#yourblushingcheeks

[hesnotavillain]

hallo it's your girl old yourblushingcheeks

just changed my user - which had been the same for years - and I dont know man but I hope this new one sends my big dyke energy for all of you lgbts out here. hope you guys are safe and aware of how much you matter (a lot) (and this is not open for discussion it is FACTS deal w it) and that 2k19 brings the peace you were waiting for. I'm proud of you and your fight whenever you are and you should be too. your though ass brought you here so allow yourself to feel proud.

remember you are loved and welcomed here in this profile so feel free to chat/ask me anything anytime. you are not fucking alone. remember that.

[hesnotavillain]

the girl I’ve been in love for years witch have also always been one of my greatest friends just declared herself for me. she fucking told me she feels the same as I do. we've been thorough so much and now I know this. I’m so shook I just can’t believe it

[hesnotavillain]

it's 3:55am and i need to get up 5am what am i doing w my life

[hesnotavillain]

i miss her

[hesnotavillain]

why am i panicking over a book i haven’t found and should take to class tomorrow (today actually ‘cause it’s 2:17am already)? why am i already thinking the day’s gonna suck just because of that? i hate this

[hesnotavillain]

so i want to decorate this notebook with some moon and space related stuff, any ideas?

[hesnotavillain]

I’m a mess. I need to do things, I want to do things, but I just can’t. I can’t and it’s making me so sad to see how shitty i look and how dead i’ve been these days, i want to talk to someone but i don’t talk to anyone. I want to go see my grandma but I keep here in this house alone walking around it seeing and thinking about all I have to do and never starting to do anything. My classes will start again and just by thinking of that I feel like crying for the rest of the day. I need to move, but I can’t and it makes me so so tired. i dont know what i need to do anymore or where do i start

[hesnotavillain]

how do I tell my mom I want to go to a psychologist? I want to know if what I feel is in fact anxiety, I’ve seen all videos and search for all the symptoms and stuff and last night I saw one that made me think I should go check this. I had one attack one time, at school, last year. I still don’t know what caused that. I have these trembling hands (these are what make me more scared) and when I realise i’m thinking too much I see how my breath is hard and heavy. And then there’s the heartache, that makes me want to scream. I’ve been always “control” it by breathing deep, but last night I couldn’t sleep til I tried something I saw in the video that made me think about finally go to a doctor. The woman said that breathing with your hands in your face, like a conch, can help to calm down. And it did. I don’t want to sound like those people that diagnosed themselves with anxiety because they get excited to a party or nervous for exams. But I truly feel this isn’t the case.

[hesnotavillain]

it's 6:59pm i've been asleep all day and now i feel like crap

[hesnotavillain]

so i got a new haircut 💇💫

[hesnotavillain]

im so broken rn

[hesnotavillain]

Eleven questions

I was tagged by @gellibean95 to do these and i personally love it ‘cause i have never been tagged in something before. Anyone who see this feel free to do it too, and tag me so i can see you answers 💘 Btw sorry for all my typos and bad english 😅

1. Who was your childhood idol? I think it would probably be my aunt Monica. She used to watch cartoons with me and it was something so important and special to me i’ll never forget. She’s always been so caring, patient and sweet to me and everybody else, this is something I truly appreciate.

2. Where do you most want to visit that you haven’t yet? This is a question that always gets me, ‘cause i have never been out of the country, not even out of my state so one of my dreams is to travel a lot, visit any place that cross my mind anytime i want, so i don’t how to just pick somewhere, it’s too random for me, i want to go any and everywhere.

3. If you could have a superpower, what would it be? I know it’s super cliche but I’d just love to fly. I love the idea of being up there in the skies.

4. What was the last book you read? Me Before You by Jojo Moyes, I couldn’t wait to see the movie but being the reader I am, I wouldn’t watch without read the book first so I did as fast as I could. Still broken hearted.

5. What is the weirdest dream you’ve ever had? Probably that one i was at the end of some stair and when i looked upstairs and there were this image i couldn’t ever tell what it was but whenever i looked at it my body would turn numb and when i woke up my body was actually numb. It was like years ago but i never forgot; i used to have a lot of nightmares when i was little.

6. When was the last time you did something that terrified you? This question is so good I fear my answer will be disappointing; i have anxiety so there’s a lot of things that kinda terrifies me. There’s probably something more new I’m forgetting but the one thing that comes in my mind at the moment it’s when i told my friend about all the feelings i had - and still have - for her. Loving her terrifies me a lot.

7. What is your favourite trope to read in fanfiction? As long as story is good and well written i think any of them, especially larry stylinson’s.

8. What’s your favourite guilty pleasure trope to read in a fanfiction? Probably the incest ones 😂🌚

9. If you were Superman, what would your Clark Kent secret identify be? I’m SO going to rephrase this question. I wouldn’t be Superman so my new question will be If you were a superhero, what would you be? And hell yeah I’m going to answer Bruce Banner/Hulk because he’s the representation of the word “amazing”. He’s not my favourite hero but still.

10. Have you read anything that left an impression that still impacts on you today? This is another great question. I’d like to say my favourite book ever, The Book Thief, ‘cause there’s so much in that book that we can actually relate with now days. There’s tons of quotes of it I will forever carry in my heart, but there’s one that keeps going back to my mind lately and got me thinking of all that is going on in my country (Brazil, btw) and in the world, is one wich says “I’m haunted by humans.” And the most wonderful thing about it is that in the book, it’s the Death that says it. There’s another book that I would never be able to forget: The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I’m not going to say anything about it, if you’ve read it you’ll probably understand. No words can describe properly how i appreciate that book. (I could say this also about Eleanor&Park, but I’d be losting the context of the question)

11. What is your favourite genre of music? I need to say I will love to answer this question. I’d like to say that I listen to everything, but my everything can be a little limited sometimes, and music is something that can’t be limited so.. Well, I’m just going to say I listen to a lot of different stuff. One moment i can be listening to Smiths, Joy Division and Blur and later i can be listening to One Direction and Ed Sheeran. I need to confess there are times I put 1D at the end of the list, even being a fan, 'cause there always those people who never listens the things a 15yo girl say after she says she likes One Direction. They automatically think that’s all i listen to and it makes me a little angry sometimes. There some bands I love with all my heart and songs I wish i could break in small pieces just to love all of them. Killers, Smiths, tøp, the ngbh, the 1975, Lana del Rey, Paramore, Green Day, The Fray, Owl city. I love 'em so much I don’t know how to react sometimes. But yeah, i think the genres i more listen to are indie, alternative, pop rock, stuff like that. There’s so many artists and bands I didn’t mentioned but I think I said a lot already. I can get way too excited talking about things I like. But anyway, i love to hear anything new, whatever it’s genre is.

thank you 🌸

[hesnotavillain]

Punches in my stomach would be less painful than hearing my mother saying that the LGBTs fucking asks for the aggressions they suffer just by kissing and doing couple stuff in public. i’m so disgusted.

[hesnotavillain]

for goodness sake, will my love not be enough?

[hesnotavillain]

you know when you love someone so much and even though you may get deeply hurt when you see them talking about their love for somebody else and you just breaks down wishing you were that somebody but you just aren’t so all you can do is watch and act normal cause you dont want to be an asshole and fuck things up and afterall all you want is to see that person happy so in the end it doesn’t matter if they got somebody else, as long as they are happy and receiving the love they deserves

[hesnotavillain]

why isn’t anyone talking about how tired tony looks in civil war