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sparkles-oflight · 5 months ago

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Polaroid Photos - Part 1

Master Post | Chapter 2

Hi everyone! This took a long time to make :V

As you can imagine, I had to do a lot of research for this. A lot of it is fictional, but a lot of it is true! I'll leave a list on the final notes with my sources, though I couldn't remember where some of the things were from.

I got help from a lot of people on Tumblr to find them and I'd like to thank them!

Btw, I wrote this before *vaguely gestures at Bakery* that whole situation happened

(kinda wish I had written more bakery now):

As I'm writing this, I haven't written chapter 3… yet.

But I've been wanting to get this out since FOREVEEEER.

Hope you enjoy it.

The year was 2000... The Guštins’ household had their first child: a boy born from the love of a Dutch woman and a Slovenian man. His name is Kris. He’s a couple of months old, but now that he finally can sleep through a full night his mom decided to meet up with a friend, leaving the “two men of the house” – as she called them – alone.

Yet, Kris had never slept without his mom, so he was irritated, whining in hopes she would show up to sing him his usual lullaby song.

Guštin wasn’t sure of what to do since Kris seemed to hate every time his dad tried to sing the song in his mom’s place, almost as if he was mocking his poor attempt at singing in Dutch.

He got closer to Kris to get him the pacifier.

- Ugh, why are babies so ugly? – he sighed as he finally gave the object to his son which seemed to do the trick to calm him down – See, you are much cuter like that.

Guštin put his hands on his forehead and massaged it.

- I need to tell your mama we can’t be alone anymore because you clearly have a bias for her voice. And I’m a singer!

He looked down to see his son staring at him with beautiful calm blue eyes. Then he noticed Kris was moving around with his fingers almost as if he was playing the guitar, which reminded him that his son had not yet seen a guitar – he hasn’t played at home lately after all.

- Wait a minute, okay? – he smiled and kissed his son on the forehead.

Guštin rushed down the stairs and returned to the room with his acoustic guitar.

- Kris, this is a guitar. You’ll love it. – he sat next to him – Well, at least your mom did, you know? One day, I told her “Chantal, there’s something very important I need to tell you”, and you know how your mother is, right? She said, “Miha, I’m busy at the moment we can talk later”.

Miha tried to imitate his wife’s accent which made Kris chuckle a little at his father’s nonsense.

- But, Kris, when you have such big love for a woman, you just can’t hold it back. You’ll understand when you grow up. – he cleared his throat – So... I dedicated her a song. She didn’t speak Slovene at the time, of course, but it was the language I was able to express myself in rather than explain my feelings. And I gave her a sheet with the translation anyway. – he smiled nervously.

He looked a bit at the wall and tapped his fingers on the guitar before starting to play it.

- Mlin na veter me bo gnou. – “Windmill will push me.” - Da ne bom nikol' pristou – “So I never land.”

The melody at the start was very “repetitive”, almost as if raw, which was easier for Kris to get his head around the song.

- Glih zdej plavam čez oblak – “Right now I'm swimming across the clouds” - In me reže težek zrak. – “And the sharp wind is cutting me”.

Miha singing this song is no problem – usually. Now, singing it after telling a bit of his love story to his son? That’s wild.

- Al bo sonce, al bo sneg – “Let it be sun or snow” - Mene grab nervozn smeh. “I'm laughing nervously”.

It’s insane to him that he actually married the woman he loved so much, and that she came to his small country for him, and that they both have a child together!

- Rad bi ujel le njeno dlan – “I just wanna catch her hand” - Da ne odplavam predaleč stran... – “So, I don't swim too far” ...

The melody suddenly changed, and Kris’ eyes dilated as he felt chills across his body – even as a baby he felt connected to his father’s voice and emotions.

- Dnevi niso rok'n'roll – “Days aren't Rock n' Roll”- Ampak vedno tisji mol - “But a quietly descending minor”.

Miha looked at his son who looked delighted to hear his father for the first time and he couldn’t help but grin at him.

- Oči mi grize mrzu led – “Frost is biting my eyes” - Samo jaz vidim njeno sled. – “Only I can see her trail”.

As he sang, eventually, Kris fell asleep and that is still one of the memories Miha holds close to him to this day.

He remembers Kris’ childhood probably better than Maks’ and Maja’s because he was a bit hard to deal with. He remembers Kris coming home pissed for not being able to color inside lines at the kindergarten and start tearing up out of frustration. He remembers the day Kris told him and his mom he preferred Slovene food over Dutch food – a very happy day for Miha – and he particularly remembers Kris being upset after a summer vacation.

Miha and Chantal took Kris and Maks to a summer colony with their friends and the day they returned he asked his sons if they wanted to do it again, Maks mumbled “sure, whatever” while Kris started desperately sobbing because he wanted to live nearby the sea instead.

Both parents tried to find ways to make their son meet the sea more often to entertain him... But Kris made Miha worried. Maybe because he was the oldest, but he was worried because he didn’t seem to have a passion. Sure, he was playing football sometimes, but he never shared any interest in making a career out of it – nor did he have the skills from what Miha had seen. He also never picked up on the guitar even when his dad gifted him one. In fact, Kris looked annoyed at the gift, coldly even.

One day, however, Kris made a very big decision after school, when Miha was absent.

- Welcome home, Kris – Chantal told him as he entered the house.

- Hi, mama.

- Why do you look so gloomy? – she said, tucking his hair behind his ear – Did something happen?

- Mama, I want to cut my hair. – he declared.

She stopped moving her hand when he said that. He had beautiful long and straight hair, and she felt her heart tighten as he said that.

- What? Why?

He took off his shoes, put his jacket on the coat hanger, and dropped his backpack on the floor.

- I’m tired of being called a girl!

- Kris... you know your hair has nothing to do with who you are.

- I know that! You and Dad already told me about it!

- Then why do you want to cut your beautiful hair?

- What if I don’t want to have this hair?

- Then we can cut it, but remember, I’ll only help you with that if that is really what you want to do.

Kris took a deep breath and his flustered skin seemed to cool off for a bit.

- It is what I want to do. – he said confidently.

- Promise? – she smiled at him.

- Promise.

Chantal hugged him strongly.

Later, she told Miha about Kris’ decision which made him proud. Sure, you shouldn’t change just because someone told you something mean, but the fact Kris got the courage to declare something he wanted to do with himself seemed like progress to Miha.

One time, neither Miha nor Chantal could take Maja to dance practice and asked Kris to do it since they lived nearby after all. He didn’t seem so happy about taking his little sister there, but alas.

- Ugh, and where do I put this? – Kris sighed while waving around her bag.

Maja still couldn’t carry around her bag on her own and there was no way Kris was taking it to the girl's locker room. He would rather not be wanted for harassing children at the age of 14, thanks.

- You can... leave it with Ema.

- Ema, Ema... You are always talking about this Ema girl, who’s she? An old hag?

- Our teacher! Well, sometimes... Marija! – Maja yelled for another girl her age who walked in.

They both started talking so fast and with such squeaking voices that Kris could not keep up with the conversation.

Eventually, a girl around his age walked in.

- Marija, calm down! – she smiled.

This girl seemed like another older sibling trying to keep her sister calm, though she seemed calmer than Kris.

She’s tall, but not taller than Kris, she has blonde hair and green eyes, and Kris’ lips can’t help but form a smile since, to him, she looked so beautiful. In her voice, he also noticed a strong accent which he couldn’t exactly pinpoint where it came from.

- They can be annoying like that sometimes. Always talking kids’ stuff and... you know. – he put his hands on his hips.

- Yeah. Are you Maja’s brother? I’ve heard about you.

- Good or Bad things?

- Depends on what you consider good. – she smiled – Do you also do gymnastics?

- Nah, I can’t bear this actually, not really my thing.

- Oh really? I thought you’d enjoy something like gymnastics... like floor gymnastics. Though I guess men’s gymnastics doesn’t really have music.

- What? – Kris looked confused – What does that have to do with me?

- I mean, you are part of a family of musicians, aren’t you?

That struck a nerve in Kris’ head. He actually doesn’t get the hype around his family, and he doesn’t get his father’s love for the guitar and singing. He had one of his own and he probably only touched it once, if even that, since he got it.

- Oh God, we are late, Maja, Marija! – she said.

- Oh, sorry. – Kris gave her the bag as he snapped back in, he then noticed the girl was carrying around two bags – Ugh, nice talking with you.

- Nice to talk to you too, Maks.

- I’m Kris actually.

- Oh! Sorry, got the brothers wrong! – she smiled at him.

- What’s your name?

- Ema. See you around!

The three of them ran inside and Kris was left there slightly flustered.

“See you around”, she said. Kris would remember that. Kris would make sure to take Maja to practice as much as he could. He learned Ema was a year older than him and she came from Vrhnika to Ljubljana twice a week for practice and sometimes on the weekends to visit her relatives, and she was not Maja’s teacher, she just assisted the class sometimes.

With Ema, Kris developed a friendship and also a slight crush on her, though he didn’t act upon it... for a while at least. And while Kris loved spending time with Ema, he realized he didn’t have a passion like she had for gymnastics. What was he going to dedicate his life to?

Eventually, he decided to join the school’s newspaper. Becoming a journalist would probably help him with his grades, who knows? He only knew he was tired of having his Slovene teacher on his ass all the time. He has been speaking the language for his whole life, how come he’s failing at it?

Well, that didn’t matter because Kris actually took a liking into writing, though he wished he could give his opinion more often than just “stay impartial”.

One day, he was asked to interview the band Apokalipsa. He had been to one of their concerts before, though he couldn’t remember them that well. Honestly, the only reason he even remembered the name was because his father was collaborating with them for the school’s new anthem.

Kris walked to the gym where the band was having a rehearsal, and he could hear from the outside a bit of what they were playing.

Was that... “Led s Severa”? The song Kris’ father dedicated to his mom?

- In jaz grem tja, kjer je led iz severa.- “And I’m going there, where there’s ice from the North”.

Kris rushed to the gym and opened inside he yelled:

- Wrong!

The band suddenly stopped playing and started looking at this tall boy who interrupted.

- Who are you? – the drummer asked.

The small vocalist squinted his eyes to look at Kris.

- Are you... Oh! You are Gušti’s son!

- Yeah! – he got closer to them – And you are playing it wrong!

- What? – the singer laughed.

- This song isn’t played with distortion!

Kris started messing around with the pedals which seemed to get the singer pissed.

- Hey, yo, what are you doing!? Do you even know how to play the guitar?

- No, but-

- I’m so sorry, everyone. – a voice cut off Kris.

They all turned to look who had entered and it was Miha.

- What seems to be the problem? – he frowned his brow as he noticed Kris messing with the equipment.

- Nothing. – he said – I came to interview them, not you.

- Well, you should start by saying “hi”, next time. Sorry, guys, this is my rebellious son, Kris. – he pinched his cheek.

The singer smiled and extended his hand to Kris which he took hesitantly.

- I’m Bojan – he said – This is Martin, bass player, Matic is the drummer and Luka is the guitarist.

Kris had an interview with them as the original plan demanded. He noticed the one who was the most outspoken was Bojan. Bojan sure loved to talk, but he loved music somehow even more. Kris was actually fascinated by his passion, he almost... thought music was good.

To Kris, music was cold like ice which he was scared to touch... he was scared that the ice would melt under his touch, and he was scared of burning himself out with it... that’s why he never shared an interest in music... until the day he heard Apokalispa playing again.

More than their version of Led S Severa, more than the performance itself, Kris loved how Bojan interacted with the crowd. How he moved around and how he smiled. Sure, his voice needed to be worked a bit better, but he felt the need to see him more often and to... feel what Bojan was showing: confidence.

To him, Bojan’s presence is as if a bubblegum-pink flower was gifted to him to take care of. Flowers thrive with water and sun, but Kris had no way of watering it. How could he protect and help nourish such a precious object?

There was only one way... He had to melt the ice.

And for that, he needed help from someone who had managed to do it first.

When he got home, he touched the guitar his father had gifted him. He felt the steel chords against his skin and wondered how they sounded, how he could make them sound... Were they warm enough to melt that ice?

Miha was surprised to see Kris knock on his office’s door and to be looking at the floor as if he was.... embarrassed?

- Dad, can I talk to you?

- Sure, what do you want? - he set his guitar aside.

Kris entered and closed the door behind him and sat next to Miha.

- Can you... uhm. – he was a bit lost, but quickly recomposed himself – Dad, can you teach me how to play the guitar?

Miha’s face brightened up suddenly and he pulled Kris into a hug which the younger tried to uselessly fight against.

- FINALLY! – Miha kissed his cheeks, and he chuckled.

- I TAKE IT BACK, DAD!

Miha finally let him go and looked at him in his eyes.

- What changed?

Kris didn’t know how to reply... What was he going to say? “Ah yeah, flowers need water so I wanna play the guitar”? No way.

- I have this girl I want to impress. – he lied – And I think music would reach her heart.

Miha put his hand on his chest. “So, my son is in love...”, he thought.

Miha felt so happy for Kris loving someone so much that he’d be willing to change for another and to better himself.

- Dad, are you crying?

- Yeah. – he brushed the tear falling from his eyes away – You have grown so much.

Guštin tried his best to teach Kris the basics, but there was only so much he could do before Kris got lost or started complaining about how the chords hurt him. Okay, he can admit he’s not the best teacher... that’s why he decided to enroll Kris in guitar lessons during the summer.

Kris was presented to a quiet boy with dark hair and a beard. He was a year older than him and had only started playing recently too.

Kris didn’t like him much at first because he didn’t “go to the classes to make friends”, but then he heard him play and he was imminently blown away by the sound this boy could produce from the same instrument Kris had.

- Very well, Jan. – their teacher said – Jan, this is Kris. Kris this is Jan.

- Hello. – Jan smiled at him.

- Hi.

Kris was puzzled. How come such a quiet person has such a bright smile and sound?

After a while, their teacher suggested they play together and then a band... which they both seemed eager to start. Buržuazija was the name.

Kris started talking a lot with Jan even after classes and they started to hang out together often, plus Jan seemed to know Ema and he helped the two of them get together.

One day, after one of their shows, Bojan asked Kris for Jan’s number. He wasn’t sure why Bojan wanted his number, but Jan didn’t seem to mind. A couple of days later, Bojan invited Jan into a new band with Martin and Matic. Bojan invited Kris on the same day, but he hesitated at first.

“I’ll think of the matter”, he told him.

He talked to his parents about it. He wasn’t totally satisfied with how things were going with his band, and he would really like to play with Bojan and keep playing with Jan. Plus, he knew the Apokalipsa guys for longer... His heart had already decided for him, he just felt like he needed some sort of validation from his parents, which more than willing to give it to him.

They created a Facebook group chat and decided their name by throwing suggestions into the melting pot. Joker Out was the name they decided to stick to it. It has no meaning, it’s just something stupid they came up with.

They went on to write their first song, win their first competition, to have a break... Actually, when Kris stopped talking with Bojan during the band’s hiatus, he was also dumped by his girlfriend.

They were both at his house alone when the fighting started.

- I’m just trying to be honest with you and you keep letting me down! – he told her.

- WELL, IT’S TIME FOR US TO BE OVER THEN! – she yelled – IF YOU ARE JUST GOING TO BE RUTHLESS TO ME!

- I’m just being honest!

- Honesty hurts sometimes, Kris! You are my boyfriend you are supposed to be on MY SIDE!

- I’m trying to not hurt you by not telling you pretty lies!

- Bye Kris.

- We aren’t-!

- I said: BYE KRIS! – she picked up her purse, flipped him off, and left the house.

He sat down and clasped his hands together...trying to cool himself but then he suddenly threw the ring she gave to him against a nearby mirror shattering it in pieces.

He couldn’t bear being in that suffocating room, so he left and rode his bike to the Ljubljanica River as tears fell down his face. This was the closest thing he had to a sea or an ocean... This small river.

Kris Guštin: My girlfriend dumped me

Janči: are you okay?

Kris Guštin: I don’t want to talk about it anymore

Janči: then what do you want?

Kris Guštin: I want to go out! I want to drink! And I want to forget about everything

Janči: alcoholic :/

In the end, they decided to go to a nearby gay bar. Jan insisted there were cool people there to talk to and it’s not like Kris was immediately planning to flirt with anyone after a rough breakup.

Kris stayed mostly isolated at that club, even after multiple guys tried to flirt with him, though it seemed like Jan was the one having the best time by flirting back at them.

Kris just wanted to drink, managing his emotions was a job for the “Kris of tomorrow”.

- And I was just being honest! – Kris laughed after God knows how many drinks – I just wanted the best for her.

- Hey! Are you going to drink that? – Jan pointed to Kris’ shirt in which he had spilled bear earlier that night.

- Drink what?

Jan licked the stain making him giggle and, eventually, Kris started to feel more motivated to talk to people and dance at the club.

Kris noticed a small guy with brown hair and eyes who seemed as excited as a little puppy, and they danced around each other almost all night. He can’t remember exactly what happened, but they both ended up kissing as the purple square lights painted the scenery in a beautiful mosaic.

He knew it was wrong... He knew it was wrong to kiss someone right after a breakup, but it felt so good. It was his first time kissing a guy, and he didn’t know it was supposed to feel this great! He didn’t know he wanted to entangle his fingers in his hair, kiss his neck, and make him moan all night. He didn’t know that.

He fought against the alcohol to avoid taking it further – Kris doubted his parents would feel great about him bringing a stranger back home as a 17-year-old.

In the end, Jan had to drag him out of the club and take him home.

After the band’s conflicts were solved, Kris started his last year of school, feeling now so much better than how he did during those months.

During Christmas vacations, he visited his family in the Netherlands as always, and that year he had been invited to spend New Year’s with a bunch of Dutch friends, which his parents allowed him to go.

Most of his friends had girlfriends or boyfriends who planned to kiss each other when the countdown reached zero – something Kris only came to find out an hour into their party.

He didn’t know whether one particular girl at the party was single or not. He didn’t even know her, actually. She seemed to know most girls there, but Kris had never seen her. She was a tall brunette with long hair and a very enchanting smile.

As both their friends left their groups to their partners, Kris and the girl ended up having to talk to each other.

Her name was Klara, and she was a year older and studied physics in Rotterdam. Her family was originally from Indonesia, just as Kris’ grandpa, and she seemed invested in Kris’ stories about Slovenia, and his band, and his friends and family and...

Kris got distracted talking to her. One of their friends had to basically drag the two of them to the balcony to see the fireworks.

- Should we kiss each other? – Klara asked Kris.

- Sure. – he sure hoped he could use the cold of Amsterdam as an excuse for his flustered face.

Kris and Klara had their first kiss that night, one that lasted a bit longer than you’d expect for a New Year’s kiss. It even got some of their friends telling them to get a room.

At the end of the night, they exchanged numbers and promised to meet again as Klara kissed Kris on the cheek goodbye.

They did end up visiting each other as often as they could during vacations and eventually started dating.

As seasons began to change, Kris decided to go to the river with some of his friends and when he finally got some time to lay on his towel, he felt a shadow being cast on him.

When he opened his eyes, he noticed a familiar face: Ema’s.

- Hello, Krisko. – she said hesitantly.

He didn’t say a word, instead, he just sat down, now left with an uncomfortable feeling brought by her presence.

- Can I sit next to you?

He didn’t say anything, instead, he looked at her hair, and at its new color: brown.

- How are things going for you? - she asked – I imagine you have a lot of work now with university and... is the band still a thing?

- Yes. – Kris replied dryly as he couldn’t help but feel powerless next to her.

- I’m in Ljubljana for this week, spring break, you know how it is. – she chucked awkwardly – Listen, Krisko-!

- Don’t call me that.

- Oh yeah… I forgot I’m no longer your girlfriend so I can’t call you nicknames, I see. Does your new girlfriend call you that?

“News spreads fast”, Kris thought.

- What did you come here for?

She stopped for a while before talking again.

- Krisko, I miss you. – she declared – And I heard you had a new girlfriend and I noticed how much I missed you as my boyfriend and I-

- And you what?

- I forgive you.

- Forgive me?

- Yes! Like, I get it: Not everyone is great at giving up their values for others, but I understand that-

- You understood nothing! Please, don’t talk to me anymore! I want you out of my life!

- But Krisko-!

- Stop! I’m so done with you! You were the one who put an end to our relationship, don’t you dare crawl back and ask us to get back together!

- If that’s what you want, so be it! – she got up – But I dare you to try and keep up that “honest act” of yours and see who will be left in your friend group!

- My friends understand me unlike you! – he also got up.

- Oh, do they now, Kris? Or are you forgetting your band already broke up once because of you!? – she pointed to his chest – You and Bojan decided to fight for something stupid and the band broke up. You can’t keep relationships, Kris!

He breathed in slowly and then proceeded to remove Ema’s finger from his chest.

- The difference between Bojan and the band, and you is that I would come back to them over and over again! But to you? Sorry, Ema, I can’t even bear the sight of you anymore if you think relationships are something as fragile as that. The only reason your relationships are like that is because you could never change for someone else, Ema.

She looked at him in shock. She started crying and with one last yell:

- Fuck you, Kris.

And he never saw her again.

Kris picked up his stuff and texted the group about his departure.

When he got home, he immediately locked himself in his room with just his thoughts and the guitar.

He was bitter, and he wanted to play the aggressive chords and notes that came out of his heart and were played by his fingers.

He was done living in a world where his view was shaped by hers. He wanted to live in a world where he was allowed to see and experiment with all the colors, even the ugly ones, because what’s the point if not?

- This song is shit. – Bojan told him

- Seriously!? – Kris complained.

- Sorry not sorry, Krisko, but this is a no. We could always rework it if you want but I think this is really bad. Want my help?

- No, I don’t want your fucking help.

- Well, bummer. – he stayed quiet before he turned to smile again – Tell me again what you told to Ema?

- Bojan, enough.

- “The difference between Bojan and the band, and you is that I would come back to them over and over again”, I like that. – Bojan giggled and Kris threw a pillow at his face.

- We don’t talk about it anymore!

- Boo-hoo. I love you too. – Bojan went to Kris and grabbed his cheeks to kiss him in the face while the younger one protested.

After a few more rejected versions of the song, Kris came up with the final song and it was finally approved by all the elements of the band. The name? “Ne govoriva več o tem”(Ngvot) - “We don’t talk about it anymore”.

The next song Kris ended up writing was “Dopamin”.

At first, he was a bit lost on what to do since Bojan kept rejecting his song over and over again. He knew he wanted something to do with science because he wanted to sing it for Klara, but the lyrics sounded forced.

Then Bojan asked him to think of a moment. To think of a moment, or a touch, or a gesture, or a word that was dedicated to him and where he felt a rush of adrenaline, that’s where he would find his source of inspiration.

But Kris couldn’t think of anything. What would he choose? The few dates he had with Klara? Their first time? Their declaration to each other? Their first kiss? All of these sounded so basic to him. They sounded...overdone.

So, he chose another important moment of his life unrelated to Klara: the kiss he shared with the stranger at the club.

Sure, it’s not about Klara, but Kris felt such a rush of dopamine when he kissed those lips as if he would die if he spent any second apart from them, and maybe if he wasn’t so drunk he would have asked that person out, but now they were gone.

Yet Kris still puts his fingers on his lips when he thinks of that day as if he hoped to find him again and ask him what he did to shake his ground so much.

Eventually, Kris concluded he must be “some flavor of gay” – Jan facepalmed when he heard that.

For a while, the boys tried to fit their careers with their studies and jobs, but, in 2020, everything closed, and, while on lockdown, Bojan decided to sing at home and make a small solo concert at home.

Kris was excited to watch it and decided to gather his whole family to hear the songs since Bojan was planning to sing one of the new ones. Maks was the only one that objected but their mom told them that the band is important for Kris so he should listen.

Bojan began with singing “Gola” and oh how the memories flushed back to Kris... About the band’s hiatus period how this song was both responsible for it and how it brought them together again.

Kris could almost swear he melted hearing this version – but he won’t. Nobody needs to know that.

“Omamlejno Telo” was next and oh, Bojan decided to sing softly again...okay. It's so obvious his vocal progression with this one... His voice control has changed to a whole new level...

- “Vem da Greš”? – Miha asked.

- Oh, it’s our new single. Bojan really likes this one.

Kris remembers what Bojan told him about “Vem da Greš”. He said he met someone while we were on a break and that they shook their ground, but they left him. He said he would travel to the sun for that person and leave his life behind as the Earth burns.

“Dramatic bitch”, Kris thought.

Kris’ mind turned off for a second until he heard Bojan mention his name and how he had two songs in the album they were going to release.

- I can’t sing it, but I would like to sing something that’s probably close to him. – the singer said through the screen – So I’m going to play something his father wrote.

Kris turned to Miha, and everyone else turned to Kris as he started trying to make himself small on the couch and hid his flustered cheeks as much as he could.

- I’m going to sing “Garbage (Hip hop med nogami)”.

- Mama, is that a dad song? – Maja asked.

“Shit, she’s here”, Kris forgot about his younger sister. Should she be hearing this? Doesn’t look like it by the face his mom was making.

Maks on the other hand seemed to suddenly wake up from scrolling on his phone.

- Všeč si mi k' hod'š, všeč k' govoriš – “I like the way you walk, I like the way you talk” -Všeč so mi poteze, vse k' jih nardiš – “I like the moves you make”.

Kris tried very hard to not look at any of his family member’s faces, so he forced himself to just look at Bojan on the screen.

- Mikajo me noge, mika me telo – “I’m tempted by your legs, I’m tempted by your body” - Nor sem na štrumpantle in svilen blago – “I'm crazy about strumpets and silk fabrics”.

Okay, Kris had to look away after that one and Maks is fucking recording the screen, seriously?

- Mama, why does Bojan want Kris in silk fabrics?

- Okay, Maja, I think it’s past your bedtime now. – Chantal tried to remove the young girl from the room, but she kept insisting on staying.

- Bojan looks very embarrassed, Kris. OH MY GOD, WAS THAT A LIP BITE!? – Maks laughed out loud and Kris threw him a slipper to the head – MAMA, KRIS HIT ME!

- Kris! – she complained.

- Sorry, mama.

- Dostkrat se sprašujem, dostkrat mi ni prou – "Many times I wonder, many times I don't understand” - Zakaj me ne pogledaš, mogoče ti bo žou! “Why don't you look at me, maybe you'll like it!”

- Kris, please look at him, he has puppy eyes.

And another slipper went flying.

- Both of you are grounded.

- Mama, I’m an adult already! – Kris complained.

- Then act like it!

- Sanjam, k' ti prste zapletem med lase – “I dream of tangling my fingers in your hair” - Sanjam, k' ti jezik prlep'm na zobe – “I dream of sticking my tongue on your teeth”.

- NO WAY, NO WAY, NO WAY. – Maks said and this time it was Maja who told him to shut it.

- Hotu bi te gledat, hotu bi te 'met – “I would like to look at you, I would like to throw you” - Raztrgu bi obleko, vzel bi ves tvoj med – “I'd rip your dress, I'd take all your honey”.

Kris wanted to kill Maks for being a nuisance, Bojan for telling him to watch this concert, his father for writing the song, and himself for inviting the whole family to watch this. He’s not sure in which order he should go by, though.

He looked around and noticed his father wasn’t there anymore, when did he leave?

- Garbage hip hop med nogami – “Garbage hip hop between your legs” – Garbage hip hop.

Chantal turned off the television they were watching the transmission from and sighed.

- That’s enough of that... – she stayed silent for a while before yelling – GUŠTIN GET YOUR ASS HERE, I’M SURE YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS!

Kris sighed... it was finally over.

- I have a question! – Maja raised her arm – Why does Bojan want to be in between your legs?

- No, Maja, no he doesn’t. – Kris dismissed her.

- Like, it makes no sense. You wouldn’t be able to breathe.

- I...

- In a couple of years, I tell you what that’s about. – Maks told her.

- I’m only 5 years younger than you!

- Maks. – Kris called him - Friendly reminder the song was written by Dad. In case you want to tell her in detail about what it is, just think about the fact Dad wrote about someone.

- Okay, gross.

What were two weeks turned into a couple of months of not being able to go outside normally.

One morning, Kris got out of his room nearing midday and was greeted by his mom on the way to his room.

- Kris... Your hair is a mess.

- I just woke up. – he scratched the back of his head and yawned.

His hair was in the air, and he had an online class in about 5 minutes – which he did not plan to turn his camera on for. He had spent a good chunk of the night on a call with some of his friends playing Among Us – which he only won when he wasn’t the impostor because he is just too easy to read when he’s lying.

- Let me fix that for you. – Kris bent down for his mom to help him with his hair – Your hair is growing so much.

- Oh, yeah. I guess I haven’t cut it in a while.

- I like it so much. – Chantal tucked it behind his ear – It has been a long time since I’ve seen it like that.

- I guess so... – they stood next to each other and looked at the mirror in the hallway,

- You’ve grown to be a handsome man, Kris.

- Mama...

- Je mama houdt zoveel van je... – “Your mama loves you very much”.

- Ik houd ook van jou. – “I love you too” – Now I’ll be late for my class!

- Oh, yes! Sorry about that. I’ll wake up your sister who’s late for hers.

It was during the pandemic that Kris found confidence in his hairstyle and gender identity. He decided to let his hair grow again because he understood it didn’t matter what people would think: he still felt like a man and “hair is hair” not your gender identity. And if someone is bothered by that, Kris would laugh in their face because he didn’t care.

A while after the lockdown, Matic left the band and Jure replaced him and that’s when the Demoni era began.

With his newfound confidence, Kris felt like he could finally release “Ngvot” officially.

They were a little scared of releasing Demoni since they were just starting to make it begin in Slovenia. What if the “second album curse” fell onto it? What if it didn’t fit the expectations? However, they managed to keep the curse away and the album seemed to do just as great if not better than their first album!

But with so much success and with things starting to “get real”, someone had to make a decision: Martin left the band. And Kris remembers very well the tears that followed and the fear that overtook all of them and how all their burdens fell onto him.

Even so, they proceeded. They continued even scared because that was the only way they’d achieve their dreams.

After the new member arrived at the band, Nace, Kris got along with him very well. They hung out most days especially because they lived near each other and they would often have Jam sessions, and Kris knew he could count on Nace when he just needed a moment of peace from the whole band.

Nace was his roommate during Eurovision, and he was there when Kris arrived at their room after the semi-final, and he just jumped on the bed to stare at the ceiling as the adrenaline died down and he started to feel tears forming in his eyes, and rolling down his cheeks.

- Nace... – he said – We are in the final. We are in the fucking final!

Nace hugged him and cry kept crying.

- We did it, Nace! We did it... I’m so happy.

- And we are going to keep at it, okay?

- Definitely.

♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩

Bokris from Miha's pov hehe.

anyways! Sources!

CHAPTER 1

Miha thought Kris was ugly as a baby and he gave him a guitar at 11: https://novice.svet24.si/clanek/zabava/626a937a72d5e/miha-gustin-gusti-upam-da-sinu-ne-delam-sramote

Kris didn't like his father's music: https://novice.svet24.si/clanek/astro/616977e71ab9c/miha-gustin-gusti-in-sin-kris-glasbenika-in-zaveznika-razlicna-okusa-a-ista-ljubezen-do-glasbe

Kris wasn't able to color inside the lines (same source as point 1)

Kris likes more Slovenian food than dutch: https://jokeroutsubs.tumblr.com/post/739664742412697600/eng-translation-rocknroll-in-the-blood

Summer Vacation: https://mihagustin.blogspot.com/2011/07/najstnisko-dolgocasje.html

Kris used to play football: https://youtu.be/qpYY9BwpLRc?si=NiblKnDzy99vTDnp&t=373

Kris doesn't think he's good at sports or games (same source as 6)

Kris decided to cut his hair at the age of 10 because he was bullied for "being a girl" : https://youtube.com/shorts/syrFFuLax7U?si=9QkodFxyt98OZU1F

Kris wasn't good in school, but then he became an excellent student (same source as 2)

Miha and Chantal are Allieeeees: https://youtu.be/gRSbqtNlsXA?si=k05ZWnJXrL1VOyHL

Maja does gymnastics (same source as point 4)

Kris was a reporter at school when he met the apokalipsa guys: https://www.tumblr.com/jokeroutsubs/725625224282963968/nace-jordan-for-slovenian-online-journal-aleteia?source=share

Kris started playing guitar after meeting Bojan and because of the girls even though his father is a musician: https://youtu.be/U8J_RhxAQdE?si=xwhrcI-KaKUUxW2N

That song isn't played with distortion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIlnXLv1g1Y&ab_channel=Elja

Kris asking his dad to teach him how to play (same source as point 2)

Look at Krisko at the Apokalipsa's concert: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7iCkNDnHMo&ab_channel=BANDAPOKALIPSA

Kris and Jan's band: https://youtu.be/GQNhhX7ih5A?si=xFsaLhmVruOVK7Hu

Ngvot: https://youtu.be/hP79eReOczA?si=2IyyLFCA67VlpEQE

Gay Bar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sotVP84VSFk&ab_channel=Alex

Kris hard to get: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djIyhgUmWlA&ab_channel=EurovisionInsider & https://www.tumblr.com/kurooscoffee/732261010119016448/eng-sub-dropping-some-bokris-lore-bc-this-is-too?source=share

Gola: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ccs1DU8bya4&ab_channel=kurooscoffee

Kris' GF is dutch (Same source as point 4)

Bojan rejected Ngvot multiple times (NEED HELP FINDING THE SOURCE)

Bojan rejecting Dopamin: https://youtu.be/obG8dxtDH-o?si=W5FaO-HI-UzW5Lhb&t=1042

Either Bele Sanje or Dopamin is about a girl: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C2Kepp8udXQ/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Garbage HipHop: https://www.tumblr.com/kurooscoffee/743786585087148032/reblogging-cuz-i-googled-what-%C5%A1trumpantli?source=share

In 2022, Miha said Kris was dating a girl for the past 3 years: https://novice.svet24.si/clanek/astro/616977e71ab9c/miha-gustin-gusti-in-sin-kris-glasbenika-in-zaveznika-razlicna-okusa-a-ista-ljubezen-do-glasbe

As of the beginning of 2023, he was still dating the same girl: https://jokeroutsubs.tumblr.com/post/720664604133523456/hey-guys-thanks-for-all-your-hard-work

Kris and Nace were roommates during ESC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARgHgpEz9iI&ab_channel=ESCunited

Real Miha and Chantal love story (JUST LOOK AT THEM, THEY ARE ADORABLE): https://x.com/kurooscoffee/status/1806671881308659810?s=46&t=yp0BYR2xB56k6qgtrkXLOg

Kris wrote NGVOT in 2018: https://www.metropolitan.si/scena/glasba/skupina-joker-out-nam-je-razkrila-kaj-ne-sme-manjkati-v-zaodrju-preseneceni-boste/

#never made a post so long I think lol #joker out #joker out kris #joker out bojan #bokris #joker out fanfic #polaroid photos universe

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