#zevalistair

[darethshirl]

“My liege.” Zevran gave an exaggerated, theatrical bow, bending so low that a strand of his hair touched the floor. “Your humble servant greets you.”

“Alright,” Alistair laughed nervously. His crown—already the simplest design he could get away with without inciting a rebellion among the nobility—suddenly felt heavy. “Ha, alright, yes, you’ve had your fun. Now stop making things weird.”

Zevran’s laugh sounded a million times more natural that Alistair’s pitiful attempt, not that this was particularly hard to achieve. His eyes glittered as he rose from his bow, his smile roguish. “Weird? My dear friend, I’m simply treating you with the respect you deserve. You’re a king now! A changed man.”

“No, no, definitely not changed—I mean—I mean, it’s only been a few months! People don’t just change after a few months!” A sense of doubt started to spread sinister tendrils in his mind. “...Right?”

“Some things definitely do,” Zevran said with overstated authority, then pointed a dramatically accusing finger. “Like this!”

“Like what?” Alistair glanced down in pure confusion. “My chest?”

“Your shirt. You’re wearing silk. Embroidered silk at that. My dear Alistair,” Zevran chuckled, trying valiantly to keep a straight face, “you have a fashion sense now.”

“Oh! Well…” Alistair thought about mentioning that this was simply the first shirt he picked out, blindly, from his fully-stocked closet this the morning, then decided against it. “Yeah, I guess it’s nice. Feels better than sweat-soaked armor, that’s for sure.” He snorted, and wasn’t even that sarcastic when he added, “Lots of creature comforts like that, when you become a king. Perks of the job.”

Zevran hummed absentmindedly, then walked up to Alistair and slung a casual arm over his shoulders. “I miss this, you know. You, babbling incoherently. Me, dazzling everyone with my presence.” He sighed expansively, looking around at the palace gardens as if to enjoy the view—which was hard to imagine, considering it was late autumn and all the trees were dead. “The road just isn’t the same without you.”

“Yeah,” Alistair said quietly. There was a lump in his throat all of a sudden, a twinge in his chest. “Yeah.”

Zevran’s gaze turned kind. He gripped Alistair’s shoulder, a subtle but much-appreciated show of camaraderie. “And how are you doing? Truly.”

“I’m… okay.” Alistair took a fortifying breath, then squared his shoulders. “Truly. It’s an adjustment, sure, but… I’m learning. And I am making a difference,” he said, the confidence rising in his voice. “I’ll make sure of that.”

Zevran gave Alistair’s shoulder one last squeeze, the clapped his hands. “Well! Enough catching up. Now, what kind of entertainment do you have in store for your esteemed guest? And I’m warning you, I’m expecting the royal treatment.”

“I’m gonna regret inviting you, aren’t I?” Alistair sighed, but he knew he wasn’t fooling anyone. He smile was there for everyone to see, as bright as the sun.

[dovabunny]

Waiter: are you two a couple?

Alistair: no we-

Zevran: is there a discount?

Waiter: Yes, 10% off dessert

Alistair and Zevran in unison: yes, we are a couple.

[vallowart-blog]

more tags!!

@the-tevinter-biscuit again !!!! i’m gonna spam you folks with these tags that i’ve neglected doing until now because i’m a lazy piece of shit (sorry u gotta put up with me, charlie)

the ship tag!!!!!

First Ship you ever read fic for:

probably some warrior cats bullshit

First Ship you ever wrote fic for:

john egbert/david strider (back in the dark ages....)

Ship you write the most now:

fenhawke and adoribull : >

Ship you read the most now:

fenhawke and adoribull aGAIN

Newest Ship:

taako x kravits from the adventure zonnnee !!!

Rare Ship you wanna read more of:

merle highchurch x lucrieca from the adventure zone ! i think they’d be such a good pair for some reason.

Your taboo Ship:

uhhhh would dorian and bull be taboo? for their characters it sort of us but it’s a popular ship so... idk

They never met in canon Ship:

SEBASTIAN AND CASS @the-tevinter-biscuit and i came up with that one, and also I love the idea of Merrill and Solas SO MUCH. i could talk about that all god damn day.

Your unexpected ship:

Never thought I’d ship Sebastian with Cassandra Pentaghast but here I am

The ship you always forget to give love to:

isabela and merrill for sure

Ship your OC with a canon character (if applicable):

hmmmm probably jarvis tabris x zevran or morirkel cadash x iron bull. AND let’s not forget my very first, dahlia aeducan x alistair *heart eyes*

A ship you’re embarrassed to ship:

zevalistair. we have a love hate relationship.

Your most romantic Ship:

FENHAWKE

Your sexiest ship:

adoribull, probably, bc it’s sexual before it’s romantic where fenhawke is not

Your most tragic ship:

solas x merrill, esp in the drabble i have written for it

A ship you want more content for:

charlie said everything i would have said on this point

[ohsweetflips]

someone please talk about alistair and zevran with me

[dovabunny]

Something about Zevran and Alistair (Zevalistair, aka) just hits all my heart strings so right.

[dovabunny]

Fortune Favours the Brave and Stupid

Click link above to read on Ao3 or read below.

Relationship: Leliana/Cousland; Isabela/Merrill; Zevran/Alistair

Fandom: Dragon Age: Origins

Rating: General Audiences

Characters: Isabela; Merrill; Morrigan; Leliana; Aedan Cousland; Alistair Therin; Zevran Arainai

Tags: Alternative universe - Modern with magic; fortune-telling

Chapter: 1/1

Series: FicTober Ficlets

Summary: Aedan decides he needs to buy some divine intervention to convince Leliana they should be together. Only the outcomes are not at all what anyone expected.

FicTober prompt ( from @barbex ): “There they were, pursuing wisdom” (2017) and “Can you feel this?” (2018).

Dragon Age Inktober prompt (from Dankou): Warden

The result: this hot garbage.

 “So that’s when I said: can you feel th-”

 “-it coming in the air tonight?” Alistair lazily interjected through a mouth full of Cheetos not looking up from where he was focused on brutally annihilating Zev in Mario Kart with the intensity he’d only once before exhibited when he competed in that all you can eat ribs event where the prize was...more ribs.

 “-the love tonight?” Zevran purred casually, one arm draped over Alistair’s knee, his posture the exact opposite of his rigid, focused, cheeto-shovelling opponent. Zevran lifted his hand which Alistair high-fived, neither breaking their stride in game or taking their eyes off the screen.

 “I can not feel anything beyond the gnawing existential dread that plagues the existence of those of an intellect advanced enough to comprehend and question the great universal conundrums. ‘Tis a burden I bare gladly, as the alternative seems…” Morrigan gazes up from her tablet to lift an eyebrow at Zevran and Alistair. “...sweaty, stupid, and consisting entirely of a diet of artificial flavouring, colouring, and various dairy-based products.

 Aedan pinched his brow and took a slow measured breath, exhaling heavily out through his nose. “As.I.Was.Saying… I told her ‘can you feel this? There’s something between us here, something I don’t want to ignore anymore’.”

 “And, pray-tell,” Morrigan drawled, although Aedan knew her well enough by now to know this was her actually caring, “how did our resident chantry sister take such a romantically aggressive advance?”

 Aedan heard the sound of a muted beep from the TV and looked up to see two faces watching him from the couch, the game on pause.

 Aedan had never seen them pause during mario kart. He didn’t even know it was an option.

 Alistair was late to his own fucking graduation because they ‘had’ to finish their rematch after the two had a huge fight about who would win in a race where they also play chubby bunny with a pack of marshmallows that seemed to instigate the war.

 Zevran won. Alistar ran directly from the car, into the hall, and onto the stage, barely making it in time as they read his name.

 “She said,” Aedan sighed, “that she did feel it, but that that wasn’t enough. I don’t know, something about need a sign or something…”

 Morrigan scoffed. “If only your maker was as easily bribed as the chantry, we might’ve been able to arrange Andraste to come down and declare you two soulmates.”

 Alistair rolled his eyes, Zevran snickered, and Aedan - Aedan’s little symbolic lightbulb above his head went on with a lovely audible ‘ding!’.

 “Morrigan you GENIUS!”

 Alistair looked scared, Zevran looked amused, and Morrigan - Morrigan looked like she did that time she found out mayonnaise wasn’t vegetarian after years of eating it and calling herself a vegetarian.

 ~ ~ ~

 So here they were, pursuing wisdom...in dodgy little shop of a Rivaini seer.

 Said Rivaini was a beautiful, curvaceous, scantily-clad woman with caramel skin and eyes of molten gold. Her full black hair was swept back with a royal blue bandanna, and she all her bangles and necklaces chimed and jiggled as she moved. She greeted them with a sultry ‘hello sweet things’, but seemed startled when she saw Zevran, and gave him a knowing, polite smile and a wink.

 Alistair looked scared, Zevran looked amused, Morrigan looked irritated, and Leliana - Leliana was beaming with excitement.

 “So you’re my 3 o’clock, hmm?” Isabela glanced at her at a ledger that seemed to have more post-it notes than pages. “The reading?”

 Aedan swallowed nervously, but his voice didn’t waver. “Yap-pa-doo, that’s us.”

 The Rivaini’s gave them a calculating looking, seemingly analysing each of them. She sighed and shut the book, as if she somehow came to a conclusion in her mind.  “It’s not me you need. You need Kitten, the real deal. Consider it a...favour,” with that she shot Zevran a smile. “Follow me, if you will.”

 She lead them to a backroom where a petite elvhen girl was bent over old tomes, several herbs and mortars around her, and ...what was with the creepy mirror in the corner? The room smelled of elfroot, tea, and rain, with hints of cinnamon and spice that was entirely Rivaini. All over the walls were hanging plants and rich tapestries, the floorboards covered in lose carpets. A big round table stood in the centre of the room, covered in cards, crystals, and more books.

 “Kitten, I have some playthings for you,” the Rivaini said, her eyes lighting up as the elvhen girl turned. “Here for a reading.”

 “Oh! Marvelous!” she cried in glee. “I’m Merrill, please come in! I’m sorry about the mess. Oh this is most exciting, Bela usually don’t let me do the readings. She says I’m too straightforward, I don’t ‘razzle dazzle’ enough, so the customers don’t feel the need to return or buy stuff from the stores. Oh creators, I wasn’t supposed to say that, was I?”

 Merrill suddenly shrunk in on herself and looked at - Bela? - who just shook her head with a fond smile. “It’s quite alright love.”

 In a heartbeat Merrill was back to looking like she just saw the face of Mythal. “Goody! Oh, I should probably welcome you - come, sit! On the chairs, pillows, floor, anywhere. Although - I would appreciate it if you didn’t sit on my work table in the corner, but, if you truly wanted - I’m sure I could-”

 “Can we just get this over with?” Morrigan grumbled.

 “Oh! Of course.” Merrill arranged them all around the table, and after some awkward but polite offers of tea that was equally awkward but politely declined, she settled. “So - you’re here for a reading? Future, fortune, love?”

 “Foolishness?” Morrigan added.

 “Fun?” Zevran grinned.

 “Fear?” Alistair croaked as he glanced around the room as if trying to spot a demon that might jump out at him at any moment.

 “Love, if you please,” Leliana responded politely.

 Aedan smiled softly at her and shuffled in his chair, “Yeah, we’re-”

 “Oh!” Merrill interrupted as she turned over some of her cards, all with odd depictions of elvhen gods and mythical creatures. “Yes! Soulmates - wow, those are pretty rare, I don’t know how much you know about Dalish readings but those are quite the delight - amongst you, here. Oh how exciting!”

 Morrigan rolled her eyes, Zevran raised and eyebrow, Alistair raised both eyebrows, and Aedan and Leliana leaned forward with hope in their eyes.

 Even the Rivaini lounging in the corner of the room seemed intrigued.

 “Tru- truly?” Aedan stuttered. In his mind’s eye he already saw their wedding day, their children - they would have Leliana’s eyes and his nose - and their grey-haired smiles as they sat on the porch growing old together.

 “Yes! And between an elf and a human, even more odd…”

 There was a collective silence in the room. Eyes darted between one another, all lingering a bit on Zevran who shrugged in innocent defence.

 “Merrill,” Leliana cautiously asked, “who exactly are you referring to?”

 “Them, of course!” Merrill gestured to Alistair and Zevran who looked equally guilt-stricken. “There’s such a tangled chemistry between them, a connect both ancient and new.” Merrill said all of this as if it weren’t the truth bomb of 2k18, gesturing to the layout of her cards.

 She added a few select crystals, bones, and strange sparkly dust to a cup and jiggled it while murmuring some elvhen magic. She tossed it onto table with flare, then squealed in delight. “See???”

 The silence in the room was deafening, except for Morrigan who was trembling with restraint to keep from bursting out in laughter.

 ~ ~ ~

 It all worked out in the end. Miraculously.

 Leliana had taken the experience as a sign of how the Maker can work in mysterious ways, and accepted a date with Aedan. They’re on date 34 now. Yes, Aedan is counting.

 Morrigan went into Business with Isabela and Merrill, the three of them are quite popular and successful. “The Seer, the Witch, and the Mage” are fully booked months in advance. Their TripAdvisor reviews are excellent.

 Zevran and Alistair? Well, not much changed, as far as anyone could tell. If Zevran sat between Alistair’s legs, arms draped over his knees as they played Mario Kart, or if Alistair got Zevran his favourite snack and popcorn when they went to the movies without the elf having to ask - no one raised an eyebrow. No questions were raised when Zevran immediately knew Alistair had a bad day the moment he entered the room and went to make him a cheese sandwich with mayo (which horrified Morrigan every time), when Alistair left the bar with Zevran to walk him home. All because - nothing had changed. It was only that the others now saw what had always been there.

[cicide76536]

I DIAGNOSE YOU WITH AMAZING SKILLS AND LOVE OF ZEVALISTAIR

Will That Be All?

Click link above to read on Ao3 or read below under the cut.

Relationship: Zevran/Alistair

Fandom: Dragon Age Origins

Rating: Mature

Characters: Zevran Arainai; Alistair Therin; Male Warden

Chapter: 1/1

Series: FicTober Ficlets

Summary: The day started out great, a cute elf smiled at him, he raced after cute elf to return his jacket he had left behind on purpose to lure Alistair, he finally found him… but fast forward to him with his face mushed into a salon table, and his ass in the air (and not the fun version of this position) with his freshly-waxed buthole finally being the conversation starter he needed.

FicTober prompt ( from @barbex ): “Will that be all”

Dragon Age Inktober prompt (from Dankou): DOA Romance

The result: this hot garbage.

Keep reading

[dovabunny]

Tagged

Tagged by the talented and badass @emotionalmorphine ! Thank you 🌻

Top 3 Ships: Fenders Cullrian Zevalistair

Lipstick or chapstick: chapstick fo sho. Have like 18 but I can never find one when I need it. I think I have lipstick but dont know where it is.

Barefoot, sneakers, or heels: I'm a barefoot feral child

Right now I wish a was...: back at work so I could do something productive. I'm getting cabin fever over here.

Last Movie: SANIC the Movie

Last Song: 50 ways to leave your lover by Paul Simon.

But I've been listening to Dua Lipa's Physical a lot because it is SUCH a Fenders modern AU song.

As a kid I wanted to be: a clown. For real.

Write porn, read porn or watch porn?(or no porn): read porn anyway any where

3 things that make me happy:

- new fics for my fav ships on Ao3

- Teaching, tutoring and mentoring at my uni

- Creating something. I love baking but it's been getting me fat during lockdown and I'm not really good at anything else and it's too expensive to buy stuff for crafts that'll just be bad 😔

______

I added some fun questions! Looking forward to your answers :3

Tagging this darlings:

@tearsofwinter @dalish-rogue @irl-friend-saw-my-username @mago-emplumado @heromaggie @typhonserpent @blatterburystreet

[dovabunny]

Top 5 Fav Ships!

I was tagged by the noble and admirable Ser @typhonserpent ! Thanks :D

Here we go... I love ships!

1.FENDERS - Fenris/Anders (yass gimme that enemies to friends to lovers. These assholes are perfect for each other)

2. Kanders - Karl/Anders (this is @storybookhawke 's fault and I love them for it)

3. Zevalistair - Zevran/Alistair (these two give me all the feels and can be so good to each other like hnnnnngggg gimme that wholesome healing content)

4. Cullrian - Cullen/Dorian (blame this fic: All You Are by @nyagosstar )

5. Angst with a happy ending/explicit sexual content

Other fav ships I want to mention too because they give me life:

-Alistair/Bethany

-Nanders (nate and Anders - Anders and broody go well together)

-varric/Cassandra (they're angry because they're secretly in love)

-merrill/Isabella (#merribella4Ever)

-fenris/zevran (because of A Red Promise)

-fenkanders

-solas/very pissed off vhenan who is going to kick his ass all the way to the black city and back in DA4 (*cries in solavellan hell*)

:)

So imma tag @mago-emplumado @tearsofwinter @thejourneymaninn @storybookhawke @hollyand-writes @daydreamingdragonage @pegaeae @cicide76536 and @lynngo-art :3 I'm curious about all'y'all's top ships!

[dovabunny]

9 Tag

Goal: tag 9 people to get to know them.

I was tagged by @protect-him !  You beautiful talented beast and co-writer you. And @damnedapostate <3 Thanks! :D

Relationship status: Dragon Age.

Favorite color: Green like Anders’ coat and white as Fenris’ hair. And blue like lyrium and Justice <3

Lipstick or chapstick: Lipstick so I can leave kisses on Fenris and Anders’ cheeks 

Last song: Believer by Imagine Dragons, thanks to a lovely anon who said its such an Anders song :D Then Control by Hasely which is a total Fenris song.

Last Movie: Hitman’s Bodyguard. It barely held my motherfucking interest because there was no motherfucking Fenders, but Ryan Reynolds (aka Deadpool) and Samuel motherfucking L Jackson are pretty motherfucking funny. (if that joke is lost on you, go see the movie. It’s really good and SLJ’s catchphrase is dropped like 72 times. motherfucker.)

Top 3 shows:  Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Rick & Morty, 30 Rock

Top 3 ships: Zevalistair, Fenders, and Cullerian. 

Can I tag these lovelies: @antcommander  @mago-emplumado @tearsofwinter@social-deception and @fallenkey

Top 3 Ship Artists (added by me): Fenders - @mago-emplumado | FenHawke - @antcommander | Cullerian - @pfaerie

[ohsweetflips]

if any of you are also into zevalistair pls let me know

and just a reminder that if you don’t want to see any zevalistair, just let me know if you have a specific tag for it (aka: #_______ don’t look) or just blacklist #zevalistair !!! :)

[ohsweetflips]

,,,,,,,, people are liking that zevalistair thing i just wrote,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

headcanons?

[ohsweetflips]

prompt: King!alistair at some fancy formal function and his lovely assassin boyfriend zev is just casually stopping like 50 different assassins

When Alistair asked Zevran to stay with him and be his main assassin, Zevran was overjoyed for roughly ten minutes. And after those ten minutes, he was filled with panic. 

People would want Alistair dead. There were people who wanted Loghain as king and were set out to avenge his death, there were people who thought Anora should have had the throne, and then there were people who just really hated royalty in general. Zevran was one of the things between Alistair and assassination. Shit.

Which is what led to Zevran being very, very on guard at this fancy Orlesian party Alistair was invited to. Zevran was the guest he brought. It was obvious that the other party attenders were trying not to say anything about the King of Ferelden bringing someone who isn’t just not noble, but is also an elf.

He was currently watching someone who just entered the party. This one, wearing all black to an Orlesian Party, could possibly be an assassin sent to kill Alistair who hoped to not stand out.

(He could be over reacting, he told himself that. But he’d rather over think every person then be completely oblivious.)

“You need to relax,” Alistair said from behind him. Zevran looked over his shoulder.

“I am relaxed.”

Alistair grinned down at him. “Oh really?”

Zevran rolled his eyes. “I clearly am. There is nothing bothering me.”

“You have been standing completely still for quite a while now. The Orlesians are getting very unsettled.” Zevran scoffed, but it was becoming obvious that the others at the party kept looking at Zevran. Though whether or not that was because he was very stiff or with the king was unknown.

“You could pair white wine with cheese and that would unsettle them.”

Alistair laughed and nodded. “Well, that is true.” His smile then softened. “But really, what’s wrong?”

Zevran sighed and crossed his arms, shifting his weight to his right foot. “Frankly, the people here are unsettling me.”

Alistair furrowed his eyebrows. “And why is that?”

Zevran’s eyes watched the fellow in all black. Their feathered mask hid their face but Zevran could see how they were lurking along the wall, avoiding people. “No reason. Just heightened suspicions on certain people.” The one in black needed to learn how to hide their daggers better. Any experienced assassin would know how. “Now, my dear King, if you’d excuse me.”

Any experienced assassin, Zevran being one of them, would know how to quickly and quietly take care of enemies out of sight from everyone. And that’s exactly what Zevran did.

[dovabunny]

Will That Be All?

Click link above to read on Ao3 or read below under the cut.

Relationship: Zevran/Alistair

Fandom: Dragon Age Origins

Rating: Mature

Characters: Zevran Arainai; Alistair Therin; Male Warden

Chapter: 1/1

Series: FicTober Ficlets

Summary: The day started out great, a cute elf smiled at him, he raced after cute elf to return his jacket he had left behind on purpose to lure Alistair, he finally found him... but fast forward to him with his face mushed into a salon table, and his ass in the air (and not the fun version of this position) with his freshly-waxed buthole finally being the conversation starter he needed.

FicTober prompt ( from @barbex ): “Will that be all”

Dragon Age Inktober prompt (from Dankou): DOA Romance

The result: this hot garbage.

“Will that be all?”

“Uhhh….”

In that moment Alistair questioned every choice he had ever made in his sad, miserable life. He saw every mistake, every disaster, every miscalculation, every bad decision.

...and decided not to listen to any of it.

“...my ass is kinda hairy?”

Zevran turned his head away for a moment, seemingly to get more wax strips, although the shake of his shoulders rather suggested he was trying not to laugh at his face.

“Of course, my friend,” the waxing specialist at ‘Darkspawn Drag Queen’, an apparent beauty salon with a sense of humour. Or so he hopes, as their slogan is: ‘Maybe She’s Born with It - Maybe It's the Blight’. “I myself have nothing against hairy men, but if is what you desire, I shall remove any and every hair from your beautiful person.”

Alistair blushed from his fresh perfectly waxed and shaped brow to his now hairless toes. And wasn’t that just the problem.

See, when a gorgeous man with caramel tan skin, long blond locks perfectly braided at the sides, eyes like molten honey, and lips like….like.... What are nice things lips can be like? Alistair is not sure, but it’s like that. Anyway - the elf is perfect. In every possible way. And when a beautiful being like that smiles and winks at you, then (he was like 72% sure) purposefully leaves his jacket when exiting the bistro - you, of course, follow him to return it to him like the gentleman you are! Makerdammit, he didn’t sit through all those hours of maker forsaken etiquette classes Teagan made him take for nothing.

He tried to call after the elf, but always seemed to miss him by just a step, seeing his boots and hair disappear around a corner until they disappeared into a shop. Alistair sighed in relief, finally he would have the elf cornered (oh that sounds like a bad thing, doesn’t it? He doesn’t mean it in a bad way!) so he could give him his jacket.

Only... when he walked into the shop, which turned out to be a beauty salon of some kind, Zevran had his jacket in his hand, his uniform for the salon had been hidden underneath, staring at the heaving Ferelden doofus standing in the door.

“Do you have an appointment?” the elf grinned at him, and ohhhh Maker that Antivan accent was like warm custard.

“We don’t serve shems,” a bored and bitter voice sounded, and it was only then that Alistair noticed the other elf standing next to him. Short black hair pulled back into an angry looking ponytail, he had pale skin but no face tattoos (the ones the Dalish had, what were they called? Vassa-something. Vassa-lynne?). “Go away.”

“Easy now, Caro. This is what we talked about, no? You need to accept all kinds of patrons,” the elf he inadvertently stalked for no reason said to the angry one. “Excuse my friend here, he has had some...unfortunate dealings with humans. My name is Zevran, I do waxing here at the salon. My angry friend here is the boss. We also have Sten who does massages, Leliana who does facials, and Morrigan who does nails. Now, who are you here to see?”

“Uh… you?” Alistair said, trying to sound confident. Holy maker shits he just stole some poor guy’s jacket and ran out of the bistro only to follow this poor unsuspecting elf to his place of work. Least he could do is try to make up for it…or would that make things worse?

One of Zevran’s perfectly arched eyebrows lifted. “I wasn’t aware I had an appointment, but lucky for you I do have a spot available right now. Do come on it.”

Aaaaand that brings us to where we are right now. Alistair, almost completely hairless from the brow down, lying face down, knees up, getting his asshole waxed.

Jap.

Can’t say its the worst date he’s ever had. That prize goes to that maker awful date with Anora where they went to - what he had honestly thought was a gaming and game art convention, but - what turned out to be a furry convention.

All of this, just to douse his shame for stealing some poor guy’s jacket and his helpless need to talk to this beautiful elven specimen. Things his cheese-addled brain can’t think of alternatives for than, obviously, waxing his entire body.

“You know, dear Alistair,” Zevran said as he ripped off (what Alistair hoped was) the last strip of hot wax along his buthole. “I shall not stand in your way of becoming the first entirely hairless Ferelden man, if that is what you wish. Although I might add, your hairless, smooth ass is quite immaculate. But I feel I must ask - why are you doing this? Is this some fetish? I shall not kinkshame you, scout’s honour.”

Alistair relaxed his jaw where it had been clenched like a Mabari’s grip on a bandit’s meaty leg on the towel his face was resting on, all to keep from screaming like a little girl. “I, I uhm… I just…” Alistair swallowed thickly. All the blood that should be in his brain was occupied it seemed. “...have you ever licked a lamppost in winter?”

Zevran laughed, and oh, that sound almost made all the pain worth it. Almost. “Can’t say I have, my friend. Why? Was that your first experience having parts of your body ripped off?”

“Uh, no,” Alistair laughed a little in embarrassment. “What I’m trying to say is…” What was he trying to say?”

“Hmm,” Zevran interjected as he applied a soothing ointment to the terribly harassed (hah! hair-ass-ed) and sensitive skin around his buthole. “You wish to know what I think?”

Alistair made a strangled noise of agreement at the back of his throat as the excess ointment that dripped to the back of his balls were wiped off.

“I think,” Zevran said calmly, “that a certain handsome, albeit giant and hairy, man saw little ol’ me enter the shop, not seeing the name outside till it was too late. Said handsome, hairy giant felt discomforted by his miscalculation, and agreed to be waxed without exactly meaning too. Does this sound correct?”

Alistair murmured a ‘uh-huh’ into his folded arms, even as Zevran guided his hips back down and covered him with a warm, fluffy towel.

“Only thing I can’t figure out, sadly, is the ‘why’ of it all. You may sit up, but you may be tender.”

Alistair indeed gave a little-muted yelp when he sat up, keeping the towel over his manly bits. Although, why he wasn’t sure. The man had waxed his feet, legs, buthole, back, crotch and balls, chest, underarms, and brows. He probably knew Alistair’s body than he did himself.

“I guess,” Alistair huffed, his head low. “I just wanted to, I don’t know, talk to you? And the more you talked, the more I wanted you to talk. You’re so smart, and funny, and you’ve seen so many places, and I … Now that I say it out loud, I realise how stupid I sound. I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

He looked up, expecting to see annoyance, amusement, or even pity, but what he saw was an easy smile and curious eyes. “I had expected such, but I thought it might be presumptuous of me to suggest. But now that it has been said, may I suggest the next time you wish to spend time listening to me, we do so at a restaurant over dinner? Or do you prefer we do so over your hairless, gleaming body that would put Adonis to shame?”

“Are you… asking me out?” Alistair perked up, his eyes wide and back straight.

“Hmm, perhaps.” Zevran smirked and pulled a card out of his pocket, scribbling something on it before handing it to Alistair. “I tell you what, next time you want to see me, call and make an appointment.”

With that, Zevran bowed and left the room for him to get dressed. He looked down at the card.

Zevran Arainai

The Darkspawn Drag Queen

‘Maybe She’s Born with It ~ Maybe it’s the Blight’

555 - 8008 - 6969

084 384 5555

Call me xxx