More incorrect quotes
Staring Zane, Janus and Ivan (they are all dating)
Zane: What doesn't kill me should run, because now I'm fucking pissed.
Zane: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.
Zane: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.
Zane: 'Person of interest' is almost too flattering.
Zane: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,' I'd be like, 'Moi? Oh, do go on.'
Janus: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.
Janus: People are always asking me if I'm a morning person or a night person.
Janus: And I'm just like, 'Buddy! I'm barely even a PERSON!' (true)
Janus: You think I really give a fuck? I can’t even read.
Janus: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying 'Haven’t decided yet' is typically a good response.
Ivan: You wanna see how hardcore I am?
Ivan: *punches wall*
Ivan:
Ivan: Take me to the hospital. (Ivan is pathetic and i love him for it)
Ivan: I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than fuck
Ivan: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?'
Ivan: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.
Ivan, motioning to a Halloween display: All these ghosts! All these ghosts! I still can’t find a boo.
Ivan: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.
Zane: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?
Ivan: Yes!
Janus: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.
Ivan: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?
Zane: How am I supposed to know?
Janus: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.
Zane: *sighs*
Zane: You wouldn't be trapped.
Ivan: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Zane does? I mean, what if they jumped off a cliff?
Janus: If Zane were to jump off a cliff, they would’ve done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Zane jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.
Ivan: You jump off a cliff!
Janus: Gladly. Provided Zane did first.
Ivan: HELP! I TOLD JANUS I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!
Zane, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?
Ivan: Zane and I don’t use pet names.
Janus: I see. Hey, what do bees make?
Ivan: Honey?
Zane: Yes, dear?
Ivan:
Janus: Don't ever lie to my face again.
Ivan: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
Zane: Wasn't Janus with you?
Janus: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.
Ivan, trying to ask Zane out: Would you like to stay for dinner?
Janus: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER? (this is cannon)
Ivan: WHY. why did you give Janus a KNIFE?!
Zane: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe.
Ivan: Now I feel unsafe!
Zane: I’m sorry.
Zane: ... would you like a knife?
Ivan: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?
Zane: You’re a hazard to society
Janus: And a coward. DO TWENTY.
Ivan: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?
Zane: Oh, I’m always running
Zane: The question is from what
Ivan: Top 30 reasons why Ivan is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you!
Zane: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!
Ivan: I am not out of control! I'm a law abiding citizen!
Zane: Really? Name one law
Ivan: Don't kill people?
Zane: That's on me. I set the bar too low.
Ivan: Welcome, fellow idiots
Zane: Hello, Ivan
Ivan: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot
Zane: You underestimate me
Ivan, trying to cheer the group up: Things could be worse, you know!
Zane: How?
Ivan: How what?
Zane: How could they be worse?
Ivan: They couldn’t, I lied.
Zane:
Ivan: So are we flirting right now?
Zane: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU
Ivan: That doesn’t answer my question
Ivan: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Zane's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get them out...
Ivan: Where are you going?
Zane: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there
Janus: Change is inedible.
Zane: Don't you mean inevitable?
Janus, spitting out coins: No, I did not.
Janus: petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday
Zane: Wednesay
Janus: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible
Janus: Zane, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!
Zane: Well of course I have.
Zane: Have you ever tried going mad without power?
Zane: It's boring.
Janus: Zane! My face is on fire!
Zane: Janus! Are you ok?!
Janus: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.
Zane: But your face is on fire.
Janus: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.
Janus: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much.
Zane: Oh, you’ve been?
Janus: Once. In Monopoly.
Janus: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Zane: Janus, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.
Janus: It’s dark in here
Zane: Don’t worry dude I got this
Zane: *Stomps their feet*
Zane: *Skechers light up*
Janus: Three words. Say them and I'm yours.
Zane: Three words.
Janus:
Janus: Hey Zane can I get a sip of your water?
Zane: It's not water.
Janus: Vodka, I like your style!
Zane: It's vinegar.
Janus: Wh-Wha-
Zane: It's vinegar, COWARD.
Janus: What’s up guys? I’m back.
Zane: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.
Janus: Death is a social construct.
Janus: I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you
Ivan: 10 times 0 is still 0 though
Janus: Jokes on you, I can't do math
Janus: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why.
Ivan: Only if you also don't ask why
Ivan: *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick.
Janus:
Ivan:
Janus: This one is fine
Janus: Can you keep a secret?
Ivan: Do you know anything about my life?
Janus: No I do not. Good point. (SERIOUSLY WHAT IS IVANS BACKSTORY)
Janus: You love me, right, Ivan?
Ivan: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.
Janus: Are you an ‘arr’ pirate, or a ‘yo ho ho’ pirate?
Ivan: I’m a ‘I’m not paying $600 for photoshop’ pirate.
Janus: I’m going to take you out
Ivan: great, it’s a date!
Janus: I meant that as a threat.
Ivan: See you at five!
Janus: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-
Ivan: Twelve, actually.
Janus: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?
Ivan: Yours!
Janus: That's right: no one's.
the point of this post is that Zane attracts himbos
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Zanivus hcs?
Ohhoho, you know me so well <3 (not romantic)
-they cuddle. A lot
-zane didn’t realise they were in a relationship until all three of them cuddled together for the first time
-zane has made plushies of ivan and Janus as bday presents
-Janus likes to kiss ivan and zanes hands a lot and does it multiple times a day
-they’re engaged!! Zane has a ring made of pink diamond, ivan an obsidian ring, and Janus a sapphire ring!!!
-they go on missions together
-they have a secret place in the mountains where they relax and kiss each other
-pretty much the whole of okhasis knows they’re a throuple except zianna and garte lol
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aphmau incorrect quotes
i was bored and did this
*zane is cooking*
gene: Any chance that’s for me?
zane: It’s for zenix. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need them on my side.
sasha: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.
zane: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?
gene: Nope, absolutely not.
sasha: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.
zenix: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.
vylad: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.
dante: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.
zane: gene... How do I begin to explain gene?
sasha: gene is flawless.
zenix: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000.
vylad: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan.
dante: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome. (ReGENEa gorge)
zane: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
gene: Killed without hesitation.
zane: No
zane, pointing: May I sit there?
janus: That's my lap
zane: That doesn't answer my question, janus.
zane: Okay, truth or dare?
janus: Truth
zane: How many hours have you slept this week?
janus:
janus: ...Dare
zane: Go to bed.
janus: I don’t like this game.
zane: I prevented a murder today.
janus: Really? How’d you do that?
zane: self control.
zane: It’s dark in here
janus: Don’t worry dude I got this
janus: *Stomps their feet*
janus: *Skechers light up*
zane, driving ivan and janus: So how was your day?
ivan: We almost got surprise adopted!
zane: What?
janus: We almost got kidnapped.
zane: Oh, okay.
zane: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!
zane: I told ivan their ears flush when they lie.
janus: Why?
zane: Look.
zane: Hey ivan! Do you love us?
ivan, covering their ears: No.
janus:
zane: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!
janus: Why are zane and ivan sitting with their backs to each other?
gene: They had a fight.
janus: Then why are they holding hands?
gene: They get sad when they fight.
zane, tending to janus's wounds: How would you rate your pain?
janus: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.
zane: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.
janus: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
zane: Absolutely not.
*The squad is over at zane's house*
janus: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?
zane: ... N-No...
zane, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???
janus, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!
ivan: I see a-
zane, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.
janus: Oh, well I-
zane: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*
zane, amazed: Its got a bake setting!
lilian: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!
ivy: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?
zane: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!
zane: I am someone who owns four ovens...
zane, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...
zane: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...
katelyn, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!
zane:
janus: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!
zane:
zane, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS
zane: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.
janus: What if it bites me and it dies!?
ivan: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, janus, learn to listen.
lilian: What if it bites itself and I die?
ivy: That’s voodoo.
katelyn: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
janus: That’s correlation, not causation.
lilian: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?
ivy: That’s kinky.
zane: Oh my God. (this one is cannon)
*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
zane: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
janus: ...I did. I broke it.
zane: No. No you didn't. ivan?
ivan: Don't look at me. Look at lilian.
lilian: What?! I didn't break it.
ivan: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
lilian: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
ivan: Suspicious.
lilian: No, it's not!
ivy: If it matters, probably not, but katelyn was the last one to use it.
katelyn: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
ivy: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
katelyn: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, ivy!
janus: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, zane.
zane: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
ivy: zane... ivan's been awfully quiet.
ivan: rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
zane, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
zane: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
zane:
zane: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.(this one is also cannon)
zane, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.
janus: Hey.
ivan: Hi.
lilian: Hello.
ivy: Hey!
zane: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
katelyn: We were out of Doritos.
zane: Time for plan G.
janus: Don’t you mean plan B?
zane: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
ivan: What about plan D?
zane: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
lilian: What about plan E?
zane: I’m hoping not to use it. ivy dies in plan E.
katelyn: I like plan E.
zane: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
janus: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents
zane: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you
ivan: Actually I did the math, janus would have $225, not $0.15.
janus: Fam I’m right here....
lilian: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)
zane: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?
lilian: Sorry I only have a dollar
zane: :(
ivan: Hey I just realized my friend is right, janus would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent
lilian: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice
ivan: You can buy anything you want with $22,500
ivy: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice
ivan: Apply juice to what
katelyn: Directly to the forehead
janus: Great chat everyone
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