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virginia is for lovers | s.reid
summary: model!reader accidentally exposes their relationship through a soft launch instagram post
tags: model!reader x spencer, penelope included <3, smau
a/n: this is kinda short n pointless but i wanted a reason to write reader tweeting abt spencer and its been in my drafts for weeks so
word count: 1.1k
masterlist
Spencer had worked hard to keep you a secret.Â
Not because he wasnât thrilled to be in your life, because he really, really was. Historically, things had a tendency to go south as soon as word got out, especially when it came to his personal life.Â
You had met in a bookstore. It was a short interaction; you were busy debating which translation of The Stranger was most appropriate to read. You must have been standing in the aisle of the bookstore a little too long, holding two copies side by side, when he had offered his two cents on the matter.
Typically, you werenât one to entertain conversation in public. Nine times out of ten, youâd get one word in before the inevitable âPlease can I take a picture? I love your blog so much!â, but this was different. You werenât even sure he had even seen your face before he started talking to you. He wasnât initially trying to hit on you, either. He was genuinely excited that someone was willing to listen to him ramble about the differences between the Ward and Guilbert translations, so when you responded in such a way that asked him to continue on, he was surprised.Â
That day, youâd left the store with four more books than intended, and a single bookmark where he had written his phone number after you asked for it. He had asked you for your name; a confirmation that he actually had no idea who you were.Â
The rest was history. You saw him whenever possible, spent nights on the phone together, and flew across the country often just to see him. You loved having a relationship that didnât need to be public, but you were also excited to share bits of it with the world.
It was late at night, and he was sitting at his desk in the bullpen, trying to finish the last of the paperwork heâd been assigned, when he heard commotion from Penelopeâs office. He figured it was nothing new; probably just some news about the royal family or one of the real housewives again, but sheâd thrown her door open in such a way that it garnered attention from everyone in the office.
âSpencer Reid,â She gripped her phone and rushed across the room with determination. âDo you have something you want to share with me?â
He looked up from his paperwork, furrowing his eyebrows. âWhat are you talking about?â
âWhy are you on my Instagram feed?â She placed her phone on his desk in front of him.Â
âIâm not on instagram,â he replied.Â
âOh, but you are,â she said. âYou are such a little liar. I canât wait to tell Derek about this.â
She pushed his paperwork aside, plopping her phone down in front of him. It was a slideshow on instagram. A photo of the most recent bouquet he bought for you. A few from the museum youâd visited together, including several where his hands or shoes were visible, but nothing that really pointed to him. He could almost make the argument Penelope was mistaken, until the last photo, which included just enough of his apartment to confirm her questioning.
âYou said you were seeing someone and I thought⊠someone from a chess tournament, or maybe⊠oh, I don't know. Literally anyone else? But you bagged a model?âÂ
âI-â he sighed. âHow did you find her?â
âI didnât find her, Spencer. Iâve followed her for years! I see her posts all the time. I canât believe you.â
He scrolled down.
liked by @jjareau and others
@yourusername: virginia is for lovers :)Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â posted 12 hours ago
âȘ @randomuser1: GIRL STOP TEASING WHO IS HE
âȘ @randomuser3: iâve been trying to figure it out since that tweet last month đ
âȘ @randomuser2: this is the sweetest soft launch iâve ever seen <3
âȘ 12k comments
He clicked onto your profile.Â
@yourusernameÂ
5.2M Followers
Followed by @jjareau, @emp.sergio and more
âYouâve got to see her Twitter, lover boy. Sheâs been gushing about you.â
âOh, god,â he groans. So much for privacy. He lets her take the phone back, redirecting his attention to your Twitter page. She scrolls back to June before handing it over, letting him read in chronological order.
June 10
@yourusername: hot girl summer is officially over. just asked a man for HIS number.
June 25
@yourusername: is it offensive to men if you call them pretty? bc this man is rlly prettyÂ
@yourusername: update: apparently it is not :)
July 30:
@yourusername: good morning text + picture of a dog that he claims reminded him of me???? gonna ask for his hand in marriage
August 15
@yourusername: up til 2 bc hes explaining quantum mechanics to me đ§đ»
@yourusername: embarrassed to say that form of dirty talk worked on meÂ
August 20
@yourusername: oh btw im a girlfriend now!
âȘ@yourfan1: look u long enough wtf girl
âȘ@yourusername: dw im locking him down đ«Ą
âȘ@yourfan2: thats OUR man now đ
âOh, wow.â
She takes the phone back. âWhy didnât you tell anyone? Or me? Oh, this is great news. Youâre bringing her to Rossiâs next, week, right?â
âI- Pen, I have no idea.â He laughs. He watches her type away on the device aggressively. âAre you texting everyone?â
âYuh-huh. I need to call JJ, like⊠yesterday. And this isn't the end of this conversation!â She darted back into her office quickly, letting the door fall shut behind her.
He decided his remaining paperwork could wait. He packed his things up in a hurry, and decided to head out of the office, dialing your number on the way out.Â
You picked up on the first ring.Â
âHey,â you started. âHow was work? Are you heading out?â
âYeah,â He started. He pushed through the glass doors of the office, staring towards the stairwell. âIt was⊠busy. I just had a really interesting conversation with my coworker.â
âMhmâŠâ You had been lounging in your hotel room waiting for his call. âAbout..?â
âYou, actually.â He replied. âShe follows you on instagram. Apparently most of the office does. She showed me your post today.â
âOh,â you replied. âOh god, Spence. Iâm sorry. I didnât think⊠anyone would be able to tell who you were.â
He laughs. âYeah, well⊠I work with some⊠characters. Itâs totally fine, though.â
âAre you sure?â You ask, anxiously.
âYeah. It was cute,â he replied, smiling to himself as he exited the building. âTasteful.â
âThat's what I wanted,â You reply.
âI thought Twitter was much more interesting, though.â
You froze, cringing. âOh, god. Tell me you didn't read all of it.
He chuckles. âI skimmed it.â
You groan.Â
#criminal minds#spencer reid x reader#my things!#model!reader#spencer reid#spencerreid#fanfiction#spencer reid fluff#smau#penelope garcia
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the person who helped today when I fell out of my wheelchair actually did a really great job, so I want to share in case other people wonder what to do. [Note: this is not universal, this is merely a suggestion from one person, every wheelchair user's needs are different! I am a person who uses a manual chair usually pushed by someone else who is also disabled.]
Scenario: you see someone in a wheelchair fall out of their chair, and you have the ability to help.
1. Approach and ask "are you okay?"*
2. Next question if they say no, are vague, or open to continuing conversation** is, "is there anything I can do to help?" Or "what can I do?"
If they say no to help, then that's the end, just leave and go do whatever you were doing!
If they ask for help or say they are mildly injured, ask "what would you like me to do?" And wait for an answer before doing anything! If they seem dazed or confused, they might have hit their head or had another medical event*, or they might just be like that due to regular disability. Be patient.
Do not touch the person unless they say to, or they are like, unconcious in the middle of the road, ya know?? Wheelchair users usually have conditions that mean being handled improperly can severely injure us, you could cause much more damage than the fall.
Some things they might need you to do:
Bring their wheelchair closer (mine went about 5 feet away after it dumped me)
engage the brakes of the wheelchair
hold wheelchair steady if it's an unsteady surface (mud, hill, ramp, wet, etc)
offer an arm for them to hold onto to get up (them grabbing you, not you grabbing them) or move another solid item closer for them to use (i.e. a chair) [only do this if you physically have the ability to!]
If the terrain is rough (i.e. a parking lot), they *might* ask you to push their chair to a more stable area once they are back in their chair
nothing
Something else
Do what they ask, NOT what you think would be helpful. If for some reason you have to do something (i.e. you can't stop oncoming traffic and need to get them out) ASAP, tell them what you plan to do
Keep in mind they might also be D/deaf, have a communication disability, be stunned after the fall, have a head injury, not trust other people, etc. Be patient and treat them as a person with autonomy and agency! They might need to just sit on the ground for a few minutes to recover before trying to get back in their chair. They might want everyone to leave them alone. They might ask you to call someone specific. Their chair might have broken and that can be extremely distressing. All of this is like if your legs spontaneously stop working when you're out and about!
A lot of wheelchair users (NOT ALL) have ways to get into their chair on their own once the chair is close enough and brakes engaged (but it's hard from the ground!). Here's what brakes look like on a lot of manual wheelchairs, in case they ask you to lock the brakes. They're levers on each side and pushing the lever pushes a bar against the wheel to hold it still.
ID: A manual wheelchair with the brake levels circled in red and labeled "user brake levers"
*There is also the possibility of course that a person fell out of their chair due to a seizure or other medical event, so that is why it is important to ask if they are okay. If you saw them hit their head, tell them so. If they had a medical event, follow protocol for that, I'm not gonna get into it here (thought I could).
**sometimes a person will be clear after the first question i.e. "I'm all good thanks" clearly means they do not need you to ask another question, you can just leave them alone. Keep walking and don't stare. A lot of the time people will be a bit banged up but be totally fine and able to manage on their own.
TLDR: Ask the wheelchair user if they're okay, then what they need, and then do exactly that, including leaving them alone. Thanks!
#obviously some people will just be fine and can do it themselves#but for those of us who cannot! thank you for helping#pretty simple honestly. just ask what they need and then do that thing!#don't make assumptions and don't touch them in any way unless they tell you how to#no one piss on the poor please#i know this doesn't cover everyone#no post in the world can#and im a communication disabled person#trying to process falling out of my chair today. lol.#wheelchair#wheelchair tag#wheelchair user#isaacfloofs talk#disability blogging#disability#obviously if a person falls out of a power chair you cant just move it super easy esspecially if the reason is that it got stuck#(power chairs often weigh about 300+lbs)#anyway
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Yall will do anything but actually take responsibility for what you've created. Fanon is literally that. Canon crested by fans. They're all headcanons created by you, yes. Literally you, the person reading this that has written fanfic and drawn comics and posted your essays. You are the people writing stories and sharing art and making tumblr posts. Each an every person on here, commenting on my post outraged that I like the collicteve works of yourself had had a hand in creating fanon just by existing in the fandom. You all speak with such derison about yourselves and its actually making me laugh.
You actually can find fanon from people of color. Many many different ways. From discord servers to tumblr to twitter and beyond. AO3 Is just an archive for writers. It is not the be all end all of fandom. But, while we are talking about AO3.
It is not a streaming service. It is not youtube. The works there are not paid for. They are made by you and me and a billion other people who only want to share their art. THEY ARE YOUR PEERS, NOT A CONGLOMERATE. This whole response makes it sound like you're all complaining about the fucking disney channel queerbaiting you again. If YOU want more Babs stories. Write them. You dont want racist tropes in your fanfiction? Well howdy do you've already proven you can both write and post to the internet just by responding to this post. Write. Create. Build. Just like the rest of us normal people did when we added onto the fandom. If you want Cass to be more present in stories, write those. Jesus christ yall. This is YOUR baby you're trying to throw out with the bathwater.
At the end of the day, you need to step back and realize that if someone is telling you they like your work and the community you built with your own bare hands. Maybe say, hell yeah. Im glad you like it, instead of acting like you're above your own hard damn work.
Also. As a side note. Im an indigenous trans person. I understand what it means to desperately want to see representation for me and to know that i will likely never be able to make it a reality in any canon works. I find that fanon is more likely to be written by people of color, disabled people and queer people than canon will ever be. Fandom is a bigger and more diverse collective than canon. Which makes me love it more. Because I can have my voice heard. Because you can have your voice heard.
Its new and its beautiful and its ever changing and its so, so much better than almost 100 years of writers having to sanitize themselves for the capitalist elite who need every batboy to look the same and cant let gay characters exist without making it tragic or retconning it every two seconds.
In the end all I can say is this
Fanon is beautiful.
Fanon has more for me than canon does. Likely, if you are not white, not straight, not cis or not able bodied, it also has more for you than canon ever will.
You all deserve to love your community too. If there are racists. Well fuck man, do what everyone else is doing by drowning them out with your own, obviously not problematic the sligtest, content. So go. Fix what youre complaing about. But realize that you are part of the problem. You are part of the collective you are angrily decrying and nothing you can say will change anything unless you put your hands to paper and actually start working for the changes you want to see.
Hot take but I prefer fanon Batfam to Canon batfam because at least fanon does its best to give each of the batfam very distinct personalities and looks.
I love living in a world where blue eyed black haired white boy doesn't describe half the group, ya know?
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Benâs Big BL Blurb 2: Fall is Finally Here
I am simply too busy with worth, family, other hobbies, and life to write about every show in real time anymore. Iâm sorry to all the Stray Thoughts readers whoâve reached out about whether I would pick that back up, and I simply just do not have the time to do them anymore. Instead, Iâll try to do one of these as often as I can to catch up on things.
First, letâs go over some shows I finished recently that I donât think I wrote much about.
First Note of Love
I was so happy to see Michael back on screen, and I was glad to see that heâs still able to get great chemistry with his co-star. Unfortunately, I donât think this show was very coherent, so I didnât get a lot out of it emotionally. It was a pretty inoffensive watch overall, and thus an easy show to put on without having to work through too much. I liked the work between everyone, and Mei Lei was such a fun character. Probably wonât return to this one, though.Â
Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo
This is probably the show of the year for me. Thereâs so much I loved about this show. I loved that the characters had sex, but were neither rewarded nor punished for it; their sex didnât solve any problems. I also really love how this show explored how childhood trauma expresses in two different kinds of boys, and I love that we got to see a bully reckon with his actions and get closure. I love that this show ended with them being kinda poor, but happy together. I love how messed up they both were about everything. I loved that Juyeong wasnât stupid, and could read what was going on.
I clearly need to write a separate post to unpack everything I felt in this show.
Letâs move on to what Iâm watching currently, in no particular orderâŠstarting with the lesbians, and then the worst BLs.
Apple My Love
Genuinely having fun with this GL. I like how quickly most of the drama plays out. Itâs giving me quite a bit of secondhand embarrassment, but I like the characterizations in this show. This new production house brought us Knock Knock, Boys! and Monster Next Door this year. We need to keep an eyes on them.Â
Haunted Hearts
Iâm so fascinated by Oxin Films teaming up with Regal Entertainment. The leads are very attractive, but the cinematography is really boring. Iâm trying to stay invested, but itâs kind of a sleepy watch. Also amused that they started airing a ghost romance right after Halloween ended. Iâve kind of moved on emotionally from the season.
My Damn Business
This show could be good, but itâs not. I struggled with episode 5 because our lead looked more relaxed and happier with his senior than the guy heâs getting into a romance with. Thereâs something missing here in this one, but I canât exactly put my finger on it. I think itâs primarily a side effect of the short run time, but I think the bossâs interest isnât landing properly for the employee to respond to.Â
Eccentric Romance
This show could be good, but itâs not. Still, I am obsessed with a murder mystery being the primary source of confusion between our leads. I was willing to forgive this show a lot of its rough edges, but it failed to handle the turn from friendship to sexual/romance really well. I feel like our guys just started dating and having sex, and Iâm a bit frustrated that they didnât talk about it really at all, particularly since this show features two different languages spoken on screen. Genuinely looking forward to seeing how this one finishes.Â
See Your Love
Iâm not sure this show is exactly working that well, but everyone is very pretty and Iâm having a decent time watching it. I like the way Shao Peng stands up for himself, and I like that nothing thatâs happened has been totally unbelievable or unreasonable (at least with the mains). Iâll be curious how the hard of hearing and deaf viewers respond to this one once itâs complete.Â
Love is Like a Poison
This show is actually so funny. I love that Shiba is in his own lawyer genre separate from everyone else, and I really like how the two of these guys have become a team. Iâm curious how they manage to resolve the scamming next week, but this has been the most unexpected dynamic of the year.Â
Love in the Air: Koi no Yukon
MAME won this year, yâall. We all have complicated feelings about her, but sheâs secured a loving adaptation from a Japanese team thatâs put solid effort into bringing her characters to life. Every character feels correct compared to their Thai counterpart we saw on screen, and thatâs a strong sign that the writing behind MAMEâs work is strong, even if we all have issues with the way she tackles certain themes. Iâm really impressed with this adaptation, and really like this version of Rain.I also feel like this show is doing a better job blending the forthcoming couple focus shift.
Our Youth
We just got this show, but damn does it feel sharp! Iâm always going to be a sucker for a cinephile character, and Iâm so compelled by the way Minase is drawn to Hirukawa. The scene in episode 2 where Minase has to leave Hirukawaâs house might be one of the most impressive sequences weâve had in a while, requiring a great deal of choreography and effort from the actors and the camera crew to pull off, and Iâm excited to see how these characters split and then come back together.Â
Smells Like Green Spirit
Let me just say that I need another Abe Alan appearance when he isnât playing a character doing horrible things to his students. Iâve enjoyed meditating on the 90s with this show and what that era felt like. Iâve liked how the show has tried to focus on how different parents (especially the moms) have responded to their kids coming to terms with themselves. Iâve also really enjoyed the friendship thatâs grown between Mishima and Kirino. Iâm struggling with Yumeno a lot, because Iâm really not a friend of bully romances. Still, I feel like this is one of those shows Iâll remember for a long time because of its focus on the 90s.Â
Blue Canvas of Youthful Days
I think @lurkingshan covered reactions to episode 5 and episode 6 better than I could, and I loved @twig-tea giving context for the film history moment in episode 6. I remember screaming into the chat for friends to show up for this when I got to that moment. This show has two great pairs of dynamics going on that mirror well. Itâs got such a strong handle on its charactersâ motivations and how they would respond to the actions from each other. Itâs probably the tightest thing Iâm watching now, backed by extremely dialed-in performances. I will be thinking about Qi Lu organizing his potential first kiss with Qin Xiao, and how unapologetic heâs been about the entire affair. Heâs being selfish here, but I kinda like it. Iâm so thankful that we are somehow still getting this show, because goddamn do the Chinese actors deliver on chemistry sometimes.
Interview With the Vampire Season 2
I finished this with a friend last week, and holy fuck is this show still so, so good. We watch a lot of gay romance because of BL, and I am having so much fun watching the show about gay divorce. I loved the time we spent in Paris, Danielâs shifting role in the narrative, and the new insights we got into Lestat this season. I will miss Claudia so much, and I have to give a standing ovation to Delainey Hayles stepping into the role of Claudia and doing the damn thing this season. I just love seeing my little fucked up gay people torment each other on screen.
I'm still thinking about Louis and Lestat reuniting in a hurricane after Claudia derided this as yet another chapter in their stormy romance.
Dropped Shows
Unfortunately, everyone canât win. Some of these shows are just too long for me to keep up with them, and oftentimes I get bored. Iâve currently dropped:
Lovesick 2024 - I may go back. Weâll see
Jack & Joker - Itâs just too long, and they just killed Jennie and a kid. Iâm good.
Fourever You - Iâm bored with Earth always playing this character type.
Pluto - Namtam and Film are beautiful, but this looks too messy right now.
Every You, Every Me - Wasnât intrigued after episode 1, but the commentary may draw me back.
Kidnap - Ohm is not enough to keep me invested in this show.Â
Uncle Unknown - How did they make a 6 minute show feel slow?
Iâm genuinely not trying to be harsh to Thai shows out here, but I just do not have the time to keep up with all of them when theyâre this long and dragging.
Thanks for stopping by, and let me know if thereâs something I missed that I should check out.
#Ben watches#first note of love#let free the curse of taekwondo#apple my love#haunted hearts#my damn business#eccentric romance#see your love#love is like a poison#doku koi: doku mo sugireba koi to naru#love in the air koi#love in the air: koi no yokan#our youth#miseinen#smells like green spirit#blue canvas of youthful days#interview with the vampire#bl series#japanese bl#thai gl#taiwanese bl#chinese bl#filipino bl#korean bl
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Isn't It.. Lovely? (Chapter 3#)
One month.
You had one month to make the biggest decision you'd ever make in your life. Part of you wondered why you didn't tell Alastor to have a field day with your Father's corpse, until you remembered that the other part of you still loved and cared for him.
He was still your Dad and once upon a time he was a very good Dad. Your parents were practically a power couple when your Mom was alive, after her death, depression fell on him like a bag of bricks. Leading him to find feeling again in glasses of wine and bottles of hard liquor.
Everyday you pondered on this, wondering if something would finally push you over the edge. If you'd snap and take revenge for yourself.
You didn't like having those thoughts. Yes, the idea of liberty made you feel elated but at the cost of the last family member you had? It was conflicting to say the least.
All that worrying came to a halt once Alastor began to solidify his place in your life.
Every night at 9pm sharp, when you were dressed for bed and your despicable abuser was asleep. Alastor used his powers to turn your radio into your own personal hotline. He was ever so happy to hear from you, happiest when he saw nor heard any traces of harm inflicted on you that day.
He soon found out that you were a curious one and a terrible over-sharer. It was obvious you never really had friends before and if you did, they left you behind long ago. You were as innocent and pure as the driven snow. Always asking questions about him, about Hell, and what it was like back when he was on Earth.
You loved when he told you more about his life. It was like he was reading you your own personal bedtime stories. Tales of speakeasies and the depression, parties that lasted from dusk to dawn, and of course, all of the completely justified crimes he committed before his demise.
As payment for his stories, you told him about your own and caught him up on modern day issues. He seemed especially interested in World War I, disappointed that he died a few years shy of when it started. You told him about your health science classes, your school, and he even became a good study buddy to help you out with your tests.
âAlright darling, last question.â He stated, a drum roll playing in the background. âIf your patient performs a forward lunge, which plane of the body are they moving in?â
You chewed on the end of your pencil. â..Coronal?â
A bell dinging made you smile. âCorrect! Well done darling, but I'd like for you to work on your confidence when you answer. No one wants a doctor that's unsure of what they're doing.â
âYeah..I just get so unsure sometimes. I think I'm more scared of being wrong than being right.â
He chuckled. âDo not fret my dear! I've been doing these little pop quizzes with you long enough to know you have a sharp mind. Confidence is a tool that will solidify your place in the career you plan to pursue, so don't be afraid to utilize it more.â His voice was so kind and mentoirish. It felt like he was giving you life lessons almost every time he talked.
On one hand that made you embarrassed. Like these were things you should have already known but you didn't, but you decided to give yourself some grace. Life was different for you than everyone else, so obviously there would be some things you didn't experience to gain knowledge from.
You placed your pencil down and sat cross legged in your chair. Not being the type of person who could sit still, nor do things normally. âIs that how you become a radio host? Because you were super confident?â
There was a pause. âWell, it was something that helped. Being a professional at what I do required more than just believing in myself. Most people think it's easy, but it has its challenges. For example, I used to rehearse my script in the mirror to stop myself from unconsciously going âummâ every 10-30 seconds. It also aided in preventing myself from fumbling my words.â
âThat sounds like solid advice.â You smiled. âI should start keeping a journal when you're around and call it âLife Lessons As Taught By The Radio Demon.ââ
A loud cackling broke out over the radio. âAh, so the girl does have a sense of humor. A good one at that!â He said proudly. âAnd here I thought you were all doom and gloom.â
âHey! I'll have you know staying positive at all times can be very exhausting.â You huffed, placing your hands on your hips in a pouty attitude. âIt's really hard to smile when it feels like the world is against you...â
There was a stagnant silence in the air as you turned your head to gaze out the window, watching the rain drizzle from the grey sky. It was your favorite weather, even more so because of the friend it allowed you to find.
Alastor pondered over your words before he took a deep breath. âThat leads to a question that I've been meaning to ask you for some time now. It's a rather sensitive one so if you'd prefer not to answer, I would understand.â
Giving the plushie your attention, Alastor's tone turned concerned as he asked. âI canât help but wonder, Darling, where is your mother..?â
Without missing a beat, you replied. âOh, my Dad murdered her.â
A sharp microphone screech omitted from the radio. It was safe to say he most definitely was not expecting that..
Not because he can't see your degenerate of a guardian doing something of the sort, he was actually more curious as to how someone as sloppy as your Dad could get away with something like that. No. What got him was even though you were saying words that no child should ever say until they're well into adulthood, you smiled. A soft one, filled with unspeakable pain and a lust for something you could not yet gain.
You could feel him hesitating to ask you some more questions on the topic, so you decided that you could quickly give him your life story. âWhenever anyone asks about it, I always tell them that she passed from cancer but, that's not true..â
Alastorâs signal chirped in curiosity, but he made sure to sound sympathetic. âWhat happened?..â
You chuckled a bitter melody.
âShe was born a diabetic and I was around twelve.. Everyday my Mom took her medicine, the diabetes is actually what led her to becoming a doctor in the first place. Every morning my Dad would make her coffee, as a way of telling her he loved her. I snuck a few sips before only to find out she made it black, when she caught me she told me âMommy can't have sugarâŠâ
When I turned fourteen, they started arguing. A lot. I can remember hearing them sometimes. Mom threatened to leave him because he was starting to grow a gambling issue and she was tired of taking the brunt of most of the bills. He promised to change and that's when everything started to go downhill.. Weeks went by, she just started getting sicker and sicker seemingly out of nowhere. Still had her morning coffee though. I'd make it for her sometimes and she reminded me âMommy can't have sugar.â Hardly able to do anything for herself, much less take her medicine. Of course he said he'd do it, he promised me he did when he took me to school..He still made her coffee, before he went to work and after she had been made bed bound..I thought it was a lie, that it wasn't true until I realized that she died that morning with a cup of coffee in her hand..â
A sour laugh left your lips, as you recalled that day you came home from school and found her lying there with blood on the pillow, blood that she had been coughing up for almost a month.
âThat bastard was poisoning her with fucking sugar⊠Everyday he was putting a little bit in her morning coffee and not giving her the insulin she needed. She was a Type 1 diabetic and he did all of it for some fuckin insurance money..â You sighed, running a hand through your hair. Before yanking it in frustration and punching your fist through the nearest wall, your face was blank and unmoving for a second not even flinching as you removed your bruised fist from the drywall. âMama couldn't have sugar..â
Alastor listened as you explained your mother's demise. His distaste for your father grew more and more as he recalled memories of his own childhood. He'd never tell you to your face, but he could see parts of himself in you from his younger years, if lead in the proper manner, you could become quite the promising killer.
He shook his head. Not the best thoughts to be having right now, not while you're on the edge of a mental breakdown.
âI..Would be lying to you if I said I knew what to tell you about such an awful situation..â He stated hesitantly. âBut I can say that I am sorry, that you had to deal with something like this so early in life.â
âDon't be sorry, there's nothing to be done about itâŠShe's gone now and I have to get away from him.â You declared, looking at your now bruised hand. âNow you understand why I made that wish. On any day, at any time, for any reason, that man could decide to kill me. To kill his own daughter in cold blood..â
Alastor hummed. âIf you know this, then let me help you." He demanded. "I cannot sit idly by forever my dear, these links to your world are only good for short times to prevent other demons from causing other problems. No one understands the severity of this situation more than you. I would love to help you exact revenge on that putrid sack of skin but you must choose before it is too late and I am no longer around..
You sat in silence as Alastor did his best to help you come to a decision. As much as you hated being rushed, you couldn't deny that he was correct. But the decision was hard, harder than you thought it would be considering the fact that you still loved your father and the man he used to beâŠ
All these thoughts ran through your head on a daily basis, everytime they made you wanna curl up and cry. Snatching up the plush doll, you gave it a good squeeze and hid your face in your knees, wishing that your Mom was still around.
The Radio Demon pursed his lips in thought, he wasn't good with others emotions unless he could feed off of the entertainment from it, much less comforting them. There was nothing entertaining about this, about you being sad. He didn't like it for a reason he couldn't explain, perhaps because you were so bubbly in the beginning?
You weren't trying to do anything miraculous, you just wanted to live your life in peace and possibly get justice for your mother. That was something he could understand. He wouldn't mind completely decimating your Dad, truly he wouldn't! It'd be on the house for you, truly you're the most pitiful soul he's come across in a long while.
He supposed he could pull a few quick strings to make you feel better in the moment. To bring back that smile of yours, full of wonder and a desire for life.
As you continued to seek shelter in your knees, you felt a gentle touch caress the top of your head, sharp claws softly scraping your scalp in an attempt to comfort you.
Wait..
WHAT?!
Quickly yet carefully, you snapped your head up to see none other than The Radio Demon crouched down right in front of you. His hand still rested on the crown of the head as you both stared at each other for a moment.
âI'm sorry.. am I dreaming?â You blurted out.
Alastor smiled, laughing in a low tone at your completely gobsmacked expression. âFortunately for you, the answer is no my dear. As a gentleman, it'd be rude of me not to at least attempt to help a lady in emotional distress.â
You were still dazed and confused about him being here, much less t o u c h i n g you!! âIda..I-- I didn't know you could-â
âTravel through the radio? It is quite possible but I only do so on rare occasions since it requires a fair bit of my power that cannot be overexerted in one day.â
Standing up to his full height, you realized how tall he was and thanked God that the ceiling was high enough for his antlers not to scrape. Crawling out of your chair, you immediately felt like an ant compared to him, the top of your head barely came to his collarbone.
âHoly crap you're tall." You blurted again. "I mean, I knew that you were tall but, you're really, really tall..â
Smirking with pride, he twirled his cane expertly like the show off you knew and loved. â7â0 exactly my dear, a foot taller than I was when I was a mortal! Though I suppose that was the universes funny way of punishing me for my crimes, I've bumped my forehead on door frames a good 50 times in both life and death!â
As you examined his real life appearance, you couldn't help but laugh. âYeah well, the heels don't help.â You pointed to his shoes.
He huffed in feigned offense. âThey are not heels, darling they are tap dancing shoes and it was quite common for them to have a bit of height back in my day.â
âOkay, Fred Astare.â You snorted as he settled himself on the side of your bed as you marveled at the fact that he was still taller than you even while sitting down. âAnd here I was preparing to offer you a dance in hopes of lifting your spirits, only for you to insult my tastes in fashion.â He hmphed, crossing his arms and legs while sticking up his pointy nose towards you.
In a daring moment, you sat right next to him crissed crossed, careful not to to touch him while he continued to play offended. âCâmon Al, don't be so huffy. I didn't mean anything by it.â
â âAlâ huh?â He hummed. âSounds like someone is getting rather familiar.â
âHey, you call me 'Darling' and 'Dear' so often I think that it's only fair that I call you 'Al' on occasions.â
âI suppose you have a point. Nevertheless, I came here to try and boost your spirits, you seem to be doing better so if you wish to be bratty I can just go back home..â He teased with an evil grin.
âWait!â You said just a bit too loudly. âWould you like to play a game with me? Ya know, before you go..â
Alastor raised an eyebrow in curiosity as he parted his lips to deny your offer, until you pulled out the big guns and gave him your best puppy girl eyes. A chill went down his spine from your usage of such cheap tactics, remembering his years as a lad and doing the exact same thing when he wanted something desperately from his dear mother.
âOkay! Okay!â He said, placing his hands up in surrender. âI shall subject myself to whatever game this is for one round, as long as you stop making that revolting expression..â
He watched as you smiled with pure enthusiasm. Such a beautiful smile you had, it made him irritated that you didn't do it more, yet proud that he typically was the source of it sprouting in the first place. Crimson eyes followed your movements as you shuffled off the bed to grab a small deck of cards off of your shelf. A part of him hoped you heard the chuckle that left his lips while you struggled to stand on your toes to retrieve this game.
âIt's called âUnoâ â You explained, walking back to him with a red box in hand. âIt's a pretty simple game and the rules are easy.â Dumping the cards out of the box, the two of you sat parallel with one another.
âHowever, this simple game has been known to end more friendships than Monopoly and Mario Kart put together. It shall truly test our bond as companions, only the strongest survive it's trials..â You spoke in a dramatic tone while shuffling the cards and placing the proper numbers out for the both of you. Once you were finished, you placed the extra cards in the middle and looked the Radio Demon square in the eye. âAre you ready?â
âYes yes,â He replied aloofly. âThere isn't any possible way this silly game could cause such a staggering amount of broken relationships. I refuse to believe it's that bad.â
You chuckled bitterly. âYou beautiful unsuspecting fool.â
---------------------- ( 2 Hours Later) ---------------------
âThat's against the rules!â Alastor hissed underneath his breath as you threw out a fat stack of +2 cards.
âNo it's not Alastor, you said you wanted to play stacks and this is how it's played.â You muttered.
The first round between you two consisted of showing Alastor the ropes. The confident man he was, he assured you that the game was easy enough for an infant to play and win effortlessly, especially since he won the first round. You then decide to spice things up by teaching him how to play stacks. He claimed that was easy as well and you allowed him to believe this as the next round consisted of him losing, and so did the next round, and the round after that, and the round after thatâŠ
Before you knew it, two hours had gone by and Alastor was determined to beat you at least once. It had gotten so intense that he resorted to taking his tail coat off and even putting his hair up, leaving him in his tight red office shirt and hair that framed his face like the scrumdiddlyumptious being that he was. The sight of his bare arms totally didn't have you blushing up a storm behind your cards.
While he was stewing over his next move, you got to confirm a few fan theories and ogled at his appearance.
Respectfully, of course.
But, the game wasn't over yet. Alastor sat across from you, irritated and with at least eleven cards in his hand, while you had three. The air was tense as he scratched his head and finally decided to throw out a small handful of 8âs, bringing his card count down to five.
Your poker face remained unmoving as you calmly threw out a wild card. âBlue.â
A warble of interference omitted from Alastor's person as his eyes scanned his cards carefully. You were actually surprised at how the tables had turned personality wise. In the beginning, it was Alastor who was calm and collected, but every loss slowly chipped away at the pride that fueled his unwavering persona. His usual smile was now looking more forced, making his disdain obvious.
Throwing out a blue card, you threw out two on top, leaving you with one card as you stated that dreadful word. âUno.â
With a growl, Alastor tossed out a draw +4. âRed.â He stated blandly. A quick glance at the clock let him know he was late for a meeting with Charlie, but formalities be damned because he was going to win this game.
You took your cards quickly and deemed your hand an amazing one. He replied by tossing out a 2 and leaving three cards left. Victory was close and he swore that once he won he would âkindlyâ rub it in your face.
But, just as you had been doing for these past five rounds, you had an ace up your sleeve. You tossed out the red âSkipâ card, costing Alastor a vital turn that could have turned the tables, only to metaphorically slap him in the face by cheering âUno!â and dropping your final cards in the middle of the messy deck.
He suppressed a scream of irritation as you did your little victory dance, glaring at you both with gaiety and pure spite. He stood up and snapped his coat back on and his hair back down, he pinched your cheek just a little too hard. âThat's enough cutting a rug darling, especially for someone that has two left feet such as yourself.â
âStop trying to cease my dancing, I must wiggle out my joy.â
With a roll of his eyes, he tuned the radio on to his station to prepare to go back home. âWell you can dance until your heart's content, unfortunately I have to return back home to handle some business.â
Immediately your uncoordinated movements stopped, as you frowned. âOh, right..â
Part of him felt bad. Not that he would tell you outright, but he didn't exactly want to leave you behind either. The thoughts of what your father could do unannounced made him concerned for your safety, but there wasn't anything he could do. Instead, he smiled genuinely and lifted your gaze up with his finger.
âChin up, dearest. I shall check on you tomorrow as always and don't forget, you still need to make up your mind about what you want from the options presented to you.â
You didn't reply verbally, but you did nod your head sadly which would have to be enough for now. As he prepared to walk off, he was suddenly stopped by a tight embrace from behind. Anyone else who would have ever dared to think of such a thing would have been a splatter on the wall and he was just about to give you a kind yet serious talk about personal space until he felt something wet soaking through his clothes.
â..Thank you.â You mumbled through the fabric. Inhaling his scent as you sniffled and tried to calm down, honestly you were surprised he didn't push you off.
As mentioned before, emotions were not Alastor's think nor was physical affection. However in this moment, with you crying lightly and hugging him as if he were your only hope of survival, he decided that maybe, just this once, he would let it slide.
For his comfort, you didn't allow the hug to last longer than a minute. Once you pulled away you were embarrassed to say the least and prepared for him to possibly scold or never talk to you again. But, to your surprise, he simply pat your head and whispered, âSleep tight, cher.âand was gone with a blink of your eyes.
To say you were sad was an understatement, but you knew that he'd be back tomorrow like he was everyday. The idea of talking to him tomorrow. To hear his voice in real time, talking to you and to offer comfort because he actually cared made your heart pound in your chest. As much as you didn't want to think this way, you couldn't help it. He seemed so concerned about you, in a way that no one else has until now.
You did your best to still your beating heart as you began to clean up your fun from earlier, only to find your cards were missing. You looked everywhere and still couldn't find them, ultimately you claimed into bed and decided that maybe Alastor snapped them somewhere you'd never find so that he wouldn't have to loose, I mean, play anymore.
MeanwhileâŠ
âAlastor you're late!â Vaggie snapped as he came waltzing down the stairs, following her to where the rest of the group sat waiting.
âI am aware Vagatha, I was busy doing something else.â He replied calmly, only to make the fallen angel more irritated. âWhatever, I hope you brought something because it's your turn for a group activity today..â
âBut of course! How could I forget?â He smiled impishly, before pulling out a red box with a familiar word on it. Once with the rest of the residents, Alastor clapped his hands together and pulled out a chalkboard seemingly out of nowhere.
âFor today's activity being hosted by yours truly, we shall all be playing a game suited for bonding and the strengthening of relationships,â He beamed, writing out the title of the game in big letters for everyone to see.
âThe name of the game is...UNO!"
------------------------------------------------------------
(Thank you for coming back for Chapter 3# of this story! I hope you stick around for the next one because I plan to make it the last. I've been so busy with life and stuff, it's kinda hard to find time or motivation to write, but I do want this to come to a close while still making room for a bit of fun between Al and the Reader.
For those who asked me to make a tag list, I'm not entirely sure how to đ
. Though I will try to figure it out for the next time I write a short story. Don't forget to leave your opinions behind in the comments and thank you for all the love you guys give me, it means a lot đ
Stay Tuned! :D
Taglist: @twistedvanillacoffee @diffidentphantom @boldlyenchantingfox22
#alastor#hazbin hotel#alastor x you#alastor x reader#hazbin alastor#alastor x oc#drabbles#alastor the radio demon#fanfic
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Iâm so excited because I got out of class early and I had time to make sure this ask was ready to go
Let me know if this doesnât quite make sense, and Iâll try to clarify, but:
â
Jeff seeing/knowing his s/o died in a fight, but seeing them alive and well two years later, obvious they had been alive those two years, but they have no memory of him or any of the time they spent with Jeff. Bonus sad points if they were married or had some sort of matching thing so s/o KNOWS something was up with the two of them, but they donât remember.
â
Feel free to use this prompt for anyone else you wanna write for :D
I hope you enjoy! This got super extremely long because I was feeling inspired ^^' I hope you're fine with the direction I took this in :)
It destroyed him. Watching you die that day was the most difficult thing he's ever had to cope with in his entire life, and he still struggles to cope with it some days even two years later. He's spent so long mourning your loss, that when he sees you walking around one day he thinks it must be a hallucination or someone that just looks far too similar to you, and he continues on his way. At least, until he hears that incredibly familiar laugh he first fell in love with all those years ago, and he's whipping back around, eyes locked on you as you converse with the unfamiliar person at your side. His feet move immediately, pushing him forward, but at the same time, you happen to drop something. He picks it up for you and hands it to you, and his eyes land on the ring decorating your finger, the one that matches the one on his hand, the custom-made promise rings the two of you had. You accept the item you dropped without complaint, your eyes also noticing the ring on his finger, but before he can say anything you just thank him and walk away.
He's so shocked by it that he just stands there for what feels like hours, before making a beeline back to the mansion. With Slender and BEN's investigative assistance, Jeff learns you didn't die that day, and he also learns that you have no memories of your time before then. You're still in the Underworld, still wandering around and joyful as ever, but you have no memory of him at all, and that thought alone is destroying Jeff all over again. The years you'd spent together, your promises of being together forever, all of your plans for the future, vanished. He finds himself entering an existential state of limbo in the coming weeks, not sure if he should try to find you and reconnect, or if he should just let you carry on your new life as you presently are. In the end, he decides to let you go. With all of his trauma and issues, with all of the struggles you both experienced gone from your memory, he feels as though it would be unfair to force you to learn how to love him and care for him again. You, however, have a completely different plan than Jeff.
It was eating you alive, the ring he was wearing on his finger, the familiarity in his eyes, the disappointment at your swift exit. You had to learn who he was, and how he was connected to you, you finally had a clue to your life before your amnesia and you weren't going to let it pass. It wasn't hard for you to track him down, with how well known he is in the Underworld and the fact that everyone knows he works for Slender, but you also spent time waiting and wondering what you should do. Eventually, you decided on it; you were just going to have to force him to talk to you. So, there you stood, anxiously on the front porch of a mansion that seemed far too familiar for you having no memory of it, and upon the door opening, a group of faces greeting you that were also far too familiar. Slender calls Jeff down and tells him he has a guest waiting outside, and when he comes out to see you, he feels his world halting once again. You both sit on the front porch in silence for quite a while, but you break the ice first, asking him who he is, and why he has your ring. You have a feeling you already know the answer, and when he looks at you in misery, tears flooding his eyes, you know you were right, without him even having to confirm it verbally.
Jeff explains it all to you, everything. How you met, when you started dating, what your relationship was like, all of your plans for the future together, the significance of the rings he had made for you, and most importantly, the day he thought you died. It's a shock to you, of course it is, but bits and pieces of things he says, you can catch small glimpses of them in your lost memories. A night under the stars, mornings spent waking up together, an exchanging of rings. You can catch small glimpses of him, but it feels so far away. It is, however, enough for you to believe him. It feels right, sitting beside him on the steps. It feels warm, and comforting, like you belong there beside him, and when you shyly move your leg to press against his it feels so oddly familiar and correct that you find yourself being moved to tears. He tells you he didn't want to trouble you, didn't want to make you have to deal with his fucked up life and issues all over again, he thought it would be cruel, and you can only smile at him through the tears.
You tell him you have a feeling the you that he knew would be upset at him for even insisting that, and he laughs, saying that you're probably right. Neither of you makes a move to leave, to end your reminiscing as he continues telling you stories, and both of you are okay with that. It's you who finally asks the question weighing on both of you. If you can try again. If you can try from the beginning, try to love him again and become a part of his life again. He smiles a smile that has your heart racing and cheeks growing warm, and lifts your hand, saying he gave you this ring along with a promise to stay by your side for the rest of your life, no matter what. He kisses the ring on your finger, and the brush of his lips makes you long for more. He agrees easily to start over, saying he'll never give up on you, but he can't help the chuckle that follows as he simply requests that you not disappear again, and there on that front porch you make your second eternal promise to each other, that this time you'll protect each other, and stay together no matter what. A promise you both successfully keep, to the end of your lives.
#creepypasta#creepypasta headcanons#creepypasta headcanon#creepypasta x reader#jeff the killer headcanons#jeff the killer#jeff the killer headcanon#jeff the killer x reader
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â RAGE HASHIRA â
Tomioka Giyuu X Fem!Reader
WC; 500+ | !MDNI! | TW/CW ::
*à©â©â§âËđ
đžđŹđ°đžđźđŻ :: (filled request) Hi there! I love your work and was wondering if you could please write Giyuu x fem!reader who is the Hashira of Rage? Sheâs known to be very rude and brash with everyone but she acts super sweet and lovesick around Giyuu because she has a huge crush on him? Bonus points if heâs clueless about her feelings for him! (I love my dense king đ€) - ANON
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It's the end of a hard worked training day with the cadets. Your presence was scary, is what the cadets say and you knew. Your eyes are sharp, your tongue is sharper and your patience? well, that was little to nothing.Â
But there was one exception.
Across the courtyard is where your eyes trailed to, Tomioka who stood alone, And in an instant, your heartbeat rose up dramatically. I guess that's what happens when you're in love. To which, you are still surprised about, he's so calm, so patient (you suppose) and you're the opposite, complete opposite.
Opposites attract you guess...
He's so beautiful, you thought you would melt and you do melt, whenever you're around him, you melt into a puddle.Â
"Hey, Rage Hashira," a voice sneered, snapping you out of your thoughts. You turned to see Sanemi smirking at you, arms crossed. "Didn't think I'd catch you daydreaming. What's got your eye today, huh?"
Your glare was instant. "Mind your own business, Sanemi, unless you're begging for a spar you know you'll lose."
Sanemi's smirk faltered, and he huffed, walking away and you roll your eyes. God, he's annoying. You turned back to Giyuu, your expression softening once more. He was looking at the koi pond now, lost in thought.Â
"Giyuu," you called, your voice unnaturally soft compared to how you spoke to everyone else. He turned to you.
"{Y/N}," he acknowledged. No more, no less. He blinked an owl-like stare that made your stomach flip. He never spoke much, but his presence was enough for you.
"I... uh... saw you out here and thought you might want some company," you said, trying to keep your tone from trembling.Â
Giyuu nodded slowly. "That's... fine."
Your lips curved into a smileâone that would have shocked the entire corps if they saw it. "Thanks," you said, your voice full of warmth that you had reserved only for him.
You sat beside him, close enough that the fabric of your haori brushed his. Silence settled between you, but it wasn't uncomfortable.Â
He glanced at you, brows knitting slightly. "You're quieter than usual today."
You let out a laugh, light and genuine. "What, do you miss me yelling at everyone?"
His lips twitchedâjust a bit, not enough for anyone else to call it a smile, but you'd take it. "No," he said simply. And then, after a moment, he added, "It's... different."
The words warmed you more than a compliment from anyone else ever could. You were about to respond when Sanemi's earlier comment rang in your mind. Your jaw tightened. Maybe it was time to test the waters.
"You know, Giyuu," you began, "I've been told I'm softer around you."
He blinked at that, head tilting slightly. "Softer?"
"Yeah. Maybe it's because I... I like having you around."
It was the closest you'd come to confessing, and your chest tightened.
"That's good," he said, turning his gaze back to the pond. "I like having you around too."
And a hopeless smile spread across your face, your head burying itself to your knees as a red blush coats your cheeks.Â
Do not copy, steal, modify, etc. Relogs and like are appreciated.
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#giyuu x reader#giyu x reader#giyuu x you#giyu x you#tomioka x reader#demon slayer x reader#demon slayer x you
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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao
#man fuck yall just support artists you enjoy#dont attack people who dont rb/rt your art (hell they might even have it scheduled) but also dont constantly demand ''content'' from people#ESPECIALLY without telling them that you appreciate the effort they put in to show you cool things they made for free#you should've been rt'ing/rb'ing from the START đ just show people you care!#im just waiting to scroll through post after post of ppl calling out ''entitled artists'' lmao#btw my opinion on the whole thing is painfully neutral if you couldnt tell#i dont think you should care that much about numbers and ppl take it wayyyyyy too far#throwback to that one guy who personally @ everyone who didnt reblog their art that was CRAZY. i would straight up report you KJFGHKG#i also understand and have personally experienced how much engagement can change your mood#a simple ''i love this!'' can make someone's day. it's not hard to understand why ppl like engagement#when they make post after post without so much as a little tag they dont care about sharing anymore#the fact that people call that ''entitlement'' is also crazy#i have a lot of drawings i havent posted or just left nonrebloggable bc it really doesnt make a difference lmao#the only ones i leave rebloggable are the ones that i Know will do well and get attention. like the little pig redraw#if it's cute or funny it gets positive attention. anything else is shit on here lmao#it's just not as fun to share. it either leads to no engagement or negative engagement#would rather have nothing than something rude so whatever#some ppl say it's always been like this but no it absolutely was not always like this#idk what exactly caused the change. probably a lot of factors#could even just be the fandoms i hang around in! but considering i've seen the same sentiment from a bunch of ppl i doubt it's that#the best solution to no engagement is to just make friends and have fun#but 90% of the internet is hostile and negative and rude for no fucking reason#when i unfollowed someone on my old public twitter and they @ me over it. damn i dont know why but NOW i know why đ#this post has gone way off course im just ranting at this point. i havent talked in a while hi how have you guys been#work was a lot yesterday and today is too slow (im not at work im just going crazy in my house)#(and i cant leave my house bc there's construction blocking the road someone save me)#chat
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baked a cake from scratch, fed the dogs and the father, cleaned the kitchen, wrapped christmas presents. wearing a beige sweaterdress and black ballet flats, hair in bun. reading a profile on hilaria baldwinâŠthe cottagecore tradwife in me is winning i fear
#im being sarcastic but honestly though i keep having the creeping and uncharitable thought of like. i donât think this is quite as hard as#my mother has always made it seem. and my father is literally zero help and she works really hard but also there was always the not-always-#unspoken implication that the reason the house was always kind of messy and disorganized and everything was kind of chaotic and accompanied#by a distinct sense of overwhelm was because of my sister and I#either our stuff or our actions or the fact that taking care of us took up too much time she could devote to other stuff#but neither my sister nor i live at home full time anymore and when we do at least i am objectively more helpful than anything else#so im like okay well that wasnât it then#and like i also get that everyone thinks they could do better until THEY get married and have kids and then you see#but the backlash against the pressure for everything to be picture perfect has turned into (imo) a general ârelatableâ idea that#adulthood and especially marriage and parenthood is nothing but a slide into complacency and chaos forever and like. i just donât agree wit#that. obviously you cannot live as you did as a single person or a non parent but the prevailing image of parenthood i see advertised as#ârealisticâ is one where everyone is constantly exhausted unhappy and living in filth#i See a question from a woman asking how to SURVIVE nine whole days of winter break with her children. SURVIVE? wtf?#i do think parents of today spend too much time with their children and thatâs part of the issue but also like. i cannot believe that#everything is as thoroughly and completely awful as it is pretty much always portrayed nowadays#and how i see it reflected at me. and this isnât like a housewives donât work aaaa thing because no.#but like. when i see people being like you canât expect your sahm to get the laundry done OR dinner made OR the house clean on a consistent#basis EVER i am kind of likeâŠ..but literally what are you doing then if none of those things??#cause unless you homeschool or have literal infants (whole different ballgame) then likeâŠwhat are you doing#maybe an unpopular opinion but I think a lot of women are bad at being housewives. because it is a skill that women used to study and learn#and now itâs not but itâs still the most important job in society#so we took away all the instruction manuals for the backbone of society and now who comes the closest to approximating an educational resou#? influencers. which is horrible because any person you are taking advice from on Instagram is someone with a public Instagram account#which automatically makes them odd and untrustworthy and not someone at least I would want to emulate.#my mother doesnât apply to this she is a great homemaker her issues are (1) time management (2) fatigue (3) starts too many projects#but i digress#i suppose i shouldnât say that I reject the idea children turn your life to chaos because I donât. but I do reject the idea that#the chaos of parenthood sentences everyone to a perpetual state of overwhelm and reactivity#that simply has never been the case for people in any time period before now even when raising children and the daily business of living wa#far more labor intensive
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If only comic artists understood how little effort they have to put into their work for their fans to continue to fall in love with them.
#I'm not saying that would be particularly good#we only get better if you practice and the constant hating of one's own artwork is what gives many artists the motivation to keep practicing#I'm just saying#how many times I've fallen in love with a newly submitted comic thinking it is perfection#and the artist grumbling because they had to forgo a normal finishing touch and 'sorry it's not as polished'#wouldn't have noticedâ and if I did notice I would have seen it is as an intentional choice and better than past work#and what's crazy is that artists fundamentally know how what we see in our heads is not going to match up to reality#especially commissioning artists who have to deal with the customers who are never happy with the resultâ not fully#and that's because we take images and morph them in our head#the people who notice tiny differences in an artist's work enough to criticize themâ that is a specialized hobby of theirs#everyone else takes your image and let's their imagination take over and entertain themselves#keep working hard and bettering your craft but man if only you guys knew how much less you had to do to impress your fans
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The weird thing about being disabled is that I donât feel disabled.
#this is about adhd and bad eye sight#but it can apply to anything#and itâs also about being a Christian#my religion says god will heal all my ailments#but my eyes still need glasses#and adhd is not a thing that needs to be cured#but boy howdy the church sure does preach it#maybe thatâs the point tho#i donât think I need a curing so god doesnât make my eyes perfect and letâs my brain work the way it works#but also Iâm fearfully and wonderfully made by gods hands but my brain works differently than most peoples#itâs such a conflicting mess#Iâm functional so therfore I canât be adhd#according to the church#but I am not functioning thatâs the thing#nothing is easy and Iâm tired of trying 10x harder than everyone else to do simple tasks#Iâm just tired#in the end isnât it easier to just not think about this stuff#especially if you bring my sexuality into it#hard to be a Christian when everything your taught says god hates you I guess#ahhh the Christian trauma
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ughhhh my coworker who i have to sit stupidly close to just tested positive. and he literally messaged me this morning hemming and hawing about coming in, but he didn't want to waste his pto. he shouldve fuckin stayed home. and the county literally just lifted the mask mandate for doctors offices on monday afternoon. if i get sick i'm gonna be so fuckin pissed
#i've gotten four shots so far and i double mask at work so hooooopefully i'll be okay.#personal#i'm just so tired of this#i mean like i know everyone else is too blah blah blah#but like.... my disabilities make it hard enough already#i don't know what will happen if my precarious balance gets thrown off by something new#every time i think about being afraid of getting sick i just think of how#at the very very start of the pandemic my dad was so fucking paranoid#like 'quit your job and make sure you have 2months worth of food' paranoid#but then a few months later once i'd been in lock down for a while#and i told him about how someone i followed here was so very very afraid#he acted like i was insane#that being afraid to get sick was so irrational to the point my mental health was what was endangering me#and he's been able bodied his whole life (and is only just starting to get to the point where his body can't kee up anymore)#and he's never believed me about my disabilities anyway....#and i think of how i had swine flu at 16 and how it just fucked me up for so long....#and set in motion a cascade of so many other things that took more than half a decade to recover from...#i know things are different now but i don't want to go through that again#(also i'm uh... i'm anticipating his letter soon and i'm trying very hard to remind myself of the pain he caused me#so that when that letter comes i don't take it so black and white. i need to remember the gray)
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Actually, things that give you joy matter more than ever in times of horror, and without joy, revolution is meaningless.
Hey hi if you feel you are living in a state of constant horror, then it is more vital than ever to take comfort from wherever you can find it as often as you can.
The idea that the truest and more morally pure form of existence is constant austere self-sacrifice - holding off your own joy and happiness until all the world is righted - is a terribly handy idea for keeping capitalism alive.
Humans need leisure to be healthy.
And yet many of us feel we are the last person who deserves rest. I certainly used to. I still have to remind myself every day that I deserve to be okay.
And guess what?
The idea that some people deserve rest and leisure inherently more than others is one of the capitalist lies that got the world into this mess.
When my wife writes stories of revolution, she makes a point to include a joy in the rebel groups. The rebels party! they taste life! they have community!
They aren't fighting for vague ideas of justice and obligation and goodness, but rather to protect what they love. And in order to do that, they first must have things they love!
You need things to love or you will wither. And then you will need more help than you are able to give. And you'll deserve that help then too.
Your first mission of saving someone must be yourself; there is no other way.
Small joys have the power to keep people alive through Hell.
Every single step you take towards separating joy from shame, you take a step towards freedom.
If you feel like you are at your absolute limit, there's a good fucking chance you are. And at that point, shame becomes very very dangerous.
Listen. I used to believe if I just pushed myself hard enough, I could do anything and therefore I felt it was irresponsible and even cruel of me to rest.
This attitude crippled me.
I mean literally crippled me. My whole life, I wouldn't stop for joy or rest or healing or anything. I thought I could save everyone, which meant it was somehow my fault for not doing that yet.
And eventually I developed fibromyalgia from pushing my nervous system to its breaking point. It broke my body. I don't blame myself for pushing so hard in a world that kept demanding just that. But I do hope to tell people the things I wish I had heard.
Comrades, many of us are fighting for the right to rest. I fight for my own and for yours.
So if you feel like you are barely hanging on, then I am dead fucking serious when I say the best thing you can do for me and for this world is to get as much rest and healing as you possibly can.
Enjoy as many small and silly fixations as you can find.
Do every single thing you can to make your life worth living as long as you are not actively harming innocent people
Not having time and energy to help more does NOT equal harm!
You are a growing tree and if you try to hold too much before your branches are strong enough, you could snap. And if you try to hold up the sky alone, it could kill you.
When you are stronger, you can share from your excess time and strength and energy: you can go out and advocate and help people and become a supporting pillar in a loving community!
Your growth and thriving can do so much more good for the world than your misery ever could!
Hell, I am fighting so you will suffer less.
So what good does your sacrifice do me if you are just hurting yourself in the exact way I want to sacrifice myself to help YOU? When does it end?
Where are we when only the most "deserving" are allowed to rest?
Why is it morally better to suffer more?? In fact, Catholicism can suck it:
Martyrdom is a bad goal and an even poorer gift.
And I don't want it. I won't accept it.
I want you alive.
I want you enjoying things.
I want you to have enough joy in your life that the fight for a better world seems possible because that is the point!
Because if you can do it, then I can do it.
When you are kind to yourself, the world is kinder. And you are showing people it is possible to be kind to oneself.
"Oh but so many people have it worse than me!" - Yes! Yes, Of COURSE they do! This fact will always be true, and yet all of those people matter! But how will you help any one of them in the long-term if you don't stop even when you feel you will cry from the guilt and stress of reading a fan fiction??
Nevermind that the more trauma a person endures, the more likely they are to believe they don't deserve simple pleasures! Or that even the people that DO have it the worst feel often feel the most like they don't deserve it!
"Seriously though, people have it way worse than I do!!!" - And what are you, the tipping point? Only those in worse shape than you deserve basic nice things? Exactly how much worse off do they have to be before they deserve to watch an episode of TV?? How many minutes of relaxation per childhood trauma per week?? How shall they then prove what they have earned? and why does everyone better off than you not deserve to enjoy small nice things?? And if they do, why would you be the one exception???
Joy and rest and leisure are human rights! They are not a privilege they are human rights. The fact that you are suffering less than someone else means that BOTH of you deserve less suffering. Less joy for one of you is counterproductive.
The last things our enemies want is for you to rest.
At this point in capitalism, joy needs to be present for revolution in any positive form to take place.
So, please, please, enjoy your silly little things. At the end of the day, they are neither silly nor little.
the cycle of trying to enjoy my silly little hyperfixations to distract from the horrifying reality that is our country/world but then feeling guilty and irresponsible for devoting time and attention to things donât matter while said reality is horrifying
#original#eeaao#self-care#hopepunk#community organizing#fucking swear to god#i have had so many friends tell me they are the one exception to the rule. we have to lovingly remind each other and#ourselves very very often that we are humans who deserve respect and joy#make no mistake this is an attitude that is very very hard to unlearn and it isn't linear#and capitalism ensures many of us are physically unable to stop working or else they die#so like. there's a logical reason for this trauma response and it isn't anyone's fault for feeling this way#just know i was staying alive to make the world better for everyone else and only recently realized#i want it to be good for ME also. and that is a good motivation too. because now i have both.#and now i see that if i am kind and paying attention i could pull people up with me rather than offering myself as a step ladder#you can light yourself on fire to keep someone warm - but once your gone they are on their own to collect firewood#you won't be able to unlearn the bullshit easily but know that it is unfair bullshit and you deserve better#like if you are a millionaire i have different opinions on what you should be able to spare but#if i had to GUESS#i bet you aren't#this world has resources enough for us all. it is our fight to see them distributed enough so people are able to thrive#dwelling on the horrors while believing it is partially you're fault they are happening at all times doesn't actually make less horror#btw everything everywhere all at once is best movie
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My biggest frustration with the left has always been the inability/unwillingness to work on making progress inside of the system while advocating for greater change.
I remember the first time I came to this realization.
I was nineteen, pregnant. We couldnât afford to heat the house because we couldnât afford the deposit to turn the gas on. It was miserably cold. The duplex we were renting was old and rickety and drafty. The window frames were messed up and there were cracks you could stick your finger through that were open to the elements.
Just, like, to give you an idea where we were financially. And this was better than weâd been doing before!
Anyway, I had recently started going to DSA meetings. And that month, they were talking about how a moderate democrat had successfully gotten a small increase in WIC benefits monthly. It came out to, like, $10 a month.
The members talkingâmostly male, almost all doing decentâwere scornful. The democrat should have pushed harder and gotten more, refused to accept anything until everyone else caved to their demands. I remember sitting there, quietly drinking the latte in the smallest size they had that I had bought with scrounged quarters, listening. Wishing it wasnât held in an indie coffee shop because it was a luxury I really couldnât afford, but it would be rude not to. Enjoying the coffee anyway.
I was one of the lucky ones who was getting that additional $10 a month through WIC. Even more exciting, we were now getting a voucher for the farmersâ market. I casually mentioned that WIC recipients would now be getting farmersâ market vouchers, too.
The guy who organized the meetings was a hard worker, passionate guy. Did something in tech.
He was like, âThatâs the thing! These people donât want farmers market vouchers. They wantââ and he went on to describe a bunch of pie in the sky desires. That, yeah, sounded good.
But one. I was one of those people! A lot if the tamiles were super excited about it, myself included.
I had never been to a farmersâ market before. I tried arugula for the first time, a piece pulled from a bunch by the grower as he explained the flavor difference. I hadnât known before then that different lettuce greens had different flavors, that it was more than just the texture and shape. I tried pesto, which delighted me. Goat cheese. I got three full pounds of strawberries for two dollars, since they were closing soon and the old man selling the berries got a kick out of me.
Anyway. It was like, you have a decent life. Not great but decent! The things that are life changing for me, for us⊠you already have.
The ten dollars at the grocery store made the difference between a meal of broken-noodles-with-some-half-horrible-pantry-scraps and a meal. It kept me full and healthy! And the additional farmersâ market voucher was world changing for me.
The democrat who worked for those things barely got them through. And it was means tested to hell and back. They werenât able to get everything they wanted. But what they got made such a huge difference for me, for people like me.
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#I've been waiting for this one#victim mindset is such a thought terminating cliche that i usually see rich successful ppl use#i invite ppl to think a bit further than that#and to think outside of their own circumstances and developmental niches#inner peace is important but it cant change ur life#ppl in sudan can have inner peace but that wont manifest them out of war#ive just seen so many ppl make it and then think they did ot by manifesting it#you worked hard and opportunities lined up for u and that is incredible#but i dont think u can hack the universe like that#i think if theres a joirney we were meant to go on then we will go on it#but it's ok to believe different things#i just often find it condescending seeing ppl make it and then tell everyone else they're just not doing a good enough job of being positiv#and theyre just not believing hard enough#dont get me wrong#i believe in manifestation#but i think it has its limits#you cant get anything you want imminently in this lifetime even if you work on yourself 24/7#sometimes you have to wait and go through the less desirable motions#sometimes thats maybe your place in the universe in this lifetime#idk#thanks for attending my ted talk#everyone's experience id different#that is the *spice* of life#i also believe in miracles#i believe in being gifted#but everyone is different and we cant do the same shit to get the same shit#imo#âđŸ#for the most part you can change yourself#not your opportunities
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everyone should attempt an artisan craft at some point in their life because it would cut down the number of comments questioning why handmade goods like ceramics or textile craft or woodworking are so expensive
and this is an unrealistic expectation, but I think the attempt should include seeing through to the end at least one "finished" item, no matter how clumsy or lumpy your first attempts might be. like to me, there's a huge difference in perspective between attempting to learn how to crochet or throw a pot for a few days, acknowledging that it's harder than it looks and giving up, versus committing to finishing that scarf or clay pot you started and working on it for weeks while you painstakingly learn from your mistakes and grow attached to your project while also simultaneously hating it.
once you finish the latter, your perspective changes from "why does this crocheted blanket cost $200" to "holy shit I can't believe they're charging $200 for this crocheted blanket instead of $2000" because you may have known crocheting is hard, you may have easily agreed with the idea that "handmade goods take time and effort" even before attempting a craft, but now you know firsthand the absolute time sink it takes to make things. like yeah dude, that one item took you 2 months to make and probably wasn't even an ultra complex item if it was the first thing you made, now imagine attaching an hourly wage to that time to calculate the cost (and this is ignoring every nuance of the artistic element and master crafters being able to work faster/charge higher because of their years and years of experience)
anyway this rant has been motivated by a comment I saw on someone else's ceramic post asking why a mug was $60 and they understand it's handmade but $60 just seems overpriced, and bro do you know how long ceramics take to make. that mug probably took at minimum 3 weeks between how long it takes to throw the mug, dry partially, trim the mug, dry fully, bisque fire, wait a day for the kiln to cool, sand and paint and glaze, glaze fire, wait a day for the kiln to cool, take product photography of the mug, write description and list the mug online for sale, im not even including the skill needed to complete all these steps without the mug literally exploding or collapsing while also making it an appealing piece of art, aaaaaaaaaaaaa
#$60 is overpriced my ass#if I priced my ceramics by the exact number of hours they took literally no one would buy anything#holding up a plate like oh yeah I started this in uhhhhhhhhhhh august and it finished in december#wrote this intending it to be a rant and delete post but im sending it out into the world
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