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avengerscompound · 4 years ago

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The Tower: Family - 17

The Tower: Family An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Pairing: Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 2137

Warnings: Pregnancy, mental health issues

Synopsis: With new powers, Thor now living on Earth full time, a wedding to plan, and Natasha and Wanda expecting, a lot is changing for Elly and her large and rather unconventional family. When Elise’s parents try to reestablish connections, Elly questions what being a family actually means.

Chapter 17: Therapy

“So, tell me. How’re things?”

“Good. Really good.” That was the truth of it. I sat on the soft, plush couch in Jax’s office, starting my therapy session and I felt really good. I was now sixteen weeks pregnant and Natasha and Wanda were now 24 weeks. I had a noticeable baby bump and we’d be finding out the sex soon. I was in that sweet spot where I wasn’t too heavy to do things and I was past the morning sickness so I felt full of energy and ready to take on the world. On top of that, we were feeling the other babies kick now. The twins loved to put their hands on Natasha or Wanda’s stomach and talk to their sisters until they felt them kick. They’d squeal and tell everyone how much their sisters loved them in excited jabbering. I loved touching them too. It was nice, when the day had come to a close, to relax, cuddled up on the couch with my hands on Natasha or Wanda, just feeling the babies kick. The kids were enjoying school. We dropped them off and picked them up in pairs. If Natasha was one of the pair we’d walk. If not, we’d have Happy drive us and wait in the car so we could avoid the paparazzi. They’d made friends and they came home jabbering about all the things they’d done. We organized play dates for them. On top of that, everyone had just taken on administrative duties unless there was something really big and they needed a heavy hitter like Thor or Hulk (which was so rare these days), I was almost stress-free and enjoying myself. So I was good. I was as good as I’d been in my whole life. This felt like the way things were supposed to be.

“You feel prepared for the babies’ arrival?” Jax asked.

“Well, not yet,” I admitted. “We have the nurseries set up. We probably still need to go shopping for baby clothes and while we still have the bassinets from the twins, we’ll probably want to get another two, because even with the nursery, we’ll want them sleeping in with us.”

“Won’t that make it hard on your sex life?” Jax asked.

“I think no matter what, four infants are going to make it hard on our sex lives,” I laughed. “But we do have two other main bedrooms we use if we need time away from the larger group, for sex or sleep or whatever. I think we’ll be okay. We did it with two, I know four is going to be more than twice as much work, but there are a lot of us.”

“That is true,” Jax said. “Well, I’m sure you’ll work it out. So just clothes shopping?”

“Well, diapers and bottles. Wipes, creams. All that kind of stuff,” I said. “But there’s plenty of time and a lot of it can just be added to the normal shopping list. I guess the main thing we still haven’t started working on is hiring a nanny.”

“Why do you think that is?” Jax asked. “It would be a big process. I would have thought you’d all have Wanda out stalking the potential candidates by now.”

I shifted where I sat as I considered the question. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I mean I know we need the help. Even with all of us, six kids under five are going to be a lot to deal with. But I don’t normally have anything to do with the hiring process.”

“These are your kids though, don’t you think you should be?” Jax asked.

He was right. I should be involved. I had been with the school choice and this was much more important than that. “Yeah, I guess so. I’ll bring it up with Steve and Tony.”

“Are you worried about it?” He asked.

I nodded. “Yeah, I guess so. They’re going to be trusted with a lot and it’s not like I haven’t had people break that trust in the past.”

“It is a big thing,” Jax said. “They’ll have access to a lot of your life and your family.”

“We have Wanda though,” I reasoned. “And Nat and Clint are good at reading people.”

Jax smiled. “I’m really happy to see you taking this view, El,” he said. “When I met you I think this would have sent you into a state of panic.”

“I mean, you did meet me just coming off my therapist trying to kill a bunch of my loved ones,” I half-joked.

He chuckled. “Yes. That is true. But I would say you’ve come along way since then. Do you think that too?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I think I feel at peace in the world. Like I’ve found my place.”

“What do you think has caused that?” Jax asked.

“It started when the twins were born,” I say. “I don’t think it was because they were born exactly. I don’t see them as some magical fix for my mental health. But I think everyone decided they needed to try harder to get healthy for them. But I think the major thing was the bonding on Asgard and Thor coming here and then clearing things up with my parents. I know I still have work to do, but I feel more able to accept the love these guys have. Plus the power I have has made it so I don’t really worry about them anymore. I know where everyone is and if they’re okay. It has let me relax and I needed that.”

“What do you think you still need to work on then if you’re feeling so much better?” Jax asked, getting out a notebook.

“Well, I guess there’s always been the worry about losing my own identity in all of theirs,” I say. “And...I don’t know… I don’t think it’s grounded in logic, but I worry that with so many kids, people will start worrying about genetics more. I mean… Tony asked to have this one with me, what if he stops being a parent to the others because he has this one?”

“Let’s start with the identity thing,” Jax said. “What makes you feel that way?”

“Well, aside from work, I feel like everything I do is them or the kids. And really the work is related to them too.”

“Maybe you need to start making more time just for you. Spend some time with friends. Get your nails done. Read for fun. Maybe take up a new hobby. What do you think you’re not doing that you used to do?” Jax said.

“I guess I spent more time with friends. And I read a lot,” I said.

“Okay, so put some time aside with you once a week. That’s what I want you to do for your homework. You’re going to tell me about the hour you spent just on you,” Jax said, taking notes.

“Alright. I can do that,” I agreed. “Maybe I’ll call Clarke up.”

“She’d like that,” Jax said. “As for the other issue, do you really think they’ll be like that? Has there been evidence of it outside Tony asking you?”

“Um… yes and no. I mean, they’re all very into all the pregnancies and the twins are still the center of everyone’s universe. But I just… notice when Bucky is with Nat and Sam with Wanda and Tony with me now. And I don’t know if I’m just picking up on it because I worry it’s because of that, or if there’s no difference to how it always has been.”

“Well, I guess you have two options. The first is you can track their behavior and if the amount seems out of the ordinary you address it,” Jax said. “Or you can reflect and consider if this is coming out of your own experience. If they are attentive to the twins and have been attentive to everyone else too, it might be you expect love to be withheld because you have experience with that in your childhood, don’t you?”

I frowned and nodded. I had always been the family scapegoat for my father’s temper. It had definitely felt like they had favorites and I was never one of them. It made sense that I would think that parents just had favorites and it would be easy to see in a family where genetics wasn’t what made many of them parents.

“You’ve had an issue with that, haven’t you?” Jax said. “Believing they had favorites and that you weren’t anyone’s?”

That felt like a punch to the gut. I had always felt that I wasn’t special when everyone else was. I was under the belief that I was the spare but if it came down to it if they all had to pair off, I wouldn’t have a pair. It wasn’t until Asgard when Tony said I was his person that I realized that I had been picked first. “Yeah, that’s definitely true. But Bucky said they all had favorites.”

“Do you think that Bucky can speak for all of them?” Jax asked.

“I guess not, and I guess he was in a fragile place when he said it, but it’s also definitely true for some of them,” I say.

“And for the ones you’re not sure it’s true for,” Jax said. “Do they make you feel less loved?”

I shook my head. “No, and I feel loved by the ones it is true for too.”

“Do they show favorites out of the twins?” He asked.

“No, not at all. They all adore both of them,” I said.

“You know you're worthy of the love those children get right?” Jax said.

Tears immediately pricked my eyes and I grabbed a tissue and frantically wiped them as I shook my head.

“That old bone again,” Jax said. “I’m gonna convince you, El. One of these days.”

I nodded and wiped the escapee tears from my cheeks. “I know. I know.”

“And on that topic,” Jax said. “I have some information. It’s up to you what you do with it.”

I looked at him and furrowed my brow, not at all sure where the hell this was going. “What is it?”

“Your mother left your father. She’s been living in the city. As far as we know she hasn’t had any contact with him other than through the lawyers. She filed for divorce and she’s been seeing one of the therapists that work under me. This was all passed on to me by that therapist at your mother’s request. She’s hoping you’ll agree to see her.”

“Oh,” I said softly. I didn’t know what to think. This had all hit me like a truck. Those were the conditions I set but I had not at all expected her to meet any of them. My immediate thought was it was some kind of elaborate trick because my mother had never chosen me over anyone before - least of all my father. “What do you think I should do?”

“I can’t tell you that, Elise,” Jax said. “This is your decision.”

“But you have an opinion,” I said.

Jax let out a breath. “I was the one that told you it was okay to cut them out of your life in the first place. I was very proud of you when you did that. I stand by the decision you made. If you don’t want to let her back in, even if her intentions are pure, that decision is healthy and a good one,” he said. “However, you set the conditions for her to re-enter your life and she has been following them. That is big. Letting her back in might be good for you. But only if she’s really committed to fixing things. If you let her in, you need to do so while protecting yourself. If her behavior is still toxic you can’t keep her around. I know you want your mom to love you the way you love your children. That’s totally normal. But if she can’t do that - if she can’t make up for what she did - if she resents you for that - it would be better for you both to just end it.”

“Right,” I said with a nod. “I get it. I guess I better think about it.”

“Talk to the others. Clarke too. But when you make your decision, make sure it’s your decision,” Jax said.

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“Alright. I think that’s time, El,” he said. “Remember your homework.”

“At least one special thing just for me,” I said, getting up.

“I’ll see you next week, if not before,” he said.

“Yeah, probably before,” I said. “See you.”

I headed out of the office, the dark clouds that were my parents over my head again.

// NEXT

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