the chair across from you, you take a sip of your chai latte.

“Hi, Jacob,” you greet him with a small smile. “I’m sorry about this. I just need to talk to you about something before we plan anything.” The chuckle that leaves your mouth is awkward.

“It’s fine,” he voices out, finally showing you that sweet smile. “I don’t mind seeing you—with or without dates.” Guilt rips and tears every part of you.

You both know what is going to be said. If anything, his words are an indicator that he prepared for your news—one that will break his heart. You wish that it did not have to play out like this, but it would be unfair to you both if you kept going on these dates without being honest.

Sighing, you manage to start, “Jacob, I really like you.” You slip out an embarrassing chuckle which only makes him smile. “I remember the first time I met you was at that one meeting Kevin held for the Features staff. I was the new recruit, and I can remember how scared I was until my eyes landed on you.”

“You know, the aura you brought around is just so comforting, and I think that’s what made me drawn to you. I have always thought of you as the senior who I want to be around—to get to know more throughout my stay. And when I didn’t get that opportunity to work with you in my first year, I thought you would only remain that unattainable senior who would plague my mind with ‘what-ifs’.” Your eyes drift down to your hands that are folded on your lap.

“I can remember how much I talked about you to my best friends. I mean, not only were you kind but you’re an amazing writer. I hoped that by some miracle, I could work with you. And somehow, the universe listened.” You now look up to the boy who sits there with a small smile. “In my time working with you, I have enjoyed every interview, every section close, every unofficial date. And I got to know you more outside of the persona I’ve created in my mind.”

You have only said good things because Jacob is nothing but good. In your time knowing him, he has shown you genuineness and kindness. He is everything green—from the way he treats you to the way he handles every article with utmost care. The 5th-year is who you should desire, and yet, you cannot bring yourself to do so.

“To me, you are a friend who I know I can enjoy my time with, whether in silence or work. I know I can go to you when I need company at parties or even just for meals. But at the end of it all, you are still the senior who I idolize. And I think I confused the idea of love with admiration.” As soon as those words leave your mouth, you notice the way he looks down at his lap.

Now, the smiles are gone from both of your faces. This confrontation is everything but easy. No matter how much Jacob seems to like you, your initial impression of your sentiments played out differently. There is no way to force your feelings to play out differently, and you both knew that.

“I–I’m sorry,” you choke out. “I wanted to give this a shot by letting time do its wonders, but I think that it just proved that my feelings now won’t waver.”

Jacob nods before his eyes reach yours. “Not even a second date can change it?” You know it is his attempt to make a joke. But with a smile on your face, you shake your head. From your answer, he nods. “I guess I missed my chance.”

For a moment, silence settles between you two. The tunes of jazz continue to play out softly through the speakers scattered around the cafe. The two of you continue to look into each other’s eyes as you let the news settle.

That is until he decides to break it with a question. “Y/N, can I ask you something?” When you shoot him a nod, he asks, “Do you think you would have given us a shot when you were a first-year?”

You bite the inside of your cheek. You have definitely thought about it—maybe you and Jacob would have had a chance if you worked together in your first year. And maybe you would have gone on more dates and eventually found yourself genuinely falling in love with the senior. What could have transpired between you two may have been a love story sweet like no other. But all these are just ‘what ifs’—that type of story playing out is not certain.

“I don’t know,” you find yourself admitting with your eyes now trailing down to the cup of chai latte that sits on the table. “I would like to think that it could’ve happened, but we’ll never know for sure.”

He lets out a sigh. For a while, he does not say anything. But when he asks the question “We can still be friends though, right?”, you quickly nod your head.

“Of course, Jacob. I value the friendship we’ve built.” You notice the smile that shows on his lips. “And it would be awkward if we break off ties since we work together.”

He laughs at what you say, shaking his head. “You’re right. And knowing Kevin, he’ll make us write together again.” He takes a moment to breathe. “I like writing with you, so I hope for more chances to have our bylines beside each other before I graduate.”

And you cannot help but feel heartache over his words. Jacob has only shown you nothing but tenderness. Even after shattering the possibility of you two ever being together, he still treats you with so much care. You know that it would be a privilege for anyone to be liked by Jacob—you are glad to say you got a taste of what it would be like to have a future with him.

“I do, too. I like working with you, and I’m glad that joining the publication helped me find my way to you.” As you say those words, you notice a bittersweet smile that paints his face.

Saying goodbye to a future that you fantasized about is difficult. You hate that all the scenarios you imagined of how it would be like to be loved by Jacob are ones you will never truly experience. Blame it on wrong timing or your confusion about what you think love may be—all you know is that a future with him is something you will not have.

It has been two weeks since you confronted Jacob. Despite how the events played out, you two surprisingly managed to interact without any awkwardness. It is not like you could say you went back to normal since your first interactions with him were when you still had a crush on him. But this new stage in your relationship is something you like for it feels natural like your other friendships.

Kevin held a meeting a few days ago to discuss the assignments for this semester. Now, you two are seated on one of the picnic tables as you try to work. Thankfully, the snow has melted away. While it is still cold, it is the type that you find yourself enjoying. You and Jacob were tasked to cover women’s sexual lifestyles in a patriarchal society. It is something you pitched, and you are happy to work on it with him.

“Okay! Welcome back, everyone! A new semester means a new set of articles to be assigned. Happy New Year, by the way.” Kevin shoots everyone in the room with a smile. “I love the story pitches! You guys keep improving, I’m impressed.”

It has been a week since you confronted Jacob. Despite how the events played out, you two surprisingly managed to interact without any awkwardness. It is not like you could say you went back to normal for your first interactions with him when you still had a crush on him. But this new stage in your relationship with him is something you like for it feels natural like your other friendships.

“Since it is, unfortunately, my last semester being your editor, I want to make the most of guiding you all. I’ll still be having you guys cover the topics I’ll be assigning, but I will now encourage you all to write opinion pieces. Not only that, I’ll be encouraging you to run for my position for the next year!” As he says those words, you cannot help but feel a heavy weight on your heart.

The semester has only started—how can you be pressured already? Before you can think more about your editor’s words, he snaps you out of your thoughts. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be giving you enough time to think it over. So for now, I’ll just assign your pitches.”

He clears his throat as he looks at his laptop. You do not pay attention to him listing out pitches assigned to other individuals who are part of your staff. That is only until he calls your name. “Y/N and Jacob will work on women’s sexual lifestyles amidst the patriarchal and conservative society. Along with that, you two will also cover drag queens found on campus.” When your eyes settle on Jacob, you do not miss his smile. You shoot him a grin before looking back at your editor whose eyes are still on his laptop screen.

“That should be it. Yay! Don’t forget to schedule your ICs with me since it is required. We’ll be talking about potential opinion article topics and your plans for the next school year.” And just like that, Kevin dismisses the meeting.

You let out a sigh as you scroll through the questions you and Jacob are working on. “Do you think these questions should be fine for Kevin to review?”

Jacob lets out a hum as he scrolls through the shared document on his laptop. “Yeah, I think we can rephrase this question though to focus more on the shame that comes with discussing or participating in premarital sex.” He looks at you. “What do you think about that?”

“Yeah, that should be good on my end,” you say as you watch his attempt to rephrase the question found on the document. As soon as he finishes, you shoot him a smile. “I think that’s good! We can have these reviewed by Kevin, and then we can meet with our interviewees at their preferred schedule.”

You quickly type out an email to Kevin and make sure you attach the document before sending it out. Once you get the notification stating it was successfully delivered, you smile at your laptop screen. The first hurdle is over with. You think you can take a moment to relax until you are hit with a question.

“Y/N, do you have an opinion piece in mind?” As soon as your co-writer asks you, you cannot help but let out a groan. Your eyes move from the screen to his face. You notice the way he tries to hold back his laugh from your reaction.

“I have no clue.” You prop your arm on the table and rest your chin on your hand, a pout forming on your lips. “Do you?” As soon as he nods, you cannot help but gasp. “What do you have?!”

He chuckles at your reaction. “It’s very rough, but I want to talk about my experience growing up in Korea. I thought now would be a perfect time to talk about being an immigrant.” You nod, signaling for him to continue. “I mean, it really is just my journey to finding that sense of belonging since I’m a Korean who grew up overseas. Thought it would be nice to look back and talk about the people I found a home in before I graduate.”

You smile at how he shares his ideas with you. The way he talks about this opinion piece shows how personal it is to him. You only knew a part of the immigrant experience (mainly from memoirs you have read or interviews you conducted). But you knew that it is different for everyone, so you were interested to hear what Jacob’s experience is like.

“It’s nice to know that you want to share that. I’m excited to read it when you start writing it,” you say with a smile.

“Well, it still needs to go under some approval from the rest of the editorial board, but Kevin sounds hopeful. He says he’s going to push for it since he’s technically an immigrant himself.” You nod over his words.

You were well aware that two boys came from Canada. While Jacob may have been born and raised in Toronto, Kevin moved to Vancouver at a young age. So when the pair came to Korea for high school, they found themselves lost in the sea of people who already knew each other. But the universe eventually brought them together. And with that, they sought comfort in each other due to their shared experiences.

You were glad to know that the two had each other. Although you will never understand the struggles that come with being an immigrant, you know that the two boys finding each other made every day easier.

While the Canadian boys rely on each other, your friend group had one another. That is the beauty that comes with friendships—it starts unexpectedly with a stranger only for them to become your person in the end.

“But going back, you don’t have anything you’re remotely interested in talking about?” Jacob asks you once more.

Sighing, you say, “I don’t know. You think I can talk about my obsession with Bluey?” The guy cannot help but laugh. “I’m serious! I have no clue what to say. Do you think Kevin would let me off without writing one?”

He hums for a moment. “I mean, he would let you not write but I think he would be bummed out.” You let out a groan as you cross your arms on the table and rest your chin on them. “He would never push you to do anything you don’t want to do.” You can only sigh as you look off into nowhere.

“I just know that I have nothing right now. Literally got no good ideas worthy of being published.” You stare at the leaves that slowly move with the wind. Spring is slowly coming; you notice it in the way that the trees and plants have started to gain color; flowers are slowly about to bud; you can feel the slight warmth of the sun despite the cold air.

When your eyes drift away from the trees, they end up landing on a boy who has only filled you with warmth. You cannot help but smile at the sight of him. A hoodie drowns his figure, making him look cuddlier than ever. As he slowly makes his way toward you, you notice that his nose is tinted red from the cold air. And as soon as he sees your grin, he cannot help but smile back.

You find yourself sitting up from your slouched position before he makes his way to the spot beside you. “Hi, Jacob hyung,” he greets the guy who sits across from you two. And just like that, you link your arm with his. You do not miss the way his eyes glance at you over the sudden action.

Your head finds its place on his shoulder as you let out a sigh. “Changmin, I’m in trouble.” His body moves slightly as he lets out a chuckle.

“What did you do now?”

You blow raspberries as you look at Jacob who watches you both. “Kevin is encouraging us to write opinion pieces and I have no clue what to write about.”

“Y/N wants to write about Bluey,” the 5th-year chimes in.

A gasp leaves your mouth, making you lift your head from Changmin’s shoulder. “How could you say that?! I wanted to tell him myself!” The boy beside you giggles.

“I was going to suggest writing about that too,” your best friend admits. “Or you can write about me.”

You shoot him a frown. “Oh, be so for real right now.”

“What? You can write about how you can’t live without me.” The innocent smile that is on his lips only makes you want to wipe it off his face. And you cannot help but smack his arm with your free hand. “Yah! Why are you hitting me? I’m just throwing out suggestions for you.” His reaction makes you burst into laughter, making you snuggle your face into the space between his neck and shoulder.

You two remain snuggled up—one complaining while the other laughing over nothing. These moments perfectly encapsulate the dynamic between you and Changmin; the bantering that comes from nowhere; the sudden laughter that leaves you two when nothing hilarious happens; and the way you two always seem to latch onto each other. And Jacob bears witness to it all.

As he observes the sight of you two in your own world, an ill feeling rises in his guts—almost as if it is bile. He has never seen you smile or laugh like that with anyone else but Changmin. It is not like you react the same way around Chanhee or Sunwoo (based on his limited interactions with them). With your ears that are tinted red and the smile on Changmin’s face that contrasts with his complaints, Jacob cannot help but bite the inside of his cheek.

Everything starts to make sense to him—the two of you had unexpectedly crossed the platonic boundary that was drawn out. And now, you two were swimming in uncharted territories of adoration.

A part of him wants to laugh. Back then, he was convinced that something was going on between you and Changmin. Even if Kevin was insistent in convincing him that you two are just friends, he never knew if he could fully believe his best friend’s words. Blame it on insecurities or disbelief—it was just his way of protecting himself from the inevitable.

“I should get going,” he says as he shuts his laptop close. You lift your head from Changmin’s shoulder with eyes wide. “Kevin needs me to meet with him.” The lie leaves his mouth easily, and you and your best friend fall for it.

“Oh, okay! Maybe you can also tell Kevin we’ve emailed him the questions and the possible outline of the article already?” He nods at your words. And when you shoot him such an innocent smile, he cannot help but feel his resolve falter for a second.

When he stands up from his seat and carries his laptop and bag, you and your best friend bid him farewell. He turns away from the sight of you two and walks away with a heart heavier than ever.

As much as he hates to admit it, he still finds himself entertaining a possible future with you. Who can blame him? In his fantasies, he can feel your arms wrap around his waist as he cooks you a meal. You two would sway while he hums melodies. And you would litter kisses all over as he whispers sweet nothings.

But all of this is make-believe—he knows he does not stand a chance against your best friend who has permanently carved his place in your heart. It pains him to know that Changmin is a good guy; there will be no good reason to hate him. But with time, maybe he can come to terms that you will share your future with your best friend. For now, he will let himself wallow in bitter jealousy.

It is 3:34 PM. It has been two weeks since you complained to Jacob and Changmin about having no topic for an opinion piece. Over the weeks, you and Jacob were able to conduct interviews and gather the necessary information. After talking to the women who shared their accounts on sex amidst conservative Korea, you two wanted the piece to turn out well—capturing their experiences and sending out a message that will have people reconsider what they believe to be right or wrong.

Now, you are seated across from Chanhee by your friend group’s informal hideout. While he edits his photos, you transcribe away.

Although you two hang out with each other while working on newspaper matters, you have no idea what has been going on in your best friend’s life. To be fair, his schedule has always been the busiest out of everyone in the friend group. Being a photographer means he has to be present for almost every event or coverage.

Chanhee is your lowest-maintenance friend. In contrast to what you have with Changmin, you two could go on for weeks without having to talk to each other. Although you would occasionally pass by each other due to publication work, there are not a lot of instances to sit down and talk.

And you did not mind the distance—you were comfortable with the low-maintenance friendship for you two had your own priorities. What helps is that you both came from the publication, so you and Chanhee are aware of how difficult it can be to spare time in the day.

Being behind on what goes on in each other’s lives is not a sin. While some friendships like to see each other as much as possible (like you and Changmin) or be updated on everything (like you and Sunwoo), some could survive without constant updates or interactions. And that is the beauty of friendships—they operate so differently yet so similarly. Your relationships with the three boys may be distinct, but the love you all share is still the same.

But of course, your low-maintenance friendship does not mean that you do not want to update him about everything. If anything, the distance does make your heartfelt interactions more sentimental. So when you found yourself stopping the recording, you knew that you wanted to tell him about your revelation over the winter break.

You remove your headphones and hang them around your neck. “Chanhee.” The boy lets out a hum of curiosity before looking up from his laptop.

“Yeah?”

You take a moment to ponder over how to articulate your thoughts. And when you try to let the words come out, you feel them get stuck in your throat. “God, never mind.”

“What’s wrong?”

You shake your head before saying, “We’re both preoccupied with work, so I think it can wait.” You are met with Chanhee’s frown before he quickly types away and shuts his laptop.

“We can take a break. I want to hear what’s on your mind,” he says with a small smile. As he sees your pout, he sighs. “I’m serious. We haven’t sat down and talked in a while, so I kind of miss knowing what goes on in your life with Mr. Bae.”

The nervous chuckle you let out has your best friend taken back. “Yeah, about that…” You trail off as you scratch the back of your neck. “I am not going on a second date.”

“You aren’t?” When you shake your head, a pout forms on his lips. “What’s wrong? Not that great of a guy?”

A sigh leaves your mouth. “No, he’s great! Actually, the date we had was so sweet; we baked a cake together.”

“No way!” Chanhee gasps. “Where did this even happen?”

“Jacob always goes to this bakery run by this cute couple, and he’s close enough with them to let us use their kitchen.” You smile to yourself as your eyes trail down to your keyboard. “It was a cute first date to go on. But,” your eyes go back to Chanhee. “I don’t like him in that way.”

“Oh, Y/N,” he reaches out for your hand and holds onto it. “That’s okay. Sometimes, people are just meant to stay as crushes. You don’t have to pursue them if you don’t want to—let alone if you aren’t ready for a relationship.”

You bite the inside of your cheek. “Chanhee, there’s a bigger reason why I wanted to talk to you about this.” The way his eyebrows furrow in worry has you shooting him a bittersweet smile.

When you try to speak, you can feel the words hitching at your throat. Your best friend notices your hesitancy, making him caress your hand in a way that would allow him to stroke it in circular motions. And when you watch the way he shows you a comforting smile, you let your eyes close as you take a deep breath.

“I think I like Changmin.”

Despite your news, your best friend does not stop holding your hand. Your eyes open to see the sight of him still showing the same smile. And when he slowly nods, you feel your bottom lip quiver. Such a simple action should not speak a thousand words, but it is a hidden action reserved for you two—one that says, “I know, I have always known.”

And just like that, the waterworks turn on. The tears roll down your cheeks as Chanhee holds onto your hand. You never wanted to cry, but something about this moment had you vulnerable about something you have not stopped thinking about.

“How long have you known?” The question comes out like a whisper. You are afraid to hear his answer because it might change what you have always thought about your friendship with Changmin.

Chanhee lets his eyes trail down to your linked hands. “I think since the first time I saw you two interact,” he starts off. “When you introduced me to Sunwoo and Changmin for the first time, I thought that there was something special about you and my roommate.” His eyes then look back at yours, and his free hand reaches out to wipe away your tears with his thumbs. “It’s not that I have always known that you liked him, but I think what you have with him is like no other relationship.”

You cannot help but pout at his answer. “Is what I have with him not friendship?”

“No, it is,” he smiles at you as he wipes away one more tear. “It’s friendship, a beautiful one to begin with. But I also think it has always been more than that—something that you and Changmin were too blind to see.” His hand leaves your face and goes back to holding your hand. “And it’s not like it’s wrong, for you and him are the only ones who can define what you two have. I think you might finally be realizing that what you wanted was right in front of you all along.”

It is supposed to sound corny—Changmin being the person you wanted all along. But you hate to admit that Chanhee is right. Maybe that is why you have gone on with your life not particularly bothered by your lackluster love life (although it made you wonder if you would ever be desirable enough for anyone, really). The love you feel from your friends is enough to remind you of your worth. But the one Changmin made you feel is enough to push mountains and change seasons.

The birds start to chipper; the sun glows on you and Chanhee; the air smells of flowers. Despite the tears you shed just minutes ago, the world still moves as if it sings out the words, “Spring has come!” It is as if the universe echoed the message you found yourself reaching at the end of your conversation with Chanhee—there is no reason to be afraid of falling in love with your best friend for he is everything you hope for.

It is 2:27 PM when you meet with Kevin in the publication room. You and Jacob officially wrapped up your article a few days ago. With minimal comments from your editor, you both were happy with the output.

In the publication room, there is a small room where the different clusters usually hold meetings. You swing its door open to see Kevin seated with his laptop out. He looks up at you and shoots you a smile. “Y/N! Nice to see you on time for our consultation.”

You take a seat across from your editor. “Hi, Kevin,” you greet him with a small smile.

“I’m sure you already know what this is for. But just for formality's sake, thank you for having this individual consultation with me.” He claps his hands in joy. “Today, I’ll be talking with you regarding next year’s editor position and your opinion article.”

You scratch the back of your neck before saying, “I am not going to lie, I am not considering running for Features editor.”

Kevin shows you a smile, almost as if he expected your response. “Okay, let’s talk about it. Why did you decide that?”

You bite the inside of your cheek. “I think there’s just so much more for me to learn.” When he signals you to continue, you let out a small sigh. “I mean, I don’t think I’m suited for the position with my current skill set. There’s still so much I can learn!”

Your editor sighs as he moves his laptop aside. “I know we had this conversation back when you were still a 1st-year. Do you remember it?”

Of course, you remember that conversation vividly. When Kevin first approached you regarding your interest in taking over his spot after he graduates, you remember how insistent you were in denying it.

“Kevin, I don’t think you should be asking me about this,” you say with a small smile. “I mean, I have only gotten into the groove of writing for the uni’s paper just this year. I don’t think I am the best option to consider.”

Your editor pouts and says, “That’s not true. You are a perfectly good candidate to take over when I graduate. You’re a skilled writer with a good eye for topics to unravel.”

You shake your head. “I still think there is room for improvement when it comes to writing. And right now, I don’t have the capabilities to handle the duties and responsibilities that come with being an editor.”

It is one thing to be a good student journalist—being an editor is a different case. There comes a responsibility to ensure that everything goes in order. Not only that, you become someone the staff and the rest of the editorial board can trust. The idea of it all is anxiety-inducing, and now may not be the best time to consider it given that you are still adjusting.

“I really appreciate you for considering me, but I think that I still need to learn and grow as a writer before considering that responsibility.” As you say those words, your editor can only nod.

“Okay, I understand where this is coming from,” Kevin sighs. “I once was in your position when my old editor, Sangyeon, asked me that during my first year in the publication. I denied it, just like you, and kept explaining that my journey as a writer cannot end yet. But Sangyeon kept saying that running for the position would bring challenges that I need to face as a writer.”

For a moment, you think over his words. But before you can say anything, he continues, “You never stop writing and growing—think of it as a way to take up more challenges that will force you to think critically, to think of solutions, to really test you. And if it helps, you won’t be handling it alone because you have the rest of the board to rely on!”

Kevin raised really good points. Taking up an editor position would allow you to gauge if your future does lie in journalism after all; it would allow you to learn before entering the workforce. But now, you do not think you are capable of handling it.

“I can at least think about it,” you start off. “I have one full school year to think about it. But for now, I am not planning to run.”

Your editor smiles and says, “That’s better than an immediate no.”

You let out a sigh. “Yes, I remember. But I still think that I need to work under someone’s guidance. I don’t think I am suited for the editor position.”

For a moment, he does not say anything as he thinks over your words. Before you can add any more excuses, he interjects, “Y/N, I will tell you this—I think you have learned as much as you can as a writer. During my years being your editor, I think that the growth you’re looking for comes with applying for a position on the editorial board.”

You cannot help but pout at his reality check, but you know he was right. “I know you’re considering a job in journalism, so I think this would be a good opportunity to at least prepare you for it outside of your internships.” Kevin shows you a small smile. “You still have a few months to consider since applications start around the latter half of the semester.”

When you simply nod, he lets out a small sigh. “Y/N, I just want you to know that you are very capable of being an editor—that you are destined for greatness” You cannot help but smile at his praise. “I understand that it is scary because of the responsibilities, but it is worth the experience.”

The best thing about Kevin is that he has always looked out for you. Even in your first year in the publication, he always made it a point to look out for every member of his staff. Whether it would be writing issues or mental health concerns, he would find a way to help. Now that he attempts to possibly hand you the position (if no one else runs for it), reality is starting to hit that you would not be under his care.

“Kevin, I’m going to miss you,” you say with a pout.

He shakes his head as he slightly rolls his eyes. “Okay, we are not having that sappy talk. Reserve it for the last meeting.” You cannot help but chuckle. “But going back, let’s talk about your opinion article.”

Your pout contrasts his smile. “I have no clue what to write about.” A sigh leaves your lips. “Like, I’ve talked to Jacob and I’m still hit with absolutely nothing.”

Kevin chuckles at the way you complain before saying, “I get it. Sometimes, thinking about a topic you’re passionate about is hard considering the character limit implemented.” You nod at his words. “Okay, so maybe we can start with your life, you know. Why don’t you guide me through the years?”

With that, you let out a sigh as you recall your years growing up. “Well, school was school. I was your average student. I can’t recall too much about the super early years, but I do remember grade school being the period I was exploring a lot of hobbies.” You hum for a moment. “Oh! I also met Sunwoo that time because we were seatmates.”

Your editor smiles. “Ah, Sunwoo! I’m surprised, you know? Not a lot of people can say they’re still best friends with their childhood friends.”

“Yeah,” you chuckle. “We were always seatmates for some reason, so the proximity forced us to interact. I can remember how passionate he was about soccer, which I guess started my journey exploring different activities. I mean, something about his passion made me want to experience the same thing.”

For a child like you, seeing someone with so much enjoyment from participating in an activity feels revolutionary. The determination your best friend had to succeed in every soccer practice or tournament made you imagine the feeling that comes from hard work being paid off. It is something you want to experience.

“So, I ended up going through different hobbies like drawing, playing instruments, and even doing sports. But when I was forced to read a book, I somehow picked up writing as my hobby.” You shake your head at the memory as you look down at your lap. “Funnily enough, I remember hating reading and writing in my early years only until I started reading this one fantasy series. I was just so fascinated with these worlds, and I thought I could do it myself.”

The only reason why you were forced to read was because your English teacher warned your parents about your grades in the said subject. With that, you were handed a book to read. Although the first few pages seemed like a chore to get through, you eventually found yourself being invested in the said book. You ended up asking your parents to buy you the whole series before you knew it.

“Although I tried to do creative writing bullshit, it never worked out for me. I don’t know, I just don’t think I was capable of building such grand narratives. But reading books did start my love for academic writing, oddly enough,” you say as your eyes trail back up to Kevin who sits and listens to your story. “I remember it reached a point where I would join competitions for essays and whatnot.”

You let out a hum as you took a brief look up to the ceiling. “I think it was at a competition where I first found out about Feature writing since it was a big event with other writers of different age groups. I can remember when I first told Sunwoo about my interest in it, and he was so supportive.” Kevin nods along with a smile, showing that he is keeping up with your story.

“It felt so nice to be supported by my best friend in a craft that I had no experience in, you know? So when high school came, I applied for my school’s newspaper team and Sunwoo decided to try dancing for something different. And these crafts brought us to Changmin.”

A smile starts to creep on your face as you remember your entire high school life with the two. And Kevin cannot help but feel his heart warm at the sight of you reminiscing the years spent with the two boys.

“Did you know I used to be intimidated by Changmin?” As soon as you ask that question, your editor cannot help but laugh.

“Are you serious?” The nod you give has him laughing. “But, he’s so baby! How are you scared of him?”

You roll your eyes and say, “I swear, he was intimidating. I think the way he presented himself in high school made me scared of him. And I remember when Sunwoo introduced me to him for the first time. Our interactions felt so awkward mainly because we never talked, and I thought I would only have to see him whenever Sunwoo dragged him along. So when I got accepted into the publication, I was not expecting to see Changmin as a photographer.”

You cross your arms as you lean back in your chair. “Then we somehow got paired together which eventually started our friendship,” you say with a grin. “And with the many instances working together, Changmin and I grew so much closer.” Kevin nods along.

Before you could share more, another thought appeared in your mind. “Oh, god. Back then, I used to have a crush on Sunwoo for a while.” You notice the shock that appears on your editor’s face. “I know, it was weird, but I would talk to Changmin about it. Now, they won’t get off my ass.” You roll your eyes while shaking your head.

“But I can vividly remember that while these guys seemed to have love lives, I didn’t. And you know, it used to bother me because I was the type to always jump from different crushes but never actually have something go past the infatuation stage. But they have always been the people to listen to my lovesick rambles.” You bite the inside of your cheek. “I appreciate them so much because they never made me feel lonely, you know? Even if I never went on dates or experienced the high school love that the two got, they always made sure to keep me company.”

Kevin hums as he nods. “No, I get it. Like, their love is enough, you know?”

“Yeah!” You smile at how he understands what you are trying to say. “Like, they do so much for me despite how much we tend to rile each other up. And I remember how the two took me on this date a few days after Sunwoo’s first date.” You sigh at the memory with a small smile.

“And when Changmin left for college, I remember how devastated we were,” you say as your smile slowly starts to drop. “Weirdly enough, his absence left a huge hole in my heart. It wasn’t easy to contact him because of different schedules and obligations. So when Sunwoo and I finally graduated, we were so happy to see him again.”

When your eyes land back on Kevin, you notice that he remains attentive to your story. “I think that experience taught us that we did rely on each other, but we needed to find a way to coexist without it being too codependent.”

“Yeah, I get what you’re saying,” he interrupts. “The distance revealed that your friendship was turning into codependency which started to reach toxic levels.” You nod. “Yeah, Jacob and I went through the same thing—our friendship became too interdependent which prevented us from growing.”

You let out a hum. “Yeah, exactly that. So when we entered university, we made this collective agreement to let our relationship flourish into a healthier one. It was a long process until Chanhee came into the picture.” As you mention his name, Kevin cannot help but smile.

“After entering the publication and getting to work with Chanhee for my first few coverages, I thought it would be nice to introduce him to Changmin and Sunwoo. And I think it was only then we realized that the group was incomplete until he came in,” you say as you rest your arms on the table. “And I just think our group has evolved into one that I would never trade for the world. I think I was able to grow with them while witnessing their growth as well.”

When you see Kevin nod, you cannot help but sigh. “Sorry, I went on a tangent. But yeah, other than applying for this publication, working with you and Jacob, I guess that’s all that really went on with my life.”

He shakes his head and says, “It’s fine, I liked hearing the story of you four getting together.” You show him a small smile. “I think you have your opinion piece, you know? I think your whole story is a reflection of how strong platonic love is.” As soon as your head tilts to the side, he takes it as a sign to continue. “Your story shows how much you and your group were able to grow through the love and care you fostered. And in your case, their love is enough to a point you were able to remain unbothered by your lackluster love life.”

And it is true—your friends are the reason why you never find yourself lonely in a world that seems to glamorize romantic love. You cannot deny that you still long to experience it, but your friends have shown you love that is more than enough.

“Yeah, I think I can write about that. I realize how much I love to talk about my friends, so I think writing about them would be nice,” you say as you find yourself slowly nodding. “I think their love has put me in a comfortable spot where I don’t feel the need to constantly seek out the romantic love people always talk about. And even if it would still be nice to experience it, I don’t think I’m in a rush to find it. I experience enough love in my friendships.”

Your editor nods with a smile on his face. “It’s a nice topic, and I really think it would resonate with a lot of people. I think we put so much importance on experiencing romantic love, but I think all forms of love should coexist—one should never have more importance over the other.”

And you nod along with his words. That is what you appreciate about Kevin—he always knew the right words to say and made sure to relate to your sentiments. In your time working under his care, you never once felt misunderstood by him because he listened.

“Is it weird to say that I have learned about love through them?” When the question leaves your mouth, he shakes his head. “I guess because I have never gone on dates or experienced that high school romance then, everything I know about love is because of what they showed me.”

He cannot help but smile. “I think it’s nice that they taught you so much about love by showering you with it. And in your story, they don’t give you too much love that makes it suffocating.”

Kevin is right. Through your friendships, there have never been any notable instances where the love you receive from Changmin, Sunwoo, and Chanhee reached a point of toxic levels. Despite the codependency issue that only revealed itself when your best friend moved away for university, the love that they have shown you throughout the years is nothing but pure—one that comes in the form of supporting each person’s independence while fostering an environment of vulnerability.

“You really do love your friends,” your editor quietly points out.

You find yourself nodding with a smile on your face. “I appreciate those three because they’re my reasons to keep on going.”

No matter how wounded your knees may get, how tired your eyes may be, or how bruised your heart may get, you always find yourself continuing to go on thanks to them. The love and support they give you is a reason enough for you to continue on such a difficult journey that everyone is bound off to. What makes it all comforting is that you know you are never alone in this expedition called life—you were traveling with your friends after all.

It is 6:23 PM. You find yourself seated on the floor of the dance studio as you attempt to write your papers all while your best friend practices a routine he choreographed for the year-end concert. These were moments you found yourself enjoying—you two would work on your own obligations while still accompanying each other. Not only did it hold you accountable to get work done but it made you feel less lonely.

Your brain was preoccupied with what Kevin told you a few hours ago. There is a lot to consider—both when it comes to your opinion piece and the Features editor position. Are you capable of writing such a personal piece that everyone could still enjoy reading? Could you even handle the responsibilities that come with being an editor? Did you have it within yourself to balance your priorities?

With all these thoughts, you cannot help but let out a frustrated sigh. Your opened document is filled with nonsensical phrases and unfinished thoughts. Clearly, you were not in the headspace to work.

Your eyes leave your laptop screen and land on Changmin who goes through his routine slowly, trying to perfect every move. Every time you watch him dance, your heart aches—a type of ache that can only be described as how proud you are of your best friend. The passion he emits is almost like the one you were first introduced to by Sunwoo when it came to soccer.

As if he feels your eyes on him, his eyes drift away from his reflection in the mirror towards you. He notices the frown that rests on your eyebrows. “What’s wrong?” A laugh follows his question.

“I cannot get any work done,” you say with a sigh. “I feel like I’m so out of it and it’s still so early in the day.”

Your best friend rolls his eyes as he walks to you. He crouches in front of you and says, “It’s 6 PM; it is not that early. Plus, didn’t you come from a meeting with Kevin?”

You bite the inside of your cheek as you look at him. Painfully aware of your newfound (or pushed down for years) feelings, you cannot help but feel conscious around him at times. Being under his stare made your insides mush together.

“Yeah,” you whisper out. You clear your throat as your eyes look back down at the screen. “It was a weird meeting if I’m going to be honest.”

In your peripheral vision, you can see him tilt his face to the side. You expect him to ask you about it. But when his hands grab onto your laptop, you look up with a frown. “Hey!” He sets it aside before standing up.

With his hand out for you to reach, he says, “Come on, I think you need to take a break.” Your frown remains on your face as you grab onto his hand, tugging on it so that you can stand up. He keeps your hand in his as he drags you to where he was practicing.

The two of you stand in front of a mirror. Once he lets go of your hand, he smiles at you by staring at your reflection. “You know, all the years we’ve been friends and I’ve never seen you dance.” The moment he says this has you almost bolting away. And before you could do so, he grabbed onto your arm.

“Changmin! I am not going to dance in front of you—let alone with you,” you exclaim as the boy keeps you in place. In contrast to your frown, your best friend grins as he moves to stand behind you, his hands now holding onto your forearms.

He peeks from your shoulder and says, “It’ll be fun! And I’ll be guiding you through it.” You only glare at him through the mirror. “C’mon! I won’t judge you at all.”

“Oh, be so for real! I’ve danced in front of Sunwoo before and he couldn’t keep a straight face. What makes you think you won’t laugh?”

He gasps. “See, now you need to let me see you dance!” The whine you let out does not do anything to stop his insistence. “When did you even dance in front of him?”

“I’m pretty sure he walked in on me trying to do a Wonder Girls choreo.” You roll your eyes at the memory. “I am never doing that again.”

“What choreo?” He asks as he sets his chin on your shoulder. “Is it “Tell Me”?” As soon as you nod, he gasps. “That’s easy! I’m sure I can teach you right now.”

“I am not doing that! I’m too shy.”

He chuckles as he raises his chin from your shoulder. “It’s just me—there’s no need to be shy around me.” His words make your knees weak. Something about this moment has you shrinking; his hands on your forearms; the attention on you; the distance between you two.

But something about this shared moment also has your heartstrings tugging; his grin that can light up any room; his playful tone that shows how excited he is; and his determination to get your mind off what is bothering you. You almost cannot help but show a small smile. And with a sigh, you end up nodding at his request.

The two of you spend your time going through the choreography of that song, specifically the pre-chorus and chorus, with Changmin having to show and help you in every move. Although you notice the smile on his lips every time you make an awkward move, he never once burst into laughter—just occasional chuckles. And surprisingly, you enjoyed learning it under his care.

Now, you two sat on the floor. As your best friend takes a break from dancing, your eyes stare into the opened document for one of your classes. Once you attempt to write, you can feel yourself being hit with anxieties that kept you from working in the first place.

You hate being under the spotlight. Most of the time, you find yourself uncomfortable with receiving too much attention. That is why when you found Features writing, it felt perfect for you. The hobby-turned-possible-career keeps you comfortable because you can write about people’s narratives—ones worth sharing with the world. So when you now have to consider representing a staff and being part of the faces of the editorial board, you can feel all eyes on you.

At this point, you are frustrated with your inability to get work done. The sigh you let out as you type away some gibberish has your best friend looking at you with concerned eyes. But before he could say anything, you looked away from your laptop to stare at him. When you see his worried expression, you cannot help but show him a bittersweet smile.

“I don’t know what to do,” you start. Silence settles between you two for a moment, and you realize that he is giving you time to continue. “I–fuck,” you trip over your words. A chuckle leaves your mouth as you turn your head back to face your laptop. You take a moment to breathe, collecting your thoughts.

“Kevin wants me to consider running for the Features editor position.” When you do not hear your best friend interject, you decide to continue. “He actually asked me last year to consider in the case he decides to not renew his position as editor. But now that he’s going to graduate, he brought it up again. He says it would be a good opportunity for me to get a feel of the higher stakes in this field, and that it would help me consider if I will pursue journalism as a career.”

You let out a sigh before taking a look at the boy who sits beside you. “I first told him no. I think I still need to learn more about being a writer, but he says that the growth I seek comes from applying for higher positions.” You bite the inside of your cheek.

“Changmin, I don’t think I’m ready for such responsibilities. You know how much I hate being put under the spotlight, so being an editor would mean I represent my staff and become a face that people link with the publication.” After saying those words, you rip your gaze away from your best friend and stare up at the ceiling. “And what happens if I’m not a good editor to begin with? Being a writer is entirely different from being an editor.”

You feel his hand reach out to yours, holding it and drawing circles at the back of your hand with his thumb. The action makes you close your eyes. Although you do not crave physical touch, something about Changmin doing it to you has you wanting more—maybe it is because you know it as his love language.

“And I think a part of me is scared to become an editor and learning that I hate it after all.” Your eyes open before you turn your head back to him whose eyes are still filled with concern. “Don’t you ever get scared that what you enjoy doing now can be something you grow resentful of?”

When you have gone on with your life with one hobby you have invested so much time in, it seems impossible to ever imagine a future without it. That is what you feel when it comes to writing—a craft that you feel yourself enjoying while still being challenged. But you can almost feel the hands of fear consume you when you imagine the ‘what-ifs’ that come with taking up a position that is different from your usual.

And from how unfamiliar it is, anxiety fills you. Who can say you would be a good editor? What would happen if you fail to keep up with your duties? Is there a reality where you will be burnt out from Features writing?

But when you see your best friend flash you a comforting smile, it feels easier to let such questions go. “Of course, I feel scared,” he starts off. He rips his gaze away from you and stares off into nowhere. “I remember when I first applied for university, choosing a course was the hardest decision for me. I was forced to think of how I wanted my future to turn out because I thought my course dictated the career I ended up in.”

It is true. You remember the first time Changmin was applying to different universities. Without a clear vision of what he wanted to do in the future, he struggled to decide on a list of courses. During that period, you and Sunwoo could only do so much to help him out. But at the end of it all, he appreciates you two for listening to him when he needed it.

“You already know that I had different first-choice courses for the universities I applied for. My list of courses per college was different as well.” He brings your linked hands to his lap and looks down at it. “And I can remember how confused my parents were by that, but I just cared about what I found myself enjoying.” He lets out a sigh before laughing, “I don’t know if it was the smartest decision on my end.”

You cannot help but chuckle along with him. “Even I questioned your decisions,” you admit. Your best friend shakes his head before looking at you. “I think from my perspective, it looked like you didn’t know what to do.”

“Yeah, and I really didn’t,” he tells you. “I mean, the difference between you and me is that while you found yourself set on journalism and just general communication tracks, I was still figuring out what I wanted to do in the future.”

You bite the inside of your cheek as he reveals that to you. It is not like he shared with you new information for you both were aware of it. And it is not your fault that you felt more confident in what the future had in store for you as a 1st-year in high school versus your best friend who is a 3rd-year. The reality is that Changmin was envious of you—you felt so sure of yourself in your hobby. In contrast to you, he could never consider dance as a possible career to pursue.

When he sees the slight shift in your expression, he shows you a small smile. “It’s not your fault. It’s just me being unsure of what I wanted to do.” He takes a moment to recollect his thoughts. “But really, I chose my courses based on how much I enjoyed or found myself interested in them. And I found myself here.” He lets his eyes drift back down to his hand that holds yours.

“Oddly enough, I don’t see myself in any other course. No matter how much I questioned what I was doing in Early Childhood Education, I also found myself entertaining the idea of how nice it would be to explore the careers that come out of it.” He smiles to himself and says, “And I only figured out by my second year that I don’t have to pursue careers like counselor or teacher. I could still do jobs like HR or anything related to science if I wanted to.”

His eyes then drift back towards you. “It will always be a struggle, you know? You’ll never be sure if what you first thought entering university is something you’ll end up pursuing in the end. For me, I came here with an unclear vision of what I wanted to do as a career. And although I still wish I could do photography or dance, I’m actually really happy with being a preschool teacher in the end.”

You cannot help but smile at him. “I’m happy for you. You know that, right?” When the question leaves your mouth, he nods.

“Of course, I do. You never fail to remind me that,” he says. “I may not know where you entirely come from, but I understand the fear. I mean, even I feel like that with dance. But I think all that matters is that I enjoy it now.”

For a moment, silence settles on you two. Your brain is rattled with thoughts of whether or not you are capable of being an editor. But before you can say anything, your best friend interjects. “I think it’s worth giving it a shot, you know? That editor position that Kevin brought up to you.”

You cannot help but show a small frown. “I get that you’re scared to take up the responsibility of being one, but I think the experience really is something else. After all, you’re still in university—it’s the perfect time to take these positions up and explore.” You feel the frown leave your face as he shares that advice. “And you won’t be carrying the burden alone. You have the other editors to rely on.”

He shoots you a smile and says, “You are a talented writer, to begin with—I’m sure that you’ll do great as an editor. After all, I always root for you and your success.” And his words have your heart melting.

Your eyes drift down to your linked hands. Somehow, Changmin knew the ways to comfort you. Although he may not have the answer you seek at all times, he still did his best to listen and connect with you. And every day, you are thankful for him—he eases your anxieties while still building you up.

“Thank you,” you whisper out before looking back up to him. “I think I owe everything to you.”

Your best friend shakes his head and says, “You don’t owe me anything. What are you even saying?” He chuckles as he brings your linked hands closer to him, making you fall on his side. With that, your head rests on his shoulder. “We’re friends—I’d do anything for you willingly.”

The sentence may sound sad, being referred to as a friend by your crush. But the reality is that it fills you with warmth. Because no matter what feelings you harbor for him, the love he shows you is like no other. You can only hope it stays this way.

The weeks have passed since you last had your conversation with Kevin. Somehow, your topic got approved by the rest of the editorial board—it seemed like what you are writing about is relevant after all. Thankfully, you have until the start of editorial board application season to submit the finished opinion piece. You decided against letting your friend group know about your involvement in writing an opinion article just so you could surprise them.

Now, you and Jacob were officially in the last stages of wrapping up your last article with him. It is sad to know that after this, there would be no more pieces to be written with the 5th-year. It is funny to remember how much you wanted to work with him during your first year, so to finally finish up your last article with him is bittersweet.

“I can’t believe this is our last article where our bylines will be beside each other,” you say as you let your eyes drift from your laptop to the boy who sits across from you.

Jacob lets out a half-hearted chuckle. “I know, I can’t believe time has been moving so fast.”

It did feel weird that time suddenly trickles down faster when you find yourself enjoying the moments life presents you. You wish you could control it all—freeze the periods you wish to keep while fast-forwarding ones you hate to go through. But what makes these moments precious is that they do not last forever.

“Have you figured out your opinion piece article?”

You show him a small smile once you add the final touches to the article you two worked on. “Yeah, I’m going to write about my friends.” Jacob cannot help but let out an “awe” at your reveal.

You chuckle before saying, “I have gone through my life not being able to experience the joys of romance in my high school, and it bothered me at first. Back then, I used to think I was undesirable or that I was made only to work.” Then you cannot help but smile to yourself as your eyes drift back down to the laptop screen. “But I think my friends have shown me love greater than what I could ever imagine. I’m okay if I never get to go on multiple dates or bring butterflies to someone’s stomach. Right now, I’m comfortable just where I am.”

As you say those words, your brain cannot help but drift to the thought of Changmin, your best friend whom you love. You would think that such a word is reserved for later stages in a relationship, but the reality is that you always will love him—even if he may remain your best friend.

So you look back up to Jacob and say, “And I think that if life decides to bring that change to me, I’ll gladly accept it.”

The boy who sits across you nods at your words, a small smile on his lips. “Can I ask you something personal?”

You cannot help but frown for a moment. “Sure,” you say as you tilt your head to the side.

“It’s Changmin, right?” Your frown gets deeper, more confused than ever. “He’s the one you love?” As soon as he says those words, your eyes widen.

“How did you figure that out?”

He shakes his head and says, “I think it’s obvious to everyone.” You cannot help but pout at him. “I mean, I can see that Sunwoo and Chanhee have taught you love in their own ways. But I think that Changmin has shown you one that can never be forgotten.”

And your heart cannot help but ache at his words because he is right. In your years growing up, every act that Changmin has done for you is out of genuine care for your wellbeing. No matter all the times he may tease you, he always looks out for you even if you do not ask. At the same time, he supports you in your endeavors even if you may not have experience. And most importantly, he hears you out the most.

Your relationship with him is built out of genuine care for each other. What started as just having a mutual friend turned into workmates and eventually led you two to become friends. And in your years of being friends with him, all he has done is show you love. You may never be able to trace when you two started to cross the boundaries of friendship, but all that matters is that you have each other.

So you whisper out the words, “Yeah, it’s him.” You bite the inside of your cheek. “Is it wrong to be in love with him?” You do not miss the way Jacob frowns. “I mean, I was scared that I was mistaking platonic love for him as a romantic one, you know? You mentioned before how hard it can be to distinguish that.”

His frown leaves his face. As he shakes his head, he shows you a smile. “You know, you two have so much love and care for each other. And funnily enough, there are some romantic relationships I know that do not compare to what I’ve seen between you two.” As he says those words, you feel your heartstrings tug. “I guess the only thing I can ask is this: Is what you feel for Changmin different from what you feel towards Sunwoo and Chanhee?”

It is the same question Sunwoo asked you when you brought it up to him. After your conversations with Chanhee and Kevin (and your ongoing one with Jacob), you expect your answer to change. But the reality is that your answer remains the same. So when you nod, Jacob nods along.

“Then what others say doesn’t matter. At the end of it all, what you two have is special.”

You cannot help but show him a bittersweet smile. It feels almost wrong to share this with him after breaking things off with him. But you like to think that over the weeks, you and Jacob have managed to move past that.

Before you know it, Jacob lets out a sigh. “I think that’s it for this article. We’ve addressed all the comments from the editor-in-chief.” And just like that, you cannot help but feel heartache.

The finale has officially come. You did not want it to end, and the boy who sits across you can see it from your expression. “You know, Y/N, we’re still friends. Just because we aren’t working together means that we have to stop spending time together.” You cannot help but pout. “Plus, you might end up interning at the place I work at—that’s if you still decide to pursue journalism.”

You cannot help but chuckle. “Yeah, that’s true.”

For a moment, silence settles between you two. As you two sit, you cannot help but let your mind drift back to when you first joined the publication. At first glance, you found yourself crushing on Jacob. And after reading his articles, you remember how much you wished to work with him. Oh, how you wish you could tell your past self that most of their dreams came true.

With that, you let out a sigh. “I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve always wanted to work with you. It wasn’t entirely because I had a crush on you but I just loved the articles you put out.”

He shows you that grin—the same one you first found yourself melting at. Now, it is just a sight that you allow yourself to smile at. “I’m really glad I got to work with you. Even if it happened in my last year, I think you’ll be one of my memorable writing partners.” You cannot help but grin back at him. “Even for just some articles, I’m glad we had our bylines beside each other.”

The funny thing is that you are glad that your crush on him sort of brought you closer to him. If it were not for Sunwoo telling your editor about your crush on the 5th-year, you may not have ever received the opportunity to work with him. You learned more about the boy you admired from afar during your time working with him. And somehow, it resulted in him harboring similar feelings towards you. Although you two only got one date from it all, you are glad to still have each other.

A month has passed, and the broadsheets have started circulating in the university. To your surprise, the article you and Jacob worked on women’s sexuality ended up on the cover. You were happy to see that such a narrative would reach many people.

Since you two wrapped up your article on drag queens, there was not enough time to see each other. It was to be expected, of course—the different obligations and schedules prevented you two from hanging out. Nevertheless, you and Jacob would occasionally text each other whether it would be to complain about the progress of your opinion pieces or to share anything new happening on campus.

Talking about opinion pieces, you and Jacob submitted them on time. You two consulted each other non-stop, asking to read each other’s works and make any necessary edits or comments. The works that seemed like absolute garbage during the early stages turned into beautiful emotionally-charged ones. And you were glad that Jacob would trust you to read his piece in its unedited form.

To learn about his struggles to find his place both in Korea and Canada. Despite being born in Canada, he was always faced with racist remarks and microaggressions. So you would think that moving to Korea would give him the liberation of finally finding his place in the world. And yet, his growing up in a Westernized context made it all more difficult for him to connect with his classmates.

Having to be treated as an “outsider” no matter where he goes destroyed him. Like a wall being smashed by a sledgehammer; a glass being smacked off the table and shattering as it hits the ground; a rubber band being pulled until it snaps. For Jacob, having to go through such as a kid can only ruin him.

But in the middle of it all, he met Kevin. Whether it would be in the lunches they shared or talking about nothing, Kevin allowed him to take up space in a world that seemed to not have a spot for him. Whenever the boy found himself in the dark, he knew that all he needed to look for was the moon.

“I’m happy to see your byline on the cover page,” Chanhee says as he looks through the broadsheet. The two of you walk out of a building, slowly making your way to where you parked your car. “I think it might be one of my favorite articles from you and Jacob.”

You cannot help but shoot a smile at your best friend. “Thanks.”

As you two slowly pass by the athletics center, you cannot help but let your stare linger at the building. You knew that Sunwoo and Changmin were practicing for the year-end concert happening three weeks from now all while you were busying yourself with the editor application process.

It feels weird that the school year is coming to an end. Almost a month and a half left and Chanhee and Changmin will graduate while you and Sunwoo go on to the next year. At first, you did feel the anxiety start to bubble within you. What did the future have in store for you four? Would the different priorities rip you guys away?

But the reality is that you will never know, and there will never be a way to find out. And somehow, you cannot help but cherish whatever time you have left with them now. All that matters is that you still have each other now.

“Hey, I need to go to the dance studio.” You whip your head from the building to your best friend. “I said I could lend a hand in filming and taking pictures for documentary purposes,” he says with a small smile.

You shake your head and say, “It’s okay.” Your eyes look at the broadsheet Chanhee still holds. “I should say this now but you should check out the opinions section.”

With furrowed eyebrows, he flips through the pages until he reaches that portion. His eyes skim through the page until it lands on your byline. And just like that, you notice his expression shift into one of shock. “Oh my god, you ended up putting out an opinion piece?! I thought you decided against it,” he exclaims.

You show him a small smile despite his eyes still trained on the paper. “I decided against telling you and the others. I wanted to surprise you since it’s about you three.” As soon as you reveal that, you notice the way Chanhee pouts as he continues to read your article. “Oh my god, don’t read it in front of me!”

Chanhee giggles as he lets his eyes finally meet yours. “Did you know that this might be the sweetest thing anyone has done for me?”

“I know, it’s me after all,” you joke as you shrug your shoulders. And just like that, he cannot help but glare at you.

“This was supposed to be a sweet moment but you always seem to ruin it with your stupid comments.”

You let out a laugh as you smack your best friend’s arm. “I know, but I hope you enjoy reading it.”

His glare shifts back to a look full of adoration. And with that, he says, “I know that we always tell you that we’ll love whatever you write about, but this one might be my favorite. I can’t believe you think we’re worthy enough to be written about.” He wraps his arm around your shoulder and brings you into a side hug. “I’m excited to read it.”

You wrap your arm around his waist in an attempt to reciprocate the action. “I would write thousands of stories about you guys. I hope you know that.”

If you were given only one topic to forever write about, you would not hesitate to pick your friend group. The reality is that there may not be enough words to truly describe how much love you have for them, but you can only hope that the stories that people have the privilege of reading will show them a love that is unlike any other.

“Okay,” you say as you unwrap your arm from his waist while he does the same from your shoulders. “I’ll see you sometime.”

As you shoot him a grin, Chanhee cannot help but smile back. “Yeah, get home safe, okay? I’ll make sure that we read it by tonight.”

You wave him goodbye before turning around and walking away. As you take your steps leading to the car, you cannot help but feel anxiety slowly bubble within you. Maybe your words would reach out to that one best friend—you can only hope he can read between the lines.

It is 8:34 PM. To Changmin’s surprise, practice ended earlier than expected. Almost everyone has left the dance studio, leaving him and his two best friends. The two were reading the broadsheet as they waited for him to get ready to go home. He got a copy as soon as he saw the stands filled with them.

The sight of your byline on the cover page warmed his heart—he wished he could tell you how proud he is of you in person, but your different schedules prevented him from doing so. Although he knew he could shoot you a message or ring you up, he wanted to hug you and tell you face-to-face.

He wipes away his sweat with a towel that hangs around his neck. As he makes his way to where his two friends sit to grab his jug, he does not miss the way their mouths part open with eyes filled with adoration. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “What are you guys reading?” Their eyes snap towards him.

“You need to read this,” Sunwoo finally speaks up as he hands him the broadsheet. Changmin cannot help but still keep his eyebrows furrowed. Once he lets his eyes drift down to the paper, he notices that it is opened to the opinions section. He remains confused as his eyes skim through. That is until he spots your byline.

Followed by the title “Linked arms and bruised hearts,” your byline is positioned below it. His best friends do not miss the way his eyebrows shoot up. All this time, he was under the impression that you did not end up pushing through with writing an opinion piece, so to see that you have written two and a half columns worth had him surprised.

“Did you guys know they wrote an opinion piece?” He asks as his eyes snap back to Chanhee and Sunwoo. As the two shake their heads, he looks back at the broadsheet. He slowly takes a seat on the floor as his eyes remain on your article.

Linked arms and bruised heartsBy Y/N

Meet-cutes; love letters; playlists filled with romantic songs—that is all I know about love. Growing up, all the media I’ve surrounded myself with has shown me what love should be. Movies have taught me that love is grand confessions in front of a crowd of strangers while music has shown that it all comes from throwing stones at windows late at night. And the novels I’ve read are filled with poetic words that you would never hear in casual conversations.

With these media surrounding romance, I was fed with supposed “realistic” scenarios; bumping against someone in hallways and grazing hands with them as they help you pick up items that have dropped to the ground; spilling coffee on someone’s shirt and promising to make up for it through a date; being approached by someone in a bookstore who passionately talks about the book you picked up.

Aside from these storylines, I found my heart in the hands of fictional main leads who utter words of never-ending love. Their flirtatious remarks never fail to make me scream into pillows or cause butterflies to swarm my stomach.

I enjoyed it all because the feeling I got from consuming these brought the utmost joy into my fickle life. Unbeknownst to me, I never knew the consequences that came from these—especially for someone who has never experienced romantic love firsthand.

Never receiving love notes or being asked out on dates took a toll on how I perceived myself. While everyone gets to receive chocolates and flowers, I was left to imagine such a feeling through every possible form of media I can consume. At first, I told myself that I would have my moment—all it takes is time. But further down the long journey, I started to believe that I was put into this world to never experience it.

Having to think I was undesirable at the early stages of my teenage years made me believe that love is a privilege—something that not everyone can receive. The more I let such a mentality persist, the more I started to believe that my only role on Earth was work. With that, I believed that my future would have me waking up to work and going to sleep exhausted—all by myself.

That is until I met three boys who seemingly changed the trajectory of how my future would play out.

Funnily enough, I knew these three during my time chasing romance. These best friends of mine were some of the many to experience the love I desperately craved. You would think that I would hate being stuck in that position—that I would resent them for easily receiving something I longed for. But oddly enough, I was happy to bear witness to all their adventures because they showed me love I have never seen in movies.

As others give chocolates on Valentine’s Day, they would bring me home-cooked meals for no particular occasion. While people received “just because” flowers, I got “just because” playlists for they knew I would cherish them more. But these are only actions that cannot truly capture what they have shown me during the years I never knew of romantic love.

In our friend group, to love is to reestablish one’s independence—each person deserves to take up space in the world. And somehow, these three spent their time building me back up without me noticing. From my perception of being undesirable, I only started to learn how to be comfortable in my skin through the support they continued to shower me with.

Before I knew it, I found myself content with my uneventful love life. At one point, I stopped chasing the romance that artists sing of. It was only later on learned that love spoken of in the media is not always romantic; it can be platonic as well.

The love found in our friendships is not meant to be treated as second to the romantic one we seek. If anything, what we receive in our friendships shows us enough of what love overall should be; understanding of boundaries; shoulders to lean on at any time; and support even if you never ask.

I eventually found myself in a position where I could comfortably say that I was okay with my lackluster love life. The only reason I can say this is because my friends have shown me so much love that I do not need to seek it in other avenues.

I hope that when they read this, they know that I am forever indebted to them. Knowing them, they would say that this is all the bare minimum—that they would do it all without any question. But for someone whose understanding of love was skewered by media, my bruised heart has slowly healed through the care they have shown me throughout the years,

I hope that my future will always have them in it for I can never imagine a world without them. They are the reason why I know of love now—a reason why I choose to keep on going. And I now know that love is not an idea that the media monetizes off of. I exist in a reality where I got to meet my best friends—that is how I know love is real.

I used to think I would forever remain clueless about love, but the reality is that I actually know of it all now. Linking arms as you walk to nowhere; picnic dates in the middle of winter; agreements of sticking together past the age of 30—that is everything I know about love.

Changmin cannot help but feel his mouth part open as he reads your words. His heartstrings tug at your words. To learn that the reason you know of love is due to your group of four made him realize how much he does love you—and not just the platonic form.

For you, he would act as the arms that you can go back to at the end of the day; he would be your morning alarm and make sure you get out of bed in time; he would be everything you need and want because he loves you.

As soon as his eyes move back to his two best friends who can only smile, he realizes that your opinion piece is not only a commemoration of the love you receive from him, Chanhee, and Sunwoo. Rather, it is your way of finally sharing your feelings—ones that you were too afraid to tell him face-to-face.

“I have to go,” he whispers before handing back the broadsheet to the two.

Once he grabs his stuff, he dashes out of the dance studio, leaving Chanhee and Sunwoo all alone. “You think Y/N will have the guts to say it themselves?” Chanhee decides to ask the boy who sits beside him.

For Sunwoo, he would say you could never admit such feelings to your crush. That is why it is a miracle that Jacob was forward with you. But with Changmin, he cannot help but smile to himself.

“Yeah,” he voices out. “If they had the guts to write something like this, then I’m sure they want something with him after all.”

Your place feels duller than usual; the lights look dimmer; the pictures on the wall look less saturated; the air forms goosebumps all over your skin. As you sit in your kitchen with leftover bibimbap from yesterday, you stare at your phone as you eat away at the sad meal. It is not that it tastes bad, but something is preventing you from enjoying the food in front of you.

Hours have passed since you last saw Chanhee. Around this time, Sunwoo and Changmin might be finishing up their practice. The thing is you expect to receive a message at least from one of the three. Yet, your phone remains silent—no notification from them whatsoever.

At this point, you can feel the anxiety start to eat you away—it takes its time to nibble each limb of yours while you do nothing to stop it. There is no way to cease it, though. All you can do is sit and let it do its work. You can only hope that some sign from the universe would do something to keep it at bay.

And just like that, the doorbell rings.

With your mouth full of rice, beef, and stir-fried vegetables, you get off your seat and walk to the door. You take a peek into the peephole only to see the one guy you were terrified to be face-to-face with. You almost think to not open the door; maybe he will give up on waiting and walk away. But when his eyes trail from the floor to stare directly through the peephole, you freeze.

“Y/N? Can we talk?” He asks, almost like he knows you stand at the other side of the door. You wish you could do anything but just stand still. “I want to talk because I think I won’t be able to sleep well tonight if I don’t. But if you don’t want to have that conversation right now, I can wait another day.”

Your heart warms at his words. Even in a moment like this, he still cares about your comfort. Regardless of what you revealed in your opinion piece, he would willingly deal with restless nights if it meant giving you time to muster enough courage to talk about the elephant in the room. But the reality is that waiting for any other day will prolong your suffering.

When you notice Changmin slowly move away from the door, you quickly swing the door open. There he stands with eyes wide from the sudden action. As you swallow down the food in your mouth, you also swallow down your fears. You find yourself taking steps back, eyes still on him as he leaves his shoes outside before entering your place. He shuts the door behind him before dropping everything he carries to the floor but one thing—the broadsheet.

For a moment, you two stand still with no sound leaving any of your mouths. You almost think that you need to start the conversation, but the silence makes it all too difficult to speak.

“Y/N,” he calls out your name at first. You do not miss how his eyes are filled with wonder—one that resembles hope in the face of trouble. “I read it, and I loved it. I love knowing that Sunwoo, Chanhee, and I have shown you all of these.” Then his eyes trail back down to the paper he holds. “But I need to know if there’s something in between the lines or if it’s just me hoping for nothing.”

The way he stands in front of you is more vulnerable than ever, more than when he first approached you when he lost his competition. His shoulders are slumped in anxiety as he continues to look at the broadsheet that is opened to your opinion piece. And as your mouth opens in an attempt to speak, he looks back at you.

Under his stare, you know there is nothing you should worry about. But the reality is that sharing the most intimate parts of yourself with someone will always be difficult—confessing to your best friend will never be as easy as you hope for it to be.

Your mouth snaps close. As you look down to the ground, you bite the inside of your cheek as you think over the right words to say. Your brain rattles for a moment as you try to make a script on the spot. But you realize there is not enough time in the world to figure out what to tell him. And there will never be enough words to capture what you feel towards the boy who stands across from you.

“I used to think I would never have the privilege of receiving love,” you start. “You’ve read about it in that piece that’s in your hands, but it’s only a surface level of all my fears.”

Your eyes now look back up to him. His expression never falters, but it remains as fearful as yours. “I thought I was destined with a lonely future, that the reason why I was never asked out on dates or been confessed to is because there will never be space for another person in my life. So when Jacob started to show some interest in me, I thought it was the universe playing tricks on me.”

You find yourself letting out a small chuckle as you shift your weight from your left foot to the right. “I mean, you’re the one person who knows it the most. I told you that one night in the convenience store and that one time during the winter break.”

“And for a period, I thought that I was comfortable with occasional crushes because I didn’t have to commit to anything. I started to think that uncertainty was my way of sabotaging everything good coming my way, but I realized that it stemmed from my inexperience with love overall.”

You take a deep breath before saying, “But when I saw Hanhee and Byungho that one night where they were cuddling, I realized how nice it would be to just have someone to go back to at the end of a long day—to have a home in a form of a person.” You do not miss the way his eyes slowly start to fill with an emotion you cannot recognize.

“So I thought about who I would love to still see when I’m working, and I can only think about you three. I always find myself wishing that time will treat us well. I want us to remain together no matter what stage we are in our lives. And never once will I ever find myself trading our group for anything else—even for a shot in romance.” As you say those words, you notice a small smile that forms on his lips.

Because it is true—why would you trade years of genuine love and care for something that you do not know about? Why would you give up something so pure for something uncertain? And you know that love for others means taking risks, whether calculated or out of genuine impulse. And you would never consider yourself a risk taker. But you find yourself making an exception to do it just this once—one for your best friend.

“I love Sunwoo and Chanhee more than anything in the world,” you say. And now, you find yourself more scared than ever to admit the next sentence. You can hear your heartbeat out of your chest as you two stand in silence. But even if the boy across from you is dying to hear the next words, he never pushes you to say it if you are not ready.

You cannot help but smile at him. “But with you, Changmin,” you manage to choke out despite the anxiety that bubbles within you. “I wish that you will continue to link arms with me because I have found myself growing fond of it; I want you to continue accompanying me as we work on different tasks; I hope that after every day, whether boring or tiring, I can go back to you.”

And with your next words, he cannot help but feel all resolve crumble. “I think that you are the home I want to go back to.” You let your eyes flicker back down to the paper that he holds. “I found myself hoping that we’re both single when I turn 30 just so that I have more of an excuse to want you in my home.”

“And even though I have learned of love through you three, I want to experience the one I desire with you.” You let yourself smile as you look back up to him. “I hope that you will reserve enough love just for me as I already have for you.”

The next thing you know, Changmin drops the broadsheet to the ground. As he makes his way closer to you, you can feel your heart beat out of your chest. The distance between you two grows smaller. And when his face is inches away from yours, your breath hitches.

You notice the moles found on his face—one under his lip and another that rests on the bridge of his nose. His hair is a little messy from practice, with some strands slightly up. And his eyes are now filled with an emotion you cannot figure out.

You want to beg him to say something—anything, really. But when his hands reach out to grab hold of your face, all thoughts are knocked out.

His eyes flicker down to your lips before going back right to your eyes. “I will always want to be that home for you,” he whispers. “I always saw you as a place of solace for me, but I hope I can become that for you forever.” And he smiles at you before saying, “I have so much love stored in me that's made just for you.”

Before you know it, you find yourself closing the distance between you two. With eyes closed, you place your lips on his. The kiss is everything comforting and vulnerable—almost like how you would describe your relationship with him. His hands remain holding your face, his thumb occasionally sweeping across your cheek.

The warmth that fills your body is like no other—as if the sun has emerged within you. His hands on your cheeks remind you of all the seasons you have spent with him. Whether in summer or winter, he will always hold you because he loves you. And it is only starting to sink that he does love you—that he has so much love within him just to give to you.

He does not attempt to deepen it, fully aware that all of these are foreign waters. So when you find yourself parting from the kiss in an attempt to catch your breath, his eyes are full of concern.

He is about to ask you something until you beat him to it. “Was that right?” As you whisper the question out, he cannot help but feel his heartstrings tug. He finds himself smiling while your eyes remain wide with curiosity. “Oh god, I just realized I kissed you without brushing my teeth!” Your exclaim does nothing but make him laugh.

“Don’t worry about what’s right. Just let me take the lead,” he says. “And I’d kiss you anytime, even after you’ve eaten or brushed your teeth.” You cannot help but smile, a giggle leaving your mouth.

The thing about Changmin is that he knows you inside out, from how you worry about everything to your fear of being vulnerable in front of anyone. But he knows how to support you—to tell you when to rest and to build a space where you do not have to be afraid to share your deepest sentiments.

Although the love you two first shared came from a place of platonic nature, it slowly shifted without you two noticing. And while everyone seemed to comment that what you two have seems to teeter between the boundary of platonic and romance, you never allowed their words to truly sway what you thought about your relationship. To you and Changmin, all that matters is what you decide on.

Your home is livelier than ever; the lights shine brighter than usual; the pictures on the wall are full of color; you find yourself warm despite the cold air. As soon as his arms wrap around you, you can feel your heart soar to heights that have never been imagined. You allow yourself to snuggle closer to him, having your face rest in the crook between his neck and shoulder. All that can be said is that you both are happy. You love each other—both platonically and romantically.

“When does this graduation end?” Sunwoo complains beside you as he lets himself melt in the chair. “If I knew this would take forever, I would have eaten something heavy for breakfast.”

You roll your eyes. “Everyone told you it would take long. That’s on you now.”

The boy scowls at you before saying, “Yeah, yeah. You’re only not complaining because you get to see your stupid boyfriend on stage.” You gasp as he says those words. “I said what I said!”

“That boyfriend you’re referring to is your best friend, by the way! And we’re here to support our other friends.”

“Yeah, no one cares. Don’t forget that I was your best friend first, so you need to take my side if we end up fighting.” From his response, you roll your eyes. You knew that Sunwoo was only joking around, saying nonsense just to pass the time.

It is 3:23 PM, and you two are seated by the bleachers as you wait for the graduation ceremony to end. From the people graduating, you two were able to recognize many faces that you would have to say goodbye to—Juyeon to name a memorable face.

“I’m just saying that I can’t believe they won’t let us sit with the Ji family. I mean, we’re practically part of them! And since you’re dating him, you’re basically an in-law.” Sunwoo’s attempt to justify his disbelief towards the situation has you chuckling.

Before you can comment, the person who stands by the lectern announces a familiar name. “Choi Chanhee; bachelor of arts degree in Photography; Magna Cum Laude.” As your best friend makes his way to the middle of the stage, you and Sunwoo get off your seats.

“Go, Chanhee!” You find yourself cheering as loud as you can.

“Chanhee-ah, you’re so cool!” The boy beside you shouts out loud in an attempt to embarrass your best friend (while embarrassing you both in the process). You notice Chanhee’s attempts to hold back his laugh as he grabs his diploma. He clearly heard your cheers all the way from the bleachers.

Once he bowed and made his way off the stage, you and Sunwoo fell back down to your seats. “Well, we succeeded in embarrassing Chanhee,” you say, which earns a laugh from your best friend.

You let out a sigh before going back to the topic. “I am not an in-law. I mean, Changmin and I only became official like a month and a half ago!” When you look at your best friend, he only stares at you in disbelief.

“Y/N, his family loves you—always have and always will. I think they’re just waiting for him to put a ring on your finger.” You laugh in disbelief.

“Moon Hyungseo; bachelor of arts degree in Psychology; renowned Features editor for two academic years; Magna Cum Laude.” With that, your conversation gets cut short. As your old editor makes his appearance, you two get off your seats and cheer him on.

“Go, Kevin hyung!” Sunwoo cheers beside you. Although Kevin may not be able to hear you guys, you know that he would still appreciate your cheers. As soon as he makes his way off the stage, you two fall back down to your chairs.

You look at your best friend and say, “Again, I just started dating Changmin. We haven’t discussed marriage at all because we are too young to begin with.” You go back to looking at the stage as more unfamiliar faces get their diplomas. “A lot of this is still new to me, you know? So I still find myself kind of nervous about this whole setup.”

The boy beside you hums. “I mean, it’s valid for you to be nervous. You two were friends before officially being together. And I know it’s still new for you, but it is for him also.” You cannot help but look back at him. “I mean, he’s only gone on dates and had one relationship back in high school. I’m sure he’s just as nervous as you are.” Your attention goes back to the stage.

Sunwoo is right—you and Changmin barely had enough knowledge of what comes out of a romantic relationship, but both of you can recognize that your dynamic did slightly change. Most actions that you two did while you were still friends remained; linking arms; occasional banter; and sitting in comfortable silence.

However, with the new nature of your relationship, you started to notice that your boyfriend has gone out of his way to spend more time with you whenever possible. Aside from that, he would buy you two meals to share for every dinner, making sure that you ate the right amount of food. Of course, you would find yourself kissing him more—sometimes leading to more heated make-out sessions thanks to him. But for the most part, you were happy with what you have with him now.

Before you can say anything, the emcee calls out, “Jacob Bae; bachelor of arts degree in Korean Language and Literature; Summa Cum Laude.” The two of you two stand up once more from your seats. As you watch Jacob make his way to the dean, you cannot help but cheer him on as he grabs his diploma.

“Go, Jacob!” Your shout is loud, reaching its way to the boy who is on stage. He scans the crowd until his eyes land on you and Sunwoo. At the sight of you two clapping, he cannot help but smile back before bowing and making his way off the stage.

Once you two sit back down, you cannot help but let out a small sigh. “I think it’s still surreal that I’m with Changmin, you know?” You voice out your concerns to your best friend. “I mean, I never once imagined myself being with my best friend.”

In your peripheral vision, you see the way Sunwoo nods. “I still can’t believe my two childhood besties are together. Like, you’re going to make me third-wheel every time Chanhee is not with us.” You roll your eyes as you smack his arm. He lets out a chuckle at your reaction. “But if I’m going to be honest, I’m glad that you two have each other.”

You smile at his words as your eyes remain on the stage. “Lee Jaehyun; bachelor of arts degree in Archaeology; Magna Cum Laude.” As soon as the emcee calls out the name, you spot Hyunjae making his way to the middle of the stage. You and Sunwoo get off your seats to cheer him on, but you cannot help but remember your conversation with Chanhee.

“Yeah, Hyunjae hyung and I are just friends,” Chanhee says as he scrolls through the photos on his camera.

Your friend group is seated by your hideout. While Chanhee assesses his photos, Sunwoo is busy animating his final project. You are also writing one of your final papers for class all while Changmin is adding some final edits to his thesis paper. Although you two were working, your boyfriend could not help but keep his hand on your thigh—not in an attempt to arouse you but just to hold you out of pure comfort.

“Really? How come?” You decide to ask as you rip your eyes away from the screen.

Chanhee looks away from his camera to look at you. “I’ve mentioned this already to Changmin, but I think we’re just friends. We did like each other at first, but the dates we went on made us realize that maybe it’s better to keep it platonic.” You only hum as you stare at the boy who sits across from you. “Hyunjae also admitted that he still has something complicated with his ex.”

Sunwoo clicks his tongue. “Kim Younghoon, right? The culinary student?” Chanhee nods at his words. “Yeah, I think I heard about that before. I didn’t know they would get back together.”

Chanhee can only shrug. “I mean, I don’t know what will happen between the two. And if Hyunjae and I ever decide to revisit the idea of dating, I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” he finds himself admitting. “But now, I’m okay with where I am now. I’m happy with the love I receive from you guys.” As he says those words, you cannot help but smile. You knew he was referencing your opinion piece.

“Honestly, me too,” Sunwoo chimes in with eyes remaining on his tablet as he draws away. “I hate to flatter Y/N once more, but I think that opinion piece did make me realize how okay I am with being single. And it’s not like I’ll give up on romantic love entirely, but I’m comfortable waiting it out.”

You pout at your best friend’s words before saying, “Thanks guys, I mean it.”

“Of course, it means a lot that you wrote about us. Even if it was your attempt to confess to Changmin, we’ll still take it,” Chanhee says, only making your boyfriend giggle. “How ironic that you talked about being okay with platonic love while your main goal was to get with Changmin after all.” You know your best friend says it sarcastically, but you want to be clear with your point.

“Hey! The main goal of the piece was really to talk about how fulfilled I feel from the love that comes from you guys. Aren’t you guys happy that I don’t use romantic love as my basis for self-worth anymore?”

“Of course we’re happy. I mean, that’s all we want for you,” Changmin says as he looks at you. “We never wanted you to think you’re worth any less just because you never got love notes or chocolates from admirers.” He takes a look at his two other best friends. “I think we all had this silent agreement to help in rebuilding your self-esteem. I think all of us wanted to make sure that everyone can be comfortable independently while still having shoulders to lean on for support.”

As he says those words, you cannot help but nod along with him. In your group, the one thing you all care about the most is boosting each other’s self-esteem. The reality is that it is hard to reestablish that sense of independence and self-worth all by yourself. That is why friends play an important role as they support you, whether through cheering you on in certain endeavors or just in general reassurance.

“Yeah, I think that I never really found myself being confident in my skills in photography and video editing until I met you three. I mean, it pushed me to make that documentary for the K-Pop student idols coverage,” Chanhee says with a smile. “Thank you for bringing me to your group.”

Sunwoo smiles at his best friend who sits beside him and says, “I don’t know if we ever told you, but our group never felt complete until you came into the picture. You helped to get that ball rolling—finding ways to help us find happiness in being independent. And along the journey, you reminded us of the importance of leaning on each other.” You notice the way Chanhee pouts at his words. “I hope you know how much we appreciate you for looking out for us.”

Before you know it, tears stream down Chanhee’s cheeks. “Guys, I can’t believe you’re making me cry right now.” You and Changmin stand up from your seats, grabbing onto your boyfriend’s hand as you two make your way to the other side of the picnic table. Sunwoo has already scooted closer to Chanhee, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. With that, you and Changmin hug your best friend who cannot help but cry from all the love he receives.

“I love you, Chanhee,” you whisper into his hair. You let your chin rest on his head as you look at Sunwoo and Changmin. “And I love you both. Thank you for teaching me what it means to love and to be loved.”

You cannot help but smile at the memory. The love felt in your friend group never fails to tug on your heartstrings. The reality is that you were lucky to have them—not everyone has the privilege of being friends with the three. Although you like to call them your demons who never fail to rile you up or press your buttons, you know that the love they shower you with will be greater than whatever anyone can show you.

As soon as Hyunjae makes his way off the stage, you and Sunwoo go back to sitting down. “Do you think Changmin and I will end up like Chanhee and Hyunjae?” You decide to finally ask. A part of you fears that what you two have is a mistake—that you both mistook whatever feelings you harbor for each other.

But Sunwoo always finds a way to reassure you while telling you the truth. “We’ll never know for sure because only time can tell what’s in store for you two.” You find yourself nodding at his words. “But for me, I think what you have with Changmin is special. I don’t think anything can compare to what you two have.”

You find yourself smiling at his words before looking at him. “I love you, Sunwoo. You know that, right?” He looks back at you with a small smile before nodding.

“I love you, too. I have always known that since our first days being seatmates in grade school. I knew that the universe brought us together for a reason, and I’m glad that I will always have you in my life.” From his words, you cannot help but lean your head on his shoulder. As he wraps his arm around your shoulders, you watch more unfamiliar faces come and go.

As soon as many unfamiliar students grabbed their diplomas, you notice that they have finally started to call students with special awards. And the emcee’s next words make you smile. “Now, to formally award the student with the most outstanding graduate thesis, we hereby present Ji Changmin; bachelor of science degree in Early Childhood Education; Summa Cum Laude.” As soon as they call out your boyfriend’s name, you and Sunwoo immediately get off your seats and cheer your hearts out.

The sight of Changmin walking up to the middle of the stage with a smile pulls at your heartstrings—you are proud of everything that he does. He always finds ways to continuously prove himself, and you hope he knows that everyone recognizes his efforts. And more than that, you hope that he sees that these achievements are only a fraction of who he is. Changmin is more than just awards—he is everything good found in this world.

“Changmin-ah! I love you!” You find yourself shouting out loud. Despite wanting to stay out of the spotlight on most occasions, there is no sense of shame within you as you cheer those words out. You want the world to know that you would gladly be under the light if it meant showing your support for the boy who you love.

Your shout is loud as it reaches all the way to Changmin. His eyes flicker towards you, and his smile gets bigger at the sight of you. He raises his pinky out towards you—a promise that all he does will be for you and himself. And you find yourself doing the same, promising him that all you want is for both of you to succeed with each other’s support.

“I can’t believe it’s only going to be me and Sunwoo.” The four of you are by your hideout, sitting on the picnic table for one last time as a complete group. You find yourself leaning your head on Changmin’s shoulder with arms still linked with each other. “I can’t keep being stuck with that loser!” Your eyes rest on the boy you have known for more than twelve years.

Sunwoo glares at you. “Yah! You think I like being stuck with you?” As you two make faces at each other, you can feel Changmin’s shoulders shake from his chuckle.

“Did you bring the multi-tool?” Chanhee finally asks his best friend who sits beside him. Once Sunwoo hands it to him, he smiles at you three. “What shall we carve on this little table of ours?”

“Why don’t you just carve our initials? It’s simple,” you suggest, only to earn groans from a particular someone you seem to be stuck with.

“Boring! Think of something fun, you know?” Sunwoo’s response only has you rolling your eyes. “What about a diamond? You know, because it has four sides and we’re four people.”

Chanhee cannot help but scowl at him. “Even worse than what Y/N suggested.” Sunwoo only frowns at him. “What about you, Changmin? Any ideas?”

For a moment, he hums as he thinks of anything possible to carve. You almost start to think he has no suggestions with how long his hum lasts. That is until he suggests a symbol perfect to describe your four.

“What about a bandaged heart? You know, we all have bruised hearts from what life decides to bring our way, but we keep on going because we have each other.” Your boyfriend’s suggestion makes you three smile.

“Ah, you stole that from Y/N’s opinion piece,” Chanhee playfully scolds Changmin. But he finds himself nodding before saying, “But I think it does perfectly describe us.”

As he slowly starts to carve out the symbol, Sunwoo decides to speak up. “I was thinking we can drag Eric to join us here if you don’t mind?” The question is more directed towards you, making you hum in agreement. “He has this other friend who I think you’ll get along with. His name is Haknyeon.” You find yourself smiling at your best friend’s words.

“I’m down for that,” you say before lifting your head off your boyfriend’s shoulder. “I mean, as long as you’re there, I don’t mind.”

As you admit that to Sunwoo, he cannot help but smile back. However, he quickly covers it up by saying, “Ugh, so obsessed with me! Changmin, how do you deal with Y/N?” You gasp at your best friend’s words. What is even worse is that your boyfriend says nothing to defend you, only laughs along.

“Yah! Ji Changmin! How could you let him say that?!” Despite your complaints, he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you close to him, smothering your left cheek with kisses. The sight makes Sunwoo and Chanhee roll their eyes, but everyone is happy to see the new shift in the relationship.

Once Chanhee finishes carving out a beautiful image of a bandaged heart, everyone cannot help but smile at the sight. The lines of the heart are a little jagged—not very neat but it is clear to see that it is a heart. The bandage on it, however, is nice and clean. You cannot help but think the symbol is perfect to capture your friend group.

Although the bandaged heart may look a little rough, the idea still lives forever on this picnic table that became a getaway for your group. This place has witnessed all the laughs and tears you can ever recall in your college life. You hope that the next group of friends that stumble upon this spot will find solace the same way you four did.

Sunwoo shoots a look at Chanhee before saying, “Come on, let’s leave these two lovebirds to do whatever shit they need to do.” As soon as he stands up, Chanhee follows him. But before they decide to leave you two, Sunwoo says, “Please do not have sex on the table.”

You find yourself reeling at your best friend’s words. “Yah! Who do you think we are?”

Your two best friends look at each other before their eyes land back on you and Changmin. “We’re just saying that your boyfriend is quite scandalous.” Once you look at your boyfriend, you notice the frown on his face that is accompanied by cheeks that are dusted pink from what his friends revealed.

“And we’re off!” Chanheee exclaims. Just like that, your two best friends make their way out of the hideout, leaving you and your boyfriend all alone.

Although Changmin has his arm wrapped around your waist, you cannot help but shoot him a look of suspicion. “So, what type of kinks have you not revealed to me? I thought we knew everything about each other?” Your boyfriend rolls his eyes before placing another kiss on your cheek.

“That conversation is for another day,” he whispers with a smile. You only roll your eyes at his attempt to change the topic. He then says, “I want you to tell me about your plans for next year.” And with that, you show him a small smile before going on a tangent on what you have in store for the Features staff.

Around a month ago, you received news that you would take over as the Features editor. The day you got the news happened to land on the same day as Sunwoo’s and Changmin’s year-end concert. Your boyfriend was recognized for his beautifully crafted choreographies, and you remember how happy you were to see the standing ovations he received. So when you told him during dinner that you’ll be the incoming Features editor, you remember the joy that took over his face. It was one for the books—the day brought only good news.

A few days after the year-end concert, Kevin held one last meeting with the Features staff as a whole. It happened over lunch in the restaurant of Mr. Lim’s, the same owner whom you interviewed for the small business coverage. The food was to die for; the sour taste of the Kimchinigang, a pork stew that is mixed with vegetables and kimchi; the savory taste of the Beef Pares jajangmyeon, a black bean noodle dish accompanied with braised beef; and the sweet taste of turon hotteok, a banana-filled pancake.

Everything about that lunch felt comforting, from the food to the people you were with. You wish you could have frozen that moment—make time stand still even for a few minutes longer. But of course, moments like these always come to an end. It feels bittersweet to recall.

“Do you think you can pass me some soup?” Yunjin asks from beside you while she hands her bowl to you, eyes staring at the spicy pork stew. As soon as you pour enough soup with pieces of pork and vegetables, she signals you to stop.

You pass her the bowl with a smile and ask, “So, will I see you next year?”

She smiles at you. “Of course, I like it here.” She looks around the table to see that the staff is finishing up their meals. “I think I’m just going to miss a lot of people, but,” her eyes then land on you. “I’ll still be with you.”

Your heart warms at her words. The grin on your face is something that cannot be wiped. “I don’t know how I’ll be able to do this editor shit, so I’m glad I’ll at least have some familiar faces.”

Yunjin cannot help but nudge your side before taking a sip of her soup. “You’re not alone. I mean, me and Chaeyeon unnie will be here.” You let your eyes lie on the girl Yunjin sits across from, seeing that she is in the middle of a conversation with Seungcheol.

“Yeah,” you say as you smile to yourself.

Before you can say anymore, you feel the person on your other side nudging you. You roll your eyes before looking at the boy who seemingly interrupted your thoughts. “And what do you want from me, Mr. Bae?”

Jacob chuckles as he takes one more bite of the pancake. “Are you ready for Kevin’s speech?” You cannot help but furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “You think Kevin would end his term as an editor without some parting words?”

Before you can share your thoughts, you notice your editor get off his seat with a glass filled with some unknown cocktail in his hand. Everyone snaps out of their conversation as they stare at the boy who clears his throat.

“I think that it’s only right to say something before officially ending my term as your editor,” he starts off. His eyes scan over the people who stay seated, a smile on his lips. “I’ve been the Features editor for two years—some of you guys I worked with for those two entire years while others only one.”

“I have to admit that being an editor is not easy,” he chuckles. “I mean, there were so many times where I even questioned why I ended up becoming one because I thought I wasn’t the right person for the job.”

He bites on his bottom lip as he thinks over the next words to be said. “I used to think that being an editor would be a lonely and pressuring job—one that would have me always act quickly if any issue arises or think quickly to handle all the concerns that may be brought to my attention. And to be fair, it is that, but it’s only the surface of what it means to be an editor.”

“I learned in my two years that I am not just someone who will just guide you throughout all your stay in the publication—I grow with you in the same way you grow as a writer.” His words tug on your heartstrings. Your eyes are now wide due to his moving words.

“I want to thank you all for letting me work with you. It’s been my pleasure to read your pitches and stories that bring change to the community. But I also want to say that it’s been such an honor to get to know you all not only as writers but as individuals.” He takes a moment to breathe. “I have witnessed growth happen to each one of you, and I'm glad I became someone you guys can rely on. Thank you for choosing Features.”

His eyes then land on you, and he flashes you a smile. “Y/N, I know the process of deliberating and accomplishing the application was a difficult one. But I want to tell you how proud I am of you.” You can feel your lips quiver at his words. “I’m glad to hand over my position to you officially.”

Before you know it, Kevin makes his way towards you, finding his spot behind you as he rests his hand on your shoulder. As he rubs your shoulder, he brings his mouth close to your ear only for you to hear. And he whispers, “I still mean what I said then.”

His last sentence is a nod to the individual consultation you had with him regarding the position and your opinion piece. That one statement reminds you that he still thinks you are destined for greatness, and you cannot help but feel heartache. You will never find yourself forgetting the time Kevin spent to foster a space of care and growth not only for you but for the rest of your staff.

And you realize at that moment that you are now passed on with that duty—to build up your staff to become better writers while still looking out for them like you would with your friends. Because your staff will always be your friends before they are writers who work under your care. No matter what position you hold, you know that they are people you can rely on if you need to—the same goes for the editorial board.

When you feel Jacob wrap his arm around you, you notice the way he rubs on your arm. His touch is a comforting one—one where you can find yourself entering a space that is built for you to be vulnerable. And you swear you are not the type of person who will cry in front of anyone. To begin with, you already find it difficult to be vulnerable with your friends.

But at that moment, you feel the waterworks turn on. The tears slowly trail down your face as you bite on your bottom lip. Accompanied by Jacob’s comforting rubs, you feel the way he pulls you to his side so that you are closer to him. You wish you could find the right words to say at that moment, but you realize that the rest of the staff do not expect you to say anything because they understand how bittersweet this moment is.

With the way Kevin and Jacob hold you in an attempt to comfort you, you realize how indebted you are to these two. They have done nothing but care for you almost in the same way Sunwoo, Changmin, and Chanhee have for you. And it pains you to know that you will not see their faces on campus for the next year—that they will never see you doing your editor duties.

But you realize that does not have to be the case because you now know that the working relationship you have with the two has now blossomed into one of friendship. You now know you are not bidding them farewell, but an “I’ll message you whenever” instead. You are glad to have joined the publication because this choice brought you to them.

You were proud of how much you two have achieved during this difficult journey. You two have come so far—from high schoolers who were still navigating the uncertainties of adolescent years to adults who have achieved heights never imagined. Although you two still had to navigate the joys and struggles of adulthood outside of college years, you knew that you had each other to rely on.

“I’m proud of you,” your boyfriend says as soon as you finish listing some plans for the next academic year. You cannot help but smile at his words. “I mean, I’ve seen you from just being a writer to taking a spot on the editorial board. I’m so glad I got to witness that growth.”

You let your hand reach out to his cheek, your thumb grazing against his cheek. “You know, I’m also proud of you, right?” He shows you a small smile. “I mean, your passion for dance still shows, and I’m glad that you were recognized for your talents and efforts. Despite some losses, you found a way to bounce back,” you say. “And I’m glad that you were able to figure out a career path that works for you.”

He unwraps one arm from your waist so that he can let his hand rest on top of yours that remains on his face. “I’m glad that you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with me. I know how hard it is for you on most days, but I’m happy you’re taking steps to allow for that change.” And you cannot help but feel your bottom lip quiver at his words.

“I love you, Changmin,” you whisper out. You bring your face closer to his so that you can rest your forehead against his. You let your eyes close before saying, “I’m glad I got to learn all about love through you.”

You feel him give you a peck on the lips. The action makes you giggle. As you open your eyes, you see how big his smile is. “I love you, too. Thank you for being my reason to keep on going.”

In your time knowing Changmin, you learned that linked arms always come with bruised hearts—that trusting someone means having to expose your most vulnerable side to them. Although it is hard to take such steps, the feeling that comes from it after is liberating.

The reality is that loving someone means building spaces for them to tell you their deepest sentiments. It also means supporting them in all that their heart lies on—helping to reestablish their independence. But most importantly, it means giving them reasons to keep going on the journey you both embark on.

You have learned about love from your best friends more than romantic media will ever show you. And every day, you are glad to continuously learn all about it through them. And now, all the love that is stored within you will grow in abundance because your friends have spent their time filling you with it.

But most of all, you are happy to know that you are not destined for loneliness in the end. You do not have to think about going back home to a colorless home after every hard day at work. Instead, you knew that your future would be full of warmth and color—all thanks to the one person who has taught you the most about love.

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#zzoguri feedbacks #ally ❄️#i woke up just a few mins ago im sorry if im a little #over it HWJAHSJJS #still i love u dearly

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