#zayne stop giving me bedroom eyes in a public café

[starmocha]

I don't always have to be sad to post caps of Zayne. Sometimes (Always), I just want to look at his hands. 💁‍♀️

[letsyesnomaybe]

Never Gonna Wanna Let Me Go | Part 6

Zayn Malik is one of the highest paid escorts in London. He’s good at his job, he knows this. But it’s not his chosen field, it’s easy money so he can have a chance to pursue his chosen field without becoming homeless. His employer Caroline has many rules to keep him safe but Zayn only has one ‘Don’t Get Attached’. Of course, there was always going to be one, the guy who would come in to the picture and make Zayn’s easy job almost impossible.

Liam Payne. Twenty Six. Made his money by inheriting his father’s music business after he passed away. Quite well known so expect publicity. Wants a pretty face on his arm to cover the events he has to attend while in town on business. Make sure he knows if he wants extra he has to pay. You’ve got your usual expenses on your card, don’t go overboard like last time. I mean it, Malik! Your share for the weekend will go in your account on Monday when you’ve done your job.

Love you babes, stay safe, C x

Part 1, 2 ,3, 4 & 5  (also on ao3)

“I can’t, I’m sorry.” 

Those were the last words Louis had breathed before he’d walked out of the hotel room and out of Zayn’s life. He was eighteen and heartbroken and he swore from that day, he’d never let another person break him the way Louis had. 

“It’s worse than it was then,” Harry whispers to Niall, when he thinks he’s out of Zayn’s hearing. “He was heartbroken over Louis but this, it feels like it’s so much more.” 

“He’s a smart lad,” Niall would always reply. “He knows what he’s doing.” 

Harry would always sigh, as if it wasn’t the answer he wanted to pacify his worry over his best friend. He’d always come to Zayn afterwards, curl up next to where he was binge watching the walking dead or spread out on the floor of the art room, to watch him paint. 

Zayn knows he’s trying to be a good friend but now he’s not working, there’s no escape. It’s twenty four seven Harry and as much as he loves the lad, it’s a little too much of him to handle. 

It’s been four days since he left Liam at the cabin (not that he’s counting) and quit his job with Caroline. It takes Niall and Harry’s usual morning activity to push him out of the house. 

He only goes twenty minutes down the road, to their local café and tucks himself at the back with his laptop, hoping to get some graphics done that he could sell to local business for a tiny bit of income. 

But he’s barely there ten minutes when intrusive thoughts lead him down a different path than intended. 

He’s a glutton for punishment, he thinks, as he googles Louis’ name and gets greeted with thousands of articles about him and Stella because they had recently announced they were expecting a baby boy. 

Zayn slams to laptop shut when he sees a cosy photo of them in Paris where they’d travelled to the night of his championship win for a little R&R. 

He decided to head back to the flat, hoping the hour he had been out of said flat would be enough time for his friends to get done with their activities. 

The moment he steps foot back in his apartment, all he can think about is Louis, he can’t get those stupid blue eyes and curled smile out of his mind. 

Which is probably why the moment he gets to his room, he absolutely rips it apart, trying to find one particular thing. 

He finds it tucked in the very back of the draws he keeps his hoodies and he has to give it a hard tug from where it had managed to jam itself in the corners of the drawer. 

When he finally gets the little brown envelope out from inside the drawer, a polaroid falls out on to the floor. When he picks it up he’s greeted by the image of two grinning boys. Two young lads who don’t know the world yet and had no idea of the pain they were about to cause one another.

The only other thing in the envelope is a key to an apartment that Zayn had never visited.

‘I want you to have a place where you’re safe,’ Louis had said. ‘It’s yours, for whenever you’re ready.’

“Zayn?!” Harry calls out suddenly. 

Zayn shoves the key and polaroid back in the envelope and tucks them it back where it was. 

“Z?!” Harry calls again, only this time closer. 

“I’m here.” Zayn calls back. 

Harry’s head pops around Zayn’s bedroom door and he gives him curious eyes. 

“What?” Zayn asks sharply, which he instantly regrets when Harry’s lips twitch in a way they only do when he’s upset. 

“Liam’s here,” Harry tells him softly. “I said he was only allowed to see you, if you wanted him to. If not, then me and Ni will throw him out.” 

“I’d quite like to see you try and throw him out.” Zayn teases. 

“I’m stronger than you think, Malik.” Harry retorts and a big smile graces his lips, the earlier hurt easily forgotten. “So, shall I send him down?” 

Zayn nods his head but before Harry can leave, he calls after him. 

“Yes, darling?” Harry asks, the grin still gracing his lips. 

“Don’t stick around to listen, okay?” Zayn pleads. “It’s probably not going to be nice but I’m good, yeah?” 

Harry looks curious but nods his agreement before continuing out of the room. 

Zayn doesn’t know what to do with himself and he’s spends so much time fretting over if he should sit or stand that he’s still stood dumbly in the middle of the room when Liam appears in it. 

“I thought you wouldn’t see me.” Liam admits as greeting. 

Zayn shrugs and tucks his shaking his hands in to his pockets because if he’s honest, he thought he wouldn’t see Liam again, not in person anyway. 

“I’ll get straight to the point then.” Liam decides and rustles around in the back pocket of his jeans for a few seconds. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows because his curiosity is slightly peaked and if it is something painful, at least he’ll be amused when he has to call Harry back for him and Niall to attempt to throw Liam out. 

“I was packing my things and this fell out of my bag,” Liam explains and holds out the drawing Zayn had done in the hotel room. “It’s me, isn’t it?”

Zayn stares down at the crumpled paper that contains a real life drawing of a heart that he’d converted in to a home.

“I thought it was about Penny,” Liam admits. “I thought it was your way of saying that the people we loose will always have a home in our hearts. But that’s not the meaning behind it, is it?”

Zayn looks to him and then back to the drawing.

“Is it?” Liam asks a little more desperate.

“It’s whatever you want it to be.” Zayn tells him and tries to hand the drawing back.

Liam snatches it from his hand. “That’s bullshit.”

“I can’t tell you what the drawing means to you, Liam.” Zayn says with a shrug.

“I don’t care what it means to me,” Liam argues. “I want to know what it means to you. Why did you draw it?”

“I draw a lot of things that have no meaning.” Zayn replies and folds his arms.

Harry snorts loudly from the other room.

“I told you to fuck off, Styles.” Zayn shouts at him.

There’s a scramble and then a loud crash before the door to Zayn’s room opens and Niall’s head pops in.

“We’re heading out,” He informs Zayn. “If you need us then give us a ring, yeah?”

Zayn drags his fingers through his hair and nods his head.

“If Liam was going to kill him I’m sure us being here wouldn’t stop him.” Niall shouts at Harry as he must lead him out of the flat.

Liam steps towards Zayn as the sound of the front door closing echoes through the flat.

“Did you draw this because you’re trying to tell me you’re letting me in to the only place that’s yours to protect?” He asks. “The last place you’re allowed to call the shots on who comes and goes.”

Zayn stares at the crumpled paper in Liam’s hand. “It’s just a drawing.”

“I know Louis was let in and he didn’t treat it well but we’re not the same people, Zayn.” Liam tries.

“You don’t get it, do you?” Zayn scoffs.

“What don’t I get?” Liam pleads.

“He trashed the place but you still broke the windows,” Zayn replies and moves away from Liam’s touch. “You both lost your right to the key, the way you went about it doesn’t matter.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Liam tells.

‘I’m not trying to hurt you,’ Louis echoes in his head. ‘I love you, Malik, maybe not in the same way but I still want to take care of you--’

“Shut up!” Zee cries.

Liam hushes him like he’s a small child throwing a tantrum. “It’s okay, Z, you’re okay.” 

The nickname cuts Zayn deep and he takes a step back, to put space between him and Liam. 

“What did Louis tell you?” He asks, thanking the heavens above that his voice holds out and doesn’t crack. 

“He told he that he was a dickhead who really hurt you,” Liam explains. “He shouldn’t have done what he did, you didn’t deserve to be treated like that.” 

“Did he tell you that I was barely an adult when we met,” Zee starts because the anger he’s been harbouring for the past six years is finally bubbling over. “I was a kid and his manager used to pay me to fuck him because he was terrified Louis would be one of the braves ones and would come out and then he wouldn’t see as well.” 

“That’s disgusting.” Liam decides. 

“Right?” Zee agrees and then laughs but it’s not joyful, it’s pained. “We used to talk about it, after the fucking was done. We’d talk for hours about how much of a dickhead his manager was and how homophobic his chosen career path was.” 

Liam looks sad like it was something he’d already been told but Zayn’s too far gone, he’s finally letting him relive the memories he’d buried deep for so many ears. 

“Falling in love with him was so easy,” Zayn decides. “Christ, he only had to suck my dick good once and make me laugh a few times and I was gone.” 

‘I’m not gay,’ Louis’ voice echoes in his head. ‘It was like shagging a mate, there weren’t any feelings involved, I’m sorry’. 

Zayn should have known really, they never really kissed and when the sex was done they wouldn’t touch. They would share a blunt and talk about fixing the world but the conversation never really went deeper than that, they never really got to know each other past the obvious. 

He knows now, what it’s like to shag a bi guy who leans more in favour of girls. Louis could get hard for a guy, he can find men attractive but for some reason when it comes to anything more than physical, his brain won’t let him get passed it. 

He remembers being so cruel when Louis had finally ended it, he’d told him he was as bad as the people who had forced them together in the first place and the hurt expression Louis had given him following that outburst still haunts him to this day. 

But he knows now, Louis was a kid himself, he was trying to figure out himself too. It was sad that he had to use Zayn to do it but Zayn doesn’t resent him, not for that anyway. 

“Zayn?” Liam asks softly, after a silence had fallen over them for quite a long time. 

“I need you to leave,” Zayn decides because he’s about to break apart all over again and he doesn’t want Liam here for that. “Can you leave, please?” 

“That’s what you want?” Liam checks. 

Zayn nods his head but can’t lift it to meet the younger lad’s eyes. 

“Alright,” Liam agrees  “I’ve got a plane to catch anyway.” 

“You’re going to LA?” Zayn asks, finally looking up. 

Liam nods, looking hopeful. “The offer is still there for you to come with me?” 

“What as this time?” Zayn replies spitefully. “Can’t be much left on the roaster, right?” 

Liam nods, taking the hit because he must know he deserves it. “Well, it’s there if you want it, I’m sure Caroline has Amara’s number, she can book you a flight, if you change your mind.” 

“I don’t work for Caroline anymore,” Zayn informs him, though he’s not sure why he has a need for Liam to know that information. “But I won’t be needing Amara’s number so I suppose it doesn’t matter.” 

“You don’t work for Caroline anymore?” Liam asks shocked. 

Zayn shrugs.

“Why?” Liam pushes. 

Zayn shrugs again and drops his gaze to Liam’s stupid air max trainers, they’re the most recently released ones and it’s just a reminder of how much money is in this guy’s bank account. 

“Why, Z?” Liam pleads this time. 

“Because I’m done,” Zayn answers finally and looks back up to meet Liam’s eyes. “It’s my turn to call the shots over my body and life.” 

Liam steps forward tentatively. “Come to LA with me?” 

“You can’t buy me anymore, Liam.” Zayn reminds him. 

“I don’t want to,” Liam promises. “I want you come willingly, I want you to come because you want to, I want you to come because...” 

“What?” Zayn demands when the sentence trails off. 

“I think I’m in love with you,” Liam concludes. “You’re so fucking much, Zayn. You’re too much and I probably don’t deserve you but if you were willing to give me a shot I’d really hope you could fall in love with me too.” 

“It’s been one week.” Zayn says a little breathless because he wasn’t expecting love. 

“My sister always said I went in to things heart first with my head taking a long time to follow,” Liam admits and reaches up to rub at the back of his neck. “She said it what made me such a good song writer but it has led to a lot of heartbreak in my lifetime, I’ll admit.” 

Zayn lets that information sink in to his brain and realise he’d spent a lot of their time together, putting a lot of his past traumas on to this boy, all because of who had made their interaction happen. He’d never thought there would be a chance that while he was so focused on his own haunting memories, the beautiful boy he’d been spending his time with might have been returning his feelings. 

“It was her on the phone.” Liam tells him. 

“What?” Zayn asks confused. 

“It was Roo, my sister, she was who I was talking to when you overheard the conversation.” Liam explains. “She worries a lot, if I told her I was with you at the cabin, I would have got a lecture.” 

“Because you were falling in love with a prostitute?” Zayn asks because hearing that conversation had still hurt him. 

“I rang her on my way back from Scotland,” Liam continues with a sad smile. “She called me an idiot, said I had my very own pretty woman moment and I’d been the idiot who had let it go.” 

“If you’d tried to climb up out fire escape you would have probably died.” Zayn admits. “It’s not safe, at all.” 

Liam looks very confused by that response. 

“You really need to watch the damn film if you’re going to reference it, Liam.” Zayn says frustrated. 

“We could watch it on the plane to LA?” Liam suggests. “I have a meeting with Simmons but I was thinking there might be a few studios we could check out.” 

“I don’t--” 

“Want my money,” Liam finishes for him. “I know, I thought about that--the hour long flight back from Scotland was a long one, okay? I had a lot of time to plan and think.” 

Zayn nods for him to explain his idea. 

“I’ll buy a studio,” Liam starts and when he’s sure Zayn isn’t going to interrupt. “Then when your art starts making money, you can pay me rent for that studio.” 

“It’ll be at a discounted price?” Zayn guesses. 

“I could think of another form of payment.” Liam jokes, it’s a bad one considering how they met. 

Zayn frowns. 

“It was a joke,” Liam assures him. “It’ll of course be at a discounted price but I don’t even know if it’ll have to be, I’ve seen your art, Z. The kids in LA, they’re going to lap that shit up, lots of rich trust fund kids have nothing better to do than pretend they understand your art.” 

Zayn snorts. “Great, I’ll be pouring my heart and sole in to pieces for them to be hung up in rooms of rich college kids so they can stare at them to stop themselves coming to quick.” 

“If you don’t like that idea,” Liam says quickly. “We have a design team at the label, they work with artists for like album covers and posters and shit. They could really do with an artist like you, someone to think outside the box.” 

“You really have thought this over.” Zayn observes. 

Liam nods his head several times. “The minute you left the cabin, I couldn’t think of anything but how to get you back.” 

“You love me?” Zayn checks again. 

Liam nods, the smile Zayn adores taking over his face completely. “I love you.” 

“Fuck,” Zayn replies and finally closes the gap between them. “I think I love you too.” 

“You do?” Liam asks, worrying his lip between his teeth. 

Zayn reaches his hand up to tug it out. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Liam replies. 

Zayn’s the one who leans in and seals it with a kiss but Liam’s the one who slips a hand around his back to tug their bodies completely together, not an inch of them not touching. 

They stand like that for the longest time until Harry and Niall’s overpowering personas fill the apartment again. 

Zayn breaks the LA news to Harry softly but it’s Liam who makes the news easier for his best friend by promising to fly them both out whenever they want for however long they want. 

Harry still looks a bit reluctant but it’s one simple gesture that has an easy smile pulling at his lips and it’s Liam kissing Zayn on the cheek before he gets up to help Niall make a round of teas. The moment a happy smile pulls at Zayn’s lips, it mirrors on his best friends and like that he knows he’s got his blessing.