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fucking-zawa-sensei · 7 years ago

Note

hey i know youre busy and that you want to focus on dont kid yourself and you have other request so i know youll take your time to get to this, but for the fic request could you do some dad mic and dadzawa adopting eri?

Title: Not Without Trying, Chapter 1 of (3?)

Pairing: Erasermic – Shouta Aizawa|Eraserhead/Hizashi Yamada|Present Mic

Rating: T for Swearing

Categories: established relationship, adoption, angst, comfort, new parents, dadzawa, dadzashi, parenting

Word Count: 7,000+

Notes: I am terribly sorry this took nearly a month for me to get to. I hope it was worth the wait! I feel like you wanted a fluffy, feel good fic, but I ended up throwing a whole damn plot at this thing and now I’m writing a three chapter fic. This chapter is angst heavy, but don’t worry, they’ll adopt Eri and it will all be cute in the end! Typical me, huh? I have to turn everything into angst.

This chapter doesn’t have much Dadzawa in it, but it will come next chapter!

Don’t read this if you aren’t past the Overhaul arc in the manga.

This is slightly canon divergent in that Eri is in the hospital for longer than is implied in the manga, and moreover, while the manga has essentially ridden Eri quirkless for the foreseeable future, she has some ability to use her powers within this fic. Albeit, those abilities are very minimal, as I am sticking to the whole, “her horn is small and she used up all her energy” part of the manga story line.

Read it on Ao3 here

Not Without Trying: Chapter 1

Yamada had become familiar with the walk toEri’s hospital room over the past couple of weeks. There was the slightlyskewed pastel painting of a seashell on the shore, hanging from a nail in thewall right before the turn down the pediatric wing. Then he’d pass twelvedifferent doors with little cut out paper patterns scrawled with children’s’names taped to them.

Then he’d make a left down another hall and he’dbe on his way to Eri’s room, far back, tucked at the end, mostly empty exceptfor her.

Just in case, they’d said.

Yamada could navigate it almost as well as hisand Aizawa’s house by now. Lately, to him, the hospital more or less felt like home.This was where he’d spend most of his nights, tucked into the side of a chair,grade book open in his lap, talking with his husband when he had the chance.

Tonight is no different. He stops outside Eri’sroom, a plastic bag full of takeout held in one hand, and gently knocks on thesliding door. It rattles a bit in the track. He hears some soft mumbling andthen Aizawa’s voice, saying, “Come in.”

Yamada pushes open the door and gives them botha smile. This late into the night, Aizawa and Eri are usually done with testingand quirk control exercises. Aizawa had decided to stay late one night, withthe doctors’ permission, after Eri had a particularly trying time with thetests and was becoming closed off. He’d texted Yamada, asking him if he wouldmind eating dinner at the hospital, and Yamada had responded by bringing someleftovers from a dinner they’d made together earlier in the week. Eri had beenshy at first, but opened up after some jokes and good food.

They’d kept up the routine ever since. Aizawaspent many days of the week hanging back as the doctors did their tests,wanting him there for a sense of security, just in case she regained enoughstrength to potentially have another incident. Occasionally, they’d try to runthrough exercises with her, in attempt to teach her to control her abilities,by having Aizawa keep her quirk in check while she did so. Those kinds of daysoften exhausted the both of them.

Yamada was always there with a bag of hot food,a smile, and a plethora of stories to pick them up. It’s the least he can do.He wants to support his husband, and he wants Eri to feel secure and remindedthat there exist people who care about her for more than her quirk.

He sets the bag of food down on the hospitaltable at the foot of Eri’s bed. The girl has her blankets piled in her lap andis sitting up at the head of the bed, watching him. Aizawa is hunched over in achair to her right, he doesn’t seem particularly upset, but his eyes are redderthan usual, the bags below them a little darker, a little larger.

Ah, one of those days, then, Yamada thinks.

Yamada pulls out the boxes of take out and setsthem on the rolling plastic table. He pops the lid on the first container andit releases a puff of steam. Aizawa’s head tilts up and he turns to look atYamada. He gives Aizawa a private smile and a little nod before opening upanother container.

The room starts smelling a bit less like staleair and a bit more like home.

“Eri-chan,” Yamada says, cheerily. She looks upat him. “What would you like to eat?”

–

They’re mostly done with dinner by the timeEri’s caseworker gently knocks against the door. This, too, had become routine.She stopped by every morning and night to check on Eri’s progress and how thegirl was handling everything emotionally. She was a kind woman, who Yamada andAizawa had grown accustomed to. Sometimes, if Yamada had brought a smalldessert, she’d stay to eat with them after finishing her daily report. They’dexchange small talk and complain about silly things like why nobody had figuredout how to make the material of a jacket not get caught in a zipper yet.

Tonight, Yamada hadn’t brought any dessertalong. Aizawa is stacking the takeout containers neatly together and puttingthem in the recycling and trash in the corner of the room. The caseworker,Nakano Megumi, walks through the open door, Eri’s files held to her chest, andgives a welcoming nod to Aizawa. She passes him by and walks over to the bed,where Yamada is helping Eri fold the paper takeout menu the restaurant had putinto their bag into a small pinwheel.

Yamada looks up and gives Nakano a smile, whichshe returns warmly, before pulling up a seat on the other side of Eri’s bed,leaving the one next to Yamada open for Aizawa. Yamada presses his finger downon the corner of the menu and smoothes out a fold. Nakano places her clipboardand Eri’s file atop the mattress, leaning forward to rest her arms on the bed.Yamada likes how comfortable and relaxed Nakano is, never intruding on Eri’sspace, and never acting too serious, despite sometimes talking about veryserious things. She was professional, but gentle. She made Yamada feel calm,which is why he has finally gotten up the nerve to ask her about Eri’ssituation beyond the hospital.

Aizawa and he had discussed it a number oftimes, or, at least, Yamada had tried to discuss it. Aizawa clearly cared aboutEri, Yamada did too. On the days Aizawa came home early from the hospital,Yamada was a little sad he didn’t have to get extra food for one more mouth. Heliked showing Eri how to do origami, or playing shiritori with her. When he hada lot of grading to do and was too busy to play games, he’d look up from hiswork and see Aizawa smiling as he talked to Eri or listened to what she had tosay.

The first few days after awakening, Eri was veryquiet and withdrawn. Aizawa had expressed his frustrations to Yamada,collapsing into bed, scrubbing his hands over his tired eyes, and cursing thevillains who made her so scared. It was upsetting, seeing her unable to smileand enjoy the kind gestures people tried to show her. In her world, kindnesscame with a catch.

They were slowly trying to undo that way ofthinking.

Eri still wasn’t particularly communicative withstrangers, but she’d started talking to Yamada and Aizawa much more. Aizawa wasa constant in her days and nights now. Yamada knew part of her fondness of himsprouted from his presence during her control training, knowing that he wouldstop her from hurting anyone. On a base level, that thinking was alsodestructive, since they were trying to stop her from seeing herself only as abringer of harm, but it was better than believing no one was there for her atall.

Aizawa walks back over from the trash can, droppinginto the chair beside Yamada. He shifts in his seat and Yamada has known himlong enough to see what’s coming next. Yamada scoots a bit closer to the edgeof his own seat so Aizawa can lean his head over onto his husband’s shoulder.Yamada presses his lips to the top of Aizawa’s hair for a second beforereaching his arm around Aizawa’s back to bring him closer. It’s a little hard,since the hospital chairs have arms on them, but it’s alright, they’ve figuredout how to navigate the barriers by now.

Nakano smiles brightly at their embrace, beforeshooting Aizawa a brief look of sympathy. She turns toward Eri, who is lookingdown at her paper pinwheel and paying them no mind.

“That looks cool!” Nakano says, getting Eri’sattention. “Did you make that?”

Eri lifts her head slowly and then looks atYamada. He nods his head encouragingly.

“Yamada-san helped me make it…” Eri responds, hervoice quiet.

“Did he?” Nakano asks, looking at Yamada. “Youknow what might be nice? Adding a little color! Would you like to color it?”she asks Eri.

Eri turns toward Yamada, but he notices her eyesare focused on Yamada’s shoulder, where Aizawa’s head is nestled. Yamada canfeel Aizawa’s slow, steady breaths rising and falling under where his hand isplaced on Aizawa’s side. He doesn’t have to look down to know he’ll see hishusband’s eyes closed.

“That sounds like a fun idea!” Yamada agreeswith Nakano, trying to keep his voice quiet, but still energetic. “I bet wecould convince the doctor to let us use one of those tongue depressors as astick for it, too.”

“Okay,” Eri says, focused on him now.

Nakano shifts in her seat and Yamada looks over.She bends down to sift through her bag, pulling out a Ziploc bag full ofcrayons. She sets the bag by Eri.

“Here, you can use these,” Nakano says.

Eri tentatively takes a green crayon from thebag and props the pinwheel on her knee. Yamada realizes she’s trying to giveherself a hard surface to color on and quickly lurches forward to pull thetable they’d had their food on closer to Eri. The movement knocks Aizawa offhis shoulder, and out of the corner of his eye he sees his husband quickly grabthe bed railing for support as he falls forward.

“Sorry,” Yamada says over his shoulder, his tonequiet and a little teasing. He wheels the table in front of Eri. “Here, you candraw on this. It will be easier.”

The table is a little high, so she shifts to siton her knees, but follows his instructions and starts coloring in one of thepanels of the pinwheel. Yamada sits back down in his seat and gives Aizawa asmile, the other man rubbing at his eye and giving Yamada a halfhearted glare.

“Love you too, babe,” Yamada whispers, leaninginto Aizawa’s space.

“Mhm, sure you do,” Aizawa responds, droppinghis hand back down to his lap. He looks to Nakano and says, “Sorry, I didn’tmean to fall asleep.”

“It’s alright!” Nakano says, waving Aizawa off.“This is exhausting work.”

Nakano redirects her gaze to Eri.

“It’s nice to take breaks,” she says, liftingthe bag of crayons off the bed and putting them on the table. “Right?”

Eri looks at her and nods, then grabs an orangecrayon from the bag, using it to add swirls to the panel she’d colored green.

“How are you feeling after today, Eri?”

Yamada didn’t like this part of the questions.Nakano is nice and Eri gets along with her fairly well, and he knew that Nakanohad to track Eri’s emotional state and blah, blah, blah, but it was alwaysawkward and tense. It was clear Eri never wanted to answer, and even clearerthat she would never tell the truth.

“Fine,” Eri says, drawing a circle.

Yamada looks to Aizawa, who is also watching Eridraw with a slight frown on his face. His tired eyes dart over to meet Yamada’sfor a second before sliding back to Eri. Yamada reaches down and pats Aizawa’sknee.

“What did you do today?” Nakano asks.

“Tests,” Eri responds.

“How do you feel they went?”

For as much as he didn’t like it, Nakano didhave a good way of wording things. Rather than asking Eri if she progressed inher training or what the results of her tests were, she structured thequestions around Eri’s view of the events of the day. Did Eri feel things wentwell? Did she feel they went badly? How can they work to do better?

“Umm…” Eri says, pausing her coloring to look upat the ceiling, then back to Nakano. “Okay?”

Nakano nods, not asking for clarification. Sheleans forward a bit, crossing her legs.

“Can you tell me something you did today thatmade you feel good?”

Eri looks down at the pinwheel, then at Yamada.He can feel his eyes get wide and he wishes he were better at hiding his shock.

“I liked making this,” Eri says, picking up thepinwheel. “I like making things.”

“That’s good!” Nakano says. “Maybe Yamada canshow you how to make more things? I have an origami book at my office forchildren. I think you might like it.”

Eri’s posture straightens up a bit at her words,obviously interested in the idea of learning to make more patterns out ofpaper.

“Okay!” she says, her voice excited, thendropping back down to her usual quiet volume. “Please?”

“I’ll bring it with me next time,” Nakanopromises, scribbling what Yamada assumes is a reminder in her notepad.

Then again, it might be a note about how Eri hadshown genuine excitement about something, but then immediately defaulted toasking permission in a more tentative voice.

Baby steps, that was what Aizawa always said.

Any progress is progress.

When Nakano is finished writing she looks backat Eri, saying, “What about the things you did with the doctors today? Can youtell me more about that?”

Eri frowns.

Yamada looks over at Aizawa, but he’s staringdown at his boots with his arms crossed.

“Not really…” Eri says.

Nakano looks at Yamada and he shrugs. They madea habit of not discussing Eri’s tests and exercises at the dinners they shared.Her gaze shifts to Aizawa, but he’s distinctly paying none of them any mind.

For a second, Yamada thinks Nakano mightactually ask Aizawa how the tests went, but that’s not her job and it’s notAizawa’s responsibility to answer. She seems to think better of it and focusesback on Eri, who is sifting through the bag of crayons.

Obviously, it had not been a good day.

“You said that it went ‘okay,’ that means itwasn’t all bad, right?” Nakano asks.

“Yeah,” Eri agrees.

“So what went well? What did you think that youdid okay at today?”

“I didn’t hurt anybody.”

Yamada’s mouth opens against his will, but hemanages to not actually let out any noise. Aizawa flinches beside him.

“You don’t have to worry about hurting peopleanymore,” Aizawa says, his voice stern, but gentle.

Eri’s focus zeroes in on him immediately andYamada is reminded again how his presence is her safety net.

Aizawa and Eri stare at each other for a fewseconds before Nakano cuts in.

“Aizawa is right, Eri. You are safe here, and wewill make sure your quirk does not affect anyone else. We’ve taken measure tomake sure that nothing goes wrong. You can relax,” Nakano says. As if to proveher point, she reaches forward and lays her hand on Eri’s forearm, giving it asmall squeeze. Eri recoils a bit a first, but then relaxes when she realizesher quirk is not active and Nakano is not a threat.

“Okay…” Eri says quietly.

Nakano pats her arm once before removing herhand.

Yamada looks back at Aizawa, wondering whatexactly did happen today that has them both in such a bad mood. He’d assumed itwas just another day of quirk training and they were both tired, but by Eri’sreaction it seemed to be more than that. Had she almost slipped up? Did Aizawahave to step in?

These were questions for later, though, inprivate.

He didn’t want to ask things like that in frontof Eri when they were trying so hard to rebuild her confidence and trust.

Nakano looks at her watch for a second and thenwrites something down in her notes again.

“It’s getting pretty late. How about I let youkeep those crayons so you can finish your pinwheel and we’ll talk moretomorrow?”

“I’d like that,” Eri says.

“Okay!” Nakano says happily, closing her folder.“I hope that you will have a good day tomorrow, Eri, but don’t forget that it’salright to have bad days as well. We all do,” she says, looking at Yamada andthen Aizawa.

“Having a bad day does not make you a badperson,” Nakano finishes, turning back to smile at Eri, who is looking at herwith wide eyes. Eri nods when she’s finished talking and Nakano excusesherself, waving goodbye as she steps out of the room.

Yamada waits a few minutes after the caseworkerleaves the room before he makes a move to get up, telling Aizawa and Eri thathe’s going to get some coffee from the machine in the hall. Aizawa declines hisoffer to pick him up a cup as well, saying he needs to get some sleep tonightwhen they get home. Yamada frowns a bit at that. Part of him wants to convinceAizawa they should just head back now, then, if he’s so tired, but he knowsAizawa will politely decline.

They never leave until Eri is ready for them to.

Yamada asks Eri if she wants anything from thevending machines and is a little surprised when she quietly asks that if theyhave any cookies, will he split them with her. Yamada excitedly agrees, happyshe shares his sweet tooth and even happier that she’s starting to ask forthings she wants.

Now, he has two missions:

Talk to the caseworker.

Get those cookies.

When he makes it outside the door, he’s a littlesurprised to see Nakano hasn’t actually made it very far. She’s sitting in oneof the chairs that line the hallway, making a few notes in Eri’s file. Shelooks up when Yamada approaches, her short black hair has a bit of fringe inthe front and it falls in front of her eyes. She closes the folder on her lapand stands up, running her hand through her bangs to push them out of the way.

“Hey, Yamada,” she greets him. “What can I dofor you?”

Yamada bites the inside of his lip a bit, tryingto figure out how best to word his question. Nakano tilts her head, lookingconfused. She breaks eye contact to readjust the papers in her arms, openingthe folder a smidge to straighten some pages that had been sticking out of thetop. Not looking her in the eyes helps Yamada gather his nerves.

“So, uh…” Yamada says, rubbing the back of hisneck. “What’s the plan for Eri?”

“Plan?” Nakano asks, looking up from her folderof papers.

“Yeah, I mean, after she gets out of here. Whatis the plan? Who will take care of her?”

Nakano frowns, shifting her weight to her otherfoot.

“There really isn’t one at this point. Herfather is dead, her mother abandoned her, and her grandfather is deathly ill,and moreover, affiliated with a villainous organization. You know all of that,already,” she says. Yamada nods. Nakano sighs and the breath she let loose isheavy between them.

“I suppose she’d have to be sent to an adoptioncenter. With her quirk, though…” she trails off, looking back toward the shutdoor of Eri’s room. Yamada turns behind him to look at the same door. Feelingthat they’re a bit too close for comfort, he gently guides Nakano a littlefurther down the hall so they can talk in more secure privacy. He might nothave the best hearing, but Aizawa sure as hell did.

“With her quirk, there’s no way she’d beadopted?” Yamada asks, picking the conversation back up.

The casework shakes her head.

“With her quirk, should we make no progresshere, she can’t be sent to live with other children. She can’t be sent to livewith anyone. There’s just too much risk. Maybe Eri could learn to keep herdistance, but what about others? Children are these balls of energy, they’rephysical…if Eri has a bad day…if something sets her off and some kids triesto comfort her with a hug…” Nakano shakes her head. She’s looking off into thedistance, over Yamada’s shoulder. He doesn’t want to think about those thingseither, but she’s right. It’s definitely a concern.

It’s a very big concern.

“I highlydoubt she’d last long in a foster home, should anyone even agree to it. We’rerequired to tell parents about the children’s quirks,” Nakano reminds him.

“What if,” Yamada starts, and then continues. “Whatif…what if she didn’t have to have full control?”

The Nakano looks back to him, tilting her head abit in question. Yamada takes this as an invitation to continue.

“What if…if Shouta and I…” Yamada pauses tocollect his thoughts. Looking down, he says, “With his quirk, he can help her.He can be around her without worrying about the consequences.”

“Can he?” Nakano asks, skeptically. “There arestill consequences. His quirk can’t be active all the time. He can’t beconstantly watching her. What kind of life is that, for either of them? Eriis…Eri is a wonderful girl and I know that we all want to help her very much,but frankly, she is a danger to every living thing around her. She can’t benear people. I know you and Aizawa want to help her, I know that Aizawa’s workwith her has been helping her, but hecan’t dedicate every hour of the day to being by her side. He can’t have hisquirk active all the time. As she gets stronger, that risk will grow. No poweris infinite, Yamada. If he slips up and she overpowers him…”

Yamada shakes his head and waves his hands alittle, signaling that she should stop. He didn’t want to think about that.

The caseworker shrugs her shoulders heavily, Eri’sweighty folder moving with the rise and fall.

“Yes, of course, you two adopting her would bean ideal situation. Not only are you more than capable of protecting her andyourselves, but she trusts you both and you get along well. That being said, asher caseworker, in her current condition, I cannot comfortably adopt her to anyparents, pro heroes or not.”

She places her hand on Yamada’s arm, squeezingit a bit so he looks at her. She smiles.

“Things might change, though. She can getbetter. She might learn to control her quirk. That’s certainly a possibility.We need to encourage her to train both her mind and body. It’s a lot to ask ofa young child, but I think Eri can do it. I believe in her, you should too,”Nakano says.

Yamada quickly nods along with her words. Ofcourse he believed in Eri, of course he knew she was strong. Of course he’dencourage her.

“I am happy to hear that she has prospectiveparents. It is always good to know someone cares about the children I am tryingto help, and that there is hope for them, but it is my job to protect her firstand foremost. Eri has…seen far too much for a child. She has been conditionedto believe her powers are nothing but a curse, and that she is incapable ofdoing anything except hurt people. We don’t want to prove her right. Youunderstand?” she asks. Yamada nods again in response. “If her conditionchanges, we can consider it. For now, let’s put this conversation on pause.”

Yamada does his best to smile at Nakano. Heknows she’s right, but it still hurts to hear the definitive no hangingin the air.

Mission one, failed.

He says goodnight to Nakano and goes on the huntfor his coffee and Eri’s cookies, trying not to think about the possibility ofEri never getting better, and instead focusing on which cookie she might likebest.

It’s pretty late now, around 8 o’clock, andvisiting hours are over, so there’s no line for the machines. The doctors hadbeen very accommodating to Eri’s situation, everyone having taken quite aliking to her, so they never pushed Aizawa and Yamada to leave at the normaltime.

Yamada decides to get the cookies beforestarting the coffee machine, walking up in front of the glass and scanning therows of snacks for something sweet. About halfway down, he reaches the dessertsection. There are little boxes of strawberry Pocky and chocolate Pucca. Hiseyes tick over the boxes and bags until they land on a package of minichocolate chip cookies.

“Perfect!” Yamada exclaims in English. He pullshis wallet out of his back pocket and fishes out the right amount of money forone bag. It takes him a few tries, and having to straighten out the slightlycrumpled yen, but the machine takes his money eventually. He presses thebuttons for the cookies and watches the small plastic doors release the treats.

Except, they don’t come falling down the waythey’re supposed to.

Rather, they wedge themselves against the glass,half of the package caught by the closing doors.

“Nooooo,” Yamada whines, pressing his hands upagainst the glass front of the vending machine. “No, no, no. Come on!”

Yamada hits the glass with his palm, but thecookies don’t budge. He grumbles nonsense, thankful no one is around to see himfighting with a metal box, and pulls more money out of his wallet. He pressesthe buttons with a bit more force this time, foot tapping as he waits for themachine to rev up, mechanics moving, and release another packet of cookies.

Aizawa won’t eat them, but they’ll still besealed, so Yamada figures he can bring them by another day to share with Eriagain.

Too bad the second pouch of cookies somehowimpossibly smacks the first bag down a little bit, but manages to get both bagssquished in an awkward position between the glass and more snacks on the lowerlevels.

Yamada spends a few seconds staring at the twobags, mouth slack and hanging open, eyebrows inching higher and higher thelonger he looks.

“Are…you…kidding…me?”

He throws his hands up, balled into fists, andhits the machine again.

Nothing happens.

“Come on! No!” Yamada begs. “No, just give methe cookies!”

He hits the glass again, but this time with abit less energy.

“No…” Yamada says, voice getting softer.

He uncurls his hands, laying his palms flatagainst the window. He leans his head forward until his forehead is pressedagainst it too.

“Can’t I just have this one thing?” Yamada asksquietly.

Sighing, he turns around, presses his backagainst the glass front of the busted machine, and slowly slides down it untilhis butt hits the floor. He pulls his knees up to his chest and wraps his armsaround them.

Everything Nakano had said made sense.

All of it made perfect sense.

She was right.

She was right, which was exactly why it all feltso wrong.

It was why it was so hard to accept.

Yamada knew when he’d left the house that nightplanning to have this conversation, that there was no way Nakano was going tosay, sure, and hand over the adoptionpapers just like that. He knew there would be weeks, maybe months, of waitingbefore Eri would be ready to go anywhere.

Nakano had said there was hope. She’d said toput a pause on the conversation, as in they could pick it up later, when thingsgot better, when Eri was in control. Yamada knows these are the things heshould be focusing on.

Except she’d also said that with Eri’s quirk,she couldn’t safely be sent to live with anyone and this was the only sentencethat was running through his head on repeat.

Yamada and Aizawa were included in thatstatement.

He pulls his legs up tighter and rests his chin againsthis knees. It’s hard to breathe like this, but he doesn’t care. Thinking feelsa little bit easier like this.

Somewhere along the lines, it had happened.Maybe it was while watching Aizawa tuck strands of her long hair behind herear, or when Yamada taught her how to do a braid. It could have been whenAizawa fell asleep on the hospital chair holding her hand in one of his andYamada’s hand in his other. Equally as likely, was when Yamada sang littlelullabies to the both of them.

Whatever it was, somewhere along the lines ithad happened.

It had only been a few weeks, but it hadhappened.

Yamada wanted this more than he could everadmit.

He’d written it off long ago, not having thetime or right mindset, believing he wasn’t really equipped for the job nomatter how much he loved helping little kids. Aizawa and he were far too busywith work and, in his mind, had seen far too much fucked up shit to ever begood enough for it, so…he hadn’t considered this role.

Until now.

Until he was told he couldn’t have it, thisthing he wanted.

Yamada bites his lip and wills his eyes to notwater.

He wanted to be a dad.

Yamada groans and throws his head back infrustration, forgetting the vending machine is right there, and smackingagainst it. He reaches up to rub the back of his now aching head at the sametime as he hears rustling and then two distinct thuds behind him.

He turns around a bit and looks up to where thecookie bags had been pressed against the glass, but they’re now missing. Yamadashifts so he can stuff his hand under the flap and lets out a shocked laughwhen he pulls the cookies out.

“Wow,” Yamada laughs. “Wow, okay. What is this?”he asks looking up, holding the bag of cookies above his head like the flimsydrop ceiling is the amalgamation of all the karmic forces in the world. “Isthis a lesson? Good things come to those who wait?”

He lowers the cookies back down slowly, droppingthem on the floor beside his hip.

“No,” he says, closing his eyes, thinking abouthow his head hitting the machine had caused the treats to fall. He made ithappen. His actions brought about the results. “Maybe it’s something more like,you can’t get what you want without trying?” he asks, looking back up at theceiling, then back down to the cookies by his hip. “Not without trying…”

—

Yamada walks back into Eri’s room and seesAizawa is already snoozing in his chair, head falling forward, his chinpractically touching his chest. If he hadn’t left his capture weapon at home,his face would probably be buried in it.

Yamada smiles down at his husband as heapproaches the bed, shaking the two bags of cookies to show his prize to Eri,whose eyes get pretty darn big at the sight of the second bag.

“Wow!” she says. “That’s a lot!”

“Yeah, I accidentally got two,” Yamada laughs.Okay, so it wasn’t an accident per say, but he certainly hadn’t planned on itin the beginning. “I figured we can eat the second bag later in the week.”

Eri’s little pout at the news makes Yamadasmile. Pouting was good, children were supposed to pout. Children were supposedto want to eat two bags of cookies for dessert.

This was good.

This was progress.

Yamada walks quietly around Aizawa’s chair tothe seat next to him, brushing his fingers over the back of his husband’s neckon the way by. Aizawa shivers a tiny bit at the touch, but doesn’t stirfurther.

Taking his seat, Yamada nods his head towardAizawa, saying, “Looks like someone is done for the night, huh?”

Eri gives him a timid attempt at a smile.

It’s okay, he’ll take it.

It’s enough.

They’d learned to be very patient these past fewweeks. He supposes, now, that he should have applied those skills in hisconversation with Nakano.

Yamada scoots his chair a bit closer to the bedand tears open the cookie bag, offering one of the mini snacks to Eri. Shetakes the cookie from him and pops it into her mouth, closing her eyes to enjoythe sweet treat. A genuine smile blooms on her face.

“Is it good?” he asks, knowing the answer. Shenods happily.

“I’m glad,” Yamada says, getting a cookie fromthe bag for himself.

They eat in silence for a few minutes, just thehappy noise of crumbling hard cookies, the occasional crumple of the bag asanother hand dips inside it, and the small, soft snores of Aizawa filling thevoid of speech. It’s peaceful. Eri seems relaxed now that Nakano is gone and nodoctors have asked her how she’s feeling in a number of hours. Yamada wasbecoming rather good at telling when she was on guard. She’d often keep herlegs and arms tucked close to her body, her chin tilted down, and most of herhair falling over her shoulders. He’d often use his own long hair as a barrier,so she definitely wasn’t fooling him when she did the same.

Now, though, her hair was brushed over hershoulders, her head held higher, and her body turned mostly toward Yamada.

He hopes that the conversation he’s about tohave with her won’t ruin the tentatively relaxed atmosphere that has beencreated in the room.

When Eri finishes the cookie she’s munching on,he starts.

“Hey,” Yamada says. Eri looks at him, her bigred eyes questioning. “Can I ask you something?”

He immediately regrets his choice of words, asthe corners of Eri’s mouth droop down a fraction of an inch.

“It won’t be bad!” Yamada says, trying to stopthe shift in mood. “It’s just a couple of things I’m curious about…”

Eri doesn’t react.

“Uh…” Yamada rubs the back of his neck and looksover at Aizawa, who is still sleeping soundly in his chair. “Look…Eri…thisis whole situation is very difficult for you, and probably very confusing, andI’m sorry you have to go through so much. I’m sorry we keep asking you thingsyou don’t have the answers to. I’m sure you’re sick of the tests and questionsand this room…” Yamada trails off, gesturing to the too bright, white walls andtile and equipment. Eri’s eyes follow his hand, taking in her location as hespeaks.

“I’m sorry. I want this to end too. We all wantto help you, that’s why everyone is here, trying so hard,” he says. She nodsalong with him. This, he knows she’s aware of. She’d thanked everyone manytimes for helping her. She is not mean to anyone. She’s shown nothing butgratitude, but still, any kid had to be sick of being in the hospital.Although, compared to her previous situation, he supposes this would seem muchbetter.

“Eri,” Yamada starts again. “What do youwant…when you leave here? What would you like to happen? Where would you liketo go?”

Eri frowns, her eyebrows pulled together. She tiltsher head to the side before shaking it back and forth.

“You don’t understand?” he asks. Of course not,why would he expect her to? How was she supposed to answer something like that?She probably didn’t even know what kind of possibilities there were for her.

“You can’t go back to your grandpa,” Yamadasays. Eri’s eyes widen a little, but she doesn’t look too disappointed. He figuresshe’s probably well aware that wasn’t an option.

“Do you know what adoption means?” he asks. Erinods her head, but there’s some hesitation. He tries as best he can to explainit in simple terms. “Sometimes, when kids don’t have parents to take care ofthem, people will take them into their homes and be their new parents. Theylove them and raise them as if they were their kids.”

Ideally, anyway, he thinks, trying to shake off the image of Eri being passedbetween numerous foster homes.

Eri nods along.

“That’s probably what will happen with you,Eri.”

I hope that’s whathappenswith you, Eri.

Yamada watches Eri carefully, but she’s verygood at keeping a neutral expression, albeit, that neutral expression lookspretty small and scared most of the time. Now, though, she looks away from himand down to her hands, folded in her lap.

“If…” Yamada starts, but hesitates. He bites theinside of his lip and feels his leg muscles tightening up, itching to start hisnervous tapping tic, but tries to keep his foot from lifting off the ground.‘If’ wasn’t the right word. No, he needed to have confidence in this future ifhe wanted it to become real. He needed to have confidence in Eri’s abilities.“When you get your strength back and your quirk…when you can control yourpower…someday you’ll be able to leave the hospital.”

Eri looks up from her lap, turning to look athim. She doesn’t say anything, but her eyes are a little wider, a little morehopeful.

“When that happens,” he says. “You’ll be up foradoption. Nakano will make sure that a very nice family, who you approve of,will take care of you. They’ll be your parents. Eri…Eri I was wondering…”Yamada looks away now, over at Aizawa. “How would you feel if those people wereAizawa and I?”

He closes his eyes for a few seconds, beforeturning back to look at her, nervous for her reaction. It’s clearly anunnecessary feeling, however, as when he opens his eyes, he sees Eri, wideeyed, mouth open in shock, staring at him. She looks quickly to Aizawa, stillcompletely unaware, then back to him.

“Eri?” Yamada asks.

Eri pushes herself up onto her knees andshuffles across the bed toward him, sitting closer. She reaches out her handand grabs the sleeve of his jacket. He’s surprised how tight her grip is, thefabric bunching up around her fist.

“Yes,” Eri says. Her tone is strong, unwavering.“Yes, I…I…want that. I want that. I want to live with you and Aizawa-san.”Yamada feels the grin burst onto his face, not only does she want them to beher parents, but she’d expressed that she wanted something.

“Is that…is that okay?” Eri asks, her griploosening on his jacket. Yamada quickly places his hand over hers before shecan pull it away, retreating entirely. Her eyes snap up to his.

“Of course it’s okay,” he insists. “I wouldn’thave asked if I didn’t want to offer. Eri, please don’t think you’d be abother. Please don’t think that. We want to help you, we want you to be part ofour family. Shouta and I have been talking about this for a while now. You’re agood person, Eri. I know that the precepts told you things…made you thinkthat you could only hurt people, but they’re wrong. You’ve made Shouta and Ismile so much since being here. I’m always so happy to come eat dinner withboth of you, to make pinwheels and share cookies and play games. I would bevery happy to be your father, Eri.”

Eri’s other hand finds its way atop his, smalland gentle, shaking a bit. Her lower lip is trembling and her eyes are glossingover. Yamada isn’t surprised when she starts to cry. He pulls his hand out fromunder hers to open his arms up, offering her a hug if she wants it. She scootsforward again, holding her hands out toward his chest, and sometimes Yamadaforgets she’s so young, but with her hands reaching toward him, she looks somuch like a toddler asking for someone to pick them up.

He grabs her under arms and pulls her off thebed and into his lap, where she buries her face and hands in his shirt. Heholds her tight and smoothes her hair with his hand, rocking her a bit.

“I want that, too,” Eri says around herhiccuping sobs. “Me too…I want that too…I want to spend more time with youand Aizawa-san. I want…I want…somewhere to go to…not like with papa…”

“Okay,” Yamada says gently, rubbing her back.“Then I’ll do everything I can to make it happen. We’ll keep you safe, Eri. Itwill be okay.”

Yamada rocks her back and forth slowly in hischair for a while until she stops crying. Eventually, she falls asleep pressedinto his chest, her hands going slack and falling to her lap.

All he can think about is what if he’d justpromised something he can’t make good on?

As he lifts Eri up slowly, placing her back onthe hospital bed, and covering her with the sheets, he thinks about how muchmore this will all hurt if Aizawa and he really can’t adopt her. He tries topicture someone else cradling her in their arms, easing her pain, stopping hercries, and it hurts.

Last week, on a rare night when Aizawa and hewere both at their house for dinner, they’d talked about how they could maketheir study into a bedroom. Yamada had suggested moving the desk into thecorner of the living room, and Aizawa wondered if they could convert thebookcase into a headboard for a bed.

A place for Eri to put all her books, the onesthey’d read to her.

Yamada is too caught up in his own world tonotice when Aizawa rouses from his sleep. He’s surprised when he feels armswrap around his middle, and a warm body press into his side. Aizawa’s breathtickles his neck.

“Someone is frowning,” Aizawa says.

“Ah,” Yamada replies, but his tone is quiet andhe’s not putting the usual sarcasm behind it. “Who could that be?”

“Me, now,” Aizawa says, backing off, but Yamadacatches his arms before he can fully extract them. “What’s wrong?”

“I…” Yamada starts and then quickly stopshimself. He hadn’t told Aizawa he was going to ask Nakano about the adoptionpossibilities. He hadn’t planned on telling him, either. It seemed like such afar away idea. Aizawa had tabled the conversation earlier that week when Yamadahad suggested discussing things with Nakano.

Yamada hadn’t understood at the time why Aizawawouldn’t want to ask Nakano if he wanted to adopt Eri as much as Yamada did.

Now, though, he thinks he gets it.

Aizawa sees the things he doesn’t. He sees herwhen she loses control, when she doubts herself, and when the tests go wrong.He sees how far away the finish line is.

Maybe waiting made sense, but…

But Yamada had never been a particularly patientperson.

“I talked to Nakano,” Yamada says, turning inhis seat to face Aizawa. “I asked her about what will happen with Eri after sheis discharged.”

Aizawa glances at Eri’s sleeping form, then backto Yamada. He closes his eyes and sighs.

“And? What did she say?”

“What you thought she would,” Yamada admits. Hefeels the tightness in his chest constrict further.

“Hizashi…”

Yamada shakes his head.

“Hizashi, please,” Aizawa says, taking hishands. “We don’t know what will happen tomorrow let alone what will happenweeks from now. Don’t get discouraged. If things go well…we have a good shotat this.”

“And if they don’t go well?” Yamada asks, hisvoice a whisper.

Aizawa’s grip tightens around his hands.

“Then we do what we can,” Aizawa says. “Just likewe always do.”

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