#zkdd2020 day 6

[clandestinemeetingsinthetrees]

You Looked Lonely

Summary:  Zuko's up late, frustrated that the gang didn't tell him they were planning to fight the Firelord after the comet. Katara finds him in the kitchen and tries to reassure him. "I didn’t want to leave you out here alone, you looked lonely.” Written for @zkdrabbledecember day 6

Can also be read on AO3

Katara had always been a worrier, that’s just what happens when you learn to the true realities of death at such a young age, you become paranoid you’ll lose everyone else you love, but now the worrying had become all consuming. The Firelord was going to wipe out the entire Earth Kingdom in just three days’ time, and they were no where near prepared.

She couldn’t sleep. Why hadn’t they just told Zuko about the plan to fight the Firelord after the comet? At the time it made sense, Aang knew he would get mad and want to act sooner and she knew how poorly Aang reacted under stress. All they wanted to do was give him some more time. How could anyone have predicted this?

She gave up on sleep for the night, they needed to pack anyways. No harm in getting a head start. They’d been at Ember Island for weeks now and with that comes the accumulation of stuff. She much preferred staying in one place than the constant traveling they’ve endured for most of the past year, and this house would be especially hard to leave. It was probably the safest place they’d found yet. They hadn’t even been attacked once. Leaving here meant giving up safety and entering a battle she wasn’t quite sure they could win…

But she couldn’t think about that now, she had to keep it together, for Aang.

She pulled herself out of bed and headed to the kitchen. Stocking up on food and water was important, once they left Ember Island, it was imperative that no one saw them coming and that meant no more trips to the market. When she got there though, she didn’t expect to see Zuko, sulking at the table with a cup of tea.

“What are you doing up?” she asked.

He sharply looked up and almost spilled his tea.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” she continued. “I thought no one else would be up, figured I’d get a head start on packing up the kitchen.”

“No, it’s fine, I’ll get out of your way.” He got up to leave but she grabbed his arm.

“Wait, I could lose some help, if you want.” He just looked so lonely. She didn’t want to leave him.

“Okay.” He looked sullen. Something was obvious up with him. For one, he never stayed up this late. He was always in bed right after dinner. Also, he hadn’t been this short with her in a long time. Just when she felt like she was starting to understand him, he hits her with another curveball.

They started packing pots and rice rations in complete silence, it was a bit unnerving.

She couldn’t take it anymore. “Zuko, are you mad at me or something?”

He didn’t speak, he just kept sorting their supplies not even looking at her.

“Oh okay, so you’re really not going to talk to me.”

He dropped the bag of rice he was holding and turned sharply towards her. She could see the fire flare in his eyes. “I’m sorry if I’m a little ticked off that everyone changed the plans, and no one bothered to tell me! Especially when those plans will determine the fate of the world!”

Oh… so he was mad about that.

She knew she should say something. It wasn’t fair of them to exclude Zuko and especially wrong of them to not even tell him after. He had seemed so fine that whole day though. Maybe a bit mad at first, but she thought he had gotten over it quickly.

“I’m sorry, that was harsh.” His words brought her back from her thoughts. “I know it doesn’t matter now, but I just wanted to sit here and be mad for a bit. I didn’t ask you spend time with me.”

“Well, if you wanted to be alone you could’ve just said something,” she shot back, a bit colder than she had intended to. “I can pack by myself.” Just what I get for trying to be kind.

He mumbled something back as he walked away.

“What did you say?”

He turned back, “I just felt bad. I didn’t want to seem mad cause it was kind of my fault for not telling you about the Fatherlord’s plan. And then I wanted to be mad, but you seemed so upset, and then Aang yelled at you and ran off and, well, I didn’t want to leave you out here alone, you looked lonely.”

She smiled, “I could say the same thing about you.”

He sat back down at the table. “I just, I don’t understand why you guys didn’t tell me. I thought I was finally becoming a member of the group. I haven’t really had many friends in the past, so this is new to me. At first, I tried to just tell myself that maybe you guys have been planning this for a while, maybe since the invasion, but Suki knew! Suki’s been here less time than me!”

“I’m sorry Zuko. It wasn’t my idea to not tell you if it makes you feel any better.”

“Thanks, it doesn’t” It was a rude thing to say, but at least it was honest.

“We—well, Aang—was just worried how you’d react and after the play he was naturally, concerned. It was late, you were asleep already and he told me he didn’t feel ready and then Sokka agreed. With firebending being so powerful during the comet, we thought it’d be smarter to attack at a time when Aang would be able to rely on his other elements more. It wasn’t pers—”

“So, do you guys regularly all get together once I’m asleep and insult my teaching methods?”

“Zuko,” she put her hand on his shoulder and he leaned into her. He felt so tense. “You’re an amazing teacher. Aang’s improvement over the last month has been incredible. I think he’s progressed almost as fast as he did with waterbending. It’s not your fault that he’s not prepared, you just haven’t had enough time.”

“Thanks,” he shrugged her off, “that makes me feel like slightly less of a failure.”

“I mean it.”

“My whole life, I’ve never been enough. I’m used to it. I was just hoping I could do right by Aang.”

“You have. We weren’t trying to exclude you. Aang was supposed to tell you. Zuko, you’re a part of this group now, whether you like it or not. I promise from now on I’ll personally make sure you’re up to date on all group decisions.”

He smiled. “Wait, I don’t know if I want that. You’ll start telling me too much, next thing I know I’ll be getting updates on all of Aang’s nightmares and Sokka’s bathroom breaks.”

“Oh stop,” she laughed, shoving him playfully. “I am not that nosy!”

“Oh yes you are!” He shoved her back. Katara, way too stubborn to let him win and much too tired to worry about impropriety, tackled him to the floor. Now it was a battle, and she was desperate to win. He pushed her off of him, but she was surprisingly strong for her size. She pushed him back against the table and he threw his arms up to catch himself, spilling an open bag of rice everywhere.

Here they were. Two sleep deprived teenagers preparing to face the biggest fight of there lives, tangled together on the kitchen floor covered in rice and laughing. It felt both like the most normal thing they’ve ever done and also the craziest.

Katara let herself take in the feeling, his breath on her neck the closeness of their bodies. If she had been a little less tired, she might have questioned why just being this close to him felt so exhilarating. But she wasn’t. So, she untangled herself from him and got to her feet with blissful ignorance.

“Sorry about the rice,” he said, “I’ll clean it up.”

“No, it was my fault. I got a little carried away.” She helped him off the floor.

“I think we both did. You should probably get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow. I can clean up the rice.”

As much as she wanted to protest, she could feel sleep calling to her.

“Okay, good night Zuko.”

“Good night Katara. See you in the morning.”

She walked back upstairs, and she almost considered checking in on Aang. The last time they had talked, he had gotten so upset. She wanted to apologize.

But it was late, and she was tired, and he was probably asleep anyways. So, she passed his room.

Later, as she rode into the setting sun to face Azula, unsure if Aang would even return, she’d regret it.