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yourbelgianthings · 1 year ago

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run from me, darling

(another) oksamber fic, 2.4k words, starts off nice but gets angsty, no tws (title is from the song run from me by timber timbre which is on my oksamber playlist)

Amber smiled and waved at Kodira through the windows as she watched her approach the small diner. The ballaster of defense was slightly late to their agreed upon time, but after a year of not seeing each other, Amber was just glad she had been able to get the night off at all. A small bell on the door jingled as it swung open and Kodira entered, the heels of her boots clicking on the linoleum floor.

“Amber, did you actually pick a place called the Yum Nut Diner?” she laughed as she slid into the other side of the booth.

“You've never even been here before, bubba! Don’t judge from the name, it’s a classic.” A briinarr waiter in a red apron brought them glasses of water and a menu, and just as Amber was starting to suggest a dish for Kodira to try, the doorbell jingled again and Devo and Zoox walked in. Kodira saw them first and tried to shake her head, but it was too late. The chaperones kept track of all the crews who worked for the Bluespan Brokerage, so she knew they were with Amber even though they hadn’t actually gotten to talk about it.

“Amber! And you’re here with the ballaster of defense? What a coincidence!” Devo exclaimed.

“Hi!” Zoox waved (and noticeably had not brought his crossbow).

As the rest of her crew approached the booth, Amber felt Kodira’s hand gently squeeze her thigh under the table.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Amber practically hissed.

“Why, Captain, have you heard of a double date?” Devo asked dramatically, leaning on the table as Zoox gave a thumbs up behind him. She simply flopped her head down on her arms, but Kodira was trying not to burst out laughing.

“Listen, you two, that’s not what you think it is. Come with me,” she said, leading them back towards the door. The rest of the Coriolis crew was successfully shooed away with a couple lux in their pockets on the condition that they would go get dinner at least four blocks away. Kodira returned to the table and poked Amber.

“Hey, coast is clear.” Amber looked up at her, very annoyed. “That is possibly the silliest security breach I have had to deal with in my time as ballaster of defense.” That got a smile from Amber, and then she said,

“Anyway, we came for dinner, and I’m still hungry, what about you?” They each got fish and chips, and split a chocolate milkshake with two straws, staying and catching up with each other until the diner closed, long after their food was gone. In front of the diner, alone with the dark, quiet city around them, the two women paused before parting ways. There was a sense of something unsaid lingering in the air between them, as always, but it ended with nothing more than “Well, night, bubba,” and “See you soon, Amber.”

A couple weeks later, the tone wheel on the Coriolis rang. The ship was docked in its designated spot, Zoox was out for a swim, and Devo had stopped by Brother Seldom’s, leaving Amber alone on the ship. She hadn’t felt like going to the Cloaca, so she had just been absentmindedly flipping through a magazine in Amber’s Place when the tone wheel rang. The sudden noise didn’t startle her, but the voice on the other side did.

“Kella sai, you’ve got Captain Amber Gris of the Coriolis.”

“Hello, Amber, do you have a minute?” asked Kodira.

Amber nearly fell over. “Why are you calling the ship phone?!”

“You know you always keep your tone wheel on silent.”

“And that makes it okay for you to call me at work with personal business?” Amber huffed. “Whatever, what’s up, bubba?” She sat down and leaned back in the pilot’s chair, although it was adjusted to Devo’s height, so her legs dangled far above the floor.

“I just wanted to invite you over,” Kodira said casually, “when’s a good time?”

“Like…to the Ballast?” came the uncharacteristically hesitant reply.

“That is where I’ve lived for the past 30 years, yes.”

Clutching the arm of the chair with her free hand, Amber exhaled deeply. “Whenever works for me, bubba.”

“Great, I’ll see you tomorrow at 7 then. Meet me out front.” *click*

The line went dead and Amber was alone on the bridge, unsure quite how to feel about what she had gotten herself into. However, not being one to worry if it could be avoided or dwell on feelings, she headed to go work on some repairs (it’s not like they were getting done by Urchin, anyway). All the details of tomorrow could be a tomorrow problem.

Over in the Ballast, sitting at her desk in her private chambers, Kodira worried that she was being presumptuous. Things hadn’t gone the best the last time they had seen each other before dinner a few weeks back, a year ago. But, her and Amber would always be friends, so there was no harm in asking, right? Before her mind could drift any further, there was a knock on the door, and the high ballaster Hermine swept in with an armful of papers. The day’s business was not yet done.

The next day, Amber found herself facing a problem she had not thought about a day in her life: what to wear. It wasn’t that she cared about impressing Kodira, she just didn’t want to impress either of them in the much nicer environment of the Ballast. Before having applied for the Bluespan Brokerage, Uncle Joshie had agreed to keep a trunk with some of Amber’s things that she considered too valuable to keep on the ship. As she headed towards the Cloaca, Amber actually found herself hoping Joshie wouldn’t be in. Of course, he was her closest friend besides Kodira, but she was just on edge today and not in the mood for a vibe check. To her relief, though, only Chauncey was behind the bar, so she could get what she needed without any unnecessary to do.

Back on the Coriolis, safely in Amber’s Place with the door locked, she placed the item she had retrieved on the bed: a plain white button down shirt. It was dusty but in fairly good shape, and had not been worn for decades. The shirt had been her father’s, although as a fisher, he had little reason to actually wear it. Amber took it with her when she left for the shoreside, and she had never worn it, but she figured now was as good a time as any. Slipping her arms into the sleeves, and slowly fastening most of the buttons, she closed her eyes and imagined it felt like one last hug from her daddy. She also had exactly one pair of long pants (they were cargo pants, but still), but no shoes that would work.

“Hey, Devo!” she shouted.

Footsteps ran through the ship and stopped outside the door. “What do you need, Amber?” Devo asked. “I’m here, but I can’t open your door.”

“Ha, you’ve finally learned how things work around here. You got a nice pair of shoes I can borrow?”

“I guess so?” he replied. “They might not fit you, let’s see.” Amber listened to Devo retreat, and sighed, unable to believe he was who she was asking for help in this situation. But ultimately, it was to do right by Kodira, so she could put up with being a bit uncomfortable. Then Devo knocked, and she opened the door.

“Amber, you look very nice,” Devo complimented his captain.

“Thanks, Devo, I owe you one. Go on now.” His shiny dress shoes fit surprisingly well as she tied them on. There was nothing left to do but walk to the Ballast, to return to her home during the first year under the sea that she hadn’t been back to since.

Kodira stood in front of the Ballast, waiting for Amber, considering how her friend might see it. In her mind, she had just invited Amber to her house, but it was more than that and she knew it. She was the ballaster of defense who lived in the headquarters of the government: not exactly the most warm and welcoming. It was too late to second guess things now, though, and she did really want to have a good night.

When Amber and Kodira’s eyes met, they were overwhelmed with such deep affection for each other that they were lost for words. Something about the difference of circumstance, yet its shared familiarity from so long ago, seeped into the cracks of their time worn and toughened hearts. Kodira thought Amber was as handsome as ever, and she still wore her hair in the same two braids below her ears in the front with a bandana kerchief tied at the nape of her neck, their reddish brown color was just streaked with gray now. Amber thought Kodira was beautiful, and nobody else had ever been beautiful to her. The ballaster’s grace and confidence with everything she had to do on a daily basis was impressive, that was what she truly believed despite the resentment she still struggled with sometimes.

“Oh wow, Amber, you didn’t need to dress up for me,” Kodira remarked, breaking the silence.

“I didn’t.” With that, they headed back into the Ballast and up the stairs to Kodira’s chamber. There was a nice bottle of wine sitting on a side table with two glasses next to it. Kodira poured herself some and offered it to Amber, who filled her glass almost all the way to the top, immediately taking a big sip before asking, “Okay, bubba, what do you want?”

Kodira had sat down in a dark blue velvet armchair, and as she looked at Amber, her face fell. “What do you mean, what do I want? Can I not just invite you over for the night?”

“I mean sure, and you did, which is nice, but we don’t usually hang out anywhere where it’s just the two of us, so I figured something was up.” She drank more of her wine and was not making eye contact.

“Amber, come over here.” Amber did, sitting on Kodira’s lap, and swinging her legs over the arm of the chair, resting one of her arms around Kodira’s shoulders. Subconsciously, as their bodies made contact, they both felt themselves relax, slightly melting into the chair and each other.

“See?” Kodira whispered. “It’s still so natural. We haven’t forgotten.” She felt Amber’s weight shift slightly and then settle as she rested her head against Kodira’s neck.

“Listen, bubba, I know where this is going. I could talk about what’s gone all night and it wouldn’t do anyone any good. While it’s just the two of us and your big fancy bed, though…”

Amber pushed herself up off Kodira and grabbed her hand. In just a few steps, they fell onto the bed, kissing each other ravenously, hands pulling hair and caressing stomachs and thighs, breath hitching and little moans between kisses. Kodira exhaled deeply, gently running her hand down Amber’s cheekbone.

“You’ve certainly still got it,” she mumbled.

Amber grinned. “I know, bubba. You’re not bad yourself.” They cuddled for a while, allowing themselves to simply indulge in feeling the weight and warmth of each other’s bodies pressing against each other. Then, all of a sudden, just as Kodira was starting to undo the buttons on Amber’s shirt, the red light on her forehead lit up. Her eyes glazed over, and Amber reflexively pulled away. Just a few seconds later, she snapped back to herself, with a worried look on her face.

“Something is wrong in the Gunwale, they need me to-” but she was cut off before she could finish explaining.

“I know, I know, it’s so important and you have to leave right now,” interrupted Amber in a sarcastic voice.

“Amber, don’t do this again,” said Kodira tiredly as she got up and started unbraiding her hair so she could brush it before leaving.

“If I remember right, you’re the one doing this again, Kodira. It was the same thing a year ago, and I know you’re a ballaster, I’m still so proud of you for that but…no, no, just go. You go do what you have to do, but I’m not gonna be here when you come back.” Kodira turned to look at Amber with tears in her eyes and Amber returned her gaze, unbreaking, perfectly steady and emotionless until Kodira had to look away. She sat down to rebraid her hair, trying not to cry, and when she got up to say goodbye to Amber before she left, she was already gone. If not for the empty glass of wine still sitting out, it wouldn’t have seemed like there had been anyone over at all that night. Kodira dried her eyes and slipped on her coat. This damn job was not worth it sometimes, but it was all she had, and she was good at it, so she kept doing it. Hell, it was what she had left Amber for in the first place, so this was nothing new. Sunk cost and all that. With that, the ballaster of defense headed out once again to protect the city, with her own heart and the heart of her best friend left behind.

Amber loved Kodira, but she also hated her sometimes, in moments like this. She felt selfish, but it hurt that they couldn’t have one night together in exchange for a year apart. Nobody else saw in Amber what Kodira did, she treasured those moments where she got to be more than just someone who killed sharks. But in the end, she was a finner (and now the captain of a crew working for the Brokerage) and Kodira was a ballaster, and realistically nothing was going to change that. They had both made their choices a long time ago. Day to day, she didn’t always think about it much, but it popped up sometimes, and there were moments like now where it was overwhelming. By now, Amber was back at the Coriolis, she only quickly popped inside to grab a beer, and brought it back out to the dock, where she sat cross legged and looked out at the dark water. Even after so many years, it still felt like there should be stars at night when it was like this, but of course there weren’t. Amber slowly drank her beer and found herself wishing that Kodira slept well when she got back home.

#message from mirph #mirph's manuscripts #oksamber #the adventure zone #taz fanfic #fanfic #wlw ship #taz ethersea #amber gris #taz kodira #taz oksana

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