#youtube when i was fifteen and i’ve never really properly talked to anyone about it (esp the ocd) i’m just

[belleandsaintsebastian]

trying to be kind to my brain but it’s really really hard bc i hate it. soooo much at the moment

[grimelords]

There is no limit to how many good songs exist! There are just so many!

My June playlist is finished, and on time too! Please enjoy all manner of bangers from Dave Brubeck, Nelly Furtado and everyone in between.

listen here

Night And Day - Hot Chip: I’ve started a band with some friends and my friend Tiana (who has requested a special shoutout in this playlist and is currently receiving it!) suggested this as a song for us to learn and she was extremely right to do it! It’s extremely funky and probably the most i’ve ever liked Hot Chip because they’ve finally allowed themselves to be emotional and feel the most important emotion of all: horniness.

Infinity Guitars - Sleigh Bells: The other day a friend of mine said ‘hey whatever happened to Sleigh Bells?’ and guess what: they have five albums and continue to release new music as recently as last year. They seem to steadfastly refuse to advance their sound and you’ve got to give them props for that. When nobody else sounds anything like you the smartest thing you can do is double down on your own weird thing. I’ve always loved this song and am totally enamoured by whatever mixing trick it is that enables this song to start loud as fuck and somehow finish even louder no matter what volume you play it at.

Hurricane - Bob Dylan: I haven’t watched the Rolling Thunder Revue thing on Netflix yet but I’m excited to because this is a good Dylan era and I’m always down for more footage of the world’s freak Bobby D acting like a maniac. This song is a good example of how have no control over how music is consumed once you release it because this is ostensibly a serious and angry protest song about a great injustice but my greatest memory of it is for at least a month when I was in boarding school a guy in my dorm would play it every morning super loud and we would all yell the words along as we were getting dressed. Having a great time being fifteen and yelling happily about a miscarriage of justice.

Grindin' - Clipse: I started putting together a playlist of songs with super minimal or no pitched instrumentation that almost totally rely on the percussion and the vocals to carry it. Basically the Pharrell special because he did it on this and Drop It Like It’s Hot and I’m sure more songs of his I haven’t heard yet. But also songs like Lipgloss by Lil Mama, Fix Up Look Sharp by Dizzee Rascal, Tipsy By J-Kwon (almost if it didn’t have the baseline) and The Whisper Song by The Ying Yang Twins. There’s heaps more I’m sure. It was a real minimal style for a little while in the mid 2000s and I think it’s great. It gives you so much space in the mix and it’s a great lesson: if the beat is hot enough and you’ve got enough charisma to carry the vocal you don’t need anything else at all.

Rock Lobster - The B-52's: Did you know the guitar in this is tuned CFFFFF? Did you know this song is nearly 7 minutes long? Did you know The B-52s had a hit with this and then didn’t have another hit until Love Shack fully ten years later? Truly everything about this song is insane.

Johnny Irony - Bad//Dreems: I think ‘are you bleeding?’ is my favourite bit of pre-song hot mic dialogue i’ve ever heard. I love the energy of this song, and what a fun throwback it is to I guess reference Lead Belly’s ancient song about doing cocaine Take A Whiff On Me for a new modern twist on a song about doing cocaine.

Girls On Film - Duran Duran: Have you ever noticed how the bass in this song is absolutely popping off? It rocks. I listened to just the isolated bass track on youtube the other day and it’s my new favourite song. I’m having a big moment with this early eighties art-funk thing where someone figured out you could put huge funky basslines into rock music and completely changed the game.  

Love - Lana Del Rey: I figured out this month that my vocal range seems to be just Lana Del Rey but an octave lower which is absolutely great news for anyone that wants to hear me sing this song in a cowboy voice in my car.

Want You In My Room - Carly Rae Jepsen: I am absolutely in love with this song and also absolutely furious at it. Absolutely in love with the way it’s written like a duet with herself, trading lines and overlapping and harmonising. The big ascending guitar line that leads into the chorus. I love how horny the lyrics are, I love the very 80s robot voice in the chorus who also wants to fuck. It’s just phenomenal, which brings me to the the think that makes me so furious: this song just fades out? After the second chorus just as the saxophone comes in? Just as it’s getting good???

Genevieve (Unfinished) - Jai Paul: It's just unbelievable how good this sounds. The bass sound. The way the whole mix seems to float around. The cuts to silence that feel like someone took a razor randomly to the master. It all culminates in this frenetic nervous energy that feels like the song could just fall apart and stop at any point. And it does! It just fades to silence and then comes back in as a totally different song near the end before fading away again.

Elephant Talk - King Crimson: King Crimson is on Spotify now and I’m comically striking them off my list of Bands I Have A Grudge Against For Not Being On Spotify. It’s always kind of surprised me that for someone who loved The Mars Volta as much as I did I never really had a big King Crimson phase. I always liked them fine, and I love this song, but I never really sat down and gave them a proper listen. Maybe now they’re on streaming that’s all about to change and my girlfriend will have to suffer accordingly.

Kids In The Dark - Bat For Lashes: Very excited for Bat For Lashes next album if this is an indication of the direction. She's always had a very hazy 80s feeling, so purposefully leaning into it is only going to be great.

CHORDS For Organ - Ellen Arkbro: My favourite lady is back with 15 minutes of rock solid chords. Something I've been thinking recently in regards to Ellen Arkbro and Holly Herndon is people who make pretentious art unpretentiously, truly believing in their process and outcomes but very aware  of and fine with the fact that it's silly, useless or unlistenable to anyone who's not interested. Ellen Arkbro posted a photo of an organ on instagram the other day and wrote "turned out this was one of the biggest instruments in berlin and it was also connected up to two other organs in the same space. Despite that I ended up playing an extremely quiet version of my music. I don't really know how that happened. I will play a louder version in st giles cripple gate in london this saturday if you're around" She posts like Courtney Barnett about her experimental organ drone music, I just love it. As for the music itself I don't really know how to explain this other than if you let it it can be extremely overwhelming. It's also the closest I've come musically to Malevich's Black Square and how I feel about that, which is hard to explain properly other that to say I love it.

SWIM - Holly Herndon: I'm obsessed with this Holly Herndon album. It's just amazing though I think the marketing and a lot of the writing about it is sort of.. misleading? There's a lot of emphasis being put on the machine learning and AI aspects of it, which as undoubtedly good and cool as they are, are sort of overshadowing what's so good about this in a simple way which is that it's just choral music for the future. It feels like it reaches so far back and so far forward at the same time it's incredible.

Too Real/Television Screens - Fontaines D.C.: I really had to stop myself from putting the whole Fontaines DC album on here because quite literally every single song on this is amazing. Just when you think guitar music is well and truly dead it pulls you back in!! Also the way he says 'aaa' at the start of Too Real just absolutely kills me.

Dangerous Match Ten - Scientist: I forget where I read it but some bass player was saying she learned to play by listening to Scientist albums, and so that made me listen to Scientist for the first time and go on a long dub trail and have a very good and dangerous day where I thought “..what if I become a dub guy?”. It’s very good. I don’t know anything about dub really, we don’t really have the jamaican population here for it to have any cultural currency like it does in america and the UK so my biggest exposure is the Dub radio station from GTA III and San Andreas which I’m now learning was mostly made up of Scientist songs anyway. Anyway dub is good, please keep an eye one me and watch as this playlist evolves into me becoming an evangelical dub guy over the next few months and start calling everyone m’brethren in a racist way.

Lipitor - Longmont Potion Castle: Lipitor. This is unfortunately unavailable on Australian spotify which is a crime but if you're from anywhere else please enjoy.

A Lot’s Gonna Change/ Andromeda - Weyes Blood: I am having such a time with this Weyes Blood album. Yesterday I spent all day playing A Lot’s Gonna Change over and over and over and today I spent all day listening to Andromeda over and over and learning how to play it. I suspect this will happen to me with the entire album, it has a complete hold over me.

I’ve listened to Weyes Blood before and she’s never really grabbed me and so it took a lot of people rhapsodising about this one to get me to give it a go and I’m so glad I finally did. This album really took me by surprise, and looking back now I love the development of her sound: from her original spacy noisy thing to the bonafide soft rock of Front Row Seat To Earth to this - an expensive sounding 70s singer songwriter pop album of absolutely devastating beauty and inventiveness.

Wasting My Young Years - London Grammar: I think what's so interesting about this song is that it sounds like an acoustic cover of a trance song. I don't really know how to explain it better than that. The way the deceptively fast four on the floor drums come in, the sort of adult-contemporary The XX instrumentation, the whole structure of it, it feels like a BBC Live Lounge cover of some forgotten rave classic. I love it regardless but it's an odd song as well.

Left Hand - Beast Coast: Beast Coast is lames and I didn't make it more that halfway through the album. On the fourth song there's a verse where one of these guys is doing that rap thing of talking way to graphically about eating pussy. He says lick lick lick it's gross. Anyway this song rocks though. The beat is that perfect mix of hard as hell and a little bit spooky and I love any song where one million guys do like four lines each.

Hung Up - Madonna: In the wake of not listening to Madame X I've been reflecting on how it's been 15 years since Madonna's last true banger, Hung Up, and in my opinion she's a legend forever for this song alone. Do you remember the Madonna x Gorillaz performance at the 2006 Grammys? Where she walked BEHIND the hologram? She still has so much to teach us. 

Never Fight A Man With A Perm - IDLES: I love just how purely sweaty man muscle this song is. 'concrete to leather' are you kidding me?? That's the coolest shit I've ever heard. 'You look like you're from Love Island' also quite good.

Speakers Going Hammer - Soulja Boy: I was listening to this the other day and had to keep stopping and rewinding because of how advanced the flow is when he says 'Style swift hot like it's July 10th/Fly chick in my whip with nice tits/Her boyfriend paid for it, I didn't" he's like five minutes in front of the beat and combined with the internal assonance it just sounds sick as hell.

African Woman - Ebo Taylor: Man goes ham on toy piano must see

(I’m Not Your) Stepping Stone - The Monkees: My friend Tiana (who I've mentioned twice now!) came to band practice and said she saw The Monkees last night. I thought no, that's impossible. The Monkees are all long dead, forgotten legends from a forgotten age. BUT I was wrong! Michael Nesmith and Micky Dolenz, the surviving Monkees tour to this day! And she introduced me to this great song which we learned for the band! Monkees forever!

Whoo! Alright! Yeah! .. Uh Huh - The Rapture: Somehow as time goes on this song becomes more and more important to me and more and more groovy.I used to think life’s a bitter pill but it’s a grand old time. Now that’s wisdom.

World Of Stone/Loinclothing - Hunters And Collectors: I've been getting very heavily into early Hunters And Collectors over the last couple of months.  I think I put Loinclothing on last months playlist as well but fuck it, it's great. It's so primal and raw it feels like the first caveman who learned to talk fronting a band of cavemen who sing songs about caveman issues and passion. I love the incredibly wide open sound the drums and bass have and the fidgety guitar combined with the unhinged vocals creates this really unique ambience of menace and power without ever getting particularly busy and losing the spaciousness. Feels like yelling about monkeys on a wide open desert plain.

Coisa No. 10 - Marcello Gonçalves and Anat Cohen: I found this song ages ago on ABC Jazz I think, and I absolutely love the intricacies of it. It twists and folds in on itself over and over and over without ever losing the groove or relaxing into anything easy. There's so much tension in it even though the melody and groove are so fun, it's a great mix. I also found out it's from an album that's a tribute to someone I'd never heard of before named Moacir Santos, so I got the great joy of discovering his music via this song as well.

Monologue/Nana - Moacir Santos: Moacis Santos, as I understand it, was one of Henry Mancini's film composition assistants and also the guy that taught all the Boss Nova geniuses like Sergio Mendes. I love this Monologue where he tells the story of a mystical vision that inspired this song, which you assume being inspired by a vision would be of mythical importance and weight and but instead sounds like the theme to a cartoon about a grandma who has superpowers.

Weird People - Little Mix: I need more info about the identity of the robot voice in this song. What is his relationship to the singer. He starts off antagonistic: “get off the wall” then commenting on what happened to her: “fell off the wall” then just echoing her: “on the other side” then becoming her “i’m living my life”. It’s complicated and hard to explain but I believe the robot voice in this song is god. Anyway this song is a masterpiece. It’s an incredibly goofy and great piece of 80s revival that imagines a glorious alternate future where Oh Yeah by Yello is the template for all pop music.

3 Legged Dog - Marisa Anderson: Marisa Anderson used to write songs with words here and there among her instrumentals but it seems that over the last couple of albums she’s decided to stick to instrumentals only which I think is a shame. She’s obviously brilliant at it but I’d hate to be missing out on beautiful little slices like this. I love how small time this song is, it feels like a song you’d sing to yourself more than a song for anyone else.

Nighttime Suite - Adam Gnade & Demetrius Francisco Antuña: Adam Gnade is a guy I’ve been following for about ten years now who seems determined to stay obscure. He self-releases all his stuff in limited editions or on cassettes, some of my favourite things he’s ever done don’t seem to be available anywhere digitally any more (if they ever were). I remember years ago he seemed hard up for cash and he ran a deal on his website called a ‘lifetime subscription’ where if you sent him I think $100 he would send you everything he’s ever done AND would continue to send you everything he made in the future for the rest of his life. It was absolutely great, I would get CD-Rs and tapes and zines and things delivered randomly to my mailbox every so often for a couple of years and they were all fantastic. I guess at some point my lifetime subscription lapsed because he’s released a bunch of stuff I haven’t heard or read but that’s ok, you shouldn’t be able to buy someone’s eternal soul for $100.

Adam Gnade has developed his own style of folk music where he just recites a sort of prose poetry over music and it’s incredible. In the hands of anyone else it could feel overly pretentious, and he pretty often rides that line. He’s reaching for a sort of poet laureate of Americana ideal but very often he actually grabs it. His writing is great and magnifies the minor details of normal life into larger symptoms of the American mindset, like depression-era songs of marginalised and exploited people individualised and updated for the modern era. Most of the time he backs himself on a lazily strummed guitar or banjo and his music sounds like sitting on the front step or laying down in the tall grass, but for this song he’s teamed up with Demetrius Francisco Antuña for some real Godspeed feeling dark soundscapes and it’s really something.

We Are The Same - Lurch And Chief: I think it's a damn shame that Lurch And Chief broke up before they even put an album out because this song is a damn classic and I have begun praying every day for the return of Lurch and/or Chief. I love a big voice and there's two distinctly huge voices in this song fighting for position.

983/Near DT, MI - Black Midi: Fucking hell I love this Black Midi album. I'm so, so glad it exists. It feels like the next generation of the Slint Hella, Tera Melos etc lineage of math rock and I simply can't get enough of it. Pump it directly into my veins I'm obsessed with it.

Take Control - Amerie: I just screamed out loud in my car hearing this song for the first time because it samples Jimmy, Renda Se by Tom Zé one of my absolute favourite songs ever. And samples it amazingly, totally transforms it into something new while keeping the spirit of the original. Do you ever feel like a song was just made for you personally? It’s a very kind thing of my vlogger wife Amerie to do for me but I guess that’s just how she is. Also, thanks to Spotify’s new feature where you can see the actual credits for songs I got to find out that Hall And Oates are credited on this because it basically interpolates the the whole verse melody from You Make My Dreams Come True which I didn’t even realise until I looked up why they were credited.

Unsquare Dance - Dave Brubeck: Dave Brubeck's brain is huge. I can't belive it's possible to make 7/4 this funky. How come nobody else ever ripped off this rhythm? It deserves to be a whole genre. I also totally love the piano solo near the end where it turns into like a funky 7/4 stride and then abruply ends with a shave and haircut like it's 1925.

Suddenly - French Vanilla: Get a load of this fucking slice of dance punk that Discover Weekly served me up. I haven't even listened ot the album yet because I just love this song so much I'm stuck on it. Singing "I like the nightlife! I'm in the spotlight!" like you're being hunted with a knife? Incredible. The impromptue glossolalia about halfway through? Incredible. Everything about the saxophone? Incredible

Maneater - Nelly Furtado: There's nothing deft or subtle about Timbaland. Everything he does is just so heavy handed and thick. The drums in this are so straightforward and they sound like garbage cans.. Nothing ever plays at he same time as anything else . It's like a gorilla learned to play and it's absolutely fucking sick. And then the whole rest of the song! His insanely thick buzzy synth lines against the big beautifully stack clean harmonies

I, The Witchfinder - Electric Wizard: I've been getting back into Skyrim because I have a little worm living in my brain and I've discovered a good trick is to turn off the game music and turn on Electric Wizard instead. It increases the ambience because it feels like if you did an x-ray of the Dragonborn's head this is all that would be in there. It's just stoner metal in there and no other thoughts.

Music Sounds Better With You - Stardust: Can you believe how lucky we are to live in a world where the greatest song ever written is finally available on spotify? You can just listen to this any time of the night or day and immediately improve your life.

Don’t Chew - Spilled Oats: Here’s a very good and underexplored idea: what if guitar music but it sounds like chopped and screwed? Absolutely dynamite.

 As an extra bonus treat here the absolute best ever chopped and screwed channel I’ve found on youtube, please explore Scobed & Robed: https://www.youtube.com/user/scottalexanderburton

listen here

[reyjustrey]

Stories - Order in Chaos (a tale about ;;musician Rey)

02:00pm, Yavin City West

‘...Ok.’

Rey sat on the floor of her shoe-box apartment in the midst of something of an explosion. Drafting papers were strewn everywhere; on every surface; her futon bed; the windowsill; the kitchen counter, hell, even the closed loo seat had a pile as a crown. On her desk chair, Rey’s phone sat on the horizontal - a Youtube video detailing the KonMarie method of home organisation softly playing. It counselled that she should only keep what brings her joy and Rey, her hands before her lips as if she was praying, listened with half an ear as she surveyed the multitude.

‘I can do this’ she told herself.

She wasn’t sure if she believed that. 

But Kriff to it, she’d have her very best go.

Half an hour passed like treacle. The same starting box sat before Rey, its walls straining thanks to the number of plastic-wallet-encased compositions it held within. She’d never much considered it before now, but Rey wondered if she had a bit of a pack-rat about her. She’d kept most everything she’d ever written - even the really early stuff that made her cringe to look at now, let alone sing - and found that she could track her life back over the years that this musical endeavour of hers had spanned by leafing through the tightly packed sheaves. Untucking a handful (which spilled half this first box’s contents onto her lap and onto the floor as well) Rey made her best attempt at dividing it between things she wanted to keep and things she didn’t. 

The ode to a very old ex could disappear.

So could these much too morbid dirges about lost parents.

As could this...this nightmare of a menage of pop, blues and soul. YIKES.

On and on this went until she had two neat piles on her right. Heartened by this, Rey untucked a second handful, shifted where she sat so she could properly face her working area, and got a heck of a start for her trouble. An unannounced guest had let himself into her space; all padding paws, beady eyes and rugged ginger fur. This was Sykes, her landlord’s frankly gigantic guard cat. He was a regular sight in the various flats in Rey’s building and, gratefully, was only half as horrendous in temper terms as his owner was. How he’d managed to slip in through her locked front door was anyone’s guess, but Rey didn’t think to question it. If the cat was secretly a wizard of some nature, his secret was safe with her. 

‘Heeeey sweet thing-’ she smiled, knowing better than to reach for the temperamental beastie no matter how much she wanted to. Two more compositions  hit the bin pile. Sykes  watched closely, then sat a broad paw atop them. 

‘-Yeah...those’re going in my shredder when I’m done’ Rey explained, content to talk to the cat like he could understand her. The way she figured it, if he was a wizard - which he could’ve been for all she knew - he understood every word she said. ‘I’ve got things in here from when I was...God, fifteen?’ She wrinkled her nose at one such offering before slipping it towards the pile Skyes was guarding. He batted his paw down atop it, lashing-tailed with interest. When he meowed, which he did then, it sounded like he was a fifty a day man - gruff and low and a bit crackly. 

‘I know right?’ Rey snuffled. ‘Absolute rubbish. What about...This one?’  She turned a florid love song’s attempt  towards the cat, who promptly  pawed it from her fingers and trapped it on the Nope pile. 

Laughter came up in Rey’s chest unbidden. She rocked back a little where she sat, chortling heartily at her sometimes-companion’s musical taste. He was a good lad really, for all his battle scars and nobbley right ear -- chewed off, so his owner had told her, by some horrid dog or other. He deserved a treat for all his help.

Wobbling to her feet, Rey made careful tracks to her little fridge. From within a half finished tin of tuna was rescued, Sykes hopping up onto the kitchen counter as he habitually did in anticipation of a snack. He dove right in the moment Rey set the can down for him; even allowed the woman to give his back a gentle scritch as she took a break from sorting. And then, almost as if it sensed the pause, the video on her phone rolled onto an advertisement -- a WAILING pulse of music, an electro-rock phenom that Rey knew TOO WELL, filling the room. It set her teeth briefly on edge and earned from her snaffling companion a tail-lash and a hard (still chewing) look. Cat and woman then looked at each other; the former seeming to convey the latter’s rueful shake of the head through posture alone before diving back into his can of tuna. And Rey--

Giving Sykes’ back a parting stroke, Rey trapezed towards her phone, plucked it off her chair and clicked past the advert. The calming tones of miss Marie Kondo returned just as quickly as they’d disappeared behind the bloody thing, and Rey wondered...Silly-talk now but she wondered, as she pinched the bridge of her nose in hopes of warding off a headache, if she could KonMarie her personal life like she was trying to her compositions collection.

[elleberquist6]

Stray Cat - chapter fifteen

Rating: Mature Word Count: 1775 Warnings: Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut Summary: Phil Lester believes that if he does good things then good things will happen to him, so on one of the worst days of his life he invites a rain-soaked Neko boy named Dan into his home. Phil has never met a Neko before and he knows nothing about the dark system that has molded Dan. Dan is part of a repressed population with few rights, and as Phil gets to know him he can’t understand why – Dan is the most amazing person he has ever met. —

Phil woke with a smile on his face. He felt the Neko shift at his side, so he stretched and said, “Morning, you.”

Dan sighed, sounding like he had been hovering on the edge of sleep. He seemed to struggle closer to awareness, shifting again so that he was facing Phil with his cheek pressed against a pillow. He had taken a shower before bed and his hair dried in an adorably tousled mass of curls. His cheeks were pink and he looked lovely as he smiled back. “Hello, you. What time is it?”

“Um, not sure.” He hadn’t set his alarm since they had decided to sleep in. Phil grabbed his glasses, more out of a desire to bring Dan’s face into perfect focus – he could see Dan’s freckles and the flecks of darker brown in his irises now – and then he grabbed his phone to check the time. “Just after 12, so time to get up. I really want to film something.”

Dan’s smile broadened. “That sounds good to me.”

They got up and after dressing and taking turns getting ready in the bathroom, they then met in the kitchen for cereal. While eating, Dan asked, “So, do you know what you want to talk about in your video?”

“I think so,” Phil nodded. “I don’t like to script my videos because then what I say doesn’t come across as natural. So, I just decide what I have to say, maybe note some talking points, and then I just decide the rest while I’m filming.” Phil squirmed slightly in his seat at the thought of Dan watching him while he filmed; he had never let someone watch him film a video before. No one had ever asked to watch before. “It probably won’t make much sense to you while you’re watching. I’m going to be filming it in a few parts since I want to play another character. It won’t all make sense until I bring it together in editing.”

Dan seemed to be even more excited to hear this. “Could I watched how you edit it, too? You know, if that’s okay…”

Phil nodded, his nervousness vanishing as he saw how eager Dan was to learn, and it made Phil happy to teach him. While Phil had always loved sharing his passion with people – the various friends he had pushed away with his Buffy obsession could attest to that – he had never had anyone ask him about YouTube before. YouTube was a passion he had almost forgotten, but he felt the flame of it rekindle as he saw Dan’s eyes light up talking about it. Dan’s enthusiasm was contagious.

Dan glanced at the notebook that Phil placed on the table when he came into the kitchen. It was black and said ‘Death Note’ on the cover. There was a second notebook underneath of it. “What’s that? Is that where you wrote your talking points?”

“Yup. This one is where I put my video ideas, although since I wrote them in a Death Note the ideas will probably die,” he said, pointing to the Death Note. Then he handed the second notebook to Dan. “This one is blank. It’s for your video ideas.”

Dan accepted the notebook in stunned silence. Then he saw the funky turtle on the cover, which was covered with sparkles and he arched an eyebrow.

Phil laughed and he felt his tongue stick out of the corner of his mouth. “I work in a stationary store. I get free stuff sometimes when it doesn’t sell.”

“I wonder why no one wanted to buy it.” Dan flipped through it though, admiring the quality of the paper. He closed it and smiled. “Thank you. Can I see yours?”

Phil shifted, feeling his nervousness returning. “Maybe later. Spoilers, you know?”

Dan nodded. “You don’t want to tell me what the video is about?”

“Actually, I already told you all about it. I’m filming a story-time video about a strange person I met. I have a series on my channel all about weird people who come up to me and say or do odd things. It’s all thanks to the Lester Family Curse,” he tried to infuse the last few words with a dramatic flair.

“Curse?” Dan seemed to be suppressing a smirk and he went on, feigning concern, “That sounds quite serious. Is this the sort of thing I should have been informed about before moving in here?”

“Only if you have an aversion to strangers coming up to you in the street, and that won’t happen unless you’re with me. The Lester Family Curse only affects the men in my family. We attract oddness. I can give you some examples. I had a woman come knock on my door once who wanted me to join a cult. A man fell in my popcorn once at the cinema. I went to a gym once where a man forced me to lift a tire.”

Dan’s body was vibrating with the laughter that he was holding in. “Don’t take this personally, but I’m a skeptic. I’m not going to believe in a curse until I see it happening for myself… although, if you attract odd people, then I guess I qualify.”

Phil couldn’t deny it. “True, but you’re the good kind of odd.” Dan’s skepticism seemed to increase, so Phil said, “You’re different and everyone else is the same. That’s why I like you.”

Dan followed Phil to his bedroom after breakfast and watched as Phil set up his camera, which he pointed at the bed. “Anything I can do to help?”

Phil shook his head after he made sure that the camera was working properly. “No, I just need to get my costume for the character I want to play. Oh! You can do something. Get me an orange from the kitchen please?”

By the time Dan returned with the fruit, Phil was dressed in his preppy-est jacket and he was tying a scarf around his neck. Dan looked at the orange in his hand and grinned. “I just figured out what you’re filming.”

Phil nodded and sat on the bed. He took the orange from Dan, placed it out of sight then looked at the camera. There was no red light. “Oh! Dan, I forgot to start recording. Can you start filming for me? Yeah, hit that button, and then you can go back to standing where you were.”

He waited until Dan returned to leaning against the wall by the doorway, so that the sound of his footsteps wouldn’t be recorded in case this first take was the one that he wanted to use. Then Phil entered the mindset of the angry customer who threw the chocolate orange at his head. He was able to forget that someone was watching him as he hurled insults at the camera and then he ultimately threw a literal orange.

Phil wanted to make sure that the scene looked good, so he watched it back on his camera, but he decided that he had thrown the orange too quickly and it didn’t look good. He re-filmed the action a few more times before he was satisfied with it. Then Phil removed the jacket, scarf, and also the persona of the angry customer. He glanced self-consciously at Dan. “I’m going to do my intro now.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen your videos. Go for it.”

“Oh, right.” Phil laughed at himself for being weird about this, shook off the last of his awkwardness, and turned to the camera with a wave. “Hey guys.” He launched into the story about work, describing what happened and pointing to his fading black eye. He stuck a ‘Hi, my name is: Phil’ nametag to his shirt as he acted out the exchange with the customer from his perspective. He wrapped by announcing Draw Phil Naked waving in the air where he would be placing the art in the video, at which point Dan lost his composure in a fit of giggles.

“Shut up or I’ll kick you out,” Phil said as he started laughing, too. Once they had both quieted, Phil reshot the last part that Dan had laughed over. He quickly looked over what he had filmed, decided it was good, and said, “Okay, I think we have what we need.”

Phil shut his laptop around 10:00PM and rubbed his eyes. “I might want to do some more to it tomorrow before posting it.”

“It’s perfect, though. I think it’s one of the best videos you’ve ever made.” Dan yawned. He was almost as tired as Phil; he had been attentive during the editing process and made notes in his turtle notebook, but his heat started bothering him again. He had to get up at one point to be sick, but then settled back down on the sofa beside Phil under a blanket, seeming mesmerized by the video that came together on the screen of his laptop.

Phil shrugged and placed the laptop on the coffee table. “I’m a bit of a perfectionist. I want to watch it tomorrow again once I’ve got some distance from it. You know, kind of see it with fresh eyes? Then if I’m happy with it I’ll post it.”

Dan nodded in understanding.

“Hey, thanks for helping me today. I don’t think I would have filmed this if you hadn’t talked me into it. Today made me really happy.”

“I’m happy, too.”

Phil looked closely at the Neko, assessing him for signs of illness, but his skin was a normal healthy tan and he was no longer sweating. Just to be sure, he asked, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m great. I feel perfect. Kind of hungry maybe.” He glanced at the kitchen, seeming to be contemplating a late-night snack. He looked back to Phil. “Why do you ask?”

“I was just worried since you got sick a couple hours ago. The heat?”

Dan shook his head. “That was it. The last of it. Phil, it’s been 3 days since it started. It’s over. I’m fine now.”

“Oh,” he said, the realization sinking in. “Oh, that’s wonderful!” Phil flung himself at Dan and wrapped his arms around the Neko.

Dan laughed as he was startled, and then he hugged Phil back. It took them both a moment to notice the position that they were now in: Phil was lying slightly on top of Dan and they were both breathing heavily. Their faces were inches apart and they both seemed to be remembering the conversation they had at the beginning of Dan’s heat.

“Yes,” Dan said. “I do like you.”

[vskpop]

My 30 favourite songs of 2017

YouTube playlist ⋅ Spotify playlist

30. Don’t Recall – KARD

I’m upset with myself that last year I didn’t put Oh NaNa in my best of 2016 list because, reader, it was: it ended up as my second most played song of 2017. I didn’t listen to the follow-up Don’t Recall quite as much, but it was the song that cemented my love for KARD’s hip-hop/dancehall/pop jumble. Whoever is selecting their songs has such a flair for dance songs with a melancholy vibe, and Don’t Recall is unparalleled so far. It’s still too rare to get proper idol groups that are mixed gender, and it’s almost impossible for them to succeed. I’m so pleased that international success has been enough to keep KARD alive, even though their numbers are still abysmal at home. Live: M Countdown 17/07 – Yu Huiyeol's Sketchbook 30/08 Other songs of note: Rumor – Trust Me

  29. Heaven and Earth – Laboum

I went through a phase in which I found Laboum adorable, and then for some reason I stopped liking them as much (the reason is that ZN gets on my nerves, I’m sorry, I know). I still listened to their album Miss This Kiss for the nostalgia effect – and because lead single Hwi Hwi is damn good – and I just fell in love with 천지차이. As far as I can tell, it was never performed live, or at least not in venues where it was filmed. I hope that this kind of song keeps being given to them, and that eventually it becomes their lead single. They deserve to take a break from the cuteness. Other songs of note: Hwi Hwi

   28. Tomorrow, Today – JJ Project

I realise that I already said it when JJ Project made their comeback a few months ago, but Bounce is a modern classic in the trashiest way possible. The styling and sound that Jinyoung and JB went for in 2017 are completely different from their origins, but just as great. Tomorrow, Today is what I love about GOT7’s Fly with a dash of my favourite JYP group, DAY6. They get to show off the vocal skills they developed since we last saw them as a duo and, most of all, their range of wistful looks. Also, I love that for once they didn’t have to sing about love and how right a girl is, but rather about having to face tough decisions as they grow up. Live: M Countdown 17/08 – Genie showcase Other songs of note: Coming Home – On & On

  27. Palette – IU ft. G-Dragon

I don’t know why, I’ve never been a huge fan of IU until I watched Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo and found a sudden connection with her that I had never felt before. Her most recent album has helped bringing together my love for actress IU with singer IU. In an industry where being honest and clever is nobody’s priority, she manages to sound real and in control of what she does without abandoning her pop roots. I’m not sure many artists would manage to make an introspective song sound so pleasant and calm. Live:  Inkigayo 23/04 – Music Bank 28/04 Other songs of note: Can’t Love You Anymore ft. Oh Hyuk

  26. Archangels Of The Sephiroth – Stellar

If there had to be a swan song for Stellar, I’m glad it was Archangels Of The Sephiroth. With two members having already left and the other two on the way out, this was 100% the last single they put out with the formation we knew and loved, and we can’t even blame them for leaving. It’s a fact that this doesn’t have anything to do with their previous concepts, but I love the pseudo-satanic, pseudo-mystical vibe and I would have loved for them to keep going on this path. Archangels Of The Sephiroth gets more interesting with every listen, and the video is creepier with each view (bathtub of blood anyone?). As the song says, we really did love them till the end. Live: Inkigayo 09/07 – Music Bank 07/07

  25. Signal – Twice

Signal is by far the best Twice song ever – it’s interesting, kind of weird, and not necessarily super cute. Obviously the majority of the public hated it, and back to Likey we went. I love the bassline pushed right at the front, the dissonant harmonies, the fact that some of the mute members finally got to sing. Of everything they’ve released in 2017 (four comebacks is a lot for anyone) this is the only choice that doesn’t feel safe and completely within their sexy baby wheelhouse. They even get to have a proper storyline in the video, which is a rarity. Live:  Show Music Core 03/06 – Inkigayo 21/05 Other songs of note: Knock Knock – 24/7

  24. Wake Me Up – Taeyang

It’s kind of sad to think that this could be the last Taeyang single for years and years. At least it’s a ballad, so we will be able to all cry together when we listen to it after he’s enlisted.This album felt properly his – something that he created and composed, rather than something that was given to him to perform. Not that he’s ever lacked emotion, but Wake Me Up has a depth that is only second to Eyes Nose Lips. Live:  Inkigayo 20/08 – Fantastic Duo 03/09 Other songs of note: White Night – So Good

  23. Move – Taemin

This is possibly (definitely) the sexiest song of 2017. Taemin has such an eye for taking trends from the West and making them current for Korean audiences, as well as constantly changing his image while staying true to himself. I can’t get enough of the elegant electropop of Move, with the bass and the voice parts creating one of the sexiest musical combinations of 2017. Taemin carries a song that could have been much less interesting in the hands of an artist with less expressiveness. I don’t know if it’s the thought of the choreography, but this song always makes me blush a little. Live: Seoul Fashion Week – M Countdown 19/10 Other songs of note: – Rise – Day and Night

  22. Untitled 2014 – G-Dragon

If a ballad from Taeyang was expected, it certainly wasn’t from G-Dragon. I’m not sure how much truth there is the gimmick of titling the album with his real name and saying that he was finally stepping away from his persona, but Untitled 2014 feels painfully raw and real. Whatever happens from now on – after all the members of Bigbang enlist and eventually return to music – this album and this song will be a milestone in his career, and the perfect summary of what he’s done in the past eleven years. Live: ACT III M.O.T.T.E in Taipei 08/10 Other songs of note: Bullshit

  21. Change Up – Seventeen

You could take any random combination of Seventeen members and they would be able to put up an incredible show for you. This has been proven over and over by them, but I think that the Change Up subunit – the leaders of the standard subunits – has proven this definitively. I wouldn’t have thought of this song for them in a million years, yet they perform it convincingly and make it the catchiest Seventeen song of this year. Also, who knew that Woozi could have such swagger? Live: Mnet showcase Other songs of note: Don’t Wanna Cry – Clap – Habit – Rocket

  20. Rollin’ – Brave Girls

Every time I say “tropical house”, I add “drink!”. It has been so omnipresent in k-pop this year that it has been impossible to avoid. I skipped over Rollin’ the first few times I stumbled upon it because there were enough marimbas in my life, but I gave into the hype and this ended up being one of the most played songs of my year. As of last year, Brave Girls have an entirely new line-up – and yes, they did deserve a new name – and I hope that they will be the new bastion of sexy concepts now that there is no real mid-point between Laysha and cute concepts.  Live: M Countdown 03/09 – Show Champion Ep. 219

19. Never – Produce 101/Wanna One

This technically doesn’t count as a Wanna One song, but I’m pretty sure that if there is a song that symbolizes Produce 101 and the rise of the nation’s boy group, it’s Never . Written by Hui of Pentagon, another of my favourite groups, this song starts quietly, and slowly adds more elements until it gets to one of the best chorus drops of 2017. It made me wish that they had kept it for the final group instead of using it during the programme, and I wasn’t surprised at all when it was re-recorded by the final formation. Live: Wanna One version at KCON LA Other songs of note:  Energetic – Burn It Up

  18. Singing In The Rain – Jinsoul (LOONA)

Looking at the sheer amount of material that pre-debut group Loona have released this year gives me palpitations. A million members and subunits filled each month of 2017, and almost all the releases have been excellent – overall, they probably were the best group of the year. Jinsoul’s Singing In The Rain was my favourite song released – not by far, though, seeing the overall quality. I was especially impressed with how they managed to have Jinsoul sing and rap seamlessly, and how the song manages to be sexy without being inappropriate for a very young girl. And, of course, it’s a banger. Other songs of note: Loona released dozens of songs this year, so this is just a tiny selection of my favourites. Eclipse (Kim Lip) – new (Yves) – Sweet Crazy Love (Odd Eye Circle) – Loonatic (Odd Eye Circle) – Sonatine (1/3)

  17. Body Talk – Red Velvet

To me, this is one of the best songs by Red Velvet ever. Only a company like SM could waste it and have it  relegated to the b-sides of their mini albums; it’s a fantastic mid-tempo track that showcases the best vocal skills of the group, and allows them to sound about fifteen years older than title track Rookie. At least, in the arc of their three thousand 2017 comebacks, they managed to go from the childish image that they had patented in 2016 to the sultrier “velvet” image they have abandoned ages ago, even if it’s still paired with a “red” song. Other songs of note: Peek-A-Boo – Red Flavour – You Better Know – Would You – Talk To Me

  16. Circle’s Dream – Subin (Dalshabet)

Dalshabet haven’t had the best luck in their career. Subin is yet another amazing soloist that was in a group when she released a song, and has now left the label and disbanded her girl group. Seeing her solo by itself, it’s actually had to imagine her as part of bubbly Dalshabet: she is sensual, allusive, and her music is weird and enthralling. I love her voice and I love the ideas she has for herself – ideas that are far removed from traditional k-pop. The elements of this song are few, but she manages to create such a clever repetitive, circular structure with them, echoing the themes of the lyrics and capturing the listener. Subin is technically a solo artist now, so I am hoping we will get to hear much more of this.

  15. Yes No Maybe – Suzy

What makes me mad about Yes No Maybe is that nobody heard it. I can’t imagine how well it would have done if the now officially defunct Miss A would have released it, instead of Suzy now that her popularity is entirely tied to her acting and advertising career. It’s also true that she has always been my favourite Miss A, so it was delightful to see her come out with a debut album that does something interesting and doesn’t package her as the sexy ingenue character that she’s had since the beginning of time. Yes No Maybe strikes the balance between being  Latin, dancey song and a more introspective pop piece. Unlike half of her former group, Suzy has signed a new contract with JYP. Here’s hoping she gets to do more excellent, slightly left-field pop music. Live: &Live

  14. A Girl Like Me – Gugudan

It is still surprising that I don’t find the awkward beeping samples in the song insufferable, but the truth is that I love the weirdness and how it’s amplified by the singing parts. I already knew in February that this would be one of my favourite concepts of the year, and it is: there aren’t enough songs about how great the girls are, as opposed to their love interest. It’s not female empowerment, but I have the feeling we can’t get much closer. I love it even more considering how terrible their following comeback was . Live:  Music Bank 03/03 – SBS Korea Music Festival

  13. Island – Winner

It goes without saying that Winner is my favourite group in current k-pop, and they can hardly do any wrong in my eyes. However, this entire year could have been a disaster: they had to come back from losing a member who was the main singer and composer for the group. Island has the tropical (drink!) elements of their 2017 hit Really Really, but it’s a bit less conventional, and the video is delightful and incredibly romantic. Live: Inkigayo 06/08 Other songs of note: Really Really

  12. As If It’s Your Last – BLACKPINK

While I find most complaints against YG idiotic, it is absolutely true that having Blackpink release one single song in an entire year is ridiculous. The only good thing is that the song was brilliant, and I’m still not bored of it after having seen it performed at least fifty times. When it came out I found it really frankensteiny, but at this point the structure seems perfectly reasonable and linear to me (Stockholm syndrome at its best). Live: SBS Gayo Daejun – Show Music Core 01/07 Other songs of note: So Hot (Wonder Girls remix)

  11. Cactus – A.C.E

Every year I end up falling in love with one rookie group that will probably not see their third birthday, and in 2017 it was the turn of kings of thighs A.C.E., who singlehandedly resurrected early 90’s eurodance with their debut single Cactus . It was the one of a kind title of their song that attracted me, the weirdness of the thigh dance that drew me in, and everything else that made me stay. They are great singers, charismatic performers and can stand the most high-intensity dance of 2017 without blinking. I am so attached to A.C.E (and Dreamcatcher, full disclosure) that I broke my promise to never watch a survival show again and I am following Mixnine for them. Live:  Music Bank 02/06 – Music Bank 26/05

  10. Dinosaur – AKMU

What I love about AKMU is that when they try different genres, they always put so much of them into the song: nobody else could sing Dinosaur apart from them. It’s so simple, yet so full of detail; it’s true that it has EDM elements, but it’s not even remotely a club song. I’m still shocked every time I hear Suhyun hit those dolphin-high notes. The Stranger-Things-y video is still one of the most beautiful releases of  this year. Live: Dingo Music Other songs of note: My Darling – Reality

  9. Beautiful – Monsta X

This is yet another song of a overcrowded production that I am totally in love with. The bleeps and bloops leave plenty of space for the members to show their skill – especially Kihyun, who could sing literally anything to me at this point. Just like All In , Beautiful feels like the refined version of the chaotic, loud concepts Monsta X began with. There are raps and aggressive parts, but they are striving for a higher concept than “street urchins” now, and it’s reflected in their music. Live: 2017 MAMA in Japan – Show Champion Ep. 226 Other songs of note: Dramarama –  Now or Never – Shine Forever – I’ll Be There

  8. Runaway – Pentagon

Pentagon have already done a lot for being a group that has debuted just over a year ago. Of all these releases, Runaway is my favourite without any doubt: for me it strikes the right balance between the trendy elements that Hui has been carrying over from his Produce 101 successes, and the rougher concepts that Pentagon had to begin with. I find it hooky without being too in your face, and moody without being full-on tragic. Live:  Inkigayo 03/12 – Inkigayo 26/11 Other songs of note:  Critical Beauty – Violet – Like This – Get That Drink

  7. Boy – EXID

EXID are my everything. I feel bad for choosing Boy as my favourite song they’ve produced this year, when Night Rather Than Day was such a classy, unusual choice for them and Boy is just another dance song. Unfortunately, it’s just monstrously catchy, and my love for it eclipses (get it?) everything else they’ve released. Live: M Countdown 13/04 – Show Champion ep. 224 Other songs of note: Night Rather Than Day – DDD

  6. Chase Me – Dreamcatcher

Dreamcatcher are my rookies of the year. After scrapping the cute concept and adding a couple of members, they spent twelve months delivering a series of metal-inspired, horror-themed comebacks that managed to showcase the members’ talents.  While all their singles are amazing, there is something special about Chase Me and its chorus, mixing hammering instrumentals and creepy falsettos. There is no doubt that the only way from here is up, and there is nothing gives me as much joy as a girl group with a non-cute concept being (relatively) successful. Much bigger groups and bigger companies have refrained from embarking on international tours but Dreamcatcher have left survival show Mixnine to go on one. I can’t wait to see what these queens do in 2018. Live: M Countdown 19/01 – Music Bank 03/02 Other songs of note: Fly High – Wake Up – Sleep Walking – Good Night – Lucky Strike (Maroon 5 cover)

  5. Love & Affection – Seohyun

Seohyun’s solo came and went almost unnoticed at the beginning of this year: it was smothered by Taeyeon’s releases and the inevitable run-up to SNSD’s tenth anniversary. It really saddens me to no end that, now that Seohyun has left SM Entertainment, she seems to be going for an acting career, when she is such an amazing vocalist with such unique colours. With even her lead single receiving little attention, there was no hope for her b-sides. But Love & Affection is a masterpiece, with a booming chorus and a surprise ending, and what I hope to see if she ever decides to make more music under her new label.

  4. I Would – DAY6

There is only one criticism that I have for JYP and DAY6: there must be something else they want to do that’s not singing about love and heartbreak in pretty conventional ways. For the rest, there are only good things to say about the 25 songs they put out this year. It was hard to pick just one song to put in the list, and to be honest there are two or three other candidates I feel kind of guilty for cutting out. Live: EBS Space 11/05 – Kiss The Radio 04/08 Other songs of note: DAY6 released 25 songs this year, so this is just a tiny selection of my favourites. Goodbye Winter – You Were Beautiful – How Can I Say – I Wait – Lean On Me

  3. Good Thing – NCT 127

Despite the complete chaos that surrounds NCT at all times, I keep loving most of their releases (except Cherry Bomb , which I hated): they were my #1 and #3 most played song on Spotify with Good Thing and Limitless respectively. I love Good Thing in itself, but I also wish that NCT didn’t keep circling around that pseudo hip-hop, trappy, appropriative concept they’ve been given a million times and they did something brighter, poppier, that sets them apart from the three hundred hip-hop concepts that are going around without slipping into Astro territory. Live: M Countdown 05/01 – Show Music Core 07/01 Other songs of note: Limitless – 0 Mile – Back 2 U (AM 01:27)

  2. Tendae – Bobby

In an excruciatingly adorable interview for MTV Japan, Bobby says that with his debut album he wanted to show that he can do more than rap, and reveal his romantic side. I had already become obsessed with Bobby’s sing-rapping a long time ago, so Love And Fall gave be nothing but joy. His lyrics show that he’s capable of putting complex emotions in words, and most of all he is also completely able to translate that in his singing. 텐데 is sweet, heartbreaking, sexy. Bobby is one of the best performers of his generation, if not the best. Other songs of note:  Runaway – In Love

  1. Gashina – Sunmi

If there is one thing that Sunmi has taught us this year, it’s that there is a life after girl group disbandments. She came back singing about heartbreak and vengeance with dark humour and double entendres, a super-sexy choreography and a vibe that couldn’t be more far from the current sugary girl group trends. Everything about Gashina is iconic, from the song itself to the lyrics to the costumes to the choreography. Sunmi was without any doubt the queen of 2017. Live: Inkigayo 10/09 aka the iconic genderswapped performance – MAMA 2017 ft Taemin – Inkigayo 27/08

[dansphlevels]

Could you do a fix where one of them goes the dentist please? You're an amazing writer.

This ask freaking haunted me. I can not tell you how many times my family or friends asked me what was wrong and I sobbed out “how am I supposed to write a story about them going to the DENTIST? What spin can I put on this? How has my life come to this?”

(Don’t let that keep you from ever sending in asks tho. I will write whatever stories you request, no matter how vague/detailed the prompt is. A little bit of challenge/emotional turmoil is necessary for the creative process.)

Words Aren’t Always Needed

Day 6 of 12 Days Of Prompts

Length: 2.5k

Summary: After a bad reaction to painkillers administered by his dentist, Dan loses the ability to speak for a few days. Which wouldn’t be that big of a deal if they didn’t have plans, including an important business meeting and going to the Star Wars premiere.

Or, the one where Dan loses his voice and Phil has to interpret for him like an extended, inappropriately timed game of charades.

TW: For light (but semi-frequent) cussing 

Dan certainly had his peculiarities. One of which being that he actually enjoyed going to the dentist.

Well, most of the time.

Daniel Howell, as in danisnotonfire from YouTube, as in ‘Dan and Phil’ Dan, was slightly different than many people due to his high tolerance for pain. This meant that he didn’t mind small bumps or bruising and that he seldom took painkillers unless they were really needed. It also meant that going to the dentist every six months wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable an experience as it was for others. Dan always left with his teeth feeling fresh and clean. What was the harm?

That was on a normal trip to the dentist, however.

This specific trip to the dentist was supposed to be no different. Dan would go, the dentist would poke around for a while, there’d be a little scrapey scrapey, then Dan would get a free toothbrush and be sent on his way. And Dan was an absolute slut for free toothbrushes. But instead, he found himself reclined in the dentist’s chair as the man towered over him, tapping the side of a needle with his knuckle. “This will make you go numb for the procedure. When the medicine wears off, your voice might still be slurred for a few hours, but should recover relatively quickly.”

The dentist lied. Because after the ‘relatively quick procedure’ was over, Dan’s voice wasn’t slurred, it was gone. When the dentist asked him to say something, all that came out was a squeak.

The dentist frowned. “That’s not right.”

No fucking shit, Dan thought, trying to avoid glaring at the doctor as he inspected his mouth and throat to see what the issue was. Fifteen minutes later, and Dan was sent out the door with the explanation of 'the numbing medicine seems to have had a small unexpected side effect. While uncommon, this has happened before, and your voice should likely return within the next few days.’

And, to top it all off, they were out of free toothbrushes.

So Dan was left with no voice, the lower half of his face still numb, and a goody bag with only floss in it. Floss.

Dan managed to get in a cab and hand him his phone with his address typed into it- his phone was on 7% battery, because God absolutely hated him- and was sent on his way. He was already almost home when he remembered to text Phil, and let him know what had happened.

To Phil: The dentist was horrible. He screwed up the numbing solution and now I’ve lost my voice for the next few days.

To Dan: Aww, I know how excited you were to goI’m sorry the dentist didn’t fulfill all of your scrapey dreams But you lost your voice? What about the event tomorrow?

And that’s how Dan ended up sitting in the backseat of a cab, banging his head against the window, because Fuck, they had plans tomorrow and how was Dan supposed to do anything when he couldn’t even speak?

—-

Phil was waiting for him when he got home.

He laughed when he saw Dan. “Is your face still numb? You look a little, um…” he didn’t need to finish his sentence.

Dan managed his best seriously, Phil expression and flicked his friend the middle finger before heading to his room to charge his phone.

That night was Phil’s turn to make dinner, which was good because otherwise they weren’t going to fucking eat, were they? Unfortunately, by then the painkillers had completely worn off and Dan’s jaw hurt to move too much, so he was unable to eat the fajitas. Finally, taking sympathy on him, Phil stopped making fun of him for thirty seconds so he could get Dan some applesauce.

“The shoes I ordered came in!“ Phil said when Dan was settled in with his applesauce and spoon. All of their normal spoons were dirty, so Phil had given him a decorative tea spoon that someone had given him. It was about half the size of a normal spoon and made Dan want to crawl under his duvet and never come out.

Still, Dan managed to give Phil a mildly interested look. Okay, that was a lie. But he did manage to not scowl at him, which was an improvement.

"They’re really cool Dan, they’re gold and like, scaly-” he giggled at Dan’s expression. “And shiny. Really shiny. Actually, they’re not gold, they’re more of a yellowish, copperish, I’m just going to keep talking because it’s not like you can interrupt me, and they fit really well…”

Dan set his tiny spoon on the table and picked up the cup of applesauce, bringing it to his face and trying to down it like a shot. Instead, a single glob fell out and went down the wrong pipe, resulting in Dan almost choking to death which would have been just awful, really, he wouldn’t accept the warm embrace of death at all on a day like this.

Dan was done with his applesauce after that. In fact, he decided then that he was done with that day in its entirety, and with a small salute to Phil, Dan headed off to his room to scroll on the Tumbs for a while and try to forget the day he’d had.

—-

The next day, Dan woke up and had almost forgotten about his loss of voice.

He went about his morning routine as always, scrolling on Tumblr for a while before getting up and making himself get ready for the day. His face was back to normal, which was good. Dan put on some of his nice-ish clothes and went to grab breakfast.

"Hey Dan, is your voice better?“ Phil asked when he saw him.

And Dan. Dan actually yipped. A full blown, injured puppy yip. And Phil gave him this look, like he was wondering if Dan had just been possessed or if he’d stepped on the LEGO Phil figurine again (which happened far more often than you would think, seeing as Dan’s LEGO figurine never fell off their whiteboard. Dan believed there was a conspiracy.)

Dan tried to explain himself, but all that came out was a squeak.

"I guess that’s a no,” Phil reasoned. “How are we supposed to even go to the things today? Should you just stay home?”

Dan shrugged, looking at Phil pointedly, like you should be able to figure this out because I don’t know.

Phil scratched the back of his head. “Well… you might as well come? I mean, you’re going to the Star Wars thing anyways-” Dan nodded vigorously “-so it’d probably be offensive if you skipped the meetings.”

Dan sighed, which he was still able to do just fine. He nodded and went to get his shoes, pouting all the way.

—-

In the car on the way to their meetings, Dan and Phil texted each other back and forth, even though they were sitting right next to each other.

They got to the official-looking office building and Dan climbed out of the cab as Phil paid for them. They walked in together, with Phil taking the lead slightly and Dan trailing behind, his hands stuffed in his jacket and his eyes on the floor. It was strange how the loss of his voice seemed to affect the rest of him; no one was trying to take to him, yet he still felt as though he wasn’t able to communicate properly.

They got to the queue. A chirpy seeming receptionist (who’d probably been there since five that morning and drunken her entire body weight in coffee) greeted them, letting Phil in with a chirpy “Floor 5!” But when Dan tried to follow, the turn dial didn’t let him through. “Sorry, I don’t think there’s anyone else authorized to go upstairs? If you’d like to take a seat, I can check.”

At this point, Dan had absolutely mastered his 'I’m so fucking done’ face, which he proceeded to show the receptionist.

And Phil hadn’t noticed. He’d kept walking along, turning a corner and was out of sight, and Dan couldn’t fucking yell to get his attention, because, well, he couldn’t fucking speak.

Dan aggressively gestured and pointed for the next thirty seconds before Phil came back, looking a little embarrassed. “Um, sorry. He’s with me.”

Damn fucking right I am, Dan thought as the receptionist apologized and let him through. He was still glaring as they started walking away.

"Sorry about that,“ Phil admitted sheepishly.

And Dan was so done with not being able to speak that he actually stopped walking, pulling Phil to a halt with him, and grabbed his shoulder, pulling him so close that Dan’s lips were almost touching his ear, and Dan managed to whisper in the quietest, raspiest voice imaginable, "Lit-rally fuck everything.”

Phil giggled, made a bad innuendo, etc etc. Dan smacked him on the arm. And they kept walking.

The meeting was, surprisingly, not as miserable as Dan expected. They came in and shook hands with everyone, Phil explaining that Dan couldn’t speak while Dan tried to smile instead of grimace. Then they got down to business.

This particular meeting had to do with new mercy that was to be released. It involved a lot of technical stuff, which, depending on the topic, Phil was either very good at or completely oblivious to. He and Dan usually split up the duties of remembering important things.

"We need to approve the styles of shirts as well. Did you have some in mind?“

Phil looked to Dan. "Um…”

Dan gestured like go on, you should know this. Phil just widened his eyes, to which Dan rolled his eyes in response. He gestured at his arms, tapping his wrist.

"A watch?“

Dan pinched the air above his wrist as if tugging at invisible cloth.

"Oh, long sleeves. And…”

Dan tapped on his shoulder, right where the cut off of short sleeves would be.

"And short sleeves.“

"What style of short sleeves?” One of the official looking business people asked.

Dan cupped the air under his chest, as if pushing up invisible boobs.

"Girl ones,“ Phil translated. "Like… you know those tighter fitting shirts that girls sometimes wear?”

"You mean a fitted T-shirt?“ One of the people supplied.

Dan nodded. "Yes!” Phil said. “And…”

Dan flexed his arms like a bodybuilder.

"Muscle shirts?“

He shook his head, pointing under the table to his crotch.

Phil looked a little uncomfortable. "Dan, I don’t think that’s exactly appropriate…”

Dan huffed. Finally, he reached over under the table and pulled Phil’s jacket up a little, grabbing onto the edge of his T-shirt.

"And normal T-shirts,“ Phil supplied. "Um… unisex ones.”

Dan nodded, giving him both thumbs up.

—-

Phil adjusted his bow tie in the mirror. There was a knock on his bedroom door, and he walked over quickly, opening it to reveal a suave looking Dan decked out in a completely white suit with a black dress shirt underneath. Dan leaned against the door, biting his lip, showing off his ensemble for Phil to admire.

"You look very dashing,“ Phil agreed, because though Dan hadn’t said anything aloud, his feelings towards the outfit were made clear with the prideful glint in his eyes.

Dan nodded in a you too. He stepped forwards, admiring Phil’s golden shoes.

"Pretty snazzy, right? I kind of based the whole outfit around them.” Phil tugged at his lapels, which were patterned with golden swirls. The rest of his suit was a formal black, save for a white dress shirt underneath.

Dan nodded in agreement, moving closer and adjusting Phil’s bow tie for him wordlessly. Phil had been wearing them for longer, but Dan had more of an eye for detail.

Wordlessly, they grabbed their phones and wallets and headed out front, Phil stepping into the road and catching the attention of a cabbie almost immediately. He stopped, and Phil climbed in, followed closely by Dan. They sat so close their legs touched without thinking. That’s just how they were comfortable.

It took a long time to get to the Royal Albert Hall where the premiere was being shown, mostly due to traffic. It was a big event, and if you weren’t going as a guest, you were going as press. Then, when they finally got there, they had to wait in line for ages just to get in, as everyone had to have their bags searched, because the princes were there, screeeeee!

"We could play i-spy!“ Phil suggested in excitement. Dan tried to let him down easily, gesturing at his throat like um, how? Then, when Phil insisted they try and make it work, they tried, and it didn’t work.

Dan pointed at himself, gesturing that he’d go instead, and Phil could guess. He scanned the room, his eyes locking on a hideous white dress shirt with polka dots on it. He nodded, pointing at his white jacket.

"It’s white,” Phil translated. Dan nodded in agreement, and Phil scanned the area.

"Those shoes that lady is wearing-“

Dan shook his head.

"That man’s white shirt.”

Dan saw where he was pointing, and shook his head again, smiling a little smugly.

"Is it one of the stormtroopers?“

Dan widened his eyes, peering over the heads of people to where Phil was pointing. He squeeeeed in excitement, one of the only noises he could still make, ignoring the looks he was sent.

"You have to take a picture with them!” Phil encouraged.

Dan gave him his trademarked 'duh’ expression, though this time, it came with a genuine smile. He puffed out his jacket a little, like you think I wore this for any other reason?

———-

They got the picture with the Storm Troopers, even though in order to do that they had to pose for the press, which both of them tried to avoid as much as possible. It was still sort of funny to think that people were actually interested in pictures of them, but Dan sort of doubted anyone in the press actually knew who they were. They just knew they were snazzy looking guests and that they must be important enough to have been invited to the event, so they didn’t question it.

Then, finally, they got to see the movie. And almost the whole time, they whispered back and forth, Dan’s whisper even quieter than Phil’s, but he still understood it. They’d been best friends for long enough that sometimes, words weren’t completely necessary. They could interpret each other’s expressions and general excitement almost as easily as they could interpret each other’s words.

12 Days Of Prompts Masterlist / Fic Masterlist / Request A Fic

[lobsterforjaeplease]

Your turn

'I brought you coffee. Please don't be mad anymore.', said my best friend Jae. 

I was studying outside on a park bench, neither aware of how cold it was getting nor that he was sitting besides me. Actually, I wasn't really mad at him anymore. At first I couldn't believe that he lost the leather wristband I bought him for his birthday just a couple of days ago. But I thought it was childish to blame him for something he didn't do on purpose. And I've told him that, but as always Jae doesn't listen. 

'Thanks.', I've replied and took a sip. 

Café Latte with extra caramel syrup. I hated to admit it, but he did his research. 

'How did you know?' 

'What do you mean?' 

'The syrup.' 

'I asked Y/F/N... she said if this plan wasn't going to work, there's nothing else I could do.' 

'So when did you two get along so well?' 

He smirked and just gave me a 'I don't know what you mean' look. I rolled my eyes at him and went back to studying. After a while Jae got up from the park bench and left without a word. Now I could finally get some work done properly.  

Truth be told, I have a huge crush on Jae. The way he talks with his raspy but melodic voice, the way his blonde strands of hair are always falling into his eyes and just his unpredictable but warm personality - it all made me fall for him. I like how he is just being himself - whether he is around me or anyone else. Some may say that he is weird or at least says weird things every now and then, but nonetheless he still manages to make those people like him and his corky personality. First I was just drawn to his dorkiness, but as I was gradually getting to know him better, I realized that he had another, more mature side to him too. I can't help but be fascinated by that contrast and so I fell even harder for him. 

After fifteen minutes someone suddenly put a jacket around my shoulders, which startled me a lot. I looked up to see that Jae was back. 

'How come you are only wearing jeans and a shirt on an autumn day like this?' 

'Didn't know it would be this cold.', I remarked hiding the fact that I was flustered by his actions. 

'You thought you are finally free of me right? Guess WHAT? I just went to my car to get the jacket and now I won't go until you grab something to eat with me and say that you are not mad anymore.' 

'Jae, I think I've told you already. I'm not upset or mad at all.' 

'Will you grab something to eat with me then?' 

'No, sorry...' 

'If not I will take this as a 'I'm still mad at you Jae for losing that wristband' and I won't leave your side until you forgive me.' 

'For goodness sake, let's just eat already.´ 

'Yay, my treat!' 

His smile was so cute that I forgot all about my frustrations of him basically blackmailing me into going to eat dinner with him and therefore not getting my report done today. After getting into Jae's car and driving to our favourite pizza place we ordered the usual: one pepperoni pizza to share. As I was enjoying my first slice, Jae told me about his band practice. How they came up with a fairly good melody and how he had been able to come up with ideas for his second vlog for his YouTube account. 

He ate a pepperoni off the pizza and proclaimed, 'Y'know it's so hard for me to think of the right content but then Bernard said I should just let loose and do whatever the hell I wanna do. After all, it's my channel, it's JAEsix, and I cannot please everyone. And ever since great ideas have been forming in my mind...' 

It's always been that way, him talking about whatever is important to him at the moment and me listening and giving advice, or well, just eating the whole pizza by myself on that particular evening as he was just slowly eating all the pepperonis without even considering to take a slice. 

'Okay, enough about me. How was your week?' 

I smiled at his sudden change of topic and remarked, 'You are very well aware, that I have absolutely nothing left to tell you. So please go on with your vlog ideas.' 

It kind of became a habit of mine to text Jae every single detail of my life. Especially the most trivial things like how I couldn't decide what to eat that day. 

'I feel like you haven't told me enough.' The doubtful look I gave him made him rephrase that statement, 'No I mean we've known each other for half a year now, but I feel like even though we text a lot and meet up, I still don't know you well enough.' 

He had a point. But I am just the kind of person, who feels uncomfortable talking about her/himself. 'Okay, what do you want to know?' 

His eyes were gleaming after hearing these words. 'Let me see... do you have a crush on someone?' 

'WTF!' 

'That's something I don't know yet and I can't figure it out on my own, cause it's kinda hard to tell. You are hard to read, Y/N.' 

No. I cannot possibly tell him that I've liked him for quite some time now, can I? Sure, it was the perfect moment, but this would be my first time telling someone and i am just not ready to get my heart broken. I looked at him cautiously. He was leaning in, arms folded on the table, closing the distance between as even more. His expression was something I've never seen before: anticipation laced with concern but mostly curiosity. He stared at me intensely, which made me shift uncomfortably in my seat. With his frames to cover his face, I could see his handsome features even more. His hair being a bit messy and framing his face just perfectly made me want to touch it. He didn't avert his gaze from me. 

Somehow in that moment I took the courage I had failed to gather in the previous months and just said it. Maybe on impulse, maybe as an reaction to his expectant expression. 

'I like you, Jae. In fact, I've fallen for you awhile ago. And even if you don't like me, I just wanted to let you know.' 

'Finally!' 

'Excuse me?' 

'Sorry, I lied, Y/N.' 

'What?', he saw my upset expression and hurried up to give me a reply. 

'Actually, I knew for some time now. It was a lie when I told you, that you are hard to read. I just wanted to hear those words from you.' 

I was speechless. I had no idea if I should feel happy or agitated about his words. But then he gave me the most beautiful smile I have ever seen on him and I just couldn't help but smile back. He took my hands into his and proclaimed, 'I like you too, Y/N. I even dare to say that I've liked you before you liked me. And because of that, I thought it would only be fair for you to say those words first.' 

'You are the most childish person I've ever met.' 

'That's why you like me.' 

'Partly.' 

'Thanks for confessing.' And then his lips met mine. After all, it was his turn now.

[florriemccarthy-blog]

Answer the Call.

Lately I’ve been having trouble thinking about career paths, or “slí bheatha” as they say in Irish(it means way or path of life - I just went to Irish college, it was great). For so long I had planned on military, with the backup ‘maybe’s being psychology, plain engineering or music at a stretch. I’ve always known that my obsession with the military worried my mum, and that being in it would generally not be ideal in the eyes of my parents, but it never really stopped my until I started reading more and more reports of both pay and conditions getting worse and worse and the body as a whole being destroyed by the inexperienced and unsympathetic suits in the Department of Defense(some of these articles were to put to me by my dad, who I now suppose may have been using some sort of subliminal messaging). 

So, to sit down and round off what I thought was going to be the definite culling of this spark, my mum organized for me to talk to my brother’s friend’s dad, a man who has been in the military before who I am fairly certain my mother thought would put an end to my ambitions. But after nervously walking into the café of a hotel in town and shaking his hand, within about fifteen minutes of meeting him I became very at ease, and he told me some things about the army:

1. The reports in the news of pay and conditions getting worse and worse are coming from front-line infantry soldiers. These people joined as recruits, probably for the most part without a third-level education qualification, which means their pay is some of the worst in the organization, and these people are constantly getting flippantly expended away on 6-month tours away from homes and families without much reward, and they are growing sicker and sicker of it. 

2. All these reports of numbers leaving the defence forces has led to a direct upshot in the numbers of cadet classes. Cadets are people who do a lot more training than recruits when they join, a lot of it based around leadership skills and qualities and end up out of training with a third level qualification one way or another. When they come out of training they go straight in at officer level. With rank and a specialized degree they almost always go to a specialized corps, like the engineer corps, where there is actually good pay. This man told me when he joined as a cadet in 1992 there were seventeen in his class. Today’s classes have a hundred.

3. This rise in numbers has led in turn to making the cadetship the easiest it’s ever been, whether or not this is the wrong mindset to go in with.

4.  The people who end up in these specified corps can leave whenever they want, whether or not the army paid for their degree.

This last point about army-paid degrees is one I wanted to know more about, as it was one of the main reasons I wanted to join in the first place. If you ask the army to pay for your degree, they will. You go to NUIG - National University of Ireland, Galway - and live life as a normal student(but in a kind of army uniform, which I guess would be cool), spending your summers soldiering. Now, I thought this sounded ok but with the plan originally being to go to CIT - Cork Institute of Technology - and finding out that you have no choice in where they send you, I honestly think it would be better to just do the degree first, outside the army. Then I also have more time to decide whether or not I still want to do it(as my mum says).

I know my mum won’t be too pleased for me to go. I love her, and I hate to do anything that worries her like this, or goes against her wishes, but I need to do this. I do my very best to serve her as I’m here, and on a personal level, it’s enough. It can never really be enough for all that she’s done for me and given to me, but it’s the best I can do. I still remember properly realizing all this, when I was about 12 years old. That she didn’t ever give herself time to enjoy herself, and all we did was laze about the house making mess. I remember her main nag that first got to me; “Don’t just yell back when I call for you; come, please and say ‘Yes, Mammy?’” After realizing how much it cost me to help, I resolved then to come when called, and serve her as best I could.

I remember being fourteen or fifteen, in second year, when my initial fascination with the army and a general disciplined lifestyle started. I started working out, badly, with whatever equipment I could find, getting up at 6 o’ clock every morning and trying to lead a disciplined life. To me, at the time,  it was everything. I knew I wanted to be the best possible physical version of myself that I could. I heard my body calling me to be built better, stronger; I answered.

In the summer of fourth year, being about sixteen, there wasn’t really anyone around to mind my grandad. His motor neuron disease had become crippling, and he basically needs attendance and help 24 hours a day. Everyone over the age of eighteen had to go to work or had kids to mind, so I happily chimed in, knowing fully well that he, too, was a major character in my upbringing. As a lawyer, farmer and stock trader, my grandad spent his life at his work, building the best possible lives he could for his children and grandchildren. I knew that, like my mum, this was the least I could do in return. My family called me to care for him at his worst; I answered.

Over the past year or so, being mostly seventeen, I have taken a heavy interest in the philosophy and teachings of Stoicism. The countless YouTube videos, blog posts and books I’ve read have built what I’m sure will be a lifelong interest. Reading Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations has given me intensely beautifully freeing perspectives that I can easily call life-changing. Without a doubt, I heard the Stoics of old - Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, Seneca - calling to me from civilisations past, their calls echoing in my soul, demanding of me to become the best possible version of myself in all ways psychological and spiritual; I answered. 

All my life, all I have seemingly known is answering to a call from someone or something in need of help - my mother, my body, my family, my soul. Now I hear loud and clear the deep, rumbling echo of the war-cry with which my nation calls me to battle. 

I hear the call; I shall answer.